[paramedic 1] Don't think this guy's gonna make it. You hear me?
[paramedic 2] Did you have an OPA.
[paramedic 1] Breathing's irregular and weak.
- [paramedic 2] Responsive to pain? - [paramedic 1] Not at all.
Sir, can you hear me? His lips are super red.
[paramedic 2] Purple cyanosis.
- Super diaphoretic. - [paramedic 1] Sweating like a pig.
- What happened to this guy? - We don't know this guy from Adam.
We've never seen him before at all. He's a total outsider.
I never saw him before in the bar at all.
His goddamn heart just stopped for no reason.
Not no reason. You gave him a hot pepper.
Don't... They don't have to know that.
- Never mind that! - It was a totally unrelated incident.
- Never mind that. - Who was that guy anyway?
Man, just like some random dude who walked in here off the streets.
- [Frank] Yeah. - Well, we are an open bar.
I thought he was, like, a jazzman.
I mean, he had a ponytail. He had a piano-key tie.
So I pranked him with a ghost pepper.
You'd think that a jazzman would be more accustomed to spices, you know?
- Right? You'd think he'd be fine. - Yeah, he just dropped...
- Here you go, Frank. One smash burger. - Oh.
It's about time.
Okay.
Ooh. Somebody dying or something?
Random jazzman.
Really? Just wandered right in off the streets? No reason?
We are an open, working bar.
Sorry. Wh-What's with the food delivery here?
Oh. I'm, uh, doing a Postmates thing as a side gig.
- On a bike? [chuckles] - [Charlie] Uh. No, no.
Yeah, no, sorry, uh. I-I mean, why are you ordering food from Dee, Frank?
You don't like the burgers that I've been making in the apartment?
What? I wanted a smash burger.
You don't think I can make a burger and smash it? I'll smash a burger for you.
What the hell, Frank? A 5% tip?
Pedal faster. It's cold as shit.
- [Dee] Goddamn it. - [chuckles]
They're taking him to the hospital.
Good job, guys! Good luck!
Yes, uh, great work, fellas. Uh, thank you for your service.
That guy's gonna sue the shit out of me.
- That's not good, man. - [door closes]
Hey, did anybody else get, like, a crazy rush from that experience?
I did.
[stammers] It's nice to have a little action around here, right?
The way those EMTs, like, fire in and they fire out with all the lights
- and the sirens, saving lives. - It's awesome.
[Dennis] You know, it's as close to playing God as you can get, you know?
And the lifestyle. There's an appeal to it for sure.
The lifestyle. Yeah, the whole thing is a vibe, and I am here for it.
- Me too. It's sexy. - [chuckles] Yeah, sexy.
You know that they bang the doctors and the nurses, right?
Of course they do. Of course they do. Are you kidding me?
The lifestyle is spicier than one of Frank's ghost peppers.
Mac, come here for a second.
Go with me here, but, uh, I'm sensing an opportunity,
and I'm gonna float something by you that I think is a
very reasonable proposition.
[Mac] Hmm.
[♪ theme song plays]
Oh.
Uh...
You're not cake, are you?
Nah. It's just a joke between me and the guys...
Uh... [mutters] Something.
Anyway, I came over here to say I'm sorry because...
Well, y-you know, actually, it's not my fault.
Well, sure, I gave you a hot pepper and you had a heart attack,
but, you know, I-I kind of attribute that to the...
you know, the jazzman lifestyle more than the pepper.
Eh? Just checking about the cake thing.
[chuckles] You never know with those guys.
Well, well, well.
The Lawyer. What's with the getup?
It's not a getup.
It's an eye patch from when I was attacked by a bird.
Gruesome. I wish I'd have seen that.
You did see it.
I don't remember.
You don't remember being present in a court of law
while a wild animal pecked out someone's eye?
Can you be more specific?
Oh.
I'll be more specific, Frank.
I'm here looking for clients, and I just found one.
You just admitted to causing this man grievous harm,
and I am going to take you down.
