Come on. Come on, Yohan.
[Rishabh] Back, back and X. Dropkick him. Very good.
Punch him, punch him.
Punch him. Kick him, man. Kick him.
Kick him in the eye.
[Rishabh] Gouge out his eyes. Rip his underwear off.
Kick him. Yohan... Relax. What happened...?
Relax... You're not going to get a gold medal or something if you win.
You're not going to get anything, right? You won't get anything.
Just breathe in. Breathe in, breathe out.
[Rishabh] Breathe in, breathe out.
What are you doing? How long are you going to just breathe?
[Rishabh] Our player is dead.
Look what you've done.
Press X. Press X.
How many times have I told you?
Come on, Yohan. Be a Malhotra, buddy.
- What are you doing? Kill that motherfattu. - Why?
Punch him!
- Rish. - Yeah...
Even Sunny and Roshni are getting divorced.
Now?
Shefali, Rishabh. Welcome to therapy.
[Title Montage]
So, recently, four out of five couple friends of yours got divorced...
...and now you both are scared...
...that this might affect you adversely.
- Hmm. - Yup.
You fear you're next. Am I right?
- Mm-hmm. - So basically, other than this fear...
...there's no other issue between the two of you.
[awkward laugh]
Surprising.
Well, actually... [Shefali clears throat]
- I think that... - Don't hesitate.
Results are guaranteed.
Oh.
Okay. Let me say this straight. And I'm really sorry, Rish.
But I think that, you know...
Three kids, one servant, one mother-in-law...
- All of them... - Wow.
You mentioned Zoru before your mother-in-law.
That's... That's amazing.
- I don't plan before speaking, Rish. - Okay. - Yes? - Right.
Okay. Without digressing...
I think while I'm passionately managing home and all these things...
...the passion between us has simmered down a bit.
Yes. That you're right about.
The passion between us is over.
I'm saying that it has simmered down and you're saying that it's over.
- Very good. Nice, Rish. - I didn't... It just came out like that, man.
Even I don't think before speaking. Right?
The upside is that you still have something in common.
- Yup. -[Gulfam] Yeah.
Okay. Let's move forward.
So, what is it that you plan before doing?
I mean, how do you spend time together?
- Oh. TV. - TV.
[News Anchor] The scheme to dupe lakhs of investors...
- Hi. - Hi.
What are you watching?
Well, this news is so depressing, Rish.
It says all the pension plans, insurance policies...
...they are all sucking us dry. It's a bloody scam.
Of course, dude. Even I'm fed up of paying premiums.
You know, speaking of scams...
...your mom's insurance policy is about to mature, right?
Should we cancel it?
Yes.
No. Well, you know, I paid the premium today...
...for the next five years.
So, what's on SAB?
Repeat of Taarak Mehta.
- Star Plus? - Repeat of Master Chef.
What's on Nat Geo?
Air Crash Investigation. We are all going to bloody die in a plane.
- So, there are only repeats today? - Hmm.
Then we should just go to sleep. Yes?
You know, it's our habit. We don't sleep.
We should just go to sleep now.
Wake up fresh, excited for the new day.
[Rishabh] Come on. Let's go to sleep. Good night.
Sleep. Turn off the TV.
No, Rish, let's talk today.
You know, we never talk. We should talk.
Yeah. Great idea.
You're absolutely right. Let's chat.
- Yeah, let's chat. - Yeah.
- Communicate. - Yeah.
So, how was your day?
Oh, my day?
- It was the same. - Nice.
How was your day?
- Great. - Great?
Good. Good day.
Great or good?
It was an okay day. Okay day.
Okay. Anything new happened?
Anything new today... No.
Nothing new happened? All day!
- It rained today. - Ahh...
It started... It started randomly raining, man.
- Okay. - Yeah.
Actually, it rained here also.
- What are you saying? - Yeah. - It's crazy.
- I tried to go for a walk. -[Rishabh] Yeah. - It didn't happen.
Mad, dude. Nowadays, it rains everywhere randomly and...
Here.
So, is this Master Chef Season 8 or 9?
- Season 8. - It's a rerun of Season 8?
- Oh, Season 8 has that Vimla Aunty, right? - Yes.
- The one who makes biryani? - Yes. I made it, too.
That biryani was so good.
- You made the best biryani I have ever had, by the way. - Nut.
Amazing biryani.
Shall we watch the rerun of it?
