No, but Drum I wrote first
Okay, so what do you have with ‘O’?
No, that O is not even this
What’s the name? What’s the name that you’ve written?
‘Dukie.’ Yours?
Dukie is not even a real name
Of course it’s a real name. It’s the name of my dog
Please. Stupid dog names are not allowed
Whoa. Watch your mouth
He’s not stupid. He’s my dog and he is a part of my family. Alright?
Okay, okay
But can we just stick to human names? Next time, please
Fine
Ya
Ya start again! Start!
A…
Stop
O
No, how did you reach ‘O’? I did...
Shit…
- Done - Done
Name?
Omkar
Oindrilla
Place?
Nikhil
Someone has told wrong things to you
Actually Oindrilla is not a name
It's a sound
-Of course it’s a name. -No, it’s a sound. See.
Oindrilla
-Oin Oin Oin Oindrilla -Lee… Lee…
-Lee… -No really. Pay attention
Oindrilla…
It’s a name
I used to know someone with that name
in fact…
she’s one of my exes
What about you?
I wrote Omkar
No I mean
Are you dating someone, have you dated someone? What’s the scene?
Oh oh no, I… I’ve never dated anybody
Really?
But you’re so much fun
Surprising
Sorry. It’s my...
Yeah. So what did you write for...
Lee, why don’t you just take that call? This is the 5th time she has called
No it’s okay, I will call her later It’s just. It’s okay
Really
I get it Moms right?
No it’s just that it’s…
It’s just my mom and me so…
If I go home late
or if I am out for a long time
she tends to worry, so…
And where's dad?
We lost my dad when I was really young
So…
Oh shoot. I'm so sorry, Lee. I… I really had no idea.
That’s cool. It was long time back. It’s cool
It’s fine
I'm divorced so...
You are?
No, I am not
I was kidding
Okay
But I may have some kids running around the place that I don't know about
You have kids?
No, Lee. Of course I don’t have kids
Are you stupid or something? I was trying to lighten the mood
Okay
Although, I was engaged at one point and
that didn't really work out
You almost got me there! Thank God!
Oh… You weren't joking
No
What did you write for place?
What do you have?
Orange County
That’s the name of a show
No but it’s the name of a show of a place, so it’s a place
That doesn’t make any sense
You’re being very strict
Lee… You’re really strange
So, did you have a place or not?
Fucking idiot!
What does he think of himself?
I just want to break his face!
I mean what an asshole, right? What does he think of himself?
I wasn’t ashamed to admit in front of the audience
Guys. Guys. Guys. Yesterday I met Nikhil at Guruji’s queue
And I didn’t even plan this
It happened on its own
That’s a huge sign, right? I’ll just come back
That comedian…
in the name of audience interaction, asked us how long we’ve been dating for
This fucking Adhiraj just says, not dating!
Not, not dating?
What the fuck have I been doing for 8 months?
He introduced me to his mom
I mean not everybody does that, right?
I am obviously something more than just a friend
So amazing!
I mean I get that he wants to take things slow
Okay? You want to take things slow, okay
But to say that nothing has been happening between us for 8 months?
What the fuck!
What the fuck! Exactly!
Pankaj turned up! He said come to the library
Explain yourself. What’s he doing there? What’s she doing there? What’s happening?
Oh my fucking God!
Can you shut up for like 2 seconds?
Can you try? I mean I don’t think it is possible
But can you try at least?
I mean how fucking deluded are you?
You really think this fucking Nikhil is in love with you?
How do you know about Nikhil?
She’s asking me how I know about Nikhil
Every fucking body knows about Nikhil
because all you keep talking about is…
Why Nikhil not call me?
Why Nikhil not meet me?
Why Nikhil not fuck me? Fuck me, Nikhil. Fuck Me
Cum on my chest? Please, fuck me in your Black Scorpio
My uncle died
My dad’s ancestral home got repossessed by the bank
My fucking boyfriend broke up with me in the middle of a standup comedy show
But no!
No!
The biggest problem in the fucking world is Nikhil!
Pearl…
Listen
Where can I get tickets for this standup show?
Fuck you!
Guys!
I also want to go for this standup show with Nikhil
That way I’ll find out what's going in Nikhil's mind
Because the comedian will ask us if we are dating or not?
He will ask only if you sit in the front row
He will ask only if you bring us a video
We will arrange the tickets
But will you be able to do the drama?
I can… try
Let’s go and tell Vasu that the baby is hers
Which baby?
Any baby
Guys
Guys. My tickets?
Whip the curd. Whip it. Whip it. Nicely
Yeah
Whip it
Add one spoon now
One spoon, yes
Nice, very nice
Oh very good
Add some pomegranates here also, here also
Put one mint leaf here
Very good
So good. Guys, so good and that’s how you make a…
Parfait, okay?
