A tragic ferry accident
today... apparently a ferry
rammed into the shoreline at
full speed near a local power
plant there.
There are multiple fatalities
and injuries reported at this hour.
Dee: That's really depressing, and how do you lose
control of a ferry? They're slow as shit.
Mac: Guy must've been drunk. Dennis: Yeah.
Frank: Hey-yo! Check out my new threads.
Picked them up at the airport.
What were you doing at the airport?
I don't know, just farting around.
I found this shop full of this stuff.
Look at that!
I got some for everybody.
"Life is happy"?
What the hell is that?
Well, it's-it's clothing that
supports a positive message.
I mean, you wear it and you
celebrate that life is happy, baby.
In other news, a man is in
custody for murder of a state
witness who was brutally
beheaded by an assailant
wielding a stop sign.
A man seeking justice is
beheaded by a maniac with a stop sign.
You're right, frank, life is happy.
The suspect in custody is a
59-year-old repeat felon by the
name of Luther MacDonald.
Holy shit... that's my dad!
If convicted, MacDonald could
face the death penalty.
Can you believe what they're
saying about my dad having
killed that guy?!
Yeah.
Charlie: Yeah, why-why
wouldn't I believe that?
No way.
This has got to be bullshit.
He's innocent, and I'm not gonna
let the state kill him.
I'm gonna save my dad's life.
(Indistinct P.A. Announcement)
Thanks for coming with me, man.
Well, you're forcing me to.
Yeah, well...
So I'm here.
Of course, of course.
We got to show support for my
dad, right?
We got to let him know that we
know he didn't do it.
I know, but I believe that he
did, so...
Well, are you gonna be cool?
I'll be cool, you know, as
long as he doesn't ask us to
shove heroin up our ass again,
I'll-I'll be cool.
He might and I might do it.
Well, you would enjoy it more
than I would.
Uh, here he comes.
Oh, here he comes.
Oh, dad! He looks great, huh?
Dad! Da-dad! Hey! How are you?
It's been so long! Look!
I-i brought a picture of mom
here just to make you feel more
at home.
She looks good, right?
And, uh, me... what about me?
How do I look? Do I look cool?
Give it a rest.
Do I look cool?
What do you want?
Uh, we-we just wanted to come
by and tell you that we believe
that there is no way that you
did this.
You didn't do it, right, dad?
No.
Right. I knew it! I knew it!
Another innocent man being
railroaded by the system!
Besides, there's no way that you
could've done this.
You have a bad shoulder and
that's why you could never have
a catch with me, remember?
Right.
Yeah, yeah.
Well, Charlie and I just want to
let you know that we will not
rest until you are proven innocent.
Look, I got a lawyer
appointed to me.
It'll be fine.
No, uh, uh, sorry, uh, Mr.
Mac, uh, you really don't want
to put your life in the hands of
a public defender.
I mean, those guys are absolute clowns.
I tell you what... I'd be
interested to take a look at
your case, you know, if-if you
want a little outside help.
I specialize in bird law mostly,
but I know my way...
Stay out of this!
Both of you!
I do not want you stirring
things up!
You hear me?
Yeah, i-i-i-i-i hear you, dad.
Um, one last thing, though.
I love you and I...
Oh, I love you!
I love you, dad!
I love you!
He can't hear me because of this...
Uh, he definitely heard you.
And the glass is too thick.
I think there's something...
Something wrong with that.
Yeah.
Uh, all right.
We're now being told the
ferry captain was intentionally
trying to steer the ferry into
the nearby power plant.
The captain has tested negative
for alcohol and drugs.
The guy wasn't even drunk!
This was a sober man purposely
steering a ship into a power plant.
Oh, god, the world is a very
depressing place.
You guys are depressing.
I'm trying to enjoy my cone
over here.
Turn that crap off!
(Door opens)
Yeah, baby!
There they are! The usual suspects!
Pondy! Just the man I want to see!
Now, this man loves life!
I'd love to get into some shots.
Line them up, Frankie!