- I'm innocent. - You literally just admitted it.
- I was lying. - To a man in a coma?
- I thought he was cake. - Okay.
I'll see you in court, Frank.
Shit.
This is great, buddy. Frankly, I think we should've done it years ago.
Agreed. This is the perfect complement
- to our fast-paced lifestyle. - I think so too.
Plus, I really feel like we should know how to do CPR, you know?
Yes. Yes.
Hey. Uh, pepper?
And what do we have here?
Well, the incident with the jazzman got me thinking about peppers,
getting peppers back into my life.
You know? Peppers spice everything up
from... from tacos to talk shows.
[chuckles] That's cute.
- Yeah. - Yeah. Okay. I like where your head's at,
but I think really it's maybe a matter of dosage.
Like we-we shouldn't eat a whole pepper.
We saw what happened to the jazzman.
I'm thinking maybe microdosing is the way to go.
- Microdose. Explain. - Yep.
Well, instead of taking 100% of the dose 10% of the time,
we take 10% of the dose 100% of the time.
That is scientifically more better.
- Wanna try it? - Yeah.
All right, just take a little nibble.
Just a little... a little micro, huh?
Yeah.
Mm-hmm. And then we just need to repeat
- that dosage all day and all night. - Absolutely. That's good.
I'm getting a little heat, but it's not too much heat.
No. I definitely don't need more than that, know what I mean?
- No. I'm gonna need more in 15 minutes. - Well, sure.
[instructor] Okay. [chuckles]
- Speaking of spicy... - [instructor] How's everyone doing?
...things just got a little caliente .
[instructor] Hello, class, and welcome.
I wanna congratulate you all for making a decision
to pursue a career in this field.
[Dennis, Mac moaning, groaning]
Are you two guys all right?
- Yeah. - Uh, yeah.
Yeah, all good. All good. Uh, and may I, uh, compliment you on your uniform?
The snugness, uh, really accentuates your physique.
If-If that's okay to say.
Uh... It's not, but let's continue, huh?
Uh, if you don't mind, can we skip to the fun parts?
- You're not even letting me get started. - [blows]
Sorry. My, uh, my partner here, he's just excited to save lives.
Okay. Well, I applaud you for your enthusiasm,
- but let's stay on track here, huh? Now... - [Dennis moaning]
- [groans] Um... - Yes?
When I just referred to the gentleman to my right as my partner,
I meant in medicine, not in life.
In life, I am very much single.
[chuckles] That's great, but I wanna start this class right now, okay?
[grunts] Oh, God. I-I tell you, man, I think I got the dosage off.
I think I ate a little bit too much.
[chuckles] Less is more. That's on me.
- The what? - The hot peppers.
Uh, when do we cover the dosing, the pepper dosing in the class?
I don't know what you're even talking about,
but I tell you what, let's talk about CPR.
- Oh, I'd like to volunteer. - No, I don't... [chuckles]
- You're already getting up. All right. - I'm so sorry.
It's so much spicier than I thought.
Now, when we get to the chest compressions,
should I take your shirt off or should you take mine off?
No shirts come off.
Actually, I'd love to take my shirt off. I'm getting pretty sweaty.
- Can we start with the dummies, please? - Okay.
And hands go like so, and we want to start with compressions to the song,
♪ Ha, ha, ha, ha Staying alive ♪
- Let me give it a shot. Do you mind? - You wanna step in?
Actually, I'd love to step in here and see this thing.
- Sure. - Yeah.
- How's this? - Ah.
That's-That's-That's a little too fast.
And you see, class, I'm increasing the rate of compressions
to ensure maximum blood flow.
- Class, don't listen to him. - [chuckles] It's so hot!
Now, class, you'll notice I am still finding a rhythm.
That is way too fast.
[chuckles] Well, somebody doesn't understand double time.
You see, I'm pushing to a much spicier song.
Is everyone familiar with the Gipsy Kings's "Bamboléo"?
Ah! An excellent choice, very spicy.
