There we go.
- That's what I'm talking about. - Finally. Geez.
What's with you?
We're trying to enjoy the game and he wants to spoil the vibe
and talk about real stuff.
Eventually you're gonna have to talk to your dad about how he let you down.
Come on, man.
I told you he sucks.
- It's not gonna happen. - Okay.
It will. When you're ready.
Until then, I've decided that we're both gonna be available to you from now on.
But I would not call Paul after 8:00 p.m.,
because last time he answered the phone from his bathtub with Julie.
How big is your tub?
Not that big.
My man.
But as far as your treatment is concerned, I'm still in charge.
Think of me as... as Santa, and Jimmy as--
Do not make me an elf, Paul. I'm so much bigger than you.
You can be a reindeer.
Not the fancy one with the red nose,
but one of the randos in the back, like Fluffer.
Fluffer's not a reindeer, Paul.
Fluffer and reindeer are such different jobs.
So, how am I supposed to deal with working with my dad every day
until I figure this shit out?
Just love him.
Goodwill is everything.
If you meet him with that when you're ready to talk,
it'll come from a great place.
Game's back.
Unless Jimmy wants me to talk about my dad now.
I'm guessing he wasn't much of a hugger.
No, he wasn't.
You two ever kiss on the lips?
All the time.
Oh, my God.
- Hey. - Hi.
Sorry I'm late. I was with my mom. She was in an accident but she's okay.
She drove into a tow truck. Actually, onto a tow truck.
The good news is,
the tow truck driver was able to take the car straight to the shop.
All right.
So--
Do you know what's crazy?
Now, my sister wants me to convince our blind-as-hell mom
to get her eyes fixed.
And it's like, dude, why is it always on me?
I taught our mom how to use a smartphone. I got her into physical therapy.
I got her out of Herbalife which was actually--
I'm so sorry to interrupt, but has our time started?
We got into a huge fight last night and I just kinda wanna get into it.
My bad. This is your time.
Hit me. Okay, what was the fight about?
Well, I always have gum when he wants it but...
he never has gum when I want it.
I don't like things in my pockets and...
Never mind.
What, do you guys feel like shit now because your stuff is so trite?
- Yeah, a little bit. - Yeah.
Don't. You're paying me. So let's do this.
Come on, guys. Shake it off.
Mark, why don't you like stuff in your pockets?
I am not her purse!
My cell phone, my gum, my Invisalign case. That is not that many things.
I'm sorry. Then we also have the sunglasses, the protein bars
and the chargers.
Are you kidding me?
Are you fucking kidding me?
- Hey. - I think the watercooler's broken.
Yeah? What do you think is wrong with it?
The compressor must've slipped and blocked the filter hinge.
- How the fuck would I know? - If you're having a crap day,
we're drinking at Liz's later, if you wanna join us.
Don't give me hopeful eyebrows.
I can't control them. They're dreamers.
Jimmy, please. I keep trying to find nice ways to tell you that I need space.
The ball is in my court.
You are ball-less.
Well, that's not entirely true. They're sort of what got us here.
- I just miss you. - Well, suck it.
Cowboy boots on a baby?
Is she already a stripper?
I'd know that judgmental tone anywhere.
Mac? Oh, my God. Hi.
Come here. Hey, there.
Wow. You haven't aged a day.
That's a good start.
And so skinny, you seem like you might be sick.
Oh, my God. Thank you so much.
So, what's it been? Twenty-five years?
Tell me everything. What have you been up to?
So many cool things.
Having kids.
Rocks.
Are you still taking pictures? You were always so good at it.
Yeah, I've actually been doing wildlife photography.
- It's not a big deal. It's, you know-- - Hello.
How did us getting wine and snacks together
turn into you handing me a list and me finding everything and paying for it?
Because that's how I shop.
Then don't get mad at me if I got the wrong cheese.
- Did you get the wrong cheese? - I got the wrong cheese.
- Hey. I'm Jimmy. I'm Liz's errand boy. - Hey, I'm Mac.
- Short for Macaulay? - No.
Oh, bummer.
How do you two know each other?
- Old friends. - Sex.
