And now, Dreamworks' "The Penguins of Madagascar."
[bell tolls]
[brassy detective music]
♪ ♪
Hit it! ♪ Hey-oh, yah, hah ♪
- ♪ Oh, hey-oh ♪ - Yeah.
- ♪ Hey-oh ♪ - ♪ Yeah, oh-hey-oh ♪
[brassy detective music]
♪ ♪
[camera clicking]
Cute and cuddly, boys.
[jaunty orchestral music]
♪ ♪
Skipper's log: The skeptics were wrong.
You can build a thermonuclear sardine tin.
You just can't control it.
78 seconds to spontaneous detonation, Skipper.
[whimpering]
- What the-- - [grunts]
[brakes screech]
Oh. Ho ho ho...
Ooh, there's a new Princess Miss Perky line. Fancy!
86 the dolly dress up daydreams.
That can's about to fire up like Zeus' barbecue.
- Now punch it! - Okay.
Where is he taking us?
Dolly! Dolly!
I would say the nearest toy store
stocked with Princess Miss Perky merchandise.
[device beeping]
I would also say...[screams]
we're all going to die in a fiery sardine explosion!
Commandeer that steering wheel.
[babbling, smacking]
[tires squealing]
Yah! You dolly-crazed maniac!
If this can goes, we all go with it!
I don't care.
- Aah! - [grunting]
Please, Rico. I know what it's like to want
the latest accessories for your plastic friend.
But if you look in your heart--
[retches]
[dial tone]
If you'd like to make a call,
please hang up and try again.
[grunts]
♪ Dolly, dolly ♪
[device beeping]
Oh!
[boom]
Soldier, I've always seen your devil-may-care psychosis
as a good thing.
Heh heh, yes, Rico.
But today, fueled by a deadly dose of dolly desire,
you put the entire unit at risk.
Um, question.
Why are we still, you know, alive, then?
Well, that's Kowalski science for you.
The invention that's supposed to level a 5-mile radius
is the only one that doesn't.
Rico, it is the judgment of this court martial
that you be placed on probation.
Marble jar probation.
Uh, what?
Every time you demonstrate good behavior,
a marble goes in the jar.
Ding-a-ding-a-ding.
Every time you behave badly, a marble comes out.
Honk-honk.
Fill the whole jar, and you'll earn the ultimate reward.
Skipper, tell him what he's won!
The complete Princess Miss Perky accessory line.
Even the sparkly party pumps.
- Ooh! - What?
Because Rico's been bad,
he gets a reward for just not being bad?
That's America, baby.
[scoffs incoherently]
Insubordination, eh? Well, buh-bye, marble.
But--oh, uh--oh.
I'll be good.
Yeah, marble back!
[screams]
[laughs]
Oh.
Sorry.
So then Princess Selfrespectra
tells Prince Sharesalot,
"No matter how small, always give your all."
You know, things really are more true when they rhyme.
[grunts] Oh!
Ah!
[whimpers] Ah!
Halfway full already? Ding-a-ding-a-ding.
Hey, that's an excellent marble progress, soldier.
- Thank you. - And such good manners.
Ah, thank you.
And you're very welcome for that.
Uh, th-th-th-thank you.
Ooh! With a flourish.
Stop milking it.
♪ Princess, Princess Miss Perky ♪
♪ So many shiny new things you should buy ♪
♪ Your regular Miss Perky looks like garbage now ♪
[commercial continues]
[sputtering]
Dolly tantrum incoming!
♪ La la la la la ♪
♪ She's a princess ♪
♪ Princess ♪
Hello, neighbors. I was just dropping by
to borrow a cup of money to--oh!
♪ A princess, a princess ♪
Cut the commercial, Private! Don't let him see anymore.
Hold on-a wait a minute.
That dolly lady...
is really...
a princess?
[grunting] Ringtail! Get out of here.
Not very neighborly!
No luck on the cup o' money?
King Julien is always lucky!
Maybe it is invisible money.
Hooray! I'm sneaky rich.
Something is fishy down there.
- Is it a fish? - Yes.
But something is also strange down there.
We must learn more of this Perky Princess lady.
Well, your gratuity is accepted.
No, no, it is a bribe.
I thought we were clear on this point.
[sighs] Yes.
Proceed with the internet search, Phil.
Keywords: Princess, miss, and Perky.
Not long ago,
in the fabulous land of Glamourtonia,
Princess Miss Perky
stepped out of Glitterpink Castle.
Why would she ever leave Glamourtonia?
It looks so pink and pretty and plastic.
No, Mort. This princess did not leave Glamourtonia.
She was taken by-- drama music ready.
The penguins!
♪ Dum-da-da-dum ♪
Why, penguins?
Clearly, they abducted her to get the royal ransom.
You stopped making sense about an hour back, man.
Oh, or does it doesn't make so much sense
it hurts your face!
If we rescue this Perky Princess
and return her to Glamourtonia,
I will be rewarded her hand in marriage
and half the kingdom.
You know, as they do.
