Mayank!
Baby!
Great! You're looking amazing!
Thank you.
Did you loosen your belt?
No, why? -Do that, my friend.
It's our first day at college.
Before we go to class, let us meet both,
good looking girls and guns.
Shall we? -Yes.
Baby. -Yes?
Make me wear the helmet.
Your hair will get messy.
'First day of the new session at KC Rai College in Lucknow.'
'Everyone has only one thought in their minds.'
'How to be boys to men?'
Neha 7.
How do you know her name is Neha?
The name of 70 percent girls is Neha.
Everyone knows that.
8! No, 8.5!
We shouldn't objectify girls.
Hey, silly!
What do you think these girls are doing?
They're rating us.
You're rated at 7.
I'm rated at 9.
6, for Mayank.
No, 4 is fine.
4 -No, 3 is fine.
Leave three. These two put together are not even worth two.
Move! It's our turn.
I told you, we'll get it.
Hey! This is ours. -Yes, we know that.
It's just cold drink
and not some river side plot that you cannot buy again.
You go and buy another cool one.
Listen...
We are your seniors. Don't do this to us. -Yes. Respect!
Respect?
Senior, my foot! Who cares!
Leave! Go and behave like a senior first.
Give us the 'Samosa' at least. -Again? Come on, leave.
Quick! -Now!
Amar, it is too hot. -Is it? Let me taste.
But he didn't get 'chutney'! What a scumbag he is!
Shame on our lives!
So what can we do?
Do you have any idea?
So be quiet.
Usually, if two normal guys are friends, both of them win.
But even if one of them is weak, then...
The other capable fellow also becomes a failure.
What do you intend to say?
Are you eternally single because of me?
As if you are a Cupid God, by yourself.
I never saw any great quality in you.
You are shifting all blames on me.
You are a loser just like me.
Write to the last 3 decimal points.
She bags 100 out of 10!
Mayank, look.
It is written here as well that real men are feminists.
Do they always stay like this?
Shut it.
Right from the first day of college,
you've been saying that we'll woo girls with feminism.
If I have ever held anyone's hand in college,
then that's you.
You do it with each other then.
Guys, listen. Ijaz has come down, he has created a ruckus.
Come on, I say.
Who is the scoundrel whose days are numbered?
Who is it?
Whose days are numbered?
Some big problem! A gang war could start.
Who teased Rukhsana?
You scoundrels!
The reputation of every girl in our college is our reputation.
I swear, I will set the college ablaze.
Who wants to die here?
Will someone speak?
Not in our name...
Listen...
I have a great idea.
We'll be the heroes in our hostel, our college and the entire Lucknow.
You want to be one? -No.
No, dude. -Yes!
Are you out of your mind?
Listen, think about it.
When everyone will find out, that the two of us
teased Ijaz's girl,
then it will create a sensation.
Only if we are alive to see that.
Her dad makes 'Kebabs' at Ganj.
We'll be finished during lunch time, with 'Paranthas'.
This is your problem. So negative! You have gone crazy.
The whole hostel is together.
What will happen at the most? We'll get beaten up for a few minutes.
And then, they'll come to save us.
Mayank, it's a very bad idea.
We did!
We teased your girl, Ijaz.
What will you do?
Will you hit us?
Will you beat us up?
Come on.
Hit us.
Who are you?
Hey!
We...
are us!
My child, go and do your homework. Scumbags!
Now will you tell me,
or should I call your dad?
You will forget me, that can never happen.
And you will forget me?
That is impossible.
Very good! Well done.
Thank you.
Stop it!
What are you applauding for?
It was such a bad take.
How many times will I have to teach you?
'You forget me, that's not possible.'
'And I will forget you, I won't let that happen!'
And then, the music of 'Dhadkan' will play. Camera will pan.
It will focus on me and then, I'll shoot myself with a gun.
You will take your heart out and put it in mine.
You get it? Please! Let us do one good take. Please.
Minty, it was okay. Let us proceed. -No... -Chakku...
Chakku... Ijaz has come to our college with his boys.
And he is creating a ruckus for no reason.
When did he become so audacious?
Take all the time you want.
We won't leave from here,
before I cut open someone's head!
Why are you abusing?
This isn't your aunt's brothel that everyone will dance to your tunes.
Do you see this?
I will make a hole in the right place on your body.
Then you may decide, where you want a new hole.
Where you speak from, or where you secrete from!
Chakku! -Hey you!
Hey, Chakku... -Very good.
