Masterji?
Where did you go?
This turban is loose. Once the horse moves, it will fall off.
And put artificial jasmine flowers. The real ones look good at home.
But once you reach the wedding hall, they turn black
You put artificial jasmine flowers; I will spray the jasmine scent on them.
It will be the con of the century.
Is this is okay?
One minute.
A little loose.
Yes, this is good.
Will the cleavage remain like this? Open?
Tell the makeup person to draw muscles over here.
And don’t keep the pyjamas simple, even the waistband should have embroidery on it.
Masterji, attention to detail.
Mikesh, what the hell is going on?
Hey, Tanu! Surprise!
No, no, he is masterji. He is taking measurements. Masterji, the bride has come.
Sandhya? The bride is here. Take her measurements for the blouse.
Madam, lift your arm.
What is happening? There is a big photo of us hanging outside?
Why have you called me here? What is happening?
Our wedding is happening. We are getting your wedding skirt made.
The problem with readymade ones is that the blouse become tight.
During the garland ceremony, when people will lift us up
and down, you won’t be able to enjoy it to the fullest.
It's better we get it made Tannu!
But why now? We still haven’t decided the date for the wedding.
And I thought our wedding is a closed affair.
So, if only our parents are coming, why so much preparation?
No, everything has changed. Khatri came and changed everything,
planned the whole wedding and has made a guest list of 500 people.
Khatri gave the advance and booked the venue as well.
So everything has changed. Khatri has planned the whole wedding.
Micky, I was on a business trip for 2 days.
And Khatri, who is this Khatri?
Khatri is our relative from my father’s side. I told you about this before.
He is a wedding planner. He has planned everybody’s wedding.
What a brilliant deal he has gotten me! He got me a 5 lakh sherwani for 1.5 lakh
1.5? What? One second, please. Just give us 5 minutes.
Madam, after this, I have to go take measurements of a TV star.
Sorry, just give us 5 minutes.
Masterji, 5 minutes.
Baby, what is this?
What happened? Did you not like this? He showed me another one in baby pink as well.
But it's cleavage was dropping to the navel.
No, I am talking about the wedding.
Do you want this kind of a wedding?
What do you mean?
This kind. Where we and our parents spend lakhs of rupees to please some random
unknown 500 relatives who will come, dance, eat, drink and judge us all night long?
Yes, exactly! Do you read minds?
Didn’t you say that marriages aren’t a one day
affair, what surrounds it is more important?
I just said that in anger to win the argument. You take everything too seriously.
You have told me so many times that you will murder me! Have I filed an FIR against you?
Baby, think about this? You had to quit your job because of me.
Till the time you get a new job, I will be on a maternity leave. Our parents,
too, are retiring soon. We are running low on savings. We cannot afford this.
Tanu, don’t worry about the expenses. Khatri has told
me that the whole wedding will be under 50 to 60 lakhs.
What! Where is this Mr. Khatri? Let me just talk to him and put an end to this crap.
I will decide how my wedding will go, not some Mr. Khatri. Okay?
Tanu? Tanu? At least listen to me. -50 lakhs? Right!
You always leave; never listen to what I am trying to say.
Tanu?
Ok girls. Get in the groove.
Ya, I want a big smile. Come on!
And flowers on.
And bride's entry.
Go right, go left.
Bhaiya, where is Mr. Khatri?
Hey you fucker! Finish it quickly. We need to leave.
Kill it.
I drink about 15- 20 cups of tea in a day. They have to be served hot.
There are 2 things I am very particular about. This is one of them.
But that is the thing with tea you know,
if you leave it lying unattended for a couple of minutes,
it transforms itself from a hot cup of tea to lukewarm sugar water.
And I hate drinking lukewarm sugar water.
So I normally don’t leave my tea to gradually decay by itself, unless,
there is someone trying to ruin the second thing that I am very particular about.
Can you try and take a guess as to how you almost wrecked my wedding?
I am sorry ma’am, actually, my sister had called so I had gone outside.
Make it brief, my tea is getting cold.
To not wear our shoes on the carpet.
The elephant can remember then.
Do you have dreams, child?
Dreams? Do you have dreams? What do you dream about?
Ma’am, I want to open my own restaurant some day.