Line them up!
Now we got some positive
vibes in here.
You are his aa sponsor, right?
Never change, Dee. I love it! Come on!
Do a shot with me. Come on... shot, shot, shot!
I gotta say I feel like a shot might make me feel better.
I think I need to do a shot at this point.
All right, to the brim. Let's go, frank, all right.
Yeah, you're looking pretty
dapper there, bill... you hittin'
it hard, or what?
I'm celebrating today, baby.
What's the special occasion?
I'm gonna kill myself.
What?
Yeah, no, no, I'm gonna drink
myself to death.
Yeah, I botched it.
Life, you know?
Old b.P. Had a good run, though,
you know?
It's like there's this tiny
little soul man in my body
driving me around.
That little soul man's ready to
power old bill down and move on
to the next party monster.
Aw, come on, you guys own a bar, right?
You watch people slowly kill
themselves every day, am I
right? (Laughs, coughs)
Keep it open.
*
Charlie, this is a huge waste of time.
No, no, no, no, this is
standard procedure.
They do this on every crime show.
You know, the murder police come
down to the scene of the crime
and they find some blue-collar
guy and they talk to him while
he's working.
Let's just talk to this guy over
here... he could know something, right?
Why would he know anything?
He's moving crates from one place to...
Will you just listen to me? All right?
Excuse me, sir, uh, do you work here?
Yeah.
Please, don't stop your work.
They never do on TV.
Go ahead and place that bag down.
Uh, now, are you familiar with
the beheading that took place
here last week?
Are you a cop?
No. But, uh, I do work on the
behalf of the accused.
I'm taking care of his interests
and whatnot.
This is his son, uh, Ronald.
You're Luther's kid?
Yeah. That's right, bozo.
And I'm willing to do whatever
it takes to make sure he doesn't
get the death penalty, all right?
Is that a threat?
Why don't you tell us what you saw.
I didn't see either of those guys, okay?
There was more than one guy?
I said too much. I don't want any trouble, okay?
Well, then stop giving us trouble, and tell us if there
was another guy. My lips are sealed, guys.
Then unseal them, or I'll unseal them for you!
Hey, hey, hey, what the hell are you doing?
You can't threaten this guy.
Threaten? I wasn't threatening him.
How do you not know what a threat sounds like?
Oh, you mean the "lips" thing?
Yes, the "lips" thing.
Charlie, he's got words in
his lips... I needed to get them out.
I know the words are in his lips... I saw them in there.
Just let me... you know, let me coax them out.
Otherwise, you're gonna freak the guy out, all right?
Just let me handle it, okay?
Sir, your lips are fine. I...
Great.
That happens to us way too much.
Yeah.
I mean, I don't really care that much about bill, I just
don't want him dying in the bar.
We've had too many deaths in there already.
We should probably try not to have another one.
We got to show pondy life is
worth living.
Right. I'm not real excited
about Maureen being a part of
this, but yeah, we'll do it.
Ah. W...
Hello, Dennis.
Oh, god. Maureen, what's
going on with your face?
What have you done?
I've had a few surgical
procedures to enhance my natural beauty.
You look like a cat.
Yes, exactly.
Cats are beautiful.
Where are your breasts?
Oh, they're in my face.
Great. Um, I don't really
have time for this shit, so,
have you gathered bill's family
for us?
(Meowing): Me-yes.
You kids remember uncle Dennis?
He came to talk to us about something important.
Go ahead, baby.
Yeah. Uh... >> Are you two getting back together?
Oh, no. I think so.
Uh, no, never. Uh, uh, okay.
Um, listen, you guys, your dad... He needs your help right now.
He's in a pretty tough spot. I don't call him "dad."
I call him Mr... sucker, 'cause he sucks so many...
Weird.
Uh, I'm not going to call him
that, okay?
I'll just refer to him as
"bill," I guess from now...
Yeah.
Okay, so, listen, here's the thing.
He is at our bar right now
drinking himself to death.
Oh, that's fantastic.
What? No, that's not fantastic.
