Ankit, move your hand.
Akku, trust me I'm way more excited than you.
-Just two minutes. -No.
You haven't washed your hands after eating jhalmuri again,
the spices are going into my eyes.
You only tell that you like spicy.
I like it in my mouth. Who likes it in their eyes?
Sorry.
Rubbish.
You are making me walk down the stairs blindfolded, if I fall...
If you fall today, it'd be in Ankit's love.
Last step, last step. That's it.
Come on. Slowly.
Now, open your eyes.
Surprise. Happy Anniversary.
Ankit this is beautiful, you decorated the whole auditorium for me.
But why did you inflate these balloons so small?
The decoration is of this morning.
Today is that AIDS awareness day, these are for that.
Oh, where are all the people?
Keeda.
What.
Anyway,
Happy Anniversary.
You want to keep a watch on smarty by giving smart watch?
Smarty pants?
No.
I gave this to you
so that you don't give me vague reasons like phone was on silent,
I missed the call and all that.
What did you bring for me?
I have brought something for you which is beautiful just like you.
Wait a minute.
Mushroom flowers.
Extremely high in vitamin D and toxins.
Flowers to get you deflowered.
These...
Where did you get these from?
These? These grew up behind B wing only.
Ankit, isn't there a gutter there?
Correct. But there is also a tap beside the gutter.
I have washed it there and brought it, fresh.
Akku, you are so cute.
You think that I'll bring only one gift for my girlfriend, seriously?
Do you remember what you said to me?
You love MC Chingari right?
You brought me the concert tickets for MC Chingari?
I have brought the whole MC Chingari for you.
Yo Chingari, spit some fire.
Yo yo yo, MC Chingari in the house.
"A lie always results in a crow bite. Caw Caw."
"And hearing my rap, guys say, wow, wow."
"Have it, a mustard green, I have fire of years within."
"And the guys change their form like a snake."
Shut up Nabomita.
Yuck, Ankit. You are so stingy.
You ask me to pay for every date.
If the waiter puts the bill in the middle then stop pushing it to my side.
Last time, you even asked me for money to buy condom.
And you ate candy
of the rest of the loose change that too of the same flavor.
I have said sorry three times for 'achari masti'.
And it's your fault too.
Who asked you to get with me at the month end?
I don't even have money to buy dates, how could I take you to dates?
Really? And what about the money you keep lending to your other friend?
Other friend?
Friends, not friend.
You give the money for my subscription.
-I'll return you afterwards. -Hi!
That I gave only for one time.
One time?
You pay for 'Khooni Hathiyar'. I'll return you the money afterwards.
Give the money for this sick person, I'll...
Come on. Chirag's parents are very strict.
For them he's not their son, he's an account.
They cut TDS from his pocket money.
That is why I lend money to him sometimes.
Ankit, you take the money back in lending.
I'm saying because I care for you.
Be clear with your friendship, don't let money mess it up.
Okay.
From now on, you'll never get to know about any of my lending.
Because I won't lend only.
And I'll also ask for all the money I've lent.
He told at home that he got a D in the subject,
then he got into trouble from home.
-He got into trouble? -Yes. Fail.
That's nice.
-That's not nice. -He deserves to be in trouble.
Brother?
Give the money.
I forgot my wallet. You give it for now, I'll return it to you later.
Crypto Currency's blockchain must have been invented in a hostel only.
Here, the chain of lending is so big,
that from the first block of hostel 1...
till the last block of hostel 4,
it covers everything.
Even then, it never gets over.
-Take this. -Oh shit.
"50 rupees received."
Because, in hostel, lending is not a favour.
But a currency in itself as a whole.
The whole hostel runs on this only.
Sir, I wanted to pay the fees.
There is 10 rupees less in it. I can give it to you later, right?
It doesn't work like that.
Sir, I'll give it to you in one or two days.
Kid, this is college.
Here, you might pay less attention in class
but you'd have to pay the full fees.
-Please friend. -Mind your language.
I'm not your friend. Go and bring full fees.
Sorry Sir.
Friend it seems!
Because, money keeps coming and going amongst friends.
But the problem arises,
when this same money comes in between friendship.
I forgot the count.
They have made the noodles so nice.
-If someone's maths is strong, then please help me out. -I'll do it.
By rounding off, a hundred each.
A hundred each.
Hundred.
Ankit, pay for me, I'll return it to you afterwards.
Okay.
-Chirag? -Yes?
I didn't bring money today.
So, pay for me as well?
Ankit, if I had brought money then why would I have asked you?
