Yeah, enlighten me.
Not interested in giving you a sermon, bro.
I am just trying to warn you.
Warn me about what? Those fuckers?
They are called trolls.
They're a part and parcel of being famous.
They spare no one. It doesn't matter whether you are SRK or KRK.
There's just one way to handle them.
IGNORE.
Like you did, kiddo?
Isn't she the same Deepali Shah who made you crazy...
...with joy when she started following you?
These guys are toxic.
They come online to vent their frustration.
Bloody losers, man.
John, there are 400-500 million phones in India.
400-500 million phones means 400-500 million opinions.
Learn to deal with it.
Is this how one should express their opinion?
By saying such disgusting things?
Listen Kevin I...
I haven't understood this whole follower-icon relationship to start with, okay?
Please correct me if I am wrong.
You follow someone because you like them or what they do, correct?
How can you have so much hatred for somebody you're still following, man?
Don't tell anyone that we're related.
I'll lose half my followers.
Kevin fuck off yeah, seriously.
Which world are you living in, bro?
Star-fan relationship has changed.
There was a time when fans used to go out of their way for their favourite stars.
But now it's the other way around.
Now stars go out of their way for their followers,
just so that they don't leave them.
I'm sure Deepali is not like that.
Yeah,
even I hope she is not like that.
Sorry guys, family matter.
Come on, let's do another rehearsal.
I'm a Richie Rich Boy in this Itchy-Itch world.
Give me... give me what? Er, what was the product?
What's up, big sister?
Mom's your big sister, not me.
It was with reference to your size, girl.
No one's home.
You know where the kitchen is.
- Bye. - Wait.
I can hardly get a hold of you.
You don't take my calls.
When I ask others about you, they say they haven't met you either.
Do you have anything urgent to discuss?
Yes. Listen, wait.
Why didn't you meet Jigar?
You know he has four fast food joints in USA?
You think I need more food?
Anyway, I was busy.
You were busy, eh?
You sneeze and you post about it, and you're telling me you're busy?
Listen, Mehta's son Jugal will come down to Surat in two months.
I don't want to meet anyone.
- You should meet him. - I don't want to.
Don't worry, I have told him everything about you.
What have you told him?
Actually, Jugal is also a little on the plump side.
But he is a very good-looking boy.
I don't want to meet him.
Listen, why don't you check out his account on Joypad?
Check out his pictures, yeah?
I'll give you a toffee.
- Okay, I'll check them out. - Okay?
Okay?
You're okay to check out his account?
And you still won't respond to my friend request?
People I know in real life are not on my Joypad account.
That's a strange theory.
No one does that, you know.
Yes, it is a strange theory.
Can I go now?
I'll check out his profile.
Do that.
Listen, I've brought diet snacks, interested?
No? I'll give it to my big sister.
You do that.
Guys, I am going to fast till death so that fat people get special rights.
On second thought, I think it's a terrible idea.
"I think, I say."
"I make, I post."
ALRIGHT GUYS, WE HAVE GOT THIS ONE. CRAZY!
What a shot!
"Post-post-post..."
I'm the bomb, I'm the bomb, I'm the bomb.
Rishi!
Come here, come here, come here!
Bro!
This is awesome. Very good.
Great...
And your hair!
Feel them, feel them, feel them.
Amazing!
Didn't come off, right? They are the real deal, bro.
It's dope.
How many times do I need to tell you to put it on the second button?
You still keep putting it on the third button.
Who will explain it to the client if there is a continuity mistake?
They are scared of me.
Don't worry man, I'll explain it to them.
Come here.
- Look at that. - Why is that wet?
Some technical shit.
Look there's the first camera and there's the second camera.
Lights everywhere.
I didn't spend a single penny, fully sponsored.
Hmm?
Hmm.
Big setup.
I told you to be a part of my video.
- But you... - Listen bro...
Can you please excuse us?
I need to say something.
I don't know how to say it.
Is it that time of the month?
Right.
Talk to me.
I have decided that I want ask Richa out.
Aww, my coochie coochie is acting like a big boy now.
- He wants to chase skirts, yeah? - Listen, but I don't know how to go about it.
I'll be in deep shit if I fuck this up.
Please help me out.
Sure.
Why not?
AND?
Milk?
No sir, black is good.
One month to go, right?
Yes, sir.
Hi, mom.
So, have you started packing?
I still have a month left.
- What is it? - It's nothing.
Is that Vikas?
We would love to talk to him.
We have some guests over.
Why?
What's the occasion?
How typically American of him.
He needs a reason to invite guests over.
That's your friend's son.
Congratulations.
Handsome, isn't he?
Very handsome.
- Thank you, bro. - He is very cute.
Now quickly come back and start having kids.
Right.
We got Vikas in the house, he's here!
