You know, it'd be great if you could warn me
before you drift like that.
I *** slammed my goddamn head into the window.
I said "hang on."
Ugh, you say that all the time.
"Hang on. I'm taking a curve.
Hang on. It's a speed bump."
I mean, at this point, it's meaningless.
I should be mad at you anyway.
The reason we got robbed is because you needed a piss break. Again.
Oh, come on! You also needed to pee.
You sounded like a broken fire hydrant back there.
You were listening?
It was so loud.
Bet that Vulture heard you from three states away.
What'd he take anyway?
Ooh, found it!
Are you serious?
You almost got us killed for a bunch of stupid CDs?
"Stupid CDs"?
I've been building this collection for a decade.
I have more memories in here than I do in here.
And I'll have you know,
good music is worth its weight in gold nowadays.
Let's see what other CDs this guy's got.
DMX, got that.
Dave Matthews Band, pass.
Hmm, never seen this one before.
Ah, it's pretty good.
I mean, you'll hate it at first, but it grows on you.
Especially track two.
Track two-- You know the tracks?
What? No. Shut up.
Should I toss it?
No! No, I mean, keep it. Or not.
I don't care. Whatever.
You know, we're not far from Topeka.
I can walk the rest of the way.
If you leave now, you could probably make it to New Chicago by nightfall.
A Milkman's job is never done until his package
is safely delivered to its final destination.
And, I'm sure your brother would have wanted that.
Besides, you think I'd come this far
and not see the fabled Topeka for myself?
Fine,
if you're dead set on it,
how about one for the road?
It was close.
Gotta follow through.
Like this.
That's what I'm doing. Like this.
Here.
To the end of our road together.
Mm.
Now you're just showin' off.
Sorry, John.
I can't have you coming with me.
Sweet dreams.
Loquacious...
loquacious...
Aye, you're a loquacious liar, aren't you?
***.
Come in.
Jamie. Ugh. Carl.
How's the search going?
We've yet to find the mapmaker, but we think we're close.
Talking about the Milkman and the four-fingered girl.
Where are they?
Uh, there's been no sign of them since they vacated the Dam.
When they pop up, we'll be ready.
"Pop up?"
Hmm.
So, pop up.
Huh... Pop up...
These two law-breakers ran rip-shod
through my largest outpost.
They killed my second in-command,
beat his brains out.
And you're waiting for them to "pop up?"
Are they pieces of bread, Roberts?
Are we making *** toast here?
- Sir, what Carl meant wa-- - Shut the *** up.
They defied the law. And they defied me.
Now, get out there and look for them
harder than if you were checking your lover for body lice.
It's actually my sister, sir.
We have the same--
I know what a sister is.
Look, I want their bodies hung
from the rotunda by this weekend.
Provide the people of Topeka
with some light Friday night entertainment.
What do you say?
- Yes, sir. - Okay.
*** off.
Here comes Sweet Tooth, here comes Sweet Tooth
Don't you run, don't you run
If you run, I'll find you Turn you into red goo
Ding dang dong, ding dang dong
Well, you look like a man who values top shelf entertainment.
Wanna see a show?
I don't care about your show.
I need to see your ORL. Now.
My ORL?
ORL what?
I'll bring you in.
I think I'll bring myself in.
I've really enjoyed this conversation, but let's...
Pull a pin in it, shall we?
Now, don't go touching that grenade. Very sensitive.
Hope you got some friends inside who appreciate the arts.
Did you hear how they found Shepard?
Killed himself, right?
Shit's messed up, man.
No, I heard a new recruit found him
half-naked, hand on his pecker,
head busted to shit...
with a sexy schoolgirl comic book next to him.
That's the most fantastic thing I've ever heard.
So, Shepard was a sex pervert.
I mean, I kinda see it. I do.
Right?
Oh, *** me, ham again.
I'll eat that shit.
Well, what kinda sides you got?
Hey Chips, and Puffy Cheetos--
Hey, don't you worry about my sides.
No, look, I'll trade you.
I'm not eating those peanuts. They're nasty.
Control vehicle approaching our gate.
is approved.
"Pick up after your pet?"
Jesus!
Damn, dude. This place is *** up.
Who would do that to a dog?
Separating a dog from his best friend.
It's kinda like me and you.
I mean, I mean, you were my best friend.
Not that I'm calling you a dog or nothing,
though you can be a mean *** when you wanna be.
