[Jimmy] Judi, do you know why I've come back in?
-Okay, let's take a look at the replay. -Flip.
-I'll bite you fucking nose off. -I'll bite your throat. Get back.
Oi, oi, oi.
-I'll tongue ya. I'll tongue ya. -Slag. Slag.
[laughs]
-[laughing] -Such a big laugh.
-Got something for you. -[Daisy gasps]
[Danny] So sorry, Judi. Honestly.
One of those, innit?
-Bye, everyone. -Okay, that's not all though.
-Oh, no. -[Bob] Oh.
[gasping]
Let's have a look.
Why's Daisy not got up off the ground?
Who, me?
Yeah, you've been on the floor the whole time.
-[snorts] -[Rob] It's quite distracting, actually.
[contestants laughing]
I'm not angry. I'm just disappointed. Yellow card.
Oh, no!
Oh, gosh.
That really annoyed me.
And that was me laughing at the fact
that Jimmy had pointed out how unbelievably lazy I am.
-[Judi] Bye. -[applauding]
Door.
Come on. Come on.
-Right. See youse later. -[Bob] See you, darling.
-[Judi] See ya! -Good luck.
-[Daisy] Oh, I love you. -See youse later.
[Judi] Oh.
-I did well, babe! -And in fairness, it's Danny Dyer.
-I know! -Come on.
-Hey! Judi! -Go and take a seat.
-Very good. -[Danny] So random.
That is the best…
-That was great. -[sighs] I can still smell him.
What, do you think they'll bring Keanu Reeves in for me?
I'd love them to bring Keanu Reeves for me.
Oh, yeah. He'll be here.
-He'll definitely be here. -Oh, goodie!
Danny Dyer, you knew you was my weakness.
Please be careful when you're offering out that tongue.
[Jimmy] So, Lazy Daisy gets a yellow, and Rudy Judi gets a red.
On we go.
Danny Dyer, everyone. Let's give a round of applause. Yeah.
-Amazing. So funny. -Lovely to see you.
-Thank you so much. -See you, Danny.
-Bye, Danny. -Thank youse.
-Bye, Danny. Thanks for coming. -Have a lovely one.
If you laugh hard, then you just kind of open up.
-Yeah. -Giggle fit.
If I'd held that first laugh a little bit shorter,
-then I wouldn't have opened up, like… -Yeah.
-…that laughing fit side in me. -[Lycett] Mmm.
-Yeah. -Okay. Let's restart the game.
[off-key trumpet playing]
[Richard] Good work. We're back again.
Did anyone notice that Danny Dyer has one of the largest testicles
-on the European mainland? -[Rob] Mmm.
-It's just the truth. -Yeah. It's huge.
Where did you notice that? 'Cause I didn't see him…
-On his left side. -[Richard] Yeah.
That's why you won't see him out of jeggings.
-[Lou] Yeah. -[Richard] Okay.
Joe, the clock is ticking. Now, if you'd stayed in there,
what would you have done as your next bit?
Absolutely none of your business.
[all laugh]
-Well, go and do it. -[Sara, Judi gasp]
-Go back in and do it. -Yes!
-Joe, Joe! -[Wilkinson sighs]
Do you think Rob would find it funny if I… if I farted?
-Rob would find that funny, wouldn't he? -[Richard] Yeah.
-But then I've got to do that on TV. -Give it a go.
But no. I don't really want to do that on TV.
Give it a go. What have you got to lose?
-Well, dignity. -Dignity.
Potential life partner…
You've gotta think about how much you're starting with.
Exactly. I can't afford to.
I mean, there's been a run on the bank in terms of dignity.
[breathing deeply]
-Lou! Lou! Look, Richard's hunting Lou! -Lou. He's sharking. Richard's sharking.
-[Richard] Here we go. She's down. -[Lou breathing deeply]
It's like in Jaws, when they've got three spears in it.
-Oh, oh, oh! She's so close to going. -You've gotta take her down. Good.
She's going down underwater. She's dragging the boat.
He would find a weak fish and then kind of swarm them
until he got, like, a smirk or something.
He was unbelievably dangerous, Richard.
[exhales] I actually don't… I actually think I'm done.
-[Bob] Are you through it? -Yeah, I think I--
We had a couple of sp… It was pulling the boat, and then it snapped free.
-Like in Jaws. -What caused it though?
