[dreamy, lighthearted music playing]
Well, good morning there, Prince Sleeps-a-Lot.
[chuckles] Did you sleep well, big bird?
[yawns] Best I could, I suppose.
Uh...
My, Blitzo... [chuckles]
You sure have a lot of... horses.
Is there a story behind that?
There is.
But it's way too long, and way too traumatic.
Breakfast will be ready in a jiff.
[slow, solemn music playing]
[faucet running]
Blitzo? Um...
-Would you be able to grab some-- -Grab some what?
Never mind. [chuckles]
Okay, so I don't know what you eat,
so I just made a little of everything in hopes that something works for you.
Got some eggs, made 'em special...
[muffled gag]
Oh. Oh, shit. I'm sorry.
Is this... Th-That's like cannibalism for you, isn't it?
No, just rather off-putting.
But it is protein, I suppose.
Uh-huh. So, wh-wha-what do you normally eat?
Well, normally, I dine on a custom diet prepared by my waiting staff.
Full of essential nutrients and freshly prepared rarities
such as roasted vole or... fire koi?
-A fresh kale salad? -Oh, nice.
Anything that I can get that's affordable?
Maybe some… rats?
On it. I'll grab my stompers
and head out to that alley this afternoon.
Mmm, well, that'd be nice.
Rats were always Via's favorite snack.
[gasps] Oh, no. Where's your phone?
[vibrating]
Sorry, sweetie, no talking to that deadbeat.
Andrealphus, look who's finally calling.
Ooh. Took him this long?
That's hilarious.
He thinks he's going to talk to his daughter.
[laughing] Hilarious.
Hilarious. [laughs]
Hilarious.
[laughter]
-[line ringing] -Pick up, pick up, pick up.
Via, dear, please pick up.
Please pick up.
No. No, no, no.
-Shit. -Hey, hey, hey.
Whoa. Look, I'm sure it's gonna be okay.
All right? I-I'm sure she's…
She's just away from the phone right now, okay?
And breathe.
It'll be okay.
[♪ Wesley Preis sings "Day by Day"]
♪ Ooh, you take it day by day ♪
♪ You got everything that you had thought you wanted ♪
♪ But you still feel so blue and you don't know what to do ♪
♪ You're sitting at the end of the rainbow ♪
♪ But the pain grows and you can't help let the strain show ♪
♪ 'Cause what else are you to do? ♪
♪ Keep it calm, life goes on and on and on ♪
♪ Nothing's wrong, nothing's wrong ♪
♪ So why do I still feel this way? ♪
♪ Ooh ♪
-♪ You take it day by day... -[alarm ringing]
Is this how everyone acts when they don't have money?
Nope, this is how I act when I don't have money.
[panting]
[squawks softly]
Hey, Stolas! Merry Sinsmas!
[Stolas yelps]
What the fuck was that for?
Uh, it's Sinsmas.
You know, the day every Hellborn celebrates and acts on their birth sin?
Or any sin, whichever ones they want, honestly.
I cannot say I'm familiar with this holiday.
Really? Wow, rich people don't have any fun, do they?
No, fun is free, but we can afford nice things.
You know what might help that privileged little attitude?
Paperwork! Why don't you come on with me to the office,
and help Loony with... you know, whatever the fuck her job is.
Ugh, you have to spend your holiday at work?
I choose to spend my holiday at work.
See, last year I set my apartment on fire,
so this year we're doing it at the office.
It's insured.
[downtrodden music playing]
[chewing ravenously]
[groans] Son of a...
[Moxxie chuckling]
[grunting] Ow. Millie.
[growls]
Ouch. You're good.
[grunting]
[growling]
Bite you, Millie.
You always make me watch old musicals
when I want to watch Cleaver Hand 6: Ultimate Cleavage.
[both growling]
Well, you snore all the time.
[growls]
I will wreck you.
Not if I do first.
[laughter]
[hissing, growling]
[giggling]
[squeals]
Happy Sinsmas.
Happy Sinsmas, honey!
Listen up, chuckle fucks.
Today, we got Stolas in the office,
so I want each of your red asses on the best behavior possible.
Uh, sir?
You are literally the only one who needs to adhere to that.
And that's detention, Mox.
-Millie, punch him. -[grunts]
Aw.
Good. Happy Sinsmas, Mox.
Now, Loony, Stolas wants to learn how to secretate,
so show him how it's done.
[sighs] It's literally this:
Ring, ring. "Hello? I.M.P.
Yeah, we can kill that asshole. Want to schedule an appointment?