The man's trying to kill himself.
If he dies, we get money.
When I get my money, I want to buy a new cell phone.
I'm gonna a gun, because I'm the man of the house.
Oh, shit, no. This kid should not have a...
No. No, no. Please.
We're trying to show bill that life is worth living.
Your dad loves you.
No, he doesn't. Oh.
Yeah. Has he not said it? Because
I'm telling you, he just... He does.
No. He told me. He said, "i do not love you. You're a punk."
He called me too fat to be a
slut, and tried to serve me an
omelet with cocaine in it.
Listen, guys, this is about
forgiving bill, your dad, okay?
It's not about blaming him.
No.
Oh, I blame you, too.
You and the other hookers he
slept with.
Hold on a second. I'm not...
I'm not a hooker.
I never have been.
Nah.
You're a hooker.
You're a fat slut!
(Screaming)
Oh, oh. Oh, okay, all...
Hey, hey, hey, hey, hey.
And you... you ruined his
sister with the divorce, and
look at her face.
She looks like a cat.
Cats are magical.
I kind of like...
I mean, maybe you could get some
fur. Yeah.
Oh, I like that idea.
What are you talking? No!
Do you think you could do a tail?
I don't see why I couldn't do a tail.
Don't-don't... no. Yeah. You could go full cat
and start wearing humans on your sweatshirt.
No one is turning themselves
into a goddamn cat with my
money! Can we focus here?
Let-let's... let's get back to
showing bill that life is happy.
Bill's a lying, cheating,
drug-addict piece of garbage,
and we all hope he dies.
Yeah.
(Buzzer sounds, door opens)
Hey, dad, hey, um, so, i-i
know you told us to stay out of
it, but, but we found out that
there was another guy.
Also, we got a stop sign and
recreated the murder, and there
was no way that you could have
swung that.
Actually, I kind of jacked my
shoulder up a little bit, too.
Do you realize what you've done?
No. Yeah. No. I told him, Mr. Mac.
I said, "hey, stealing a stop sign... that's a felony," and as
your counsel, I did advise against it.
I'm talking about you going
to the crime scene.
Word's out my son is
intimidating witnesses.
Now, that makes me look like I'm guilty.
Oh.
Oh, yeah.
Your dad'd be a good lawyer.
His idea.
But, look, the point is, we
found out that this other guy exists.
All we need to do is get his
name, and then I can rat on him.
Do not be a rat!
Stop... trying... to handle it,
or I... am going to have to
handle you, okay?
Okay, daddy.
Oh.
I love you, dad.
Oh, let it go. Let it go.
Oh... it's just I thought maybe...
Yeah.
It's not broken.
No. Yeah, it's working fine,
isn't it?
No, it works.
He seemed a little... he seemed
a little upset.
All right... plan "b" here.
I got an idea.
Why don't we check the guest
record, right, because maybe
that guy came to visit my dad?
Oh, the other guy signed in?
Yes.
And, uh, that's a good point.
Luther MacDonald visited
by... Bonnie Kelly?
Holy shit!
Well, that's the same name as
my mom.
It is your mom.
Nah. I'm sure there's plenty
of Bonnie Kellys.
You know, they probably all sign
their name with those weird,
squiggly lines, and...
Cursive? Are-are you talking
about cursive, dude?
Uh... cursing?
Cursive. Everybody can under...
Okay, look, doesn't matter.
We have to figure out why she
came to visit my dad.
And why is she signing my
mom's name?
Goddamn it, goddamn it.
Hey!
Bill, we want to talk to you.
Hey, you guys see this?
It was another ferry that ran
into the power plant.
Copycat crime.
(Bill laughs)
Hilarious, right?
No!
No. There are black and white
areas in life, bill, and that's
a... that's a black area.
Uh, look, turn it off.
We want to focus on the positive
in life now, pondy.
Yeah, yeah, which is why
we're all wearing these
ill-fitting t-shirts.
Yeah.
Right.
Okay, we want to show you
some reasons why life is worth living.