Speaking of spice, I brought plenty of peppers for everyone.
[♪ "Bamboléo" by the Gipsy Kings plays]
Gosh, that damn lawyer is gonna jam me the hell up.
- Yeah. - [Frank] Hang on.
Maybe I should slip him a ghost pepper.
Yeah, well, that's a good idea.
All right, uh, chili flakes, please.
Wait. What?
[Charlie] I-I need the chili flakes, please. See them?
- Yeah, I see 'em. - "Yes, Chef."
- What? - Say, "Yes, Chef."
Why?
Because the stakes are, uh, very high, you know, this is high-stakes stuff.
Stakes of what?
The cooking! It's-It's life-and-death stuff, man.
- I need you to say, "Yes, chef." - You know what you should do?
You should cook up an extra spicy meal. Really, really spicy.
And I'll give it to The Lawyer. I'll trick him into eating it.
And then if he's not admitted to the hospital,
it would prove that I'm innocent.
Okay, what if he dies?
Win-win either way, right?
- All right. [grunts] - Oh!
- Try that, baby! [chuckles] - Good smash.
- Smashed it good! - Really?
You know how to do that?
Yeah, it's a brick-based medium.
- Look at that. - Yeah, that's my favorite part.
What do you think? Same as a smash burger, right?
- It's great! - Well, I added a little extra spice.
- Oh, yeah. I can feel it. - I've been microdosing myself.
- Hey, yo. Here we go, Frank. - Yeah, it goes right up.
Your smash burger.
- No, you're too late. - Yeah. Oh, sorry about that.
That's because I got smashed by a Prius. [chuckles]
- Ooh. Yeah. - [Dee] Whoops! Yeah.
- I need some shin guards, I think. - Yeah, looks bad.
[Dee] Yeah, it doesn't feel as bad.
Well, Charlie already made me one, so you get no tip.
- Charlie made you that? - Oh, yeah, yeah.
It's basically the same exact thing as that smash burger.
- Really good. - Ho-Hold on a second.
- What else can you make? - I can make anything. You kidding me?
Okay. Well, hold on. I'm-I'm getting an idea here.
- Yeah? - Yeah.
What if you help me spice up my job a little bit, right?
And we make this sort of a ghost kitchen situation.
We do it right here. I keep my work central,
but I really get to crank out the orders a lot faster.
Okay, I like it. I'll do this for you, Dee.
I will, but you gotta promise me something.
You gotta say, "Yes, chef," "No, chef,"
"On your left, chef," "Corner, chef."
These kind of things. It's gotta work that way, Dee.
- It's gotta work that way. - Why would I say any of those things?
'Cause we're cooking food.
- Yep, just food. - It's good.
Doesn't seem like that big of a deal.
It's the most serious thing...
- that has ever-- - Yes, chef.
- Yeah?
- Don't care. Yep. - Isn't that great?
Wait, wait, wait. Dee, before you go,
wanna spice up your bike ride with a habanero?
- Coming through. Coming through! - [horns honking]
On your left, bitch. [screams]
- [tires screech] - [horns honking]
[Dee] Yo! Look out. Look out. Look out. Look out, bitch!
Move it, boner.
Goddamn. Ooh!
[tires squeal]
[chuckles] Buddy, getting a refund on those classes
and spending it on a decommissioned ambulance was the way to go.
The illegality of what we're doing is spicy enough to get me off.
And speaking of spice, I think we should up the dose.
I think we should cool it on the peppers for a little bit.
I mean, you take too much of those things and you can go temporarily blind.
- Blind? That's crazy. No, you can't. - Y-Yes, you can.
[dispatcher] Zebra 3? Zebra 3? You anywhere near 2nd and Race?
Got a woman with an injury on the sidewalk.
Second and Race? That's like a block away.
- Yeah. - Maybe we should answer it.
- Well, here's one issue. - What?
- We are not EMTs. - Right.
[EMT] This is Zebra 3. We are 20 out. Go to closer unit.
