-Hi -Hi
Do you want some company?
No. I am fine. Thank you
-You’re sure? -Yeah
So you’re going to sit there and drink your tea by yourself
Cool
Good plan
Do you want some company?
Well, now that you've asked
So
You never told me your name
Pushpavalli
What?
Pushpa-
Pushpavalli
Yeah that's too long
I am going to call you Lee
Okay
Oh, hey
The next seminar has started. Do you want to head in?
It's about ‘organic foods’. It's fine
Do you have a problem with organic foods?
No I don't have a problem with ‘organic foods’
You look like a you have a problem with organic foods
No
I don't have a problem
Oh come on, you have that same look on your
face when we were arguing about plastic vs glass
No… I don’t what you… No, it's all good
So you're fine with organic food
Yeah
You think it's great
Yeah yeah
You think it's the best
It's the best thing to have ever happened to
-mankind -It's a scam
There it is
Listen, please. You have to listen to me
These people who are selling organic foods?
They are lying!
And these rich pretentious people just pick up these plastic packets
with stickers that say organic and be like
‘Hey!
We’re just going to eat organic food now because that’s
the thing. That's what we should do’
They don't know even know what organic is
Do they even know that farmers spend a lot of money
to get organic certification done? No!
Do they even know just because it is pesticide free
doesn't mean it's organic? No! None of this
They know none of this
They just walk around
with the organic stickers on their packets
And be like, ‘Oh now we're these hoity-toity people
Look at us. We just believe in good things and that is organic’
If they’re so obsessed
just pick up a sticker
and put it on your head saying that ‘organic only’
Wow
You have a problem with the sticker also
No. See
The sticker doesn’t do anything. It doesn't change anything
If I take a book
and I stick a sticker saying
banana
Does this become a banana?
No. It's still a book
This is still a banana
Book! Banana!
Okay
Well…
After this, there's a talk on Okra. Do you want to go for that?
Yes!
I really want to go for that
Do you want to come with me for it?
Let's talk to this man who wants to call it ‘Okra’
You have a problem with Okra also?
No. I do not have a problem with okra
In fact I am looking forward to meet this man
who is so pretentious-
-it's Bhindi!
Okay. Why is he so ashamed to call it Bhindi?
He has to call it Okra?
Because if he is so ashamed
why doesn't he grow his precious little Okra
in his small little kitchen garden
and then go to the kitchen
and cook it in small cutlery saying
‘Oh Okra!
Let me cook you. Then go to a cabinet,
close it and be like sorry world
I will eat my bhindi in the cupboard
because I cannot call it Bhindi outside
I will call it Okra outside
Because I am a pretentious fart!
You know what, you're right
Maybe I will call it Bhindi
What is the point of you and me calling it Bhindi?
The key note speaker of the day,
the one who is doing an ‘interactive session on Okra’
he should call it, Bhindi
Idiot!
I am that idiot…
I'll see you in a bit
Guys, it’s been two days
Nikhil has neither called nor messaged
Will it look desperate if I call?
Moving cities for a boy is desperate
Not calling
Paashupalli
You have a small suitcase?
Small one?
Vasu, I have a suitcase but it's big.
No problem
Can you show me?
Take it out
Oh, it's big
Remove
Can you please open it?
Vasu, it's empty
Open it
Otherwise, you will say I am thief or something
Open
Where's the zip?
Here it is. This one right?
Yes
Oh, it’s quite firm
Paashupalli, where is your cupboard?
Cupboard?
You keep your clothes no? Where is that cupboard?
But why cupboard, Vasu?
Paashupalli, where is your cupboard?
There
That one?
Vasu
You don't have my deposit
Vasu... Vasu
Deposit and all you don’t have
But so many clothes you have
Vasu, Vasu, please
Vasu
Vasu, Vasu, please let me
What is this?
Top?
Jacket?
Dress?
Vasu! Vasu! Please, I'll pay you the deposit
I'll pay you
I'll pay you right now
You do one thing
You go to a different PG
And do this pay-pay-pay drama with someone else
Just leave
Vasu, I'll pay you right now
I have 500 rupees somewhere
- I'll just give it to you right now - 500?
Hey! Who do you think I am! A temple beggar?
