[classical music playing]
[scoffs]
[woman] Jesus, Michael.
You want to 'Gram with the shrine?
[woman] No, I'm, uh. I'm good.
[upbeat music playing]
Well, Kathleen.
- Welcome to the life. - [Kathleen] Mm-hmm.
Hey, sweetheart.
Kathleen, I'd love for you to meet my wife, Ava.
Ava, I'd like for you to meet my mortal enemy,
- Kathleen Townsend. - [Ava] Kathleen.
It is a pleasure to finally meet you.
Well, likewise. Likewise.
- Congratulations, newlyweds. - [Michael and Ava] Thank you.
A May-December romance really warms my heart.
Aww, that's so sweet.
- And you look wonderful, by the way. - [Kathleen] Thank you.
I think I recognize that outfit from season six.
Okay, well, I will leave the two of you to catch up.
Behave.
Congratulations.
Not bad.
I mean, a year ago, you were doing insurance commercials
with talking beavers. And now, now you have all this.
She have family money?
Oh no. Ava is 100% self-made.
She founded a discount online brokerage for women... She Trade.
So this is a treat.
After three years radio silence.
What is this? Some kind of 12-Step thing?
You're a rage-a-Holic? You here to make amends?
[Kathleen] No. This isn't easy for me, Michael.
I know that we have hurt each other in the past.
I know that I have hurt you terribly.
But I have to ask you for a favor.
Uh-huh?
I want you to do a play with me.
What? It's one night only. Regional theater.
Oh, but they have very deep pockets.
I think some of the donors are big Spooky fans actually.
They offered big money.
[sighs] What's the play?
The Ghosts of Pensacola.
Ugh. Listen, even 30 years ago, that mope-fest sucked.
Those were the best reviews of our career.
- It's a low bar. - Michael, do you know
that if you died tomorrow,
you would be remembered for Spooky and the Cop.
[Michael] Well, that's great.
That means I provided joy to a lot of people.
You are an artist.
It rages in your blood.
I know your soul.
I remember what the fire was like on that stage.
Okay, I think you're overselling it, darling.
The primal connection we had
before the success, before the feuds and the tabloids.
Oh, yeah, and the People Magazine interview
where you implied that I couldn't read.
- I said I was sorry. - It's still on my Wikipedia page.
There's a whole subheading. "Illiteracy."
Michael, I'm desperate.
Please, I'm begging you. I will do anything you want.
I will prostrate myself publicly.
But I need this.
Do you know what it's like for an actress of a certain age?
You go from mom to senator to dementia patient.
And... And I need the money.
Well, I'm sorry, Kathleen. The answer's no.
Okay?
But if you need some cash, I could, I could ask Ava.
Oh, fuck you!
And fuck you, bitch.
Fuckin' motherfuckers!
- Fuck! - [Ava] Jesus Christ.
- [Kathleen] Motherfucker! - Oh, God. [groans]
Michael, I keep asking you to keep your pills on you.
What if I'm not here?
- Ava... - Your heart.
It's just seeing Kathleen makes my blood pressure spike.
I'll get a massage from Jean Marc.
- [Ava] Darling. - [Michael] Hmm?
Perhaps you should reconsider.
I worry.
You know, my money, my career, all of... this.
You miss the limelight.
But with Kathleen?
Oh, come on. It was 30 years ago.
I'm sure you've both grown since then. Hmm?
You manipulating, lying shrew!
Oh, grow up, you're a kept man.
You should be used to taking direction from a woman.
There is no way I'm letting you direct this damn play!
Whoops, I am.
And you would have known that had you read your contract
or had someone read it to you.
Oh, okay, great. I'm in hell!
And get this dog off the stage before I kick it for three points.
- [dog whines] - Come here, Fosse.
[Rebecca] Um, could we possibly discuss
my character's clubfoot for just a moment?
Because I would feel, personally, a lot more comfortable
if somebody from the clubfoot community were advising.
- Oh, God. Really? - [Rebecca] Yeah.
[Kathleen] Just get out there and hobble, honey.
