I'm getting a little too old for this.
Damn desert.
- What's the Code name? - Anacleto.
You can't smoke here.
Goddamn anti-smoking law.
No one's been here in a while.
Sometimes you have to come to the very end of the world...
to clean up this mess.
Anacleto, I've been here for 10 years because of you!
I'm gonna... I'm gonna kill you...
- May you rot in hell you rot in hell! - Me neither! - My mind's gone blank.
Get out!
You're a popular guy round here.
My fan club. I'll sure miss them when I retire.
Oh, I've got one, I've got it right here.
I wrote it down.
But, reading it ruins it completely.
Anacleto.
Vázquez.
Long time, 30 years? You can tell.
I've got to say, you sure look better with long hair.
I see you thought about me a lot.
When you have just one aim in life, you...
- you devote time to it. - Don't worry, Vázquez...
I'm here to take you to a smaller, dirtier prison.
You'll have the next 20 years to plaster your cell with sketches.
You know, what's a shame? They're closing the GP.
It seems, you're no longer necessary.
So many years fighting criminals like me...
- at the end budget cuts get you. - It looks like you are annoyed at me.
Anacleto, I've been in prison for 30 years because of you.
Believe me, "annoyed" isn't the word.
Now, you can spend more time with your son.
You do have a son, right?
It's amazing what you find out in solitary confinement.
Don't mention my son again!
The saw, quick! Cut this.
- I forgot it. - What? Get these cuffs off!
Oh, this goddamn mask!
You know, it slipped our minds. I didn't get the bazooka with me.
The Butcher and the Molecule.
I see, you still get the top men.
What was your catchphrase?
"Anacleto never fails?"
It doesn't seem very accurate now, does it?
It sure as hell looks to me like your plan didn't work out, either.
You don't know my plan, yet.
- It's to kill you and your son! - No!
This has only just begun.
Watch it with the weed, eh?
But, no one can see us.
Hey! A little respect, I'm your boss...
and you're hogging the joint.
Alright, boss.
Some boss...
- Another rough day at the office. - You got it.
If I'd listened to my dad, I'd be shoveling a pile of poop right now.
Change the channel, would you?
There you go.
- What do we do? - How should I know? You're the boss.
But, I'm no dictator, I want your opinion.
I don't fancy going down there, messing about with those creeps.
Do we call the cops?
By the time they arrive, those TVs will be in the Ukraine.
There'd be a report, paperwork, a mess.
Besides, you do know that the company allows for robberies in the price.
Listen we're watchdogs, right? We just watch, we don't fight.
So, we are watching, you do know that.
Shall we put on a movie?
Katia, can you turn down the music, please?
Yeah, sure, go ahead. Why don't you go to sleep?
We had a really tough night. We kind of got robbed, you know.
Yeah, well, in the hospital we had it easy.
Twiddling our thumbs the whole time.
And you know being Friday, people didn't go nuts...
no alcoholic comas or accidents.
I know.
And I could've spent another hour in bed, but, no...
you know, I'd rather pick you up, the asshole of the world.
- Okay. - You know, I've got an idea.
Maybe, you could get your driver's license for start.
I know, but I just don't have the time.
Working at night...
Why did you stop the car? We're not there yet.
We have to talk.
Adolfo, I'm tired of arguing about the same thing.
Then, we can keep quiet. I can go back to sleep.
No, no, no, that's not the problem, you never say or do anything.
Nothing! You spend all day on the couch.
Couch-movie-blanket, that's all you want from life.
But, you like it too.
And when we watch television, you know, we get under the blankets...
we get some pizzas. It's great.
But, I don't want to live on the couch.
- No. - And you know it.
Yes.
So you know what? I got myself a ticket to India.
Jesus!
I got into the World's Doctor again, and this time I'm sorry, but...
- I'm no waiting for you to decide. - I was coming with you.
Really?
It's just that it wasn't the right time.
- No? - No.
In 6 years?
- Oh, time flies. - You don't even have a passport.
I'm really sorry. I am.
- I love you. - Yeah, me too! - No wait, wait.
I know that, you'll never budge from here.
And I, I just need other things.
I really need adventure and excitement.
And I know, I'll never have that with you.
What is this all about, actually?
Are you leaving me?
It's all set.
I'm going to go in a week.
I'm going to stay at my mother's, until then.
What about me?
Are you leaving me in the boonies? Just like that?
No, no, no...
sorry, I'll take you where you want...
But, just you know, we are done.
Dad, are you ever going to answer that phone of yours?
What was in the van? Where's the merchandise?
No. I don't want any rugs, thanks.
- The waiter thinks he's a funny guy. - Looks stupid.
I'm going to kill him.
- We can get a ransom from Spain. - Ah, so you understand me?
- Come on guys, I'll make you a deal. - Go on.
You give me your Jeep, your guns and all your cash...
and you stay in this damn desert without water or provisions.
Okay, now, comes the good part:
I promise, before I leave the country, I'll visit your wives.
Don't get me wrong, guys. I'll be gentle, real romantic.
Dinner, champagne, candles, all that stuff.
They'll love it and thank me by naming your future kids after me.
Anacleto. How do you like the deal?
Anacleto! What is this crap? You bloody pig! You dog!
Anacleto never fails.
- "Code name?" - Anacleto.