For purely, fictional purposes,
let us assume that you have managed to set up this beautiful
restaurant, this udipi joint, with veg thallis and all.
And imagine on the opening day,
people have lined up, everyone is dying to enter,
but as you open the door, there you see, a giant muddy patch on the doorstep.
It would break your heart, wouldn’t it? Wouldn’t it?
It would.
Now, imagine, hundreds of people at this wedding,
friends, family, relatives, and everyone’s heart breaking together, at the same time.
I am sorry ma’am. I’ll fix it.
How? The carpet won’t clean itself.
I’ll just clean it.
This carpet is more dear to me than your feet.
You will all go and clean your feet right now.
Let’s go.
Sorry.
I don’t mean to intervene actually we don’t need this.
You don’t have to do this.
We don’t need this carpet.
We don’t need any of this.
When you say we,
is it that bihari thing when you refer to yourself in the plural?
No, no. By we, I mean Mikesh and I.
I am Tanya, the bride to be.
Ya, actually you know I left town for two days and all this misunderstanding.
I... just... This is just not a part of our plan.
Plans change with great leaders.
Give it time, you will be fine.
No, no no no. This is really like not our thing.
This is just too much and
actually I am looking for Mr. Khatri, the one in charge.
If I could just speak to him?
Oh ho, too bad. Mr. Khatri is in Delhi,
his children had monthly tests. So, he decided to stay back.
Okay, so you are?
Seema, the one in charge.
Or as you would rather like to call Mrs. Khatri.
Jagan, get another cup of tea!
We have eaten so much while tasting little bites.
Do you want some tomato sauce?
No, I don’t like Ketchup. Thank you.
No, thank you.
I am done.
I am ordering tea for myself;
do any of you want anything?
Orange Juice? Will you have some?
I will also have an orange juice. I will also have some.
Bring three orange juices and a cold coffee for me.
Ravinder uncle really likes it, let’s see how it tastes here?
I am sorry. Lata, don’t get perplexed.
You told me not to talk about it but I want to say it. Sir?
Yes.
Sir, in my life, a big tragedy has occurred.
It is that I have never become friends with a beautiful man.
All my friends are so ugly.
That Kundu, he looks like a cobbler.
But when I saw you,
I realised, there is God.
I mean, beautiful, you are so beautiful. Sir has got such personality.
You shall see, his jokes will continue like this all day long.
But, really, Mikku also praises you a lot.
Yes, a lot.
He keeps saying that he spoke to you. As if you are his best friend.
No, he has never said best friend.
He may have said close friend, but never best friend.
But he talks a lot about you.
He doesn’t talk about you at all.
But he talks a lot about you.
It is better that he speaks less about me.
He might not have a lot to say about me.
No, no, nothing like that.
Tanya talks a lot.
She has said that she has an aunt who lives in Mumbai.
But I didn’t know that you were so close.
Actually, in her childhood, I was the only woman around her.
She was in the hostel then.
She used to meet me once in a month.
She liked me a lot.
She can’t talk to her father about everything.
So, you must have been a mother-figure to her?
Yeah, she didn’t even have a lot of options,
So she had to make do with me.
Actually, Ila, has been more than an aunt for Tanya.
That is why we were thinking of talking to you about a certain thing.
But Ila said that we should wait until after Mikesh and Tanya’s wedding.
We can talk after that.
Okay, so, we will talk then.
Anyway, we shall keep meeting now.
Without a doubt, without a doubt!
Okay, as you think is right.
Anyway, now we are almost like family.
Yes, yes. Now everybody is family.
Only I have been adopted from an old age home.
That is why; I have been made to sit separately like a driver.
Papa you only said you were feeling cold here. Didn’t you say that?
You should have sat instead of me. Why did you send me away?
Sir, come here. We shall switch off the AC here.
Who is this tall man?
He is Tanya’s father. Papa, you have met him four times before, haven’t you?
Oh, yes. Our boy got your girl pregnant. Sorry.
Yes, you have told me 4 times.
Papa, this is enough. You finish your food.
Eh, is this something to eat?
I thought this would be a wedding atmosphere. I would get pizza etc.
They have sandwiched a banana in milk and roti.
What is this? Banana? Yuck.