That's the lunch menu, sir.
I'll have a club sandwich with a side order of a gun.
Um, uh, and also, Harry, if it's not too much trouble, thanks,
could you get me a hibiscus tea, please?
With milk. Um, but not almond milk.
I know people like it, but I'm allergic
to all tree nuts and legumes, actually.
- Of course, you are. - [Rebecca] Well, no, I am.
So if those dog treats are peanut-based,
because they smell peanut-based and they say peanut butter on them,
I could go into anaphylactic shock, actually.
Hold on. What the fuck is that?
What?
That thing on your lap.
What is it?
My script?
Would you like a representative of the off-book community present?
You know, this is not a TikTok, baby.
This is my stage!
And you show up knowing your goddamn lines.
These fucking millennials.
Don't worry. You're doing great.
You've already lasted longer than John Stamos.
Where is my stage manager Bill?
- Phil. - [Kathleen] Okay, Bill,
we are going to run this play
the exact same way we did in 1991.
The timing on my trapdoor exit at the finale
must be exactly the same.
Well, we don't do trapdoor drops anymore.
It... It isn't safe.
There's a 15-foot drop down
to a concrete floor underneath, and union regulations state...
Okay, I did that drop every night for one year.
Frank Rich called it "effective."
Okay, well, that was a long time, uh, uh...
Say the word "ago."
- [gulps] - [Kathleen] Go ahead.
[whispers] I want you to.
[Phil] Um...
Um... I'll make it as safe as I can.
Don't knock yourself out, Phil.
[Kathleen clapping] Okay, everyone, come on.
We have four days to make magic happen here.
Places, everybody.
Places.
[classical music playing]
[Kathleen] Okay, people, to review...
Every time a military jet flies over,
I want everything on this stage to shake.
- Shake! You got it. Everything. - [crew member] Yes, ma'am.
Now, on the third flyover,
that is the cue for Michael's monologue.
If he can manage to hit his mark.
Is that big enough? Can you see it?
Okay. Now, Bill.
Bill, I would like to run through my monologue
all the way till the end till the trapdoor fall.
[quietly] It's Phil.
Yeah, we're ready! Everything's good!
[Kathleen] It was cold in Pensacola that winter.
Unnatural cold.
Frost that comes too soon and stays too long.
Maybe forever.
- The mist rises up and... - [clattering]
Don't move!
The mist rises up and covers your toes.
Then you waste.
- [door opens] - The waves.
They want to meet the clouds.
[footsteps]
The mother and child reaching out...
- [clattering] - for each other...
Oh, goddamn you!
- What the hell! - Hey, Kathleen.
Why don't you grab me some extra thousand island dressing
while you're back there?
Oh! [grunts]
- Son of a bitch! - Mats work.
- Hey. - [Kathleen] What?
I almost broke my goddamn neck!
- I'm done. I'm out. I quit. - Good.
You walk out now, you're on the hook for a $200,000 kill fee.
So maybe you want to talk to your wife about it first.
The one who pays your allowance.
It's worth every penny!
[Kathleen] You know, I'm not so sure,
because I think if she knew about all your dalliances,
maybe not so much.
All right. You want some mutually-assured destruction?
- Yeah. - I got you, baby.
- Bring it. - Because I'm working on my memoirs,
and I got a whole chapter about [whispers] Acapulco.
You signed an NDA.
Yeah, well, now I got NFs to G.
All right, I'll do your damn play,
but I tell you this, the doomsday clock is ticking.
And when the curtains drop on this play tonight,
you can kiss your career goodbye.
You might want to check your prenup.
Because tomorrow,
Ava is getting a little info in the mail about Chyna with a "Y."
I'm not bluffing.
I know. You're not a good enough actor.
[classical music playing]
[indistinct chatter]
[electrical buzzing]
Okay. Five minutes to call, people. Five minutes.
- Found it. - Thank you.
[Michael] I got you a seat right up front so I can see you.
Lucky me.
Break a leg.
Ava. Ava darling.
- I just wanted to thank you. - Sorry?
