[bell tolls]
[brassy detective music]
- Hit it. - ♪ Hey-oh, yah, hah ♪
- ♪ Oh, hey-oh ♪ - Yeah.
- ♪ Hey-oh ♪ - ♪ Yeah, oh-hey-oh ♪
[brassy detective music]
[camera shutter clicks]
Cute and cuddly, boys.
[dramatic orchestral music]
Oh, looks like somebody generated
an electro-plasmonic energy orb.
Boo-yah!
- [explosion] - [grunts surprisedly]
Rico, no weapons testing indoors.
Wasn't me.
It's Kowalski, Skipper.
He's been in his lab all night.
Kowalski.
Everything under control, Skipper.
You don't understand.
I haven't had a scientific breakthrough in weeks.
What about your shrink ray?
Pfft! Small potatoes.
- Useless! - Oh, I don't know.
We could whip us up a batch of teeny-tiny French fries.
No, there's a ground-breaking discovery somewhere in my brain
just waiting to burst forth.
If you need me, I'll be on the cutting edge of science!
[electrical zapping]
[whooshing]
Ah.
[zapping and groaning]
Ah!
Huh?
[slippery slurping]
[gasps]
Uh.
Eureka!
[grunting wildly]
No!
Kowalski.
Look, if you're tired of sushi, just say so.
Don't be hacked up. Don't be hacked up.
[sighs]
Thank the maker...
which in this case is me.
Whoa.
[blob groans]
What is it?
And why is it in our chow?
Gentlemen, this gelatinous mass
was brought to life by yours truly.
Really? What's it do?
Not sure.
But isn't it just a little bucket of adorable?
Ow.
All right, Jiggles does not like fish.
Jiggles?
Oy, that's my juice.
[Jiggles slurping]
Ooh, Jiggles does like fruit.
I don't know, Kowalski.
Naming your scientific abomination
is just asking for trouble.
[grunts]
Hi.
[grunts]
[Jiggles sniffs]
[blending sound]
[chomping sounds]
[burps]
They grow so exponentially.
Ready for my blendy order, Maurice?
What'll it be, Your Majesty?
Ha-ha. I'm feeling in a tropical mood today.
Make it a mango...
Mango!
Eh, guava...
Guava!
- Coconut, kiwi, breadfruit... - Cocoa, wee-wee...
Tamarind, yuzu, loquat, fruit of the loba,
giant lala, beliza genip, bilimbi,
puna-puna, genamoya, peanut butter fruit,
cura-cura, lovi, noni, malagadumba, macombo,
molobo, prickly pear, ugli fruit,
and a hellus rambutan.
And, uh, toss in an energy boost.
All of this smoothie ordering is exhausting.
[Jiggles sniffs]
[burps]
Jiggles, don't you ever scare me like that again.
Back to the lab, you little gelatinous jokester!
[groans]
To the lab!
The lab!
Eh...
Kowalski?
Should we be concerned?
About what, Skipper?
Oh, I don't know.
Let's start with your monster.
[Jiggles growls]
"Monster" is a bit judgmental, isn't it?
I call 'em as I see 'em.
Just because Jiggles has no nervous system
doesn't mean he has no feelings!
He's a big blob of mad science, man.
Hoy-yah!
[clatters]
Well, if he wasn't before, this scientist is mad now.
Come on, Jiggles.
They don't understand you like I do.
[Jiggles grunts]
[grunting]
- [door slams] - Ew.
Jiggles, now that you are, you know, alive,
I think if you are going to, well, live here, you need to--
[gasps]
[Jiggles groans]
Hey.
[loud slamming]
Skipper, someone's at the hole.
At this hour?
Rico, prepare a New York welcome.
[grunts wildly]
Somebody boosted our fruit
and the trail of green goop leads over to here, over here.
Right.
Look, I love a mystery, great ape,
but I think what you've lost is your, uh, mind.
Naw, I lost my bananas.
This is not how it looks.
[straining]
Hey, what are the other birdies doin' over there?