[dispatcher] It's only a turned knee
and a run to St. Mercy's. I'm sure she can wait.
This is Flaming Pepper, new truck on the rotation.
We're only about a block away. We're gonna stop by.
[dispatcher] Roger that, Flaming Pepper.
I'll let her know you're on the way.
- [chuckles] - What are you doing?
I don't know. I mean, look, what could be spicier than answering a call?
Plus, it's only a hospital run. No big deal.
I am intrigued that it's a woman.
Pop a pepper and let's go?
You know what? Let's do it.
But let's-let's cool it on the peppers, all right? Let's be professional.
We'll-We'll take some peppers afterwards.
Professional. You got it.
[siren wailing]
- [Mac imitating siren wailing] - [chuckles]
[both imitating siren wailing]
That's probably enough of the...
- It's doing it on its own. - Yeah. Yeah.
- [siren wailing] - [EMT radio chatter]
[siren stops]
- [Mac] Ma'am? - How we doing over here, ma'am?
What seems to be the problem?
This crazy woman jumps the curb on her bicycle
yelling nonsense about hot peppers.
I think I twisted my knee. It might be sprained.
- Ugh. It's terrible. - [woman] Yeah.
Uh, ma'am, would you, uh, excuse us for one quick second?
- Come talk to me over here. - Yeah.
- Did you pepper up? - No.
- Yes, you did. - No.
- [sighs] Okay, I just had a little bit o-- - Goddamn it.
Now you're not microdosing anymore.
You've slipped into macrodosing.
- Macrodosing. - Yeah.
That's cool 'cause it's my name.
[grunts] All right. Damn it. You know what?
Give me a little bit. 'Cause I feel like I'm dipping a little.
Just a little, dude.
I'm not going to macrodose or anything. But, you know, a little something.
- Yeah. - Oh, God. Man, that is the stuff.
But it's a mild heat, right?
- Holy shit. All right. Okay. - Oh, yeah. It's good.
Let's save this bitch.
Uh, ma'am. [sniffles] I think what you've got there is a sprain.
Uh, you're gonna... [grunts] ...not wanna put anything hot on it.
- Or cold. - [Dennis] Yeah. Uh, nothing hot, nothing cold.
Yeah. Lukewarm, really.
Ma'am, you're gonna... you're gonna wanna keep that knee lukewarm.
You're gonna wanna take short, shallow breaths.
[both breathing sharply]
Oh, you know what? I gotta check her for a concussion
- because I feel like she's acting crazy. - I-I-I didn't hit my head.
- Just lay back and-- - [woman stammers]
Oh, God. [screams]
Oh, my eye is burning. Was there something on your thumb?
It's probably unrelated.
Uh, ma'am. You're becoming a bit hysterical.
Why don't I do some chest compressions on you.
You wanna pop that sweater off?
What? No, I need to rinse my eye.
Well, the sweater needs to come off.
- Yeah, let's make her unconscious. - Why?
I feel like this is becoming a whole thing.
- What? - Okay, ma'am, we're gonna get you
- to the hospital right now. - [woman groans]
Dude, this is incredible. I feel so alive.
[both chuckle]
She definitely wants to bang me, dude.
- [chuckles] Yeah, I think so. - Don't you think? Yeah.
[siren blares]
[♪ "Bamboléo" plays]
Yo. Order up. Let's go.
Let's go. Let's go. Let's go. Let's go.
[siren wailing]
Wow.
Whoo.
- Whoo! - Whoo.
- [grunting] Goddamn it. - [Mac] I got it.
- Hey. Wow, he's okay. - Hey.
- [siren wailing] - [meter blaring]
- [Dee] Move! - [pedestrian screams]
You dumb bitch.
- [horn honks] - Whoo.
- Yeah! All right. - [meter blaring]
These are the Chipotle burritos.
Chipotle burritos. Yes, chef. [grunts]
How's the spice pot?
Spice pot is
spicy but needs more peppers.