Well, I know that you convinced Michael to do the play with me, and...
I just... thank you.
Oh, Kathleen. Oh.
No, see, I knew that working with you would be
such a fucking nightmare that it would kill off
Michael's silly little acting bug once and for all, and voila.
- So, thank you. - [chuckles]
Psycho.
[bell rings]
That bitch's teeth don't even match.
The fuck is going on here?
Break a leg, Michael. Oh!
Better not let Kathleen catch you with those.
What is she going to do, fire me?
- [chuckles] - A man can dream.
[blowing raspberries]
[jets whooshing]
[audience applauding]
Tomcat?
No, that's a Phantom.
Don't know why they bother.
They say our boys will be home by Christmas.
[Michael] What are you afraid of?
[Kathleen] What will become of her?
I'm afraid that... that she has
too much of both of us inside her.
I'm afraid that she has a gunmetal heart.
Like you.
Summer felt like winter,
felt like spring.
Fucking hack!
Pathetic excuse for a man.
You ball-busting harpy.
Ow. Ouch. Ouch.
[Kathleen] Goddamn son of a fucking piece of shit.
- [Michael] You washed-up has-been. - [snoring]
[Kathleen] You pathetic preening prick!
You are such a failure.
You think you're an actress? You're a joke.
A lying, philandering failure.
The whole crew used to laugh at you.
Actress? More like hacktress.
[Kathleen] You impotent baby.
How the fuck did I put up with you all these years?
[squeaking]
[Michael] You shriveled prune.
Ah, ah!
[Kathleen] Not as shriveled as your tiny little dick! Asshole.
You vain, backstabbing hack.
What kind of god!
Bobby.
Bobby, I want my heart to soar.
I will dance on your grave.
I'll piss on your grave.
[Kathleen] It feels like a storm is brewin'.
Did you close the windows, sweetheart?
[window slides shut]
[Kathleen] Oh, baby, I saw the Crawford boy down the supermarket today.
He works at the base now.
- [indistinct dialogue] - [creaking]
[indistinct dialogue]
- [Rebecca] Stop it, Mama. - [Kathleen] Stop what?
Stop it! Just stop thinking that any man would ever want me.
[Kathleen] Oh, no, I didn't say that about your foot.
- [Rebecca] No! - [Kathleen] Oh, no.
They say that there are two types of men in Pensacola,
pilots, and the men who keep 'em up in the air.
And if you forget, they'll remind you.
Some folks say that that's why they fly their jets so low.
- Make us spill our morning coffee. - [jets whooshing]
Always looking up at the skies... In fear.
- [rattling] - Just to keep us in our place.
- [woman] Look out! - [glass shatters]
- [all gasps] - [groans]
[groaning]
- Michael! - Ava.
- Shit. - [Michael groaning]
[Ava yelps]
- [audience exclaiming] - [body thuds]
Ava! Ava!
[Michael screams]
- [man] Oh, my God! - [woman screams]
[screams] Oh, no!
[officer] I think we've got everything we need.
And again, I'm so sorry for your loss.
- Thank you. - Oh, I'll give you guys some privacy.
I just want you to know that Spooky and the Cop
made me choose a career in law enforcement.
Thank you. I can't tell you how many times I've heard that.
That was the performance of a lifetime.
You did it, darling.
We did it. We did it.
Come on, you threw a tip at a customer?
- You know what, it was a dime. - And you ate someone's bacon.
They were ignoring me.
You are the worst waitress I've ever had.
And I ran a Cracker Barrel in the Green Zone.
That last part was unnecessary. But thank you for your service.
Okay. God.
[lighter clicking]
[blows smoke]
[sighs] Well, as firings go,
hardly my best work.
[chuckles] Not bad for a matinee.
You happen to know anyplace else that's looking for a subpar waitress
that doesn't require paperwork or references?
Well, actually, half hours, good tips.
Mm, no benefits. Seasonal work, so it pays cash.
I can put in a good word for you if you're interested.
Well, that actually sounds pretty perfect.
