I'm telling you, this is gonna work.
[Stevie Wonder's "Uptight" playing]
♪ Baby, everything is all right ♪
[laughing]: Oh!Ah!
I told you they'd like Stevie!They're kicking!
Do you feel that?Oh, my God.
♪ Out of sight
You hear that, Big Three in there, huh?
[laughs]Wow, that's crazy!
♪ From across the railroad track ♪[laughs]
♪ Only shirt I own is hangin' on my back ♪
♪ But I'm the envy of every single guy ♪
♪ Since I'm the apple of my girl's eye... ♪
♪
Farrah.
As in Fawcett? Yeah.
Yeah, I actually like Farrah.
All right.
God, I like
you pregnant.
Right?Uh-huh.
I love being pregnant.
How much do you love being pregnant?
I love it a lot.
Think we can make some quintuplets?
[laughs][chuckles]
[chuckles]
♪
Jack, I have to pee.
Yep.
All right. Ready?[grunts]
One, two, three.
[grunts]Okay.
I hate being pregnant.
[grunting]
[clicks tongue]Whoa.
None of my shoes fit me.
Really? Um, well, hey, uh...No.
...why don't we get out of the house today
and we'll go buy some new ones.
No. [groans] My stomach literally cannot stretch
any more, Jack. There's no more room in there.
Just six weeks away, babe. Just six weeks, okay?
And they said that triplets come early. So we're almost there.
There are three human beings inside of me,Jack.
And they're all lining up to go down the waterslide,
and we don't have anything done for them yet.
We have cribs.
And we-we have
Big Three onesies.We have cribs
inside a barely finished house
that is littered with moving boxes.
I have a million things that I have to do.
And I'm gonna have to duct tape garbage bags
to my swollen clown feet to get any of it done.
[phone ringing]
I got it.No, no, no. Jack,
don't run away from this conversation.
I'm not done talking yet!I'm just answering the phone, dear.
Hello?
Hey, it's Miguel.
Just calling to wish you a happy birthday.
Hey, thanks, man.
So, what do you guys got planned for the big day?Um...
She, uh... she went to the dark side, man.
Yeah. I actually think she forgot my birthday.
Yeah, well, that happens.
Why don't you come out with me for a few hours?
Shelly took the kids to Jersey. Give Rebecca some space.
It's your last birthday of freedom.
Yeah...Jack!
When you're done talking with your girlfriend,
can you bring up some toilet paper?!
Hey, Miguel, pray for me, okay?
All right, man.Yeah.
♪
[water running]
♪
DR. K: I hope you didn't forget, hon,
Peter and the kids are coming over today.
Don't worry, I took the day off.
Gonna go by the store later and get some junk cereal
for the little ones.
I know, I know.
It's bad for their teeth.
But it's what they like.
And I'll be damned if I'll be the first grandfather
in human history to deny his grandchildren.
MAN: Bless me, Father, for I have sinned.
It's been two weeks since my last confession.
PRIEST: Tell me your sins.
I lied to my wife.
She hates when I smoke, so I told her I stopped.
Well, actually, I did stop.
Haven't had a cigarette in a week.
But yesterday I bought a pack.
I just wanted to hold 'em, you know?
You should tell her
the truth.
Uh...
Yeah, I know.
Thing is, Father, we actually...
haven't exactly been in a great place lately.
For a while, really.
Which kinda blows.
Sorry, Father.
Because the best moment of my life was the morning I met her.
She rear-ended me.
Totally her fault.
I got out of my car to go scream at her...
but I saw her face.
And I walked right up to her and stuck out my hand like an idiot
and said, "Hi, I'm Joe.
"Don't worry about what just happened.
Could I take you out for a cup of coffee?"
So that's why I'm really here, Father.
I was wondering if I could be so bold to...
ask you for a little miracle.
♪
[engine starts]
♪
[sighs]
[sighs deeply]
It's hot.
I'm so hot. Are you hot?
Not really...It's hot.
So hot.Yeah.
[sighs]Hey,
why don't we go to the movies today, huh?
