[TV playing]
[phone ringing]
Hello.
Who?
Hey, no...
I said no.
No, not interested.
Thanks, bye.
Who was that? The insurance guy or the 4G guy?
She was asking if we're interested in chilling together for the weekend.
- Who? - Your mom.
[Title Montage]
[Gulfam] Shefali.
You look very upset today.
I am not just looking upset. I am upset.
The thing is I'm very transparent person. On the A-side as well as on the B-side.
Lies, deceit, cheating...
...hypocrisy, pretending, faking it...
I can't do all this. If you want, you can even ask Rish.
Interesting.
But what happened?
Oh!
On 20th March, 1951...
...a baby girl was born in Vasudev and Lalita Juneja's family.
[Shefali] That's it. What else?
- Whom are we talking about? - Your bloody mother.
My God! What a boring movie it was, Rish.
I actually liked it a bit.
Huh?
Mom?
Oh, you're back! How was the movie? Is it a hit?
What have you done to my house? You changed everything!
Me? I didn't do anything.
Mom?
Wow, son! Wow.
Did I bring you up with so much love and care...
...so that one day you could doubt your own mom?
Doubt? What doubt? We can see everything clearly.
You've swapped my living room with my dining room.
Really? I don't see anything.
- Mom? - Wow, son! Wow.
-[Mummy] Did I bring you up with so much love and care so that one day... - Mummy.
It's night, not day. Okay?
And why have you done this?
I didn't do anything. Trust me. I swear.
I swear on Aadhe Ma.
I didn't even touch anything.
- That Zoru... - Mom.
All this... Yohan did it.
- Oh... - Yohan!
- I mean... - Okay, that makes sense.
What?
No. He's getting naughtier by the day.
- Are you serious? - Don't say another word.
- It's on me. I'll handle it. - That's right.
Can you believe it?
She did all this behind my back...
...and she used Yoyo too. This is the problem.
Do you feel your mother-in-law disrespects you?
I don't feel it. I believe it.
By swapping my furniture, what was she trying to prove?
That my interior decoration skills are weak?
That I have poor taste?
I mean, it's my house. I'll keep it however I want.
Shef's right. In fact, mom didn't just insult Shef by doing this...
...she also insulted the Jethmalanis.
Our neighbours. Because our house is...
...an exact photo copy of the Jethmalanis' house.
Oh.
Photo copy? What rubbish?
Have you seen their curtains?
- It's the same, Shef. - It's not the same.
Have you seen our curtains?
[Shefali] That's why I tell you...
...you show no interest at home, Rish.
I can't believe you said that to me, man.
You asked me to take a photograph of their curtains...
...and give it to you. And I did.
Now you'll say, even the bathroom curtains are not identical.
Exactly, they are not identical.
Theirs are pink and, FYI, ours are baby pink. Get it?
- It's the same. It's pink. - Shefali.
After listening to you, it seems like Rishabh's mom is a dominating person.
Now I feel like you are finally getting my point.
- Thank you. - Always.
- Arjun. -[Arjun] Yes. - Hurry up.
Mummy has to go home, right?
[Arjun] Yes... Sis-in-law, done...
Okay. So, guys.
Next week, it's the 60th wedding anniversary...
-[Arjun] ...of our eldest uncle and aunt. - Yes... - Yay!
So I thought why don't we...
...gift them something musical...
[Arjun] ...from our entire family and close friends?
[Arjun] I mean... We just have to do this.
All of you have to sing a word of a song in tune.
I'll record it here.
And in the end, I'll collect all the clips...
...and make a fantastic music video out of it.
- Wow! That's such a good idea. - Good idea...
- That is so sweet Arjun. - Yeah. -[Arjun] Thank you, sis-in-law.
But what's the song?
Tamma Tamma Loge.
- Okay. - Ew. Who would sing that?
Jumma Chumma De De. This one.
Change the song.
Mom, it's their anniversary.
Let's sing their favourite song, please.