Two of my favorite things.
Well, it was great to see you.
You too, Lizzie.
Don't say it. Don't say it.
Lizzie.
I told you not to say it.
I'm not being weird. I promise nothing is wrong.
Are you sure? 'Cause you can tell me anything.
The only thing I can't handle is a liar, 'cause I don't do secrets.
- I'm in my honesty era. - Hey.
Summer, is that my shirt?
I found it in a basket.
I got glitter on it. My B, pimp. I'll go change.
- Thanks, Summer. - No problem.
- Oh, my God. You hate her. - I don't hate her.
I just hate everything she says and does.
I love this for you.
I wish Gaby was here,
but thanks to Jimmy's sad and selfish penis,
she's once again not coming.
My penis is neither of those things.
It's optimistic and it always puts others first.
So, your penis is like Elmo?
Same color. Much deeper voice though.
Tickle me. Tickle me.
Stop. No, stop. Stop that.
My dick sounds like André the Giant.
Hello, lady. Anybody want a penis?
Would anyone like some wrong cheese?
I'll take some, Lizzie.
We ran into this guy who calls her Lizzie.
You... you ran into Mac?
Were you gonna tell me?
It was nothing.
What? I don't know what's going on here.
- I didn't think anything bothered Derek. - No, I'm not jealous.
I mean, I don't care about any of the people she slept with before me.
Not her college boyfriend, not Lenny Kravitz...
Really?
Well, I mean, I thought he was Lenny Kravitz
and he didn't correct me for quite some time.
There's something about this Mac guy that just gets under my skin.
Here we go.
If she asked him to run away with her, he wouldn't think twice.
Gone. Poof. Puff of smoke.
- And it's so disrespectful, right? - Yeah.
Right.
- Dude. - I'm sorry.
I'm really... Seriously, I'm sorry.
- Hey, Dad. - Oh, good. You found your wallet.
Yeah. Unfortunately, it still does not have a credit card inside of it.
Can I borrow some money for some school stuff?
What kinda school stuff?
A smash burger.
- That sounds about right. - Yeah.
- Hey. - Hi.
I'm sorry. I had to.
- You had to... - You slut!
- How could you? - Shit!
Hey, easy!
My boob!
Hey, Summer. Use your words.
You said he looked like one of the little statue boys who pee in fountains
and you fucked him anyway.
Summer, hold up.
Do not follow me!
- You okay? - Yeah, I'm fine.
Well, sad for Connor.
Happy for me.
Hey. How's the boob?
It hurts.
This is why I never fuck with redheads.
My hands are covered in glitter.
I deserved that.
I'm really such a piece of shit.
Hey. Don't go there.
I wanna start this conversation...
by letting you know that I am a sex-positive dad.
Gross. No, we're not doing that.
Thank God.
What do you think's going on?
I mean, you never really seemed that interested in Connor.
I don't wanna talk about it.
Okay.
I did kinda feel like we were starting to get to the point
where we could share anything.
Do you really believe that or are you just trying to guilt me right now?
Can it be both?
This is the part I normally storm away but I'm in pain.
Do you want me to do it for you?
- Sure. - God, Dad.
And you know, I would come home more
if my sister wasn't always up my ass all the time.
You know, former addicts are always just so judgy. It's like, shit.
So, you grew up taking care of an addict and then you married one.
Interesting.
Cool observation, Paul. Definitely never thought of that.
Look, I get the family shit.
My daughter comes to town to give a speech
and now she, my cardboard son-in-law and my ex-wife are in my home.
I assume they plan on murdering me with small talk.
What's your ex-wife like? Is she a hot piece of ass like Julie?
Nobody's as hot as Julie.
That's the correct answer, and I will report that back to my queen.
My man! She's so hot.
Listen, I know you said you needed some space.
I don't mean to cross--
could you just stop talking for just a second?
- Why? - So I can leave.
I am so bored with this shit.
- Okay. - Everyone is.
Who's everyone, Paul? It's just three of us who work here.
Gaby, look, I need some help with Alice.
I heard about that tit punch.
That's crazy Connor has two hot girls fighting over him.