You only keep it
And get out
Vasu, please don't throw me out
- Vasu... - No talking
Just get out
Vasu, but where will I go?
Just go from here
Get out!
-Vasu! -Ei!
Return our deposit right now
Cutie, don't disturb when I am evicting somebody
For the past 2 weeks, we have been buying our own sushi
plus, we are paying rent
Return our deposit
Otherwise, we will call CBI Uncle
So sweet!
Call CBI Uncle, CID Uncle, James Bond Uncle, I don't care
Because there is no rule that if I am not giving you food
I have to give your deposit back
But there is a rule that you can't force people into prostitution
We'll tell him we are prostitutes
This is a brothel
and you are our madam
BDA people are already troubling me
because my compound wall is jutting by 2ft
Now for 2 idlis you are putting so much pressure?
Is this right?
Understand my situation
How I will find a new cooker, immediately?
- I just... - Vasu... Vasu, I'll cook
I'll cook, Vasu
Until you find a new cook, I'll cook breakfast everyday
You cannot become cooker
Then we have to become hookers!
Eh!
Okay
You be cooker
And you, top to bottom keep clothes
Such monsters these girls are
Let's go and tell everyone that ‘only 90's kids will get it?’
- Get what?
- Nothing
Pushpavalli, what food you cooked
Thank you
After marriage, If your husband beats you up
Then after eating this he will not let you sleep on the floor
He will let you sleep on the bed
Paashupalli, this is first and last time you are making dosa
Why, Vasu?
You don't like dosa?
I like it very much
But don’t make it
Why because
Triple refined sunflower oil
Is not falling from the sky
for us to leap and catch it
Yeah?
102 rupees per litre
Will not work out
From tomorrow follow the board in the kitchen
Okay, Vasu
- Alright? - Yeah
- Understood? - Yes
Vasu
why do you always eat alone?
Come, join us
I like eating alone
But that's so sad
What's sad about that?
Today I will sit with you girls and I will eat
And then tomorrow
When I have to throw you out,
you are going to come running to me,
‘Vasu, don’t you remember?
Once upon a time we all sat together and we ate
those days
when I gave you my dosa? You took the drumsticks from my sambhar?
Don't you remember?
And now how can you do this to me?
Love… Trust
Don't want all that drama
From tomorrow, board
Okay
Ma, why are you calling and then singing?
Today is the happiest day of my life, Pushpavalli
A proposal has come for you from America
I thought this won't happen
But his parents called and they are very very interested in you!
Where in America?
Huh?
Next to the Telephone exchange
Shut up
He is in America and his parents are interested in ‘you’
Alright. Send his profile
I'll take a look
What is this attitude?
Meaning?
Pushpavalli, I can bring the cow to you
You have to decide whether to tie the cow, graze the cow
Or have children with it
If you don't decide the cow will run away
Okay…
Anyway
I said yes on your behalf
Ma, how can you do that?
Ma, what is this village bumpkin behaviour?
I’ll throw my shoe at you!
Who are you calling a village bumpkin?
If I was a village bumpkin
By now you would have had 3 kids
Ma...
Is it my fault I want to see one marriage succeed before I die?
Ma, but appa and your marriage was a success
But appa died, Pushpavalli
Yeah, but what if this boy dies?
Bloody Jinx! Bloody Jinx!
You're talking about becoming widow even before getting married
You don't understand the pain, Pushpavalli
Living alone, eating alone, sleeping alone-
Ma, ma, okay!
I'll talk to him
But if I don't like him means-
- Pushpavalli - Amma!
Alright
I'll send the profile
you'll have to talk
Okay?
I'll talk
Nice!
Nice, very nice
Nice, oh that's not... not bad
Next one, next one
Don't eat it, don't eat it
- I'm not eating - Don't eat it
You're eating it
You're eating it, no?
Little bit you're eating
It's tasty or what?
Do more of that
No, dip it in
Dip it in, do more of that
more...
Seriously?
No no Nazia
Okay kids, keep blowing bubbles
Yeah, keep blowing bubbles
More bubbles!
Yes, bubble competition
Yeah, keep blowing, keep blowing bubbles
You're going to have to lock up
I am leaving early today
Yeah, but who were you talking to?
It's none of your business
You're getting defensive
It's a girl
What's her name?
