Listen to me, once and for all.
If you accept Suresh's wife…
what's her name again?
It's Kam-something or the other, isn't it?
Kwamboka.
-Right! -Yeah…
If you guys "expect" her…
I'll kill myself.
Did you hear me?
I'll kill myself.
I said, I'll kill myself!
No!
Don't try to stop me.
He really didn't try to stop me.
Single malt can solve everything.
Tell me, what's your problem?
Hello, son-in-law?
Where is Falu?
I've been trying to reach her.
We are together. What is it?
Wear your white doctor-coats
and come over, both of you.
-I'm about to commit suicide. -Right now?
Do you expect me to wait for an auspicious time?
-Okay, we're coming. -Come.
-Mom? -Yeah.
She's threatening to commit suicide.
-Again? -Yeah.
-Driver, -Sir!
turn the car around to the suburbs, Bandra.
Do you know where my mother's house is?
No, ma'am.
It's my first day today.
Show him a photo.
Yes.
See…
this is my mother.
We have to go to her house. Let's go.
Pallavi!
Order stuff for my funeral, from Amazon.
I'm about to drink poison.
Canceled your plan to jump, Baa?
-That stupid balcony is too high! -Please go.
-Yes, it is. -Call up Ramesh.
He must be moping around in the shop.
The owl was as white as you. I'll show you.
See, Gregory…
because the entire family was together we could drive the owl away.
Now as you know, Sanju wants to…
You see, us Indians have a belief about owls.
-You know-- -I am Indian too, Ramesh.
No, no…
I mean normal Indians…
no blue eyes.
Give me a minute…
Hello, Always Chemists. Bandra West branch.
-Yes, Sanju… -Dad?
Come home quickly.
Grandma is threatening to consume poison.
Which one?
Tetrodotoxin or carbon tetra chloride?
If it's tetrodotoxin--
No one listens to me.
How is your father, Ojaswi?
His diabetes has shot up again.
Nice, nice.
Nice?
-Lalu, hand over the insulin to her. -Okay, sir.
Why are you shaking your heads?
Somebody come up with a plan at least.
My Suresh has been stolen by that…
Kenya-Kumari.
She's neither fair nor a Gujarati!
What's the big deal?
Obsessed with caste, race, religion.
Oh my God!
We're here even though it's our Siberian Husky's--
Its our dog's…
puppies' birthday party today!
When they saw the puppies…
Jatin's cousins went gaga over them.
Such beautiful puppies!
-Show them the photos. -Sure.
See…
Jatin's cousins.
Kashmira saw the puppies and said, "wow!"
And Darshana said, "so sweet. "
The puppies are missing us at their party.
Did you take photos of the puppies or…
Of course we did, Ayushi.
-Okay. -I used my latest 30 megapixel…
Koshita 999 camera
to take photos of the puppies.
Show them the photos.
See this. The Koshita 999 camera…
with which we took the puppies' photos.
Is she really our daughter?
You fool!
You're showing us photos of the camera!
See that Kam-what's her name?
What's her name?!
Ki-Ko-Ka…
-Kwamboka! -Right.
Take a look at her picture.
I won't be able to face the world after what Suresh has done.
You don't need to.
Nobody will miss you.
Grandpa.
Come on, Baa.
Calm down.
Look…
Kwamboka is an educated and beautiful lady--
-Beautiful? -Of course, she is beautiful.
Beautiful!
Judging someone…
for their ethnicity is not fair, Baa.
Tell me something…
how are beauty…
and color of the skin related?
Bang on, Mom!
Even though you and Sheela Auntie are as fair as Santa's ass…
Does it make them beautiful?
What is so funny, my dear son-in-law?
I used to be a bomb when I was young.
Ask him.
Yeah.
I wanted to throw her into the enemy camp!
Rubbish.
Too good, Grandpa.
What's that supposed to mean?
This is what happens when you live separately.
He married a foreigner.
There we go round the Ramesh-berry bush.
Dad, what does Uncle Suru's marriage have to do with us moving out?
-Yes! -Exactly.
