Hi!
Arhaan! Wake up its time to go.
Lee! I've been trying to call you. Why aren't you taking my calls?
Do you have any books to return?
Yeah.
Lee...
Lee! Okay will you just give me a minute to explain myself?
Okay, look about the things I said outside the police station...
Arhaan! One book is missing.
What book is it?
It’s called “Knobby the one-legged dragon”
Maybe he's left it in my car... umm...what does it look like?
It's a paperback book.
Paperback..?
Arhaan!! Go find it, otherwise you'll be fined.
What’s a paper… can I just…
It’s a paper “back” book!
I thought you said paper “bag” book”
I mean...
Come on Lee! It was funny...
Lee!
Ah...shit on my ass!
- Hey man! - Heiiloooo!...
Go deal with him.
You go deal with him.
You go deal with him!
Pankaj! I can't deal with him right now.
Did you guys fuck?
What? No. Pankaj! I don't wanna talk to him right now.
I don't wanna talk to him either.
He's a fricking ungrateful piece of shit and
I never should have helped him out. You were right.
Yeah
Hey listen!
I’m really sorry alright.
And I really appreciate you going out of your way to help me.
Who's he talking to?
Me, I think.
I know I shouldn't have said those things.
I crossed a line there.
He crossed a line with me.
No, no, no he crossed a line with me for sure.
And if there's ever anything that I can do to help you
with your electricity connection thing, please let me know.
Fuck, yeah! He's mine bitch.
Ah well you know… it’s okay.
Anyways, I guess I'll see you around.
I won't be coming in from tomorrow.
Oh, how come?
Swati's coming back.
Oh! She is?!
Yeah, didn't she tell you?
Ah! No! Yeah! She told me.
But, you know. She was like, Tuesday
and I was like all this Chinese calendar and cross over time zones and shit.
So, yeah! She told me.
Anyway! See you.
Cool! See you man.
Arhaan! Come on let's go.
Oh! Pankaj! One more time.
I really really appreciate you going out of your way to help me like that.
Oh! Well! I appreciate the appreciation
Thanks man!
Thank you...
Yeah! Don't beg dude, don't beg dude Fuckin.. despo..
Chi!
Hey hello! Mr. Rao!
I knew that would get to you.
He went out of his way to help you? huh? He didn’t ditch his fiancé for you, I did.
I know..
He didn’t trick the municipal guy for you, I did.
- I know Lee. - He didn’t get slapped for you, I did.
Wait. What? You got slapped.
- Where? - On my ass.
Where do you think? On my face.
No, I mean. Where did this happen, at the municipal corporation?
No, at the police station.
Why wouldn't you tell me?
Why? So that you can thank the police station guys.
'Coz that's the pattern of my life. I do all the work..
Lee! Why would you keep something like this from me, huh?
I would have called someone. I could have done something.
I don't understand what goes on in that stupid head of yours
Why are you yelling at me?
Why do you think I'm yelling at you?
Because you got slapped and told me about this after an entire day later,
that's why.
Come here, show me.
Does it hurt?
This cheek.
Thank God it's not bruised.
You've been icing it?...hmm?
Silly girl made me say all those things to you.
I don’t understand you.
Excuse me? I made you say all of those things?
No, that's not what I meant. Lee!
I am so sorry.
Before I make you say something else, I'll leave you alone.
Lee, that's not what I... Pushpavalli!!...Lee!!
Where has this kid gone? Arhaan!
[Phone ringing]
Fuck!! Shh!
Hmm...yeah..Mom, tell me
Hello! Pushpavalli! You have 2 minutes?
Yeah mom, tell me. What happened?
Mom?
Over, your marriage is over.
I thought you'll meet your in-laws and make them like you.
But you're a big queen.
You won't call them, you won't meet them.
You haven't even met Vidyuth yet!
Why, Vidyuth called and told you?
Who cares who called me Pushpavalli.