Everybody is going to make this for their parents tonight
Okay? Very good. Well done, guys. So good
So good
Right?
Pushpavalli is doing a great job
Because, Pushpavalli is making us money
Because Pushpavalli is making an effort to make sure she’s good
Remember to charge that kid extra, right?
Little shit has been eating up the kiwis even before the workshop started
Pankaj, it’s his birthday
No, it’s not
Freaking says that every month
Don’t be so freaking gullible. They are going to take advantage of you, all right?
You let them lie about their freaking birthday to get some free kiwi now,
they will grow up and lie about their grandmothers dying
just so that they can get off work
Also your mom called on the landline
What? What did she say?
Some shit about a parcel
What parcel?
I don't know! I am not your fucking notepad. Call your mom back
I… am just going to call my mom
Hey, why don’t you try some grapes for a change? Huh?
What’s up, Lee?
Oh thanks for ditching me yesterday by the way
Listen, I am so sorry about that
The thing is that my boss thought that I was skipping work
then he came to check… he is a little crazy. I am so sorry
Well, thank God I had my mom for company
Yes, but she’s not as much fun as me
Yeah, but she is dependable
Listen, I am really sorry about that. I really didn’t mean to...
I’m kidding Lee! I’m kidding
Okay, no, I was thinking I will make it up to you
And… umm
So… there’s this uh…
Uh…
show in the evening
More like a…
like a stand up show actually
Wow, Lee, maybe you should speak a little slower
I am completely losing you
Oh…
okay, that was a joke
No, I just wanted to check
Will you come with me for a stand up show, tonight?
Tonight? Umm…
Lee, tonight’s not too good
I’ve… I’ve got something going on
Oh!
okay, no that’s fine
I anyway asked you last minute
So, it’s just…
it’s just…
It’s just
It’s just that it is my birthday
So I thought that I will just…
Wait. What? It’s your birthday today?
Happy birthday, Lee
Why didn’t you tell me this?
Thank you. Thank you so much
But you know what? I don’t want to be a burden
I will go by myself, I will go alone
- It’s okay… - No no no
No no listen to me
You’re not spending your birthday on your own
I am coming with you. Just tell me when and where it is
It’s in Koramangala so…
Pushpavalli
Some guy wants to see you Come…
Listen, I will message you the details.
My boss is here. Okay? I will call you back
Who the hell is this guy?
I don’t know
Get back here now
Give me, two minutes. Now!
Two minutes
Okay, kids
Great Keep doing… Keep doing…
Naveen, no eating kiwis
Yeah?
Hi!
How can I help you?
Sangamesh...
Sangameshwaran from New Orleans, H&H technology
Actually our profiles had matched on Braahmins Matrimony
So your mom only sent me
But my mom…
Here only you work, she only gave the address
This place is called creche
No, it’s a children’s library
My mom didn’t tell me that you’re coming
Surprise!
Surprise…
Okay
Today morning at 4 o’clock my flight landed
so I thought before jet lag comes to me
I will come to you and say hello
Hello!
Okay, can you just give me two minutes Sanga…
Sanghmeshwaran… H&H technology, New Orleans
Okay
Can you give me two minutes? I will just talk to my mom and come
Mother in Law? You’re talking to mother in law?
Tell her that for the engagement, if you take two weeks leave, it is enough
And Salem is a better place than Bhopal
Okay, our marriage will be fantastic. We’ll have fun. We’ll rock it. Okay!
For engagement?
Marriage!
Marriage…
We will get discount for both bookings at the same time
Just two minutes. Yeah?
Okay you take…
Did you get?
How’s the parcel?
Amma, what is wrong with you?
How dare you send him to my office!
What dare?
I wanted to surprise you
With what?
This Sangameshwaran!
He looks like a joker
And he’s discussing some engagement plans with me
What?
Yeah. Engagement in 2 weeks in Salem
But we had agreed for Bhopal
Amma! Are you kidding?
Huh? You haven’t even asked me if I like this boy or not
Just because I agreed to talk to boys. You’re dancing so much!
Pushpavalli! He resides in America
Good job. Good salary
And he’s not chubby like you
Enough, Amma stop saying that
I am sending this cartoon of yours back
Pushpavalli! Listen to me
No, Amma
If you don't have anything good to say to me then don’t talk to me.
Kids
Step away from the man
Don’t talk to it
Don’t touch it
Just get out
Out
Sanghmeshwaran!
Sorry
too much jetlag happened, too much travelling
From New Orleans to Chicago
From Chicago to Dubai.
From Dubai to Bombay. From Bombay to Bangalore.
It’s too much.