What's the catch? [chuckles]
- Philadelphia - Yeah
- Am I helping ya? - Yeah
Who's your daddy? And by that, I mean
- Founding Father? - Franklin
- Who? Ben Franklin - You
It's no surprise I'm healthy and wealthy and wise
I've been struck by lightning
Anyone can see
A great big storm and a little old kite
Helped me find the key
This is hell.
I'm all about the Benjamin
- [lowers audio] - Benjamin Franklin...
[thunder rumbling over earphones]
[sighs]
[muffled singing]
[Kathleen] Okay, people, to review...
Every time a military jet flies over,
I want everything on this stage to shake.
Morning, Jer. Miss me?
[Jeremy] Shh! I'm listening to the tech rehearsal.
I'll take that as a yes. What is this...
[Kathleen on speakers] Bill! Bill!
...the big Magilla they've been working on all week?
That's Kathleen Townsend and Michael Graves
doing Ghosts of Pensacola here.
I'm losing my shit.
Hey, hey. No, that's not food.
It's a prop. Prop food.
- Respect it. - Well, this is... This is food.
- This is food. You're nuts. - Hey.
Listen up. No peanuts in anything.
The third banana onstage has an allergy.
It's our one-night-only gala event.
It's a sellout,
- and I don't get halibut every day. - [earphones beep]
[muffled] So I need everyone on their toes. Okay?
[thunder rumbling over earphones]
[inaudible dialogue]
[man] Wait. Charlie. No!
- [muffled dialogue] - [thunder continues]
[Kathleen] Oh, goddamn you!
What the hell!
[Michael over speaker] Hey, Kathleen.
Why don't you grab me some extra
thousand island dressing while you're back there?
- [trapdoor opens] - [Michael screams]
- What? - [Michael] Son of a bitch!
[Phil] Mats work!
- Bring me the Philistine. - [feedback squeals]
Oh, please, God, no, don't break another wig.
- Hey. - Now you listen to me.
When an actor is performing,
you don't sneeze, you don't breathe.
You don't dump fucking ice
in a fucking froze dispenser.
Okay, listen, lady, [stutters] I really... I just...
I'm just doing my job here.
What, do you think people come here for the food?
Well, yeah. I mean, kind of.
Uh... You know, I'm just a waitress.
It's not really my fault that this place came with a talking wall.
That stage is an altar
where we bare our souls in search of the truth.
Now you will respect that, young lady,
or you can hit the fucking bricks.
The truth.
Wow. Uh, yeah, sorry.
I just... I happen to know a thing or two about the truth,
so I'll tell you.
You got Patrick Swayze, Roadhouse.
Jennifer Jason Leigh, Single White Female.
Christian Slater, True Romance.
Truth, truth, truth. Now, you.
Uh, well, I did happen to catch a few words through the rainstorm.
And I'll tell you the truth, I didn't believe a single word.
In fact, I would say that that's maybe the biggest batch
of bullshit I've heard in my whole... Yeah, whole entire life.
[exhales] Jesus.
I get it. I'll see myself out.
I haven't been spoken to that way in 30 years.
Uh...
- Does this mean I'm not fired? - [Kathleen] Fired?
My God. What you're giving me is gold. It's fuel.
I live off it. I use it.
And you're lucky you took those earbuds out
because you're about to hear the performance of a lifetime.
I love your work.
- Hey. [laughs] - Hey.
You survived a face full of Kathleen Townsend, kid.
Uh, I mean, you seem like a normal guy, Phil.
How are you putting up with these theater people?
Well, you got to love 'em, and you got to understand 'em.
I mean, what Kathleen said, she's right.
What happens on that stage is a kind of magic.
And I get to see someone hit with it,
truly transformed by it for the first time every show.
That's probably why I keep doing it.
Well, you're a better man than me, Phil.
Well, everything I said and, but also,
Jack Daniels is my dramaturg.
[sniffs]
- Now you see, this - [Phil] Yeah?
Is the kind of pep talk I can get behind.
[chuckles] One night only, kid.
After opening, this is all over.
[exhales] To opening night.
