I'll just have lunch and come, okay?
Excuse me, excuse me
Okay
Excuse me
Excuse me, excuse me
Sir, one second
Why don't you get some food and I'll be right back
Okay, okay
- Hey! - Hi!
Do you mind?
No, but you were all the way in the front
Why did you come back?
Yeah... If I stood there any longer I would have had to have lunch with
the onion trader, who eventually would ask me out to dinner
and that's something that I cannot risk
Okay
Thank you!
Plus you’re way more fun
Excuse me!
Oh for God's sake, someone!
What do you want?
I'm trying to get one of these guys to get me a salad
You want a salad?
Oh no, no, no
No, no, no
You don't get to judge me because nobody in their right mind can have this
oily butter chicken and then listen to a talk for 2 hours on seed germination
Okay, that' s true
Waiter!
What the...
Yes, madam?
Do you have salad?
No, madam salad is unavailable
- You have onions? - Yes
- Tomatoes? - Yes
- Beans? - Yes
- Carrots? - Yes
Then make a salad
How's that possible, madam?
Listen, He's from abroad
We'll lose our reputation if we say no to him
Madam, we can’t make a salad
You have the vegetables, just cut and give it please
Fine
Come outside the kitchen. I’ll give you the salad
But please don't tell anyone
I won't tell a soul
Okay
Wow
Wow, Lee
That was genuinely impressive
Well done
Well done. Thank you so much
Thank you!
That was amazing
Then?
Then I ran away from there
Then?
Then I went and hid behind a bush
You could’ve at least said that you were run over by a car
Or Nikhil was run over by a car
Come Srishti, Let's go and talk to Rehna
Her mother turned out to be her stepmom
Do you have a step father?
My mother didn't remarry
I shouldn't talk to Nikhil, right?
At least till he forgets this restaurant episode
Really don't give a fuck…
What happened, Amma?
Why? What happened?
You’re calling me this late? what happened?
No reason…
Okay
What happened is...
Guruji is coming to Bangalore tomorrow
Why don't you go and see him?
How can I do that, ma? I have office tomorrow
That maid's job?
Ma, even if it is a maid's job, I have to go tomorrow okay?
I can't take an off
Fine
Then I will come to Bangalore then
Why ma?
Just meet him some other time
He is going to Singapore for 3 months after that
Since I live all alone in this world, I'll only go...
Amma, please. Okay, stop the drama
It's a true saying…
Meaning?
Even if the mother and child are the same, the mouths and stomachs are different
So, you decide Pushpavalli,
If you and I should have the same stomachs and mouths
Okay, ma I'll just go see him. Okay? Happy?
Oh I bow to you, my Goddess!
You're doing me a big favour!
You should be very lucky to meet Guruji
You're not lucky enough
So I'll only go...
Ok ma!
I'll go see him, okay?
Anyway, I also want his blessings, okay?
I'll give the address
Wear a traditional dress
Don't wear this pant shirt and all!
You know what my mom just said?
Still don't give a fuck…
Should I teach you that as well?
Do it, man
You don't have a mind of your own?
Okay, next three come in
Come on
Quickly
What are you waiting for?
Solar eclipse?
Come
Okay, come
Hey, stop
What is this?
Are you three?
I told three no?
You're not three, you're free
Wait here quietly
Hey! Stand in the queue
It's a queue... not a garden
And you ladies, please wear a long scarf
You're here to meet Guruji not Aamir Khan, okay!
But I'm wearing a long scarf
- You want to say something? - No
No, you want to say something?
No
You were asked to get bananas?
Yes, well actually my mother...
I got it, I got it
You are lucky that your mother stopped with bananas
First of all it's so hot in Bangalore and my mother...
It's all just a scam
Hello?
Pushpavalli, are you okay?
Yeah, yeah, yeah! I am fine
No because you haven't come in to work and after what happened last night,
I was a little worried
No, actually I had to buy bananas...
Bananas?
The thing is my mom's Guruji is in town so I had to meet him on her behalf
So you're buying bananas as an offering to your Guruji?
Yeah, and I was just about to call you
Right, right. No, don't worry, don't worry
Listen, do you have a smart phone on you that you can compose emails with?
Yeah, do you want me to do some work?
Yeah... just compose this email, alright?
Will you remember it?
Yeah, I'll remember
Ok, yeah in the subject write, Pushpavalli Parasuraman…
Letter of resignation
Pankaj...
Okay?
And in the body you make sure you write
Pankaj isn't a fucking idiot to believe in your Banana Buying Bullshit, alright!
No, Pankaj...
And make sure the fucking bullshit is in all caps
Every fucking time it's some piss spray of an excuse
- Actually...