Hey Gollu!
Yes, you. Hello! Are you done or do you want to eat more?
Done.
Done? Put all your leftovers in this.
Lata, doesn’t give me food in the afternoons.
I will eat all of it.
Papa, enough of this. Now go and rest.
I shall get 10-12 pizzas for you.
I want chaat masala on top too.
Papa, I shall send oregano for you.
Oregano? Okay.
Old generation. Sorry, I apologize. What do to, I have only one father.
I understand.
*phat phat phat phat phat phat phat*
The crackers should burst for at least 15–20 mins.
Everybody will think it is over.
But again *phat phat phat phat phat phat phat*
It should continue for 15-20 mins more.
And in between light sutli bombs.
There will be surprise in it.
What happened about the horse? The photo hasn’t come yet.
Mikesh?
Yes, yes Tanya, I’ll come in a minute.
Shilpi, pay attention okay?
I want an extremely majestic, white horse.
The child may be less cute. We can cover his face.
But there should be no compromise on the grace of the horse. I’ll be back.
Oh brother, we are done with the phat phat phat.
Tanu where do you keep going?
Do you know how tensed the masterji was?
I am leaving.
Leaving? Don’t you want to rehearse for the dance?
We have a couple dance on “Sajanji ghar aaye”.
Do you know how difficult the steps are?
You can do what you want, I don’t want to do this glittery wedding.
Why are you doing this Tanu? It is so beautiful.
Look at this, we have even installed a Gerard Butler statue.
There are even beggars from Europe. Hi!
Have you seen the love of my life?
No, I don’t have change. Ask someone else.
He is kidding.
What do you want from me? Do you want that to make one night special,
we and our parents should keep paying loans for 3-4 years?
We cannot do this to them. Please, we will have to cancel all this.
How can we cancel this?
We have given 30% in advance to the owner and we have horses auditions,
and now you are talking like this.
I'll look after the horse. At least go and talk to the owner about the advance.
Just talk to him, say sorry and get the advance back, okay?
Then we will go talk to the parents, and they will also understand.
No, Tanu. You... What will the owner think of me; such an unprofessional groom.
Does anybody ask for an advance back like that?
The owner might have a policy. He does business.
Thank God he is here.
Please, take me back? Please!
I told you. I cannot give you kids.
Security! Security! Get her off my property now!
Please, no! Please, no!
Move! -No. No!
Hey Laxman! Hey Lleo!
Who scheduled a threesome on a Tuesday?
Lax... Lleo? Mikesh. Tanya.
We used to drink alcohol together. You used to ask where is the space?
Oh, the one with the dominating girlfriend, right?
Yes.
Ya, ya. Come bro. Ask Scarlet to get me a back massage.
Chop, chop! Move your butt. Come on!
Hey bro. So you are getting married at my place, huh?
Hey kiddo! You have become way hotter, huh?!
This is so big.
Come, I will show you my den.
No, you guys carry on.
This car, horse, is all yours?
Come, it will be fun. -No thanks. You please go ahead.
Your loss.
Too much horse power bro.
Come bro. I’ll show you around.
Where?
I bought a new Jacuzzi. We will skinny dip.
What is the rate of this per square feet?
Very expensive, bro.
Have you put real gold glitter on your jacket? -Yeah, bro.
Taxi?
With respect, Shabnam.
Will you go?
It is online cab. Booking takes place via an app.
Okay. I’ll do it.
I have logged out.
So you won’t take a passenger?
Why don’t you take another cab?
There are so many cab’s around.
I have a family matter. My brother's wedding is taking place.
I may have to go any time.
When they leave..
I roam around them for emergency purposes.
Where they are, I am.
Where I am, there is Shabnam.
Hey! Do you a cigarette?
Oh, Uncle! I am Purshottam.
That night when you chased someone thinking he was a thief, it was me.
Okay, now give me a cigarette.
I don’t smoke.
I used to chew tobacco but my teeth got rotten so I left it.
Damn. I am not getting a pizza. Not getting a cigarette. What kind of life is this?
I was more taken care off over there.
Since, I have come here, wedding, wedding, wedding.
Uncle, I have been waiting for so long for this wedding.
It is good that this time everything it set because of the baby.