That poor little cherub has no idea he peaked at 19.
I just wish I knew why Alice did it, you know? But she won't talk to me.
Tell me you didn't guilt her.
I don't guilt children.
I guilted her so bad.
Why do you always have to make shit about you?
You wanna be friends again?
Real friends tell each other hard truths, so here you go.
All Alice needs is to feel loved, and maybe take her out and cheer her up
so she doesn't feel like the whole world is ending.
You don't need to know why she bonked her best friend's boyfriend.
She knows why she did it.
Besides, nobody's hiring you to teach a master class
on how to choose an appropriate fuck buddy.
I know you're just being mean but that would be a super popular class.
You didn't have to drive me.
Are you kidding? I wanted to.
That's what you decided to wear on your first day of school?
You look like a police sketch.
I'm sure Summer already told everybody about what I did,
so it's time to go be the school slut.
You know what?
Put your seat belt back on.
What? Why?
Okay.
A tattoo? Really?
You're turning 18 in a few weeks.
I figure you're gonna get one whether I say yes or not.
Definitely.
Though, I was gonna get it somewhere you'd never see.
For all I know, you did that already.
You laughed way too hard at that.
Here you go, grumpy. Eat something.
Well, you must be a saint.
The only thing I can think of worse than being in a relationship with Paul
is being in a relationship with an old Paul.
Luckily, he's afraid of me.
Congrats.
There he is.
How cool is it that Susie and Julie are hitting it off?
So cool, Dave.
Hope they talk about how I fuck.
- Right. Well... So, how are-- - Get me a glass of red wine, will you?
Yep. Coming up.
I'm lucky for every hour I get past sunset.
Here's Kevin.
Why does he call you Kevin?
He's trying to keep me grounded, but it's not working.
- Hello, beautiful Julie. - Brian.
And you must be beautiful Susan. Charmed, I'm sure.
- I like him. - Yeah, he's very sparkly.
Sorry that I'm late. I was meeting someone.
And I got your all-caps email.
The answer is no, you can't sue your neighbor for hosting a drum circle.
It's weekly, Kevin.
All right, everyone. Grab your cocktails. We're playing running charades.
Dad, your favorite.
- What's running charades? - How the fuck would I know?
Listen. Before you play, I made the revisions to the family trust.
- I just need Susan to sign this. - Susan.
We probably should've done this back when Mason was born,
but Paul was busy hiding from me for 20 years.
- You're fun. - Thank you.
- She's fun. - So fun.
Yeah. Hey, Dave.
So, what I was trying to tell you earlier--
- No. - Nope.
You gotta get me outta here.
No, no. Do not involve me in this.
I won't.
Everyone, I'm sorry. I gotta go to Kevin's office and sign this thing.
There's some problem. He'll explain why.
I need Paul to sign this
- in front of a notary... - Oh, man.
...and the only guy I know can't walk, so we gotta go to him.
It's a tragic story really.
Jesus Christ.
- Hi. - Is that Mac?
Tell him I said hi.
And Mac's a stupid name.
How you doing?
It's a total shit show here.
Derek's torturing me
and Connor's gone back into full whiny bitch mode.
- Mom? - Yes, sweetheart?
Can I watch TV in your room?
Of course. I love you so much.
Oh, my God. What a puss. How are you?
Prepping for the worst, but you know, we got this.
We are strong, Black women.
Okay. I'ma let you get away with that just this once.
- Copy that. - Bye.
You think 'cause you got that big-ass water bottle
that you better than everybody?
Mind your own damn business, Mr. Bailey.
Shit.
You waiting on an invite
or did you just forget this is your house since you never visit?
Dragging me from the front porch, huh?
She porch-drag everybody.
- Shut the fuck up, Mr. Bailey. - Yeah, be quiet, Mr. Bailey.
- Damn. - Damn.
Looking like a Splash Mountain operator.
Dad, are you not gonna look?
No. But it sounds and smells amazing.
Done.
- What's "TL" stand for? - It's my mom's initials.
Hey, what was the deal with Mom's tattoos?
Was there any special meaning behind the skeleton on the skateboard?
