IT'S EASIER WITH THE LIPS SLIGHTLY WET.
[inhales deeply] IN THROUGH THE NOSE...
[exhales deeply] OUT THROUGH THE MOUTH.
REMEMBER, EACH BREATH IS A BRIDGE TO ANOTHER BREATH.
- [cell phone vibrates] - EACH BREATH IS A BRIDGE.
ALL RIGHT, DUNCAN, I THINK THAT'S ENOUGH FOR TODAY.
[cell phone vibrates]
DUNCAN, LISTEN TO ME.
YES, MISS RUTLEDGE.
TOMORROW'S A REALLY IMPORTANT DAY, OKAY?
FOR BOTH OF US. EVERYONE'S COMING.
YOUR GRANDMOTHER IS COMING.
SO CAN YOU DO ME A REALLY BIG FAVOR, PLEASE?
TRY AND PRACTICE BEFORE BED...
JUST A LITTLE.
I WILL, CERTAINLY.
UM, DID YOUR MOM LEAVE A CHECK?
OH. YEAH.
[cell phone vibrates]
EW.
[orchestral music]
♪ ♪
[applause]
I HOPE I WASN'T TOO FAST FOR YOU.
OH, NO, I THOUGHT YOU WERE RATHER SLUGGISH TONIGHT.
AFTER YOU, MAESTRO.
- BEAUTIFUL, AS ALWAYS. - THANK YOU. THANK YOU.
- THANK YOU.
GOOD LUCK. [chuckles]
YEAH.
THANK YOU SO MUCH.
JOSHUA BELL.
SAFE TRIP TO BEIJING TONIGHT.
WELL...
AS MOST OF YOU KNOW,
TONIGHT'S CONCERT MARKS THE FINAL PERFORMANCE
THAT I SHALL GIVE AS THE CONDUCTOR
OF THIS VERY FINE ORCHESTRA.
[applause] THANK YOU.
NOW, JUST BECAUSE YOU WON'T SEE ME HERE,
IT DOESN'T MEAN TO SAY THAT I WON'T BE HERE.
IN FACT, IT'S JUST THE OPPOSITE.
I HAVE GRATEFULLY ACCEPTED THE NEWLY MINTED ROLE
OF EXECUTIVE MUSICAL DIRECTOR EMERITUS...
- WHATEVER THE HELL THAT MEANS. - [laughter]
BEFORE I DO GO, I WOULD JUST LIKE TO SAY
A HEARTFELT THANKS
TO SOME VERY SPECIAL PEOPLE HERE TONIGHT.
THEY ARE MY COLLEAGUES, MY FRIENDS...
MY FAMILY.
THEY ARE THE MEN AND WOMEN OF YOUR SYMPHONY.
PLEASE.
[applause]
AND NOW WILL YOU PLEASE WARMLY WELCOME
THE WOMAN BEHIND THE CURTAIN,
THE BOARD CHAIRPERSON HERSELF, MRS. GLORIA WINDSOR?
THANK YOU.
[applause]
GOOD EVENING. GOOD EVENING.
THANK YOU, THOMAS, FOR EVERYTHING.
AND SO...
AS ONE MOVEMENT ENDS, ANOTHER MUST BEGIN.
[epic classical music plays]
IT IS MY HONOR TO INTRODUCE TO YOU
SOMEONE SPECIAL.
AT 12 YEARS OLD, HE WAS THE YOUNGEST PERSON
TO EVER WIN THE MAHLER AWARD FOR YOUNG CONDUCTORS.
AT 23, HE CONDUCTED AT LA SCALA.
AT 25, HE LIFTED THE OSLO SYMPHONY
OUT OF BANKRUPTCY
AND PLACED THEM AMONGST THE FINEST ON THE WORLD STAGE.
♪ ♪
HE HAS BEEN COURTED
BY BOSTON,
LOS ANGELES, SAN FRANCISCO, MUNICH,
AND WE GOT HIM.
PLEASE JOIN ME IN WELCOMING A MAN
WHO NEED ONLY BE INTRODUCED BY HIS FIRST NAME,
YOUR NEW CONDUCTOR AND MUSICAL DIRECTOR...
