Thank you
Bhavna… Amma has called five times already
Then call her back
I don't have balance
Okay, use my phone
Amma will find out that you’re with me
Then she'll keep calling you. I can't take that risk
Bhavna, Pushpa
Check out that grey shirt guy
He is so cute
Bloody idiot!
He thinks plastic bottles are safer than glass bottles
Someone should just add 3% acetic acid in his plastic bottle
-That’ll teach- -Hey!
You’ve spoken to him?
Yes
Then go get his phone number
Saloni! Please have some standards
He was fighting with me for 550 Rupees
Listen, you go get his number and you, recharge her phone!
Done
350 Rupees
750 Rupees full talk time
Fine! Go
Get his number
My pleasure
Excuse me?
Oh hey! If it isn't the girl that loves glass bottles
-What's up? -Okay…
Can I have your card please?
Oh now you want my card
How come?
Okay, you see the girl behind?
-That one? -Don’t point!
So, she has a huge crush on you
and she thinks that you're very cute
So if you could give me your number
then she’ll recharge my number
with 750 Rupees full talk time
Okay, but what if she keeps calling me?
Okay, give me a fake number
Yeah, but what if she realizes it's a
fake number and doesn't give you your 750 Rupees
full talk time?
Okay then give me your real number
I'll give her real number to you
if she calls, don't pick up
Somehow that makes complete sense
-What’s her number? -I’ll do it
Yeah
And what name do I store it as?
Don't pick up
-What? -Save it as don’t pick up
Because if she calls, you won't pick up
Also makes sense
Thank you
-Card… -Oh, yeah
-Here you go -Thank you
Oh Hey, but what’s your name?
Amma, about that Friday
Oh ya. No need to come on Friday
Instead of you, your father's cousin sister is coming
She is 95 years old
Pazutha sumangali
Meaning?
She is a ripe married woman
Che Ma
That's disgusting!
What’s disgusting is pubic hair!
Listen, that Chennai boy is coming to Bangalore this Friday
Do one thing, just add some cough syrup to the children’s food
While they are sleeping you go and meet him
If you don't go this Friday,
then gone
Ok gone
There are other boys no on that website
Pushpavalli, he is much better looking than you
and he doesn't mind that you are chubby!
Amma, if you are so ashamed of me then no need to look for a boy for me
Don't try this emotional blackmail with me
You’re only doing emotional blackmail
You only want me to be someone's maid!
…Maid?
Amma…
Amma please
Amma, don't cry
Stop it!
I am your villain right?
I don't want you to be happy right?
Your father's mother said I killed him
Now you are telling me I am killing you
No, ma…
It's all my bad fate
Amma, okay listen
first I'll talk to him then I'll meet him
Okay?
Alright
I was on my way back…
You know the building next to us is undergoing construction right?
I was just jogging past that
and one of the workers started flashing!
This happens a lot
I'm sitting at my desk in office, working
and the window cleaners are cleaning the window from outside
I just happen to look outside and one of them is flashing me
Uh-uh… they get turned on by looking at the disgust on your face
Who does these things!
I have done it once
And I've done it thrice
But isn't that dangerous?
It's thrilling.
Pushpavalli... Pushpavalli
Yeah?
Has this ever happened with you?
We’re talking about flashing
Oh ya ya
Actually what happened was, it was raining
The roof started leaking so
mom called the plumber
and she flashed
Eh... Don’t break your head over flashing incidents
Once it has happened 20 to 30 times means you get used to it
Mind will not mind
But you can do one thing
Carry a hockey stick
Next time that loafer is showing you his packet means
Hit the balls
You should hit a goal!
Paashupalli, where is my deposit?
Vasu, I'll get it soon…
Keep your "soon" to yourself
Tonight come back with deposit, or else don't come back
And girls, curfew time is not evening 9pm, it is now evening 8pm
Vasu, how can you be so regressive?
Oh wow!
Regressive!
In front of me, you use these 2-2 kilo words
You should have said that, to the boy who flashed you
Fuck that
Here you go madam, sir
Green shirt is looking good on you
OH! The helmet thief is here!
Start stealing yours, I mean hiding yours
She’ll steal anyone’s helmet and run away
Are you done?
What is this, madam?
You stole that poor soul’s helmet yesterday
He got caught by the police at EGL
He got fined
His wife was with him
He was so embarrassed
You just ran away with his helmet but he suffered such a huge loss
He told you that?
No! But I am sure that’s what happened
But why did you steal the helmet?
You don't even own a bike
Do you own a bike?
I have some old bike back wheels, I'll give them to you for cheap
Will you buy?
Are you done?
Yes
May I talk now?
Yes
Has Nikhil come yet?
No, he hasn't!
And what is really going on with you two?
Madam, are you an eyewitness to his crime?
Is he a murder?
What?
Sorry, is he a murdererer?
Look, I don't want blood pressure problems at such a young age
My blood pressure will shoot up!
So please, If he shows up, will you call me?
for heaven's sake?
Keeps yapping all day
We usually get along really well
Fuck a poodle!
You don't have any friends, right?
You don't have any friends in Bangalore?