There was, as a matter of fact.
It meant that she was very drunk that night, so...
You want some ink? Give you a buy one, get one.
I don't think I'm really interested in a discount tattoo.
Dad, it would mean a lot to me if we both had Mom's initials tattooed.
Are you guilting me now?
Please?
Fuck.
So, what was that back at your place?
- No, thank you. - Oh, come on. You can talk to me.
We're in the cone of silence.
Did you ever cheat on one of your romantic partners?
Not sure how much you know about the gay community in California
but we're very big on monogamy.
Well, in the '60s it was the opposite.
How about that?
For the record, I've never cheated on Charlie.
Susan and I got married so fucking young.
And just when Meg came along, my career took off.
Books, speaking tours, the whole deal.
We grew apart.
So you were a cliché.
I'm not interested in your participation in my story.
Yeah, right.
We had a big fight. Didn't speak for days.
And then one morning, she calls my hotel room and says she's sorry
but what she doesn't know is that there's another woman in my bed.
Gasp.
Sorry.
I admitted it and she took Meg away so fast.
I was so full of shame that I didn't really fight back.
I have no idea why she wants to reconnect now.
Why don't you just ask her?
Because if it's got anything to do with the past, I'm not interested.
So you're scared?
I'm not scared.
I'm apprehensive.
A solid synonym for scared.
I love pain.
Okay.
Drive me home now, Kevin.
Dad. Dad.
Dad.
Is that one needle?
That's one needle? That's one needle? Is that one needle?
Answer me! Is that one needle? I just wanna know how many needles it is.
Her eyes have gotten so bad.
She needs the cataract surgery.
I'm afraid she gon' hurt herself.
And she always got a tit out.
I mean, Mom's tits have always been out. She's proud of 'em.
And you know she's stubborn. She might not even listen to me.
Oh, please.
She's gonna be all, "Gaby, my baby angel.
Are you tired? Why don't you lay your head on my loose titty?"
Okay.
- There's my baby angel. - Mama.
- Oh, Mama. - It's so good to see you.
You hair looks amazing.
See, I told you her eyes aren't working.
Oh, my God, be quiet.
It's a 15-minute in-office procedure. What are you so afraid of?
I know they cut open your eyeball.
How else they gon' get in there?
I don't want 'em in there.
Then you can't drive no more--
- Okay. - Who are you talking...
- Wait, wait. Mom. - You a danger to the road.
What?
Mom, can you please get the surgery? For me?
All right, fine. For you.
But I don't want no eye patch though. I ain't no damn pirate.
Okay, now you say "Thank you,"
and then I will say "You're welcome."
Fuck you, Gaby.
You are welcome.
The shelter isn't using my dog pics.
They say it's easier to just take them on their phones and post them.
Do you believe this shit?
Okay.
I know you love giving me the silent treatment,
but remember if it goes longer than two days I start to like it.
I'll talk to you this weekend.
Goddamn, I just talked.
Hey, Connor.
I was thinking, with Summer,
why don't you just be grateful for the amazing
and emotional nine days you had together?
- Ten. - Even more meaningful.
But you've got to go back to college in a positive headspace.
I mean, the semester starts soon, yeah?
Classes started last week.
I was having such a good time with Summer
and now I feel like I have to stay so that I can fix this.
Please don't be mad.
I feel like you're mad.
I'm not mad.
I just need some air though.
- Hey, Liz. - Oh, my God, he's everywhere.
Check this out. I got matching tattoos with Alice.
That's Tia's initials.
At first, I thought it might be tricky, you know, when I start dating again,
to have another woman's initials on my arm,
but then I realized it's a pretty cool way to tell someone my wife's dead.
Not now, Jimmy.
Everything okay?
Earth to Lizzie.
Lizzie, you okay? Lizzie.
You can't help yourself, can you?
Fine. Do you know where Alice got the idea for a tiny tattoo?
From me. From my tiny tattoos.
We came up with it back when I was raising her for you.
And do you know what I just found out?
Connor's school just started, but he's not there,
because he's in my kitchen crying because your daughter slept with him
and fucking exploded his life.