He said she had no dignity.
The conversation started…
I said I think Rob would probably find it funny
if I went over and parped on him.
-[Rob] Yeah. -[coughs]
-'Cause I've got the measure of… -[Rob] What was that? Was that the parp?
[coughs]
-[breathing deeply] Oh, no. Lou! -[laughs]
[Richard] Yes!
-[all cheering] -Whoa, whoa! Lou!
-Yes! Yes! -Yes!
The spears were in. The spears were in. The boat was dragged.
[electronic percussion playing]
[sighs] Damn it.
[groans, laughs]
[laughing] My first yellow card was me laughing at myself.
But you haven't had a yellow yet, have you?
No.
We're all there, apart from that tit.
Let's not start throwing stones. Let's not start throwing stones.
Oh, I'm so pleased.
I'm so pleased we got her.
Doors.
Oh, dear.
-Shall we take a look? -[Lou] Yes.
-[Harriet] Yes, please. -[Rob] Take a look.
I said I think Rob would probably find it funny
if I went over and parped on him.
-[Rob] Yeah. -[coughs]
-'Cause I've got the measure of… -[Rob] What was that? Was that the parp?
[coughs]
-[breathing deeply] Oh, no. Lou! -[laughing]
[Richard] Yes!
The spears were in. The spears were in.
[contestants groaning, laughing]
-[Lou] Yes. -It's an own goal.
-Thank you. -[Jimmy] Okay. Yellow card.
Um, the only person without a yellow card is Ayoade.
-Yeah. 'Cause of his childhood ultimately. -That's… Ultimately, yes.
My strategy is defence.
To grimly plod on
and just hope everyone else falls.
Okay. Yellow card, yellow card, yellow card, yellow card, yellow card.
No yellow card. I'm gonna go and restart the game.
-Well, we've all got to… -Yeah, we've got to…
We've got to take him down. Let's do an assault.
'Cause the next time, we're out.
Tickle him?
Like, maybe if we did a Shakespeare play.
I'm actu… I'm here, by the way.
-Okay, well, go over there for a minute. -[Harriet] Yeah, but that's the problem.
[Jimmy] Lou gets a yellow card.
And if you wanna know who the man to beat is,
just listen to what I say when I walk through the tunnel.
Okay. I mean, Richard Ayoade, clearly the man to beat.
-There he is. -Where have you been?
-Just, sorry-- -I've been worried sick!
[Sara, Roisin laugh]
What'd I miss?
[off-key trumpet playing]
I-I saw him smirk into the fridge.
Did you?
How did you see me smirk into the fridge?
What, you saw through my back?
[laughing]
He likes films and he likes old stuff.
I'm here.
[Rob] Do you like Carry On films?
Why have I suddenly mutated into a third-person proposition?
-Does anyone have any Charlie Chaplin? -What are you doing?
I don't… I'm just… I'm just stroking the chair.
It's not right.
Could old-fashioned physical humour work?
Oh, gosh. That was so alarming.
-That was so alarming. -Could…
-Yeah, could old-fashioned-- -[Rob] Good old slapstick.
It's not old-fashioned.
-[alarm ringing] -[Richard] Oh.
-What-What does that mean? -That's a performance there, I think.
[Lou] Did it sort of get anywhere there?
'Cause my next thing,
-I was sort of gonna tie around there-- -Don't. For yourself, Lou, don't.
But for you?
-Also, it's a no. -Don't.
It's a no.
This is nice.
-Don't try and change the subject. -It's nice.
-They always forget what to do. -[Judi] Mmm.
Go and sit down.
[intercom chimes]
[Jimmy] Could you go and sit down on the sofas, please?
So sorry.
We've sent Joe back in to cause trouble.
["Stars in Their Eyes theme" playing on speakers]
Ooh! You got the rights to this song!
Stars… is it Stars in Their Eyes?
I thought we'd killed him.
-[Lou] Oh, no. -Oh, no.
Yeah. I'm doin', um, Stars in Your Eyes.
But, uh, you can't legally say it again.
Uh, so… [inhales deeply]
Hello, and welcome to the show
that has the most talented singers in the country.
You don't have to dress up talent, but we do because we love dressing up.
So, who will our first star be?
By day, he's a window fitter,
but tonight he's gonna fit through our window.
Fit and ready for success, it's star guest number one.