"Boss, it's Anacleto."
Anacleto, about time! What took you so long to get in touch?
You know the game's sacred.
You know, I had to pair up with Rentero, who can't back me at all.
I had to bluff big. I can't believe, he's a spy!
Boss, I am sorry, they knew the route. They were expecting us.
Unbelievable! And Vázquez?
He blew up the van and got away.
He knows I have a son. Adolfo must be protected.
Let's go! Let's go! I want a special unit! Close the borders!
Polita, I want the passenger list for all departing flights right now!
Boss, but, we haven't had the budget for border agents for years.
You should know that.
Send me a helicopter!
Oh, yes, sure. With a jacuzzi included!
We don't have the budget for a helicopter, you should know that!
You'll have to get out alone, you know the score.
Boss, you simply have to send someone to watch over Adolfo.
I'll send down 2 agents, but, they'll be working overtime and that...
comes out of your severance pay.
I'm too old for this.
Listen to me, dude. She's no good, you don't need her.
We're fine right here with our booze, our buddies...
sexually available women, free peanuts what else do you want?
I'm allergic to one peanut. My heart stops, I die.
- But, I don't care. - I do!
They're out of peanuts. Look at the babes here. Just look!
- Are you allergic to them, too? - I don't like any of them...
none of them are like Katia.
Get over it, man. Just get over it.
Katia just walked by.
Let's go.
- I'll show that girl! - Martin, no, no! Come back here!
Martin!
You think, you're someone special...
by going to India to save the world, you think you are Gandhi?
What about Adolfo?
What do you think, Gandhi would've left his boyfriend on the roadside?
What's your problem? Why do you care, if we break up?
Because I care, you got it?
He's my friend and subordinate. So, if you think...
for one moment that he's afraid to tell you, then I will.
Yeah, I think he's a big boy now.
He doesn't need anyone to defend him, least of all you.
She's right, Martin. Come on, now. Let's get out of here. Come on.
You're just safe because all your girl friends...
are here, otherwise you have no idea.
Otherwise, you'd hit me? Yeah, you want to hit me?
Maybe, I just might.
What happens when you get hurt? What will you do?
Will you run to Mom, like you always do?
You've never won a fight with me your whole life! - Oh, yeah?
Idiot!
Now, you're going to get it.
Don't, don't touch me!
Not the hair!
What the hell's going on?
Just relax, it's a brother-sister fight. Back off.
- You know what it's like. Don't you? - No.
I want to get some coffee!
She got you in the balls. I swear to God...
it's always either the hair or the balls.
You're crazy! He could've killed us!
I needed that!
He took the kick that you intended for me.
Either you or my brother.
After all, we've done, now, we're just babysitters.
You bet. Remember that mission in Antarctica?
Yeah. When they shot at us with nuclear missiles?
And that mess with the King's double mess in Bulgaria?
- And the Pakonia mummy? - And Operation Heliotrope?
- And the Moon Storm mission? - Whoa!
- We were big dogs, back then. - Yeah.
But, we don't have a photo.
Yeah, that's right, but it's all up here in my head, you know.
Adolfo, what are you doing?
I don't know. Making love to you?
I think, I know what happened, you were having second thoughts.
This is classic making up.
No, Adolfo. It's...
You know, its classic goodby sex.
I'm leaving in a week.
- Say what? - Sorry, if I confused you.
The goodbye in the car was so dull, I thought this was better.
- I'm leaving. - Where? This is your place, too.
What you want to do? You want to rob me?
Take the big television, it's all yours. I don't care.
You want my card? The PIN's easy: 1234.
Here you go. The ATM's around the block. Doesn't charge commission.
Damn!
Hey, are you okay?
Rob me, but, don't hit me.
I don't know Karate.
Wait, wait, we can talk about this.
No.
Let's leave it at that, okay?
You don't think so?
Katia...
Katia.
Katia, I think, I just killed a Chinaman.
I think, we better call the cops.
I couldn't help, he was trying to attack me. But...
Adolfo.
What happened to your face?
Where?
The Chinaman!
Wait here.
I don't see him anywhere, but there was a Chinaman.
He came in through the door and started hitting me.
He tossed me floor, on the wall, like a rag.
So, I had to fight back, right? I had to defend myself.
I threw him down here, real hard.
Must be the video games, I've never hit anyone. All my life. I swear.
Adolfo, why did you do that to your face?
- Is this self harm, so I'd pity you? - Katia...
I swear, you got to believe me.
There was a dead Chinaman there.
There was blood all over the place.
He grabbed me...
I stuck your vibrator in his mouth...
I want.
- How long have you had this? - Don't change the subject.
- Okay. - What did you do to your face?
Katia, think about it. Think, why would I do this to myself?
When I said adventure and excitement...
this is what you thought I was talking about?
- It's true! - Don't make this weirder..
Or harder than it already is.
- But, I... - No, Adolfo.
No, we're not getting back together.
Adolfo.
Dad, what are you doing here?
It's been ages since we spent a day together, son.
I decided to take you home, make your favorite food...
and sit down to a nice long chat.
- Seriously? - What do you think?
I'm on a deli delivery, but now, I'm right here.
- What's with the bags? - Nothing.
I'm moving out of the apartment, temporarily.
Katia and I thought it was for the best.