Is he dumb or what?
We didn't order dessert today?
You bring from the room, we will wait here.
You can also bring, we all will wait.
You mean to pay your bill, I should go to the room alone?
So to pay your bill, I should go to the room alone?
Yes, go.
I have lent you so much. You can do this at least for me.
Ankit, if you have lent me then you could have it back.
There is no need to bring it all up now in front of everyone.
I'm counting because I don't have unlimited money,
if you borrowed the money, then return it.
I'm bringing it up because I don't have any treasure, okay?
If you have borrowed, then return it to me.
Okay.
You'll get all of your money till the end of the month.
Of the next month.
I should get it.
Because Ankit Pandey, doesn't give anyone even a rupee extra.
Take this. Keep the change.
Do you have any shame left in your eyes
or have you covered it with the glasses of money, Pandey?
One second, why should Pandey be ashamed?
Because he has done such a thing.
Keeping tabs with friends. Such a low life.
Oh, so a person can't ask for the money back after lending?
That way the lender is the dumbest person.
Then he shouldn't have done the dumb thing at the first place.
At least our friend who is like Mother India,
wouldn't have had to get humiliated in front of everyone today.
Here's the thing Mr. Jaat. Ankit has asked for his money back.
Otherwise given the time that has passed since the money has been lent,
the interest has also got to be counted over the principle amount.
You must know.
Akku, leave it.
-He started first. -No, leave the Hariyanvi.
And what interest are you talking about?
Don't forget, that every semester this Mother India,
has made this guy pass the exams.
-Jhaatu, enough. -It's okay.
Oh, so this guy should pay Mother India back for the rest of his life?
Look at it brothers.
This girl has sold the motherhood of Mother India in the market.
Jaat, enough.
This is the anger of Mother India.
Stop calling me Mother India.
All this is because of you.
Ankit, you'll get all of your money back by the end of the month.
After that, don't show me your traitor face anymore.
-He called me a traitor? -Chill.
Calm down.
That bag of flour's dad won't have had fed him as many pizzas as I have.
I'm not a bag of flour, whom you can knead with your feet and make a bread.
The same guy who used to drink juice from my glass,
is telling me to not show my face again?
What was he telling? "I don't have any treasure."
If the guy who counts every ten rupees, can afford something of Kuber,
then that would be just his tobacco.
We have been explaining this to you since so long,
these guys are not loyal to anyone.
Why did you have to say that you will return the money? Are you a mutual fund?
Hostel life doesn't run by lending money always.
True hostel life is run by borrowing money. Got it?
It's an art to not lend money. Learn from the Mallya.
Borrowing money is a craft. Learn from Mallya.
We will teach you. Don't worry.
We will teach you.
Why are you so scared?
Huh?
Money is just the dirt of hands.
And dirt always gets settled in the corner.
That is why, today onwards, any bill of more than 50 rupees,
you will keep it in your secret pocket. Okay?
But I keep your photo there.
What? Are we still a secret?
Anyway,
Mug up all the technical difficulties.
All are important. Debit card is scratched, KYC is not done,
phone's screen is broken so OTP is not visible.
But my screen is okay.
It isn't anymore.
Ankit, now do exactly as I say.
To pay your half bill, you need to have your full confidence.
No matter however long it has been since the bill arrived,
let the other person pay first.
Ankit, you have to wait.
You have to be Internet Explorer, not Firefox.
The turtle always wins.
Think about the entry of hero of a South Indian film.
Just take it slow. Okay?
Ankit!
Just relax.
Ankit, open your eyes. Open your eyes, relax.
Take a deep breath.
How much has it been?
100?
Bro, wait. I'll pay half of it.
Thank you.
Should we order something?
Never order food yourself.
Uncle, one desi noodles with mayonnaise.
Yes. How are you?
How are you? Will you have something?
No, no.
You have it.
Look at the food of your friend in such a way,
that he can see the whole country's deficit in your eyes.
He should be able to see the hunger of Africa's kids.
He should be able to look at the chance of becoming Angelina Jolie.
Uncle, give one each to these orphans as well.
Chirag, the best credit is the one...
which you don't even have to ask for.
That's it.
How much?
-32 rupees. -Here you go.
Bring change.
You bring please. You will get it too.
Why will they give me? What do I look like?
Auto driver, what else?
Is it? I look like an auto driver?
-Then they will give you more easily, -Why?
Because you look like a beggar.
Hey! Don't speak rubbish.
Have you ever stopped on showing hand for a single time?
You people sit at the back of auto rickshaw and kiss each other.
