[classical music playing]
Stolas.
Stella.
[slurps]
-Cunt. -Witch.
[groans]
Fuckish imp sucker!
Why did you insist on meeting me here?
Ahem!
We wanted to properly discuss the terms of this divorce.
I feel my darling sister deserves
a bit more compensation.
After all, you did cheat on the poor thing.
Surely you owe...
Andrealphus, cheating implies there was a betrayal.
This woman never gave two shits about me or our very much arranged marriage.
As far as I'm concerned, this divorce is far overdue.
[suspenseful music playing]
Up yours.
Stella, for fuck's sakes, stop making this harder to bullshit.
[glass shatters]
[sinister music playing]
[chuckling]
[gunshot]
-[grunting] -Hyah!
Oh, dear, this is worrisome.
[phone ringing]
Oh, shit.
Stolas.
It's really not a good time, buddy.
[Stolas] I'm sorry it's a bad time yet again, Blitzy, but, um...
I seem to have found myself in a bit of a sitch.
I'm tied on the back of a horse at the moment.
[scoffs] Lucky bitch.
Um, well, no, rather unlucky.
I seem to have been stolen by that little cowboy friend of yours.
Oh, which one?
How many cowboys do you know?
What does he look like, Your Highness?
[western music playing]
Mm, sexy?
That's Striker, sir.
Oh, for fuck's sake, can't you just get away?
Aren't you powerful?
I believe he has me bound with blessed rope,
which limits my ability to free myself, I'm afraid.
So I think
you should come save me.
Ah, shit, Stolas, I can't today, all right?
I'm sorry, I-I'm literally on my way to take Loona
in for her very important Hellbies
S-H-O-T.
And it takes years to book an appointment at this place.
Took five for me to get this one, so, you know.
And-and she's been doing a lot of field work, so, you know, she needs it.
Oh, ha ha, well, I do agree that is very important, but I--
Would you shut up already?
I can hear you, by the way.
Don't worry about your lanky birdy.
He's in good hands.
[Striker laughs]
Oh, shit.
Am I in danger right now?
Goddamn it.
[tires screeching]
Sir, let me and Moxxie handle this one.
Okay, are you two sure that you've got this alone?
We can do it, sir. Together, we are a lethal combo.
And we both have a score to settle with that dickhead.
[sighs] All right, well, hurry.
Stolas sounds like he might be in real shit this time.
And knowing that guys' aesthetic, my money's that he's in Wrath.
Now get your asses down there and look for some cowboy crap or something.
Come on, Loony, come on, this'll be over lickety-split, all right?
[grunts] Christ on a stick.
Of all the days for him to get his stupid feathered ass kidnapped.
I have waited five fucking years for this appointment.
Fuck me in my little red hole!
Hi. The fuck you looking at?
Heya, toots, I'm here for that, uh,
S-H-O-T for my Loony Toony.
[laughs]
-The what? -[groans] The B-U-L-L-shit
that my daughter has to get every year that you
M-O-T-H-E-R-fuckers
only allow us to schedule every five years.
How the fuck you fuck up that bad anyway, Titty Haver?
Oh, I can't spell.
I can't read, either.
The Hellbies shot, you fucking
re...ally can't say that word anymore.
The appointment is under Blitzo.
Um...
I don't see any "Blitz" on the list.
With an "O." It's silent,
-you fucking-- -Oh, an "O."
Right here, yep, yep.
Blitz-o.
-Blitz-o... -[growls]
Yes, well, we will be ready for her in just a bit.
Please take a seat, Mr. O.
Perf.
[Loona whimpering]
Oh, don't worry, Loony.
It's okay, it's just one little prick, you won't feel it.
Ew, don't say that, it sounds vulgar.
-Excuse me? -Pervert.
[♪ "The Ballad of Striker"]
♪ He's galloping over the dusty plains ♪
♪ Even the cacti know his name ♪
♪ If you don't want to die, don't cross his path ♪
♪ The best assassin in the ring of Wrath ♪
♪ He's Striker, he's Striker ♪
♪ Sure shootin', darn tootin', his name is Striker ♪
♪ Gonna bring that bird back to his lair ♪
♪ with his magic rope and his western flair ♪
♪ He's very good at causing pain ♪
♪ and he loves to ride on the choo-choo ♪
♪ Dirty dealin' ♪
-♪ Prince stealin' ♪ -♪ He's a villain ♪
♪ Striker ♪
♪ He's fast and strong and tall and mean ♪
♪ The foulest imp you've ever seen ♪
♪ He'd break your bones to hear 'em crunch ♪
♪ He likes to eat pâté for lunch ♪
-♪ He's Strik-- ♪ -♪ Striker ♪
[vocalizing]
♪ He's Striker, he's Striker...
