You can run,
but you can't fly.
I don't need to.
Really?
Give up?
Do you?
We don't actually need to see your scattered atoms to prove my point.
The "point" being your video game has some nice graphics?
Sure.
Flattery won't get you un-atomized.
If you want to survive, you've gotta change with the times.
Spend a few decades frozen in ice,
then we can talk about survival.
Sir, I believe you would call that a "burn."
Point to Jarvis.
Master of the obvious.
I've already designed new armor for you,
Cap,
plus an upgrade to the shield.
Don't worry, I kept the color scheme.
Tony, armor would slow me down.
And my shield is like an extension of my arm!
If you change it in any way...
Just say it.
Say "Tony, I'm afraid of new tech!"
Admitting you have a problem is always the first step.
Gosh,
Mister Big-Brain! Your modern tech is so gol-darn confusing!
How does this contraption turn water into coffee?
Is it coal power, or is it:
a miracle?
Hmm,
sarcasm must be a modern invention because when you do it,
it just sounds wrong.
Say, if I hit this,
will the whole building just launch into the sky?
Um, the Avenjet?
Yes.
I know.
I read the manual.
I don't have a problem with technology.
But no machine can replace human intuition,
or just plain guts.
You're saying I don't have guts?
Sir, there is a broadcast I suggest you watch.
On your newfangled magic picture box?
Enough.
You call them "Avengers?"
I call them loose cannons!
Ha!
Hammer-Tech offers better,
safer high-tech protection from evil,
without the unbearable ego of Tony "The Phony"
Stark! Avengers,
I challenge you:
come on down and see for yourself that I can do
a better job of "hero-ing" than you can!
I'm Justin Hammer, and I approve telling the Avengers
to stuff it for a safer America.
Someone doesn't like you.
A lot of people don't like me.
None of them are as annoying as Justin Hammer.
Jarvis, get me coordinates and call the gang.
Hammer's a wannabe.
Smart-ish.
He's a weapons tech guy like I am,
only he's got no skill, talent, or tact.
Since when do you have tact?
And why are we taking his bait?
Because on the off-chance he really did build something dangerous,
we don't want a guy like Hammer running around
with an atomic bomb in his pocket.
And he called you out on TV.
And that.
You accepted my invitation!
Mango iced tea?
I made it myself.
Whatever sad little game you're playing, Hammer, let's get it over with,
so I can get back to something more meaningful.
Like,
anything.
I just wanted to run a little experiment.
The Avengers against one of my humble inventions.
Seriously?
What could possibly--
Huh?
Meet the Super Adaptoid! Super-hero of the future.
It's time to put your metal where your mouth is,
Iron Man!
Wow.
You invented a "sucker-punch" machine.
Congrats.
Oh, he's a lot more than that!
Go on,
take a whack at him!
Guys! Come on!
We came all the way out here,
let's at least enjoy the show for a few seconds.
Maybe Stark will get punched again.
Thanks for the support, Hawkeye.
You're the best.
Hammer's toy robot packs a wallop,
barely.
Oh look,
it's scanning us for weaknesses.
That.
Is.
Adorable!
Don't get cocky...
cockier.
It's learning!
Then let's take it to school.
I give him an F.
Whoa!
F minus.
In Asgard we do not have a grading system such as this,
but I will play along.
I give him a
G!
Make that an H!
Next time,
"School's out."
Then, bam!
Work for you?
A-ha! I see what you did there.
You ruined my only model! It'll take me forever to build another!
Next time you build something to attack us with:
don't.
Can't blame a guy for trying!
Actually, we can.
Stay out of the weapons game before you hurt someone.
It's never that easy...
I'm gonna sue!
That'll teach you. Lawyer up, Blue Boy!
'Cause I'm gonna sue you all!
My ride is leaving.
That...
was exceptional.
You sure you're getting' all this?
'Cause we're ready for phase two.
A "Super-Adaptoid" that can't adapt?
Hammer should've called it "Stupor-Adaptoid."
why so blue, Big Green?
He hardly got to smash anything besides Hammer's junk-bot.
Left a ten gallon tub of peanut butter for this stupid mission.
Better still be there.
What did you scan from the Adaptoid during the battle?
I scanned it being crushed to bits. Why?