- AH! - RODRIGO!
[mumbles]
[applause]
♪ ♪
MWAH.
I LOVE YOU. [laughs]
I LOVE YOU. I LOVE YOU.
♪ ♪
[murmurs]
[laughter]
OH. [laughing]
[Thomas chuckles]
OH. AW.
I HAD TO. I'M SORRY. I'M SORRY.
I LOVE YOU.
DOES HE ALSO DO CHILDREN'S PARTIES?
I THINK HE'S AMAZING.
THAT WAS A GREAT PERFORMANCE TONIGHT, MAESTRO.
LOOK, GLORIA, I LOVE YOU,
BUT DON'T EVER UNDERESTIMATE ME.
[chuckles] DARLING, I THINK YOU GO TO THE SAME HAIRDRESSER.
[chuckling]
SO I'M PLAYING THIS RICH-BITCH GIG IN SAG HARBOR,
AND THE HOSTESS IS WORKING MY SHAFT, MY BALLS,
AND I'M TOTALLY FUCKING HAMMERED
OFF OF SIX GLASSES OF RIESLING,
AND THEN I PASS OUT.
AND THEN- GOOD NIGHT, BOYS.
GOOD NIGHT. GOOD NIGHT, CYNTHIA.
AND THEN CHOMP...
HEY, SEXY, YOU GOING DOWNTOWN?
OH, I'M SORRY, CYNTHIA. I'M GOING UPTOWN.
SHIT. I GOT TO BE IN TIMES SQUARE IN TEN MINUTES.
TWO-A-NIGHTS?
OH. OH, I REMEMBER THOSE DAYS.
HERE, YOU TAKE IT.
YOU'RE FANTASTIC.
WELL, BRUNO, SHE PLAYED YOU BEAUTIFULLY.
AH...
BELLISSIMA, EH? [laughs]
THOMAS, DARLING,
OVER HERE.
HAVE A GOOD NIGHT.
YES. GOOD NIGHT, MAESTRO.
- MAESTRO. - WHAT? WHAT'S THIS?
- THE PRESS RELEASE. - OH.
THEY'LL NEED A QUOTE FROM YOU.
♪ BUT SOMEHOW WE MISSED OUT ♪
♪ ON THE POT OF GOLD ♪
♪ BUT WE'LL TRY ♪
♪ BEST THAT WE CAN ♪
♪ TO CARRY ON ♪
[screaming] MY EYES!
♪ I THOUGHT THAT THEY WERE ANGELS ♪
♪ BUT TO MY SURPRISE ♪
♪ WE CLIMBED ABOARD THEIR STARSHIP ♪
♪ WE HEADED FOR THE SKIES ♪
♪ SINGING COME SAIL AWAY ♪
♪ COME SAIL AWAY ♪
♪ COME SAIL AWAY WITH ME, LADS ♪
♪ COME SAIL AWAY, COME SAIL AWAY ♪
♪ COME SAIL AWAY WITH ME ♪
♪ COME SAIL AWAY, COME SAIL AWAY ♪
♪ COME SAIL AWAY WITH ME ♪
♪ COME SAIL AWAY, COME SAIL AWAY ♪
♪ COME SAIL AWAY WITH ME ♪
CYNTHIA, YOU'RE KILLING ME.
IF IT WASN'T FOR THIS PRETTY YOUNG LADY,
TONIGHT WOULD'VE BEEN A DISASTER.
I OWE YOU.
- MAY I OFFER YOU A RIDE HOME? - EASY, BERNARD.
- WHAT'S YOUR NAME? - I'M HAILEY.
- HAILEY, YOU'RE COMING WITH ME. - OKAY.
- DEBORAH... - YOU'RE WELCOME.
FOR WHAT?
KEEPING BERNARD OUT OF YOUR PANTS.
I THOUGHT I KNEW EVERY OBOIST IN TOWN.
- I'M CYNTHIA. - CYNTHIA TAYLOR, I KNOW.
YOU'RE SECOND CELLO IN THE NEW YORK SYMPHONY.
IT'S A REAL HONOR.
YOU DRINK, I HOPE.