[classical music playing]
[Ava whispering] Excuse me, darling.
Can you get me absolutely shit-faced?
Oh, you'll never see the bottom of that glass.
[Michael] You mean like you?
Summer felt like winter,
felt like spring.
Makes you miss the hip-hop Ben Franklin.
I didn't know what the seasons felt like...
[Michael over speakers] ...you washed-up has-been.
[Kathleen over speakers] You pathetic, preening prick!
Glad someone's riveted.
[Michael] ...actress. You're a joke.
Kathleen and Michael are fighting backstage,
and they forgot to turn off their mics.
[Kathleen] ...failure.
[Michael] The whole crew used to laugh at you.
- Well...You weren't kidding. - [Michael] Actress? More like hacktress.
Hold on, if we can hear this,
you realize who else can hear it, right?
[Rebecca] And I always ask myself, why, God, why?
- But Bobby always made me feel... - [Michael] Prune!
[Kathleen] Not as shriveled as your tiny little dick! Asshole!
[Michael] You vain, backstabbing hack.
Who's talking? Is that the ghost?
That's all I've ever wanted.
Oh. Feels like a storm is brewin'.
I saw the Crawford boy down the supermarket today.
He asked about you.
- Thanks. - [Rebecca] Oh, stop it, Mama!
Stop thinking that any man would ever want me.
- Kill me. - [Rebecca] Oh!
[Michael] There are two kinds of men in Pensacola,
pilots, and the men who keep 'em up in the air.
And if you forget, they'll remind you.
- Watch Kathleen. - [Michael] Some folks say that's why...
She's so present.
Look at her.
- Fear and anticipation in her eyes. - [jets whooshing]
Yeah, you're right.
This is the first time I've really believed her.
[jets whooshing]
Look out!
[Michael grunting] Ava!
- [Ava] Michael! - Oh!
[Michael] Ava! [groaning]
- [yelps] - [head smacks]
- [body thuds] - [people gasp]
[Michael] Ava! Ava!
[audience member] Oh, my God!
[Charlie] I mean, look, it's not your fault.
A woman fell to her death on my stage. How is it not my fault?
Because it was a crazy accident, okay?
I mean, just think about all the things that had to go wrong.
The light fell. Michael had a heart attack.
His wife ran up with his pills
after I poured her a bottle of the good stuff, by the way.
If any one of those things hadn't happened,
you and me will be outside by the dumpsters
ranking Christopher Nolan movies right now.
No, as soon as the curtain goes up, it's all my responsibility.
I guess I'm lucky.
All the cops had to do is check my thermos,
and I'd be sitting in a cell.
Come on. I know you.
It was just a little Irish coffee to take the edge off, right?
Yeah, that's what I thought.
Maybe I'm a lightweight now.
I know I checked that bolt and those pads.
It's the last thing I remember before...
[siren wails in the distance]
Oh, God.
[crying] Oh, God.
Oh, my God.
Jesus. Should you be leaving those out?
Baby, I'm an actress.
If I didn't have a bottle of Ambien in my dressing room,
people would ask questions.
Yeah, it's too bad about Phil.
It's not like he's in jail or anything.
He just went a little overboard.
Wow. You really missed your window for playing a femme fatale.
Now, I can remind the whole world what Kathleen Townsend can do.
And the world is watching.
What are you talking about?
We are trending, baby.
Right now, people are watching us.
They are really watching.
And I never got to deliver my monologue.
- No. - Yes.
One last performance. Tonight.
- No. - For Ava.
Fuck that.
What happened to we hide out overseas for a year
and then reemerge confessing our love.
- You wrote the script, baby. - I know. I wrote it.
- And now I'm flipping it. - No.
I'm flipping the script entirely.
Yes. Your tragedy is what drew us together.
It's risky.
Oh, baby...
don't you want to be together right now?
- Yes. - Hmm?
Don't you think we should start spending
some of that She Trade money?
- Oh, yes. - Hmm?
The spotlight's ours, baby.
Let's get it while it's hot.