The families are also ready. This time the wedding will take place.
Really? Are you sure? Will it take place?
I used to always say that if they took part in Nach Baliye, they would come first.
Their pair is like Ram- Sita.
Who can stop them from being together?
What if I stop them? Will you buy me a cigarette?
You?
Come on. Place a bet. I will break the marriage.
Who breaks a marriage over a cigarette?
You are right!
How much money do you have in your pocket?
Rs.40 for the toll. -Okay, then.
The bet has been set for one packet of cigarette and...
Rs.40, the marriage will break.
He is your grandson. Why would you do that to him?
What is your problem? What is your problem?
Uncle, don’t hit me.
If they are Ram-Sita in Kalyug, I must be Hanuman.
If there are Ram, Sita and Hanuman, then Ravan will come, too.
Masterji, why have you wasted so much cloth?
Cut this make her costume out of it.
Hey, Seema! Mrs. Khatri, I just need to speak to you for 2 mins.
You may, but do I need to listen, because in case you forgot your glasses...
I am kind of in the middle of something here.
Okay, I thought that I would let you know that ...
Mikesh is upstairs talking to the owner and unbooking this venue.
The wedding is not happening here.
I don’t think you were listening to me the last time we spoke.
I was going to speak to my parents, so I thought I should give you a heads up.
You will need the time to clear out these arrangements. So, okay?
Girls you will give us a moment in private, please.
Come on move!
Sandhya, please close the door behind you.
Take a seat Tanya.
Listen, Seema.
I am sorry.
I know you have planned a lot but it is just that it is my day you know?
This day is going to mark the beginning of, touch wood,..
our happy lives together and
I don’t want all this.
So let me just get married the way I want to.
You think this is a marriage?
We have all assembled here for a marriage?
I have been working for the past 3 days for your marriage?
Nope.
This is not a marriage.
There never is a marriage
Here we never just have a marriage.
We have a haldi ceremony, a tilak ceremony
a jaimala, a sangeet, a mehendi,
a reception and what not!
So Tanya, this is not your day of marriage.
This is a 5 day event.
This is a show and I am running it.
A company launches a car
Not the best in design, but cheap, high on mileage
low on maintenance, ideal for the Indian middle class family
But no one purchases the car. You know why?
Because everyone knows
it is meant for the Indian middle class family
and you don’t want a middle class car.
You want a car that is out of your range.
Because in India, your car and your wedding show your status.
And you dared to think that it was your special day?
It is not about you,
it is about the chandeliers and the decorations
it is about the malai kofta and the butter chicken
it is about your jewellery and his turban
it is about the colour of the envelope in which your wedding card was sent,
it is about everything, except you.
Because no one cares about you.
More than half the people in your wedding have never even met you,
nor will they once they finish eating.
People come to a wedding to satisfy 4 out of their 5 senses
They see the lights, they hear the music,
the smell the flowers,
they taste the food but they don’t feel anything for you.
How will they? They have barely even met you.
But they will definitely create a memory for you
and for your family.
And how good that memory is or how bad it is
will depend entirely on how this show was performed.
I have encountered many girls like you in my profession.
You think you are modern,
Educated!
beyond the barriers of Indian society.
These traditions seem silly, orthodox
superstious even.
And what is your response to that?
Touchwood, I will never become like them
Touchwood,
Really!
You find touching the feet of elders ridiculous
but you believe that touching furniture will bring you luck?
You stuff yourself with junk food.
You validate yourself with likes on social media.
You take photographs of yourself inside loos,
and we are the ones who are stupid?
About an hour ago, Sandhya showed me your measurements.
When families themselves are in such a hurry to get their children married,
girls usually have a waist size like yours.
And I have done enough weddings in my life to recognize
what condition you are in.
Now!
if the entire extended family
and friends were to get to know about your pregnancy,
then I don’t think your parents will have a great time.
Please don’t consider it a veiled threat, Tanya
A relative of mine is getting married however distant he maybe,
if people were to get know that he had a lacklustre wedding
it will really hurt my image.
So you see it is a matter of reputation for all of us.
So put on a smile Tanya
and pretend like this is everything you have ever wanted.