Classified.
What about my bananas?
Rico.
[all straining]
[zipping sounds]
[chuckles nervously]
Uh, bananas indeed, right?
[chuckles]
[loud slamming]
Get it out of your system, Jiggles.
[sighs] See?
It's all good in the--
[slams]
Good golly wally!
Jiggles!
He's gone berserk.
Working on it.
So what have we learned here, Kowalski?
- We? - You.
What have you learned?
Is this really the time to point flippers, Skipper?
[groaning and screaming]
The Jelly Man sucked up my mango.
All right, I've got a plan.
Rico procures one bottle of sunscreen,
pineapple coconut scented.
The faux fruity odor will attract the hungry Jiggles
like a bee to pollen.
And then we spring a ridiculously elaborate trap.
One question, Kowalski.
After we capture your monstrosity,
what do we do with it?
Oh, well, I...
I suppose we return him to my lab,
where he will live a life of hidden shame,
safe from the small-minded maniacs
who can't or just won't understand him.
Good. Make it happen.
Oh. More tropicality.
I love this coconapple cologne.
Julien, no.
[spray can hissing]
What, too much?
[Jiggles groaning]
[whimpering]
Help!
What? He'll spit him out.
Talk about your fruitless efforts, eh?
We've got to get Julien out.
Right, give me ringtail extraction options--stat!
Skipper, don't you see?
Julien was a Jiggles hater.
You know what happens to Jiggles haters?
[whistles]
This is what happens when you hate on my monster.
Ah, you admit you made a monster.
Well, the good kind of monster.
My kind!
You've got to snap out of this, Kowalski.
Oh. Oh, I see.
You're all haters now.
Well, see you later, science haters.
[grunts wildly]
He called us haters.
[sniffs] That makes me sad, Skipper.
[Jiggles grunting]
True genius is never appreciated in its time.
No, not by little birdies with tiny little bird brains.
Sweet, oozing Jiggles,
you are the only life form who understands me.
[groaning and grunting]
Hey!
We--we had an understanding.
Oh, now it's a problem, heh?
How could I have been so blind?
What have I done?
I'll tell you what you have done:
gone nutso.
There must be some way I--
that's it.
[gags]
Eh, really nutso.
[gags] Jiggles hates fish.
I had fish for lunch.
[gags]
Ah, no use.
I just can't upchuck like Rico.
[grunts]
Reach in.
There?
Oh, oh, gross.
Do you want to be digested?
Oh, okay, okay.
Eh.
[grunting]
This is the second most disgusting thing I've ever done.
Eh.
Ah, look, I did--
[Jiggles groans]
Ah!
So...
that happened.
I will not talk of this if you don't.
[Jiggles groaning]
[Jiggles growls]
The truth is clear now.
Jiggles is a mindless monster on a ravenous rampage.
Best of luck.
[slamming]
I don't need luck.
I need my friends.
Present and accounted for.
As long as you take back that "hater" remark.
I believe this is where I ask for options.
I'll need to get some gear from my lab.
Can you keep the creature contained?
Can do.
[crashing]
What's in the case?
Science created this problem.
Science will solve it.
[straining]
[Jiggles groans]
[electrical zapping]
[shouting and groaning]
That had to be tough, Kowalski.
Oh.
There was no other way.
You know, science is a wonderful thing.
It gives us toasters and televisions
and artificial flavors.
[grunts]
But mad science,
that just ends with dicey super weapons
and freakish creatures and artificial flavors.
I guess I'm just not the mad scientist type.
You're more of a--
a glad scientist. [giggles]
I am glad...
glad I used my shrink ray.
[chuckles]
Now, this time I want you to be a good goo guy.
Who's my goo guy?
Who's my goo-guy?
Goo-goo-goo-goo-goo goo guy.
[lilting orchestral music]
[upbeat music]
Flags raised, check.
Gates unlocked, check.
Lemurs doing whatever that is,
check.
Three, two, one,
showtime.