I'd just like to see the data, that's all.
You said it was...
scanning us?
There's nothin' to see!
Nada. Zip. Zero.
Hammer came at us with his cheesy robot, we tore it apart.
That "cheesy robot" started adapting to your fighting style,
and was about to use Falcon's weapons against him.
And don't you think it's strange to spend
billions on a robot just to let us crush it?
Hammer can't be a complete idiot--
No, Hammer is a complete idiot.
Really.
He's just a geek with armor envy.
Data, please.
Not my idea of a good time, but knock yourself out.
And if any of the math looks complicated, that's because it is.
I can do this.
If you just say "I meant to do that,"
it pretty much covers everything.
Thanks.
I don't want to overstep, but if you need help with the tech, just ask.
It's probably sort of challenging for someone of your... age?
Sam, I'm barely older than you.
I slept through a lot, but I woke up to a world of marvels.
I really think this stuff is the tops!
Cool,
but just so you know, nobody says "the tops" anymore.
What are you looking for, anyway?
Hammer played right into one of Stark's blind spots.
He threw a machine at Tony.
And Stark believes he's master of all machines.
Right there!
Whoa,
those are undifferentiated micro-clusters.
Tiny machines--
That can be repurposed in response to new programming,
right?
Futura.
Never miss an issue.
Tony thought the Adaptoid was scanning us for weaknesses...
But it can do more than that.
Better call him--
Gentlemen!
You left so soon!
Our little test wasn't over.
See, first Super Adaptoid learns,
then he adapts. Capiche?
He hit me with a repulsor blast, just like yours!
What is this?
Don't quote me on this but, uh,
I've got no idea.
Soil your armor yet, Stark?
Hammer's machine wasn't scanning us for weakness.
It was learning--
I got it, Cap!
When was the last time you tasted uni-beam, Stark?
Taste this!
Stuff it,
Stark!
Iron Man!
No one uni-beams me.
That's not gonna work!
You should listen to your team!
You still don't get it!
Smooth! I'll have to remember that one.
The beauty part is, recalling your every move shouldn't be a problem.
I feel like causing trouble.
You feel like stopping me?
Gonna listen to me now?
You bet.
As soon as I remind Hammer that anything he can build,
I can break!
Tony!
Don't worry, I got him!
This doesn't look anything like listening.
I hate robots.
Aye.
Shall we begin the smashing, then?
As Adaptoid is hit with new weapons, energy,
or powers, it can copy them by creating new devices,
new weapons,
and new tactics.
Like that one.
What's the game, Hammer?
You don't get to be "Superhero of the Future"
by attacking us over New York City.
True.
Maybe that was a little fib on my part.
Maybe I have bigger plans for the Adaptoid.
And I bet you just wish you knew what they were!
Well, that wasn't ominous at all.
Hmm.
Turbines approximating Falcon's speed,
my repulsor tech, Hulk's excess density and strength,
and Cap's shield, obviously.
How did you figure it out, Sam?
I didn't. It was Cap.
Cap?
I hate it when he's right.
Especially when it means I'm wrong.
Go back to school, robot!
Huh?
That was a good jest, yes?
Just light it up.
It's not gonna be that easy.
Ha!
We were not finished!
Ready up, Avengers! This isn't over yet!
I have a strategy--
We're all good, Cap!
That thing just took a faceful of Hulk
and a kajillion volts of Asgardian lightning.
It's toast.
Really?
You're the one's about to burn!
When are you going to learn?
It's learning our moves and mimicking our powers.
We have to try a new way of doing things,
different than we're used to.
I'm on it!
Bring it on, little birdie!
If the Adaptoid can steal what our moves are, then we can't be ourselves...
Ooh! I call Handsome Billionaire!
You're all limited by years of experience, hardened into habit!
But all my Adaptoid does is grow and change and learn!
Learning takes too long.
Let's try a combined assault!
If we can overwhelm him, we can wipe that smirk off his face.
Come on!
Keep it occupied! We need better tools!
Avengers, attack!
You don't think Adaptoid can handle you all at once?
Hawkeye!
Missiles!
I am all over 'em!
Good boy!
But can you stand some Falcon power, mixed with Thor brand lightning?
Whoa!
My hair!
Oh no, no, no.