Yeah. And, Dennis, you're up.
Okay, so, uh, I like a good mani-pedi.
Uh.
Yeah, I like... I like a
good, healthy nail. I love one.
You know, you get your... you
get your nail beds clean, you
get your cuticles pushed back, right?
Yeah. Oh, yeah. That's great.
You get your hangnails all trimmed up... by one of those
nice ladies over there.
You know, a lot of those are
sex workers.
Yeah, the gals at the nail salon
there... yeah, they're prostitutes.
They're trafficked in.
Usually in shipping containers.
I mean, they're, like, crammed
in there, you know, like-like
sardines, shipped with sardines sometimes.
Oh.
It's ugly, but the point is,
those ladies doing your nails
probably tugged a guy off right
before you.
They ship 'em in in shipping containers?
That's depressing as hell.
Uh, uh...
Goddamn!
All right, Dee?
Me?
You, you're up, yeah. Yeah.
Yeah. Hey, bill, you know,
for me, uh, really it's just the
simple things that I like in my
life, like a moonlight walk or
a-a cozy, warm nap.
Or a delicious, ripe piece of
fruit, you know?
Oh.
Mmm.
The, uh, sex workers use
fruit during the act.
What?
Yeah. Yeah, well, the citrus
masks the taste of a dirty penis.
(Sniffles)
In fact, 95% of fruit has
usually been in someone's
orifice before it even reaches
the market.
Okay. Okay, I'm done.
He's ruined fruit for me, so I'm done.
You've made fruit depressing.
All right, well, I got this.
Okay, all right, what makes me
happy is, like, you know, at
night, a ride around town in a
limousine, partying, having a
good time.
When I'm on my way home, I'll
pass a bum.
I take a balloon with some
champagne in it, lob it out and
bean him.
He only gets a little bit in his mouth.
He doesn't get the whole thing. Right.
Not even a full sip of it. And you say, "hey, how do you
like a taste of the good life, you sack of shit?"
(Bill and frank laugh)
Hey, that's a...
God, that is awful!
That is a horrible thing to do
to another human being!
Goddamn you!
Hey, get over here, frank. Get over here.
Well... Okay, that's it, I'm done.
All right, this is depressing as shit.
I'm not doing this anymore.
In fact, I'm starting to think
that his family was right.
You guys, what if we took out a
life insurance policy on the guy?
I mean, if he's gonna do it
anyway, we might as well make a
little money off of it.
Hmm, that's dark.
Yeah, I know.
But can you take a life
insurance policy out on anybody?
Does it work that way?
Mm, it's a gray area, but I
think I got a guy, I could twist
his arm, we could get one.
Okay, I say we embrace the
gray area of life, okay, because
what we're doing is not working.
What, the state can murder
somebody without them even
wanting to die but a grown man
can't kill himself if he wants to?
A man should be able to end
his life if he wants...
He's a grown American man.
We're American.
Aw, to hell with him.
We tried. I give up.
Great, frank.
Glad you're on our side.
You're a terrible sponsor, by
the way.
Yeah.
Okay, so why were you
visiting Luther, mom?
I went to go...
She don't know nothin' about nothin'.
Look, we know there was
another guy in on this, all right?
So, come on, anything you can
give us.
He was staying here for a few months.
He was here for a few months?
Mom, why wouldn't you tell me that?
Mm.
Okay, well-well, was he here
on the night of the murder?
Uh, no.
Mom, don't lie, okay?
Okay, yes.
Quiet, Bonnie.
No, no.
Mom, if you know something,
you got to tell me.
I can't lie to my Charlie.
Good! Tell me everything.
Okay. They were both here.
They were both inside me.
Eduardo was in my mouth, and
Luther was in my butt.
Oh, my god, no, don't tell me everything.
What? No! What?!
Damn it, Bonnie.
Eduardo who?
Sanchez.
Holy shit. Tell us more.
Then Luther went in Eduardo's
butt for a while.
Tell us less. Tell us less.