For example…
though Sanju lives in a traditional joint family,
he married this "T-shirt and jeans" clad woman.
But thankfully she's an Indian!
But Suresh's wife--
Quiet!
Just because I'm quiet…
Weren't you about to commit suicide?
Get up.
Get up!
Should I leave the cheese samosa uneaten?
I'll feed you cheese samosa!
-Hello, Mimi. -Ramesh…
can you drop me on your way?
I need to pick up Aryan from school.
No, Mom, I'll go.
From now on, I'll drop and pick up Aryan.
Aren't you stretching it too much?
-You've said it clearly-- -What did I say, Mom?
-What did I say, you tell me-- -Enough!
Sorry.
Follow me.
What is this?
Not just the puppies' party,
Jatin has left his heart surgery--
And she, her game of Rummy.
Yeah, my game of Rummy!
We've sacrificed them to be here
and everyone has now left. Why, Sanju?
Why are you asking him?
He's about to leave permanently too…
now that he has bought an apartment for himself, Falu.
I know.
Come on, Sanju. You told me about it.
That Esquire Emperor Tower, 22nd floor.
A nice flat.
I'd just given them a peek…
Dad…
-Hello? -Chandan, get the car.
Get the car?
No! Get your clothes off!
Get my clothes off?
Take my clothes off? Why, sir?
Hello?
Dad…
Dad?
Pallavi, how much salary do you expect from Tisca?
Tisca, she'll at least take 25 thousand rupees
to be your maid-servant-in-law.
-Grandpa-- -I know!
You've never said this.
But Pallavi is convinced
that you treat her like an unpaid servant.
But, Dad…
Tell me something
Tisca said that…
the advantage of staying with you is your support.
But has she asked you to bathe,
feed and look after Aryan?
Has she ever asked you to?
Tell me.
Grandpa…
I have, many times…
No, never.
She has never asked me to, Papa.
-I'm the one who insists-- -I know.
Hemlata did the same.
She'd say, "I'll look after Ayushi,
you two go and watch a film. "
"I'll take Sanju for a haircut. "
Didn't she?
You know why?
Ramesh, Falguni, Suresh…
grew up too soon.
And…
we'd see their childhood
in Sanju and Ayushi.
Children outgrow their childhood…
too fast.
And parents…
never outgrow their parenthood.
And Pallavi, you need to understand.
Being an advantage…
and being taken advantage of…
are very different.
Get up.
Couldn't you have told me all this?
Mom…
-I'm sorry. -Hey…
"Mission Tisca-Pallavi" accomplished.
Now "Operation Hemlata".
Papa!
Oh no, Mother India is back.
What is it now?
All of you have conspired against me.
Sanju had told Falu and Jatin about his new apartment and not me?
Which one, sir?
The one at Esquire Emperor Tower?
-The 22nd floor, isn't it? -Yes.
-When did Sanju tell you, Chandan? -Six months ago.
Here you go, Baa.
Look…
this is Suresh's wife.
Sheela says she looks hot.
Pallavi thinks she's beautiful.
That fool Suresh calls her "caramel custard"!
What do you think of her?
I don't like her, Baa.
Here, have some.
I like simple, ordinary people like you.
She looks like a gorgeous movie star.
Keep it back!
You can eat one.
Yes?
Hemlata, my dear…
Yes…
Pedicure and gossip?
Sure.
But only if Shabnam is available.
The world is one family!
Now do you understand, Hemu dear?
Fine, you can host a party…
for that useless Suresh and his bride from Masai Mara.
That saying is so true…
Hey, Cropped-hair…
what's that saying, "Beauty is telling lies"…
-Beauty lies-- -Please keep quiet.
-What? -Beauty lies in…
the eye of the beholder, Grandma.
Yes.
Love is indeed blind!
Hi.
Mom…
Yes?
Happy belated birthday.
What is this?
The sari wasn't ready last week that's why…
I'm giving it now.
Oh my God!
Wow!
That's so beautiful.
Really!
Baa, see this is such an expensive sari.
Does this have a blouse?
Or will you wear it without one?
Oh God!