[kisses]
[classical music playing]
So let me get this straight, a woman dies right in our faces
and instead of giving us grief counseling, we have to work?
Theater people are so strong.
I don't know, it just... It doesn't make any sense.
I mean, the dude had a coronary, and then his wife died.
Like, what doctor signed off on this?
Find a seat for Sheriff Ed.
He's some crazy Spooky and the Cop fan.
It's a sellout. If he doesn't have a ticket...
Give the lawman what he wants.
He just dealt with the richest woman in Connecticut
getting killed by a drunk stagehand.
- Oh, come on. Bullshit. - Thin ice.
Get out there and keep your job.
[sighs]
- [knock on door] - [indistinct chatter]
What do you want? Oh, don't worry about Fosse.
He's very well-behaved today.
So, I thought it was weird
that Michael was going over his dialogue for the show
since he didn't miss a single line in rehearsal.
So, I checked in his coat pocket and lo and behold,
this is not dialogue from Ghosts of Pensacola.
This is the fight that the two of you had
during my monologue.
The fight that you used to cover up Ava's murder.
Sweetheart, Michael and I are work shopping
a new play by a brilliant new writer,
and we're running lines backstage.
That might fly if I had seen the two of you backstage together.
But I didn't. You were gone.
And my monologue gave you just enough time
to sabotage the light and the trapdoor. So, you did it.
[laughs] You watch too much Dateline.
[Rebecca] No, but I have been watching
a heck of a lot of Spooky and the Cop.
And this exact thing happens
in season six, episode 11, Exit Stage Death.
You lazy assholes didn't even bother to change the dialogue.
So, um... Here's my price.
And here is my bank info.
So if that money is not in my account by the end of the play tonight,
[softly] I'm going to the police.
[in normal voice] Oh, and one last thing.
I killed that fucking monologue, okay?
So don't you ever upstage me again.
Fucking boomers.
Okay, what are we going to do?
We have to pay. We have no choice.
[suspenseful music playing]
[door opens]
[door closes]
[Fosee whines]
Just delivering the prop food.
Oh, I belong here.
Yeah. Okay, sir, prop food.
Jesus.
[man over radio] Ten minutes to curtain.
- Ten minutes to curtain. - [gasps]
Wow, Phil's pre-show checklist.
Oh, shit. I got to do the checklist.
[Charlie] Wow.
He ticked off the flappy door check box before the show.
- It's here. - [Harry] So?
If he secured the flappy door, that means that someone unsecured it.
That means it wasn't Phil's fault and it wasn't an accident.
Is anyone else besides Kathleen
supposed to go through that flappy door?
Her big trapdoor moment? Are you kidding me?
That means that Kathleen was the target.
- I gotta text Phil. - Oh, my God.
- Hey. - It's Charlie.
It wasn't your fault.
It was sabotage. S-A-B-O-O...
- That doesn't seem right. - The show is about to start.
Oh, my God, dude, dude, we just figured out
that someone is trying to kill Kathleen.
Now you're going to give them another whack at the pinata.
But the show is about to start!
- [knocking on door] - [door opens]
Oh, if it isn't my fiercest critic.
Are you here to give me some notes before my swan song?
[Charlie] It wasn't Phil's fault. He was framed.
So, I think someone drugged him and futzed with the floor door.
I mean, I don't know why, but I think you were the target.
Me?
You're the only one who was supposed to stand on it, so...
I walk across it many times and did not fall through.
My blocking is very vigorous.
- Okay, uh... - Look,
things happen in the theater all the time.
Entire sets collapse.
Live wires get exposed,
they electrocute actors.
But we persevere.
Hey, I... I'm so sorry. I don't think you're hearing me.
Someone's trying to kill you.
I'm not going to let you go back out there.
[radio crackles]
I'm already on.
Now get out of my room.
Wardrobe.
[classical music playing]
[audience applauds]
- [jets whooshing] - Tomcat?
No, that's a Phantom.
I don't know why they bother.
They say our boys will be home by Christmas.
[whispering] Cue 38.
[whispering] Listen, is that Phil? Give me that.