Mm-hmm.Yeah? Go see a double feature?
They got AC all day, snacks, popcorns,
all that stuff, yeah?
I want to be alone.
Wait, you what?
Jack, the house isn't done. It's not ready.
There are moving boxes everywhere.
I trip over them all the time. There just...
There are too many things in this house, and I need you
not to be one of them.Babe, the house isn't...
Get out!
Wow.
What?
Nothin'.[scoffs]
[bowl clatters]Oh, I see.
Okay, so now I'm the crazy wife
who's making your life totally miserable,
huh?I'm not miserable. I'm just...
I'm-I'm starting to get stress vertigo
any time we have a conversation about a...
a grocery list or, you know, any conversation,
for that matter. But...Huh.
...you are carrying my children,
so I'm gonna leave you to your afternoon.
Thank you, sweetheart. Hey, baby?
Yes, babe.
I love you so much.
I love you. [chuckles]
But do not come back into this house
until you've had a major attitude change.
[groans]
[exhaling]
Hey, God.
I know we only talk during
playoff season,
but if you're listening...
I'm concerned that my wife might be possessed by demons.
Hey!
Thanks again for the bathroom sex
at Froggy's, Jack!
[sighs]
Oh, God.
[grunts]
Mmm.
[groans]
I'm a monster.
Guys... [sighs] ...when are you coming out?
How much longer?
Okay.
[smacks lips] One, two...
Mm, mm, mm...
[groans]
I am a monster.
[sighs]
♪
Nathan?
Nice to see you out and about.
Oh, hello, Anne. Yeah.
That stuff will rot your teeth,
you know.Ah.
Well, Peter's coming over with the kids, so...
Ah.
Yeah, I can't seem to take it off.
Nor should you.
After I lost Donnie...
Well, it takes time, is all.
[softly]: Yeah.
You look thin.
[chuckles] Just old.
If you're old, I'm ancient.If you're ancient,
I'm dead.
[chuckles]
Well, I better get going.
Yeah.
Nathan.
If you need a good meal or...
just some company down the road,
I'd love to make you dinner sometime.
Well, I'm always on call, is the thing.
You never know when this thing's gonna go off,
and...
Plus, you know, babies...
like to come at dinnertime.
[laughs] Of course. I understand.
Well, you take care of yourself, Nathan.
Yeah. You, too.
Hey.
I'm back. WOMAN: Hey.
Went to church.
Saw Father Williams.
Oh, yeah? Good.
He's going to put us in his prayers.
Well, that should do it.
What have I done now, Samantha?
[quietly]: Nothing.
You know what I asked him to help me with? Father Williams?
I asked him to save my marriage.
[wry chuckle]
I see.
Interesting to hear.
[sighs]
I'm due at the station.
So, what are we doing here again?
'Cause it's your birthday.
And my gift to you is this-- showing you the way.
Golf?Golf.
Nah, man, it's... it's not my thing, pal.
Last I checked it's not your thing, but...What?
I'm just... I want to get back to Bec.
What? No, no, no.I'm-I'm gonna take off...
Give her space.[sighs]
There's gonna be plenty of time for you
to become a martyr, I promise.
Right now we need to get you some new clubs.
No, look, I-I don't want to spend the money.
Wrong. Being a father means that every once in a while
you get to buy yourself something.
Because your kids get everything else.
Uh...
Look at these guys. I-I don't like golf.
Nobody likes golf.
I don't like golf.
But that doesn't matter.
We need to get you some new shoes.Yeah?
Let's go.
Match your pink pants?
♪ [panting]
[quietly]: Okay.
Um...
Where is...
Yes.
Okay.
Cake. All right.
Mm.
Yeah, I can do that.
[grunts]: Okay.
Really?
Sugar.
Okay. Shelly.
Hi, Shelly. It's Rebecca.
I am the worst, most terrible wife in the entire world.
I totally forgot that it's Jack's birthday today.
And all he was doing was trying to make me feel better,
and I kicked him out of the house.