Come on, let's watch it. What's the big deal?
You can even revise the recipe.
We'll sit and watch.
- Sounds like a plan. - Come. It's fun.
[TV playing]
Makhana.
Look.
Such loneliness and lack of emotions...
...is a part of every couple's life.
Just like Sundays.
[Gulfam] You have to face it boldly instead of fearing it.
Tell me. Have you ever tried role playing?
Come out... Wherever you are.
I'm ready. [Shefali making purring sound]
Baby, we talked about it.
I am Catwoman and you're Batman.
From which angle do I look like Batman, Rish?
And from which angle do I look like Batwoman, sorry Batman?
Damn it.
What if it didn't work the last time?
Try it again.
Sir, 'trying it' out has led us to having three kids.
I know, right?
I mean, role playing. One more time.
How about next Tuesday?
Next Tuesday?
Next Tuesday, a new episode of Master Chef is coming out.
So, that's the problem.
- Wednesday? - On Wednesday, I...
Wednesday, Tuesday? Tuesday. Tuesday, sir.
-[Rishabh makes purring sound] - Okay. Let's move on.
Is there any other problem in your married life...
...that you're not able to talk to each other about?
You see, I'm...
...a very open-minded, good natured person.
I am always ready to listen.
But Shef has to speak up, right?
- All okay? - All okay.
- All okay? - All okay. - Okay.
- All okay? - All okay.
Okay.
No, it's not okay. You know what's not okay?
That you never ask me, "How are you, Shef?"
"Are you okay, Shef?"
"What's wrong with you, Shef?"
What's wrong with you, Shef?
Good night.
She's mad.
So, what do you think is the reason...
...for this tension and very poor communication?
- Oh. Shef. - What?
Rishabh, it's not right to blame your wife like this.
All right, I'm sorry. Sorry, I take it back.
It's Shef and the girls.
And your mom who fights with your dad and then turns up at our house.
- Oh, lovely. Cheers. - Cheers.
- You're looking very nice today, baby. - Thank you.
Mom! What are you doing here so late? Is everything okay?
No, nothing's okay.
Your dad has driven me crazy!
Mom, what has dad done now?
He refuses to brush his teeth at night.
It stinks so badly. I can't tell you.
Mom, dad has no teeth. He wears dentures.
You think dentures don't stink?
- Go get me some toothpaste. - Why?
Have you brought his teeth along with you?
- Oh. - Ugh.
Okay. I'll go get the toothpaste.
Rest of my family is even stranger than my mom.
Really? How?
Yes, Rish. How?
[TV playing]
Hey, guys. Shall we order pizza today?
- No. - No. Who eats carbs so late in the night?
Just call from Farm-to-table, Dad?
Who orders from Farm-to-table everyday?
I'm tired of eating leaves everyday.
Everybody is not going to do that everyday.
We're ordering pizza today. That's final.
Hello. Yeah, I'd like to place an order for a large pizza.
Toppings? Olives, black olives.
No black olives. I'll tell you what. Order the one with green ones.
Because then I won't get tempted.
[Jia] But I like green olives.
Or just call for mushroom. I'll throw up at the sight of it.
Hey, don't be mean. I love mushrooms.
- Go for corn. - No corn. I love corn.
- Just call for pineapple, Dad? - Yuck!
- Good one. - Good one.
- Call for pineapple. - Hello.
One minute. One minute, mister. A little...
Dad, they are all crazy. They have no taste.
Please order a pizza with marshmallow and sprinkle toppings. Thank you.
Damn it.
Hello, Farm-to-table?
Yes, I would like to place an order.
Four root vegetables. Three regular salads.
And two strawberry yogurts.
Yes, it's the Malhotras.
You have my address. Yes, regular order.
Idiot.
Yohan, ask Zoru to come here.
Tell him we are going out for dinner.
Rishabh?
Rishabh.
Please write this down, doctor.
Rishabh's 150th problem.
[Shefali] He can't do two things at once.
No, no. Come on. She's just exaggerating.
What are you talking about?
It's a table fan. Who puts such big ball bearings in it?
You're talking like an idiot.
[Shefali] Rishi, put my quinoa upma in the microwave, please.
Huh?
Ashok... One minute...
Ashok, it's not rocket science, man.
Ashok, it's ball bearings, man.
What are you saying, man?
You put ball bearings of a ceiling fan into a table fan?