Ripping out throats and shit.
That why we're here, little bunny?
Gonna rip some throats?
Nah.
I think you're gonna end up just like me.
Now serving C42.
Number's almost up, traitor.
Don't worry.
Somethin' tells me you'll fall fast.
First of all, weight doesn't equate to health.
Second, objects fall at the same speed regardless of mass.
Everyone knows that.
Except you, dipshits.
You're actually talking about terminal velocity,
which doesn't apply.
But if you take into account air friction...
Kelvin? What is it?
Machete.
Hi, everybody.
W-- Wait, wait, wait. Don't leave me.
I hate cops!
Oh, what the ***?
And scene.
So'd you like it or what?
Oh, wow. Applause.
Thank you. You are too kind.
It really feels good.
Ah, I've never seen anyone
cut off a human head and catch it as good as that.
Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah.
Oh, yeah.
What brought you here, young man?
Oh, just want to get out of the city.
Yeah, Topeka's gone to the dogs.
Nasty ***.
Ooh.
Down goes the zippy. Yippy!
Can I keep you?
Oh, shit! It's alive!
Where's the girl?
I, I, I didn't see no girl.
I, I just saw you laying out here all d-dead-like.
Practically begging for it.
Maybe I'll just put you back to sleep.
You looking for this?
Oh, shit.
You missed.
Shit!
Oh, yeah.
Guess that worked.
Quiet!
Jeez.
"Dear Jon."
What kind of psychopath spells John without an H?
"Sorry for poisoning you.
Oh, hope I didn't accidentally kill you.
But I did it to save your life.
The truth is, Topeka isn't what I said it was.
It's Stone's headquarters.
Killing Shepard wasn't enough.
Oh, by the way, I killed Shepard at the dam.
He was jerking off. It was a whole thing."
Didn't need that detail.
"At least you didn't have to see it.
Now that we're here,
I gotta make sure Stone pays for what he did."
I would've helped you if you'd just told me.
"I would have told you, but this isn't your fight.
Don't follow me.
Finish your delivery and live your new life.
Be the first Milkman without an expiration date.
Good luck."
That's actually pretty sweet.
"And go *** yourself."
Of course.
Well, I guess that's it then.
Jello Quiet...
or whatever the hell your name was.
Dude, what do you think they're gonna do to you when they catch your ass?
They're gonna kill you.
They always said you were the smart one.
Man, I don't know.
This was my idea,
you'd call me a goose-brained dunder***--
Oh, my God! Will you shut the hell up?
Like that works.
Thought you knew your brother better than that.
You're not my brother.
You're just... my imagination.
You got a *** up imagination.
You gave me the bullet hole and everything.
Is this how you really remember me?
Dope, right?
But imagine me like two feet taller.
And ripped. But not like too swole.
Just enough to show definition.
*** off.
You *** miss this.
I do.
Same.
I mean, being dead is a total buzzkill.
At least you had the Milkman.
Ugh. John was a giant pain in my crack.
Dude, I'm literally inside your brain,
and I know that's not what you really think.
I mean, I know you seen him with the shirt off.
Nice back, huh?
What?
God forbid you feel anything other than explosive rage for a second.
You died five days ago.
Rage is hard to ignore.
No *** way.
This dumb statue. Forget it.
"Forget it"?
They think he's a *** hero.
Who gives a *** what they think?
Officer.
Your vehicle's assigned to patrol duty.
Why you idling?
You gotta say something.
Silence will get you killed here, little bunny.
Oh, I was just admiring our boss, ma'am.
Yeah.
I don't, uh, recognize your face, Officer.
Are you new?
Transferred... recently.
Hmm.
She's onto you. You gotta leave now.
***!
Holy ***!
You're not getting out of here alive, you *** traitor!
Need a hand?
Oh, I found this one lying around.
So, you'll have to get your own.
Thank you.
Ah, don't mention it.
I really enjoy my work.
Hey. Hold this.
Okay.
And I'm gonna be back for that.
Hmm. Boop.
So, uh, what's your name?
- Stu. - Stu.
I like the mouth feel of that.
Stu.
I'm Sweet Tooth.
Put here there.
Nice to meet you, Mr., uh, Tooth.
Firm grip you got there, Stu.
Think you have a lot of fun with that.
You know, Stu, I got a feeling you and I are kindred spirits.
You think we're a lot alike?
You bet I do.
In, uh, in what way?