You've lost a lot of weight.
You've got dark circles.
What's wrong?
Don't you get anything to eat there?
Hi, brother!
- Get lost! - Well...
You wretched menace!
Hello, Vikas.
How are you doing?
Hi, aunty.
You've lost a lot of weight.
- Don't you get to eat? - Eat?
I'll just eat something right away.
You're making a mistake by coming back.
Ignore him.
He doesn't know what he's talking about.
There's no place better than home.
Look at this.
He couldn't survive there, could he?
I knew he wouldn't be able to.
- There is no way he would. - It's okay.
This way we'll have "Vikas" [Progress] in our country.
Rain that doesn't drench you cannot be called a downpour.
A friend in need is a friend indeed.
- Right, son? - Well said, brother.
Someone add him to our family group.
- He's already a part of it. - Is he?
Then why doesn't he reply to my good morning messages?
Well...
Because of the time difference, brother.
Right!
Anil is saying hello.
Anil?
Wasn't he in Singapore?
Hi, Vikas.
Hi, Anil.
I feel angry, but I don't lash out.
Yes?
You'll come over to our place for dinner as soon as you return, got it?
Yes.
And you'll come over to our place next.
Sure.
- Then to our place. - Okay.
If your child is not home, it feels like just an ordinary house.
- Right. - Are you feeling me?
It doesn't rhyme well, dad.
Let me talk to mom.
Okay, fine.
Where are you?
Your son's getting irritated. Talk to him.
- Have your meds. - Okay.
What is it, son?
I'm going. Okay, bye.
Listen, you are doing the right thing by coming back.
I was a little worried in the beginning.
You're leaving everything and coming back, but...
You know we've stopped having a variety in our food since you left.
It's like everything has lost its flavour.
Your birthday party would have been so dull without you.
We will throw a big party this time.
Look, I am getting your room painted.
It's looking good, isn't it?
I selected this colour.
I am so glad that you are coming back.
Come back soon.
Love you, my boy.
Love you, mom.
Bye.
Oh really?
Hmm, so this is the room.
Yeah.
This is the room, that's the man,
and that's the machine.
Have you fucking lost it?
Shit-shit-shit-shit, I think she noticed it.
Hey... bottoms up.
Okay.
Yeah.
Another one?
- Okay. - I'll get it.
He did it!
She's too hot.
Seriously.
He is incorrigible.
What are you looking at?
Nothing.
I was just making sure that everything's perfect, that's all.
Here's your drink.
- Cheers. - Cheers.
Come on, come on, come on fast.
How's it?
Wine is meant to be savoured.
Everything happens at a fast pace in this house, madam.
Do it!
Fuck!
He's kissing her.
He did it.
He's a player.
Oh he-man.
Prateek...
Did my screen just freeze or is it the same for you guys as well?
I need to tell you something before we...
But we are doing it, right?
Yes, but...
...it is important to tell you about this.
Yeah?
I hope you won't tell anyone else.
No, I won't.
He's a guy, a She Male.
Why did they stop?
Come on...
The thing is that...
Yeah?
The thing is that I...
Come on, out with it.
So the thing is that I...
I don't get satisfied easily.
Okay.
It's like I don't reach you know...
I'll...
No, it's like... I am too hot inside.
My ex-boyfriend used to take two Viagras.
He went into depression.
Does he plan on touching her feet to seek her blessings?
What is she saying?
I really care about you.
Prateek?
Yeah?
Are you listening?
Prateek?
We're doing it, right?
- He won't be able to do it. - Prateek?
He's a bloody loser.
Why is he walking backwards?
We can't see the face. Move, Pratty.
Prateek?
Yo, yo, sneaky snake charmers!
Let's check the report on the video I uploaded yesterday.
I still haven't checked it.
Let's do this together.
Reporting, Repo--
945k views, 10k likes.
9...945k views, 10k likes!
Have you guys fucking lost it?
You'll surely love me to give me these many views in just 8 hours!
945k views, 10k likes!
Mmmmwahhhh!
Guys, this "k" needs to turn into "m", got it?
We need to cross a million views.
Dhinchaak Singh: Bloody loser!
His father should have chosen to sleep that night.
Oh Gormint aunty, you are very brutal huh, very brutal.
Renuka Dhar: Excuse me, here are your frivolous thoughts.
I found them in the gutter. Fucking fagot.
There you go!
She's a true fan.
No matter what happens, she'll never unfollow me.
Get going now.
Like-share-comment on it.
You need to show this video to everyone.
And I mean everyone.
Okay, bye.
Go!
Just go!
In the forest, the horny peacock has found himself a peahen.
But breeding her won't be easy.
You think she'd agree?
I would if I were a girl.
You're looking cute, almost like Diljit Dosanjh.