Sneak attack?
That will not do.
All taken care of, except...
Me!
Zap.
Ha!
Too bad you don't know how to adapt.
Now, where were we?
Time to put your metal where your mouth is,
Iron Man!
System failure.
Ah, Tony...
May I call you Tony?
No.
Are you man enough to admit my hardware is bigger
and much, much better than yours?
Where's the famous Stark snark, huh?
Finally bowing to the better man?
Here's a tip:
when you're busy monologue-ing,
you're not busy noticing that your butt's
about to get beat red, white, and blue.
Huh?
Copycats never get far, Hammer.
Hope you know you're finished.
Finished?
Not nearly!
All right.
New plan.
Everyone accounted for?
Cap?
Run away?
I'm faster!
Hide?
I'll find you!
Adaptoid's mastered all your tricks, remember?
And I don't mean to hurt your feelings,
but there wasn't much to learn tech-wise from a relic like you.
Before we wrap this up,
I wanna patch in a friend to enjoy this victory.
Skull!
You gettin' this?
Figures you're not alone.
So tell me,
how's my audition going for you so far, huh?
Impressive.
But Herr Hammer, I must caution you not to underestimate
Captain America.
He is more formidable than you can imagine.
He's puny.
And old.
And no match for my modern mechanical mayhem!
I am good!
Cornered...
Just what I wanted.
Ha!
My tech was too much for tired old Captain America?
Guess our little experiment is finally over.
Cap?
What are you doing?
It's called adapting!
Great plan.
Except the Avenjet has a monster-sized hole in it!
And any second you're gonna run out of air!
Um...
I meant to do that!
I'm surprised at you!
Aren't you the one who keeps telling Stark not to use the same old moves?
What a shame.
Huh?
Cap! Hang tight!
We're on our way.
ETA two minutes!
Okay, but just wait for my signal.
Wait. What signal?
You'll know it! Gotta go.
You are a wily one, Mister America!
It's "Captain."
And I meant for you to catch my shield.
Huh?
Nice touch.
But I've already taken down gods and monsters.
You're just a man, so it's only a matter of time.
And, still going!
Let's face facts, Cap.
You're not gonna win his fight 'cause you borrowed a bow and arrow.
You tech heads are all the same.
You always forget one simple variable...
Good old-fashioned guts.
Why can't I hit you?
You copied the moves of the teammates I spar with every day!
Now I know your robot better than you do.
For example, Thor always drops his left guard...
like that!
And Falcon always flares his wings whenever he's thrown for a loop...
like that!
Yeah?
Well, maybe you know them.
But I bet you don't know yourself as well as you think!
I'll take that bet.
See, ninety percent of the time, I dodge to the right when I throw my shield.
But never in front of a window.
Huh?
That was the signal, in case you missed it.
Aww, pig's feet!
Time to end this, don't you think?
School is out for summer!
Cap?
Come out, come out, wherever you are.
If you're still alive.
Oh, man, I hope you're still alive.
Cap?
Tony.
So, that was your plan:
trash the Avenjet and shoot it into space?
Don't worry, Tony.
I'll lend you a book on home repair.
Wait.
You do know what a book is, right?
Yeah,
there are a few old-fashioned things worth keeping around.
I deserve to be in the Cabal. Next time, it'll work better!
You gotta understand, this is just a-a minor setback, okay?
Indeed.
But I am afraid your services will not be required.
Aw, come on!
I'm begging you, give me another chance.
I almost beat them! I almost--
Imbecile.
But still,
an imbecile with an important tool.
MODOK?
Do you have what you need to re-build it?
Some of it.
Most of the machine burned up on re-entry,
so it's only about twenty percent viable.
But it's already healing itself.
Hammer failed in his audition for our little Cabal,
but his machine did not.
All it needs is a better pilot.
Okay, wait a second,
so explain to me again how you memorized all our moves
without the aid of a single machine?
You just wouldn't understand good old-fashioned human ingenuity.
Maybe, maybe not.
But I'd be willing to learn.
In that case...
Humbled and impressed in one day.
I think I hate today.
Impressed by this?
It's just a little something I whipped up on my handy dandy Starkpad.
Now,
let's go over the battle.
Hold on...
I want to take notes.
Learning!