- You didn't call anybody. - Fuck!!
Ah! Mom, I was really busy at the library today
Oh! That crèche is it?
So much of work, you have to clean all the 10th day funeral utensils..
have to clean those children's potty and pee
Yuck! Mom!
What yuck?
Meaning?
Don’t tie a knot between your knee and a bald head
Dhara! Dishti!…Oh! door is open!
Quietly go meet them or else come right back to Bhopal
Oh wow it's stinky
Mom... shhh!
Ei!
Who said shut up to Vasu, Who was it??
Hey!… “Shhh” “shut up” to me?
Ei… “Sshh” “Shut up”? How dare?
Come out, come out.. I say…
Where are you? Come out!
Come out! Ei Ei!
Ei!! Come out!
[Vasu] saying ssshh shut up!
Vasu!
Yes!
What do you think? 10 or 15?
Must be 20 for sure.
Ei! 20, 10, 15
What you girls are playing Housie Housie, what are you doing?
We are talking about years in jail for murder.
Murder ahh...Whose murder?
You tell us Vasu.
Hey owlets! If you want to play Housie means first,
you give tickets we’ll play a Quick 5
otherwise... shut up!
Because, I need to find out who in this room asked Vasu to shut up...
What happened Father-In-Law?
Getting a heart attack father-in-law?
You want water father-in-law?
But first I'll have father-in-law
I am so thirsty father-in-law!
Summer season no father-in-law
You've not put AC also no father-in-law
Because you are miserly bitch father-in-law
You're so stingy no father-in-law.
I'll have one sip father-in-law.
Then I'll call ambulance father-in-law.
You can't breathe father-in-law.
You've died off father-in-law
Eiii…Relax!!! Be cool little bit!
Why are you so AGRO all the time?
Vasu is here for you only? What do you want? Tell.
Privacy!
Privacy?
That's all ah? Of course! Why not?
Who better than Vasu to understand the needs of your privacy at this age.
Please enjoy your youths.
Has everyone brought their harmonicas I gave you all yesterday?
Yes!
Good! Remember, if you break it, you get fined.
If you lose it, you get fined.
If you get food stuck inside it after you've eaten, you get...
"Fined"
"Fined" that's right. Alright!
Now we're gonna learn to hold our harmonicas the right way, okay.
I want you all to hold it in between your index finger and your thumb.
- And the thumb - Sorry Pankaj uncle,
mom couldn't find parking.
Your mom’s here?
Just go sit down
Hello Swati….
You're not here yet.
Okay! Alright, whatever
Ah! The index finger and the thumb. Alright! Now, make sure
- Booo! - Oh! Haiii!
Hi!
- Did you miss me? - Ummm...
Well! You better have.
Because I spent the ONLY day I had off looking for the perfect gift for you.
Oh! Oh! C'mon! It's got pigs on it?
Yeah ! Because it’s the year of the “Earth Pig” there.
Ah! That's really nice. I was wondering if...
Wait! There’s more, check it out… assorted custard buns.
Pineapple! Oh shit!
Yes, do you like it?
Yeah!
I am so glad.
God! You're an angel...
I still need to talk...
Listen! Is your harmonica class now?
Ah! Yeah!
Ah! May I please stay and listen? I wanna hear you play, please.
I'll be so quiet.
- Umm! - Please?
- Umm! Alright! - Pretty Please?
Okay okay ! Guess if we're gonna hang around then,
we can talk later...so then..
Thank you! Play well.
Yeah! Fuckin asshole…c’mon man… keep it together
Alright! You're going to be there, alright! Cool!
Ah! ah! Where was I saying, what was I?
4...No.4?
Did I say something about No.4? Num...
Fuck me c’mon…
On the count of 3 just blow into the middle of the harmonica...
1, 2, 3 and…
[blowing the harmonica]
Billie Jean King. Who's won more, Venus or Serena Williams?