[TV chimes]
[guest] I'm from Chineham, near Basingstoke.
My name is Gary Swale.
I have a wife, Carol.
She's a wrought iron welder.
And I have two grown-up children.
My oldest lives abroad and my youngest is currently employed by NatWest,
which is fine.
I'm a part-time student, studying art.
When out of school, I went to be a window fitter.
I'd really love to do art for a living.
I'd like to get a diploma in art.
Nearly finished?
Just drawing the tip.
Okay.
[Gary] I've done hundreds of different jobs.
Everything from being a window fitter's assistant
to being a window fitter.
But I'd love to just do my art.
I'd work in any area of the arts or entertainment,
except for tap-dancing.
He'll need a steady drawing hand to hold the microphone tonight.
Please welcome Gary Swale.
-[contestants applauding] -Oh. Hi, Gary.
Hi, Gary. I hear you do the pools.
Yes, uh, every week.
[Wilkinson] Cool. So, tell us who you're gonna be tonight, Gary.
Tonight, Matthew, I'm gonna be Olly Murs.
[laughing]
[Wilkinson] Olly Murs. Course you are.
Tonight, singing live, it's Gary Swale as Olly Murs.
[drum roll playing]
[musical sting plays on speakers]
[spectators laughing]
[off-key] ♪ Silent night ♪
♪ Holy night ♪
♪ All is calm ♪
♪ All is bright ♪
♪ Round yon virgin mother and child ♪
[laughing]
♪ Holy infant, so tender and mild ♪
♪ Sleep in heavenly peace ♪
-[Lycett] Olly Murs. -[Sara] Olly Murs.
In Jesus sandals.
Congratulations, Gary Swale as Olly Murs.
I loved Joe's Stars in Their Eyes performance.
Because we'd been surprised by so many people,
we thought that Olly Murs was genuinely gonna come out.
And when that just tall guy came out… [laughs]
We're really losing our minds at this point.
I think these guys are hardened.
-The feel like they-- -Rob, something's happened to Rob.
-Something's died inside him. -[Roisin] Yeah.
It feels like people who've been to jail…
-[Judi] They've got institutionalised. -Institutionalised.
-[Judi] Yeah. -I didn't mind it.
-[Judi] Yeah. -[spectators laugh]
[sighs]
-Oh, there he is. -So funny.
So funny.
-Matthew Kelly, everyone. -It was really good.
-That was beautiful. -Can't believe Olly Murs was there.
I know. I love the fact he was 30 seconds behind the music.
[all laugh]
I'm so glad it's done, 'cause that was good.
That was really good.
-It was the, um, sketches of the penises. -Yeah.
I always struggle with a cock in detail.
-[Harriet] Mmm. -Mmm.
I like the accuracy of the pubes further up the shaft.
As sometimes, when people draw penises they just…
-aim at pubic. -Yeah.
And that actually can creep up.
-With age, or… status? -Where does it go?
It-It encroaches on the bell.
[spectators laugh]
-[Lou] Oh, really? -You've got a hairy penis?
[Lou] Really?
[Harriet] The end of it's hairy? Of your penis is hairy?
You've got a hairy penis?
-Oh! Oh, he's getting close. -Wait.
-Your penis is hairy? -Bob, do you have that?
So, if you twiddle… twiz…
[Rob] Yeah, what?
-Yeah. Bob, Bob. Twiddle. -Bob's struggling as well.
If you twiddled them, you could ring the bell.
[sucks teeth] I've not tried, but you… Potentially, yeah.
[Sara, Wilkinson chuckle]
[can opens]
I'm such a… I'm just sniffing out own goals left, right and centre here.
I have to calm down.
My biggest problem is getting someone to laugh, then I would laugh.
So, from that moment, I was like, "You've got to shut up shop here, Rob.
Because you're gonna take yourself down."
[beeping]
[Daisy] Can I just say something?
What is the worst trolling comment you've ever seen online?
Can I say what mine was?
-Directed at you? -It wasn't at me.
It was… It was a video of, like, this old couple in an old people's home.
And somebody, like… Just that they'd been married for so many years.
And somebody commented…
"If two old people go out for a meal"…
[Sara] Oh, dear.
-She's gonna make herself laugh. -Oh, yeah, she is.
[Wilkinson laughs]
[Sara] Oh, dear.
…"they make more mess than a"…
[Richard] Go on.
