[exciting music]
♪ ♪
[gags]
♪ Hit it! ♪
[upbeat hip-hop music]
♪ Hey-oh, ha, ha ♪
♪ Whoa, hey-oh, feel that ♪
♪ Hey-oh, hey ♪
♪ Uh, uh, hey-oh ♪
[exciting music]
♪ ♪
Cute and cuddly, boys.
[ominous music]
♪ ♪
[birds chirping]
[snoring]
[sniffing]
- G-g-g... - Wha--?
G-g-g... g-g-g...
What the--? Your majesty?
Gold!
Ah, Maurice, look!
I have been visited by the gold fairy.
The gold fairy?
The winged pixie
who leaves the shiny yellow while you sleep.
I got the yellow visit too!
But my present melted.
[upbeat music]
♪ ♪
[snoring]
♪ ♪
It's not just us, Skipper.
They showed up everywhere last night.
Kowalski, shiny rectangle analysis.
Best guess,
targeting marks for a space laser superweapon.
Zap! Pting-ting-ting-ting!
- Bo-ding, yow! - Space laser countermeasures!
Rico, bend that death mirror away from the HQ.
Perhaps a skosh towards the you-know-who habitat.
[puffing]
[humming melody]
[laughs wickedly]
Uh, guys, what are you doing?
Clear the line of fire, Marlene.
Unless you want a piping hot breakfast
- of golden laser cakes. - Golden laser--?
No, guys, those are adopt-a-critter signs.
Adopt-a-critter?
Well, now you're just making up words.
No, no, they did this back at my old aquarium.
Rich people give money to the zoo,
and they get to put their names up on the habitats.
So it's indentured servitude, eh?
Well played, zoo overlords.
Wait, what? It's inden--
Hmm, yes. Disturbing indeed.
Explain your ominous tone, primate.
It seems over 70% of the zoo's habitats
have been adopted by the Vesuvius family.
[wind howls] [thunder crashes]
[penguins gasp]
The Vesuvius twins.
Poster punks for park place pre-pubescent pandemonium.
[squawks] [thuds]
No rules. No limits.
No sense of decency.
[giggles] I'm a camouflage.
[ominous music]
[screams]
I'm lactose intolerant!
I shudder to contemplate
what that mad duo is scheming now.
♪ ♪
I believe you'll find our proposal quite fair.
Crayon? I don't read crayon.
Give me the short version.
Being that our family just adopted
over 70% of this zoo,
my colleague and I believe we should be allowed
to take selected animals home with us.
- To play. - Right.
I got a rhino to hose down, kiddies,
so why don't you--
[together] Lawyer team, activate!
[dramatic music]
Oh!
♪ ♪
Lawsuit, financial ruin,
I lose my job?
[sighs] Fine.
Two animals. Small ones.
And you pay for my ceiling.
[children laughing]
[grunting]
[birds chirping]
[slurps]
- Huh? - Skipper!
Cage comes down! What now?
- [laughing] - Boys, avenge me!
Avenge me!
- I love you! - No!
- Skipper! - Don't touch my stuff.
Don't touch my stuff!
[laughs]
[screaming]
[continues screaming]
Seriously, I cannot believe they make a TV that big.
Focus, ringtail. Vesuviuses can smell weakness.
Just stay strong and never let them take your dignity.
Please. I am a king.
I eat dignity for brunch.
Right between a healthy breakfast of awesome
and a lunch-sized portion of...
[growls]
[together] Gladiators.
- Today you fight for honor. - [spits]
- For glory! - I don't think so.
And for the right to grab
Sergeant Saturn's intergalactic zap band!
[squeals] Ooh, sparkly!
♪ ♪
both: Fight, fight, fight!
No dice, psychopaths.
You may have claimed our bodies,
but the spirit of freedom cannot--
I win!
Give me the shiny arm bangle.
Give me, give me!
So what's the rescue plan?
The clan Vesuvius live
in the poshest penthouse in Manhattan.
Security is state of the art,
but I believe I have found an entry point
for us right here.