She kicked you out?
- Kind off. We've split up. - And she beat you up?
- I don't think I want to talk you. - Hold on!
- I'll give you a lift. - Okay.
But, I don't want to talk about it, because I don't feel like it.
- You just make fun of me. - Fine.
Give me your bags, the back's full of sausage.
- And you'll squash it. - Fine, here you go.
Going to India, of all places.
She can't be a doctor here. She has got...
to go halfway round the world to be one?
She complains that I have got no driver's license, that I'm dull...
and she wants adventure.
She's a party pooper too. When I want to play video games...
she says "I'm tired from the hospital".
Am I the only boring one here? You tell me.
Why the hell you didn't you get your driving license?
You promised to teach me how to drive! Didn't you?
You should've done it when you were 18. You've had time since then.
Why can you say something positive to me, when I'm feeling down?
Why are you making it worse for me?
Something like "She's a bitch, she does..."
Not deserve you, she can rot in hell...
she'll be all alone all her life...
I could, but, I don't like lying.
Were you always this honest even with Mom?
Your mother? You were too young to remember...
but, she had a special natural talent for twisting the knife.
A moving family moment. I'm taking a nap.
Sapristi! What's up, Sapristi?
Come here.
My dog Sapristi.
Adolfo.
You must be starving.
I can make something to eat for you.
Don't worry, son, I'll take care of everything.
'The other day, it snowed and it was fun...
because I made a snowman in the garden.'
'Dad said, it was crap with a mouth and nose.'
'So I told him his sausages were crap...
and the son of a bitch could shove them up his nose.'
'He didn't like me saying "son of a bitch"...
but, I kept yelling "son of a bitch, son of a bitch..."
Until the creep locked me in my room.
I'll never make a snowman again!
- Yes? - Everything okay?
All clean. Do you have a clue about Vázquez's whereabouts?
Leave it to me. You 2 sit tight there...
- until things calm down. Alright? - Great.
What was that sound? What the hell is going on?
Nothing to worry about, son. It's just that I dropped a pot.
- You know what, Dad? You are weird. - No, no, no, no, no, don't worry.
I'll tidy it up.
I wasn't going to. I just wanted some cookies.
Damn it! You bought walnut cookies again, Dad!
I almost had an allergic attack!
I don't have much time to explain.
Why are you doing that?
I wasn't going to tell you, but it doesn't matter now.
I'm a secret agent.
You a secret agent?
What are you talking about?
It's the truth.
The farm's a front, I've worked for the GP for years.
The GP? What does that mean?
It's the agency's name. Who cares? The Boss made it up.
- Who's "the Boss"? - It's a code name.
Oh, a code name. And what's yours?
Anacleto.
"Anacleto, Secret Agent". You just made that up!
No, don't come any closer.
Look, we don't have much time.
Tell me, who are you?
You're a psychopath, right?
I knew it was weird: you're alone all day,
shut up here with that shitty dog.
You've developed a rational hatred for society.
You're into shredding people.
- What? - You fit the profile.
What profile? Don't talk rubbish!
The profile. A man alone, distant, unaffectionate, talks weird.
Who's talking rubbish now?
You're way off track, son.
Tell me that the sausage you've crammed into me all my life
didn't have human flesh, they were just nice and homemade.
It was the meat.
Is that really more credible than me being a secret agent?
Get down!
The table!
- They're here! - What the hell's going on?
So, a cannibal or a secret agent? Have you got it now?
I don't know! Who are they? Why are they attacking us?
The goons of Vázquez, my arch-enemy.
Your what?
Your arch-enemy?
What are you saying?
Where are you going now?
You keep chewing gum in there?
Here. They're coming in. Shoot to kill.
Are you nuts? I can't do that.
Yes, you can. Look at me.
You're confused, but you're ready.
I'm a guard at Electro Market. I don't even have a club.
Trust me, I trained you.
You trained me? When?
All your life. Don't you remember?
Let's fly, Adolfo, you'll see, it'll be fun.
It's been over for a long time,
but some things
you never forget,
however much time passes.
You're a psycho.
I knew it'd come in handy.
- You had no right. - It was handy with the Chinaman.
The Chinaman? I knew it!
I knew I didn't dream it, and Katia didn't believe me!
One down.
You're chewing gum now?
It's a bomb. Take cover!
Look out! Shoot!
Beginner's luck.
- What have you turned me into? - We have to go.
They're all dead, I killed them.
These people had family, friends...
If they had kids, how much misery is that?
- You didn't feel anything? - Yes, the recoil.
- So you're made of ice. - If it makes you feel better,
it was them or us.
But I haven't done anything, people like me.
They don't want to be BFFs, but they don't want to kill me.
It's my fault. They're after you in order to hurt me.
You barely notice me, they should've gone for the dog.
- Where is he? - I don't know, he's yours.
Sapristi!
- No, no, no! - Stop! Stop!
Get down!
Sapristi...
We have to go now and forget the farm forever.
I will forget it, but I'm not going with you,
I'm going to the police.
- I don't have time to argue. - Neither do I!
Admit it, you were a bit stubborn.
Unbelievable.
And you smoke too.
What?
And you smoke too, you've smoked all your life.
Okay. What was Mom, a ninja?
A spy. The best, until she died.