You know once the stage is set
and the music starts playing
you will actually start enjoying the process
accept gifts, pose for the cameras,
cry your heart out when your parents see you off.
Align yourself to the plan
and you will be the perfect bride.
Little girls will look up to you and
dream of having a wedding like yours.
This is a show Tanya
so better start dancing to my tunes.
What the fuck, bro?
You should have tied a rock and thrown it.
Or else, the body would come up.
Next time your cat dies, just bury it.
Stop playing these twisted games, bro.
Yeah, Lets meet for golf soon.
Now listen. Say hi to your ex-wife from my side.
Bro
How do you like it?
Really good. Within a year, you have...
done an amazing job.
How?
I received a mail.
Mail?
Yes, some Nigerian Prince was stuck at an airport.
Asked me to send five hundred dolllars, said he'd send five hundred million.
So?
So I sent them and got the money.
Okay.
And what happened to Ritu?
Ritu, who?
Your girlfriend, man.
Who you lived with in Tanya's house...
You used to ask her for 20 bucks for the auto.
Oh, that fat chick.
She left me, bro.
I became impotent last year.
Those were tough times, bro.
You tell me, what will you take?
Blonde, Brunette?
No, no
I did it at home and...
I mean, I'm a one-woman-man.
Sorry.
Scarlett...
Babe, put on a chunri please.
Hello.
Is she...
Bhabhi?
Maid.
You're doing really well.
What a property, with the swimming pool and all.
I wanted to talk to you about some personal matter.
Tell me, bro.
So, Tanya...
doesn't want a a big-fat wedding, she wants a simple one.
And we've paid for the booking.
You want the advance back?
You should have told me earlier. Scarlett,
baby open the cash-room.
No, no, wait Scarlett.
That's what I'm saying...
we don't want the advance back.
Look,
Tanya wants a simple wedding, but I want a lavish wedding here.
So,
I'm asking you...
to lie to Tanya.
Tell her that you can't return the advance.
And then if I convince her, she'll agree.
Sorry, bro.
I don't lie to pretty girls.
Except for the ones I'm dating.
Come on Lleo, I'll just get one day...
What, one day?
I'll get to be a hero only on the day of my wedding.
I'll be on the stage in front of everyone,
they'll bring me gifts,
get photographs clicked with me.
It'll be a chance to feel like a celebrity.
Later, no one cares.
Tanya doesn't understand this!
Getting married in the temple in front of a few people,
then going to the court and signing,
is no wedding.
A wedding should be a loud and lavish affair.
There should be some amount of celebration, or what's the point.
When we've loved so well, we should get married well too.
That's when it'll be a love-marriage.
Or we won't get the 'feel'.
You got it all wrong, bro.
Lleo man, come on. Please, for old times sake bro.
Cool. I'll do it.
I just need a favour.
What?
Get me a bus.
Bus?
Bus.
You want a bus?
I want a bus.
I have said it six times, bro.
No, you've said it thrice.
Bus, bus, bus.
I've said it six times.
Where do I get you a bus from?
Bro, you need me.
And I need a bus.
Now, get me a bus.
Lleo man, you don't get buses at a showroom, that I can buy one and get it for you.
It's a bus!
You're wasting your time, I'm sure Tanya is coming back.
Tick-tock.
Will the toy-bus work?
Tick-tock. Tick-tock.
I wonder how Scarlett tolerates you. I'm going!
What a venue! It's a good place.
Shall we do ours this way too? Or do you want to elpoe and get married in the temple?
It's not a joke ya.
Why were you dropping hints in front of them?
I'm getting married after 32 years.
Do you know how exciting it is?
I can't even tell anyone.
Please, Bridge.
The people that matter, Mikesh-Tanya. They know about it, right?
It's a matter of 4-5 days.
Let the wedding happen.
We don't know how will their family react.
Why will they react negatively?
You guys are here!
I've been looking for you since so long.
Sorry.
Climbing stairs makes me...
Are you feeling okay?
Yes... I
I might have...
said something wrong in the morning.
So, I came to apologise.
Since I'm old,
I don't even remember anything.
If I might have said something wrong, please forgive me.
No, no, uncle.
You didn't say anything wrong.
You have such a great family.
You have such a principled daughter.
We've been so lucky.
Thank you.