Tell me what's her name
Where did you meet her?
Oh my god, where did you meet her?
You're blushing
Look at you, where did you meet her?
- Okay, okay, you know Forum Mall? - Yeah
- You know the road outside? - Yeah
- There's a bus stand over there? - Yeah
You know the number 43 bus that keeps coming and going?
Yeah yeah!
I'm going to push you in front of the bus if you don't
fucking mind your own business right now, okay?
Pankaj, you took so long to insult me, you could have just told me the story
Yeah, but we're working right now
I don't wanna be fucking discussing personal details when-
Pankaj, yes you are my boss
‘don't take advantage of me.’ But we're also friends right?
You can tell me. Remember me?
I was the one who got you Rubina in 8th standard?
I made sure she filled up your slam book
I made sure she missed you when you left
That was all me. You can tell me-
-Okay, we fucking met at the cycling group okay?
What?
I met her at the cycling group
We meet every Sunday
We go cycling around the city
I met her there
-Okay -Yeah
So, you're gonna go cycling now?
No, we don't have to fucking cycle every time we meet
That's not the only agenda
I'm taking her out for dinner
Oh, where are you taking her out for dinner?
Up your ass if you don't go blow some bubbles like
I’m fucking paying you to do, okay?
Okay
Okay, kids
Keep blowing bubbles
I'm taking photos
And I'll send it to your parents, okay?
Madam
I have something special for you
Why are you giving me your phone-
You stole Nikhil's phone?
If I had stolen it, why would I give it to you?
I would've sold it
What's the password?
Madam will you do something on your own?
How do I-
Madam?
Found anything interesting?
Yes, he's going out for dinner
So you’ll also go there?
Yes. I will have to
With whom?
I'll go alone
Alone?
You don't have any friends in the city?
No, friends-
No, I don't have a problem in going alone
Pankaj sir?
Take Pankaj sir with you
Pankaj is going out for dinner-
What's the problem in going alone?
No. It's not a problem
But eating alone feels like
you have died
And no one is there to carry your body to the cremation ground
Madam
What’s the scene with Nikhil sir?
Was he your neighbour?
Did he leave his cat with you and run away?
Take this and leave
-Give the phone back to him -My contacts?
I'll give them to you at the T stall. Leave before Pankaj comes
Pankaj is coming here, leave!
Okay
Sir tea
Don’t want, go
Thank you, sir
I don't like that guy
He's sweet
No
He's got this fucking weaselly smile about him all the time
Can't trust a face like that
So, Pankaj…
I got invited for this wine tasting thing in the evening
Do you want to come with me?
No
I already told you I'm meeting someone tonight
No, that's fine. Just bring her along
We'll go together
Have you never been on a date before?
Do you not know how this shit works?
What are you, a dumbass?
I'm going for a smoke
Are you here for Pankaj
Yes
Is he here?
Thank you so much for coming
Thank you so much for coming at such short notice
I didn’t know…
Let’s just talk before he comes back
Come
What are you... you’re talking about Pankaj?
Don't say that name loudly, madam!
Please don't say that
It's all wrong, madam
It's all wrong
-Wait… are you okay? -No, madam. I am not okay
I was told that I was going to work at a children's library but
this is a dirty place!
Madam, I don't know
This Pankaj, every Sunday he goes to some club
and then he brings some woman and then
- madam, he tells me to take video, madam - What!
Yeah, of this shoulder place
This gap, I don't understand, madam
He says it's mini boob
I don't know what is boob, madam
I’m sorry I’m sorry
I am just here to pick him up for a date so-
Wife of death
Madam, please don't tell him anything
-Please don't tell him -No, I won't
I won't tell him anything
But listen, you need help
Tell me, I can get you help
I don't want anything. Just go from here
-Just go, madam -Okay, listen, listen
I won't tell anyone anything
You're absolutely safe
You do me one favour
Just... don't tell him that I was here either
No, I won't. Madam, just go
- Before anything wrong happens, leave! - What? What are you saying?
We can't do anything. Please
Go! Are you gone? Go from here
Dumbass...
Okay Pankaj, I'll leave, okay?
But when's your date coming?
Can I meet her, by the way? I really wanna meet her
Yeah, I don't think she's coming
Why?