[voice cracks] …"baby in a high chair."
Mate, you've just sunk your own ship.
You've just… She's torpedoed herself.
[Sara] Wowee, wowee.
[snorts]
[spectators laughing, exclaiming]
-[electronic percussion playing] -[spectators exclaiming]
Oh, I was furious with myself. I was so furious with myself.
Over something so stupid.
And that came out of my own mouth!
I just suddenly thought… It was that old guy coming out of there.
I didn't even hear what it was. What was it? "More mess than"…
"If two old people go out for a meal"… Somebody commented this.
Yeah.
They make more mess… [laughing]
…than a baby in a high chair.
Under your video?
No, under a video of this… this lovely old couple.
-[contestants laughing] -[laughing, speaks indistinctly]
It's like you just walked into the middle of the room and just went…
[imitates explosion]
[screaming, laughing]
[Richard] Good gravy.
-[Rob] Fucking hell. -[screams, laughing] I can't speak.
It was like a hand grenade, right?
'Cause I was gonna throw that out to them to make them laugh.
And the problem was, I couldn't… I couldn't…
It didn't leave my hands. It exploded in my hand.
And killed me.
[Jimmy] Doors.
Did they make you sit over here on your own?
-No. -Have they ostracised you from the group?
-[Harriet] She did it to herself. -Is it like Lord of the Flies?
-[chuckling] -Are they… Can they smell weakness?
I'm very happy to sit here in solidarity.
-Yeah, you've been a great help. -[Richard] Thank you.
-Should we remind ourselves what happened? -[laughs]
[all chuckling]
-[Daisy] Oh, God. -[Jimmy] Take a little look at the screen.
And somebody commented, "If two old people go out for a meal,
they make more mess than a"…
Go on.
[voice cracks] …"baby in a high chair."
Mate, you've just sunk your own ship.
She's torpedoed herself.
[snorts]
[contestants laughing]
-Oh, my God! -Like G-force.
[contestants laughing]
-[wheezing] -Okay, um…
And you brought that up, and then this happened.
[contestants laughing]
[Daisy] I'm so cross with myself.
[contestants] Aw.
-I'm so cross with myself. -[Rob] Daisy!
-You're coming with me. Come on. -I love you all.
-You're out of the game. -It was a wonderful way to go.
-I mean, what a way to go. -It was so wonderful.
-Good luck, guys. -[Rob] Well done, Daisy.
-[laughing] Cheers, Daisy. -Oh, thank you.
-Man alive. Daisy, that was so funny. -[Rob] This is getting serious now.
-[Lou sighs] God. -Oh, thank you.
[Harriet] Very stressful, yeah.
-You'll like it in here. -Oh, God.
-It's fun in here. You can laugh. -Oh, God.
I don't want physical contact.
And it does rub people up the wrong way.
[all cheering]
Can we all move down one?
Oh, my…
[all chuckling]
-What a tit! -Amazing way to go out though.
-Oh, my God. -[Wilkinson] Stunning.
Yes, I'll hop over there, yeah.
I was really gutted when I got the red for that.
I genuinely was really gutted with myself.
'Cause I think I could've gone all the way.
[Jimmy] Daisy May Cooper with the biggest own goal
in the history of this show.
Which, to be fair, is only about four hours. But still.
Okay, we've got half of you out.
Half of them are still in there.
-Let's restart the game. -[Roisin] Well done, Daisy.
-Well done. -[off-key trumpet playing]
For a young divorcee, you look really lovely.
Oh, really?
-[Lou] For a young divorcee. -What's the age bracket
-for a young divorcee? -"For a young divorcee".
-Thirty-four's quite young to-- -I'm not 34, though.
-[Rob, Lou] How old are you? -Thirty-seven.
-I'd sort of say that's sort of… -Old divorcee?
-No, I'd say medium… like medium rare. -[Lou] No, medium.
Medium-aged divorcee.
-Are you divorced, Harriet? -Yeah.
Was it because of your diarrhoea?
It can come between a man and a woman.
Big time. Especially if you're spooning.
[laughing]
I call it "the quicks".
And if your husband's got "the quicks"…
Run from the room.
-Run… Leave that room. Yeah. -Don't you ever stop.
And don't look back.
And don't ever think of pulling the chain.
It took a turn and I remember being so ashamed because I said to Harriet,
"Did your husband leave you because of your diarrhoea?"