Have you ever stopped when I stared at you for a single time?
This is getting a bit too much now. This is my hostel. Behave here.
Don't speak too much.
Just a minute.
Take your 32 rupees, and leave.
Can I sit?
Depends on your center of gravity.
Give me a cup of tea, Goody.
Thank you.
For what?
For the auto fare.
I don't keep tabs of such small things.
By the way, talking of keeping tabs, you are hungry for money. Right?
Brother, return it later. Don't worry about it.
No.
Even today, Chirag Bansal picks up thrown money
and returns it by the month end.
Chirag, there is no hurry.
Keep the change.
Asshole, this is change only.
You have taken thousands from me,
and now you are giving me Amitabh Bachhan's dialogue
by giving me just 100 rupees.
Even KBC starts from 1000 rupees.
100 rupees? And what about the 32 rupees I gave outside?
It's one hundred and thirty-two.
And just like this, by giving 132 rupees everytime, I'll clear all your debt.
The way you are showing me your 32 teeth after giving me 132 rupees,
don't forget I have made your crying stop in this hostel.
But your whining is still going on.
The way you lick Jaat and Jhaatu's butts,
if it weren't for me, Jaat and Jhaatu would have kicked your butt.
And the same Akanksha...
in whose arms you're always there these days,
I'm sure even she is frustrated with your stinky armpits.
I'll use deodorant for that.
But there is no spray to kill a leech like you.
Enough.
Clear all of my debt right now.
Leech?
You want to clear the debt of your money?
Okay.
Then clear the debt of my favours as well.
The same Chirag who used to talk to his mom for 45 minutes during exam time,
got to talk to her for only 36 minutes in order to teach you.
Return me those 9 minutes and sweet mama time.
You've disrupted my prime music recommendations
by listening to romantic music.
Give me my old algorithm back.
Third floor's washroom is far, so you always took me to pee.
Return my extra piss.
I'll clear your debt of money today or tomorrow, Ankit.
But how will you repay my debt of friendship? Tell me.
Leech.
What?
I don't know about the other things,
but I'll surely return your piss with interest.
Akku and Nabo have saved me.
Yes, go and sit on their lap.
Anyway, amongst men like Jaat, Jhaatu and me,
you won't be able to survive.
Get lost.
Why do you always talk about money, why do you die over it?
Because, capitalism. Now I'll tell one about poverty.
Income 8 cents, expenditure?
Yes.
Look, the bottom line is...
that to return the debt of money
there are a lot of banks available from Grameen Bank to the World Bank.
But to repay the debt of friendship,
there is no bank in the whole World.
Yes.
Guys?
Brother, one blue pen, one black pen, one red pen, one parker pen,
one gel pen, one ball pen and an extra pen too.
I'll take it myself. How much?
450 rupees.
Guys, 150 each.
Akku, what am I saying...
Let's just buy refills, we already have the pens. Right?
Ankit, why to buy even refills?
Let's make ink from four drops of Ujala.
We will write the exams and the assignment will be clean too.
Give your 150 rupees.
Give.
Give me the big 2 Rs. pens.
We even want the free refills too.
I didn't bring the change, so you give it for now and I will...
You know what Akku? Take it.
Parker Peter pen,
Uncle Ben ten, take everything.
You know what Ankit, I took it.
Wow, you even bought it and it didn't even get burdened on a single person?
Real friendship is the one in which everyone shares the burden. Right?
Jhaatu, you only give my money.
Because I have trust that you will always be there for me.
Who will trust on this trust fund? Right guys?
-Hey, Chirag? -Yes?
Tell me which t-shirt is looking nice?
White, or dark white?
-White is nice. -Isn't it?
Yes. I had a similar one. But it got torn.
This is very nice.
Yes. It was feeling nice that day as well.
When you went to play cricket while bunking the FM lecture.
Just when you were about to take out the ball from the gutter,
the professor came.
And you put your face inside the gutter too, to hide.
Then after half an hour, when you got out,
on seeing my pretty face you thought that I was laughing at you.
Although I was laughing at you only,
but you tore my t-shirt out of anger.
This t-shirt is looking exactly like that one.
You can order it for yourself.
I'll fold it to remind mine's folds.
There was no need for this.
Anyway, thank you.
Asshole.
'What did you say?'
'So you missed me?'
'Conference call?'
What?
Ankit, what are you doing?
Guys, sorry to bring this up.
But the quarterly subscription for prime is for 459 rupees.
And you both have transferred me 150 each.
So?
So, you have to give me 3 rupees more each.