Right.
Since when does she care about others' likes and dislikes?
- I... - Okay, Mom. Please...
[Rishabh] Please. Let's not do this. Please.
Okay. Leave it.
Hmm. Tell me, dear. What would be the word?
- Aha. - Aha? - Aha.
What kind of a word is this?
Mmhmm. Common sense, Shefali. Common sense.
You're ready, aha I'm ready, aha
Aha. Okay...
- Fine? -[Shefali] Yes.
- Shall we start? -[Rishabh] Yes. -[Shefali] Yes.
Okay. Here we go.
[Arjun] Three, two, one. Action.
- No... One minute... - What happened?
Who's singing the phrase,You're in love?
Yes. Aunt Minty and Uncle Ponty.
This cannot happen until I'm alive.
- So, I will appear after Minty in the video? - I...
That's not possible. Forget it. Yes.
- Mom, what's the problem? - Let it be, dear.
I don't have the habit of badmouthing people in front of everyone.
Since when?
Yea, that's right too. So, listen.
During Chinky's wedding, for the ladies' musical night...
[Mummy] ...I had decided to dance to the song, Banno Tera Swagger.
Huh. I was dancing to such a popular song...
...Minty couldn't stand it.
[Mummy] She manipulated her way in...
- ...and snatched away my chance to dance. -[Jia] Oh!
[Mummy] What do you guys think?
I should be seen after her in the video?
- Man, who thinks so much? - Seema Malhotra.
- Who is that? - Me.
I'm not "Mummy" to everyone. I've got a status and a personality too.
- Arjun, man! - Yes.
Please give us the Aha after I'm in love.
- Please. - I'm in love...
Y-Yes... Okay.
- Thank you. - Even that Aha is available.
- Okay? - Okay. - Let's shoot it.
Okay, one minute. Who is singingin love in I'm in love?
In love in I'm in love...
Okay. Uncle Gupta and his family. Ready?
Is Shekhar Gupta coming?
No. Sunil Gupta.
Sunil Gupta!
- Keep him miles away from me. - Why?
- Uncle Gupta and his family are such nice people. - Yea.
Oh is it? Since my daughter-in-law has given a character certificate...
...I must put my stamp of approval on it...
...and instruct you to keep that Sunil Gupta miles away from me.
In love. You gave the right word to that Sunil.
Hey, Arjun. There are so manyAhas in the song.
Fit us somewhere, please.
Oh, Rishu. How there are so many?
There are only two.
One after You're ready and the other after I'm ready.
One minute. Uncle Sharma is singing after I'm ready.
No... I can never be after Uncle Sharma.
Never? Okay... One minute.
Then that...
"You're ready." That...
Aunt Sujata is singing.
- After her... - Suja... Are you joking? Huh?
Okay, why don't you give us another word?
There's no other word in this song... As per my planning...
Give us Tamma Tamma, okay?Tamma Tamma.
Tamma Tamma?
Oh, my God. Now there's going to be a discussion...
[Shefali] ...on who is after the first Tamma Tamma...
...and who is before the secondTamma Tamma.
We'll take the last Tamma Tamma.
Listen. We'll all sing together in chorus with full power.
But there're lots of Tamma Tammas, Mom.
Which Tamma Tamma is the last Tamma Tamma?
Tamma Tamma Loge, Tamma Tamma Loge, Tamma.
Not this one. Second one.
Tamma Tamma Loge, Tamma Tamma Loge. Second line.
- This... This one. - Okay, this will do. Let's shoot.
[Arjun] One, two, three, action.
Shefali, do you feel that Rishabh doesn't defend you...
...in front of his mother?
That's not at all true. It's just that...
...sometimes Shef fails to understand my mom completely.
Rish, it's not difficult to understand your mom...
...but to make her understand.
You're not allowed to spit inside the house. It's a simple thing to follow.
- I still have to tell her. - Oh, come on, Shef.
Even you know, it's not completely her fault.