I just have a request from you.
Tell me?
Please don't come to the wedding.
I?
I shouldn't come?
Why?
Lata doesn't like you.
She was saying she doesn't know who you are...
You're her aunt and are tring to her mother.
And you're unmarried as well.
You work outside.
So, if you come for the wedding,
Lata will gossip with other people about you.
I won't be able to bear it.
But I was so nice to her.
Why did she say this?
She's from a bad family.
She was saying,
'she sticks to herr brother-in-law,
we don't understand what's going on. '
I apologise on her behalf.
No, no, uncle.
This is a small town mentality.
No matter how much money they make, their thinking doesn't change.
Look, you shouldn't give her a chance to gossip in the first place.
Just don't come for the wedding, there'll be no problem at all.
Why won't she come?
There's a reason that she's sticking to me.
Wait a minute, please.
Let me...
Look sir,
I'm telling you,
after the wedding, we'll tell them too.
But please keep this to yourself.
Yes, of course.
Tell me, have complete trust.
Anyway, after sometime I won't remember it, I'll forget.
I swear on my 'soon-to-be-grandchild',
I won't tell anyone.
Okay?
What?
What is he doing?
The brother and sister-in -law are getting married.
I went to the terrace and...
they were getting cosy.
Dad, but...
you also exaggerate everything and talk. You know that, right?
Hey, why would I...
I mean what would I get out of lying?
Or go ask them yourself.
They're doing 'Hum Aapke Hain Kaun' in this age.
That's what I've been wondering,
how can such a handsome man be single?
Such a charmer he is.
You keep quiet for a minute.
So Dad,
What else were they saying?
But I'm a liar, why will you listen to me?
Come on, tell me dad.
Look, Lata.
Yes, I am that. But anything new?
We don't get along, everyone knows.
I say a lot of hurtful things to you.
Why?
Because you're a part of my family.
But if an outsider criticises you, I can't bear it.
Why? What happened?
Did they say anything?
They were saying, 'she's from a small town,
they don't have class,
how will Tanya stay with them?'
They said that?
They were saying this about me?
Did sir say anything about me?
I mean,
bonding, connection, friendship,
did you hear such key words?
Look, Lata.
Think about it once.
The girl is nice.
Gorgeous, the girl is very good.
She can become your daughter-in-law.
But she's their daughter.
And our is a Romeo, after all.
No, no, no.
You're wrong here.
All the men in our family are very strong...
You keep quiet.
Yes, okay.
Look.
I'll go talk to them in the afternoon.
How can they hide such a big thing from us?
In the morning itself, when she came...
I knew something was up.
If you're the aunt, behave like one, why try to become the mother?
Lata, talk sweetly. It's a family matter...
be careful.
I'll just have my medicine and come.
Kill it.
It's alright Tanya.
Next time,
just like your feet,
move left.
Okay?
And more smile. Remember it's your wedding after all.
We'll go again in five.
I need some fresh air.
Yes, no...
Let me check and tell you.
I don't know yet...
You see, if it's possible.
Alright.
Yeah, bye.
Hey!
Hi!
You, okay?
Yes, I was talking to my sister.
Everything is okay, right?
Why?
I know it's an audio call, and you can't see the other person, but...
it's not compulsary to close your eyes and talk.
Actually I do it because...
I just imagine that she's next to me...
I like it.
Why? You don't like it here?
Because of Udippi?
Why don't you talk to these people?
Make some friends, you'll feel better.
Actually...
I just joined recently.
So I don't really know anyone.
Imagining your sister here makes you feel better?
Yes!
I mean at least she cares about me, right?
Being with her is better than being with a
hundred people, who don't even know me.
Yeah.
You know, you're right.
Thank you.
Actually, I have a friend who owns a restaurant...
So after I'm done here,
you remind me to give you his number.
Okay.
After your wedding?
No, like...
in fifteen minutes.
Even I need some fresh air.
Okay.
Hey, Karunesh.
Karunesh.
Don't do coke in your dream. You'll double-trip.
Lleo.
Bro, the bus...
What are you doing bro?
They're mint leaves bro.
Scarlett wants to make chutney. I'm helping her out.
Cool.
Hi Scarlett.
Bro, I can't find a bus.
