What was his name? Was it Bradley? No.
Paul? T.J.? No, nobody's name is T.J.
We were in our 20s and it was like he couldn't stop going down on me.
Maybe he was hungry.
Stop. Stop thinking about that. Stop it.
Be here with Steve. What did he just say?
I guess I'm a feminist?
I'm the only male journalist at the magazine
that the female editors want to work with.
I mean, it-it's fucked. Journalists can be monsters.
Overworked, underpaid, the burden of knowing too much.
- I'm sorry, I think we got off topic. - No, it connects. I'm trying to make a...
All right. I get... I'm confused, like, when I get interrupted.
Anyway, so yeah, I just think there's a little bit of a double standard here.
Molly and I haven't had an active sex life in years.
Since Molly's breast cancer diagnosis?
Yeah. I mean, we weren't having much se... much sex when you got cancer, so...
Because you said my bald head made you think about your dad.
But you don't have to take care of me now. I'm healthy.
I just want you to want me.
Please. Please.
And it's like, now she wants to again, and I'm the bad guy
'cause I just can't flip a switch and suddenly be Mr. Sex?
What?
Mr. Sex?
Uh, Mr. Sex probably doesn't refer to himself as Mr. Sex
if he's actually Mr. Sex.
Anyways...
Look, I know my wife. She's had a really complicated history with sex.
And I don't think... I don't think this is actually what you want.
I think there's some confusion here as to what you want.
Molly, do you feel confused about what you want?
- You wanna have sex with Steve? - To have sex, yes.
Shit.
With Steve.
But this isn't an authentic desire.
- It's the medication. - Tamoxifen.
Yeah, the drug that prevents the cancer from returning.
A side effect is decreased libido, but Molly's body is, like, an anomaly
- and it increased hers. - That's not a side effect.
Okay, but it is. Dr. Pankowitz said it's the meds.
Dr. Pankowitz is your doctor, Steve?
- Molly's. - Mine.
I put my phone in the technology tray, like we're supposed to.
- You can just turn it off. - Sorry, it's the hospital.
I just, um...
It's that hip thing I had checked... It's, uh... I'm gonna take this.
You can just put him on speaker. Molly, put him on speaker.
- Hello? - Can you put him on speaker?
- Molly, is this a good time? - Uh, yes.
Okay. I have the results of the biopsy on your hip
and, um, unfortunately...
Fuck. Fuck. Fuck. Fuck. Fuck.
Watch where you're fucking going!
Fuck.
- Hey, baby. You need a ride somewhere? - Hi.
Is this what it feels like to push someone off a cliff?
I'm sorry, were you busy?
Uh, I'm on my way to rehearsal.
Are you smoking cigarettes? What is that, menthols?
Oh, my God. Who are you? Are you my camp boyfriend?
What is this?
You know how I had that pain in my hip that wouldn't go away?
Uh-huh.
It's cancer.
It's back.
But you...
- It's been two years. - I know.
And you did everything that the doctor said,
- and you took all of their drugs... - I know.
- ...and this is still... Hmm. - It's not fair.
I don't want to die just when I'm getting used to my new boobs.
Stop. You're not gonna die.
I am, actually. It, um, metastasized to my bones.
- Mmm. - It's incurable.
Can you just give me one second? I'm so, so sorry.
- Hey. - I'm sorry, I'm...
Babe, it's okay. It's okay.
No, I feel like it's just gonna get a little bit bigger. Just let me...
I... Just kidding. I'm fine!
- Y-You are? - No.
- Oh, my God! What the fuck? - Sorry. I don't know why I said that.
- What the fuck? - I'm not doing a very good job with this.
- What are you doing? What is it? - I don't know how to do this!
I don't know how to tell you that I'm going to die!
Yeah, you're bad at this! This is a bad way to tell me!
I'm sorry. I'm so sorry. I'm sorry.
Oh, God.
You look so nice.
