Gortimer, narrating: I've lived my whole life on Normal Street.
There's a lake at one end
and a forest of shady trees at the other.
But what lies in between
is anything but normal.
Sometimes it's hard to wait
for things to be the way you want them,
especially when the things you want
always seem to be just out of reach.
So what can you do?
Well, you could try to be patient,
or you could turn it up a notch.
[knock on door]
Mom: Gortimer, will you get that, please?
Mr. Hernandez.
Please, it's just Adam.
I didn't realize you were coming over.
I though that was tomorrow.
No, you're right. Dinner's tomorrow night,
but I was just driving by,
and I thought I'd pop by, say hi.
I think my mom's just finishing work.
Yeah, she'll be out soon, yeah.
I'm sorry. Yeah, come in. Yeah, come in.
Uh, can I get you a refreshment while you're waiting?
A refreshment?
Well, actually, I just showered
in a cool mountain waterfall
before I came over, so...
I'm just joking. Nothing. I'm fine.
Uh, you don't need to entertain me.
Just go ahead and read your magazine.
Oh, no, no, no. No, I don't mind.
I was just reading about the Buccaneers.
Normal State. You're a Bucs fan, too?
Isn't Obrino underrated?
He rushed for, like, 1900 yards last season,
right?
Oh. F-Football.
No, no. Actually, I was reading about the original buccaneers.
Oh.
Pig hunters
on the islands of Hispaniola and Tortuga.
History class assignment.
Okay.
Hey.
I thought I heard your voice.
Sorry to barge in, but I was just driving by.
Please, no, you're not barging.
[chuckle]
Oh, I'm sorry. Wait. Am I interrupting?
It sounded like you guys were talking.
- Oh, no, no. - No, we're good.
- We're good, yeah. - We're good.
Okay. Hey, you know what?
I'm actually just running to the store.
Can I walk you?
Sure. I would love to be walked.
- Okay. - All right.
Bye, honey.
Oh, uh, keep an eye on your brother.
- Okay. - I'll see you later, Gortimer.
Bye, Mom. Uh, bye, Adam.
Go Bucs.
Maybe he's a secret agent,
and he thinks you're on to him.
Why would a secret agent be dating my mother?
To get to you and your secrets.
What secrets? The only secrets I have
are where we hid the key to my comic book safe.
Shh. Egg has cameras everywhere.
I think you're overreacting.
Among the very few certainties in life,
one of them is that everyone likes Gortimer Gibbon.
Yep.
Everyone but Adam.
Hey, guys. Didn't know you were here.
What's up?
Me? I'm just getting some rant.
That's what I call deodorant.
This manliness can get pretty ripe.
I won't be needing this anymore.
Or any food ever again.
That was intensely gross.
That's why I never wear tank tops.
Wait. You have armpit hair, too?
Hey, Mel, look at this.
"Want to tell a dude he's your bud?
"Say it with a Bro-celet."
A Bro-celet?
"The friendship bracelet for guys."
Maybe I should get one for Adam.
I thought you wanted him to like you.
I do. I mean, it's a joke,
an ice-breaker.
You have any better ideas?
A slap bracelet?
Isn't that kind of outdated?
Yeah, but Adam's old. He'll like it.
This is so fun.
I haven't had a sous chef in longer than I can remember.
Oh, an adult one anyway.
Well, next time I'll be the chef,
and you be the sous.
Well, you'll be cooking dinner every night.
Absolutely, if you like mac and cheese out of a box.
Only if it's paired with chicken nuggets
and a fine apple juice.
[laughing]
- Oh. Hey, buddy. - Hi, Mom.
- Hey, Adam. - Hey, there.
How was your day?
Oh, uh, same old.
Except on my way home
I stopped by the comic shop,
and they had White Hat number 1
- mint condition. - No way.
White Hat?
Oh, uh, Phinny Silkskein,
genius inventor?
Yeah, he had to wear a special hat
to protect himself from hearing the thoughts of others.