Peppers coming up. More peppers.
- Here we go. - I needed a "Yes, chef" there.
- Yes, chef. Yes, chef. - Yes, chef. Yes, chef!
- [meter blaring] - [siren wailing]
Come on. Come on. Come on. Come on. Come on. Let's go.
[Mac] Go, go, go, go, go, go.
[♪ "Bamboléo" continues playing]
[siren wailing]
I don't know. I don't think he's gonna make it.
- Looks like he's gonna die. - He's going in and out, isn't he?
- Should we pepper? - You want some pepper, sir?
Goddamn it. Hands! I need hands!
- Let's do it. Let's go. - [Mac] Go, go, go, go, go, Frank.
- Go. Put the burger down. Go! - [Dee] Come on, Frank. Come on!
[Charlie, Frank grunting]
Hot fries. Hot fries. Hot fries.
- [Mac, Dennis coughing] - [tires screech]
Sir. [sniffles] Are you okay?
I think we gotta do compressions, man.
Compressions, go.
Whoo! [grunts]
Come on. Pick it up, grandpa.
- Whoo! Oh, God! It's all seeds. - [meter blaring]
It's all seeds.
- [siren continues] - [Mac imitating siren]
[song ends]
- [Charlie] Order up. [sighs]
We did it, Charlie. This chili is maxed out. I mean, I gotta go.
Oh, what? What? No. [stammers] You can't go. Come on, I got orders, bud.
[stammers] I gotta go trick The Lawyer.
Come on, I need my expediter.
[Charlie] What? I'll be in here all by myself?
Come on, Frank, I need you, buddy.
- Hey, yo! There he is. - Oh!
- What do you got for us, buddy? - [Charlie] Oh.
- Anything for my first responders. - [Mac grunts]
- [Charlie cheering] - My guy. My guy. My guy. Hey! All right.
Whoo-hoo! [grunting]
- Oh, yeah. - That's hot.
[screams]
Getting high on your own supply over there?
- [Charlie laughs] - You mind?
Yeah. Well, I'm in the weeds, boys.
You know, I need it just to get by.
How's it going for you fellas? How's it going out there in the streets?
Highs and lows. I don't love the blood.
A lot of blood in my line of work too.
[chuckles] Well, there shouldn't be.
Yeah, but you get the finger. I got Frank once or twice.
- There really shouldn't be-- - It's life-and-death stuff.
Not really though.
- It is for the animals, I guess. [laughs] - [Dennis laughs]
I always feel like I could use a little more action, you know what I mean?
- [coughs] You want more spice? - I want more spice.
- [Charlie] Yeah? - Yeah.
Okay. I'm done.
- Pepper me. - Oh!
Bingo!
Dang, what happened to you?
Oh, bike got smashed by a crosstown bus.
- Smashing ups everywhere. - Interesting.
Hey, this-this-this might be the peppers talking here, but, um, go with me.
I'm sensing an opportunity to smash all of these ideas together...
[gasps] ...and really spice up our lives.
Now I'm gonna float out something that I believe to be...
[pants] ...a very reasonable proposition.
- [Dee pants, coughs] - [Charlie coughs]
What is it?
[siren wailing]
Okay, I got two smash burgers and a side of curly fries.
- On your left! - Oh, yeah, thank you.
- Thank you what? - Thank you, chef!
- Corner! - [tires squeal]
- [horn honks]
[both laughing]
This is the spice I was looking for, baby!
Oh.
Well, well, well. Hmm. New office, huh?
Popcorn ceiling, right next to the highway. This place is trash.
Mr. Reynolds, always a pleasure.
I wanna talk about a settlement.
I bet you do,
because if I were your attorney,
I would be begging for the same thing.
But unfortunately for you...
- Whoo! - ...I am not.
My depth perception is terrible.
Why?
Because of the goddamn eye.
What happened to your eye?
Are you serious?
Let's talk about this like gentlemen.
I brought you some chili.
Okay, I'm not eating that. I'm sure it's poison.