- [cork pops] - TO RODRIGO!
all: RODRIGO!
I JUST LOVE THESE IDEAS.
THEY'RE SO FRESH, SO INNOVATIVE.
I CAN SEE.
THOMAS, I'M SO GLAD YOU CAME.
- CAN WE GET A GLASS OF CHAMPAGNE? - IT WON'T BE NECESSARY.
- I WON'T BE STAYING THAT LONG. - [snaps fingers]
[paper rustles]
IS THIS A JOKE?
[snaps fingers]
"UNDER THE GUIDANCE OF OUR NEW CONDUCTOR,
"RODRIGO DESOUSA,
"OUR COMING SEASON WILL FEATURE SOME SURPRISING HIGHLIGHTS,
"SUCH AS TURNING OFF THE HOUSE LIGHTS
AND PLAYING SELECTED PIECES IN COMPLETE DARKNESS."
WE HIRED RODRIGO TO BRING NEW IDEAS,
A YOUTHFUL POINT OF VIEW.
YOU WERE IN ON THE DECISION.
YOU CONTINUE TO BE IN ON EVERY DECISION THAT WE MAKE HERE.
WHAT NEXT-
"BRING A PET TO THE SYMPHONY" DAY?
OUR SUBSCRIBERS, THEY'RE NOT GONNA STAND FOR--
OH, PUT THAT CHAMPAGNE DOWN, SERGEANT PEPPER.
CHAMPAGNE IS FOR CELEBRATING,
AND I DON'T CONSIDER THE EROSION
OF A MAGNIFICENT INSTITUTION LIKE THIS--
STOP BEING SO DRAMATIC.
I'M GONNA GO.
THANK YOU, GLORIA. THANK YOU.
IT'S BEEN LOVELY. MAESTRO, COURT, GRAZIE.
GRAZIE.
HAVEN'T YOU GOT ANYTHING TO SAY FOR YOURSELF?
IN ENGLISH, PREFERABLY.
EMILY WU, THE FIRST VIOLIN,
SHE PLAYED SHARP 17 TIMES IN THE FIRST MOVEMENT ALONE.
AND THEN THE HORNS CAME A BAR LATE,
WHICH COMPLETELY THREW OFF THE CLARINET,
AND WE WEREN'T ABLE TO PERCEIVE
TCHAIKOVSKY'S DESIRED DYNAMIC SHIFT FROM BARS 27 TO 34.
AND BRUNO, BRUNO CASSEL,
THE BASS PLAYER...
HE'S OLD.
HE CAN BARELY HOLD HIS BOW.
I DON'T KNOW WHO YOU WERE TORTURING MORE--
ME OR HIM.
YOU PRICK.
CHANGES WILL BE MADE.
AND, MAESTRO, I HOPE I DON'T DISAPPOINT YOU
OR THE VALUES OF THIS GREAT INSTITUTION.
HAILEY RUTLEDGE, OBOIST.
YEAH, THAT'S MY PARENTS' IDEA OF A CHRISTMAS PRESENT, SO...
[laughs] I LIKE THE DRAWING.
SO I HAVE ON THE ROCKS FOR YOU.
- OH, THANK YOU. - AND A NEAT FOR YOU.
AND ACTUALLY, UM, THIS ROUND'S GONNA BE ON ME.
- OH, THANK YOU. - YEAH, OF COURSE. MY PLEASURE.
THANKS.
CUTE ASS, RIGHT?
[chuckles] TOTALLY.
[chuckles] I BET HE'S A DANCER.
- THEY'RE THE BEST. - THE BEST?
ANECDOTAL EVIDENCE AND MY PERSONAL SCIENTIFIC RESEARCH
SUGGEST THERE'S A DIRECT CORRELATION
BETWEEN WHAT A MAN DOES FOR A LIVING AND THE WAY HE FUCKS.
MM.
VIOLINISTS, FOR EXAMPLE...
YEAH, COME ON.
THEY TEND TO COME QUICKLY. IT'S ALL THOSE ARPEGGIOS.
[moans]
PERCUSSIONISTS POUND YOU LIKE YOU'RE IN A PORNO.