Aww.
This is the cutest baby ever born in the Malhotra family.
My Rishu.
[Yohan chuckling]
- Hi, Granny. - Hi. How are you?
I'm fine. But I don't know why I feel that I'm going to get jaundice.
Jaundice? What nonsense? [Mummy spits]
Jia, what if something happens to me, mom, Yohan...
...or dad because of you?
[Yohan chuckling]
Huh? No... E-Even you?
Nothing will happen to my Rishu.
Granny, my exams are about to start.
If something happens to me, I'll have to miss my papers.
- And then repeat a year. - Repeat a year?
- Yes. - [Mummy spits]
Jaundice is still okay. What if I get chicken pox?
[Jia] I won't be able to tolerate the itch.
And what if I get marks on my face because of that...
[Jia] ...and they ruin my look?
Nobody would marry me.
- Nobody would marry you? -[Jia sighs]
You're talking nonsense. [Mummy spits]
Jia, don't worry. You will find someone...
...who will love your soul, not your body.
[Mummy] Wow... What a lovely thing to say! Wow...
But Granny, chances are that...
...he may end up cheating on her.
Cheating? On her?
-[Mummy spits] - Granny, shawl. - No...
No... [Dia spits]
No... [Mummy spits]
[Yohan chuckling]
Cheating. That's wrong, that's so wrong.
Hmm.
But every mother is superstitious.
Because she cares about her children. Even for you. No?
Oh, please, huh!
Do you know what did she gift me on my last birthday?
What?
A book, calledHow To Cook On A Budget.
[Gulfam laughing]
What's so funny about that?
Your mother-in-law even has a sense of humour.
I mean, in the pretext of a gift, she tried teaching you how to cook...
...and, also, how to save money.
- That's true. - Exactly.
And, Shef, what did you gift my mom on her birthday? Tell him.
Canteen coupons at Kokilaben Hospital.
Hey... I gave that for her own good, man.
She's old now. If something happens to her while eating...
...at least she'll be in the hospital.
Exactly. She's old now, Shef.
So, learn to ignore a few things.
Wow. If the kids make a mistake, we have to forgive them.
[Shefali] If our elders make a mistake, we have to forgive them.
But when we make a mistake, no one forgives us, right?
Do you think your mother-in-law lacks manners?
Yeah.
That's not true.
Even if it's true, how would you notice it?
Because you're somewhat her Xerox copy.
[phone ringing]
Phone is ringing...
Hello.
Surya.
- Sweety. - Where are you, buddy?
We found such a good spot. Over here, under the tree.
C-Can you see me?
Can you see me?
I'm waving.
Waving, not wanking, dude.
Look, look over here. I'm next to this yoga uncle.
Who has his belly hanging between his head and his feet.
Rishabh!
- I'm sorry. He... He didn't mean it like that. - Sorry.
Can't you see me?
Hey, look over here now. Now.
Look at this. I'm standing beside this pervert baldie.
Dude, this is weird.
I can see you guys. Why can't you guys see me, dude?
Wait. Wait a minute.
Wait, wait.
[Rishabh] Now can you see me? Look.
I'm standing beside this aunty in pink track pants.
Oh, okay. Ah... Aunty or uncle is not confirmed yet.
[Rishabh] One minute...
What am I looking at, man?
Surya.
Surya, you left Vaishali at home and have come with your colleague, Rashi?
What will I tell Shef and Zoru, dude?
What? That's Vaishali?
Oh, she got a new haircut?
What? I am on the loudspeaker!
Hello, Vaishali. Vaishali, can you hear me?
Like... C-Can you see me, Vaishali? I'm standing under a tree.
Basically, like mother like son.
Anywhere, anytime, they can say anything.
[Rishabh] Wow. So, we are going to complain about mom all day today, is it?
- I mean, she has so many good qualities as well. - Like what?
She really helps out a lot with Yohan.
You call that help?
Wow, Shef. Don't be so ungrateful, you know?