Besides, I ordered for myself.
No, my food's better.
And-And there's nothing the matter with that chili.
That is tasty chili.
- I-I promise. - Hey. Lawyer.
- Not now, Dee. - He Postmated. I'm delivering.
Okay-- I don't want any food delivered by any of you.
Oh. Guess what, bozo? I don't care whether you eat it or not,
but if you don't tip me, I'm taking out the other eye.
- Eat mine. - No.
I'll eat some first. Yeah.
- I-I got my own spoon. - All right, this is bullshit.
If you're not gonna tip me, I'm eating your lunch.
- Be my guest. I don't care. - What do you think about this?
[both moaning]
This is delicious.
- [Dee] Yep. - A little hot. Hot, hot, hot.
Mine too. Not-Not in temperature
so much as it's the tiniest bit spicy.
[both mumble]
Really enjoying this a lot. [pants]
- [chuckling] - I've got to take a knee.
Oh! Shit, shit, shit, shit.
[groans] How can you possibly make a burger so spicy?
[both mumbling]
- This is so hot. - [Dee] You've got to try this.
[The Lawyer chuckling]
- [Frank choking] - I'll share that with you.
[Dee] Call 911! [screams]
[dispatcher] Got a possible code W59 in progress at Snyder and Pattison.
- [Charlie] Pepper? - Pattison? That's like right here.
- Pepper? Pepper, anyone? - Oh, yes. Absolutely.
Yeah. W59? What is that?
- Oh! - Snake bite. That's kind of exciting.
Whoa! That's very interesting to me.
I've always wanted to suck out snake venom, you know this.
- Flaming Pepper taking the call. - Let's take it.
Come on, baby. We're taking the call.
- [Dee screaming] - [Frank choking]
Goddamn it. I'm dying.
Oh, come on.
What is it? What's going? You guys aren't snake bit, are you?
Dee thought that was the only way we could get you guys to come up here.
We said it was a snake bite.
- I was right. - [The Lawyer] Guys, this is wonderful.
I have absolutely no idea what the hell is going on here,
but I guarantee you it's going to help me in my suit.
I love watching all of you fail.
- Cheers. - [Frank and Dee panting]
[laughs] I got you!
- [Frank laughs] - What...
What's in that?
That is 100% juiced Carolina Reaper tea.
- [choking] - I got him. [chuckles]
[Frank] Got him. Reaper tea. [chuckles]
[The Lawyer] Somebody...
What's happening to me?
- [The Lawyer choking] - Are you all right?
We're getting close, guys. Almost there. Just hang on.
How we looking back there?
He's gonna die!
Bamboléo. Bamboléo. Bamboléo. Bamboléo. Bamboléo.
Dee, get those fries out of the fryer, stat.
It just hurts so bad. You're overspicing the food, chef.
What are they doing?
- Enough with the orders. - No, no. Just one more drop.
[Frank] He's gonna die! Order, order.
- [siren wailing] - [tires squeal]
[screams]
[groans] Oh, God. It burns! Oh, shit, it burns!
[Charlie] Goddamn it, Dennis. You have to yell "corner!"
- [pants] I can't see. - [Mac] What?
Goddamn it! I think I overdosed on the peppers.
I told you this would happen, Mac.
- [siren wailing] - [grunts]
I can't see. Goddamn it! Goddamn you!
[Charlie, Frank screaming]
[Dee] Oh, fuck!
- [siren stops] - [car alarm blaring]
- [gavel raps] - [judge] All right, all right, all right.
I've-I've heard enough.
Joyriding through the city,
serving food without a permit in an unlicensed ambulance,
all while impersonating medical professionals.
For what? Your own twisted amusement?
What have you got to say for yourself?
I swear there were other people there.
I was strapped into a gurney. I passed out.
Uh, they must have put me in an EMT uniform and-and-and fled the scene.
Thirty days, Philly Correctional.
Next case.
[♪ "Bamboléo" plays]
[song ends]