I kicked him out of the house on his birthday, Shelly.
And I don't have a car,
and I really want to make him this...
fancy chocolate almond cake for his birthday.
Oh, God. And I usually do this, like, really...
sexy Marilyn Monroe-style birthday dance for him, and...
Oh, my God. He's gonna leave me.
He's gonna leave me for some...
some hot, not crazy dental hygienist named Stephanie
who doesn'tforget his birthday.
[panting]
I guess you're not home, huh?
This is Rebecca.
Did I say that?
Okay, bye.
[continues panting]
Okay.
Who wants to go to the grocery store? Huh?
All of you do. Great. Okay.
Let's go.
[intro to Stevie Wonder's "Uptight" playing]
♪
[Rebecca singing along]: ♪ Baby
♪ Everything is all right
♪ Uptight
♪ Out of sight
♪ Baby
♪ Everything is all right
♪ Uptight...
[child yelling]WOMAN: Stop it.
Do you want me to bust that bottom?[continues yelling]
You know what? I don't... I don't care...
Will you stop? No.[yelling continues]
Sorry. No, Charlie, Charlie...
♪ Is all right
♪ Uptight
♪ Out of sight, baby...
You look good, Dad.
WOMAN: You really do.
DR. K: Well, those Jane Fonda tapes
must be working their magic.
[chuckles]
Seen the new Star Warsfilm yet?
Empire Strikes Back?
It's got a real twist for an ending.
Life has enough twists.
Alli liked Ordinary People,the new one with Mary Tyler Moore.
Oh. Your mom liked her. [chuckles]
Well, you should check it out.
Maybe see if a friend wants to join you for a flick.
There anybody out there you might like to...
take to a movie? A friend?
My son is about as subtle as an elephant with gas.
Why don't you tell me some more about this, uh,
Ordinary Peoplemovie?
Well...
it was really moving to see Mary play
such a complicated mother-- you don't see that often.
MIGUEL: Tony, Carl,
this is my best friend, Jack.
Today's his birthday.
Oh, happy birthday, man.Happy birthday!
Thank you.And his wife is pregnant with triplets.
OTHERS: Oh. Ooh.
Come on, it's not gonna be that bad.
Oh, Jack, come on, now, I...
I love you, and I'm excited for you.
You are a superhero, but don't
kid yourself-- triplets are
[chuckling]: gonna be bad.
So we're buying him his first set of golf clubs.
No, look, you're not buying anything.
He's skeptical.You're gonna love golf, Jack.
A round of golf takes at least four hours--
five if you suck, which, luckily, most of us do.
Five blissful hours
where your wife won't tell you that you're holding them wrong
or feeding them wrong or just being generally wrong.
[chuckles]
Jack.
Sorry.You all right?
Yeah, I just...
just keep thinking about my wife and how I just...
want to get home to her,
hang out with her, make sure she's okay.
Which is crazy, because she's at her absolute worst right now.
I mean, like, Exorcistlevel bad.
But I still don't want to escape her.
Or my future vomiting, crap-riddled kids.
I just... I want more time with them.
I want to freeze time with them,
so-so that I can get a little bit more.
Well, thanks, Miguel.
I think I amgonna buy myself a present.
Great.Yeah, just not here.
Hmm.Nice to meet you guys.
You, too.Have a good game.
Well, that guy's gonna make us look bad.
[sighs heavily]
[panting]: Hi.
Okay, I need to make...
a fancy chocolate almond cake
as fast as humanly possible.
Okay.So I'm gonna need...
butter...
sugar, flour, almonds...
[continues panting]
...and semisweet chocolate.
Ma'am, this is a liquor store.
I know. I know.
But it says that it's "liquor and more."
So where's the more?
[sighs heavily]
[chuckling]: You were the only store within walking distance.
Really?
[continues panting]
Okay. What's your name?
Teddy.
I'm Rebecca.
Hi.
Teddy, here's the deal.
[panting]
I haven't slept well in the last couple of nights, right?
I cry when my socks are mismatched.
And I was really, really, really mean to my husband.
