Are you sure?
100%
After she finishes practise
it will your sister-in-law Omwati Sharma's turn.
That Unnati Sharma.
You should've checked her name, bumpkin.
Now watch...
They'll go straight to the canteen from here
get two packets of rice cake and doughnuts.
Then take a power nap in Unnat's room.
Then exactly 7 1/2 minutes later she'll open her window
and then close it back again when she sees the guy on the terrace with the binoculars.
The rest is still a mystery.
And another thing
if you propose today, you'll get screwed.
That's right.
Never propose to a girl on a Saturday.
Don't listen to him.
She smiled at you, didn't she?
So don't waste any more time.
I see...you're going to propose to her because she smiled.
And wearing this sport's jersey.
Even Virat had to wear Manyavar's clothes
to impress sister-in-law Anushka.
He is right.
And I do have a bridal suite. But no turban.
I think you should introduce yourself to her when she comes here.
I see... Come here.
Give your intro.
Imagine...I am Unnati Sharma.
I am wearing a shirt and a crop top.
My blue streak hair is waving in the air.
Even my perfume is intoxicating.
There's Russian red lipstick on my lips.
and right now a sip of slice...
Okay, fine. You guys are getting too emotional.
Fine, let's shake hands.
Are you going to shake hands like this? Asshole.
An impressive handshake only lasts for three seconds.
Just three seconds.
Not a small one like the friend zone
nor creepy like four seconds.
One, two, three...
Hi. Unnati Sharma.
- Myself Rupes Bhaati. - That's me.
Now you know how prepared you are.
Go and propose now.
Bro, I think you should practise today
and give your intro tomorrow.
Thank god I stopped you two
otherwise, it would've been really embarrassing.
For you two.
Now get lost.
Time for my Gita-Babita to arrive.
Where are you?
Come on, champ.
Come on, come on, you can do it.
Nice bowling, Nice bowling.
Jhantoo is a bastard
but he always takes care of his friends.
Just like that Mark Zuckerburger.
That's Mark Zukerburg.
Next.
Unnati's here. Unnati's here.
Who is she waving to?
One, two...three...
That's the impressing handshake.
We let him scratch our back but he stabbed us instead.
Rupes Bhaati.
First, you come late and then you ogle at females...
Disgusting.
You play cricket for your college, not the Indian team.
Now go rotate the ground for three rounds.
In circle.
Ears on your hand.
Sir, can I be the umpire? I can stand in the sun for four hours.
Every batch has one girl which everyone has a crush on.
Everyone!
Here, bro-code is given more importance than make a code.
What happens in cricket?
When the batsman hits the ball high up in the air
the fielder screams "mine" before taking the catch.
And all the fielders move out of his way to avoid a collision.
But here, one screamed "mine" and the other's going for the catch.
So collision is inevitable.
Catch. Catch.
- Jaat. Jaat. - You betrayed your friend for a girl.
And I thought Ankit would be the one to betray me first.
Jhantoo never betrays everyone.
I've a bad sperm count, not intentions.
Get lost.
I knew about your intentions
when you were searching for 'bhabhi' on Xvideos.
They all sell oil to increase the size of the dick.
It doesn't work.
My friend bought one.
Look, you don't even like her.
Stop following her.
Chirag, I feel you're more intelligent and have more knowledge about girls.
You say.
Jaat, if Unnati has chosen Jhantoo over you
you should respect their feelings and give them your blessings.
You're a dickhead! You know nothing about girls! Sit down!
I saw it myself. She smiled at Jaat first.
His moronic face is bound to make one laugh.
I'll punch your teeth in.
I'll shove you back in the hole you crawled out of.
Guys, guys, guys! Let's not fight over a girl.
Always remember. Bros before hoes.
Meaning, don't let a girl come between two friends.
Right.
- Between friends. - Get lost.
Asshole.
Can't even clean their teeth and they want to fall in love, dickheads.
Can you get it up or do you need a guy for it?
- Unnati loves you. - I know.
It's okay. It's okay. These things happen.
It happens.
- Don't be so serious. - It's okay.
I'll just go and say I love you.
Don't be crazy.
She won't be convinced this way.
You're right.
I'll threaten her that I'll slit my wrist.
What if she says no?
And if you don't slit your wrist then no one will ever take you seriously.
I won't do it myself. I mean...
We must think like girls and not guys.
Yeah...
Then it won't be much of a trouble for you.
What do we need to do?