Yoyo.
Huh? What do you mean size doesn't matter?
Of course, size matters.
One has small balls and the other has big balls.
Can't you figure out the difference between the balls?
Okay... Ashok. Ashok, listen to me.
Listen to me.
Ashok, listen.
Call up upma enterprises.
What? When did I say upma?
"Uma..."
All right. I said it. Big deal.
One minute. Ashok, do you work for me or do I work for you?
Yes, I said it. What will you do?
Okay, now listen.
Upma Enterprises needs 12 dozen table fans.
Yoyo.
[Rishabh] What? Call up Chauhan. Chauhan.
Tell him, we need 100 ball bearings per fan.
Huh? Where is Chauhan?
He's on a vacation!
Why? Who gave him the permission?
His mom?
Yoyo, your mom's upma!
Hello. Hello, Ashok. Ashok.
You know what? Ask Yohan to give you some upma.
[Rishabh] Tell Chauhan... Yohan...
Ashok? Yohan...
I won't work like this. I don't want to work like this.
No... You all will drive me crazy.
Hmm.
Yohan seems a tad weird. Not too much, just a tad.
Yes, Yohan can be quite a workout.
And it's all because Rish doesn't discipline him.
I mean, what was that?
"Hit him, push him, gouge out his eyes, rip his underwear off."
So you heard everything?
I can multitask, motherfattu.
Now let me tell you another story.
Last week, Yohan and his two friends...
...Pratik with an "IK" and Prateek with a "double-EK"...
These three got together and put a big firecracker...
...in their English teacher's bag.
A firecracker? In a teacher's bag?
Actually, his teacher is quite old.
And when she hears crackers bursting...
...she forgets English and she starts screaming in Bengali.
It's really funny, dude.
"Oh! What happen, what happen..."
"I go home, I go home..."
My mom is Bengali.
- That's why this picture of joy. - No...
Is it possible that Pratik with an "IK" and Prateek with a "double-EK"...
...have influenced Yohan to do this?
I wish, but surprisingly Yohan is the leader of the pack.
[Shefali] Everyone follows him.
In fact, I'm known as the bad leader's mother.
It's so embarrassing. I hate it.
Then how did you handle this situation?
- Hey. Hi, Pratik with an "IK". - Hi.
Come, sit.
You know, I called you here a bit early...
...so, I thought we could have a little chat.
- Will you have an orange? - No.
- Apple? - No.
- Sure? - Yes.
Okay.
You know, whenever you and Yohan are together...
...he bosses over you.
- Really? - Of course.
You blindly follow whatever he tells you.
It's not cool.
You know what I see when I look at you?
- What? - I see a leader.
I don't see a follower.
You don't need Yohan to tell you...
...to put a firecracker in Mrs. Bubbly Bose's bag.
You could've come up with this idea on your own.
Well, I'm sure you can come up with better ideas than this.
And to help you out...
...Uncle Rishabh has written down his best ideas.
For example...
...spread a rumour that Prof. Chaddha and Mrs. Bose are having an affair.
- Hmm. - Yeah?
- Yeah. - Or lock a kindergarten kid up in the bathroom.
It's an easy one. Never fails.
Or take anyone's lunchbox or water bottle...
...and add this laxative.
Add nothing less than 25ml. Okay?
Loose motions guaranteed. Great fun, okay?
You know, Uncle Rishabh is a genius.
I don't know how he does it.
Listen to me, son. Don't try to be Yohan.
Aim to be Uncle Rishabh.
Understood?
Now go and claim your destiny. You're a leader, okay?
- Now, get lost. - Thank you.
- And, how did it work? - Like a charm.
Last week, Pratik with an "IK" was suspended for a week.
Really?
The loose motions were unstoppable.
- Yeah. - Hmm. Interesting.
Let's come back to you two.
Look, the important part of a successful marriage...
...is quality time.
That's why Rish and Zoru's relationship is so successful.
Is Zoru your relative or something?
He's our servant.
Can you please say househelp?
Zoru's father used to work for my dad.
And ten years ago, Zoru came to live with us.
And he continues to live with us.
So, you and Zoru went to a restaurant to have dinner.
Actually, I wanted to go...
...but he was not in the mood to eat out.
So, I had to go alone.
But that's okay. I don't have a problem with that.
We both had to wake up early in the morning, you know.
- Why? - I told you, didn't I?