Shut the fuck up!
I'm trying to do my fucking job!
You coming in here singing about me for the millionth fucking time!
Leave me the hell alone, you freaks!
How does one get their own theme song?
So... yeah.
-Nice weather we're having, huh? -Look, Mommy!
They let fire toads in here.
The fuck did you just call me?
It's not polite to call them that to their face, honey.
Wait until we're in the car.
You got a problem with me, cunt?
[gasps] There is a child present, you filthy Wrathian.
Oh, I am not from Wrath, bitch.
Also, my kid's here, too.
And I don't think she would appreciate you calling her father...
things.
Is there any way we can reschedule for a time
when less of the unemployed rabble are out?
Oh, please, I bet the hardest work
you've ever done is convincing your husband that little shit's his.
Oh, yeah, and what do you do that's so important?
Me? Oh, I kill people.
How does a two-for-one special sound, whore?
Mr. O, the doc
will see your hound now.
[Loona whimpering]
[Moxxie] Crumbs.
I'll grab the gas, Millie.
Go and see if anyone's seen Striker anywhere.
[engines rumbling]
[biker] Hey, queer boy.
You stealing my hat?
-What? -Same hat.
Oh, sorry, my wife just put this hat on my head.
You know, 'cause it was hot outside.
Same hat.
[sighs] So we're doing this, huh?
[Millie] Howdy, boys.
Y'all seen this motherfucker riding around here?
-♪ He's galloping-- ♪ -No! No, no singing.
Just a yes or no, please.
Yeah, he lives out by the bad man lands,
in the old train tunnel, near the mine shafts.
Very outlaw aesthetic.
You can't miss it.
[grunting]
[Moxxie] Yeah.
Thank you kindly.
Come on, Moxx, we got a lead.
[Moxxie] Yeehaw!
[suspenseful music playing]
[blade sharpening]
[Stolas] So, my wife paid you for this, hmm?
Wouldn't a holy bullet have sufficed?
Or could you not afford those?
I was paid to give you the real royal treatment.
Your wife must really hate you.
[laughs]
You have no idea.
So... train tracks, really?
Seems a bit cliché,
-doesn't it? -It's a classic.
Is the giant statue of yourself also a classic or…?
[hisses]
Heh, are you seriously judging me right now?
I'm just impressed you seem to want to suck your own dick this badly.
Look, not every ring is
some fancy-ass city with some fancy-ass mansion
that only fancy-ass royals get to live in.
Some of us have hard lives to live.
And some of us have everything we care about
taken away by fuckers like you.
I have no-- Aah!
[shouts]
[Striker] You don't get to talk over me.
I don't have to listen to your bullshit.
-[yells] -All you royals every do
is try to talk over us.
Don't bother trying your little eye trick on me.
Those ropes ain't gonna let you do anything.
Got something to say about that,
-Your Highness? -[grunting]
Well, you seem to be forgetting
you are working for a royal
right now!
[bones breaking]
Blitzo handles me rougher than that in bed.
Nice try.
Blitzy's knife is bigger.
And hits so much deeper.
[Striker] Being a smartass, hmm?
'Cause once I split your neck open
and let you choke on your own blue blood,
you won't be worth any more
than the tombstone you'll be buried under.
Blitzy says far dirtier things to me with much sharper objects at my throat.
[Striker snarls]
[deep breath]
Welcome, Bingo.
And this must be Tuna.
Loona, yeah, and you can hurry up, please.
She isn't a fan of shots, so let's try and make this quick, for all of our sakes.
Oh, come now, it can't be that bad.
I see hellhounds every day.
And there hasn't been one that has caused any issue.
[growling]
Yep, right there, told you, dipshit.
[Andrealphus] So, earlier...
that assassin...
was that you?
Mm, guilty.
Yes, it was.
You silly minx, you.
[laughs]
Though, you know,
if your husband dies,
it won't turn out well for you.
He'll be dead.
Why wouldn't it?
Because, my dear sister,
you've already produced an heir.