Why do you say that?
I am standing out here with you, Chirag's still inside.
This is not how it's done. I'll tell you.
Some are good on the inside while some on the outside.
You are neither.
Your chances of impressing a girl on this campus
is as slim as your CGP.
One...
You've only one chance
to make her fall in love with you.
And to make love to you.
Look Doremon, I always got high and fell in the gutter
but never a vile thing like love.
I am a one-woman man...per night.
What do you mean?
I mean asshole, you guys
start weaving dreams of marrying the girl as soon as you like her picture
and that's enough to make you pre-cum.
Losers.
We're just got talking now. Let me play it cool.
My wife sent a message!
Have you seen Partner?
Salman says if you want to impress the girl
then first impress her friend.
- What good is that? - Imagine...
What's her friend's name?
- Charu. - Exactly, Charu.
If Charu's onboard
then she'll tell Unnati about your qualities.
Unnati will be impressed.
Then all you got to do is go to her room when the time's right
and bring sister-in-law home.
You mean to say I should walk crooked instead of a straight line.
Are you a man or google map?
I should slit my wrist.
Crooked walk is allowed in love and war.
It's a good one. I should note it down.
But how do I talk to Charu? She's busy on the ground all day.
Then use the sports quota.
Go teach her some sport.
That will get you two talking.
It's what normally happens in Hindi films.
Your bro can even do the impossible.
But what about Jhantoo?
What about him?
Don't worry about him.
Have you seen how dirty and lowlife he is?
There's no way he can impress her.
We're going to meet tomorrow
and she likes good boys.
So if you may excuses, fuckers.
I have a date to attend.
It's been centuries since I last used you.
It's covered in dirt.
He's bluffing.
Doesn't matter. I've seen many Hindi films.
The girl always gets impressed by the hero in the end.
And I'm nothing short of Salman Khan.
In this case, I am Salman Khan and you're Govinda.
Sister-in-law's coming.
Hey...
- Sorry I am late. - It's okay...
Actually, I am early.
I've a habit of reaching early wherever I go.
Even in a slow-cycling race, I reach the finishing line early.
Actually, I thought...
You should take care of your hands, my heart's already pretty clean.
Jhaantoo bro, can I borrow a fag?
Even you started smoking?
Yes, there's so much exam pressure...
Two chapters in a day, so I smoke two in a day.
And I share one during exams.
- Thank you. - Listen...
this is the first and last cigarette of the day.
- Okay. - Thanks, Jatin.
- Come on, get out. - You're very nice.
May God give everyone a friend like you.
And only one boyfriend.
- You're a one-woman... - Okay, fine. Get out.
I won't let my friend throw away his life
even if I've to sacrifice my cigarettes for it.
But you gave him your cigarette.
I want to quit. So I don't carry one.
I won't throw away my life either
even if I have to sacrifice my friend for it.
You're not like what your friends say about you.
Actually...I am like Zalim Lotion.
The product is awesome but the packaging is bad.
What do they say about me?
Don't give anything to Jhaantoo asshole if he doesn't pay
He's jealous of me.
Because he owes me money.
Although there are many conspiracy theories about me in the hostel.
Are you part of some WhatsApp group?
What?
Come, let's take a walk.
I've never felt the breeze like this before.
Seems like my soul's sent me a friend's request.
No more drugs, guys
because your bro is high on love.
Forget them. What about you?
Did you meet Charu?
I did.
She's got a lot of attitude.
She reminded me of my grandpa's dick.
Don't use such words about your grandpa.
Is he alive?
He's dead. He got HMV AIDS.
So what happened when you met with Charu?
Charu.
Your service is weak like my grandpa's knees.
You know what, you should start practising with me.
Your game will become stronger.
After all, I've played for district level.
And girls always benefit from being around boys.
I'll also make you my friend.
And she said...I've played for National.
You can ask me for help if you want.
And in return, I'll teach you some manners.
So she's independent.
Why don't you ask for her help instead?
I see...if we still need women's help in the 21st century
then what progress have men made so far?
I can't do this.
My better half's called me again tomorrow for a meeting.
I think I should also use the conditioner along with the shampoo.
Oops...that's a spoiler.
Come, Rakhi. Scrub my back.
Lick his ass too.
Look, bro, I'll ask for help.
Just don't tell me to apologise.
It's okay.
Don't do it again.
Do you know how to play this Rahul-Anjali game?
Yes.
You don't?