Then they both "completed" on
each other.
I-i was left out of the finale.
And then Eduardo went out and
then he killed somebody and
then... th... well, that's all i know.
Jesus goddamn Christ, mom. If you know that, just say that.
Don't tell me the whole thing about banging every single guy
that comes in the house. If you just know about-about the
murder, just say the murder part! Oh, my god!
Oh, my god, this is crazy. You guys know what this means?
That my father was trying to establish dominance, and that's
the only reason he was in his butt or...
What are you tal... why are you focused on that?
Well, it's about power. We have our guy now.
I feel like we should make
that known, that it's about power, okay?
Let's not make any of it known.
We got to go to the police.
Don't be a rat.
All right, look, Mrs. Mac,
we're not gonna rat, all right?
We're gonna figure something
else out.
Good?
Mm.
Okay, you're off words again.
Great. Uh, and, mom, don't bang
every guy that comes into the house.
How 'bout that?
Okay, I won't, sweetie.
Okay.
It is my gift to you. >> This is... this is great. Thank you.
Guys, guys, guys, we've had a
major break in my dad's case.
What's ponderosa doing here? Oh, he's, uh, gonna drink
himself to death, so we took out a life insurance policy on him.
Oh, cool, yeah. Pretty dark, though, right?
We've been over this. We've justified this already.
Don't worry about it. We're okay with it. >> Fair enough.
Uh, turns out that Mac's dad didn't kill the guy.
No, there was another man in on this.
Yeah, it's gonna look really
bad if I rat on this man Eduardo
Sanchez, so I can't say his name.
Uh... >> You just did. You just ratted him out.
You said his name. By the way, another guy being
there doesn't mean that your dad didn't do it.
He might've done it with the other guy.
Oh, no, uh, my dad
established dominance over this man.
All right, well, let's not...
Oh, what-what does that mean? What's this?
Uh, there's some weird prison sex going on.
He may or may not have been a power bottom.
The bottom line is he talked
his lover into doing the murder for him.
Not his lover, his prison bitch.
Hey, what if I confess? Hmm?
What?
Yeah, I could take my own
life while saving your dad's.
Everybody wins.
Well, yeah, except everyone
would think that you decapitated
a man with a stop sign.
Ooh, even better.
Oh, that'll really embarrass the wife.
Okay, I like where this is
going, but I got to bring
something up here.
Um, if you were to do that... and
I don't want to be crass or, you
know... but how would that
affect, uh, the...
Oh, we still get the money.
Yeah?
I bought the most expensive
policy I could.
Great.
Let's go confess, baby!
Yeah.
I can't... I'm sorry.
I just... I don't get how it's
dominant if they finished on
each other.
How is that dominant?
It's dominant because he
finished first.
Then he allowed Eduardo to finish.
No, you're making that up.
You don't know that.
Oh, oh, there's bill.
Oh, hey.
Well, I did it. I confessed.
Why aren't you in handcuffs then?
Weirdest thing, I'm sitting
in the interrogation room, you
know, sobering up a little bit,
looking at myself in the two-way
mirror and I kept reading this shirt.
Yeah. Yeah, I started thinking,
"you know what, life is happy.
I want to live!"
Well, then what did you
confess about?
Eduardo Sanchez.
That guy you were talking about?
Turns out he's some big gang
member that they've been after
for years.
Yeah, your dad's innocent.
Holy shit, my dad's gonna get off.
That means I'm a hero!
I did it!
Dad, dad, we did it.
We did it.
Yeah, we did it!
They're gonna nail this Eduardo
Sanchez guy and you're gonna
walk free.
I saved you.
Saved me?
Yeah.
You buried me.
Now everyone in here thinks I'm
a rat.
They're gonna kill me in here.
Because of you.
I'm-I'm sorry.
I still love you.
I don't.
(Door buzzes)
He definitely heard you.
You know, he can... he can hear you.
He didn't mean that, though. He was just upset.
Captioned by media access group at wgbh access.Wgbh.Org
(trio chanting backwards)