Like, if you're dying, like, why are you fucking weirdly vibing right now?
Like, glowing from within right now.
- Is this your natural inner radiance? - I don't know.
- I'm so fucking confused, overstimulated. - What is this? Is she drunk?
- No. No. I just told her that I'm dying. - What? No, I'm not drunk.
- I'm human having human emotions. - Why is her crying so loud?
This is how I cry!
She's an actress. Her emotions live very close to the surface.
Huh? Leave!
- Go! - No, I won't do that.
My friend is a paying customer!
She bought this fucking weird fucking soda from you.
- Yeah, I did. Good Value Diet Soda. - Okay, that's nice.
But that doesn't give you the right
to stand outside my store and scream like a lunatic!
Don't come out here and tell two people in a private conversation...
Look at her.
- No. She's nice. You're not so nice. - Do not fucking talk about her!
Not afraid. Everything out in the open. I love this woman.
Oh, my God.
I'm having a normal reaction,
and a deep experience that I don't even wanna fucking be having!
- So go inside! - The hell is... What the...
- Fine. - Mm-hmm.
- Stay. - Cool.
Just shut the fuck up! Please!
- He said we can stay. - Yeah. No, I heard.
You have to try this soda. The aftertaste is unbelievably bad.
- Oh, it's junk. - I know. I can't stop drinking it.
It's very bad.
When did you find out?
Twenty minutes ago.
- What? - In the middle of couples therapy.
- Molly, is this a good time? - Uh, yes.
Okay. I have the results of the biopsy on your hip
and, um, unfortunately it is not what we had hoped for...
It didn't feel real. I couldn't even hear what the doctor was saying.
I didn't feel sad, I just saw myself as a seven-year-old, dancing.
And this seven-year-old version of myself was being so mean to me.
She was really a jerk.
She knew.
She knew what I'd done with my life and was mad about it.
She knew that Steve didn't touch me anymore, and she got so sad.
Because I think that she could see that I've spent my whole life
being scared of what I feel.
And I was so fucking pissed at her at this point.
And also, she's a terrible dancer.
I got off the phone and I told Steve,
and he gave me this look of, like, pity, or...
I don't know. It wasn't pity, it was like...
I'll call the hospital.
We're gonna get through this.
Excitement.
Oh, fucking Steve! I wanna shove him into a bush.
If I'm sick, then everything is so simple between us.
Yeah.
He's the caretaker and the martyr, and I'm his patient.
- Mm-hmm. - And that means he won't touch me.
Oh, my God. Can he not see you?
If he doesn't wanna touch you, then, like, he's not well.
But I... Like, I support your marriage. Obviously, I support your marriage.
So I'm standing there, and I'm looking at him,
- and then all of a sudden... - Uh-huh.
...I get this flash of a memory of this guy who went down on me in my 20s.
I did not think you were gonna say that.
I mean, his head is in my hands. So vivid. I can feel his hair in my fingers.
- Oh, yes. - I mean, someone walked in on us.
I never even finished, but it was the best I've ever felt.
- Yes. - And I just kept thinking,
I don't wanna die without ever feeling that way again.
And then I run across the street to this bodega.
To this bodega? Like, you ran from therapy to here? Like...
Yeah. It's right there. Oh, look. That's Dr. Anne.
- Oh, my God. What is she saying? - I don't know.
- "Are you okay?" Are you okay? - No, I'm very bad.
Wait. Oh, my God. She's getting Steve. Shoot. Hide me.
- What? - Hide me.
Oh, um... Hold on. Uh...
I don't think this is gonna give you what want.
Oh, no. Oh, oh... I mean, make another choice.
- We have Steve. Steve's on the move. - Okay. All right. Let's go.
Where are we going? Just leave it.
- Don't leave! - Here. Go, go, go. I got you.
Thank God he doesn't jaywalk.
Oh, my gosh. Okay. Are you good?