Hey, family!
How are you? What's happening?
-Cheers! -Cheers!
Why do you drink from a steel glass, Grandma?
What if someone comes over and sees me drinking?
-Who?! -What if Sheela suddenly lands up?
I am leaving.
-They'll pay you. -Bye!
Hey, Kanakavalli.
How are you?
Suresh sir! How are you?
Congratulations to both of you.
How is your husband?
I don't want to talk about him, Suresh sir.
I kicked his bloody ass out of the house.
Mind your language, Kanakavalli.
Sorry. Suresh sir, I threw my husband out of the house…
after I kicked his bloody ass!
-Kanakavalli… -Dad…
-don't use that word. -He's gonna tell her…
Which one, sir?
Where do we give injections to children?
-On the arm? -He starts…
Lower…
Ass!
Don't use this word.
Fine, I won't use that word. Sorry.
Instead, say buttock or even bum.
-Ramesh, why are you saying "bum"? -Why not?
Move aside. Look.
I'll search the internet and tell you
-an alternative word, okay? -Okay.
Just a minute, Kwamboka.
You wait.
She's searching for an English word for…
-Back… -Backside.
Okay, backside…
Who left this jewelry box open?
Such expensive stuff.
My mother-in-law had given these to me…
-these earrings. -Grandma…
Thought I'll gift them to Suresh's wife but…
Got it!
Derriere, tush, backside, buttocks.
-Okay. I'll try to remember these words. -But…
-Gluteus maximus or glutes. -Correct.
Excuse me, sir.
-Pay the bill, please. -Yes.
-Dad… -Poor thing hasn't got paid.
-Okay. -Yeah, okay…
Ramesh, come here.
And smile!
Come here.
My chicken tandoori in peri peri sauce.
My "begam ka baarta".
"Baingan ka bharta".
Cheers!
Change the channel.
How long will I look at these dressed-up women?
Change it to…
the channel showing hot foreign guys in briefs.
That channel…
This one!
Now this is what you call entertainment!
But he is black, Grandma.
So? I'm not marrying him.
Look at him…
gleaming like a shiny kitchen platform.
The young Denzel Washington.
I could even knead dough on him.
Someone is a naughty girl.
You see, Satin-undies…
when I was young, I had to keep my head and face covered.
Even the sight of my husband's feet
would send me into a tizzy.
You mean no romance?
Oh my God!
Grandma, you're blushing!
Rubbish…
You know what your grandfather was like?
What was he like?
Instant noodles!
Ready in two minutes, anytime, anywhere.
Oh! And?
When I'd be tired after housework,
he'd sit me down,
massage my feet with jasmine-scented oil and ask,
"Hemudi…
do you wish to start our program?"
Program? You mean…
Yes.
In those days of no TV,
we had only one entertainment channel,
"Quickie TV".
But why "quickie"?
Because of my pain-in-the-ass mother-in-law.
She'd keep barging into our room,
and we'd have to hit the pause button.
But it wasn't really her fault.
She became a widow at the age of 22.
She'd be jealous of others' happiness.
That's so sad.
This is sad!
They're showing these women again.
Change the channel. Change it.
Keep changing…
Wait, stop.
Oh my God!
Isn't that your design?
Didn't you email the design?
-I mailed the sketches to three designers. -There you go.
He copied it!
This flamboyant guy!
What's his name?
He is Napoleon Mahapatra and--
You won't be able to do anything about it, even if you try.
Oh, no!
My earrings were in this box.
Don't tell me you didn't keep it back in the cupboard.
Would it be here if I had? Fool.
-Look for it. -I am.
Pallavi. Sanju.
Tisca.
-I'm here. -You, get lost.
Why are you howling, madam Scream-Lata?
Is the owl back?
Not an owl, this time it's a thief.
A thief!
And he stole my precious jewelry.
Pallavi!
What is wrong with you?
Swine flu?
Or is it a hemorrhage?
Spondylitis?
Diarrhea?
Alzheimer's?
He's saying no to everything.
-Sir… -Yes?
Don't take paracetamol. It's useless.