Oh, why did I say that to lovely Harriet?
-I don't have diarrhoea. -Oh, I just assumed he had it.
-Well, um, your ex-husband is telling… -Maybe.
…a different story.
And he's here now.
-Yes, he's behind that curtain. Yeah. -And he's shit his pants.
You can smell him.
Everyone's going a little bit silly, I think.
And we just need to just rein it back in again.
[beeping]
Got quite… It's a problem that I've got quite a simian face.
Just got a big face.
So I can look quite chimp-like. You know…
I feel like I'm hallucinating.
I used to just do that bit in my show where I'm…
-[Lou] Yeah, right. -Like that.
-[Harriet] In your comedy show? -Yeah.
I always used to finish my show just by pulling my trousers up high.
So I'd used to go, um…
basically, just…
Sort of, bit of a cheap gag.
I was just telling what I used to close my comedy show with,
which is pull my trousers up and walk about.
-[Lou] Oh, it is funny. I see, yeah. -Yes.
I see the visuals.
Kind of thing. And then… 'Cause that's funnier than not doing that, isn't it?
-[Lou] Yeah, like, that is-- -And then… 'Cause that's there now.
[Richard] What, so you dress like a fisherman?
-[Harriet] Rob, are you okay? -No.
-Yeah, that is… Yeah, it's really good. -I think it's excellent.
Do you know what I mean?
-It's quite… As a visual, it's-- -It's fun from the back as well.
-Now, if you want a 360… -[Harriet] That is good.
-He's a front and back artist. -[Lou] Mmm.
-Rob Beckett. Funny from the back. -Just do that.
He's got a weird-shaped body.
-He's from the 1930s. -Oh.
-Flat arse. -He's got the longest arse in the world.
-[Judi chuckling] Yeah. -It's long, but it's got no depth.
No, but it's gotta be a film or a, uh… you know, like, something… like, um…
-[screams] -All right, Bobs? [cackling]
You all right? [cackling]
[laughing]
[cackling]
Are you all right, Bobs?
I went to the fridge just to get a drink, and I opened it.
No drink, but Alison Hammond.
Can't drink Alison.
[chuckling] I don't… She's not a refreshment.
[laughs]
Uh, you all right, Rob? [cackles]
I love you, Alison, but I'm gonna have to give you a bit of a wide berth.
[Richard] All I'm saying is you deserve a better dressing room by now.
[laughs]
That's an infectious laugh. It's like Ebola.
It's the Ebola of laughs.
Yeah, they can't go near her when she's laughing.
How long have you been in that fridge?
-All day, babes. All day. -[Richard] Yeah.
It's been a long day.
-You all right, Bob? -[Lou] No. I'm not looking at her.
I didn't frighten you too much, did I?
The difficulty is, there will be a moment when we close this fridge,
and it will feel like a rejection.
[laughing]
[Alison] Don't close me off, man.
I've been closing myself emotionally to bubbly people my entire life.
[cackles]
-That's pretty crazy. -It's so difficult with Alison.
And now we're all a little bit on the edge.
-[Bob] I feel really rude. Do you, Rob? -A little bit rude, but you know.
-You gotta do what you gotta do, Bob. -[Bob] Yeah.
If you wanna be rude to Alison, that's on you, you know.
[Bob] It's so difficult.
Why don't you just have a chat to Alison? She's a lovely lady.
-If you haven't met before, just… -I know.
…have a chat about things.
-[Alison shrieks] -But it'll set me off, that's the thing.
Rob's selling it. He's selling the ham.
-Come with me. Come, here, Bob. -[Bob] No.
-No. I fear Alison. -[Rob] Come here, Bob.
[laughing]
-Why's… Come on, Bob. Come over here. -I'm gonna laugh, Alison, that's why.
Bob, go and have a chat. You're being rude.
We've got a guest in the house.
-Alison's here. Do you wanna say hello? -You look after the guest.
No, no, you look… I know Alison. I'm trying to introduce…
Bob, I'm a big fan of yours. Come over here.
[Rob] Bob, you're gonna ruin this great game by you…
Got a call, "Wasn't Bob Mortimer rude to Alison Hammond?"
-Oh, Rob's playing dirty now. -Yes.
[both] Yeah.
-[Rob] That'll be in the newspapers. -[chuckles] It'd be trolled.