Why am I so much bigger than I thought I was?
Wait, wait, wait. Just let me talk to you for a second.
- Drive! Nikki, please drive. - All right.
- He's getting closer. I can feel it. - Nikki, no! Nikki, no!
- I don't have a fucking push start thing. - Oh, my God!
- Like, I'll deal with it in a second. - Go up, twist, or...
It just sticks. Also, one other thing, just super quick...
- Hey, hey, hey. Hi. - Oh, my God.
Hold on just a sec.
- Just don't tongue me down right now. - Mmm. What? Oh.
- I mean... - Hi. Hi, Molly.
- Hi. - Hi.
Sorry. Didn't see you there.
Did Nikki tell you that she moved in?
Oh, yeah.
- We're living in sin. - Yeah.
Taking the plunge.
- Yeah. - Don't tell my grandma in Taiwan.
Your boobs are so relaxing. They're like a cup of hot tea.
I'm sorry. He's playing Mahler's Sixth with the phil tomorrow night.
I'm playing Mahler's Sixth tomorrow!
Don't ever ask him about Mahler
because he starts whispering in a really weird way.
Are you telling her how I'm horny for Mahler?
You guys are living together already? When were you gonna tell me?
- I love him. - You just met him.
It's been, like, three months. I think?
- Is he being nice to you? - Yes, he's being nice to me,
and I'm being nice to him.
This is why I didn't want to tell you.
- Sorry. Sorry. - Please don't be weird.
Just tell me to fuck off.
Fuck off.
It's good. It's different.
He doesn't vampire off my self-esteem or sell my shoes on the Internet.
Noah's the most normal guy that I've ever had amazing sex with.
Look at that. Look at that.
But you have amazing sex with everyone.
Mmm.
You once had an orgasm on the subway just from listening to a podcast.
- Yeah. - Was it true crime?
I think it was The Daily.
- Steve hasn't touched me in three years. - What? No.
How is that even possible? I didn't know it was that long.
I mean, my tits were full of cancer,
and then with the chemo, I had diarrhea for about a year.
But still. Like, you're you. You.
Probably Steve.
But the worst thing is he's gonna forgive me for this because I'm his sad, sick,
unfuckable wife.
He's the one who's gonna save me.
There.
Not yet.
Um, are you gonna tell Gail?
What's Noah's Wi-Fi?
TimpaniTime45. Are you going to tell Gail?
She's on a trip. Can we make fun of that password, please?
No. Where? Where is your mom on a trip?
- She's north. - You're lying.
Yes, I am. Will you tell me more about the play?
No. No. Please don't do your thing. Just talk to me.
Why are you hiding from Steve?
Why don't you wanna tell your mom?
She loves you.
- She's gonna need to know-- - Stop!
I'm making you soup.
- The good kind from the packet? - Mm-hmm. I know what baby likes.
That is why I haven't called so much.
It is this big Shakespeare production. It's, like, this is it.
This is what I've been hoping to do
ever since I was a kid pretending that I wasn't from New Jersey.
It's not a big deal. Please, you don't have to call me every day.
No. It's not fine. It's not. It's not fine.
You've been like this since you were 22, you beautiful flake.
I just... Yeah, I get really caught up in work and...
- What's that like? - No. Fuck that.
You do everything for Steve. You organized his whole stupid book.
It wasn't stupid. It was a Pulitzer finalist.
Well, nobody bought it because it was so fucking depressing.
Well, it wasn't supposed to be fun. It was about climate change.
Pfft. I couldn't shit for a month after I read it.
I was too sad to shit.
Okay, you know what? That's Steve.
- He's been texting me. - Not yet.
Dad, get the door.
Hi, Winter. Hi.
This is Winter, Noah's daughter.
She stays here on Wednesdays, which is great.
And, Winter, this is my friend Molly.
Dad?
- Yeah, look at my body right now. - Dad.