Full confidence.
Go-go-go! Good boy.
No-no-no-no-no-no!
- Sorry. But... - Go-go-go-go-go!
- Go for it. - You sure?
Loser.
Fine, I'm going.
This horny peacock is as attractive as shit.
This pudding head wants to dance to entice her,
but he is of no good.
Go on, my boy. Do it.
He's going for it! He's going for it! He's going for it!
The peahen who is basking in the sun looks at him...
Hi, Richa.
Hi, Rishi.
Hi.
Would you... would you like to...
This peacock is a pander.
I was...
Hi, Richa.
Hi, Rishi.
I got 90% in chemistry.
Will you go on a date with me?
- The peahen is confused. - What?
No, I'll pay you.
- What? - No-no-no!
I mean, you pay me.
You pay me.
YOU PAY ME.
Why don't you give me your mother's number?
I mean my mother will talk to her.
Fine, you don't even need to have sex with me or kiss me...
- Rishi! - He is no more.
Rishi!
Lucky-lucky-lucky!
I want more than one million hits on this video, got it?
And no one should insult Rishi.
You should follow him @youpaymeipayyou.
Naughty guys!
Buzz off now.
Everyone should like-share-comment on it!
Like-share-comment! Go!
Let me know what's wrong, bro!
I don't want to read their good morning messages.
I don't want to eat spinach and cottage cheese.
I don't want to have four beautiful, ugly or disgusting kids.
I don't want to have lunch or dinner with distant relatives.
From one house to another, to another to another...
John, pick up the phone.
I just attended a video call with people from 4 countries and 14 cities.
Relatives, their relatives, their kids, their friends...
Bro-bro-bro-bro, English or slower the fuck down.
George, I can't go back home.
What do I do?
Okay, okay...
You throw them some emotional shit about your career, alright?
Or tell them you getting a better job. Easy.
Can't.
Why? Why?
I have got 5 better offers back home, man. They won't buy it.
You got 5 better job offers back home?
Bro!
Yo, get your ass in the fucking streets so you get hit by a fucking car,
so you'll be hospitalized then you can go nowhere.
Can you stop bullshitting please?
Okay, okay.
How about if you get into big fucking mess, you know?
Or do anything possible to land your ass in fucking jail.
That's it, easy.
Got to have faith in your bond with them.
Bond.
Yes of course, bond.
Rudy, thank you man.
Thank you.
George I'm gonna call you tomorrow.
Hi.
So, what do we talk about today?
Oh doctor doctor, take me down...
Or... where's that video?
I have it.
Really?
Fine.
Then show me the video,
and I'll show you this.
The video... it's not on my phone.
It's with a friend.
Tomorrow, for sure?
Could you please?
You know,
from my great job,
I've learnt to figure out, how the person in front of me is feeling.
The problem with people like you is not that you say something wrong,
it's the fact that you didn't say enough,
or you didn't say anything at all.
Just keep pursuing.
Are you this good to,
and so involved with every client?
The best in the job.
Model of the month five times in a row.
So, tell me about all the losers you talk to.
Can't tell you.
Please, tell me.
See, persuasion works.
There's one, Mr. Wellhung, married.
He wants to spice things up a bit.
Problem, conscience.
Best solution lizonline.com.
You can be a bit naughty, see the good stuff, but still stay guilt free.
Bloody pervert.
Why call him a pervert?
He's doing the right thing, isn't he?
He's being loyal to his wife and enjoying safe sex.
Yeah, right.
He's not a pervert and you are a social worker.
Perfect.
Exactly.
You saw how India reacted when porn was banned.
There are many like you and many even worse than you in the cyber world.
If not for this world the balance of the real world would have gone for a toss.
Is it?
So, you won't talk to someone who doesn't have money.
Of course not.
And...
what if anyone doesn't have someone to talk to?
As cliché as it might sound, Rishi,
but everyone has someone they can talk to,
they just need to recognise who it is.
Just look around you.
Yeah, okay.
Bye, Rishi.
Bye.
Shit.
Hi Julie!
Why can't I see you?
Er, the camera broke. It doesn't work anymore.
Why haven't you been taking any of my calls?
- Where is your phone? - My phone?
One second.
Hey, I told you to put her hair up.
Um, I was on a call actually.
Brothers? It's not Friday.
No, normal call-centre calls.
Okay listen, I have a great audition for you.
Can you send me your latest pictures?
- Really? - Hmm.
It's a big show, great show with lots of Ts and As.
Chill, I'm kidding.
Ah...
What happened?
Um, I've got to go babe, I'll call you back.
Okay, but listen before you go, I need your pictures today.
The client's been bugging me.
Oh and have a great call on Friday.
- Yes yes, I'll send it to you. Bye. - Bye.
Where's my hair?