I am coming, King Julien! Oh!
This entry point is too itty-bitty.
Come on. Who's the good boy?
Who's gonna get the shiny toy?
Ooh, I hope it is me.
No, ringtail. Remember, dignity.
Hold onto it.
Dignity don't sparkle in the sunshine, buddy.
Whoa, whoa, whoa! Oof, oof, oof!
- Oof, oof! - [laughs]
- Agh, yah, yah! - Huh, uh!
[muffled screaming]
Hey, suck it up, lazy booty.
You got to be in it to win it.
Whoa, yeah! Go!
Violence is my favorite.
[device beeps]
There's our entry point.
It should be an easy shot straight across--
I am coming, King Julien!
[screams]
[loud crash]
With the grappling gun.
[gags]
Ew.
[eating loudly]
[sniffs] Ugh!
Mm!
You are a spineless slab of pushover jelly.
[gulps]
[gags]
- He ate it. - He totally ate it.
[both giggle]
Oh, so...
[belches] Shiny.
Trouble choking down
your own pride, ringtail?
Well, let that be a less--
- [retches] - Ew.
Skipper-- [retches]
Oh!
We just made a squirrel thing throw up on a penguin.
Huh?
Warning. Unauthorized entry.
[alarm blares]
Press panic button for lockdown.
They must be, like, homing penguins or something.
They're coming right to us!
Whew, now, okay, I think I'm okay now.
- [retches] - Ugh!
Oh, when did I have kettle corn?
- [gags] - Skipper?
Don't ask.
And don't come any closer. It's a trap.
Rico, I'm gonna need bolt cutters,
six yards of binder twine, and a--
I am coming, King Julien!
[screams]
- Huh? - Huh?
- Whoa! - Why did we even bring him?
Ladies and gentlemen,
welcome to the Vesuvius Brothers Circus
of pain!
A registered trademark of Vesuvius Enterprises.
Don't even think about copycatting.
- We have lawyers. - It's go time.
[animals screaming and groaning]
Behold, the Perpetual Trapeze.
Ow! Ow! Hey!
The Bowl of Bowling.
[grunting and groaning]
The Sickmaker.
I am not a licensed pilot!
And the Doomed Damsel.
[screams] Look out!
- Ow. - Sorry.
Uh-oh, uh-oh, uh-oh.
- Ow! - Sorry.
Do not worry, everyone!
King Julien will save us!
- [upbeat dance music] - ♪ Mm, uh ♪
♪ We're dancing in the big top ♪
♪ Mm, uh ♪
♪ Booty loves the circus, yeah ♪
Oh, you have got to be kidding me.
Ow!
Hmm... ugh!
Ringtail, I've got an exit strategy,
but I'm gonna need your Sergeant Saturn zap band.
What?
I earned the zappity band fairly and squarely
by hitting you in the back when you were not looking.
Listen, you self-centered, sparkle-crazed--
oof!
Sorry!
Forget it, Skipper. Ow!
I came here to rescue a king--ugh!
Not some kid's fancy little pet--ow!
How dare you speak such lyings?
Not about the fancy. That is obviously true.
But this king is pet to no man.
Oh, yeah? Ow!
Tell it to that diaper leash you're wearing--ow!
Pfft! Wha--oh, what, this?
Okay, firstly, the diaper?
That is purely for the...
personal comfort.
And the shiny gold chain, for your information--
[grunts]
Hey, the squirrel thing stopped dancing.
Do it!
Uh, yes, I do love the dancing, but--
ugh!
He said dance, monkey.
Oof! Oof!
Okay, that is really annoying,
and as your king, I must order you to--
Dance, monkey, dance!
- Monkey, dance. - Monkey, dance.
- My dignity has been stolen!
Maurice, for once you are
a little bit right about something.
Oh, really? Ugh!
Nobody turns the king into a little fur toy.
You can take your diaper and eat it.
And you can take your rhinestone glasses too!
- Hey, oh! - Oh, and this belt?
Yeah, this one?
I actually like it, so I'm going to keep it.
But you can take your zap band!