I'm, like, afraid of her. But she's really sweet.
- I didn't hear that. - It's like I'm a dork. I am cool.
- I am cool. - Okay.
- Hi, wait. Hold on. Don't get the door. - Okay.
- It's Steve. We're not doing that. - Oh.
- Oh, did he cheat on you? - No. She doesn't wanna talk about it.
My cancer is back, and it's not curable.
Oh.
- Oh, my God. I'm so sorry. I had no idea. - It's okay.
No cancer pity face.
- Molly. - I let him in. What? What's happening?
Sorry to barge in like this. I just--
Is she dying of cancer?
- Oh, my God, baby, I don't think-- - All right, Molly, let's head out.
I forgot how hot he is when he's mad and wearing a blazer.
Hello? What's going on?
I'm sorry. She's not dying of cancer. It's just incurable.
How is that different than dying?
Stop saying "dying."
Is there any way you could stop saying "dying"?
Are you guys smoking in here?
Are you smoking in here?
- Oh, come on. - Who are these people, Dad?
- Molly. Let's go. - This is why I don't wanna live with you
- and your random-ass girlfriend. - Whoa, yes.
- Nikki is not random-ass. - No. I am random.
- Yes. - This is happening fast, but I love her.
We're drinking soda too? Great.
I have to study for the PSATs. I can't deal with cancer.
- I think we should talk about it. - I don't wanna talk about it.
Smoking? And having stressful emotional interactions.
That's... This is perfect. This is exactly what we need.
Can we go?
Oh, you're so disappointed in me. It's so hot.
None of this is appropriate right now.
I'm always doing the wrong thing and you hate it.
It's a great environment for you right now.
Hey, Steve.
Nikki.
I called the hospital.
They want you to meet with a palliative care social worker
after our appointment with the doctor tomorrow.
Just to help with some of these big emotions you're having.
We're done.
Look at this. Can't even recycle it.
I'm making you juice.
You remember when you used to fuck me?
Like, really fuck me?
You'd take me to parties with all your friends,
and you'd talk about books I never read.
And I'd get insecure, and I'd pick a fight.
You'd have to take me home.
My priority right now is keeping you alive as long as possible.
Which means no caffeine, no sugar, no green drink.
We're gonna start a food diary. We're gonna set a bedtime.
Molly. Molly!
Do you not wanna live longer?
I wanna blow you.
Okay.
- I'm sorry. - It's okay.
It's okay.
What if that's the last time I have sex?
Half a blow job that made him cry?
It's okay.
- It's just your boobs. - What?
When I touch 'em, it makes me think of the mastectomy,
and then I think about losing you.
- My boobs make you think about death? - Yeah.
I just don't understand, like, what is this all about?
Like, wha-what is this need of yours to blow me?
'Cause it's a little weird considering what happened to you.
I'm sorry, but just, like, your childhood trauma...
You say trauma like "traw-ma"?
- It's a... W-What do you mean? - Say it.
- Trauma. - "Traw-ma."
Yeah. That's how you say it.
Jesus! Fuck! I'm just saying, what I'm...
The first time you got cancer, it re-traumatized you.
And then, like, this recurrence is gonna probably add to the trauma.
You're just deflecting.
You're deflecting, and you can't even talk about it.
My mom's boyfriend made me give him a blow job when I was seven.
- There. I talked about it. - But you haven't processed it.
- I don't... What does that mean? - You know what it means.
When do you know that you've processed your childhood?
You know what it means.
I have an interview with CNN in ten minutes.
I tried to reschedule it but they wouldn't let me.
Who are you?
Do you know anything about me?
Um, can you get the interview with the... with the family with the... with the baby?
Yeah.
Did I do this? Did I stop you from knowing me?
Are you the last person I'll see before I die?
Is this sweater... Does it give me a little pooch in the front?
All right. Well.
I, um...
I just wanna say, I'm sorry. So...