First you tell me some girls in your PG
are going around flashing fucking construction workers
Now you're telling me you're fucking buying groceries for your fucking Godman
Next you'll tell me you're fucking getting anally probed by an alien
I'm not buying this shit anymore
No, no, no Pankaj, I swear I'm not cooking up a story
Actually the thing is, actually...
Actually Pankaj, I just don't know what to do, you know
I don't know. About this whole stalking problem I don't know what to do
Okay, you might think I'm stupid but
I thought maybe this Guruji might have some solution to it and
And I don't know why he's stalking me, Pankaj
And I... I really don't know what to do
Well, why didn't you... why didn't you call me then?
No, I'm so sorry, Pankaj
I should have called you
I am sorry
Well next time just make sure you call me...
- Oh, hello madam!
No phones allowed
Fucking asshole
And keep moving, come on
Quickly
Move like a train, come on
Wow! Now we aren’t allowed to use our phones also
There's a limit to a scam
Whenever this Guruji comes to town, my mom sends vegetarian food for him
I've brought veg food thrice and it got rejected all the three times
First time because the food had onions in them and second time garlic
And the third time?
Don't get me started on the third time
Guruji called me and asked if the pea pods were peeled using both hands
I asked how else does one peel pea pods
He panicked and told me to take the food away!
Told me to peel the pea pods with only one hand and get them
I just don't get it…
These Gurujis have their own set of rules
Not rules…
What I don't get is that while peeling the pea pods if I encounter a worm,
am I supposed to remove it with the same hand or use the second hand to remove it?
Because the worm is non vegetarian right?
I'm telling you, it's all a major scam
Keep moving forward, brother
Listen, will you hold the lunch box for me?
Why?
I want to go for a smoke and I cannot smoke holding this lunch box
Guruji will smell it and reject it again
But isn't all of this a major scam?
It is a scam, but what if it isn't?
I cannot take the risk
Hold it for me, please
No, I don't want the responsibility
It's not a responsibility, it's all in the name of God
You'll earn good deeds
No please, I can't
Please hold it for me
Anyway, I just want to smoke half a cigarette, I need to quit man
Ill be back in 2 minutes
Hello! Hey, hey, hey!
Hello, boss
Where are you going?
I'll be back in five minute
Oh, then forget your spot, okay?
Why should I forget about my spot?
She is standing on my behalf
Oh madam
What, you wait for everyone then
We'll send all of them home
No, he's coming back in 5 minutes
Eh!
You cannot come and go whenever you want, okay?
This is not a mall
You think Guruji is a mall?
But why are you yelling at me?
Because you are here
That's why I am yelling at you
When he comes back, you yell at him
Cycle complete
What the hell did you do now?
Why are you here?
Why are YOU here?
Are you stalking me, Lee?
No… No!
Just because that happened once, doesn't mean...
- What? - What?
Anyway, where'd you disappear last night?
I came out looking for you
I don't wanna talk about it
Yeah, you probably shouldn't
You must be feeling bad after that broken glass hit that guy in the eye
What?
I'm kidding
Thank God!
Although a guy did step on it
I felt like such an idiot
And you know what, you should
You know what this means right?
What?
That plastic bottles are safer than glass bottles
So what are you really doing here?
No, actually this is my mom's Guruji
So, I came to meet him on her behalf
Yeah, mine too
She's waiting in the car and I'm holding her spot in line
Okay
Oh
One second
Sorry I am gonna have to take this
Yeah
Hello?
EH!
No phone allowed
What is this?
You think this is a phone booth?
You think Guruji is a phone booth?
You take your 1 rupee and you'll put inside Guruji?
That is why you are here?
Where you'll put one rupee?
No, tell me, where you'll put?
Where?
Disgusting people...
Speak softly
It's a library over here
Eject
You all are studying
Study is very thing
Hey kiddo, what are you making?
A bird?
Will it fly?
Hey T- Boi!
What are you doing here?
- Sir, tea - No!
You want Pushpavalli ma'am?
No, no, sir
Is she here though?
What you want, just tell
Sir, I want to tell...
Pushpavalli madam’s phone is not reachable and
I needed to talk to her urgently
Why?
Personal it is, sir
Is it about some... some man?
Huh?
About a man?
You know about him as well?
Hmm
What you know?
What YOU know?
Hey, tell man!
Man has gone to meet Guruji, sir
Man's meeting the Guruji?
Huh?
Fuck, he's following her
Huh?
He's behind her... running, walking
Yes, sir
Yeah
Sir, tea, sir?
No
- Thank you, sir - Shut up
Excuse me, excuse me, excuse me!
Oh well done auntie, you've come prepared with a hand fan
Hey, you aren't allowed to cut the line
How did you come here?