When he dies, his duties, his possessions,
his legions,
it will all pass to...
Via.
So, if you kill him,
you would... hmm?
Laugh? [laughs]
No, you stupid cow!
You'd get nothing.
[sighs] You're so lucky you're attractive.
[groans] Well, what do you propose we do?
He won't leave me anything willingly.
He hates me almost as much as I hate him.
Hmm, well, this kind of situation
is extremely unique.
A Goetia has never behaved like this before...
But with him alive, we have options, opportunities...
Eternity is a long time, my dear.
I say we bide our time,
and wait for the chance to gain the upper hand.
Oh, but I want him dead so badly.
And he will be, in time, my fiery vixen...
But patience first.
Now call off your mangy stray
[groans]
[Striker] Well, this has been fun...
but every good thing has to come to an end.
Shame you won't see your kid again.
Don't you dare breathe a word about my daughter.
Ooh... Finally hit a nerve, huh?
I swear, if you go near her, I will destroy you.
[Striker] Big talk.
But just that.
Any last words, Goetia?
-[chuckling] -Blitzo... will...
That rodeo clown told you he ain't coming.
Nobody is coming.
-[phone rings] -Yello?
[Stella] Change of plans, darling. I need the prick alive.
I'm kinda in the middle of killin' him.
[Stella] Well, stop it.
We need him alive to get some affairs in order.
I will pay you more to spare him and bring him to us.
Ugh...
Yes, ma'am.
[Stella] Glorious.
Well... good news for you, Feathers.
Your royal cunt says she don't want you dead no more.
But she didn't say what condition you had to be in.
I think these reds might be a pretty trophy.
Can't have you seeing me again, can we?
[car horn playing in the distance]
[horn honking]
[dramatic music playing]
[grunting]
-♪ Whatcha thinkin' 'bout now? ♪ -♪ Whatcha thinkin' 'bout now? ♪
♪ Whatcha think is gonna go down back here? ♪
-♪ Whatcha thinkin' 'bout now? ♪ -♪ Whatcha thinkin' 'bout now? ♪
♪ Let me lay it for you right out, real clear, real clear ♪
♪ Let's roll, let's roll ♪
♪ Let's roll ♪
♪ Yeah, yeah, let's roll ♪
♪ Oh, let's roll ♪
-♪ You ain't never should've called ♪ -♪ You ain't never should've ♪♪
♪ Oh, wow, can you tell me whatcha thinkin' about? ♪
♪ Thinkin' about ♪
-[yelps] -♪ Oh, no ♪
-[screaming] -♪ I never want to let you down ♪
♪ Whatcha thinkin' about? ♪
-[growling] -♪ So I got you all in my mind ♪
♪ Whoa ♪
♪ Oh, wow, got my head spinning round and round ♪
-[yells] -♪ Whatcha thinkin' about? ♪
[Blitzo grunts] Ow, sorry!
-[grunting] -♪ ♪
♪ Whatcha thinkin' about? ♪
♪ So I got you all in my mind ♪
♪ Whoa ♪
♪ Oh, wow, got my head spinning round and round ♪
-[growling] -♪ Whatcha thinkin' about? ♪
[shrieks]
[grunts]
♪ Oh, wow, can you tell me whatcha thinkin' about? ♪
♪ Whatcha thinkin' about? ♪
♪ Oh, no, I never want to let you down ♪
♪ Whatcha thinkin' about? ♪♪
[dramatic music playing]
[gasps]
[whimpers]
[exhales, clicks tongue]
[Striker chuckles]
Ah!
[grunting]
[intense music playing]
[growling]
[feral howl]
[groaning]
Oh, I remember how easy
you are to choke the life out of, little one.
[groans]
-Harder... -Hmm?
[grunting]
You cowboy piece of shit!
[yells]
[Striker yells]
[panting]
[Moxxie] Fuck.
Oh, crumbs. We have to get him to a hospital.
[indistinct chatter]
Oh, good. You guys actually managed to--
Ah!
-[camera shutters clicking] -[crowd clamoring]
[gentle music playing]
Uh, sir... are you okay?
Oh, peachy. Yeah, no, today's been wonderful.
What the fuck was that about?
Stolas got hurt bad.
Stolas got what?
[stammers] How?
He can get hurt?
-[somber music playing] -[monitor beeping steadily]
[phone buzzing]
♪ ♪
[neighing]
[whip cracks] ]