I mean, you're a big guy.
I'm a big guy.
Your name starts with S.
My name starts with S.
I mean, the, the S brothers.
Who would've thunk it?
Uh, something catch your peepers, Stubert?
Yeah.
I found Mike.
Who?
And Ikes.
You want some?
Ooh, yucky. I'm a Skittles guy.
Let's haul ass, Evelyn.
Make up some time.
Five flatheads on one lure?
Just a basic spinner?
Best day of my life.
They were really biting that day.
Best day of my life is gonna be
when I complete my collection of State Quarters.
My world went to shit before I could find Idaho.
But do you know what? I'll get there.
The union will be complete.
I think the spot's still there, Cliff.
Oh, there it is.
Agent Stone, come in. Agent Stone.
Be right back.
We got a one forty-six A.
A woman with a missing finger, sir.
What about the Milkman?
She's alone.
We have two patrol cars on her tail.
Don't worry. We'll bring you her teeth.
Ugh, Carl. No.
Do not engage.
It's time I made an example of her myself.
Caught. You gotta *** bail.
No, I can't leave until Stone is dead.
I mean the only one dead is you if you don't leave this *** place.
I died to give you a second chance.
You're throwing it away.
You're right. *** this shit.
That's right! That's the *** what I'm talking about! Come on!
Car twenty-two.
Come in, please.
What happened to your loquacious boyfriend?
Did he bite the dust?
I have people in position to kill you right now,
but I think I'm gonna give you a choice.
Although,
you remember how that went last time.
You can run which case,
we'll hunt you down like a dog,
or you and I can get together and have a little chat.
Turn around and we can finally settle this one-on-one.
Sis,
you don't have to do this.
Shut up.
Ah-ha. Good.
My men will show you the way.
I look forward to seeing you.
Aw, you remembered.
Thanks, Stubie!
So, where are you off to,
now that you're a free man?
Honestly, uh, not sure.
- Uh-huh... - After Seattle,
my friend and I were looking for a place of our own.
Uh-huh, uh-huh, uh-huh.
Uh, Shangri-La, you know?
Absolutely.
But uh, then when I got here he, uh, he threw me under the bus.
Oh, I've done that before. Crunch!
Never to a friend. Not a monster.
- Listen, uh, what you did today... - Huh?
Saving me like that.
It's, uh, it's the first time in a while anyone's had my back.
So, uh, thanks.
Well, hell. I mean, you're a reject. I'm a reject.
We gotta look out for each other.
I mean, you are about to head out into a dangerous world
where there are two types of people.
Those who kill,
and those who get killed.
I know you're no wolf,
but there is gonna come a time when you're gonna need to bite.
And even puppies have fangs, Stu.
That sort of thing is just hard for me, I guess.
I'm sure I'll figure it out.
Mm-hmm.
Well, I mean, maybe you could--
I, I don't know but,
uh, tag along with me,
and I could help you find your fangs.
- Yeah. - Huh?
You know what? What the hell.
- You mean it? - Yeah.
***, yes!
Get in there.
Oh, I got-- The S Brothers gonna paint the town red.
Whoa, you sit ***.
Harold's got shotgun.
Sorry.
So, where are we off to next?
Oh, I'm not really sure.
I mean, felt so freeing ripping into those Law ***.
And the applause.
Nobody ever cheered for me like that in Vegas.
You know, if you wanna chase that feeling,
there are outposts like this all up and down these routes,
- and all through the Midwest. - Hmm.
Each one of 'em is filled with captives just like me,
willing to get set free.
You save 'em and boom.
You have fans for life.
Fans for life.
Oh, I like that.
I don't, um,
I don't really have room for all of you guys,
so maybe you should carpool.
Fall back. She's mine.
Welcome to Thrills and Spills Park.
I came here every weekend growing up.
Got my first pickle-tickle on the Ferris wheel.
But do you know what my favorite was?
The Midway, because I love games.
Don't you?
Gotcha.
Peekaboo!
Say goodbye.
***!
Where do you think you're going?
- Shit! - Just me and you.
***.
See you soon, dude.
What the ***?
You look pissed.
Damn right I'm pissed. I only had one of those.
Told you not to come.
And when have I ever listened to you?
Come on, we gotta go.
Quiet? Quiet!
Quiet, come on.
No.
Come on, Quiet?
Quiet. Come on, come on.
Come on.
Quiet!