- Phil, Phil. Yeah. - [Phil] Hey.
Listen, [stutters] I don't get it.
I mean, the bolt must have been in place until Ava walked across it.
- Did you see anybody else down there? - [Phil] Nobody.
Look, Charlie, I appreciate what you're trying to do,
- but just let it go. - [Charlie] No can do, Phil.
I'm like De Niro at the end of Heat, man.
So stay tuned.
I need to see the video of last night's show.
Well, be my guest. Take the curse off me.
It's like the video from The Ring,
but with Phil gone, I'm the stage manager
and I have nothing to go on except this video
and Phil's notes from last night.
[Charlie] Hey, hey, hey. What is that?
Is that smoke?
[Harry] Looks like dry ice.
[whispers] Where do you keep this, uh, dry ice?
[indistinct chatter]
Fuck, fuck.
Ow! Ow! Ow!
[man] You okay?
Jesus. I... I got to talk to Kathleen.
Hey, wait. Stop!
See that? It's a sight line.
You can't cross it, you're in the play.
[Kathleen] Bobby was my unexpected gift.
Shameful as it was,
I loved him so.
He liked the stars that moved fast,
like his aircraft.
[Charlie] Hey, I figured it out. The bolt was dry ice.
Excuse me. That means that someone definitely trying...
The crickets are certainly very active.
You need to get off! Off the stage.
Oh, these crickets are wild.
- Off the stage. - They need to stop, the crickets.
- [Charlie] You need to get off the stage. - You need to stop now.
You need to get off the stage.
- Um, Garrett... - Jesus!
...what are you doing smoking that filthy thing in the house?
You'll give Daisy pleurisy if you don't watch out.
Mother, I smoke.
- [Rebecca] Does that shock you? - [groans]
[Rebecca] That's right. I smoke cigarettes.
- Your daughter, your little girl. - Thank God.
[Rebecca] It suits me. It calms my spirit...
- Hey! - ...and it eases my mind.
Uh, yeah, well, looks like we got us
a real smoker, Savannah.
Good for you, Daisy.
[whispering] Hey, what are you doing?
[in normal voice] I myself enjoy smoking by the window over here.
Let me go. Let me go!
Smoke is going to be the death of all of us.
I know what let's do.
Let's bake something together.
A key lime pie.
Like when you were a little girl.
I'm not a little girl anymore, Mama.
[Charlie] It was Michael!
His fingers are burned from the dry ice
he used to rig the floor.
There's supposed to be milk in here somewhere.
Oh, there.
Michael was on stage the entire time.
No, the chubby foot monologue, that was three minutes.
- He could have... - Our argument.
Everyone heard it. You heard it.
Now, what the fuck are you even talking about?
You almost caught the bus, lady.
That falling light saved your life.
...if I were a refrigerator, would you pay attention to me?
Exactly. And do you think he rigged the light to kill himself?
The light?
[Michael] ...watching life like his old man!
Why did I push Bobby? Why?
You only told him to aim high.
Isn't that what we all want for our children?
[Michael] Oh.
But when I saw him in those dress blues.
[Kathleen] Oh, that boy was born to fly.
Was he happy, our son?
Was he happy?
[Kathleen] Oh, baby, you and I both know that
Bobby was never happy
other than when he was up there flying with the birds...
If that matters. If anything matters.
I love you.
That matters.
The truth.
I love you, too.
Hey, hey, chubby foot.
Uh, we've got a situation here.
Who are you? Did you just come down from the lights?
It doesn't matter. So I thought
that Michael was trying to kill Kathleen,
but I was wrong.
It was his wife, and they were in it together.
Michael and Kathleen.
You see, they don't hate each other.
- They love each other. - Why are you telling me this?
- I'm about to go on. - Oh, because...
Excuse me. You can prove it.
You see, it was during your foot club speech thing.
He was futzing with the flappy door,
and she... She was messing with the light.
What was it? Three minutes, right?
Yes. But I saw the two of them backstage together,
so they couldn't possibly have done it, okay.
