Ayushi, open the door.
Oh shit!
What do we do now, Ayushi?
-Ayushi, we're waiting-- -Hide, you guys hide.
Hide. Go!
Open the door.
Yeah. I was in the loo, House of the Crazy.
-Coming! -What took you so long?
Baa, use the toilet that's in the last room.
No!
Why not? It’s the best one.
The toilet seat is cushioned. You won't want to get up!
I'll send the cake and champagne inside.
-Don't make me laugh now. -Hey!
-Else it'll start raining! -Who got the cake?
Jacky has put…
such a lovely, big seat.
Wow!
This seat is so soft.
Feels like I'm sitting on sponge.
If Jacky was a woman…
I'd have got Sanju to marry him.
Even he sports cropped hair.
Oh shit!
Have they fixed a camera here?
Oh, no!
There's no tissue paper.
Cropped-hair has no brains.
How will she manage this place?
Hello Ramesh M. Dholakia, Always Chemists. Yes, Baa?
Where's the tissue paper?
Tissue paper for the toilet?
No.
Then?
The one that can absorb oil.
I'm sitting and frying snacks on the commode!
Idiot.
It's on the rack behind the shower curtain.
You'll find a roll there.
Behind the curtain?
Yes.
Baa, it's double-absorbent paper.
It absorbs kerosene, blood, dal-dhokli, gravy, Thai curry, everything.
It's also antisep--
Baa?
Hello?
No one listens to me.
Why keep a toilet paper in the shower area?
Faulty water pipes? In a new apartment?
Oh God!
An owl has flown in here as well?
It called me by my name!
A ghost!
Ramesh…
Ramesh!
Pallavi…
Pallavi!
Pallavi, look…
-Listen. -What's wrong?
What happened?
What…
There's something behind the shower curtain in the washroom.
-What? -There's someone there.
What's going on, guys?
Tidy up you jerk.
Come with me, Jacky.
I've sent you a message, read it, Sanjay.
Sanjuoy.
It's saying, "Hemlata"…
and breathing heavily.
Like that horror film we watched…
Ramu Verma's--
-Sholay. -Yes!
Phoonk? I mean Bhoot?
-Correct. Bhoot. -Bhoot…
Like the actress who would climb walls…
Like this…
-Pallavi… -Yeah?
I wonder, how they shoot.
Someone climbing up to the ceiling…
-How do they do it? -Oh, Mom!
-Check. -Let me check on the internet.
-Hello! -What?
-What is it? -Can we check the washroom first?
-Yes. -Yes.
-Come on!
-Let's go. -It sounded so scary.
-I know. Let's go. -Let's go.
Let's go check.
-Baa, the internet article says-- -Whatever!
I asked them to install an electronic pest repellent.
No one listens to me.
Why do you bother?
They should take precautions, otherwise…
what if there's a snake inside the commode?
You can play snake charmer!
It's purring.
There's something here.
Auntie Sheela.
Why will she be here?
Open the curtain.
It's okay.
-Let me check. -He's scared.
Careful.
Surprise!
Sanju!
You gave me a fright.
Lots of surprises, guys.
I gave the good news to Sanju…
and asked him to hide.
That's why I took so long to open the door.
So, what do you guys think?
Did you like the surprise?
-Too good. -You gave me a fright.
Tisca…
Tisca, we're going to have a baby.
Let's go, Grandpa.
Dr. Sharma…
you are required in the emergency ward.
Ramesh, are you pretending to be a caged lion?
Why are you pacing up and down.
-Sit down. -But…
why is the sonography taking so long?
Jatin's hospital is the worst!
The worst!
Half the patients die here.
Get yourself discharged. It's horrible!
-Hemlata, Ramesh… -Don't do it.
-Here is the life-member of the hospital. -Yes, bonafide.
If you have any problem with a doctor, ward-boy or nurse, tell me.
-Okay. -They all respect me.
-I was-- -Auntie Sheela, please
see to it that the sonography gets done quickly.
Forget about sonography. Get the delivery done directly.
Happy?
Baa…
What happened?
Is everything okay?
It is, but…
Actually, it's "two" good.
T-w-o…
two good.
Two means twins, Hemlata. Twins!
-Wow! -Double bonanza.
One plus one free!
How will they fit in here?
Two babies!
-What a miracle! -Yes!
Two little babies!
I'm going to have two little babies!
-Two little babies! -This is fantastic news, Aryan.
And it calls for celebration.
Yes. See…
even Tchaikovsky has come to say congratulations!
Where's his wife? Your daughter-in-law.
Bring her as well.
-What-- -Who? Schwangandha?
Actually, she's visiting her parents.
Why didn't he go to visit his in-laws?