Really mean to him.
And he's pretty much perfect.
I've seen what else is out there.
So I need to make him something for his birthday.
Do you understand me?
I need to make him something homemade.
It doesn't have to be fancy
chocolate almond cake. It just has to be homemade,
something that I make with my own two hands
so he can see how much I love him.
'Cause I was really mean.
Do you understand?
Yeah. I got, um, banana muffins.
[sighs heavily]
I'll take a banana muffin.
Do you have icing?Uh...
I got Twinkies.
You can squirt out the insides.
Uh...
yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.
I can... work with that, I guess.
I'll take six Twinkies.
[laughs]: Okay.
Uh, that'll be, uh, $4.25.
$4.25. Okay.
[sighs] Okay.
Thank you, Teddy.
It was nice meeting you.
You, too.Thank you so much.
Uh, Teddy?
[TV sports announcer speaking indistinctly]
[doorbell buzzes]
MAN: I got it.
I need to stretch. I'll grab it.
[baby coos]
Hey, you.
Where'd you come from?
[baby fussing]
[indistinct chatter on TV]
[baby crying]
Someone just left him. Right at the door.
Just like that, like in the movies.
We should take him to the precinct.
Cops'll know what to do.
What do you think'll happen to him?
He'll go in the system, probably.
I'm sure they got a routine in place for this type of thing.
You know, foster care or adoption.
Whatever.
I'll take him over to the precinct.
You're a little miracle, aren't you?
Aren't you?
♪
[grunts softly]
[sighs]
[exhales]
Hey, little bugs.
I'm sorry I've been complaining so much lately.
'Cause I really enjoyed having you as my sidekicks this year.
You have really great taste in music, by the way.
[chuckles]
I guess I'm just, um...
I'm a little... overwhelmed.
Not about meeting you guys-- I can't wait to meet you guys.
I can't wait to meet you guys.
I know I'm getting a little ahead of myself,
but I can't wait to make Halloween costumes for you,
which is weird, because I'm not a big Halloween person.
[giggles softly]
I've been acting out lately.
I've been terrible to your dad, who is just...
perfect.
He is so perfect.
Oh, my God,
you guys are going to freak out
when you see how awesome your dad is.
Honestly, you're gonna be...
huge fans.
I think I'm nervous about you guys meeting me.
I don't know how much you can tell from in there,
but I am not gonna be the perfect mom
you've probably been dreaming about.
You guys dream, right?
I think so.
I'm impatient.
And I'm...
stubborn.
And, uh... [sniffs]
...I stole an Abba-Zaba bar
from the grocery store in fourth grade.
And I'm... terrified
that I'm gonna make a hundred wrong decisions
and ruin the chances that you guys have
to lead the perfect lives that you deserve, but...
I will protect you fiercely.
And I will always sing to you
when you can't sleep.
And I will always be excited to hear you laugh.
I bet you guys are gonna have wildly different laughs, huh?
[giggles]
I love you so much it hurts, and I haven't even met you yet.
It's crazy.
Mm.
So, I guess what...
I'm trying to say is, um...
you are gonna have to take the good with the bad
when it comes to me. [sniffs]
So, now that you know all of this,
are you still...
excited to come and join me out here, huh?
I'll take that as a yes.
JACK: You are so beautiful.
Jack, what are you doing?[chuckling]
Where did you get that thing?
Eh, I thought that we needed it.
Babe, wait, have you been filming me this whole time?
Yeah.No.
It's okay, don't worry, it doesn't-it doesn't
get sound, just picture.
Turn it off.Uh-uh.
[chuckles]
Come here.
Come here, baby.
I forgot your birthday.
It's okay.No,
it's not okay, 'cause you are
the world's greatest husband.
And you're gonna be the world's greatest dad.
And I promise you, me and the kids--
we're gonna make you those cheesy mugs every year
for your birthday.
Yeah?Yeah.
And I-I...
got you the world's worst birthday present.
And I made you the world's worst birthday cupcake
down in the kitchen, but I don't know--
I had to do something.[laughing]
Oh.