Thursday cool? See you then, dipshit." Click.
It's easy as sin, Blitzo.
Can I go with you guys if he's on the phone today?
-I mean, I-I guess. -Yes!
[Blitzo] See, Stolas?
Finally, something to help you out, something to do.
And I can pay you for it. [chuckles]
You could use a little money coming in, right?
"Money coming in"?
Oh, Lords…
I'm poor now!
[sobbing]
Oh, fuck!
[ringing]
[gasps] Oh, answer it, answer it.
You can do it, Stolas, come on, answer the phone.
[choked up] Hello? I.M.P.
Yes, we can kill your asshole.
Immediately. Just bring it here.
Thank you.
Good day, ma'am.
Uh... Close enough.
Good job, buddy.
You said you could kill someone immediately?
Oh... Yeah. Yes, we sure can.
Good. Because it's Christmas.
It's Sinsmas, lady. Get it right.
I can't stand the idea of my fucking ex-husband
enjoying this sacred holiday with my daughters
when he fucking left me for another man.
Oh, well... [nervous laugh] Th-That sounds like something
that can happen from time to time.
And he probably cheated on me.
-[nervous chuckle] Well, that's... -[screeches]
...not really worth killing someone over, though, right?
I mean, cheating isn't really that big of a deal anymore, is it?
Isn't that what this business does?
He doesn't deserve to live that heinous lifestyle
and poison my daughters with it.
Uh-huh.
Look, I don't think this is a job we want to take on.
Really?
Why not? Maybe he deserves it.
Selfish men like him don't deserve to...
[sobbing] ...to live.
That... No, that's not...
[groans]
All right, fine, we'll do your shitty job,
but you're paying us double, bitch.
[wind blowing softly]
[heartfelt music playing]
[Stella laughing in distance]
He's been trying to call her all fucking month,
and it's hilarious.
[Stella and Andrealphus laughing]
[laughter]
[Stella] Fra-fra-fra-fra-fra- fra-fra-fra-fra-fra...
[laughter]
[playing gentle, quiet notes]
[playing "I Will Be Okay"]
♪ Your boxes packed up on the bed ♪
♪ Your words are in my head ♪
♪ tellin' me it will be okay ♪
♪ you'll remember what you said ♪
♪ Or was it just another lie? ♪
[sighs softly]
♪ ♪
♪ This place that used to be your home ♪
♪ Would you call me on the phone? ♪
♪ Will I hear your voice in the middle of the night ♪
♪ when I turn off the lights? ♪
♪ Or are you just another ghost? ♪
♪ Oh ♪
♪ How could you lie to my face? ♪
♪ And did our time mean nothing to you? ♪
♪ Were you bluffing all along? ♪
♪ That you would be there to see yourself forgiven by me ♪
♪ If you thought that I'd take it ♪
♪ you were wrong ♪
♪ Oh, you were wrong ♪
♪ And when you're gone ♪
♪ I will be okay ♪
♪ though I'll never be the same ♪
♪ And I'll know ♪
♪ that I was right to doubt you ♪
♪ I'll grow without you ♪
♪ and you'll only know my name ♪
[explosion]
♪ You always told me ♪
♪ I'd be okay ♪
♪ Well, I'll be okay ♪
♪ though I'm not okay today ♪
♪ But my tears won't fall ♪
♪ upon your shoulder ♪
♪ I'll just get older ♪
♪ and you'll only know my name ♪♪
[heartfelt music playing]
[rattling]
[door closes]
[sighs]
[groans]
Ugh. Don't you have any reading material anywhere?
Are we supposed to just sit here and wait?
How long do they take?
They take their time.
It's a difficult business, I imagine.
You "imagine," huh?
Well, they should hurry up if they expect people
to just stick around without anything to do.
What a shoddy business operation.
Ooh, here's an idea. You could shut the fuck up.
[gasps]
Rude.
-[ringing] -[gasps]
Oh, oh, yes, yes, yes, yes.
-Hello? -[telemarketer] Hey, I'm calling you
about your extended warranty
-on your new Robo Pony 2000. -[growls]
[straining] Come on.
[muttering profanity]
[exclaims] What a fucking idiot I am!
This was so stupid, I cannot believe I could be this fucking stupid!
I ruined everything!
[gasps] Move, you shitty desk!
And I did it for what?
These stupid, foolish fantasies?
I can't stand it any longer.
I don't care what they fucking do.
I'm seeing Octavia.
I guess it's something to read.