We wanted to keep you out of it, so we kept it a secret.
This is routine for you.
- How many have you killed? - What does it matter?
No, now we're on the subject, I'd rather you told me.
More than 10?
Yes, more than 10, but they all deserved it.
More than 50?
Yes, more than 50.
- More than 100? - I guess, yes, hundreds.
Hundreds?! 400? 500?
Under a thousand. Happy now?
What? That's a genocidal number!
It's no big deal.
Spread over 30 years on the job, it's two or three a month.
Sure, if you spread it out, I'm fine with that.
What about you? Four in two days.
75.
9.
22, two little ducks...
The money's still not in my account.
I need you to do one last thing.
What more do you want? I told you where the farm was.
I betrayed one of my top agents, my friend, my partner at cards.
I know and I appreciate it, but it's complicated now.
What letter's this?
Gum-Two-Echo. It's a "G", obviously.
Can you be quiet, please?
Those explosives can't leave the GP.
I fulfilled my part of the plan. C'mon, the briefcase.
Jeez, what a pain!
From now on, you're on your own.
What is this crap?
When I was in prison
my henchmen invested all the money in that stamp scam, Forum.
But they'll go up in value. In a few years you'll be
a millionaire... almost for sure. Or in a few months.
No excuses. You have 24 hours to get the money,
or I'll use all my resources to put an end to you.
Cut it out! You can't smoke here, it's a bingo hall.
I'm leaving, lady.
And none too soon.
- Bingo! - Oh, damn it!
The GP.
Just like the Pentagon.
This building isn't in the architecture books
or tourist magazines,
but it's the pillar that holds this country up.
But this is the post office.
You share offices with them?
Cutbacks... Not even national security is a priority.
Dad, how much do you make?
There's a basic salary, then a variable percentage.
Yes, but at the end of the month, after extras, how much?
Really? Before tax?
- Then there's the six-yearly bonus. - You make less than I do.
"Spanish omelet is always round".
Seriously? That's your password?
What's wrong with it?
Nice place, Dad, very modern. Where are the people?
- It's coffee break. - Right, they're civil servants.
Someone's blocking the door. This is fishy.
Fishy...
Damn!
Poison.
Gee, lucky we came here.
I feel super safe. Now what's the plan?
There's a meeting place, in case of emergency.
If there's an agent alive, he'll go there.
Damn it!
What are you doing?
Sending Katia a WhatsApp
with a photo of the dead agents
to prove that the Chinaman was true.
They were my friends, you could at least pretend to care.
I could, yes, but I don't like lying.
Push 'up'!
They're not from the GP.
Dad, you're hit, right there.
- Vázquez. - - Hey!
Anacleto, there you are. How was your stroll in the desert?
You killed all my friends.
I won't stop until I finish you all off.
I want them alive!
The stairs!
Hold it!
This way.
Block the door!
What?
- This way! - I'm not getting up there.
- We have no choice. C'mon! - I'm not getting up there!
Open the door!
- No way I'm jumping! - What do you weigh?
80 kilos.
- The truck's canvas can take it. - I'm 85 kilos, it won't.
Trust me, son. Anacleto never fails.
No! No, no...!
Jeez, Dad!
Come on, it's no big deal!
I'm 90 kilos. I've always had heavy bones!
Don't get cocky, at your age I jumped from much higher.
Sure, sure...
Run!
- We need a hospital. - No, it's too dangerous.
No! Dad!
Oooh, it's scrummy! Finger licking good!
- I want a drumstick. - So do I!
- Smart ass! - I want a drumstick too!
- It's my farewell. - Then say goodbye to the drumstick.
Say goodbye to your teeth.
Cut it out! There's chicken for everyone!
Let's see if we can eat like a normal family for once!
Who the hell is that?
Want some? For your farewell.
I'll get it. You idiot!
You two are the limit!
- Adolfo... - Hi.
It's not my blood, it's my dad's.
He got shot, he's dying. You have to help us.
Not this crap to get attention again?
No, look at him.
My God! We have to get him to hospital!
Keep your voice down! We can't!
We can't? I'm calling an ambulance!
Shut up and listen!
They tried to kill us, they're after us.
Katia, whatcha doin'?!
Nothing, Mom, it's Adolfo.
Tell him to come in, we got loads of chicken!
But he gets the breast!
This is going to be hard to believe, but my father...
is a secret agent.
Please.
Whatcha doin'?! You comin' in or not?!
No, Mom, we're going to my room...
- to talk! - "Talk", she says.
They're gonna have sex.
Here, in your house, the day of her farewell.
And before dessert.
You're jealous because he's not here to see you.
Get over this complex about your sister.
You're 33 years old.
Maybe because you dressed me in her clothes until I was 11.
You gotta use that 2-for-1 discount. Now eat up!
This is crazy. He needs anesthetics and surgery.
Take it easy. Apply pressure.
Adolfo!
Don't relapse. Naturally you're all gooey 'cause she's leaving,
but be strong.
She gives great blowjobs and does that finger thing, but hold out.
You told my brother what we do in bed?
We're shut in for hours, things come up.
- But I make you sound amazing. - Really?
That's it, you're doing it. You had a relapse!
Martin, get in here, we need you!
Hey, I don't know, we're brother and sister.
I've fantasized about it,
- but this is heavy stuff. - Get in here!