Oh, that is...
that is exactly what I wanted.No, it's not.
Well, there is a certain dance
that I look forward to every year...
Jack.Yeah.
No. Stop. I was...
I was actually thinking like, um,
I don't know, like, a shoulder rub.
Eh...Babe.
None of my lingerie is gonna fit me.
That's okay.
Birthday tradition doesn't care.
Mm-hmm.
Okay.
Yeah? Yeah?Yeah. All right, cowboy.
So, I'll meet you in the bedroom
in five minutes.
You know what to do.Mm-hmm.
Strip down to your birthday suit.
Uh-huh.Okay.
Okay.Uh-huh.
[whispered conversation]
It's my home, Peter.
I'd appreciate if everyone spoke at full volume.
Now, what's on your mind?
Dad, we're officially worried about you.
Well, that is officially unnecessary.
We miss her, too.
Dad, she's been gone for over a year.
14 months.
Nathan...
you're still a young man.
I mean, you're working, what,
60 hours a week at the hospital?
I wish. That would be a vacation.
Maybe you could take a vacation.
Please stop.
Mom's gone, Dad.
I know she's gone.
You don't think I know she's gone?
I buried her, Peter.
I was married to her for 53 years and I buried her.
I don't need you to tell me she's gone.
And I will never move on,
so stop asking me to.
She's my wife.
She was my life.
And I love you two,
but if you tell me to move on again
you will not be welcome in our home.
[footsteps approaching]
[chattering]There's my grandkids.
Hey, who's ready for some junk that'll rot your teeth out?
SAMANTHA: Hey.
Sam.
What? I'm in the middle of reading something.
What is that?
He was left at the doorstep of the fire house.
The same day I asked Father Williams for a miracle,
he was literally left at our doorstep.
So...
He was meant for us, Sam.
We couldn't have kids,
and we grew apart because of it.
But now...
Stop. Joe, that is not our baby.
That is just some child...
...who was left by a terrible person
at your fire station.
Sam...
I'm sorry, but, God...
come on, Joe.
A baby is not just gonna fix us.
That is a newborn baby.
You need to get it to a hospital.
Now.
Before you get arrested.
♪
[grunts]
[sharp inhale]
Ow.
[moans softly]
JACK: Okay, I'm ready.
Hey, you promise you like your gift?
The towel? It's absolutely terrible.
Suit's on?Yes, ma'am.
Your birthday suit?It's the only one I've got.
I had to put the lingerie on top of my clothes.
I see that.
It wasn't a great moment for me.
Tradition is tradition.
Peter and Alli came over today.
He is your son, through and through,
that's for certain.
Stubborn as a damn mule.
[chuckles]
He thinks he knows something
'cause he's been married for...
what, ten whole years?
I love that boy, but...
my God.
Carol, I'm gonna say something now, and you have
to promise now not to be mad at me.
Every morning, I open the, uh, medicine cabinet,
and I just stare at all your...
Um...
Baby, I don't know if I can keep doing this
without you anymore.
[sniffles, sighs]
And I, uh...
I'm really not sure that I want to.
God, I miss being with you,
and I...
[pager beeping]
Well...
duty calls.
We'll, uh...
finish this conversation another time, okay?
I love you, baby.
I've never heard Dr. Schneider
scream obscenities like that before. Well,
a burst appendix'll do that for you.
Mm. Give me the rundown again.
Uh, Rebecca Pearson, 30 years old.
First-time mother with triplets.
How's the mental state?
She's good. Calm.
I meant the husband.
What the hell could this thing possibly be for?
It's for rectal examinations.
That one's from the dirty pile.
Sorry.
Now, then, I'm Dr. Katowski,
but you can call me Doc or Dr. K,
which is what most people choose to do...
♪ And I look back upon my time ♪
♪ See the snapshots of my life ♪
[baby crying]Shh.
♪ You will not be surprised
♪ See your name across my smile... ♪
[screaming]
First male is out.
♪ See your name across my smile ♪
Something's not right.