Only the English medium guys used to play this in my school.
So?
Don't demean yourself if you don't know English.
Language is just a medium.
No, my game was so pathetic that no one ever selected me for their team.
Will you teach me?
Please.
I should've rather gone to Mumbai to meet Divine's mother.
You're a playboy, aren't you?
I've heard a guy can't last too long first time.
It often happens when you're nervous. I won't tell anyone.
I hope you did or else I'll get embarrassed.
The people here are humans too.
They just have a bad reputation.
Scholars dickheads.
Hey, what's up?
Silence.
Why do they need such pin-drop silence?
One can hear a child crying even at a funeral.
I like it.
By the way, how do you spend your time?
Alone or with friends?
Alone?
Lying around in my room.
And with friends?
We lie around in the room.
By the way, are you all singles?
Yes...I mean so far we all are.
Silence.
Okay.
This is so tough.
It's easier to dunk something in the dumpster.
No wonder Hrithik needed the help of an alien to win the match.
Are we friends now?
Yes. In a way.
Great, We should know everything about each other.
Your likes, dislikes, your room number.
What?
So we can meet.
We're not so close yet.
And anyway, I spend my day practising.
The next torchbearer for the country.
Hello.
This isn't the kind of question for general knowledge.
I mean if you go to your local shop and ask whether he has cigarettes
means you want a cigarette.
I do.
Meaning she wants one too that's why she asked.
Like I said some guys are good on the inside and some on the outside.
Unnati is both.
So true. So true. Breaking news.
Unnati has called me tomorrow for an important task.
Important task?
And she's asked me to wear something comfortable.
Comfortable.
I feel so embarrassed, you know.
I don't get it.
He is definitely lying.
When is Charu introducing you to your sister-in-law?
I just can't strike a conversation with her.
We spend the entire day on the practice game.
Why don't you play an indoor game?
I don't know what people in Indore play.
I mean Ludo, Chess...
Uno.
Something where you two can sit comfortably and chat.
If I had to rack my brains wouldn't I've focused on studies instead.
Why would I get into sports?
Jaat, not everyone is a peabrain like you.
She will teach you.
I'll note this down too.
You don't know either.
If I had to rack my brains wouldn't I've focused on studies instead.
Why would I get into sports?
Extremely.
Extractly.
Yeah, that one.
I wonder why people call me dumbbell brain.
Donation.
You too. 1.5 million?
Sports quota.
Shall we google this?
Why did you call me here if you don't know how to play?
I wanted to strengthen my friendship with you.
So this was your important task.
Yeah...we should look after mother earth.
That's when she will care for us.
Right.
Don't you feel we should be chilling in some normal place?
Yes. Your hostel?
This way I'll get to meet your friends.
Ankit, Chirag, Jaat.
I'll clean everything today!
I don't understand why the horse runs crooked.
Don't you know?
Everything is allowed in love and war.
Shall we begin?
Oh no...this is a fucking stupid game.
Everyone can come back except for the pawns.
Isn't his life worth anything?
And queen does all the hard work and the king takes the credit.
This is the problem in our society.
We must focus on the security of the queens not the king.
G 201.
Does this game have missiles too?
No, my room number.
Isn't Unnati your roommate?
Yes. Why?
Does she have a boyfriend?
No.
But she was saying that she likes someone from your hostel.
She's the shy kind. So didn't tell me who.
Even I said she should go for it.
So you're the root of all problems.
Sports quota!
Meeting with friends is just an excuse.
She actually wants to come to my room.
Jhantoo, she wants something else, not love.
Exactly. Let the glucose flow.
Your bro's gonna make love on that bed tomorrow
in the afternoon.
- Make love in the afternoon. - No, no, not right.
Not on this bed, bro, it's too dirty.
Chirag, my buddy, my friend.
Will you lend me your room?
Okay, but this time only two stains
and that too on Ankit's side.
Guards...
This announcement is being made
we won't address Jaat as 'Jaat' anymore.
From today we'll call him...
Who is that underwear wearing asshole?
- Mowgli. - Oh no...
that guy that shoots arrows to the heart. Hurry up.
Hawkeye.
Cupid.
Cupid!
The asshole that makes couples but is a bachelor himself.
I know you're deeply hurt, bro. You must be feeling very bad.
So you should start by donating your wings for inner peace
because it's good for nothing anymore.
Let's go, guys.
Don't try to teach your father how to fuck, asshole.
How's that?