How do I just find one?
Because of you I entered a school bus.
While pushing the kids outside, I almost got beaten up by the school conductor.
No problem, bro. Get me a cab.
What?
Bro if you could make do with a cab, you should have told me earlier!
The cab will be here in 2 minutes.
Why did you need a bus then?
I'm going for a very important meeting. If I go by bus, it'll be more impactful.
How will it be more 'impactful' if you went in a bus?
Just a minute.
Hello.
Yes, I'm upstairs. I am coming.
It's here.
And no matter how important the meeting is, you'll just call for a bus?
Use your brain, it's the same route, same destination...
Think a bit practically bro.
Why?
You too wanted to be a hero, just for a day.
Wasn't that impractical?
But I didn't ask for a bus, I just wanted a grand wedding...
If you want to be a hero...
use your talent,
why are you using your budget?
You can stand on the roof of the bus or
lie down on the backseat of the cab,
what's important is who you're going with.
Just choose the most sensible option to start your journey.
Otherwise, earn money,
have fun,
take a trip to Vegas,
do match-fixing.
Why are you giving me money?
What are you trying to say bro?
I'm not trying,
winners don't try.
I'm saying.
Don't do this.
Don't go by bus, go by cab.
You'll be happy.
Why are you causing yourself damage for me?
You're a nice guy, bro.
You gave me your charger.
You know what?
You're the second best guy I know, bro.
What happened bro?
Nothing.
Was just thinking about Tiwari.
Bro, stop right there.
I hate hugging grown up, fully clothed men, bro.
Just stay away.
Bro you haven't updated your Manhood Software.
All the bugs have been removed in the new software.
These days men hug a lot.
Hey, Mikesh bhaiya.
What happened? Is everything okay?
Let's go. Shabnam is standing downstairs.
Oh god. These Arab chicks just can't take no for an answer.
Scarlett. Baby call security.
Hey, Shabnam is his taxi's name.
I saw your number and got scared.
I thought there might again be a problem in your wedding.
Why? What happened?
I think I'll order something simple. Like Dal-Chawal.
Because we anyway have it everyday at home.
Shall I order something for you?
Burger, Pasta or Noodles?
Will you have something?
No, I'll go home and eat.
Why bother anyone here?
I'll go home and eat .
Will you go to your own house?
No.
Actually I was thinking, tonight I'll go to their house.
Spend the night there.
What is your plan after this?
I haven't thought about it yet.
Yes, so let's both of us go and...
Right now!?
No, no. At seven thirty.
That's when Happy Hours start.
You're Mohan, I'm Mohan,
we must have some fun.
What are you doing? Keep quiet.
Bhaisaab.
Yes.
In the morning, you started talking about something...
I think you wanted to say something. Something close to your heart.
Yes, actually...
It's better if we talk about it right now.
Yes.
Since the past two years, Ila and I...
Bridge not here.
No, no. Let him talk, please.
He has such a great voice.
His voice has so much bass, just like Mr. Bachan.
Please keep talking.
Keep quiet.
Since the past two years...
Bridge, not in front of people who won't get it.
Yes! We won't get it! How can we get it!?
Because we are working class people from small
towns. So we can't get it. How can we get it?
Why are you talking like this?
Ila, please.
Bhaisaab, we had been talking since a while, right?
So at least you could have told us.
But what is his fault?
What do you mean?
- What is his mistake? - What do you mean?
A handsome man like him has multiple affairs.
You keep quiet!
Will he go around telling everyone?
No, no. Whatever you're doing is right.
Don't listen to him.
One shouldn't do this.
This is not the way.
Please clean this properly.
Scrub it and clean it.
Seema?
So, you promised me a perfect wedding, right?
Yeah. Why? What happened?
Is it the carpet? Because a new one is on it's way already.
No, no. It's not the carpet.
Something is just not right.
It's just... I really don't know...
Come. I'll show you.
Tanya.
My tea.
I'll help you.
Come, come.
Something is not right.
I can't really tell.
Can you see it?
Is it the frame?
Tanya. I can see that you're now quite excited about your wedding.
Which is good, very good.
But they haven't finished doing up this place as yet.
It's not the frame.
It's something else.
Something doesn't belong here.
Okay.