Take more steps back just like this or I will kill you.
Come on, kill me.
Scumbag!
You have no bullets in your gun!
And you want to make a hole in my body! Get lost!
Leave!
You!
What are you waiting for? Hit him!
Chakku bro!
Piyush, this is it. He is the one we want to be like.
Yes.
Sir, this is a new model. It's so good.
It's so smooth that once you sit on it, you won't feel like getting up.
I am not so fortunate to own it. -You are right, sir.
Are you done?
So then, wipe it and keep it aside.
Okay. Should I hang it on the wall? -Yes, do it. Go.
I have some information, Piyush. -What?
Our childhood crush, Rubiya Ahmed
is Dean Syed Ahmed's wife.
This is her second marriage, she has come from Allahabad.
The old man has money, power and position.
So, then we have the youth, baby!
The youth is of no use.
Dad spent all his life amidst these commodes.
Now, he wants his son to look at these too. -No!
Stop talking negative.
Forget all this. Something good will happen, Piyush.
What will happen?
Your late father was a lauded hero.
Yes. -And look at you!
Piyush... -What is this?
Look at Chakku Pandey!
He has Minty.
He has power.
He is the real Nawab of Lucknow.
Okay, babe. Evening at 5PM. Don't be late. Bye, love you.
Sir, the aroma is inviting. Shall we have some snacks?
Let us go for a healthy diet. It's good for our health.
How is it? -It's awesome. Really tasty.
It's very tasty. -Yes.
The oil used in it is very healthy.
Is it olive oil? -Do you use olive oil? -Yes.
Very nice.
It is really tasty. -Yes, awesome.
This is too good. Give one more plate.
What do you want to eat, Bro. -What shall we eat next?
Let us eat 'Gol Gappe'.
Make it spicy.
Hmm... Very good.
Hey, I am giving it to you Take it, look here.
Samarth...
I'm feeling uneasy.
Sir, did you add purging crouton to it? -No, sir.
What's wrong, bro?
I will have to leave.
Think about it.
What is it
that Chakku Pandey doesn't have?
But I have it.
There! Come. -Bro, there!
Stop here!
Chakku Pandey is here. -Where is he? -He is here!
Sorry, dude. I got out of control.
When I saw it behind the curtain, I just did it!
We have many, you may use any of these. -No, thanks.
If it was not for you, I would've...
No... Chakku Bro, why thank us?
Humans are meant to help each other.
Do you know me?
Who doesn't know you, Chakku Bro?
And... We are in your college.
Is it? I've never seen you both.
Passing! You may not have
realized while passing because it's foggy in winters.
Now that we have met, let's catch up quite often.
Alright, bye. -Bye.
Well, are you interested in some hobbies?
We have many hobbies, Chakku Bro.
Piyush? -Yes!
Yes!
I have organized a program in the evening.
It's in my quarters. It's going to be a divine event.
You have to come.
Okay? -Sure. -Till then, I owe you one.
You must come. -Sure.
Sir, what should I do with that commode?
Flies are buzzing around it. The ones with green eyes.
So then, dispose it somewhere.
Tell dad that it broke.
-Mayank, here is line. -Hey leave it.
Check him properly.
Check his pocket if he is carrying anything.
Have you kept that place for a girl? Move ahead.
Listen... -Who will stop us? Chakku has invited us. -Loser Kings!
Where are you barging inside?
Go, stand in the queue.
Move back.
ID?
Will my phone work? -No, that won't do.
Next.
20 years? -20 year old!
Yes, 20 years. -Let them go.
Ready?
Ready!
Let's go.
Yes!
Pinky! Her name must be Pinky.
There is one Pinky in every party.
She is for real.
Hey!
Listen!
This is paradise.
This is paradise on earth!
You do this...
What?
Hey guys, welcome back to my series- 'Mind it With Minty'.
Today's event is very important because in my boyfriend's house...
Sorry.
Excuse me...
Hi. -Hi. -Myself, Minty.
Myself, Mayank.
Are you a dancer?
I manage to.
Nice to meet...
Interesting! Seems useful!
It's a difficult task.
The one you're talking about,
isn't a nobody
that no one will find out, if he is abducted.
It is a difficult task.
That's the reason I am talking to you, Pandey.
High Command knows
that no one in Lucknow is as tough as you.
Alright, then... But if there is a problem,
then I will not be worth a penny.
Know the price.
Keep showering your love.
Hello Zahir!