Oof! Hmm.
Ha! Mm, hyah!
- [screaming] - [grunts]
Ow!
[screaming] [alarm blares]
Bull's-eye.
Panic button lockdown initiate.
- Huh? - Yeah!
[exciting music]
Yahoo!
♪ ♪
[punches and grunts]
Welcome back to the circus.
Under new management.
[laughs]
- Huh? - [squeals]
- Huh?
Well, ringtail, you finally got your dignity back.
Yes, and now I will be taking theirs.
[playful music]
♪ ♪
[kids screaming and crying]
- Mommy! - Lawyers!
[upbeat electronic music]
♪ ♪
I know I say this kind of thing a lot,
but this time, I really, really mean it.
Behold my greatest invention ever.
- The Nanites! - Um, I'm trying.
- Where are they? - [sighs]
Poor, scientifically illiterate Private.
It takes a microscope to view Nanites
in all their miniscule glory.
[nanites beeping]
- Awaiting command. - Oh, they're so cute.
If by "cute" you mean
"able to animate any mechanical object,"
then, yes, as a teeny button.
[electronic whoosh]
Oh!
Mopping floor.
Oh, it's sparkly! It's so sparkly.
Nope, don't trust it.
[nanites beeping]
Not too light. Not too dark.
Ooh! Oh.
Nope, still don't trust it.
[nanites beeping]
Coffee, fishly brewed.
Sorry, Kowalski,
but I don't trust anything I can't see and/or punch.
Skipper, my nanites will save us
tons of drudgery,
which will free us for more creative pursuits.
Oh, yeah! [gags]
[heavy metal music]
Ooh, very nice.
Like that.
The Nanites do seem like
they're one of your more helpful creations.
Exactly. They're a Kowalski creation.
And that means they're destined to go horribly wrong.
Impossible this time, Skipper.
I have programmed the nanites to never allow
any harm to come to a penguin.
Rico, stick me.
Okay. [gags]
Penguin in danger! Mobilize!
[screams]
See?
There's no way the nanites can go wrong.
[slurps]
Say, that's good Joe.
Well, maybe there is something to your ninnyites.
[sighs] At moments like these,
in the scientific community, the technical jargon is...
- told you! - I can't stand it anymore!
- [roars] - Why?
You've messed with me for the last time.
So it finally happened.
Who had today as the day Maurice snapped?
Rico.
Ah, yeah, give up fish, baby. Wow!
Wait, the only crime here
is my banana berry smoothie
should be inside my royal tummy,
not outside stickying up my majestic midsection.
Hmm... [gags]
It's this stupid, old, junky blender.
So am I a smoothie now?
Maurice, my nanites can upgrade your blender
and make your workload 95.6% less grueling.
I don't fully understand what you're flapping about,
but I'm 95.6% sure I like it anyway.
Begin blender repair.
[rattling and whirring]
Blender repair complete. Commence smoothie operations.
[slurps]
Sweet.
[slurps] Oh!
My feelings on this matter can only be defined
by dance! Hit it.
[upbeat funk music]
♪ ♪
And mine will be defined by leaving.
[fly buzzing]
Come back here, you little flirt.
[fly buzzing]
We're destined to be together, you and me.
[fly buzzing]
Playing hard to get, eh? I like that.
[fly buzzing]
I suppose you think this is funny.
[fly laughs]
[cheerful music]
Uh-oh.
Help!
[electronic chattering]
Wait a minute. Where's my lunacorn?
Oh, thank you.
How's that?
Ooh-la-la. I am hot.
Guys, Barry the frog's tongue
is caught in the cotton candy machine.
It's winding up, and it's gonna get real ugly real soon.
Wow, never in the history of language
have those words been put together in that order.
All that cotton candy is in danger.
- Yeah, and Barry too. - Eh, never a fan.
Still, this mission is gonna be dangerous.
[vacuum stops whirring]
Right. Barry is a poison dart frog.
His touch is devastatingly toxic.
We should work out a meticulous strategy
with an emphasis on caution and safety.
Or we could just wing it like we always do.