Rish and Zoru equals quality time.
- Okay. - How does it feel, Zoru?
It feels great, brother
I feel like someone has put wheels under my foot.
[Rishabh] Yes. But, don't overdo it. Switch it off...
- Take rest. - Okay.
- We will go home and have protein shake. Come. - Yes.
Very good. Let's go.
- Here? - Watch your step.
What? It's important for Zoru to stay fit too.
Anyway, whenever I go to the gym with Shef...
...all she does is criticize me.
Come on, Rishi. Faster, baby.
Faster! You can do it, baby. Come on.
Show me that stamina.
Come on, run like a man.
I have an important question.
Do you dream about each other?
Morning, Booboo.
Morning.
What's up?
You know, you were in my dreams last night.
You were so cute.
How cute? Was I disguised as Catwoman?
Don't be stupid.
Basically, I dreamt that Lashkar had become all classy...
...and they decided to recruit a guy from Bandra.
- Guess who it was? - Who?
- You. - Oh. - You! Isn't that amazing?
Yea? In my dream, you had joined Lashkar...
...and they gave you the responsibility of guarding their kitchen supplies.
As usual, you were starving.
So, when the fighters went out for training...
...you took all the eggplants and roasted them.
And then you mashed it and had it with bread.
But they eat lamb.
But since when do you know how to cook lamb?
It's not like I know how to cook eggplant either.
Yes. But every dream has a limit, right?
- Don't get so ambitious also. - Okay.
I also had a dream.
- Yeah? - Yeah.
- Was I in your dream? - You were in the dream.
Yeah, nice.
Shef, we were celebrating our 25th anniversary.
- Wow. - And you were looking so stunning I can't even begin to tell you.
I mean, you had long curly, Medusa-like hair.
And you were smelling so beautiful.
I just wanted to lie down there...
...and just keep getting that beautiful smell.
Was I wearing my wedding lehenga? Pink.
No, you won't fit into that, but...
What happened?
You know, you're really a horrible guy.
- What did I say? - You're just evil!
But let me finish the story.
What more can you say...
...after the lehenga didn't fit?
- It was a dream, Shefali... - You should've stopped the dream.
Yeah. You're the real Lashkar.
Give me that coffee.
Hmm. Interesting.
[Gulfam] Dreams in a way represent...
...our subconscious thoughts and fears.
Any other dream which you see quite frequently?
- Yes, I do. - No, Rishi. Not that one, dude.
No, please. This may be important.
Thank you.
I get a recurring dream, where Shef and I are not humans...
...but we are two fresh green bell peppers...
...in the fancy vegetable section of Nature's Basket.
- Green bell pepper? - Exactly, green bell pepper.
Even his thoughts are so down market.
At least think of us as red and yellow bell peppers.
What happens then?
Nothing, we just hang out with our friends.
There's broccoli, okra, bitter gourd, eggplant.
And every morning a sweet man sprinkles water on us.
Doc, in one dream, two onions had come.
They wanted to join our party.
But Shef had a problem and they left.
This is serious.
What do you mean serious?
This dream of yours...
...indicates the anxiety that you have in your life.
In fact, it highlights the fact that your life is at a standstill.
Because, according to this dream of yours...
...your marriage is a green bell pepper.
Which maybe comfortable today in an AC room.
[Gulfam] But someday, it will be bought, chopped...
...and cooked.
And the next day, it will be flushed out of your system...
...as toxins.
Wow. You just killed my dream.
This is Gulfam's analysis.
I mean, this is evil.
I feel that he's Lashkar.
It's a simple green bell pepper.
Rish, my hot beloved.
Where are you?
I'm ready.
How are you, Dhanno?
I mean, how are you, Basanti?
Heh?
One minute. My hands are tied.
And technically, you don't have any.
How is this going to work?
- Uh... -[Shefali] What uh uh?
Like... Now you have killed both my mood and mojo.
Come here and untie me.
How can I untie you, Shef? My hands are tied from the back.
For an authentic look, you know.
I thought you would untie me.
Are you serious? Just get over here and untie me!
Okay. Relax.
- Hey... - Untie me. - I'm trying...
- Yes. - What are you doing? What the hell are you doing?
I'm opening the rope from the back, man.
Just open me, Rish! Just open me!
Don't scream. I'll get stressed. Don't get me stressed.
You know what happens? I'll roll there.
[Theme Music Playing]