- Oh, boy. - Oh, boy. Oh, boy.
- I don't sound like that. - That's exactly how you sound.
Listen, Connor is the one who cheated.
Do you really think there's a world where Connor gets to choose who he fucks?
- No. - I feel like I'm losing it, Jimmy.
And every time I feel that way, I can trace it back to one person.
Yeah. You.
And many, many thanks for bringing Sean into my life
so I could start a business and find my purpose.
"Find your purpose, Liz."
Now, it's turned into a giant shit pie that I have to eat.
- It's not my fault that you went-- - I am not done yet.
You totally fucked up our friend group with your needy penis.
Maybe it's not sad or selfish, but it's so needy.
- It's okay. - And then,
you mess with Pam's construction crew.
Now they're throwing bottles into our yards.
And normally, Derek would help me through my meltdown,
but thanks to you, he's not speaking to me,
and for some reason, I don't like it this time.
I apologized for that and you forgave me.
You're unforgiven. You are fucking unforgiven.
And you're the original unforgiver.
But you don't care. You don't do anything about it.
Like with Gaby.
I finally had a cool friend.
I even bragged to all the people I hate about her,
but because she doesn't come around here anymore,
they don't believe she's real.
And yes, I might've said she was 7' tall.
But you drove her away and you've done nothing about it.
You're just sitting around
waiting for someone to gallop in on their white horse
and fix everything for you because that's what you fucking do.
Right? Isn't it?
Fuck you, Jimmy.
This was a fun day.
If you go the adoption route, I have a few questions.
And remember, there are no wrong answers.
Okay, first up, any racial preferences?
What's Pedro Pascal?
Maybe there are some wrong answers.
Okay, next question.
Would you be willing to consider a child with a medical condition
who may require extra care?
Of course.
No.
I can see you.
You can just say no. Lots of bad people say no.
I have a question.
What if this baby doesn't take to me?
Can we send it back?
Well, there are no returns, but there is a 30-day exchange policy.
- Really? - No. It's a baby.
Is this how it's going to be?
You'll get used to it.
I don't think I will.
So, let me see. You embarrassed yourself by being yourself?
How is that my fault?
Because, thanks to you,
I'm freaking out that I'm gonna end up with an estranged daughter
and an ex who won't speak to me.
Just talk to your ex.
You don't even know why she's here.
Maybe she found a painting worth a billion dollars and you get half.
It could be fun news.
Susan.
Why are you here?
I had a friend who recently got diagnosed with Parkinson's.
She died a few months later.
And I felt like you and I should talk again before you die.
You were right.
Fun news.
I like it. Why don't you brainstorm on it
and then we will actually get more into that next week.
Sounds good. Thanks, Professor Evans.
All right. Bye.
Professor Evans?
Okay. Well, can you please go pick up Mom from her surgery on Monday?
I'd super appreciate it. Thank you.
No, I can't, actually, because I have clients all day
and then I have class...
Why? What are you doing?
I'm sorry. I'm not allowed to have a life?
Come on. This is why you live here.
No, I live here to wait on Mom and drive her back and forth to dialysis.
You know what it's like to take care of somebody 24-7?
I do actually, because growing up I did it.
We all did.
Do you know how many sacrifices I had to make for you?
Do you know how many school dances I missed out on,
because we were getting you in and out of rehab?
I could've ground on so many dudes.
- You did fine. - Whatever.
Spare me the pity party, all right. It's your turn to come through.
I know I spent the past couple years taking care of Mom
because that's my penance.
I put everyone through hell.
I just didn't think I'd have to spend the rest of my life paying for it
while you get to go out there and just live yours.
Nothing else to say? I thought people paid you to talk.
Actually they pay me to listen.
I have been avoiding you because I'm a coward.
Not how I would've phrased it.
What would you say?
Little baby chicken bitch.
It's better.
To be honest with you, I thought you were coming out here to make me feel guilty.
But if I practice what I preach,
I really should have met you with more goodwill.
Great call on these pliers, Dad.
Yeah. Perfect for deveining shrimp.
Yeah. And there's no one I'd rather devein shrimp with than you.
Okay.