Hmm.
The zoo, by all accounts, is open.
Then where are the happy tourists?
Kowalski, analysis.
Kowalski?
Men, we have a developing situation topside.
[laughter]
Men?
Rico's found a new channel.
It's positively brilliant.
It's called the Dumb Animal Channel.
This is no time for TV.
We have a situ--whoa.
Those animals are dumb.
You're watching D.A.C.,
Dumb Animal Channel.
24-7.
Ha-ha!
Eh-heh, eh...
Oh...
Eh...
Ah...
Hey, guys. Guys, got to come quick.
There's a rumor going around that the zoo is closing.
Permanently.
[laugh track on TV]
Doesn't that otter on TV look just like Marlene?
Eh...
Uh-huh...
Nah.
Marlene has a giant misshapen...
[grunts] Marlene, how did you get in here?
Listen. Listen.
The zoo is going to be closed
forever.
Zoo.
Clos-ed.
Forever.
[grunts]
Right, we're on it.
Anything yet?
We are negative
for intel on this rumored zoo shutdown.
[door closes]
[footsteps]
Not one visitor.
Why would people schlep to the zoo
when they could see the dumb animals on TV?
Yep, we're shipping 'em out.
All over the world.
San Diego, Beijing, and...
Hoboken.
[all shudder]
Unfortunately, no.
The committee voted. Yes.
Exactly, I couldn't have said it better myself.
I'm not sure.
I know. I know.
I know!
Oh, that I didn't know.
Hmm?
Here's what we know.
Without ticket-buying human visitors,
this zoo is kaput.
According to this top secret dossier,
they're shipping us out... tomorrow!
- Shipped away? - Tomorrow?
Calm down.
We've got a plan to get the humans back to the zoo.
Kowalski.
Operation Catch and Release.
We set traps for the humans all over the city.
Once the traps are filled with people,
we bring them back and release them here inside the zoo.
Presto. We have visitors.
Good old brute force.
Um, Kowalski, that's plan "B."
plan "A" is--
Right. Operation Dumb Down.
We show the humans that zoo animals are just as dumb as
or maybe even dumber than the animals on TV.
Yes, we certainly have dumber animals here,
like that one over there.
Idiot-o.
Yes, I'm talking about you.
See, he didn't get it. He didn't even get that.
How do you get people to come back?
Oh, we haven't gotten that far yet.
Phil and I recently liberated this from lost-and-found.
Video.
I like where your head is at, simian.
Simple blackmail job.
Actually, I was thinking we could make
a television commercial to show off the zoo.
Yeah, okay, then what?
What, are we gonna climb a giant ladder to space,
you know, and then use a satellite
to broadcast the commercial over every TV in New York?
Marlene, that's brilliant.
You may have a future in science.
Oh, don't be so-- do you think?
Sure, with that type of out-of-the-box thinking.
Now, why didn't I think of that?
Skipper, would you please?
Thanks.
Now let's get this plan in motion.
Well, turns out they don't make giant space ladders.
Skipper? Ooh.
So instead we'll build this:
a satellite override remote control unit.
It will require a telescope, cell phone, wires,
a satellite dish, egg timer, flashlight, plunger,
and a treadmill.
[gags]
And we still need the telescope, cell phone,
satellite dish, and treadmill.
[dry heaves]
Nope.
Here, let me try.
Oh. [farting and laughing]
Oh, mort, oh, that burns my nose.
Time frame is tight.
The boys and I will secure the missing parts
while the rest of you film the commercial.
For the most effective commercial,
we'll showcase each animal,
an exciting expose proving the zoo is worth visiting.
Whoa. Hey, hey, hey.
Who put you in charge?
Not me.
And I'm king, okay?
I say.
Ha-ha. You found me.
I will be the director guy.
Julien, I really think we should work together on the--
King... director.
- Yes, but I-- - Cut!
That's "director" for "shut up."
Yeah, I saw that on D.A.C. last night.
Did you catch the one where that old lady
is smacking around that lion.