Sir, I've told Chakku Pandey.
You don't worry, sir.
That rascal Ahmed
won't be spared alive. -Okay!
Oh my!
You look very pretty.
What's the matter?
You look very excited, too.
When you are next to me, I am always excited.
Shall we? -Yes, well...
I am also excited about this.
I was looking for a thesis, right?
I've found it.
After three months. Should I read it out for you?
Wait, I'll finish this and come. -No, I'm going to bed. I'm sleepy.
Hey!
Cut.
Hey! Start the music.
What's this? -Ms Minty is here!
Ms Minty is here! -Sister-in-law!
Sister-in-law! -Sister-in-law!
Play from the start! I will show you the real heroine's style.
"My beloved's house is across the river"
"My beloved's house... I am the beloved.
"Beloved's house".
Mayank, I have decided.
I have also deceived... Sorry, I have decided, too.
Correct.
That now... -We will...
We'll prove ourselves. -Yes.
We'll use guns.
And also... Hey, Piyush.
We'll roam around with girls, too.
That is it.
Don't tell this to anyone.
Stop laughing! You shouldn't share this with anyone.
I... Love... You!
And I love you.
What are you saying? -Yes.
No, that's right. We deserve it. -Yes, we do.
Get up, you fool.
Saying dirty things so early in the morning.
Don't say such things at least early in the morning.
Holy fuck.
Hey.
This is great.
If I say it in vernacular it is dirty.
However, it is cool if said in English.
Look at this.
Chakku has added us to the WhatsApp group.
Little Chakkus.
It is official.
But how did Chakku come to know that you have it small?
Yes. You are funny.
What are you trying to do?
Look at this. The student faculty group.
Love parade is allowed in college.
Love parade!
Hey!
You descendant of Saint Valentine.
Why does it matter to you?
It is love.
Even if we get it or not.
We need to celebrate it.
We will have a great celebration. A huge bash.
Sir is here.
So, everyone is here?
Yes here he is coming.
Have arrived.
As you already know I have also got a graduate degree in computers.
Wonderful. -Wonderful.
He is showing a full movie.
What is this? Wonderful. Wonderful.
What a badass name? Chakku! -Hmm.
But he is so kind as a man.
Chakku bro also takes good care of all kinds of people.
Mayank, you were correct.
It is profitable to be a part of Small Chakku.
If the Almighty listened to us
then even we can have a similar valentine.
Hmm?
What you are seeing here...
Yes Bro.
...is completely wrong.
Wrong, sir. -Yes, it is absolutely wrong.
Very wrong.
This is correct.
Good. -Hey. That came on by mistake. A mistake.
Mr Chakku.
Is it a wrong thing to do or we cannot even watch it on the phone?
Speak up!
You are very naughty.
You can watch it.
Thank you, sir.
But only on your own phones.
Sir, we even watch it on the laptop.
And that will be replaced by this.
Parents' Celebration Day.
Mr Chakku, your father looks very young.
Moron. He is not my father.
I didn't have a pic of my parents together.
So, I just got something off the internet.
Just for the reference.
Photoshopping.
Love can only happen
between a married man and a married woman.
Absolutely. Absolutely.
That means husband and...
Wife.
Baby.
I say, the room there doesn't have a light.
So please can you...
Minty, what are you doing here?
We are having a group meeting.
Give me some time.
Please come.
Mindy, please. -Hmm. -Please. -Hmm.
Just a bit. I am coming. Please.
I was saying that I am going to upload a new reel at 5.
So, all of you need to like it.
Make everyone like it.
We will. Make sure you like it.
Okay? -Yes. Yes.
Yes, so as I was saying...
Sir, you were saying this is all allowed between a husband and a wife.
Absolutely.
The rest all boyfriend, girlfriend, Romeo, Juliet, kisses, etc.
Nothing is allowed.
It is wrong, sir. -Absolutely.
Now listen carefully.
There will be teams.
Yes.
Two each.
Yes, sir.
We have to invade the entire city and stop these lustful demons.
We will stop them, sir.
If the rascals don't listen to you than slap them.
That's right.
But we need to clean out this waste.
We will, sir.
And yes. The most important.
Shoot videos when you are doing this.
Sir, in 4k.
Make sure, you catch the faces clearly.
So, that everyone should know
that the real protector of Indian Culture is
Mr Chakku!
Now look at this carefully.
Look.
What an amazing tagline.
Hashtag love forever.
Wonderful, sir. -Wonderful, sir.