No, you're my friend. But I don't have any new friends
So you probably don't go like club dancing?
Staying out late at night?
Oh no
My PG has a curfew, so I can't
Oh... So you probably go to bed early then
Yeah, sometimes you have to, so...
Yeah
So, you mind explaining to me
Why the fuck you’re late again?
Huh?
Say!
One of the girls at the PG got flashed by construction workers
Exactly!
That was my exact expression
I mean what's the big deal, right?
I mean everybody flashes
Some of the PG girls have flashed
I have flashed
My mom's flashed!
Your mom has flashed?
Yeah
I mean she had to get work done during Diwali, so she flashed
What the fuck happened after your dad died?
Go along, Betu boy!
Have a lovely day, okay?
Hi
I am here to drop these and Arhaan
Okay
Are you new here?
Yeah, I just joined about three weeks back
Ah
What's his name, again?
Arhaan
A-R-H double A N
- That's right - Swati!
Pankaj!
Hi
How was the vacation?
Oh my God
Spain is just breathtaking, I tell you
- Wow! - Yeah
Hey, you are making new hires?
Yes
Where's Gauri?
I had to let her go actually
- That's a shame - Yeah
It's a shame
But this is Pushpavalli
Sorry?
Pushpavalli
Oh God, I'm so sorry
Again?
Pushpa-valli
Oh
What does that mean I wonder?
It means…
It means a creeper
Wonderful
So, are you going to be staying back for our first ever Sunny Side Up workshop?
That's the face of an excuse maker... That's an excuse coming
You know me so well
I'm just swamped, Pankaj
Ah, okay
I should be running actually
-Alright -Betu boy!
Mummy loves you
I'll come back in the evening, okay?
Bye
Bye...uh...
- Pushpavalli - Yes, that's right
Nice to meet you
Nice shirt!
Oh, thank you
Nice stuff you've got there - Bye
Freakin’ ornithologist texted
Bastard's not gonna make it
Why?
Some shit about a fucking eagle attack
Son of a bitch, I gave him an advance also
Pankaj, why would you give him an advance?
You never trust people who take advances
I took an advance from the parents
But you're different
I mean... usually
Maybe we could give them a refund?
Oh refund?
- Yeah - Did you say refund?
- Yeah - Oh I thought I heard you say refund
Yeah, you know what? We should refund them now
and then we should send them like a gift basket to apologize, right?
Yeah, sure
Then you can buy them all fucking corduroy pants, how about that!
Corduroy pants?
You know what I am fucking talking about
I am not going to lose some money because of a fucking eagle attack
Okay
Let me do the workshop
Just whatever money you were going to pay him, pay me
Let me do the workshop
Yeah
No
Pushpavalli, these parents might be dumb enough to waste their money
on bird workshops
But they aren't stupid enough to think that you're a fucking ornithologist
Yes. Now that’s the sound a pigeon makes
And pigeon is a…
It's a stupid bird
It's a bad bird, it's a nuisance
Now, what sound does a cuckoo bird make?
Arhaan, no
that's the sound of a buffalo, okay? This is cuckoo
Okay. Good, good
Sit down
Next, you have to tell me what sound does a parrot make?
What sound does parrot make
Very nice
Very nice. Very funny.
Very funny
Very nice
Very funny
Oh, kids you want a 10 minute break? Huh?
10 minutes break? Juice break? Orange juice break?
Ya 10 minutes break! Go! Go! All of you go!
Ya T-Boi
Is he there, yet?
He's been here for five minutes
He's almost done with his cigarette
No. stall him, stall him
I am coming. I am coming
Hey! Hey!
Where are you going?
I'll have 1 cup of tea
1 cup of Tea. Hot
Lee?
Pushpavalli?
Nikhil... Nikhil!
Pushpavalli!
Oh my God
Nikhil!
Hi! How are you?
Oh! Get in here
How are you?
- Oh my God, you live in Bangalore - Yeah! Sit
I completely forgot you live in Bangalore
Yeah, I work right here
O. K. Rao exports
So, when did you get here?
About 3 weeks back
3 weeks ago?
Yeah
Wow
So, the pigeon you sent to tell me this obviously got shot
Right?
What?
Why didn't you call me?
Oh
Oh no, I... I lost my phone
Then I got a new phone
- I lost your number - Okay, okay
So, what are you doing in Bangalore?
Oh, I work right here
Right here?
No
Well, not right here
Like as in, like a little away
About... you go straight from here
- Right - And then you take the second left
The third... from the... 15 minutes away
- 15 minutes away - Yeah
Pretty long walk just for tea, right?
Yeah, but it's great tea
It is great tea!
- Yeah - I come here all the time
- It's the best - That's right
You know what
let me show you the office
- Come - Yeah, sure
Actually, I am...I am so sorry but I have to head back
my boss is calling
Okay let's just have tea
No, I...
1 cup of tea, Lee
Come on
Okay, okay
- Yeah - Yeah
2 cups of tea
-Getting it, sir!
Wow this is such a pleasant surprise!
Yea, its...