Jesus! What have you done?
Grab his legs!
Don't say a word!
I never say anything.
Who insisted on a liberal education,
talking about sex at home and the liberal media? Who?
A good thrashing is what they needed!
So the farm, the sausage, and that hick look
was all a front?
- So it seems. - So your whole life
was a lie?
- Basically, yes. - You're dad's awesome!
What are you doing?
They could be tracing it.
What if an agent wants to help us?
Exactly. Who went after Jason Bourne?
- Agents. - And in "Mission Impossible"?
- I haven't seen it. - She's got no clue.
This always happens:
they brand you a traitor and set a trap.
We have to prove your dad's innocence.
We can't prove anything. They're all dead.
Everyone except your dad. They'll think he's the killer.
This is textbook stuff.
- Dad. - Where are we?
If it gets infected you're going to a hospital.
I know, it's not the first time.
- Can I have a puff? - I didn't know you smoked.
Because we don't know each other very well, do we?
No.
How could you deceive him like that?
What else could I do? I just wanted to protect him.
I don't know how to be a father,
hugs and all that. Being a secret agent is my game.
If you hadn't been so secret, Adolfo might not be so boring.
And you wouldn't have had to dump him.
It's a shame.
You're obviously a family of whiners.
I'm surrounded by incompetents!
I ask you for one thing, and you fail!
If you want something done, you have to do it yourself.
The Allen key. Alright then...
Why didn't you buy it prefabricated?
Really? With what money?
Where's my loot?
Who'd have thought that one goddamn stamp
would cost 1000 euros?!
Besides, it's not that complicated.
Just follow the simple instructions.
Simple, yeah right!
If only this had been around 30 years ago,
I would've save a fortune on decorating evil lairs.
Yes?
Good.
They're at his girlfriend's place. Quick, go get them!
Do we finish, then go get them
or go get them, then finish the cabinet?
This has a way to go...
Where's my father?
I don't know, when I fell asleep he was over there, smoking.
Dad!
- Good morning. - Good morning.
- Dad, how are you? - Much better.
I got up early this morning
and made breakfast to make up for the bother.
- It's delicious. - Have some juice.
Martin, bottoms up.
Did you tell them what happened?
Yes, how awful! Before, they just mugged you,
now they use razors, and on an old man...
The world's become a very dangerous place.
- Good, that's it. - That's what?
The sodium Pentothal I put in your drinks must be working.
- You poisoned us? - No, just drugged.
You gave us truth serum.
What about our talk last night?
Very nice, Katia,
but not enough to trust you. Now I can.
Dad, they're friends. You're out of control.
Well, well...
What? I don't get it.
Stop drinking it! It's got truth serum in it!
Do you or have you belonged to any association?
I joined the Readers Club,
but only because the girl who came to sell it
was a looker.
Oh, very nice!
Katia, when you started going out with my son, did you really like him
or was there an ulterior motive?
That's personal! Don't tell him.
At first it was to stick it to my brother.
I knew it, she's the jealous one!
- See, Mom? - I do.
- Then I began to really like him. - It's no time for couple therapy.
I've got some questions. Do you still love me?
Of course I love you, but...
I want to be your girl, not your mother.
I'd have loved you to come with me, to travel together,
- do tons of things... - Sure, sure.
For you to be a man, like your dad.
Whoah!
Whoah, nothing. I'll change, I promise.
- There you go again. - It's true, I took the serum.
- I can't lie. See? - Your juice has no serum.
You're always a big help. Thanks.
I wasn't going to drug my son, and it's no time for couple therapy,
we're kind of busy here. Martin...
Anything to hide?
Well... there is one thing.
Two years ago I ran over an old lady with my Vespa
and rode off.
It was no big deal because she was old and...
didn't have long to live,
but not a day goes by that I don't think she died 'cause of me.
My son...
Don't worry, son. That lady didn't die then.
- How do you know? - Because I killed her.
She wanted to report you.
She was going to destroy our family and I couldn't allow it.
So I went to her house
to talk her out of it.
We argued, one thing led to another, and...
she fell out of the window.
- How awful! - Since then...
I haven't been the same.
Yes, drink up.
Actually, she arrived at the hospital alive.
When she described her assailant,
I knew it was you and...
I knew what I had to do.
A slightly higher dose of morphine and...
The male nurse was accused of negligence,
but I did it for our family.
- Dad. - My girl.
- Dad. - And you complain about my secrets.
- I see what you mean. - And you, Mom?
For two years I've been passing information to Vázquez.
- What? - He said if I saw Anacleto,
to tell him.
So I did. They're coming here, probably about now.
But Mom...
He contacted me from prison and the pay's great.
Really? How is that possible?
It's better than being second-rate murderers.
It took you three times to kill the old lady.
- They're here. - What do we do?
Kick it higher, man! You're such a klutz!
Just as well!
- Where are they? - They took the window.
They said to stall you and say they called the cops
and the building's surrounded, but it's not true.
They're desperate and almost out of bullets.
You took so long! Pour me a little, honey.
Hurry up!
I'll deal with these bums! Get to the rendezvous!
- Where is it? - North Station, 2 pm.
You didn't tell me that. Dad, you're hit!
- And kind of old. - Go!
Okay, okay!
Damn!