So, will you leave me alone? I have to go on.
Wait, why are you lying?
Wait, are you in love with him too?
Will you please leave me alone?
Are you a throuple?
- Shit. - [Rebecca] Mama.
Do you think Billy Crawford will come calling?
[Kathleen] Oh, I could call his mother and ask her, couldn't I?
No, never mind, Mama. Forget I mentioned it.
[Kathleen] I will.
Do you think there could be a sign or somethin'?
♪♪
[Fosse whining]
Fucking actors, man.
- Chubby foot. Very hardcore. - [Fosse barking]
shhh.
Quiet, quiet, hey!
Who wants a yummy, yummy little peanut butter treat?
Oh, shit.
Shit, shit, shit.
[Kathleen] Look, honey, I made you a little snack.
[Charlie] Oh, Jesus.
- Thank you, Mama. - [Charlie] Oh, shit.
Hey. Who eats the prop?
- Which actor eats the Chex Mix? - Rebecca.
No, they put peanut butter in it. They're gonna kill again.
Shit.
[Michael] I was so young.
Florida State was looking for a fullback.
Coach was scouting me.
You think I wanted to get married at 18?
[Kathleen] Do you think I did?
[clattering]
[audience murmuring]
Uh...
I am... I am a ghost of Pensacola.
Uh, and you are not here to eat.
You are here to talk about your chubby foot
and, uh, feelings.
Do not let your mother
poison your spirit...
and drive you nuts.
And now I will return
to the spirit realm of Pensacola.
Okay.
[spookily] Goodbye!
[scattered applause]
What, why are you looking at me?
- What'd I do? What'd I say? - Listen, Rebec...
I mean, Daisy. Listen, Daisy.
I had nothing to do with your mom...
- Mama. Daddy. - [Kathleen] What?
You already lost one child,
and you almost lost another one.
So now, the price of my love has doubled,
and I demand to see it immediately.
[whispers] Are you fucking kidding me? [in normal voice] Immediately!
Summer felt like winter...
How could you do that without talking to me first?
What? Oh, yes.
[feedback squeals]
- What were you thinking? - Someone had to do it.
[Michael] You're insane.
We could have paid her off. This would all be over.
Oh, don't be so naive.
She would have just come back for more.
[Rebecca] All I want is for my heart...
Hey, Sheriff. Never meet your heroes, right?
[Kathleen on radio] You spend years planning your wife's murder
to get shafted by a fucking' day player.
I will shove that peanut butter
down that Juilliard bitch's throat if I have to.
No. Okay, look, that's it.
We're going to pay her off, all right?
I'm going to call my business manager. He is going to have a fit.
[Kathleen] Michael, what the fuck is that?
[Michael] What?
What in the hell?
Oh... Shit.
We're fucked.
- They heard everything. - [beeps]
What do I do now?
We use it.
Showtime, baby.
I used to wait for that parade every year.
Independence Day.
For who? From what?
Bobby's real daddy went down over the Sea of Japan.
- [gasps] - July 12th, 1952.
- An aviator. - [thudding]
Why did you take Bobby?
He was better than me in every way!
[howling]
[Kathleen] It was cold in Pensacola that winter.
Unnatural cold.
Frost that comes too early
means to stay too long, maybe forever.
The mists rise up.
They cover your ankles, then your waist.
The sea longs to reach the clouds.
Mother and child reachin' out for each other.
When my sweet Bobby went up,
he always took me with him.
And so it follows that that day,
I, too, went down.
That cold winter.
This winter.
The mists up to the lashline.
Ice on the wing is mist on the ground, is tears.
The mist rises up, and I kneel down to meet it.
And so now, I too become
just another ghost...
of Pensacola.
[trapdoor opens]
- [applause] - [man] Bravo!
- [audience cheering] - [man] Bravo!
I'm just a Broadway Baby
Walking off my tired feet
Pounding Forty-second Street
To be in a show
- Oh - [audience laughing, applauding]
Broadway Baby
Learning how to sing and dance
Waiting for that one big chance
To be in a show
Oh
Gee