I don't know how can you do such a big calculation blunder.
I mean, seriously.
-Ankit? -Yes Akku?
We don't have change.
Akku.
These tricks have gotten old now.
Let me check.
Corner's dirt?
It's 2000 rupees.
Yes, I'm transferring the balance to you.
2000-3 is 1997.
That's your birth year.
Nabo, what is your birth year?
I have change.
Akku, purse.
Asshole.
Listen up guys,
Let's buy a nice fragrance soap.
It's been so long I didn't smell anything nice.
Soaps and all are urban tactics. We use mud in our village.
Where do you rub it?
I told you, back at my place.
But where?
Hey assholes, look at this, Bulbul soap.
It kills 33.3% germs in just 30 rupees.
And it's also buy two get one free.
Take out your 10 rupees each.
Jhaatu, you two give the money for buy two.
and I'll get this 'get one'.
Today we will bath. Let's go.
Akku?
Your headache will get cured in a jiffy because I brought medicine for you.
Thank you.
It's of 10 rupees.
Add the auto fare of 40 rupees too.
Ankit my head is hurting.
Akku, If I don't keep the tabs then my head will also start hurting, really.
Give me the money.
Take it from the wallet.
Friends, friends, friends.
I wanted to borrow a little friendship from you.
I have brought this form, can you please fill it and submit?
Please sign here too, in guardian's section.
Thank you.
Sign here.
Asshole.
You are making us fill the hostel fees form?
Huh? We both would have been paying your hostel fees of Rs.1.5 lac?
My phone's screen is broken so...
the last digit of OTP isn't visible nor I want to see it.
In a matter of time your butt will also get beaten up so bad
that neither will you want to show it to someone nor see it yourself.
But, you both only taught me to...
So do you kick the butt of the one who teaches you?
This way you might have had sex with your bio teacher
after learning about reproduction.
He might have, asshole.
I can't pay anymore of him.
I'm also not giving brother.
Brother, I don't respect myself.
but while living with this asshole I have started respecting that Ankit.
He's a saint who was tolerating this evil man.
Look, Chirag. I'm telling you one thing very calmly.
If you even utter the word of lending from today,
then I will kick your butt in a way that you will only speak noises.
Ooh. -Shut up.
Listen up, you python of credit.
Keep your distance from me or I will kick your butt.
But?
Akku, why are you not picking up my phone?
You are not even sending me cry laugh emojis on my memes.
And now you are not even looking at me.
Ankit, please leave me alone.
Yes, I know that you are mad at me.
But to make up for everything, I have brought something for you.
You wanted to go to MC Chingari's concert. Right?
But this is only one ticket.
Because this is mine.
Now, you go and buy a ticket for yourself soon.
Then we'll go to the concert together and dance.
Ankit, yuck.
I taught you to avoid lending money and you are saving money from me only.
You always start with your tabs like an accountant.
You have done so much of maths that the chain of my purse has broken.
You used to roam around me at some time and now you just roam around decimals.
Wait a minute, I don't enjoy balancing my account sheet with you as well. Okay?
And when I was with Chirag, my expenses were less. Here I am spending even more.
Because you and Nabomita
have to only go to 'nice places' and eat 'good food' only.
Who eats continental in breakfast everyday?
Yes. The person who eats boiled lentil cannot enjoy continental.
Listen, go to your friends and take care of them.
Stop chasing me and stay away from my money.
So the biggest upside of lending or borrowing money in hostel is...
that you get to know that who is not compatible with you.
And who isn't compatible, is just not.
But with whom you are, you should maintain it with them.
Am I wrong?
It's eggless for sure. Right? I only like jokes in non-veg.
What are you thinking about bro?
I'm thinking whether I should go to the toilet or let it be.
I'll feel hungry again.
Will you come to drink milkshake with me?
I don't have money.
I have become broke living with Akanksha and Nabomita.
Don't worry. It's on me.
I have saved a lot living with Jaat and Jhaatu.
Should we? Let's go.
Let's go. You are hungry for milkshake too. Come.
Get up you drama.
Brother, two kiwi custard-apple.
And do one pizza too. You are cool with it. Right?
You pay for the pizza and I'll pay for kiwi custard-apple. Okay?
Okay.
-Cheese burst. -Give
What did you think? These assholes will change?
Financial relations in college are just like money in pocket.
No matter how hard you try to straighten them, they'll still be a little folded.
But you all don't worry, because here...
the torn notes also work. Here you go.
Sir, this note is torn.
It would do. I'm using it since 2009. Look.
I'm proud.