- Damn it! - Sorry.
Come here.
There!
- Go, Katia. - What are you going to do?
Finish these guys off... and get driving lessons.
- Move it. - Yes.
I'm ready.
Excuse me, those are mine.
- I'll take them all. - Thanks a lot.
- Everyone at the same time? - Yeah.
At the same time then.
All this karate bullshit...
Loser!
Martin!
- Where's Adolfo? - I don't know.
I lost them, they're really fast.
I never win with my sister, she always beats me!
I hope they've gone to the station.
Oh yeah, the rendezvous.
Well, well, well...
It was rough, but you got it in the end.
I'm very proud of you, boys.
And now, at last,
the revenge I've planned for 30 years.
- Who the hell are these people? - I'm the evil Vázquez,
and these are my two henchmen.
I'm hurt that you don't know me.
I know who you are, Vázquez, and what you've done.
You want to hurt me, then kill me
to get at my dad, your arch-enemy, but he won't care
because we've had a cold and distant relationship.
When he wasn't secret-agenting, he was devoted to sausages.
He ignored me, but he loved Sapristi,
that stupid dog, but now you've killed it,
your revenge is complete.
If you want to go home and take it easy, we'll cope with it.
And you're Anacleto's son. I expected, I don't know,
more grit, more courage...
That was so pathetic, Adolfo.
I'm almost angry that I planned all this for such a coward.
It's not cowardice, I'm just being helpful.
- Where's Anacleto? - I don't know.
Are you going to make me yank out your tongue with pliers
- when I'm dressed in white? - No, Adolfo, don't tell him.
That's easy for you to say, they're not going to torture you.
You'd sell out your dad the first chance you get?
No, but let's be frank, I'll probably crack under torture.
I'm thinking about avoiding excruciating pain.
- It saves us work. - Unbelievable!
Anything that's a bit hard, you don't do it,
anything that means facing up...
We're getting off track here.
One thing is leaving me because of a driver's license,
- but enduring torture... - It's not the license,
it's everything!
- Where's your boyfriend's dad? - "Ex", she left me yesterday.
- Don't play the victim now. - He's going to torture me.
You're using torture to wriggle out of this.
- I'm not wriggling, I'm tied up! - Lucky you, eh?
Enough!
- My eye! - What did you do?!
What's in my eye? Adolfo, get it out!
- Christ! - Get it out!
Jeez, what a drama queen.
- You blinded her in one eye! - Blind?
Oh, my God!
Now I have your attention, two things:
One, I don't go around hugging people in the street.
That's why they don't call me the Charming Vázquez,
they call me the Evil Vázquez,
because I'm a real son of a bitch.
- Sure, that makes sense. - And two:
I obviously want to know where your father is.
Tell me or I'll pull out her other eye.
Yes, he's at the rendezvous. North Station, 2 pm.
Good, because I have a surprise for all of you.
Of course, the rendezvous is the station.
We keep a low profile, mingle,
security controls aren't as strict,
and we access the whole European rail network. Brilliant.
Yeah, sure. This way.
The legendary locker with guns, passports
and currency from every country.
Actually, it's a change of clothes.
A change of clothes?
We're here so that you can get changed?
We're here because of emergency protocol,
but I'm just getting changed on the way.
Really? Is there one for me?
It's been ages since I wore anything so soft.
The more you stretch, the less you iron.
A euro. One euro, please. Just one euro.
Gimeno, relax. He's with us.
Anacleto!
I haven't seen you since the Cairo mission.
- How are you? - Fine.
Great characterization, I'd never guess you were an agent.
I've spent years perfecting the character.
I actually earn more today than I did at the GP.
Boss! I gave you up for dead.
- It was a close shave. - It was a massacre.
- Who's he? - A friend of my son.
We were meant to meet here, but he hasn't showed up.
Relax, your son's fine, I have him in a safe place.
Gimeno, we have to make enquiries.
- It's not possible that... - Hold it!
- Nobody move. - Anacleto, drop the gun.
He's been in cahoots with Vázquez from the start.
That's how they knew the route of the convoy...
and located the farm, Katia's place and my son's work.
Sure, he's the typical traitor, I said it all along.
Gimeno, it was Anacleto, he set Vázquez free.
How else did he escape from the desert?
We've been cards partners all our lives.
He puts on the same face when he's bluffing big.
- He's lying. - Why would I do that?
You saw what happened, he wiped out the GP.
- Vázquez is unpredictable. - I've lost all my agents!
You've lost control, Boss.
Don't be stupid, it's two against one.
- You haven't got a chance. - How about a deal?
Tell me all you know about Vázquez and I'll kill him.
What kind of a deal is that?
A fair one.
Shit!
How did you know I wouldn't...?
I didn't know if you'd pull the trigger, but I knew it wouldn't fire.
How? Oh, the hug!
- Son of a... - Why, Boss?
- After all these years... - I just wanted to save the GP.
They wanted to retire us. The world's overtaken us,
we're obsolete.
We needed a threat that only we could solve.
With Vázquez on the street, the GP would be indispensable again.
And you trusted the bad guy. As a plan it's kind of shit.
- Shit on you! - Hey, I came to help.
Where's Vázquez?
- Where has he got my son? - I don't know.
I don't know. I'd tell you if I knew.