You should take a VintaC 200 injection.
And…
some power "anulom-vilom"
with an inhaler inside your nostril.
Let me show you how.
-You should-- -Chemist Ramesh…
he isn't asking you for medicine recommendations…
we've come here to lodge a complaint.
Right.
Here you go.
The jewelry was a gift
-from my mother-in-law… -Oh, God!
-Inspector… -Yes?
Just a minute.
Can we take a selfie?
-Mom. -Here?
It's not everyday that we come to a police station.
It'll only take a minute.
I'm ready with my camera.
-Okay. -Come on, pose, everyone.
Smile please.
Inspector.
Don't cover your face.
Smile!
-One more. -Sir…
-Smile. -Sir, you…
Let me ask you a blunt question.
Do you suspect any family member?
Who is this?
Son-stealer!
Mendonca, you should go to USA and arrest her.
This woman has stolen my son Suresh.
-Go and nab this thief. -What are you saying, Baa?
He's not able to nab thieves here…
-how would he even go and-- -Dad!
-Yeah, you're right… -What?
I mean…
he has so much work…
he can't run after petty thieves…
he's busy with important work.
He's in charge of passport verification.
He has to regulate traffic during festivals.
There has to be variety in his duty, isn't it?
"Variety"?
-Who are these people? -They are…
This is "Show the Photoand that is "Chandni Chowk to Elco Market".
Are these really their names?
Sir, would anyone have such names?
She's our granddaughter-in-law Tisca.
Tisca.
Sir.
Sir…
You will enjoy it.
-Tisca. -Oh my God!
I look ravishing.
Wow!
You said you'd get me matching earrings.
Where are they?
Anything wrong?
Something is really wrong with me, Latika.
I'm a thief!
Please give me something, sir.
I haven't eaten in two days.
Nor has Sanju!
He has joined an advertising agency.
He left home without eating breakfast.
-I heard that his boss wears leather-- -Ramesh.
He's not here to chat with you, son.
I mean, generally…
Should we give him an orange?
Peel one for him, Baa.
What did he give?
Oh God!
Hello, Queen Ayushi the first!
Shut up! Listen.
Sanju had just called.
The cops are coming home to search the place.
So I have to move the package to your place, okay.
I'm, bringing the package with me, okay?
The beggar was surprised at what chemist Ramesh did--
-Come on, stop it. -Nobody heard what he said.
-Calm down, everyone. -Everyone's just grumbling…
You are one to talk.
Fine, I won't talk to you.
Not just me. Don't talk to anyone!
Don't get so upset.
He's young.
Young? Really?
Does anyone here think he's young?
What happened, Grandpa?
-Actually… -Tell me…
what kind of a man gives multivitamin tablets to beggars?
Why not?
Ayushi, he told me he hadn't eaten in two days.
Wouldn't his body need those vitamins?
Know what, Ramesh…
you could've given him a packet of biscuits.
You think biscuits have vitamins?
The advertisements say…
they contain vitamins but they're actually made of flour!
I carry multivitamins with me and I gave him some.
I was just trying to help--
Good morning, everybody. Bye!
Ramesh, why are you staring at Latika's bag?
What?
She's carrying clothes.
Poor thing is willing to open the bag and show you what's inside.
Isn't it, Latika?
She's not a thief who'd steal my jewelry.
Sure, Ramesh uncle. Take a look.
No! Don't be silly, Latika.
-What are you doing, Ramesh? -What do you mean?
I don't stare at any lady, let alone stare at her things!
I mean, generally…
-You twist everything I say. -Hemu…
-Then don't say anything. -you used Ramesh as a scapegoat.
What did I do?
-Inspector Mendonca had said… -Right…
a family member could smuggle away
-the stolen jewelry through someone else. -Excuse me?
Ramesh, put your mind at ease. Check.
-Enough! -No.
She…
I'm sorry, Latika.
I apologize.
You know what Hemlata is like.
But she isn't wrong, Grandpa.
Until we catch the thief,
aren't we all suspects?
Pallavi…
what if a family member is the thief?
Who could it be?