[upbeat music playing]
[shudders] It is cold as shit.
What is this?
Do humans have Sinsmas, too?
I-I don't think so.
This seems to be something else.
-You okay, babe? -Oh, yeah. [coughs]
Must just be the cold.
Okay, let's just hurry up and kill this son of a bitch
so we can get the fuck back home.
[children laughing]
[tranquil music playing]
Sir?
This may be out of turn,
but I feel like this one isn't worth the money.
-[Millie] What? -I don't think I want to be part
of this one, sir.
You okay, Dad?
I can handle this one. You know, if you're not up for it.
Really?
[Blitzo] Nah, fuck this.
-We're going home. -[Millie] What?
Didn't he cheat or s-something?
Come on, this is fun.
We've done this kind of th-thing before.
Just not this one, Mils.
Not today.
I can do this one. I can do this.
Millie!
We'll do it next time. It's just not worth it--
Don't start, Moxxie.
Just because you aren't demon enough to do this job doesn't mean...
I'm sorry.
Sweetie, I know it's Sinsmas and it's in the spirit of Wrath,
-but are you okay? -I'm fine.
I don't know what's gotten into me today.
It's okay.
I'm here for you.
Wow. I never want to go anywhere cold again.
Uh...
-Stolas? -[client] He's gone.
And he left this terribly sinful erotic novel behind.
Can you believe this trash?
Didn't make me wet at all.
[screams]
Wow, I feel lighter.
-Dad? -Octavia?
Wh-What are you doing here?
I came to give these back to my dad. Where the fuck is he?
I swear, he was just right here.
[sighs] Where would he go?
I think I know.
[dramatic music playing]
[grunts]
[groans]
Fucking ice queen. How extra can you get?
Oh, this is just sad, Stolas.
Let me see my daughter this instant.
[laughs]
I imagine this is rather hard for you, Stolas.
Aw, poor thing.
All alone now without your lovely plants,
your lovely stars,
or your lovely little daughter.
Everything you are now... [shrieks]
-[grunts] -[shouting]
-[grunting] -[whimpering]
[sputters]
[exciting music playing]
[Andrealphus] Goetia be damned.
You are dead for that.
Do it, pussy.
I will enjoy this.
[Blitzo] Hey, Elsa.
Get your icy hands off my bottom, bitch.
[laughs] The imp?
The imp is challenging me?
Scatter!
[exciting music playing]
[grunts]
Millie!
Loona, launch me.
[shouts]
Ha-ha!
[grunts]
You little insects really think you can do anything to me?
A marquis of Hell?
-You are delusional. -[snarling]
[imitates buzzer sound] Try again, bitch.
I've been called so much worse.
[bleep]
It'll be rather amusing to squash you all.
[howling]
[screeches]
Oh, fuck me.
[grunts] Oh.
Fuck yes.
Catch, baby.
You are so fucking hot right now.
I think I'm gonna give the firepower a try this time.
-Mwah. -Millie, big weapon, stat.
[growling]
[straining]
[humming]
This is fun.
All right, sweetie, cover me.
The prince's knight needs his sword.
♪ ♪
[Blitzo grunts]
-Disgusting. -[Moxxie] Blitzo.
Ooh, impressive, Moxxie.
-Catch. -Yeah, Moxxie. High five...
Oh, whoa!
-[screeches] -[roars]
You've just risked your life to save mine.
Well, so did you.
[inspirational electric guitar playing]
How dare...
you pathetic waste of lower class scum attack me?
-[roars] -For this,
I will see all your heads mounted.
[suspenseful music playing]
Stand down, girl.
This doesn't concern you.
[Octavia strains] Enough!
-[grunts] -Stop it!
You will not hurt my dad.
You are in no position to make demands of me.
Imagine what your mother will say.
Uh-huh, exactly. Imagine what her mother will say
when she finds out you got your ass handed to you
by a gaggle of imps and a hellhound.
I think that's what folks call a bad look.
A very bad look.
[sputtering]
[blows raspberry]
You aren't worth my time anyway.
But you will regret this.
[heartfelt music playing]
Via.
My brave, powerful girl,
I am so proud of you.
[Octavia] You lied to me.
-What? -You lied to me.
You said you would never leave me. You promised.
Via, I-I didn't leave you. I-I would never.
-It wasn't my choice. -It was your choice.
You chose him.
Via, no. I-I didn't.
I just... I had to. You don't understand.
[Octavia] I do understand.
I understand we were never enough for you.
You never loved Mother and you don't love me.
You love him.