Now, I have started seeming ungrateful as well.
How blind is your love for your mom, Rish?
So, you're saying, mom doesn't help out at all?
- Is that called help? - What do you call help exactly?
- Okay, Doc. You know that Yohan is... - He's weird. I know.
Yes, correct. But he's not that weird.
- With the right supervision, he's getting bearable. - Okay.
[Shefali] And we try our best to keep...
...Yohan busy with extra-curricular activities and tuitions after school.
Basically no free time.
Yea. But on Wednesdays, he doesn't have any classes.
And Shef is busy with her waxing lady, Manju. Okay?
So, mom very sweetly looks after Yohan.
That's a good thing, Shefali. What problem do you have with this?
Problem?
-[Crowd] Hail Aadhe Ma. - Hail Aadhe Ma.
- Hail Aadhe Ma...
- Say it. Come on. - Hail Aadhe Ma.
Hail Aadhe Ma...
Aadhe Ma, make this useless boy useful.
That's it.
In our house, thanks to my daughter-in-law...
...there's no dearth of morons.
Hail Aadhe Ma...
Exactly.
You have no idea to what extent all this is influencing my son.
Yohan, 18 out of 20 in maths surprise test.
- That's amazing. - Yeah.
Very good. Very good.
- Did you work hard for the test? - No.
So then?
Hail Aadhe Ma.
Now, Yohan won't stop saying this no matter what he's doing.
[Shefali] If he wins a fancy dress competition at school...
Hail Aadhe Ma.
If there's hot water in the shower...
Hail Aadhe Ma.
If we order pizza with marshmallow toppings...
Hail Aadhe Ma.
It's like he has no value of his own mother.
Okay. So, now on Wednesdays, what does Yohan do after school?
Oh, after looking for awhile and spending a lot of money...
...Shef has found a badminton coach for Yohan.
How wonderful.
I believe he's a state level champion.
Look, Yohan. Badminton...
...is a game of speed and reflex.
- Did you get it, Yohan? - Yes, sir.
- I couldn't hear it, man. Say it again. - Yes, sir.
- Hey, man, say it out loud. - Yes, sir!
Yes, now I can hear it.
Hail Aadhe Ma.
Sir?
It's an epidemic...
...which has spread all over. Just like the plague.
Hmm.
And the bloody rat of this plague...
...is my mummy's strange ideas.
Oh God! Are we going to complain about my mom and Aadhe Ma all day today?
- Don't we have any other topic? - There is.
-[Rishabh] What? - You and mom.
What do you mean?
I mean, nowadays the concept of spending quality time...
...with one's family seems to have vanished.
I'm the only one...
...who tries to co-ordinate family activities without Zoru.
But I get no support from Rishabh.
- Hi, guys. -[Dia] Hi. - Hi.
- Hi. - Guys, let's watch a movie together?
No. Not a movie, please.
Come on, Rish. I'll make some popcorn too.
- Unlimited refills? - If you want.
- Okay. - Not in the mood, Mom.
- Oh, Jia. It's a nice movie. - Which movie is it?
A Separation.
It's an Oscar-winning film, supposed to be awesome.
- Rish. - Yes.
- There's Sylvester Stallone in this movie. - Rocky?
- Ah... Obvio! - Okay.
He's too old, Mom.
Jia, he's got a daughter in this film...
...who's the most popular girl in school.
And she falls in love with the football captain.
And Rocky is against this relationship.
It's very exciting, come on. You'll love it.
It's so typical and so boring.
Dia... They elope and get married.
And they have a son, who invents some mathematical theory...
[Shefali] ...that gets him the Nobel prize in the end.
Mathematical.
Yeah.
- So boring. - Dia, do you know who helps him...
...to invent this mathematical theory?
Is a golden retriever, Simba.
Simba!
- Okay, what about Rocky? - He's there. He is...
This sounds like a good film, guys. Let's watch it. Huh?
Come on, guys. Yay!