And, hello…
Dr. Goswami said, Tisca has to be careful for the next two months atleast
It has been decided.
-Yes, Pallavi… -Where's Papa?
Come here.
-This stupid hangover. -Your green tea.
She's asking for you. Video call.
Yes, my dear.
Papa, there are changes in the portfolio of ministers in our house.
Really?
Tomorrow onwards, you'll look after the shops.
-Good. -With Baa.
What?!
Great.
Ayushi and I will handle the renovation of Sanju's apartment.
We'll give it a modern look.
Sankheda furniture from Jaisalmer…
and embroidered cushion covers.
-Okay? -Yes.
And… Mom will be Tisca's concierge.
-Kanakavalli… -Yes, madam?
You are on kitchen duty.
Don't worry, madam.
I'll make North-Indian food, South-Indian style…
with gun powder and coconut.
Sanju…
I get all this but…
who is in charge of you?
Me?
I'm traveling to Bangalore for an ad shoot.
Four nights… days.
-Uncle Suresh is online. -Oh!
-We'll call you later, Papa and Baa. -Bye.
Bye.
What's wrong?
Why are you playing detective?
Nothing.
-Is something going on? -Nothing.
-Tell me. -Later.
We'll be at the shop from tomorrow together.
You'll have to tell me.
It will be fun.
Sushant?
Hello, Auntie.
Need to color your hair already?
No, this is for my girlfriend.
In love with an older woman?
Come on, Auntie.
Look at him.
He's been sniffing soap bars for half an hour.
Want to rub the soap and check?
-Come with me. -But…
Come.
Lalu, get a bucket of water.
-I'll get a towel. Wait here. -You--
Hemlata…
Why did you let him leave?
He has been sniffing soap all this time.
Do you plan to taste the medicine before you buy?
Looks like he's here to enjoy the air-conditioning.
That hamper costs 14,380 rupees!
He is buying it.
Son, you don't want to buy this soap.
It contains coal.
Here's your change.
-I'll give you a nice, imported one. -No, thank you.
Keep the change.
My contribution towards the air-conditioning bill.
Namaste.
Please come again.
Keep it back.
He said I could keep the change.
Sushant, I'll give you an inhaler free with that hair color.
Dad, should we go to the lost and found department?
-Why? -Because you have lost your marbles.
Ayushi, don't be so vulgar in front of them!
Marbles!
What? Dad!
By "marbles" I meant your brain!
Then I've not lost any of my marbles.
Then why have you chosen such a doorbell?
It's nice.
Dad, just imagine.
When the milkman arrives…
-When the garbage collector arrives… -Yeah.
This will drive Sanju and Tisca mad.
Dad, please.
-Madam. -Yes?
Here you go, some yummy payasam.
With coconut.
Feed her.
Madam, if she has girls, you should name them
-Maddakkodi and Maddakkilli. -Yes!
They are quite modern names.
Excuse me?
Just imagine, Tisca…
Maddakkodi and Maddakkilli.
Maddakkodi and Maddakkilli, get ready for school
Maddakkodi and Maddakkilli, go for your bath.
Maddakkodi and Maddakkilli…
Her mouth will swell up!
You're right.
These names are very complicated.
Names should be simple…
like Pallavi, Ayushi, Aryan.
If you have girls, we'll call them…
Dhattrika and Dhittrika. Simple.
Wow!
Epic, Mom.
Let's call them "Dhat-teriki and Hat-teriki" instead!
It'll sound like a dance class is going on at home!
What?
Dhattrika and Dhittrika, get ready for school.
Dhattrika and Dhittrika, eat your food.
Dhattrika and Dhittrika! Dhattrika and Dhittrika!
-Great! -Great!
You did it so nicely, "Dhattrika-Dhittrika"…
It's decided…
Maddakkodi and Maddakkilli is final!
Oh God!
-Auntie. -Yes?
Is this sugar-free?
No.
Nothing is free in this shop, my dear.
Check the price.
-Hemlata… -Yes?
she's asking if the chocolate is sugar-free or not.
You should have asked clearly.
Here you go. There are the chocolates.
Buy as many as you want.
-Hello, Gregory. -Uncle…
How are you?
-Auntie, I'm good. -Yeah.
-How can I help you, Greg? -Hey!
-Uncle… -Carry on.
Why do you want to eat sugar-free chocolates?
-Idiot! -Lalu.
Yes?
Penegra 25mg…
and French letter.
What?
French letter?
Stop asking so many questions.
French letter means condoms!
Gents' balloon!
Why is he buying them?
To fill them with air and put them up at a birthday party!
Why do you want to know?
What do you mean…
Wait a minute.
Gregory…
your wife has gone to London.
Why are you buying a cap?
-Uncle… -Hemlata!