♪ And I will remember you Your wife is in distress, Jack.
[rhythmic beeping and whooshing]
♪ I will remember you
[baby crying]
♪ I will remember you
[crying]
♪ The way you are right now... ♪
We lost the third baby, Jack. I'm-I'm very sorry.
I need to be with my wife.
You will be, but she needs to sleep now.
You just sit there.
I lost my wife last year.
Cancer. Five children, 11 grandkids.
But we lost our very first child during the delivery.
♪ And I will remember you
♪ I will remember you
♪ The way you are right now
♪ The way you are right now... ♪
There she is.
Hi.
You did so good.
Yeah.
What's wrong?
[sighs]
We lost one of the babies.
No. No, that's not true.
Yeah.
[voice breaking]: No, that's not true.
[crying]: That's not true.
It's okay.
No! No! No! No! No! It's okay.
No. No, no, no, you're lying to me.
Yeah. We have three babies.
We have a boy and a girl.
We do.
It's okay.
DR. K: I like to think
that maybe one day, you'll be an old man like me,
talking a younger man's ear off, explaining to him
how you took the sourest lemon
that life has to offer...
Which one's yours? Um...
...and turned it into something resembling lemonade.
♪ And I look back upon my time Wow.
How about you? Which one's yours?
♪ See the snapshots None of 'em, actually.
♪ Of my life Strangest damn thing.
Someone left a newborn at my fire station.
♪ You will not be surprised I didn't know what to do,
so I brought him here.
♪ See your name across my smile ♪
Huh.♪ See your name across my smile ♪
Smoke?♪ And I will remember you
No. Thank you. Oh.
♪ I will remember you...
DR. K.: If you can do that,
then you will still be taking three babies
home from this hospital,
just maybe not the way you planned.
♪ The way you are right now.
[rhythmic beeping]
Hi, baby.
I felt all of them, Jack.
I felt all three kicking.
I know.
I really felt like we were meant to have three.
Me, too.
What if we still are?
[door closes]
Hey.
Baby okay?
You're a good man.
What?
We've been awful lately.
Um...
And you find an abandoned baby,
and your first thought is to bring him home.
To try and...
repair us... with him.
It was stupid. Yeah.
But also sweet.
You ever wish we could just start over?
Go back to where we started,
like that first day, you know, just
try to do it all fresh?
Yeah, sometimes. All the time.
It's all I want, honestly--
to start over.
[sighs]
[voice trembling]: Hi. I'm Samantha.
Don't... worry about what happened back there.
Can I take you for a cup of coffee?
Yeah.
God, that was a day.
You hear the latest?What's that?
Couple with the triplets.
He's been asking about the baby from the fire station.
Might be thinking about adopting.
Hmm.
Well, I'm out of here.
Night, Dr. Katowski. Mm-hmm.
I, um...
...told a young man about the baby, yesterday, hon.
I haven't spoken to anybody about that in...
a really long time.
And I, uh... I gave him some advice.
And it seems he may have actually listened to me.
It seems he may have taken the worst thing
that ever happened to him in his life,
and tried to push on.
There isn't a minute that goes by
that I don't think of you.
[voice breaking]: And I...
I hope you know this.
I hope this is what you would want me to do.
I expect it is.
REBECCA: Come on, Randall. Let's go.
Great. You guys ready?
JACK: Yup.
KEVIN: We watch these every year.
Yeah, well, it's my Father's Day, and I pick the movie,
so we're gonna start at the beginning.
What are you saying, Mom?
Secret. [Jack laughs] Can you tell us?
No. Thank you.No?
JACK: No. Just watch okay? Here comes the best part.
DR. K: I like to think
that maybe one day, you'll be an old man like me...
talking a younger man's ear off, explaining to him
how you...
took the sourest lemon that life has to offer
and turned it into something
resembling lemonade.
If you can do that,
then you will still be taking three babies
home from this hospital,
just maybe not the way you planned. [roaring]
♪ See, Mother, I believe
♪ That half of everything I hear is true ♪
♪ Between you and me