Swear that you won't allow indecency in college.
We won't, sir. We won't.
Even if you have to shed blood.
Even if we have to shed blood.
Be victorious.
Mr Chakku. -Hail him.
Stop all this.
Do one thing. Get the phone.
Record a video.
I will go and stop them.
Stop for a moment.
Look at them.
How can we stop two lovers like them so rudely?
Look at them.
The more I see them, the hornier I am feeling. Okay?
Now since I cannot relieve myself only one thing is left.
Stop this nonsense.
Come on.
Hey. What is going on? -Vishal?
Mayank, you?
This is your cousin. -I know.
What is all this?
We used to play as cousins during the summer holidays.
Since when have you gone into this love business?
Sir, she has come from Bangalore.
And you know that when you don't have a companion...
Answering back?
Yuck. Piyush say yuck.
You know what. You guys are just jealous.
Smriti.
He is my elder brother.
Hey. I am not that elder either.
He is a loser. A loser.
Since no one gives him any time he wants to ruin other people's lives.
Mayank, listen to me.
What should I listen to? What?
I know that the girl is correct.
But if this continues than the world will have ice cream.
And what will we be left with?
The stick? -The stick. -Throw it.
Throw away this stick.
Take out the phone and start framing.
Hey. What is going on?
This is a park with grass. So, will you just do anything in the grass?
Who are you? Get lost.
Carry on.
Cut. Cut.
Hey bamboo tree.
How dare you hit my boyfriend?
You're like a sister!
Why did you hit my boyfriend?
Run. Run Piyush. Run. Run. Run.
Take this money. And kiss each other.
Relax. And enjoy it.
I will come from there. Like this. Okay?
And I will say stop.
See me and say sorry to me. Like this. Okay?
This is Piyush. Say hello. -Hello.
He will record your video. Cool?
Okay. All the best.
Hey. Don't do over acting. I don't like it.
Yuck. Dirty kids. Stop. What are you doing?
They got carried away. These kids.
That is fine. Return me my money.
Return the money.
True love.
They look like soul mates.
OMG. That means.
Ms Minty if you
and Mr Chakku take our gold shop name in your next reel...
...then I will give you silver coin for free
in your next shopping.
What say?
Mr Agarwal, look. Don't worry about the money.
Your promotion is our promotion.
Not just you. Mr Chakku too.
Mr Chakku just has to say
Agarwal Jewellers.
My knife might lose its edge
but their gold always retains its lustre.
You want to see the edge of my knife.
Shall I? Get lost.
I think... -Get lost.
We can change the line.
Mr Agarwal. I will give you an extra reel.
What is wrong with you, baby?
Where do you get such people from?
My knife losing its edge.
Tomorrow's celebration is very important for me.
If we have more engagement than the account will get verified.
And the money will come only if the account gets verified.
Only rowdiness isn't enough.
You are thinking of your minions.
The entire culture.
And me?
Your girlfriend? What about her, Chakku?
Minty, it is not like that.
Look, Chakku. I am letting you know seriously,
if we break up then
it would be because of your emotional unavailability.
What do you mean?
Search it on the net.
It is useless to tell you anything.
I feel so suffocated, this is what the world has been doing to women.
Minty, but I am available.
Here. Keep everything. Be happy.
Yes. -What are you doing? What are you doing?
Enjoy. Have fun. Have fun.
And he was paying her money for the room.
Look at this, sir.
Here he was being slapped by a slipper.
Oh my.
I took the video clips from these fools' phones.
They didn't even guess it.
Brother, let alone Chakku gang, he can't even show his face in KCR college
Hey, if we get insulted so much, We'll cut our veins.
It is nothing to laugh about.
Love. One can fall in love with anyone.
Love understands all languages.
What is going on in colleges nowadays?
Anti love. Not this. Not that.
This is the only loser place you had got to sit.
You had said that
we are not fit to show our faces in the entire college.
Here people who no one wants to see get together.
Will you have samosa?
Samosa?
Here?
I am not able to digest this insult.
And you are having Samosa!
Hunger is hunger, baby.
That's why we will have a protest in college.
And guys, today we have 2 new people among us.
Piyush and Mayank.
Thank you, guys, Thank you for your support.
And these two.
If they are with us then even they believe...
...that love can't have a definite definition.
Right?
Of course.
What are your views about consensual love?
Consensual love.
My view is that...
For example this samosa.
I like it.
But you all might like patties with chutney, etc.
What you like is your choice.