This tablet is to get the train…
up and running, isn't it?
Why do you need it?
Are you having an affair?
Who is that fool?
A prostitute?
I will tell Michelle.
-I will tell-- -Auntie, Michelle is back.
Hi, Auntie Hemlata. How are you?
Hi.
Your Gregory is getting ready for a "program".
Bye.
Sorry, I thought you're doing an English "program" on Hindi channel.
Sorry.
Hemlata, learn to mind your own business.
Or there'll be none left, Auntie. Bye.
Hi, Auntie.
Ojaswi, what are you wearing?
Is it a miniskirt or underwear?
-What-- -A diaper will cover up more!
Here…
-Here. -Hemlata!
Come on.
If there's a gust of wind, her panties will show…
in cinemascope.
Go on, laugh at me.
I am useless.
I don't want to live anymore.
Pallavi, give me some poison!
Poison? Have the kheer.
Kanakavalli has added coconut to it!
-What?! -It's in the pav-bhaji as well!
But the coconut chutney doesn't have coconut!
It was over.
You're busy talking about food while
I'm talking about killing myself.
I'll kill myself right after I finish eating.
Mom.
Pallavi, buttermilk.
Here it is.
Mom, why don't you get back to cooking?
Or call our cook back.
He has gone on his honeymoon.
Okay, fine. Kanakavalli, tomorrow onwards I'll cook.
Happy?
Tomorrow onwards, I'll look after the shop, Baa.
You can take over the renovation of Sanju's flat.
Sanju and Ayushi don't approve of my choice anyway.
Who keeps a first-aid box outside the main door, Dad?
It's a refrigerated first-aid box!
You can store injections and plasma.
-Everyone in the building can use it. -Good idea, Ramesh.
We'll tell our guests to help themselves to plasma and injections
whenever they want.
-Correct. -As a parting gift.
-Right? -Do one thing, Sanju…
fix a red bulb outside the main door
and write Operation Theater too!
-Papa, I'm just trying to help. -Better.
Listen, you don't need to worry.
I'll take over the renovation of your apartment.
No way!
She'll ask Jacky…
Diana is your ex-wife, isn't she?
Is she seeing someone?
Poor thing will be so embarrassed.
Isn't it, Sanju?
Diana, I have to be there tonight.
Probably for the last time.
Are you going there?
You have to stop this nonsense!
Ayushi, I have to meet him, okay?
Fine, then I'm coming with you.
Diana, I have to…
-Hello? -Chandan, get the car.
Get the car?
Just get the car without asking questions.
This has to stop, Ayushi!
Why the hell are you telling me?
What the hell am I supposed to tell Tisca?
All the more reason to end it.
It's been over three months now.
Talk some sense into him. I can't handle this anymore.
And you think I can?
Tell me!
Why don't you understand, this wasn't some backstreet affair!
I'm madly in love.
Sanju…
Ramesh…
Yes?
Give me a medicine for acidity, please.
I'm feeling gassy and uneasy.
Do you have some syrup?
Of course.
Which flavor do you want?
Do you have it in cola flavor?
Make a sherbet with it.
Just give me anything, Ramesh.
I'm not feeling well.
I'll get the cucumber flavor.
Cucumber?
Grandpa…
Thanks.
Ayushi…
tell me or else I'll have to tell Ramesh…
that these two are having an affair.
Ramesh…
Hello Ramesh M. Dholakia, Always Chemists.
I'm at home, in the drawing room. Yes, Papa?
Ramesh, inform Hemlata that I'll be late.
You should've called her directly. Hello?
No one listens to me.
Ramesh…
Pallavi.
Sanju…
are you sure?
-Yeah. -Okay, good.
He needs to know.
Grandpa…
that night…
when you were coming up…
I wasn't with Diana.
My phone…
Don't walk away, Sanju.
I'm sorry I…
It's okay.
I need something stronger than water.
This is vodka-tonic.
Thanks.
Grandpa…
Let me have a sip.
Have patience.
Grandpa is fucked!
Sorry.
Right. It is fucked!
Namaste.
One more, please.
-Here you go. -Thank you.
He definitely is fucked!
If you knew, why did you and Tisca…
Uncle, he didn't know.
What didn't he know? Come here.
He didn't know, Uncle.
-I mean… -The long and short of it is,
his interior designer has
exposed his "interior design".
Yes. Kind of.
Now what?
I don't know, Grandpa.
You should know.
You have to classify the label.
Like, she's straight.
Yes.
And he's gay.
Ayushi is Timmy-sexual…
and I am Hemlata-sexual.
You tell me.
Please tell me.
Where does your happiness lie?
Hemlata, I said I'll be late--
Listen… Pallavi has had a heart attack.
-What! -We are taking her to the hospital.