I'm sorry. It's not ringing a bell.
Well, anyway, it's number 1,
which is, like, super rare.
It sounds really complicated,
but it's actually really fun once you get into it.
Hey, bud, why don't you go wash up for dinner?
Okay.
Oh.
I almost forgot.
Uh, I got this for you at Egg's.
It's a-- It's a Bro-celet.
A what?
It's a bracelet for guys.
Oh.
I thought it was kind of funny, so...
Here.
Oh, look at that.
It's an old slap bracelet. I remember these.
Yeah.
Thanks, Gortimer.
Huh.
That's really fun.
Really, really fun.
Hey, Gortimer.
Yeah?
I guess I wasn't focused
on what you were saying before,
but wasn't there a guy named White Hat
in a movie called Porkpie or something?
Yeah, yeah, yeah. That was the third White Hat movie.
It was just called Return of Porkpie.
That's why I didn't recognize it.
Yeah, and there's these evil robot mannequins?
The-- The-- The Mannekills.
Mannekills, right,
and they were attacking White Hat and Porkpie.
They took off their hats, and they threw--
And then the brim blades cut off all the robot heads.
- Yeah, it was like vrrrr! - Yeah...
[no audible dialogue]
Which is why I'm no longer in charge of the class pet.
[laughing]
Man, you've got such amazing stories, Gortimer.
I don't think my life was half as interesting
when I was your age. I don't think my life
was half as interesting now, right?
I'd love to hear more.
We should all hang out again soon.
Yeah. I'd love that.
- Yeah. - Ahem.
- Oh. - Wait.
You sure you really want this?
Are you kidding me? Your risotto blew my mind.
I'm going to have this for breakfast.
All right, then. Good night.
It was a great night.
Yeah.
See you later, buddy.
- See ya. - All right.
Good night.
Whoop. Good night.
Good night!
So it seemed like everybody had a really good time tonight.
- Right? - Oh, I thought so.
Didn't you?
Totally.
Yeah. I just wasn't sure if--
Y-You're not sure--
No, no, no. I just want to make sure
you're okay with... everything.
Everything?
I just meant the whole Adam thing.
Adam's great, Mom.
Oh.
I'm getting the feeling
he thinks you're pretty great, too.
Really?
You need to stop worrying about it.
It's not that big of a deal.
But I can't stop my brain from thinking about it,
which tells me that maybe my brain knows something I don't
and I actually should be worried about it.
Everybody gets body hair at different times.
Weren't you paying any attention
during Miss Williams' human biology lecture?
What if it's never going to happen for me?
I mean, like, what if I never even grow?
Science me, Mel.
[sigh]
I'm going to need a control sample.
Gortimer, lift your arms.
I'm not ready to donate my body to science.
Besides, I got to go. We're having a family football game,
and Adam and I are a team.
So you're getting along now?
So you're playing football now?
Yeah, we're really getting along.
He's kind of acting like my best friend.
Whoa. One does not get to be your best friend overnight.
You have to put in the time.
You gave him the Bro-celet, didn't you?
Yes. But you don't know that it's the Bro-celet.
Maybe he just realized what a great guy I am.
People don't change overnight, Gortimer.
Turnabout 16. Hut hut.
Hike.
[hooting]
Ahh! Ahh! Ahh!
[screeching]
- Whoo! Whoo! Whoo! - Ho ho!
I got to tell you, Gortimer.
I'm so happy we did this.
Yeah, me, too.
Yeah, you having fun?
Yeah, so much fun.
Not anymore. Playtime is over.
Did we come here to lose,
or did we come here to win?
We came here to win.
What did you say?
I was just repeating what you said.
Say it louder.
I was just repeating what you said!
That works.
Don't let him fool you with his size.
He's small, but he's vicious.
You got it.
Hut. Hike!
Whoa. Aah!
That's what I'm talking about:
touchdown, touchdown.
- 1-1,000, 2-1,000 - Gardner!