He's telling the truth.
Gimeno, take him away.
Relax, I'll take care of him.
I screwed up, Anacleto.
That's Vázquez's doing? Get him, like the old days!
Nothing's like the old days now.
Wow!
A Beretta! Like Bruce Willis in "Die Hard".
Yipee ky yay, motherfucker!
- Get back! - Adolfo!
- Go away! I'll explode! - Adolfo!
Dad, they put a bomb on me!
- Hold it, hold it. - Okay.
- Hold it! - Yeah, yeah.
Excuse me, are you Anacleto, Secret Agent?
Yes.
This is for you.
- Vázquez. - Bingo!
- What have you done to my son? - Me? Nothing.
You're going to do it. Yes, that's a bomb.
Liquid plutonium and Goma-2.
Goddamn son of a bitch!
If you try to separate them or deactivate it, it explodes.
If you try to undo the vest, it explodes.
And after one hour, it explodes.
There's only one way to stop it from wiping out a 500 meter radius.
- By killing Adolfo. - Exactly.
The device is synchronized with his heart.
If it stops, the bomb deactivates.
A souvenir from my last visit to the GP.
Relax, it'll all be fine.
I'd love to stay to see you pull the trigger.
Unfortunately, I'm almost at the airport. You decide:
come for me or spend your last moments with your son.
In any case, always remember me.
Vázquez...
Vázquez!
I'm sorry, this was beyond me.
It's my fault your one-eyed. They'll put a patch on you,
kids will call you "pirate", they'll cancel your driver's license.
Adolfo, shut up. Never mind all that now.
We're going to explode.
I'm sorry, it's impossible. I've never seen anything like it.
- The only way it won't explode... - I know.
- Will these walls contain an explosion? - We've evacuated the area.
Everybody out.
- Where are you going? - She's my sister!
He's my best friend! I should be there!
You can't give up.
Don't take it out, save it for later.
You're going to shoot me, huh?
Maybe it's better, at least it'll save Katia.
You can get your flight to India. Damn it!
I'm 30, I haven't had time to do anything.
All day on the sofa, no trips, no wild stuff...
- Now you think of that? - Travel is overrated.
Well, you were never home.
All your life out saving the world, you forgot about me.
Since I'm going to die, I'll get it off my chest:
Secret agents don't have kids. James Bond didn't,
or Jason Bourne. There must be a reason, didn't you think of that?
- Actually, no. - You should've.
It just happened, we didn't plan anything.
Then, suddenly, there you were, fiddling with my bow tie.
Very touching, Dad. But in the last two days
I've been beaten, shot,
my girl had an eye plucked out and she'll lose her license.
Now I have a bomb on my heart.
Bloody great! Forgive me if I'm not moved.
Maybe you secret agents are super-brave
and don't fear anything.
Right now I'm crapping myself.
I know what fear is, only too well.
As an agent I've done things that would scare anyone.
- And you know what? - What?
Do you know the day I was most afraid?
Go on...
Not when I was shot in the gut or when your mother died.
It was when you ate those peanuts.
I remember it as if it were yesterday.
You'd turned four and your teeth were separated,
You blew up like a balloon, you couldn't breathe.
I didn't know you were allergic.
That fear...
that you wouldn't make it to the hospital alive was the worst,
until today.
Damn, that was beautiful.
- What's wrong? - You're leaving already?
I don't want you to blow up, but stay a bit longer, eh?
I'll be right back. Relax.
- Where's he going? - Help!
I need help!
Where were you? There are 4 minutes left!
We give you a cardiac arrest so the bomb deactivates.
Eat the peanuts, the allergy will do the rest.
When they take off the bomb, I'll inject the antihistamine.
- It makes sense, right, Katia? - Yes.
I don't know, it's not my speciality.
You forgot the part where my heart stops and I die.
Don't worry, Adolfo, I can give you a heart massage.
What are you talking about? Katia, you work in a hospital!
Don't I need a defibrillator or something? - Yeah. Yeah.
No no... I don't know... Do we have another option?
You'll have to trust me.
What the hell!
- Dad, if I die... If I die... - Adolfo.
Relax.
Oh, God!
What? What's wrong?
Maybe, you shouldn't have eaten the whole bag.
I'm sorry, it's too late. It's too late, now.
You can't do a damn thing about it, now!
- Sorry, son. - Damn it.
Oh God, don't let them bury me with this ugly mug!
You are not going to die, Adolfo. I won't let you.
I don't care.
Cremate me, that's my last wish, Dad.
Adolfo.
That's it, it's stopped.
Katia, go!
No no, I'm not going. I'm staying to help.
Now, comes the hard part.
Mouth.
Come on, son. Don't do this to me.
Again!
Breathe, damn it! Breathe!
Come on, come on!
Breathe!
- Adolfo! - Come on!
Dad, that's enough, stop!
Adolfo, my son...
I think, you almost broke my rib.
You're not getting out of driving school.
You are not thinking of putting him down, again? He was about to die.
What kind of insensitive person acts like that?
This isn't over. Vázquez is still on the loose.
Yeah, he may be evil, but I just don't get it.
He sets all this up and doesn't want to watch the end?
So, did you want him to stick around and watch it with us?
I know, he's still in the building. I'll get him.
Wait, wait. Where are you going?