Well, thanks, Dr. P. Appreciate that.
Say something.
I know we got a long road ahead.
I guess I'm wondering how soon you think you'll have a treatment plan.
- Soon. - What do you want?
What do you want right now?
Well...
Say something. Say something.
...possible for Molly to come off the Tamoxifen now?
- Yeah, we could do that. - Side effects have been rough.
- What side effects specifically? - Stop it. Stop it. That's not...
What?
It's not yours to...
He's my doctor.
- Okay. - Sorry.
I think we're still reeling from the stage four of it all.
- Stop it. Stop it. - What?
- It's my life. It's my death. It's mine. - Okay.
- You know, maybe I should just-- - No, you can stay.
Oh...
- Okay, are you trying to hurt me? - No. It's not about you.
This is about what I want. This is about how I feel.
And I wanna feel things. I want to feel things.
What does that even mean?
I don't need to have this conversation.
I don't need palliative care.
I'm not gonna die tomorrow.
Well, palliative care is all about how you want to live with this.
Well, I'm here for psychological support, pain management.
And when you're actively dying, I'm here for that too.
Hey. I know it's cheesy,
but... ...everybody has a bucket list.
I tell patients to dream big.
You know, climb a mountain, eat something spicy.
- You know, roller-skate. - I have cancer in my bones.
Well, it doesn't have to be roller-skating--
You think if I learn to fucking roller-skate--
- What about whales? - Look--
Have you ever seen a whale before?
I'm too young, and it sucks, okay?
I haven't done anything with my life.
I actually don't know what I like, or what I want.
I've never...
I've never even had an orgasm with another person.
And now I'm going to die.
Good.
Molly.
Hey.
We have something for your list.
"Orgasm with another person."
Yeah?
What is that?
Oh.
You know, I like to have a little leather on me.
Ask her.
Are you into leather?
I like to be hog-tied.
Like, hands and feet?
Like, legs together.
What does that feel like?
Thank you for not asking if it hurts.
It's...
It's very intense.
Does that kind of thing speak to you?
You know, because you could start exploring.
Molly, there's a whole world out there.
If you want it.
I think I just left Steve.
Okay.
I told him I don't wanna die with him.
Oh.
Oh, shit. Okay.
I wanna die with you.
But it's okay if you can't.
If it's too much to...
Yeah. Let's do it. Die with me.
Yeah.
Thank you.
Sweetie.
Oh.
Jesus Christ!
I felt that in my fucking asshole, okay? This is a fucking hospital!
- Go somewhere else to honk your horn. - Hey. Move your car, please!
Sir, I'm talking to my friend who just left her husband.
- So just give me one fucking second! - Cry me a fucking river!
- Jesus Christ! - Move your car! I need to get home.
I'm being appropriate. I'm with someone at the hospital. I'm not honking.
- I'm not yelling at people. - Cry me a river. Move the car.
I'm a person doing the thing that people are doing at the hospital
- other than being sick. - You know what? Fuck it.
- I'll move it myself. Ah, fuck! - What? Don't get up. Oh, my God!
No. Just stay there. I'm sorry. I don't...
Go, go, go!
Fuck you! You started this! You're a fucking dick!
Just get in. Get in. Go.
Get in. Get in.
Drive.
♪ I see you there Rejecting all your earthly power ♪
♪ I wanted to see you naked, I wanted to hear you scream ♪
♪ Wanted to kiss your skin And your everything ♪
♪ You turn me inside out And then you want me outside in ♪
♪ You spin me all around And then you ask me not to spin ♪
♪ You say you wanna be alone And you want children ♪
♪ You wanna be with me You wanna be with him ♪
♪ You give me chills I've had it with the drills ♪
♪ I'm nothing, you are nothing We are nothing with the pills ♪
♪ I am empty till she fills Alive until she kills ♪
♪ In her vampire empire, I am ♪
♪ Falling, yeah ♪