I think I know what the problem is.
It's you.
You don't belong here.
Why would you be a part of my wedding?
Do we have to go through this entire charade all over again, Tanya?
Or is this your lame attempt at humour?
You think it's lame?
I think it's hilarious!
You know, back there, you almost convinced me.
After your little speech, you almost convinced me...
to parade myself in front of these five hundred strangers...
that never did or will care about me.
I mean, of course, the expenditure was a huge concern but...
this was the part that I hated the most.
To display myself, like a prop...
in front of these five hundred strangers, especially the ones like you.
You're just getting anxious Tanya.
It's very sweet.
See, at the end of the day, I'm here. For your wedding.
I'm going to give you an album...
that you can show to people the rest of your life.
If it's the guest list that's bothering you, then we can talk about it.
We'll figure that one out.
I'm here for you.
But why now Seema?
Where were you before?
In Mikesh and my life, we never saw you before.
School, college, job, interviews, illness, accidents
We've seen so much, Seema. But we never saw you .
And today, you care about my wedding?!
I'm a human being Seema.
I'm not a wedding skirt, that you appreciate me one day
and then forget about it.
You know what the funny thing is?
The most hilarious part is, that the people who actually, really care about me,
are right now worried about pleasing those five hundred strangers...
like you, at me wedding.
You.
Who are you?
Why should we care about what you think?
Who gave you this power to interfere in my wedding?
Knowledge gave me the power, Tanya.
My knowledge...
about your condition.
I think you somehow missed that part.
And you know what happens, if you do not follow my instructions.
You know Seema, there's this old hindi song...
My dad really likes it, so I was listening to it the other day
Sorry, pardon my voice, it's really bad right now.
I don't care.
I don't care what you go and say to whomsoever it is that you want to about me.
Because the people that I really care about,
and who really care about me, are right by my side.
And I don't need anyone else.
So I won't keep you waiting any longer.
I am sure you have a lot of engagements to take care of. So, come.
Come.
Tanya!
What?
Please drop her wherever she wants.
You don't have to worry. I'll make sure everything
is packed and delivered to your next location.
Now, please take a seat Seema.
And permanently get lost from my life.
Wait, wait.
Just so you know, I don't disrespect what you do.
Infact, I wish you all the best.
But it's just not for me.
So along with all your advice about how I should marry,
Please take this back as well.
Because this...
is not my cup of tea.
Hey, Tanu!
Have you seen mom and dad?
No. Did you speak with Lleo?
Yes...
He wasn't ready to return the advance...
He held my collar and said,
'how can you ask for the money?'
And then he called Russian Security.
I lowered him and hit him with my elbow,
his nose started bleeding.
Then he said sorry and that he'll return it.
He'll return the advance.
You aren't sad, are you?
No, I'm not sad.
One should think practically.
Why call for a bus?
We'll take the cab and be happy.
We were going to come by bus?
Was thinking about the vidaai.
I was using the metaphor of the bus to explain the context to Lleo.
He's stupid, doesn't understand.
I'll explain it to you later.
Now let's go. Purshottamji was scaring me.
We must find our parents.
Scarlett told me they were somewhere here.
I don't know where they disappear.
They're having their own picnic.
Yes, they all must be together.
Grandpa, are our parents together?
Put down your finger.
Put your finger down, am I raising my finger?
Don't change the topic.
What do you mean?
Don't change the topic!
Yes. You always change the topic.
She does.
Bridge, there's no point.
Keep quiet.
Hey, mom!
Mom, you start fighting everywhere.
Dad, you too...
Dad, I'm talking to you.
Aunty.
You say, what happened?
What's wrong?
I'll tell you what's wrong Tanya.
Your father and your...
whoever she is,
they are wrong.
They are wrong.
I've heard enough.
It's enough.
I promise you that you'll get married to my Miku.
That's my promise.
But look, at your wedding...
if all these people come...
we won't come.
Enough. I've said it. We will not come.
Now you guys do whatever you think is fine.
You come with me.
Lata...
Come on.
What are you doing?
It's enough.
What are you saying Lata?
My sherwani will get wasted.
I'll just be back.
But don't forget our, seven-thirty-happy-hours-plan.
Come on!
Yes!