What happened?
She's not picking up her calls
What? Give me her number
- I will call her. - No, no
No, give me her number
I'm gonna call her right now
Just give me her number - Leave it
Leave it! Just go
I'll lock up
But what will you do tonight?
I'll go home
No, Pankaj, listen, just come with me for the wine tasting thing
No!
Just come with me
We haven't hung out anyway
And I... I hate to see you like this
Eh che
I don't want your fucking pity party
I invited you way before that girl ditched you
Hey, she didn't ditch-
It wasn't pity party when you first invited me but it is now
How?
Because man if you knew when my birthday was and planned a
party in advance that's a fucking party party
But if you plan a party after you forgot my birthday to compensate
that's a fucking pity party
And I am not a pity party person
Okay, I am going to go
So either you come with me or sit and whine
Sir, Merlot 1989?
I don't mind
Sir, just to let you know, these are free samples
Free sampler for this wine is not available
Then why did you ask me?
Sir... I'll be back with your order
Dumbass…
I thought you didn't have money to pay your deposit
How can you afford this place?
Oh...
I thought we made some extra cash with the soap bubble activity, so…
What?
No
You are throwing me this pity party
I am not paying for this
This is not a company sponsored pity party activity
You're paying for this
Oh ‘company sponsored’
-Oh -Yeah
Okay, I am sorry
I forgot I was having dinner with my boss
I thought I was having dinner with my friend
I am sorry, I shouldn't be assuming things
nope, nope, nope-
- No, no, it's okay
I mean I thought you were low. I could take you out
but you took me for granted, right?
Just like in 6th Standard
when Rohit, Bhavna, all these guys made fun of you
called you Pudding-Boy, Ass-Fritters,
Chutiya Chutney
What the fuck is Chutiya Chutney?
What the fu... Is that what chu-chu stood for?
How does it matter?
Fucking asshole!
How does it matter?
You took me for granted then, you still take me for granted
That's fine
I AM NOT TAKING… I am not taking you for granted
And listen, first of all, in 6th standard
I don't even know how that whole fucking thing started
Because when I joined school everybody was really nice to me, alright
I don't know when the fuck they flipped suddenly
Suddenly they started coming up with these creative fucking insults
with this pudding boy and fucking Chutiya-Chu-
I wish you'd told me that what's chu-chu stood for
Because you said you had my fucking back
Yeah
And you did
You did have my back
And I won't take that away from you
And I appreciate the fact that you fucking stood up for me
But I don't want you using that as a fucking excuse to cross the line
- Yeah - and take advantage of me
Because people have been doing that
And then people ask me, fucking you have a fucking temper issue
- Yeah - Because they fu... you know
- And then, it's not like I've never been there for you either, alright?
Because when your father passed away
when your father passed away in the 8th or 9th standard, alright...
That was a mad trip
Are you fucking listening?
Of course!
Yeah! They called you Pudding-Boy,
Ass-Fritters, Chutiya... Chutiya-Chutney
Fuck you
Fuck you man
It's funny, Pankaj
I'm going to go get a smoke because fuck you
Pankaj, it's an alliteration
Chutiya-Chutney
Pankaj
Stop fucking saying that
-I need a table for two…
Pankaj!
Oh, hi
Lee!
Sorry, I'm just going to…
- Hi - Hey. Hi.
- How are you?
Are you here by yourself?
Lot to drink no?
Oh no, no. I'm here with a friend
I am not here alone
Really?
Yeah
Then, where's this friend?
Actually, he just stepped outside
I was going to go get him anyway because
You know it's not like, you know I don't drink alone-
Lee
Lee, you’re stepping on glass
Just... Lee... Lee
Just...come this side
You are stepping on glass
I’ll see you in a bit…
-I’ll see you in a bit… -Lee
Oh Pushpa!
I just met Pankaj outside
Dude, I just saw Swati over here
We need to go
- Please, please, please - Why? Why?
-We really need to go -Why
Oh shit!
He's here
Don't tell him I was here
Hey did you see a girl run past here?
No man
Thanks
Who the fuck?
What did that guy try to touch you or something?
No, no, no
It's just...it's a little complicated.
He's...he's a little like
He's following you?
Yeah
In fact… In fact…
He is he’s stalking me