Friendship is like the partnership between two batsmen.
The more understanding they have
the more time they will spend with each other.
In fact, they will party harder than you when Suresh Raina scores a century.
But the problem arises when
one batsman causes the other one to get runout.
Then the partnership shifts from slips from Sachin-Sehwag
to the likes of Rohit-Kohli is unpredictable.
Okay, come on.
Next. Next. Come on.
Doing well.
Sister-in-law's coming. Sister-in-law's coming.
Hello.
- Hi. - Hi.
Come, sit.
We're all alone here.
How can we both be alone?
I mean
where are all your friends.
I taught them the meaning of privacy.
This is a boy's hospital after all. They forget.
Wait a second.
What did you think we're going to do?
Fine...I'll make the first move if you want
but please don't dominate me.
Stop it! What's going on here?
Don't you like me?
What?
Why did you think I am interested in you?
I like Jaat.
Jaat who?
Jaat!
'Are you all single?'
'This way I can get to meet your friends.'
'Ankit, Chirag...Jaat.'
Rupes Bhaati.
Yes, Rupes Bhaati.
Hostel 3's Randeep Hooda.
I thought he'd be here with you.
You could've asked him directly. Why did you screw with me?
It's all my friend's fault.
She said I should impress one of his friends...
- before getting too close to him. - And you believed him.
What kind of a woman are...
I mean...rough up your hair.
I mean the boys outside.
Yuck!
Listen, Unnati...
Get lost!
I didn't intend to take her name! Don't feel bad.
Fuck off!
I knew Jhantoo isn't up to the challenge.
He couldn't even last a minute.
How was the wedding night?
I heard you never got a chance...to discharge.
She's crazy about me
and this dickhead thought she's after him.
Ankit, you're right. Girls are constipated.
Complicated.
Yes, constipated.
But they know how to tell the good from the bad.
Jaat, please don't make fun of him.
- Only you can understand his pain. - Get lost.
No, Ankit, this is wrong.
Don't embarrass him in front of the entire wing.
Please.
Embarrassing him in front of the entire wing is wrong.
Attention. Attention. Attention.
Attention all students of H3.
We won't address Jhantoo as 'Jhantoo' anymore.
We won't.
Bro's been promoted. He's got a new name.
His new name beginning today is...
Dick!
Dick! Dick! Dick!
Look how he's standing erect.
Settle down, son. Settle down.
You'll never get a chance as long as I am here.
Jhantoo.
Don't worry. This new name is better than Jhantoo.
Hello.
Everything's back to normal again.
You won't believe me but even I had a crush on you.
Yes, me too.
But those stupid rules ruined everything.
Walk crooked...and things like that.
From now on I'll come straight to your room. Without knocking.
Actually, I wanted to clear something.
It's the 21st century, even we don't believe in dowry.
But two cows, two buffaloes, and an SUV.
These are necessary.
That...Charu...
Yes, he's a good friend.
She's got a crush on you too.
When? How?
Doesn't she know the rules?
She was supposed to be friend-zoned.
Poor thing doesn't even watch movies.
So now...
Doesn't matter. With a heavy heart, I'll adjust.
Even my grandfather has two wives.
My step-grandfather.
So now we've decided, Rupesh, this can't work.
I knew it.
You won't say yes until I don't wear a turban.
No, no, I obviously like you.
Actually, we believe that a guy should never come between two friends.
Goodbye.
It's a hit wicket. Imagine.
We overhyped bro-code.
That's why no one talks about sis-code.
This sis-code never has a compilation error.
If a guy or a girl comes between two friends
there's bound to be differences.
But if a girl comes between two brothers
then your only option is to make her your sister.
And they are just hostel boys.
Not Salman-Shahrukh
where Baba Siddiqui has to throw an Iftaar party to patch things up.
Come on.
You can do it.
Don't get run out like last time.
Come on, guys. 20 more overs to go.
Sujata is your...
Are you sure?
Of course, go ahead.
She looks like an animal lover to me.
Even I like non-veg so I may have a chance.
Done.
Why did you write Akanksha's name?
You think that Ankit can impress her.
Yeah actually you are right.
The last and 13th girl in the college Kanishtha. She's mine.
- Okay. - Done.
Sign here.
We'll honour this treaty and never try to hit on each other's choices.
Fine, asshole. You're my brother.
Your gal is my sister-in-law.
My gal is your sister.
- Hold it. - Okay.
Guys, anybody.