It happened very suddenly
I didn’t plan
So take my number
And then the mother bird regurgitates the remaining earthworms
into it’s children’s mouths
Regurgitation is the act of expelling material from the pharynx…
Uncle, I can't understand
Okay, what did you have for breakfast today?
chow-chow pudding
Of course you did
Okay, imagine there’s no chow-chow pudding in your house
So your mother had to go buy chow-chow pudding from outside
Unfortunately your mother
Doesn’t have any hands alright
Alright
Don't freak out
your mother doesn't have any hands
So she has to eat the chow-chow pudding,
Come back home
And vomit it into your mouth
Uncle, I don't eat vomit
I'm giving you an example
Uncle, I don't want example
Yeah, and I don't wanna be here, alright
Just wait, she is coming
I'm trying my freakin' best
Just go look at that bird
See that bird?
What bird is that?
Try to figure it out
Freakin' Pushpavalli
So how sumangali prarthanai works is that you call regular married couples
but my mom went a step ahead and got a really ripe couple this time
What... What do you mean ripe?
Like ripe as in
the wife is about 95 years old, the husband is 97 years old
So they are really ripe
95 and 97
and these people are virgins?
No no
The opposite of virgins
Like… they have been together for so long,
they are so old together, they are super ripe!
So what does your mom do with these people?
So the key to a really good Pooja
is to make sure that you keep them happy throughout the Pooja
And right after the Pooja the wife
Should cry
Out of happiness
What? That's insane
Yeah, and if it rains right after that, that's double whammy
It's bonus
So... So what your mom collects the tears and the rainwater
and makes some sort of holy tea?
No...
Holy tea!
You get it?
Holy tea
I mean you guys are crazy
Who makes holy tea?
Get out of the way Get out of the way
Settle down!
Settle down and wait for your mothers to…
Enough!
I swear... Ungrateful piece of shit
I am sorry I am sorry, is it done? Is it-
Hey, you freakin' bastard
Where the hell were you?
No, the tea guy didn't have change
You were having freakin' tea
Bloody I am sitting and explaining what the fuck bird vomit is over here
After I had tea he didn't have change
I swear… Oh hi
-Hi -Hi
Where's Arhaanu?
Arhaanu. Come
Betu boy!
Come here, come here
- Sorry I am late - It's okay
- Mumma!
Come to mumma
Hi
Looks like he's had such a good day
You're looking so happy
Good day, good workshop?
Good workshop?
You know it was...it was a little bit...
It was a little bit too amazing
- Really? - Yeah, everyone had a great time
We had a great interaction with the kids
And...Pankaj here, he taught all the kids all the bird noises
- Yeah - Really?
Tell her about the cuckoo bird
Show
That's the one
You did that?
He taught me
in two minutes
Wow!
I don't even... It's...yeah.
Pankaj, I'm really happy for you
Well, I am happy, you know if you are happy
Oh my God Why didn't I think of this before?
Pankaj, why haven't we done this before?
Done... done what before?
Pankaj, I work with dogs
you work with children
We should just do a dog and children show
That's a great idea
Betu boy, wouldn't you love that?
- Yeah - Yes?
- Yes - You would
Yeah, okay
You know well, if you're I mean if you're free.. then we could
go out and discuss it now... or later, you know
Whenever... You know we could...
Maybe later
Right
Yes, sure
Right now Betu boy's batteries look drained
They are no?
We’ll eat some food?
Should we go home and eat some snacks?
Come on
See you guys
Bye
- Bye - Come on Betu boy
- Bye - Let's go home
Bye! It was really nice meeting you
And you
I've met her before...
So, can I get the workshop money?
I'm sorry? The workshop money?
Do you mind if I ask what you're gonna use it for?
Oh, I was just gonna buy some stuff for my house
Oh... household items
Right
Would you mind if I made a little recommendation though?
Yeah
Okay
you should buy a toaster, right?
- Okay - Put it in a fucking bucket of water
fucking put your head in it and then see where that takes you, huh!
You're gonna ask for money now?
Ask!
-These girls are thinking…
-Vasu!
-Vasu is a… Stop!
-…fool Vasu, what are you doing?
Enough is enough
What are you doing?
I've had enough of you people
You think I don’t know what you’re upto? Get out!
Vasu!
Vasu, this is wrong
You can't throw me out in the middle of the night, Vasu
Oh
This is wrong?
For one month I ran behind you for rent
Yeah
All you said was, I'll give it, I'll give it
You gave a head that's what you gave!
Now you just get out
Where will I go in the middle of the night?
I don't care!
Go stay with some boy
...or girl I don’t need to know
I know you have personal issue against me
So many girls have not paid the rent
and that Pushpavalli has not even paid the deposit
You don't worry
Next, I'll throw that Paashupalli out of this PG
You want to watch cinema?
Come tomorrow night
Same thing I'll do with that Paashupalli
But now before I throw a flower pot at your head, get out
Get out of here. Go!
They turn up from nowhere
with no money in their pockets
Is this a shelter?
Vasu PG!
Ei! Your grandma’s-
In front of Vasu's PG you're opening your knickers and showing your packet?
Come here
Making your birth look worthless Ill take care of it wait. Come here!
You think you’re some flash dancer? Stop!
Wait! I am coming. Ei you better stop!