It's hilarious.
[cell phone beeps]
Cell phone secured.
[tires screeching]
[crashing]
My car!
Ready, set, and...
kangaroo.
Okay, start hopping.
Hop a little higher.
You've got no ups, buddy.
No, no, no, like this. Like this.
What are you on about?
Cut, cut, cut.
You are a kangaroo.
So be a kangaroo.
Do the bouncing and the hopping
and all the other ridiculous things you do.
Careful, mate.
That tone will get you a wallop.
Stop, stop.
Move out of the way.
Just film me, Maurice.
[camera beeping]
Yes.
[exhales] Here we go.
Good day, matey.
I'm a kangaroo.
I'm hopping around like I do.
[groans]
Joey don't like cheap imitations.
Can we get another take? I wasn't rolling.
Hey, what's that unexpectedly cute penguin doing
in Central Park?
Telescope secured.
Okay, Mort,
show him how it's done.
Oh, um, this looks a little dangerous.
Hooray for danger.
Hey, we're burning daylight, elephant.
Let's go.
You're up here too?
[groans] Stop the camera.
We go again.
And please do not be so heavy the next time.
Sorry.
Yow!
Steady.
Yow!
Go, go, go!
[electrical zapping]
[cranking]
[tires squeal]
[all exclaims]
[gags]
That certainly was a close one.
Dish secured. [grunts]
And a-one and a two-lien and a--
[rhythmic conga music]
Don't be afraid to use your hips,
more like this.
♪ Oonga oonga ♪
♪ Oonga ♪
♪ Baby likes to rumba ♪
Okay, from the top.
Cut. That's a wrap, ringtail.
They start hauling us away in t-minus one hour.
We need this commercial to air pronto.
This is no commercial, sir.
It is art.
I'll just plug the camera into the treadmill and--
Where did you guys get a treadmill?
[groaning]
That's, uh, classified.
Okay, the treadmill powers the satellite,
while the cell phone creates a disruptive signal
that is sent through--
Through the telescope, right?
And voila, the commercial is on every TV in New York,
Marlene, you certainly got this science thing down quickly.
A little too quickly, hmm?
Let's keep an eye on Marlene.
Uh, heh, hello. I'm right here.
Very clever, Marlene.
Better make that both eyes.
Roy, if you would do the power-up honors?
No problem.
[mechanical whirring]
[sonic zapping]
Status report.
Working like a charm.
The commercial will broadcast on a loop
over every TV in a 45-mile radius.
What? Only 45 miles?
Faster, run faster.
Share my masterpiece with the whole world.
[grunting]
No, ringtail.
You're going to overload the...
[shivering] So cold.
[sonic zapping]
[explodes]
Whoa!
[cries of agony]
What?
Huh?
What? It wasn't me.
It was Mort's-- eh, where's Mort?
I mean, Maurice's fault.
See?
Heh, so obvious.
- [angry grunting] - No commercial.
No people?
[sniffs] No zoo.
Yeah, way to go, Maurice.
Looks like you've really done it this time.
Gentlemen, say your good-byes.
Just can't risk our secrets falling into the wrong hands.
It's so hard to say...
[robotic voice] Good-bye.
[cries]
You've shown us many wonders,
trusty periscope.
[gasps] What's that?
Uh-oh. Alice alert.
We're not going down without a fight.
Rico.
[gags]
Wait. She's not coming for us.
She's-- she's walking to the gate.
Look.
The flags are raised.
We're not closing.
We're opening?
Kowalski, analysis.
It appears we have visitors once again.
I see that. But how?
We destroyed TVs all over New York.
Commercial never played.
Maybe destroying the satellite disrupted
a secret government mind control program,
freeing the public to visit the zoo.
Or maybe without TV and the Dumb Animal Channel,
the humans don't have animal entertainment at home.
They need us again.
Let's not think it to death, Private.
Let's just make it extra adorable today.
[whistling]
[screaming]
[brassy detective music]