-Get in here and have a look-- -You'd be trolled for days.
-Have a little look at that face. -[Alison laughs]
What are you doing in the fridge, Alison?
-Let Alison unload on you. -Know what?
I absolutely love fridges. I spend a lot of time at fridges.
-You're a fridge-dweller. -Alas, I love food. [laughs]
Okay, I gotta go. Sorry, guys.
-[Richard] Right. Shall we just shut… -Shut me off.
-See you later. Love you! -Bye, Alison.
-[Roisin] Aw. -We love Alison Hammond.
Love Alison Hammond.
-Wonderful Alison Hammond. -We love Alison Hammond.
She was in the fridge.
She has accepted the booking on the basis of,
"Will you be in a fridge?"
"Yes.
Let's talk about terms.
It's a yes, but let's talk about terms."
And there she was.
-I'm not bald, I'm balding. -[Harriet] Yeah.
There's a big difference.
[Harriet] You could get a hair transplant, but…
-what's the point? -I think it looks all right, mate.
Well, that's very kind.
I keep thinking that I should get it all cut off.
-Everyone must be thinking, "Cut"-- -[Harriet] No, I think it's lovely.
But I trust my wife, and my wife says she'll tell me.
-So I can only trust… -[Lou] I think--
She has to live with it.
You can do anything you want, really.
People will still love you.
Anyone want a breadstick?
-[crunches] -[laughing]
[crunches]
[mumbling]
Oh dear, oh dear, oh dear, oh dear, oh dear.
No thanks.
[sighs deeply]
[alarm ringing]
-Is that trouble? -[Richard] Are we back on?
So there's one hour left. Who do you think is gonna win?
Wilkinson, who's your money on?
I'm still sticking with Judi.
-Aw, thanks. -[laughing]
Seriously, Judi, who do you think is gonna win?
I don't know. It's between Richard and Bob,
[Jimmy] What do you think, Daisy?
Oh, there is nothing that can penetrate Richard.
-Right. -There's just nothing.
Bob keeps saying I have diarrhoea, and I just don't want that out there.
-No. -I'm trying to date again, and I just…
-It's not w… -What do you do with diarrhoea?
When you've got it bad?
I've never… I've never had it,
-so I wouldn't know. -You've never had it?
Some days, you just don't leave the house. You just strap in.
Oh, hello everyone. Time to change things up.
Bob, Richard, you're going head-to-head in a special challenge.
You're going speed dating.
You'll just need to make small talk with each other.
You know, it should be easy.
As long as one of you isn't massively socially awkward.
-Please take your places at the table. -I think that's you.
-[Rob] Oh. -The game starts when the bell rings.
-Good luck. -Now, this I do want to see.
The biggest challenge in this was to make Richard laugh.
It's the biggest challenge for everyone.
[alarm rings]
You seem like a really nice person.
Why do you, uh, date?
And what's happening with you in yourself that you're dating?
At speed?
[chuckling] Oh, god. We've all been on a date like this.
-I'm not dating so much. -No?
Um… what I am doing
is looking for a night out, do you know what I mean?
-A nice night out. -I do know what you mean.
Do you like to swim?
[breathes deeply]
Not incredible distances.
-Do you want to go for a swim? -No, I don't want to go
-swim with you. Please don't. -You won't come for a swim?
-That's-- -So you don't like adventure?
-[Bob] I do like adventure. -Would you come with me now for a swim?
Would you come with me?
I would like us to do some drawing under a horse.
[laughing]
-We could get under that horse. -Yep, I will.
We could even sketch on the horse's belly.
-I would like to do that. -Yeah.
-You're my type of guy. -[sighs]
There are times when you're under a horse,
-where it can get real. -Yeah.
And it can get real fast.
-Everything under a… -[Richard] Real fast.
[Bob] Real fast under the horse.
'Cause you've got horseflies,
you've got whatever the horse is dealing with.
Not with my horse, mate.
-What's your horse? -There's no horseflies near my horse.
That's a promise.
Richard is struggling.
[groans] Good grief.
Anyway, do you have anywhere in your house that you can hide away?
-To, you know, just be by yourself. -Let's talk about intercourse.
[spectators laughing]
-Okay. -Is it on the table?
-No. -Okay.
[Bob] Is that okay?
No. It's…
I assumed you were just looking for a fingering.