And you needed these.
Was this my fault that you needed these?
No. No. Never, Via.
Sweetie, please, you have always been
the only good thing in my life.
So, does that mean you just stayed miserable because of me?
Was I some fucking obligation?
Is that why you didn't even hesitate when you got a chance to leave?
I love you, Via, so, so much.
-Please, sweetie, let me explain. -I can't.
You lied to me once and you'll do it again.
Have a great fucking life with him, Dad.
No, Via, please.
Please!
[sniffles]
[crying]
Whew, that was intense.
I'm gonna see if my friends can still come tonight.
I need some drinks after what happened today.
Yeah, sure. Whatever you want, Loony. Okay?
[somber music playing]
♪ ♪
She hates me.
[♪ Verosika Mayday sings "A Sinsmas Party (I'll Murder You)"]
[Moxxie] You want to try
some of my home-baked Sinsmas cookies, Your Highness?
Eh? Eh?
I think I'll pass, but thank you.
And you don't need to address me like that.
-♪ 'Cause I'm making a list ♪ -Hey, where's Mils?
♪ I'm checking it twice ♪
♪ I'm gonna make sure that nobody is nice ♪
♪ By the time the night is through ♪
♪ I'm gonna murder you...
[sighs] Shit.
♪ ♪
Oh, hey, sweetie.
We're about to start board games.
I'll be right there, baby. Calling the fam for Sins first.
[line beeps, rings]
Hey.
Hey, Sal. You alone?
Um...
yes.
Okay. Good.
I just need someone to talk to about something.
What's going on?
[heartfelt music playing]
[crying] I don't know what to do.
[Loona] Okay, okay.
So, did you see fucking Vikki's post the other day?
-Fucking Vikki? -I swear,
if she posts one more humblebrag about that ugly-ass car,
-I'm gonna commit. -[Russ] Cha, for real.
Oh, hey, sweetie, how'd the call go?
It was nice.
-You know I love you? -Love you, too.
[Loona] Okay.
Time for the board games.
With drinks!
[laughs] Merry fucking Sinsmas, am I right?
-[laughs] Vikki's such a bitch. -You know,
-you guys go on without me, okay? -No, I didn't invite her.
-I'll just... I need a moment. -She brings the whole party down.
-You mind if I steal? -Huh?
When have you ever asked?
Today was a lot, wasn't it?
I-I know you can't see your kid.
And I know you did so fucking much just to save my life.
It's okay.
Saving you was the right thing to do.
And you have risked your life for mine in return.
[somber music playing]
You don't need to feel any guilt for my situation.
It was my choice.
It was all my choice.
I caused all of this.
Well, she'll understand eventually.
-You just got to give her time. -Blitzo, she's gone.
For 100 years, she's gone.
And after all that time, she'll never forgive me.
I'll be a stranger to her.
You know, my twin sister, she hates me, too,
for something that I did.
And I miss her every day.
We were so fucking close, you know, we...
It's a shitty feeling.
But you just got to keep trying.
Yes. Of course.
-[♪ Benny Benack III sings "Merry Sinsmas"] -[Russ] No "O"?
Get your ass in here.
-We're starting the games. -Yeah, I need you to show up Russ.
Hey, I'll be back in just a sec, okay?
Sounds like, uh...
they want me back in there. [chuckles]
[Stolas] Go enjoy your Sinsmas, Blitzo.
I'm fine.
You don't have to stay here with me.
♪ And look me in the eye...
What are you doing?
Well, I can't fucking dance with you without-- come here--
getting inventive.
♪ I loved you then ♪
♪ I love you still, and now ♪
♪ it won't be long ♪
♪ until you're here at last...
[chuckles]
I imagine we look ridiculous right now.
[scoffs] Yeah, like that's anything new.
I mean, look at me, I'm like four feet tall, and you?
You're like the size of one of those really, very tall, tall horses.
Never really seemed to be an issue.
[chuckles]
I guess you were just creative.
Only as creative as you were flexible.
[laughs]
♪ Know that you ♪
♪ are on my mind ♪
♪ Merry Sinsmas ♪
♪ Truer love is hard ♪
♪ to find ♪
♪ ♪
♪ I would travel every ring ♪
♪ of Hell ♪
♪ just to see if you'll be mine ♪
♪ Merry Sinsmas ♪
♪ Know that you ♪
♪ are on my mind ♪
♪ Merry Sinsmas ♪
♪ Truer love ♪
♪ is hard to find ♪♪
[neighing]
[whip cracks] find ♪♪