Okay
Okay Sanga I need to go
The kids are waiting. My boss is really angry
You work with the kids, right?
At my house also there’s one rascal. My nephew. Devil kid.
I raised him since childhood. I am very good with the children.
Okay
Let me call you sometimes this week
- Okay - Tonight we will go on a date
Candle light dinner, romantic date
No… no…
Rooftop, like…
Tonight… I can’t come tonight. I have a show. So…
What show?
- It's a comedy show. - Where?
It's in Koramangala.
It’s mimicry type show?
No, it’s stand up…
Sanghmeshwaran…
Kids are waiting outside
My boss is really angry
So, I need to go
You also go
We will see
Huh?
Just a minute
This gift is for you
Internationally it is called chocolate
County!
It’s outside layer is made of chocolate
And inside it is like the filling of sweet momo. Very sweet and tasty!
Thank you
And it is coconut flavour
- Thank You - Okay
You will like it
I will love it. I will love it. Okay?
You go. Because, I need to go as well
Yeah Okay
I heard Pearl is going to patch up with her boyfriend
Let’s go and tell Pearl that the world is not her oyster
In the meantime, Pushpavalli will sit in the first row.
And we will get our video too
- Testing testing… mic testing… 1 2 3… - These two seats?
Check 1 2 3
- You ladies please. - Mic testing check 1 2 3…
Oh there… 2 seats are there
Yeah, okay
- Welcome ladies and gentlemen we have a great show lined up for you tonight
- Please switch off your cellphones
- And remember don’t drink and drive
This should be a fun show
Oh, hey Srishti!
Hi I was just thinking about you
And you know…
Us… Tara
Is Tara there?
Yeah she's right here
Hey V!
Oh hey…
Hey so is it happening?
The threesome, is it?
Is it happening? It’s a great night for a threesome
- Vanny listen - Yeah!
Our friend is sitting in the 4th row
Yeah, call her also
Talk to her and the guy she's with
Find out what he thinks about her
Guys, I am not doing that
I told you
I thought this was a booty call, guys
I'm not even hosting tonight!
Makes no sense
So? Just talk to her V, come on!
Guys, you don’t understand. I can't do crowd interaction in the middle of a written set!
I’ve planned this out. Okay.
It’s…
It’s crazy. So I’ve found these new jokes
It's like a metaphor to stages in relationships
To state it as a relationship, its great
It’s like
Srishti, pass my bra please
It’s got good…
Which one? Black or red?
Oh, black is great! Black is good…
Do black, I love black…
Umm…
So, is this happening? Are we doing threesome?
Maybe...
Don’t do this maybe
Last time also you had promised
You said, “Oh my panty is loose”
Okay. And I was so hard
I went
I went home and I was full hard, okay? My show also didn’t go well
I need this guys Please promise threesome
Srishti, what are you doing?
Don’t hook the bra from the front. Hook it from behind.
FUCK! I’ll do it!
I’ll do it, I’ll do it, I’ll do it Okay!
What’s it? Blue balls, blue girl… with a guy, couple. 4th row.
Done. Threesome goodness. Yeah.
- Done confirmed. Right? - Srishti!
What are you doing?
What’s she doing? What's she doing?
Give it up for Vinencio!
Hey, how's everybody doing? Yeah?
Yeah? Good nice.
Energy is nice and tense, yeah?
Ma’am you feel it, do you feel it?
No. No. You don’t feel it?
No. It’s okay. It’s okay.
I am Vinencio. If you can’t pronouncio… it's coolio!
Okay how many… relationship fuckers here, huh?
How many people, couples, couples in the house?
Give me a cheer!
Couples in the audience, huh?
Oh, oh, that’s it. You guys. That’s it?
Wow, sad group, okay
Okay, how many single folks in the audience? Single folks?
Oh, nice. Nice
Did you see that? Did you see the energy difference?
Yeah?
Because that’s all the saved up energy from not getting laid, bro
The couple, you’re the couple, right?
So, how long have you guys been doing this?
6 months
Aww, 6 months
It’s my favourite question to answer
The guy has no idea
Guy has no idea. She is like I keep track, I keep track
That’s cute. That’s nice
You guys are close?
You guys are the close?
Do you fart? Do you fart around each other?
Do you do a little, a little gas leaving?
You do a gas leaving?
You tell your deepest darkest secrets
correct!
So if you can’t let her smell the deepest darkest secrets
Then... what is it? It’s not a real relationship
Right? Correct, right? Okay. Cool.
Yeah, fourth row. Fourth row.
People in the fourth row, give me a cheer
Nice. Nice.
Everyone clapped but whatever
Fourth row guys
Yea ma’am please
I got it. You are the representative?