I mean, what is danger, right?
Pfft, yeah, it's just anger
hiding behind a plosive consonant.
[chuckles]
Little obscure, even for you, Kowalski.
All right, fine. Let's just go.
[exciting music]
Danger. Danger?
Initiate penguin protection protocols.
[electronic whooshing]
[whooshing continues]
Huh? Hey, come back!
Bye-bye, blender!
I will always remember you as a friend.
Assimilating new ordinance.
[electronic whooshing]
Penguins must be saved.
[grunting]
This hurts worse than it looks.
Everyone relax. We're here.
The cotton candy will soon be safe.
Hm? Oh, yeah.
And Barry, too. Kowalski, cut the power.
- Rico, frog-proof me. - [gags]
- Private, look concerned. - On it, Skipper.
Easy, toxic amphibian.
Slow and steady, and nobody gets hurt.
- I'm suffering. - I meant me.
[horn beeping]
Penguins must be removed from danger.
Hey, whoa! This is uncomfortable.
Penguins must be removed from danger.
It's the nanites following the protective protocol.
[screams]
- Whoa! - Ah!
[tires squeal]
Wait! Where are you going?
Tell them to stand down.
Verbal override. Good idea.
I should've done that. Didn't, but should've.
Ugh.
♪ ♪
[tires screech]
Ow. Bleh.
[gags]
Oh!
You guys are great. I could hug you all.
all: no!
Amphibian threat neutralized.
Okay, like, I was just kidding with the hug thing.
Can you guys let me out now?
Hello?
Who smells science gone wrong?
Anybody? You, tall guy.
[sighs] Yeah, okay.
Maybe just a whiff.
[nanite beeping]
This should do it.
Overriding safety protocols denied.
Nice try.
[loud rumbling]
[drilling and hammering]
What's all that about?
Lincoln's itchy beard! We're being sealed in.
Containment complete.
Containment? As in trapped?
- What? - This cannot stand.
What if Hans strikes? Or Blowhole?
Or the new guy in the reptile house?
You know, that guy with the twitchy eye
and the blue tongue? You've all seen him, right?
He's trouble, right?
Kowalski, front and center!
Prepare to receive a disciplinary fish-slapping.
Ready and deserving, Skipper.
Oh. Hyah, hyah!
Huh? Hmm.
The safety protocols. No harm to a penguin.
- Which I am. - Right.
Prepare for punitive cuddles and hugs.
Ugh!
Get off! I just wanna hug him.
With my fists! [grumbles]
I can fix this. Give me an hour.
What are we supposed to do now?
Talk amongst yourselves. Try to make it interesting.
[blender whirring]
- Mm, they are yummy smoothies. - Uh-huh.
[grumbles angrily]
Eat plunger, nanites!
Retreat, retreat!
Cold smoked kielbasa, Kowalski.
You did it!
It was a simple matter of creating
a localized electromagnetic pulse gen--
Habba, habba, habba, flap your beak all you want.
I'm going nanite hunting. [grunts]
[gags]
[explosion]
Hey, nanites,
come grab a hot, steaming serving of--
What the what?
Nanite protocol engaged.
Protect penguins.
- Oh, a whole bunch of heck. - Yep.
Ah!
Scatter! Get the weapon!
[beeping]
- [screams] - Rico's toast!
Mmm!
[beeping]
I've been winkied!
- [laughs] - [beeps]
[dings]
[screams]
Fourth penguin missing.
Scanning.
Gotcha.
Penguin smug levels rising.
Oh, nuts.
Ow.
[electronic gurgling]
Emergency! Emergency!
Penguin injured!
We have violated our own safety protocols.
Terminal shutdown required.
Ow again.
Okay, what just happened?
Victims of their own programming.
They self-terminated.
Ew.
So that's the end of the nanites.
I believe so.
So there's nothing protecting us penguins
- from danger. - It would seem that way.
Kowalski, gonna have to test that theory
by fish-slapping you into next week!
- [screams] - Get back here!
- Take it like a penguin! - Not in the brain!