Oh, if you were a double-king,
would you grow double the feet?
I'm just asking, for reasons.
Maurice, fetch my noble questing pants,
with the stripes.
Outstanding post-rage cleanup, compadre.
Sure you can't take a break
for our Tuesday night card game?
Nah. [blabbering]
You guys go ahead.
That one's for stick-to-it-iveness.
All right, Marlene, you're in.
Oh, yeah.
Hmm...
Ho ho ho! Back, scoundrel!
We come to rescue yon princess lady.
You know, the one over yon.
What?
Hey, [blabbering] we got lemurs!
Stomp the wombat, Bangladeshi rules,
ninth degree punishments.
That's hilarious.
I understood zero parts of that.
Then I hope you have a high pain tolerance.
Uh, I guess it's about average, for, you know--
a dainty gal like--what?
[muffled blabbering]
Now keep it down out there, soldier.
Don't make me take away a marble
for card game interference.
[suspenseful music]
- [grunts] - Oh!
Fire-belching dragon!
That better not be flame throwing I hear.
Marbles, Rico.
Oh.
Forsooth! What-ho! Ye old fighty talk.
Pineapple chain, go!
[screams]
I got her, Your Majesty.
Then flee, like the mighty cowards we are!
[sputters]
Aaaahhhh!
Agh! Rico, what is going on out--
[blabbering]
He's gone marble-rogue. Pursue and restrain.
Whoa!
[blabbering]
There! The Glitterpink castle, we are almost--
huh?
Oh, uh--Carlotta?
Hello. This is not at all awkward.
Uh, you know what?
I kinda got the business.
I'ma call you later. Okay? 'Kay.
[whispers] I'm never gonna call her later.
Defend the castle, my loyal replaceables!
I must negotiate with the local constabulary.
Okay, her hand in marriage and half the kingdom.
This is my final offer.
I see you're also a shrewd bargainer.
So what's the castle defense system?
We got any boiling oil or something to pour on him?
Oh, I found some glitter!
Happy birthday, invader!
[blabbering]
No, no. I get it. Times is hard.
Tell you what, keep her hand
and I will take fifty-meleven percent of the kingdom, huh?
[banging]
You got to give to get, man!
[screaming, blabbering]
[screams]
Home court, stop the hammer with your face.
Now that's just disturbing.
Ow, ow, ow!
Here you go.
See? That's how you negotiate.
Oh. Uh--
It's all right, amigo.
We saw the whole thing.
Your use of violence was entirely justified.
And delightfully entertaining.
Sorry, old friend, but rules are still rules.
No reward until that jar is full of marbles.
[grunts]
Everyone good with a technicality?
- Okay. - Sure.
Woo-hoo!
Okay, we got the hand and half a kingdom.
That's some good questing, everybody.
Self-inflicted back pats.
[heroic music]
♪ ♪
This is Chuck Charles with a special report.
Atlantic anchovies are swarming the coast.
Find out where, next.
Fish, fish, fish!
But first, breaking news.
No, no, no, no. Go back to the anchovies.
I'm being told local legend Chuck Charles has been let go
and replaced with rival anchor Pete Peters.
I--let go?
Doesn't that mean--
Pete Peters here. Tonight's top story:
heave-ho for a has-been.
[gasps] They fired Chuck Charles?
As long as Scooter Alvarez
is still in the driver's seat on sports, I'm good.
But, Skipper, Chuck has always been there for us,
giving us the big news we can use.
- We've got to-- - Do nothing!
If you're thinking of dragging us
into a pity mission, denied, mister.
Besides, he'll land another gig in no time.
The elephant got into some dairy.
You know what to do.
This is Chuck Charles live
from the scene of misery and sorrow
that is now my life.
See? He's Alice's assistant.
Boom! New job.
Oh!
Here comes the gouda.
Yeah, a really...[gags] ugly new job.
When we say more bananas, we mean more bananas.
This is Chuck Charles, swinging out of control.
This is Chuck Charles.
I'm trying to get a chameleon off of my face.
Blah!
Chuck Charles being dragged away.
Agh!
The anthropoid lemur is a dramatic and regal creature,
as seen here in his noble tragedy pose.
Handsome conqueror pose, wise thinker pose,
surprise tickle on right buttock pose.
Check it, Maurice.
This guy knows all the kingly poses.
Is like a--"me-nouncer."
If you'll notice, the small round lemur
is clearly the brains of the group.
The other imbecilic lemur appears helpless without him.
Word.
Small and round?
He called me small and round.
Mort, defend the royal booty image.
Also--
Ha ha ha! I'm a surprise moustache.
Oh, are you certain we shouldn't help Chuck
get his old job back?
No, he's fine.
Not, get your cute on, it's game time.
Here we are, live at the penguin habitat,
where cute and cuddly antics abound.
Of course, this is likely just a cover
for their clandestine activities.
[all gasp]
- What? - We've been made!
Memory wipe.
This is Chuck Charles,
and I don't remember why I'm standing here.
We've got us a mole, boys.