[loud slapping]
KIND OF FUN FOR ABOUT TEN MINUTES.
- GOOD CARDIO, THOUGH. - [chuckles]
WHAT ABOUT THEM?
PIANISTS--TRICKY.
TYPICALLY THEY FALL INTO TWO GENERAL GROUPS-
JAZZ AND CLASSICAL.
- I GO FOR JAZZ. - WHY?
IMPROVISATION- THEY PLAY OFF YOU.
ALSO, THEY'RE INTO ENSEMBLES.
- [laughs] - [cell phone chimes]
WHAT ABOUT, UM, CONDUCTORS?
TOO COMPLICATED.
HAILEY, OBOISTS ARE A RARE COMMODITY THESE DAYS.
STRINGS, ON THE OTHER HAND,
WE'RE LIKE HYENAS FIGHTING OVER THE SAME DEAD ANIMAL.
YOU'RE REALLY GOOD.
THANK YOU.
OKAY, SO CAN I GET YOU ANYTHING ELSE, LADIES?
- YOUR NAME. - EXCUSE ME?
YOUR NAME, SKINNY JEANS.
[chuckles] I'M ALEX.
YOU LOOK LIKE A DANCER, ALEX. AM I RIGHT?
YEAH, I-I AM, ACTUALLY- BALLET.
I'M TRAINING AT JUILLIARD.
ALEX, HAILEY. HAILEY, ALEX.
HAILEY IS AN OBOIST FROM NORTH CAROLINA.
ALEX IS A BALLET DANCER HERE IN NEW YORK.
- NICE TO MEET YOU. - YEAH, YEAH, YOU TOO, HAILEY.
[cell phone chimes]
UH, LISTEN, I BETTER BE GOING.
WHY DON'T YOU, UH, SIT DOWN AND THE TWO OF YOU CHAT AWHILE?
OH, WELL, ACTUALLY, WE COULD PROBABLY SHARE A CAB, SO...
I'M NOT TAKING A CAB, BUT I'LL CALL YOU.
- LET'S STAY IN TOUCH. - CHANGE OR, UH...?
- HAVE A FANTASTIC TIME. - OH, THANK YOU.
IT'S ALL GOOD.
YOUR FRIEND'S AWESOME. WHAT IS IT, LIKE, AN $40 TIP?
YEAH. [chuckles]
YOU DON'T ACTUALLY HAVE TO STAY HERE AND TALK TO ME.
WELL, HEY, YOU KNOW, I'M ACTUALLY ABOUT TO GET OFF.
UH, A BUNCH OF US ARE PROBABLY GONNA GO OUT LATER.
WANT TO COME WITH?
OH, I'D LOVE THAT.
I JUST, UM...
I HAVE TO GET UP SO EARLY.
- OH, YEAH. - YEAH.
- [chuckles] - ALL RIGHT, WELL, UM...
THAT'S COOL. ENJOY YOUR DRINK AND...
- DRINKS. - DRINKS, PLURAL.
YEAH.
MY LOSS.
THIS IS A $350,000 CELLO, YOU ASSHOLE.
GET IN.
DON'T TREAT ME LIKE A HOOKER.
I SHOULDN'T HAVE TAUGHT YOU HOW TO TEXT.
POP IT.
AH, MY WHOLE WORLD IS FALLING APART.
HE'S GOOD, ISN'T HE?
OH, WELL, DON'T TELL ME YOU WOULDN'T FUCK HIM.
OH, PLEASE. IS THIS THE KIND OF NIGHT IT'S GONNA BE?
LET ME OUT.
FORGET THAT. KEEP GOING.
IF YOU HAVE TO ASK THE QUESTION,
YOU ALREADY KNOW THE ANSWER.
YES, HE'S GOOD.
HE'S A MONSTER.
HE'S MAKING CUTS...
WOODWINDS AND BRASS FOR NOW.
THE UNION WILL HAVE SOMETHING TO SAY ABOUT THAT.
YOU CAN'T JUST COME IN AND INSTALL YOUR FRIENDS.
OH, I DOUBT HE HAS ANY FRIENDS.
I WAS HIM ONCE.
YOU STILL ARE.