No, no
He came behind from the front
He's my friend so he wanted to stand with me
Why do you have friends here?
Fine... move a little man
Listen, it's almost your turn
You want to call your mom?
Oh, I just did
She's on her way
Okay
It's very sweet what you are doing for your mom
No, not really
Honestly I don't believe in all of this stuff
Exactly, all of this is a scam
Oh hello!
Who's the lunch box guy?
I don't know. I became friends with him here
Why are you making friends here?
No, I mean I am not making friends here
- Just he was standing- - Amma
Amma, Pushpavalli
Pushpavalli, my mom
Hi aunty
So nice to finally meet you
Nikhil has spoken so much about you
You've come with your parents?
Oh no aunty, my mom is in Bhopal and I lost my dad when I was pretty young
Mister, come
Go quickly
- Madam, please go in - I'm coming back
- Wait for me - Hello!
Yeah
Yeah, alright
Hey!
The Food got rejected again
This time he said that I haven't had a bath
Then you should have told him you had a bath
Actually I haven't had a bath, but how did he know that?
Anyway forget it, it's all a scam
Sir, why don't you install a cctv camera?
My cousin supplies them
Then no one will steal contacts from your computer
She's freakin’ switched it off
I'm gonna have to go fucking find her now
Great…
Huh?
Which Guruji is she meeting?
Huh?
Which Guruji is... she meeting?
Sir, check newspaper no
Won't be in the newspaper
He's no prime minister…
Won't be on the internet
He's no Enrique Iglesias
You reading, sir
So I’ll leave now
Thank you, sir
Why is it taking so much time?
Hey, who is that?
Who is that?
Have you heard of this concept called as gift to the guru?
How much gift you give that much time you get
If you give a lot of gift Guruji will give you a lot of time
If you give a small gift then he will give you only little time
And why are you asking?
Why are you asking?
What? No?
What you think, Guruji is a free scratch card?
You can come scratch and take as much time you want?
Where will you scratch Guruji?
But I didn't ask
Where will you scratch Guruji?
Tell me
Nonsense
Sir!
Here! Here!
Here, sir! Here, sir!
No! No!
Which are is this area, sir?
This looks like a wildlife vegetation forest
I said HSR layout, sir
Go straight
You are unnecessarily coming through Ulsoor
Go straight
Go to HSR layout
Guruji function
Look for the flowers
Yes, flower will be hanging outside
Flower in Kannada is ‘hoo’
Hoo is hanging outside
See that and go now
Hi!
I'll see you later then
I'll catch up
No, no. Don't be silly
We'll wait for you
Oh okay
Sure
Thanks
Oh scratch mother, wait…
Greetings Guruji
Guruji! She is little a talkative
No Guruji
I didn't say...
Did anyone talk to you?
Talk only when spoken to!
Guruji, just handle carefully
How is your mother?
Amma is fine, she is fine
Go
No, Guruji! I just came-
Go back to Bhopal
Go
Guruji, I've got a job here now
So I am here only
What you came to find, you'll never get
Go
Guruji, you don't know what I want
Go
Bye! I'll come again Guruji
Don't come
Only go
Oh, hi!
Hi!
All good?
Yeah, yeah! It was okay
So amma's gonna head home and I'm damn hungry
You wanna get something to eat?
Yeah
Actually, yeah, why not
Super
Amma...
I can't believe this shit, alright
Pankaj, listen to me
No, no, you don't get to fucking act cool about this
Fucking moving cities, getting a job on the same street
Who does that shit?
You think he's stalking other women?
I don't know
He doesn't seem like the kind though
Fucking... why would he stalk you?
What do you mean you?
You as in anybody
Handsome piece of shit probably has women stalking him all the time
Yeah, but why did you look at me when you said you?
Who the fuck else am I supposed to look at?
There's nobody else here, right?
Yeah, but why did you take that tone when you said you?
As if it's unbelievable that someone is stalking me,
because newsflash Pankaj, someone is stalking me
Yeah, but it seems a little fucking far-fetched, don't you think?
Yeah, fucking bringing his own mother
to the fucking Guruji's place, to fucking stalk you
Fucking she looks like she wanted to be there
Unless that wasn't his mother in the first place
But fucking they look like each other
So, what are you saying?
I am not saying, I am just asking
No, no, you are saying something
Say it
I am not saying, I am asking you
Pankaj, are you serious?
I take liberties at work, I take liberties at our friendship
You call me a liar then that's fine
But to call me a liar in this situation?
I'm not calling you a liar, alright?
How dare you, Pankaj
Don't fucking take that tone with me
You don't fucking take that tone with me
You think I'm stalking him?
You think I'm stalking his mother?
Oh, what you think I'm stalking his Guruji also?
Maybe not the Guruji bit