[Harriet breathes deeply]
[intercom chimes]
Uh, Lou, go and sit down
and watch Richard and Bob get to know each other.
Sit down and look at them.
[breathes deeply]
-You've got lovely thighs, by the way. -Thank you.
-Yeah, I work on them. -Your eyes, not so good,
-but lovely thighs. -No, this one's weeping.
-Yeah. -And this one's a write-off.
That one's buggered, innit?
[inhales] Oh, dear.
-[all laughing] -[Sara gasps]
[Bob] I haven't even asked your name.
-Tony. -Hiya, Tony.
You're nice. Do you mind me asking about your parents?
I like to do a… [stammers] …what I call a background check.
-Yes. Yes. -But fun.
What did your parents do?
-They worked for NASA. -Right.
-Um, in… -That's the supermarket, yeah?
-Yeah. In PR. -[Bob] Yeah.
And one was on meats,
and the other was on cheeses.
-Meats and cheeses always pleases. -Meats and cheeses.
[laughing]
What do your parents do? Are they still with us?
Um, my father came…
[exhales deeply]
-[laughs] Oh. -[contestant gasps]
[grunts]
-[groans] -Tell us about your father.
-[inhales deeply] My father… -Father…
Your father?
-[sighs] -[Richard] Yes.
What did my father do?
[Richard] What did he do?
-He… -[Richard] What didn't he do?
[Bob] … came up with new ideas…
for biscuits.
[inhales] He, um,
designed a very long biscuit.
A metre long.
-Yeah. Crispy, crunchy. -That's…
-One metre long. -Yep.
Tried to flog it to Crawford's, to Peek Freans, to the lot.
[laughs] Oh!
-Wouldn't touch it. -Gosh, that's brutal.
Yeah, so…
The biscuit industry is one of the hardest industries to break into.
That and arms.
-[Bob] Arms dealing, biscuits dealings. -[clears throat]
Would you invest in arms?
My mother was in arms dealing.
-She sold swords. -[wheezes]
[spectators laughing, cheering]
-[Sara] Oh, my God! -[Daisy] Yes!
[electronic percussion playing]
-Wow. Wow, wow, wow, wow, wow. -Bravo.
-Brilliant! -Wow.
-It was like Messi-Ronaldo, that was. -[Bob, Richard groan]
-Wow. -That was great, that was great.
That's no good.
I can't believe he took him down.
-That's so… -I… That was amazing.
Doors.
Here's the result.
-That looked incredibly difficult. -He has no idea.
Okay, let's… let's take a look at what happened.
Would you invest in arms?
My mother was in arms dealing.
-She sold swords. -[wheezes]
[contestants laughing]
-[Jimmy] A victory there. -Yeah.
A victory there for…
-Um, I mean, I can't believe-- -Yeah. A straight kill shot.
-Straight kill shot. -Straight kill shot.
-Arms dealing, swords. -Yeah.
-[laughs] -Uh, Bob Mortimer, everyone.
-[Lou] Well done. -[chuckles]
Finally, someone has broken Richard Ayoade.
I'm very happy to have gone down
-to an arms-dealing swordswoman. -[chuckles]
I was really chuffed with myself.
Never saw that coming.
-[chuckles] -Okay, everyone here has a yellow card.
If you laugh, you're out.
I'm gonna go in there, I'm gonna restart the game.
[inhales sharply] Good luck.
I feel like I'm constantly on the edge of a nervous breakdown,
and I don't know when it's gonna happen.
[Rob] I'm in trouble here.
I've got… My face is… [stammers] I'm gonna have…
Can I use anything to pull it down?
My concern is, um, you know, the floodgates could open.
You got 45 minutes left, everyone.
-Wow! -[Harriet] Forty-five minutes.
[Jimmy] Door!
Stay in there.
It's sudden death in there.
One mistake and they're out.
-They've all just got a bit of vim now. -They've got… Yeah, that's it.
-They're all back in the game. -Level playing field. Last hour.
Where was this?
Like a sort of dogging area near Ashford, in Kent.
-Right. -[spectators laughing]
Lou's gonna win this, possibly.
-I like the size of a Ferrero Rocher. -Say that again.
We're running out of time. I'm gonna bring someone back.
-From the top. -[low-pitched] ♪ Oh ♪
The worst prostate exam I've ever had.
[Judi] Wow! That was tight!
[all cheering]
I'm calling it. was tight!