Look, I want to talk to you about something.
I followed you home the other night.
- I saw you live with your therapist. - Yeah.
What's really going on? I'm not mad, I just want it to make sense.
I want us to be able to be around each other
while we still can.
Remember Meg's boring school plays?
We used to pass around that flask and play pick-and-sip.
Every time a kid picked his nose, we'd take a drink.
Nasty little fuckers got us hammered.
How did we get here? Why can't we be around each other at all?
Because I cheated.
And I fucked it all up.
I couldn't forgive myself, so how could you forgive me?
Paul, you're forgiven.
Jesus, I forgave you a long time ago.
You could've told me.
Where would be the fun in that?
Yeah, you were an asshole, but I resented your success.
And I know I made things harder for you.
Everyone okay out here?
We're all good.
Talking.
This is good.
Still, no matter what we did to each other,
we made Meg.
And she's perfect.
Yeah, she is.
And now Mason. Can you believe how lucky we are?
What about Dave?
I didn't mention him, did I?
Susan, thank you for this.
And them.
When you're connected by so much family and love,
forgiveness is the easy part.
So, I asked for your help and maybe I didn't do it right but...
I guess it felt like you let me down and I didn't know how to tell you.
Maybe I didn't wanna tell you.
I knew this shit would happen.
Fucking therapists.
Always telling you to blame the parents.
Nobody told me to blame you.
Now, what was the worst thing I did?
Was it the 23 years of loving you no matter what?
Was it draining my savings to hang with you in this fucking truck
even though I have a full-time job?
Tell me what I did to let you down.
Tell me.
Exactly.
Save the bullshit for someone else.
Jimmy, what the hell are you doing here?
Just so you know my intentions are pure.
What the fuck, dude?
Shit! That is a mistake. I thought I was wearing black underwear.
Look, I'm here because I feel like you might need some support.
And for whatever reason, your mom and your sister seem to really like me.
That's 'cause I used to tell them you were fucking awesome.
I'm not doing a very good job at giving you your space.
And I will be better about that.
If now's not a good time, I totally get it and I'll split.
You coming inside or what?
And then Courtney has the nerve to call me out
like I'm holding her hostage or some shit.
Can you believe that?
What's happening?
I drove over here to be supportive of you,
but then you also said that friends tell each other hard truths.
This is awful. Can I take a quick shower?
No. Spit it out.
- Your sister's right, Gaby. - Oh, my God. Fuck off.
Come on, she is. She's right. You know it.
Goddamn it.
Sorry.
Do you want me to split now?
Nice try.
Dinner's gonna suck balls, so you're staying.
- Do they know we slept together? - No.
Then I got my icebreaker.
You're stupid.
- Hey. - Hey.
I DoorDashed you tacos, but they brought me the wrong order,
so here is CVS-brand Robitussin and those acne nose pore strips.
Actually sounds like a fun night.
I'm really sorry for messing everything up.
You hurt Connor, and I love him more than anyone in the world.
But I love you second best.
You have two other sons.
I said what I said.
You and me, we're gonna be good, right?
You've got a rock. I just need a little time.
Okay.
- Was that enough time? - Almost.
As you can see, we can improve photovoltaic absorption
with semi-conductor materials, fine-tuned for specific spectral ranges.
I should mention these...
- Come on. - Yeah, child.
I put a little sugar in it too.
- The sure is Gouda. - Get your elbow off the table, baby.
- Yeah. Get your elbow-- - Oh, Lord have mercy--
They picked up the trash cans this morning.
Why are your garbage cans still on the street?
Why the hell are you in our lawn?
We're not doing this with you, Mr. Bailey.
You're a garbage can.
Yeah. Screw you, Mr. Bailey.
You don't do that.
You show that man some respect.
He's a veteran. Apologize to him.
Yes, ma'am.
I'm sorry, sir.
Thank you for your service.
There. Good.
Now, get on out of here. Crazy person.
That motherfucker. Yeah.
What the fuck?
You forgot that.
Don't take another step unless you wanna get your ass beat.
Big mistake.
- You really want this? Come get it. - Okay. Here he comes.