So, if I force my samosa in your face.
And if you force your patties in my face.
Then that is wrong, right?
So, I have a dream about a society
where samosa eaters will have samosas.
And patties eaters will eat patties.
And everyone will be happy.
Wow.
Wow!
In the storeroom behind the sports room,
the banners and posters are stored.
Everyone will go and hang these posters and banners everywhere.
Okay? Are we ready?
Yes. Hashtag LoveForever.
Come on. We have a lot of work to do.
Amazing. -Come. Come.
Thank you, thank you, thank you so much.
'I have a dream about a society'!
Love forever.
Listen.
It is good. A good idea.
Their posters, etc. Let us burn them.
Neither there will be posters nor all this here.
Yuck.
Such a shameless act.
I won't do it.
And you shouldn't do it either.
If you do something which starts a fire
do you know what will be the end result?
This is the best chance to gain respect in front of Mr Chakku.
And you know it.
So, think about it. -I have.
There is no chance.
And you won't do it either.
Where are you going?
Today for the first time people has applauded at what I have said.
So, I am going to the library to find a few things.
I might need to give speeches later.
I am sorry.
Actually, I brought lunch for my husband Mr Ahmed.
But he is not at office.
I don't understand...
Why are you staring at my face like this?
No. Don't you recognize me?
I am Piyush Sharma.
From Bilawal Road.
You used to stay there several years ago.
Yes. I remember. I remember.
What was his name?
I don't remember.
You are the son of Mr Sharma, the commode man.
Goodness. Goodness. You were so tiny.
You have grown up good now.
She called him 'worthless'.
Who said that?
Who said that? Who said that?
I remember that a monkey man had come to our street once.
And the monkey pounced on you
so bad that you lost your pants and you peed.
Yes, come let us look for the dean together.
Yes, thank you.
Called me 'worthless'!
You are robbing students of their rights.
It is not a big crime.
Mr Dean, will we have elections again in the college?
Political responsibility is
as important for the kids as studies.
Mr MLA. You are such a great leader.
How does it matter if a small college will have elections or not?
Does it?
Go and cut ribbons. Inaugurate hospitals, etc.
Don't think about the kids. I am there for that.
I will cut which needs to be cut.
Not a hospital.
But of a graveyard.
You can get it the way you want to.
Now whether you inaugurate a graveyard or a public toilet,
it makes no difference to me. Honestly.
But I won't allow the corruption of election in my college.
You can note that down. Hmm?
But there is one thing.
Next month, the college is having its annual function.
I wish you to be the chief guest. Please do come.
I will surely come.
Thank you.
What is going on?
Sir. -Sir, look at this.
This great man has done the act.
But had sent the video to the wrong group. Look.
Hello, India. My name is Mayank Singh. And I am an Indian.
And all this foreign stuff won't be tolerated.
This is India. Only Indian culture will prevail here.
Hail Chakku Pandey.
Final, this is the final warning. Get it.
Hail Chakku Pandey.
I don't know how it got sent to the wrong group. I...
Sir, he acts like a hero. He is one big...
You are so short. Why do you scream so much?
He is the only brave one.
As Minty would say. Who understood the assignment.
Well done. Mayur.
From now on you are not the group admin. It is Mayank.
Applause.
The protector of Indian culture, Chakku Pandey.
Hmm.
There will be an FIR. Police will come.
You will lose all your attitude.
What were you saying?
Needle.
Call me the sword.
The sword.
You also had a friend, right?
What was his name? Yes, Mayank.
Where is he?
He is also here. In the same college.
He was also a big guy.
Yes, he still is a big guy.
I mean, he was very naughty.
Oh naughty.
Oh no. He is not naughty. He is simple.
I mean, he is not as naive as me. But he is simple.
That sounds like a siren.
What is going on?
There is a new king in the market, Munna.
You are not a king but a joker.
Presenting Piyush Sharma.
What do you want to say about Mayank?
Mayank is...
Look Mayank, I want to do a situationship with you.
What is this?
Qualities of Rubiya.
Chakku pandey has become a donkey.
What is a donkey?
You spit on Chakku bro's face?
He must be your brother. He is actually an uncle here.
This physical distance between us...
Think about that a bit.
I swear I think about it 5-6 times a day.
You have promised this much money to Chakku.
I will do your work for half of it.
Done!
If the husband is not alive...
All this will be yours.
We are the new owners of this college.
You are my childhood friend.
Are you going to aim a gun at me?