You said popcorn. Where is it?
- It's there. It'll be ready. - Okay...
- Come on, play it. - Hello, kiddos!
- What's up... - Hi.
-[Jia and Dia] Hi. - What are you watching?
- It's a wonderful movie.A Separation. Come... - Hmm.
Huh? You're watching Separation!
It's that slow boring movie, in which...
[Mummy] ...because of the mother-in-law, the husband and wife get divorced...
...and the kids get separated.
Eww, total nonsense. Who watches this?
Mom, thank God that you came on time.
- You saved us. Let's go. - Guys.
What...
[Shefali sighs]
Hmm.
Tell me this. What do you think about yourselves as parents?
How good or bad do you think you are...
...compared to say, your mother-in-law?
Mummy? We're way better than her.
Yes, we do try very hard, man.
Do you?
[Rishabh] Shef.
I'm feeling very hungry. What's there for dinner?
- Sorghum bread and green pea and sweet potato salad. - Yuck!
Is there no butter and chicken in the house?
What do you mean yuck? We are gaining so much weight.
I just weighed myself. I'm the same weight.
I'm not talking about you, I'm talking about myself.
I've gained weight.
And since you are my better half, you eat what I eat.
Hi.
What happened? Is everything alright?
I have to do a genealogy project on our family.
What happened? Is everything alright?
Yes, I mean about our ancestors and their story types.
- Oh! - Oh, Dia.
Then you're totally going to top it.
Yeah. But the problem is I've to choose...
...only one side of the family.
Yeah... So, you should totally just choose my family.
Uh... Why so?
- What do you mean "why so"? - Come on, Rish!
Where's the comparison?
My side of the family is like a Mughlai Biryani.
And your side... Well, a hotchpotch at best.
[Shefali] Come on, Dia.
I mean, my great grandfather and his family...
...they saw the partition Bengal.
I mean, they moved to Bangladesh and stuff, man.
- Bullshit. -[Shefali] Please.
So, do you still have some of your family in Bangladesh?
Yes, I do. In Dhaka.
Wow! So, can you take me over there?
I mean, it'd be so nice if I could go there...
...and take live interviews of people. It'd be so good, right?
Yes, we should definitely go to Dhaka.
- Provided you know how to squat well. - Why squats?
Because her uncle's house in Dhaka...
...doesn't have a western style toilet.
[Rishabh] It's Indian style.
They sit like this. Hmm...
I think, Dia, you know we're being a little unfair to dad.
Because his side of the family is very interesting.
[Rishabh] Oh, no!
My family is nothing compared to yours, baby.
Don't be so modest, baby Rish.
[Shefali] Dia, you need to know
that your grandma's great great grandfather...
...was a jester during the Mughal empire.
- What's a jester? - Jester is a joker.
A clown, you know. Clown.
- He was a stand-up comedian. - Whatever.
And Shef's grandma's great great great grandfather...
Have you heard of Alauddin Khalji?
- You mean Ranveer Singh from Padmaavat? - Exactly.
He was his cook... Chef.
They say puchka was invented by him.
They were rumours, Dia. But I don't believe it, Dia.
No... I completely believe it.
You must go to Dhaka and to Afghanistan...
...that too in summer. To find your family.
Baby, your dad's mom's great-aunt was a dancer at a court.
[Shefali] Dancer.Kajra Re type.
And your mom's great-aunt was actually an uncle. Uncle.
Yeah. He used to roam around in frocks at home.
That too in those days.
[Shefali] Dia, your dad's dad's wife is a witch. A witch!
- Wait. - Granny?
You're badmouthing my mom again?
Baby, I'm just trying to say that your side of the family...
...is more colourful than mine. That's it.
[Dia] Fine.
I don't want to know about both your families.
It would be better if I write about Zoru's family instead.
- Thank you very much. - Hey, Dia...
But Zoru doesn't have a family. He is an orphan.
We're his family. Come back.
[Theme Music Playing]