I can't let him go alone.
He's old and he's hurt.
He's my dad. He needs me.
Be very careful. Please.
So, what is all this? No hug for me?
- Wait, wait, Dad, it's me! It's me! - What are you doing here?
What do you think I was doing down here?
Came down to steal a car or something?
What else? You're hurt, I came to help you.
Okay.
I'm ready for them.
Then, let's go.
I'm so ready.
Okay, don't dwell on it.
This little guy was a real mean son of a gun.
Look out.
The Butcher is back.
- Okay, now, what do we do? - I don't know.
You know what? If we don't make a run for...
it, that Butcher is going to gun us down.
We need to get our hands on a getaway car.
The keys are right there.
No.
You got a better idea?
No, I'll go, Adolfo.
I won't let anything else happen to you. Just cover me, okay?
This one?
- Get in. - Dad, you can't drive like that.
But, you don't know how to drive. How will you?
- Just let me. - No. No. No, no, no, no! No!
No!
You're going to show me.
Step on the left pedal, put it in first gear and lift it slowly.
- I'm suddenly not so sure anymore. - You've done amazing things, Adolfo.
You've fought men, shot guns, jumped off a building.
You survived a bomb, put up with me all your life.
You're ready for this. Hit the clutch and put it in first.
What are you going? The other way!
What do I do?
Reverse! Punch it! Go straight at him!
Do it fast, now.
Not bad for a first lesson.
Next time, we'll do angled parking.
Damn it!
It's Vázquez! Get out!
Looks bad, doesn't it?
Who this?
But, don't worry, I know you're going to make it, okay?
I got to tell everyone my dad's the best secret agent there is.
I sure is hell won't be a secret, then.
Alright, I won't say anything.
I'm sorry...
for all the lies.
- It doesn't matter anymore. - Yes, it does.
I just wanted to protect you from all this.
That's why, I pretended to be a sausage maker.
It's okay Dad, I always liked the sausages.
Especially the cured pork.
Your mother's were better than mine.
I would've liked to have known about Mom before too.
When she died, I couldn't handle it.
That's why I was hard on you...
insulting you, laughing at you.
All this to make you stronger.
I didn't pick up on that.
And look at you now.
I really don't want to die now, Adolfo.
Gee, Dad...
I'm so proud of you.
I'm sorry...
if I ever failed you, son.
Anacleto never fails.
Die, you son of a bitch..
The old trail of blood trick.
- Your father would be ashamed. - Don't you talk about my dad.
Don't you dare talk about him!
He was a worthy opponent and you're a joke.
Children are a disappointment...
that's why I never had any.
Nor will you.
Son of a bitch!
Goodbye, Vázquez.
"You're no longer with us, dear friend..."
But, we'll always remember you for those little things...
you used to do:
go to the train station, put on clean white shirts...
cards, and when you used to put drugs in our juice...
Martin, you only knew him 1 day.
Okay, but he never deceived me.
What I really liked was that he was always straight up.
Rest in peace at last, Dad.
In secret, just the way you lived.
Oh man, what a guy!
Katia, I think we got to talk.
Whenever you want.
- Right now, in the car. - Sure.
Can you give me a lift?
All of this has opened my eyes, I got to make that leap, now.
Do you know, what I did today? You'll freak.
I signed up for driving lessons.
And I'm coming to India with you. Or wherever.
You want to travel?
We're going to travel together.
Okay? You always wanted to do this, isn't it?
How about skydiving? We can do that too.
We'll have all kinds of adventures! I'm a new man now, you know!
- I don't recognize myself. - Adolfo, sorry, but...
I don't know, I realized I was totally wrong.
- About what? - About everything.
All this fighting...
I got kidnapped, tied to a bomb, my eye's screwed...
and I'm still...
I'm still trying to get my head around my mother being a snitch.
Yeah.
In the end, I've realized that I'm not really happy here.
What I need is...
I need peace and quiet and rest.
Okay. So, we're not going to India? You were looking forward to it.
Yeah not now, and I feel terrible.
I postponed it, I mean I need some time at home.
Okay. What about us?
There is no "us", Adolfo.
Now, I need a normal boyfriend, no nasty surprises.
Just quiet dinners on Saturday on the sofa...
you know, a blanket, a DVD and...
I see that now, it's impossible with you.
I'm sorry.
I hope, you're finally convinced that she's not a good person.
So what, do we do, now?
The objective is a 100 yards away.
15 armed guards protecting the Emir.
Hold your position right there, helicopter in 20 minutes.
Let's get this party started.
I repeat, hold your position. Back-up arrives in 20 minutes.
Agent confirm message received.
Confirm, please. Can you hear me? Can you hear me?
Are you there?
Hello? Hello? Are you there? I'm not receiving any confirmation.
- Code name? - Anacleto.
Anacleto?
I got a deal for you.
Guys, I don't think he can hear me.
He's not receiving any of my indications.
Please, stop what you're doing and come fix this.
I need you all here, right now.
There's no net, no signal. It's saturated.
I don't know what's going on.
Can you stop downloading all that crap, please? Do it at home!
Don't you guys have WiFi?
The life of a hero is at stake!
You guys get to work. He's in the goddamn...
Middle East! And he could die any moment!
There are jackals there!
Hey, buddy, buddy...