- ...3-1,000. - Aah!
All right, G-man.
And...
it's done.
Apply to the area twice daily for six weeks.
You'll have the hairiest armpits
in all of eighth grade.
Six weeks?
My whole life will have passed by then.
Ranger, are you really worried about this?
I'm not worried. I'm just small and hairless
and-- [sigh]-- will be for the rest of my life.
Come on. It's not so bad.
Besides, what's so great about getting all...hairy?
Respect, Mel. Respect.
It's a dog-eat-dog world out there.
Survival of the fittest.
It's no place for a boy.
If you want to get by,
you've got to be big, strong, intimidating.
You've got to be the top dog.
If nature puts you at the back of the pack,
you cut to the front any way you can
because on Normal Street,
first you get the hair,
then you get the power,
then you get the respect.
Can you dig it?
Okay. Sounds good.
Just give it six weeks.
[sigh] Fine.
Whoo.
Hey.
Getting a little rough out there, huh?
I thought we were just having a friendly game.
You're right. I'm sorry.
It's just Gortimer and I,
we're in the zone. You know what I mean?
Yeah.
Not really.
I mean, should I?
It's just-- just-- I relate to him.
I mean, I know he's a kid,
but I'm having a lot of fun.
Yeah.
But if that's not okay,
I totally understand.
You know what? It's great.
It's great. I-- I really--
I really want you two to get along.
If you're happy, I'm happy.
- I'm happy. - Okay.
- I'm happy. - Gortimer, come here.
That's good.
I got you something, okay?
Now, it's not a championship ring,
but it's the second best thing.
I got you...
a Bro-celet.
- Oh. - Huh?
That-- That's cool, yeah.
Yeah.
I was just thinking
that maybe things are getting a little too intense.
Well, they're about to get intenser.
Gortimer Gibbon,
I want you to be my bro.
- Ding. Honk! - Ha!
What? When did you guys--
Well, we didn't.
Like I said, we're in the zone.
Yeah. Mom, ask us something.
Uh, okay, like what?
Like, uh, what's our favorite pizza topping?
What's your favorite pizza topping?
- Tandoori shrimp. - Tandoori shrimp.
[gasp]
- Whoa. - What?
That was--
Ask us something else.
- Yeah. - Uh, okay.
Like, I don't know. Um--
Like what's the best
mythological creature?
- Minotaur. - Minotaur.
- What? - What?
Forest of Shady Trees or Lake Normal?
I thought I was supposed to--
- Lake Normal. - Lake Normal.
- Bros for life. - Bros for life.
Hoo!
'Cause she's, like, "Raah."
- Raah. Yeah. - They have that.
[chatter continues]
[laughter]
[muffled chatter]
Looking for something?
No. It's not that. I was just--
Don't be embarrassed. I was a late bloomer myself.
I remember those days well.
I was small, scrawny,
and smooth as a baby dolphin.
A summer breeze could knock me over.
But then one day, seemingly all at once,
it happened.
I grew tall as a redwood,
strong as Hercules,
and yes, hairy as a silverback.
The world was my oyster.
That's amazing.
Be patient, Ranger.
Your garden will grow.
I'll be right back.
This is for?
My mom.
Definitely my mom.
I'm still hungry. Are you still hungry?
Heck, yeah. I need to wash down those cheeseburgers,
preferably with--
- More cheeseburgers. - More cheeseburgers.
- Right? - Yeah!
So.
You two are having lots of annoying fun.
What's happening here?
Oh, I think the question is
what isn't happening here!
What?
That's really cute.
We had a lunch date at noon,
and you were supposed to take care of your brother.
Plus, you both just tracked mud
all over the living room rug.
Oh.
So yeah, "oh."
Yeah, so there's that.
She's right, bro.
You need to clean up your act.
Oh, come on now. No, no, no, no.
Oh, no, no. Wait--
- Oh. Oh. - My--
What--
What is wrong with you two?
Okay, I'm going to go to lunch with Gardner,
the only other grownup in this house.