[belt buckle clangs]
[record scratching]
LET'S GET BIZET!
all: WHOO!
[classical music]
♪ ♪
OH, SHIT! LOOK WHO GOT HERE.
THIS PARTY'S ABOUT TO GET FUCKED UP!
♪♪
YOU GOT TO TRY MY NEW INVENTION.
♪♪
I CALL IT THE "GANJANOME."
NICE.
OKAY, I'M GONNA GO TO BED.
OH, JUST STAY UP A WHILE.
HAVE A DRINK, RELAX, YOU KNOW, GO FUCKING APESHIT.
- YOU GO FUCKING APESHIT. - I AM FUCKING APESHIT!
LISTEN, HOT GUYS ARE ON THEIR WAY OVER.
DO YOU WANT ME TO SAVE YOU ONE?
NO.
WELL, THERE'S A FLUTIST OUT HERE,
AND HE WANTS TO PLAY YOU IN "SHOWDOWN,"
AND HE THINKS HE'S AWESOME, BUT I THINK YOU CAN DESTROY HIM.
NO.
HE SAID THE OBOE WAS AN UNDERNOURISHED CLARINET.
FUCK YOU, LOVE YOU, GOODNIGHT, LIZZIE.
all: HAILEY! HAILEY! HAILEY!
[cheers and applause]
I HATE YOU GUYS.
ALL RIGHT, OKAY. EVERYBODY SHUT UP.
FINAL BETS.
OH, 20, ALL RIGHT.
PLACE YOUR BETS.
FINAL BETS.
WHOO! ROMANTIC, BABY. TWO SHOTS.
TWO SHOTS!
THIS IS THE PIANO ARRANGEMENT.
IT DOESN'T MATTER.
[playing flute]
♪♪
[cheers and applause]
BOOM.
COME ON, COME ON, COME ON.
all: OH. BAROQUE. THREE SHOTS!
[playing oboe]
♪♪
YEAH!
TAKE THAT, BITCH!
NOT BAD.
[playing flute]
♪♪
ROUND AND ROUND IT GOES.
WHO KNOWS WHERE IT'S GONNA END UP?
♪♪
[cheers and applause]
[man laughs] WHOO!
[whistling]
[hits off-key note] all: OH!
YES.
YES! YES!
I GOT TO PUT PANTS ON.
[cheers and applause]
SHIT.
HOW DO I LOOK? TRANNY TRAIN WRECK?
NO, YOU LOOK FINE. YOU LOOK TOTALLY FINE.
- YEAH? - WHY?
WELL, THOSE DANCERS ARE HERE.
ONE OF THEM, ALEX MERRIWEATHER,
MY FRIEND SAYS HE'S, LIKE, THE HOTTEST THING AT JUILLIARD.
I'M GONNA SEDUCE HIM. [speaking indistinctly]
WHAT ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT? SO, YEAH, IT WAS, LIKE...
IT'S BEEN INCREDIBLY HARD SINCE MY BOYFRIEND DIED.
I'VE BEEN REALLY LONELY.
HEY. HI.
IS IT, UH, COOL IF I JOIN YOU GUYS OUT HERE?
YEAH, I'M LIZZIE. THIS IS MY PLACE.
- THAT'S MY ROOMMATE. - HEY.
YEAH, WE MET.
I'M SORRY ABOUT YOUR BOYFRIEND.
THAT'S--THAT'S HORRIBLE. HOW'D HE DIE?
BUBONIC PLAGUE.
I GOT IT, TOO, BUT I MADE IT.
- [chuckles] - [window opens]
LIZZIE, YOU BETTER GET IN HERE.
THERE'S KIND OF AN EMERGENCY. VOMIT IN YOUR VICTROLA.
OH, FUCK! THAT'S AN ANTIQUE!
MOST VICTROLAS ARE ANTIQUES.
I'M JUST GONNA PUREL THIS BITCH RIGHT QUICK,
AND, UM, I'LL FIND YOU.
[lighter clicks]
[inhales sharply] YOU WANT SOME?
OH, NO, THANKS. SMOKE IS THE ENEMY.
- [both laugh] - SHIT. SORRY.