Are you the representative? No right!
Yeah, okay, cool
Yea, its okay enough enough
You guys, you guys seem like a…
Cute couple. The girl in the blue and the obviously handsome guy
Yeah?
Oh no, we are not together
Come on, why not?
Why are you not dating?
We don’t know
Oh I see what this is
We talk together. We say everything together.
Like
It’s like when I cross the road also, I am like, I don’t want to cross it alone
Because, where’s my boy? Where’s my boy? Where’s my boy?
My hand is empty. My hand is empty.
You’re that cute couple. That’s nice man. That’s cute.
So like… what? 6 months? You look like 6 months
No we're not together
We are not together
- Actually, the thing is they don’t know each other. - Okay ma’am!
Please shut the fuck up!
Please shut the fuck up ma’am!
Did I ask you? Ah! Are you not happy with your fourth row representation?
Ah Society! Ah! Society didn't give you park?
They didn't give you?
Please calm down
Okay! I am talking to the couple. Yeah?
Please, okay! Anyways so…
So see the thing is bro
If you have a hot girl you should date her bro
Like she’s right next to you, you have a good chemistry, you know?
Do it. You guys seem perfect.
Like you guys seem like this is spark going on
It's very obvious. Right guys! They should date, right?
Come on then, they should date. Come on! Come on!
Ask her out. Ask her out. Ah, guys! You're are adorable.
Actually the thing is we came together
Oh, the bitch is back
The bitch is back. Great!
Is there a stick up your ass ma’am?
Is there a stick up your ass?
Because this shit is coming out of your mouth, ma’am
Can you please… lady, there. Please check below
Nothing is below, right? Because it is coming out of her mouth, yeah?
Ma’am, please shut the fuck up. I am trying to talk to them.
Yes?
Oh now you’re quiet? What happened? Gas over?
Dude
It’s her birthday today. So, can you chill?
Yeah, so what the fuck? I don’t give a fuck.
That doesn’t mean she interrupts me, okay?
Don’t act like you are fucking on her side
Would you bang her? No? Right!
You will bang the cute one
Don’t... don’t shake your head
Okay. Don’t think you are better than us
Okay? Fucking we come here and as a comedian
I’ve prepared a set of jokes, okay?
And this bitch just wants to interrupt because it’s her birthday
It doesn’t give her any right
I am supposed to do like a featured spot
Instead I am talking to idiots in the audience
Okay
Fuck it, man. Fuck it
Couples, yes! Umm…
Yes Fart… shits. Yeah shits. So, I love taking shits.
I love it. I love farting. Right?
You guys fart no? You guys, fart?
I am sure you fart so much. You’re so comfortable.
Right? With the smell?
Right? You guys are comfortable with the smell, right?
This is relatable, guys. Come on. Yeah? You shit?
Come on
Right?
Guys, come on. Where’s the energy? Come on. Yeah?
It’s like
Threesomes man
I was fucking supposed to get a threesome
umm…
Vinencio’s show is done
But Pushpavalli’s video hasn’t come
Bloody traitor
Shall we make her video?
We don’t take such mainstream revenge
Let’s make our video and blame it on her
Nice
Lee
- Don’t let that guy bother you - Yeah, yeah!
Pushpavalli!
What are you doing in this dirty show with this dirty man, Pushpavalli?
Excuse me?
Sangamesh? What are you doing here?
Pushpavalli, you’re my fancy no Pushpavalli
What’s fancy?
No, he means fiancé
That’s your fiancé?
Oh, no. No… that’s not my fiancé.
Sir, she’s lying, sir!
What is he talking about?
Sir I know US English also sir.
My mother already gave advance booking for the sweet making man
50,000 rupees paid in advance sir, he won’t return also.
If the marriage gets cancelled, who will eat all the sweet?
Sangamesh. Sangamesh. Please, be quiet.
Why should I be quiet?
No, listen, you’re lying. Don’t do this. It is wrong.
What you are doing is wrong. Okay? I will tell your mother.
No, no, no…
No, I will tell your mother. I will tell my mother also to tell your mother
You just wait. This is wrong, This is very wrong, Pushpavalli.
Can you just stand here? Can you stand here for 2 minutes?
Can you just please wait here?
2 minutes?
Yes, please, 2 minutes.
Yeah, can you just come with me please?
That’s your fiancé?
No, that’s not my fiancé
I don’t know who that guy is
He has been following me around
I think he is stalking me
You want me to sort him out?
No, please, don’t. Are you sure?
It’s already been embarrassing. Let’s just leave please.
Sure?
Yes, yes please. Yeah.
Pushpavalli
He’s keeping his hand on your shoulders
Pushu… Pushpavalli. Pushpavalli. Push…