Maybe your mom's right.
Have I been acting like an idiot?
I don't know. I just--
I was having so much fun, I kind of forgot myself.
It was fun, though, huh?
So fun.
Huh.
Yeah, my mom used to be really into tennis.
My dad got it for her.
I think she's used it once.
Are you thinking what I'm thinking?
- Tennis ball darts! - Tennis ball darts!
Yeah!
Light it up!
Boom!
Increase power!
Increasing!
[machine rumbling]
Adam?
Steady yourself!
- Go! - Go!
Are you okay?
Yeah, yeah. I'm fine.
Aw.
Oh, man, what are we going to do?
My mom's going to kill me.
Ahh.
Well, the good news is she may never find us
because we're not getting out of here any time soon.
We're locked in?
We're locked in.
Would this be a bad time to say I have to go to the bathroom?
Another thing we have in common, bro.
Whoo.
[rip]
Hurry. She's going to be home soon.
I'm trying. You got to push, okay?
Okay, I'll push.
- Just like this. - I'm pushing.
- This way. - Wait.
- Push this way. - I'm going that way.
- Ohh. - [clatter]
Gortimer, I told you to push.
No, no. I did push. It's not my fault.
Come help me find the pieces.
I can't believe you got us stuck down here.
Well, it was your idea to do tennis ball darts.
Oh. Uncool, man.
We thought of that at the same time.
Plus, we wouldn't be stuck down here
if you hadn't sprayed me.
I wouldn't have sprayed you
if you hadn't have kicked mud on me.
I wouldn't have kicked mud on you
if we weren't having so much fun together
that we're acting like idiots.
I mean, ever since you gave me this Bro-celet,
we've been acting like--
- Bros. - Bros.
They're stuck.
Why did you give me this ridiculous thing
in the first place?
Because you hated me.
What?
I didn't hate you.
It sure felt like it.
You always acted so weird around me.
You thought I hated you?
I was nervous around you.
Nervous? What are you talking about?
Gortimer,
your mom loves you so much,
and then your dad--
I mean, I know what a great guy he is
and how close the two of you are.
Honestly, I didn't--
I didn't know how I fit in.
With me?
With you and Gardner, yeah.
I mean, I wanted you guys to like me,
but I didn't want to push you to like me.
I wanted you to like me only if you really liked me.
You know.
Man, sometimes I think I get in my own head.
Something else we have in common.
I guess we just wanted to like each other so much
that...we lost ourselves a little bit.
Yeah.
It doesn't work that way, does it?
No. No. I think you just have to let these things
develop in their own time.
Right.
Maybe we don't have to be best buddies right away.
We can start as, uh...
Friends?
Friends.
[derisive laughter]
Ow. Ow.
I'm sorry, but you need this ointment to help heal.
How do we know it's not going to make it worse?
Your last concoction did this to me in the first place.
That's impossible.
It was just moisturizing cream and talcum powder.
How did you ever expect that to grow hair on me?
I didn't. It was just a placebo.
If I really had the formula to magically grow hair,
I'd be a billionaire already.
The only thing that's going to work for you is patience.
So why did you give me the cream?
I figured it would give you something to do
until nature kicked in.
You tricked me.
That's what friends are for.
Well, then, in the interest of full disclosure,
I may have added an ingredient to the cream,
something I got from the gardening aisle.
Ahh. How could I be so stupid?
Now my armpits will never grow hair.
Don't worry. These are just minor burns.
You'll be fine. Besides, I have some good news.
Although your underarms are still smooth,
if you look closely,
you can see a dark hair just above your upper lip.
Wait. What? Show me. Show me.
Bonjour, mademoiselle.
Nope. Too weird.
I'm shaving it.
Sometimes life goes a little slower
than you want it to.
Whether it's getting comfortable with someone...
or getting comfortable with yourself...
things just take time.
But while you wait,
you might find the things that you want most...
are the things that are happening right now. n>