I want you to tear this place apart
until we root out the rodent spy.
No, Skipper. It appears Chuck's reporter's eye
sees everything...
in extreme detail.
And he can't help but blab about it to the world.
- But that means-- - As long as he's at the zoo,
our covert operations
are at risk of being not so covert.
Then we have one option.
Help the sap get his job back.
Frankly, someone should've suggested it already.
Mm!
What? Something on my beak?
Perhaps, if we can create a juicy story
for him to discover,
the news station will re-hire him.
Men, commence operation zoo news.
[hums news theme music]
♪ Zoo news ♪
Chuck Charles job retrieval, step 1.
Bait the hook.
Oh!
[kissing noises]
Sweet, sweet sound stick.
Have you missed papa? Of course you have.
[clearing throat]
This is Chuck Charles
with the day's late breaking update.
Step 2. Deploy buzzworthy story:
"littering scandal in zoo."
Target sighted.
Launch trash barrage.
Um, Kowalski. Is it supposed to--
Save yourselves!
[screams]
Now, all I need is a story.
Plan "B."
Cute animals wearing cute hats
while doing, of course, cute things.
I'm a restricted driver.
Whee!
[crash]
The car accidented on me.
A story. Any story will do.
If all else fails, we go big.
Breaking news story.
Rampaging rhino on the run.
Mm?
Mm!
Hot-hot-hot-hot-hot! Hot-hot-hot!
This is Chuck Charles, with an exclusive story.
A tremor has broken out in the zoo, most likely from--
I'm on the air!
Well, I'm out of ideas.
What's this?
Sloppy scrawls and scribbles?
They seem to delineate "options."
[sniffing]
And they smell of mackerel loving salty sea fowl.
Hurry up, boys, I want all of our files
secured to C.D., A.S.A.P.
But how does this help Chuck get his job back?
[chuckles] It doesn't.
The man's a waste case wash-out.
Until he's gone, we need to be extra careful
with our top secrets.
Wow! [nervous laugh]
They'll be easier to guard in one location.
C.D. complete, Skipper.
Excellente, Kowalski.
Now what we have to do is blow up your hard drives.
Yes, of course--huh? What?
- [screaming] - My precious--
[muttering]
There, there, Kowalski. It'll be--
Destroyer of beauty!
[screaming]
Stand down, please.
Come on, Kowalski.
Aren't you overreacting a bit?
Yeah. How do we know they didn't blow up on their own?
I mean, you invented them, right?
Yaaahhhh!
Secret commando penguins in the Central Park Zoo?
This is the scoop to get me back on the air.
Hey! That's ours!
I am the ninja!
[gasps] Now we're the new story.
We have to catch him.
[suspenseful music]
[suspenseful music continues]
Chuck Charles!
He's no doubt headed for here,
the broadcast studio.
If he gets to those news cameras, it's game over.
Men, I need anti-break-in options. Now!
I'm sorry about the computers.
I mean, good job, Kowalski. [giggles]
[muttering] Breaking and entering news
live in the lobby.
Now, onward to--
[evil laugh]
Atta, Rico. Show him the mayhem.
Perilous booby trap blockades?
Pfft! I faced worse as a cub correspondent
for Wake up, Walla, Walla.
To the news!
Why, I oughta--
oh, big bat.
Newsman on the move. Private, wake the guards!
Are you sure about this, Skipper?
Go-do-it-now- and-don't-argue!
[whimpers]
- [screaming] - Private? Private?
- [screams] - [barking]
[yelling continues, dog barking]
Not so fast, anchor jockey.
Get a whiff of this story.
Ha ha.
I really need a new label system.
Call me nunchaku Charles. He-yah!
[fighting sounds]
[woozily mutters] Plank...
Victory! With this footage, my career will rise
to even greater heights than before.
Sweet!
[grunts] Oh, crud biscuits.
[panicked noises] Power!
Pete Peters, the most trusted anchor in local news,
with an exclusive story you won't believe.
Everyone will be talking about this
around the water cooler tomorrow.
See for yourselves in three, two...
one--
roll the video!
No!
[laughs] It's the penguins,
the penguins!
I told you, fools, they were real!
[cell phone ringing] Mama, turn on the TV.
Your baby boy isn't crazy.
Gentlemen, through all these trials and tribulations,
guts and glory, it has been my honor to serve with...
some of you.
But it's over. We've been exposed.
[laughs]
Those are the most fake penguin puppets I've ever seen.
[laughing]
[laughs]
Oh, that's the most fake news story I've ever seen.
[sobbing] Why, mama?
This just in.
The world is laughing at a fake news story
aired by anchorman Pete Peters.
Sources say his career is--
What a wackadoo story that was. [laughs]
But don't worry, Chuck Charles is back on the big news beat.
No one believes we're real?
It would appear they think the footage
is some sort of gimmicky news forgery.
Well, how about that? This whole time,
the perfect cover story was no cover story.
This next report is dedicated
to a special feathered foursome.
Atlantic anchovies--
where they are and how you can locate them.