[shivers] OH, IT'S FREEZING.
OH, HERE.
SO--SO YOU PLAY JUST, LIKE, UNBELIEVABLY WELL.
THANKS.
NORTH CAROLINA, RIGHT? I'M FROM NASHVILLE.
THAT'S KINDA CLOSE, I GUESS.
YEAH.
KIND OF.
IT'S A PRETTY OVERWHELMING PLACE, HUH?
TOTALLY.
I FEEL LIKE ALL I SPEND MY TIME DOING
IS, LIKE, FIGURING OUT HOW TO MAKE MONEY
AND THEN FIGURING OUT HOW TO BE A GOOD ROOMMATE
AND A GOOD DAUGHTER,
AND, LIKE, NONE OF IT IS ABOUT THE ART.
SO WHEN I'M SUCCESSFUL--
YOU THINK IT'LL BE EASIER?
IT BETTER BE. [chuckles]
YOU KNOW...
I'VE ALWAYS WONDERED SOMETHING.
DO YOUR LIPS HURT AFTER YOU PLAY LIKE THAT?
UM, I MEAN, THEY USED TO.
BUT NOW I GUESS THEY'RE, LIKE,
KIND OF USED TO BEING USED, SO...
THAT SHIT WAS FUCKING DISGUSTING.
AND HANK HAD AN ACCIDENT ON YOUR BED TOO.
OH, SHIT. OKAY, THANKS FOR YOUR SCARF.
SORRY.
IT'S FREEZING OUTSIDE MY APARTMENT.
FEEL LIKE MY TITS ARE GONNA FALL OFF.
'CAUSE THEY'RE FROZEN.
CAN I BORROW THAT?
[snoring]
OH, MY GOD.
- WHAT THE FUCK, MOM? - SORRY.
[indistinct chatter, music playing]
[squawking]
I SOUND HORRIBLE. I SUCK.
BUT I PRACTICED LAST NIGHT.
I FOCUSED ON MY BREATHING LIKE YOU SAID.
DUNCAN, SHUT UP. JUST--JUST SHUT UP.
GET ME A GLASS OF WATER.
I'M EXTREMELY HUNGOVER, AND I'M NOT PROUD OF IT.
[knocking on glass]
[mouthing words] OKAY, I KNOW.
EACH BREATH IS A BRIDGE TO ANOTHER BREATH.
[cell phone chimes]
HAILEY, IT'S CYNTHIA.
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE HELL YOU'RE DOING RIGHT NOW.
DROP IT AND GET OVER TO THE SYMPHONY HALL.
RODRIGO IS HOLDING AUDITIONS.
THEY'RE SEEING WOODWINDS UNTIL 11:00.
YOU DIDN'T HEAR IT FROM ME.
I CAN'T FUCKING BELIEVE THIS IS HAPPENING.
OKAY, WHERE WERE WE?
HAILEY, GO.
YOU CAN SNEAK OUT THROUGH THE SERVICE ELEVATOR.
- WHAT ABOUT YOUR MOM? - I'M NOT AFRAID OF HER.
AND ANYWAY, IF YOU GET THAT JOB,
SHE'LL BRAG TO EVERYBODY THAT HER SON TAKES LESSONS
FROM AN OBOIST AT THE NEW YORK SYMPHONY.
GET OUT OF HERE.
BYE.
[playing oboe]
♪♪
WHAT DO YOU THINK?
- I-- I-- - PERFECT, RIGHT?
YES.
NEXT!
GRAZIE.
[dramatic classical music]
♪♪
[playing oboe]
♪♪
WRITE THIS DOWN.
I WANT A TURKEY SANDWICH
WITH NO MAYONNAISE.
WHAT DOES IT SAY?
TURKEY SANDWICH WITH NO MAYONNAISE.
OKAY.
[dramatic classical music]
♪ ♪
[playing oboe]
♪ ♪
THANK YOU. NEXT.
IT'S OVER, SIR.
[dramatic classical music]
♪♪
[sniffles]
FUCK.
[plays note]
[plays oboe]
♪♪
[rest of orchestra plays]
♪♪ f orchestra plays]