Serena! Easy.
Okay, first Australian player to have won two US Opens in a row?
"Patrick Rafter"
Spoon.
Who did Steffi Graf defeat to win her first Grand Slam?
"Navratilova".
Only player to have won Wimbledon with an invite?
"Ivanisevic", I love him, he's the best. I love him.
Chi! You like all these losers only na, Valli!
I bet you don't like Sampras also, no?
Obviously, Sampras is too perfect.
Great game, great volley, looks also great.
Exactly.
What's the point? Ivanisevic has more heart, he has more personality.
Personality over perfection, always.
You know, when he won Wimbledon for the first time, I got so happy,
I made "coconut burfi" for the entire building.
What the hell!
It's not hot for you?
No, no, Mom made me touch hot things since I was a child.
Really! How long have you been cooking?
Since I was in 2nd standard.
Nice. That means this upma must be very tasty then!
Give me little bit.
Give me your hand.
Vidhu!
Yeah mom! Coming!
Valli one minute I’ll come okay.
What is it mom?
Now, we're gonna learn how to play the "C chord"
by blowing in the holes 4, 5 and 6 alright.
So, go ahead and blow into 4, 5 and 6.
On 1, 2, 3 and…
[blowing the harmonica]
Shhhhh…. Shhh!
No, where are you going? Where are you going, no, no.
Shhhh..No…what are you doing?
Mom told me not to let her sleep. Because she has let jack.
It’s “Jet lag”, alright, it doesn’t matter.
Just, you don't have to wake her up.
Let her sleep, go. Just, let her sleep.
Uncle, can we play now?
Just!…shh..No…just… First…Quiet…
because the most important thing for a harmonica player to do,
is to, make sure that their throats are warmed up, quietly.
Okay, because that's the only way we're gonna learn
how to play all our favourite cartoon songs, right?
You like cartoons, hmm?
What’s the other cartoon, on the television, with the little kid,
that “Fat”… “Fat ladoo” that guy with the hair
"Baloo the bear"
Alright! Alright the Hindi one
"big small", "big small babus"...
[Laughing]
Right, that's, that's, that's the one. You know what I'm talking about.
Now…Shhh!! Don’t… Enough.
Now warm your throats up.
Yeah! Warm your throats real nice. That's right.
You don’t have to make a funny face.
Can we play now?
No!! Just shut up and warm it
Hmm. Take this and cut it.
Be careful, okay?
Listen Anandhi!
Immediately after marriage these people will go to the US.
Then you will be alone right?
So you do one thing, you put one of the CCTVs.
No CCTV and all. I’ll keep a dog.
I cannot take care of any dog.
Of course… As if you take care of everything in the house?
Exactly
Is it? Who brings milk?
Milkman brings it.
Keeping it in the fridge is not buying it.
So bored I am.
What about electricity bill?
Here. Cut apples.
- We pay online. - No, no, you only do.
This one will say something.
Very irritating this aunt is.
Flowers?
- Hey! Guess the tennis player?
-Yeah! Tell me… - Okay come
Who opens the door when the househelp comes?
What are you doing?
I'm writing on your back. You have to guess.
- …stop it.
Listen Pushpavalli what do you do at this children's library?
Where, where is it?
But you have a Food Science degree. Then why are you working in a crèche?
- Is it? - Tell dear!
Why is she feeling nervous, tell us!
Why is blankly staring?
Tell no?
She’s nervous maybe…
- Don't be nervous. - Tell!
- Yeah! Tell no. - We're a family.
We're a family now, tell...
Don't worry.
Tell
What happened?
Oh my God!
Sorry. I'll just wash it and come.
Did any blood fall on that apple? Washington apple no, 250 rupees per kg.
Can we play now?
Shh...shh..
Uncle I want to pee.
Keep wanting.
Uncle, please!
Okay Go.
But, don't flush.
Uncle, can we at least read books?
No.
You guys turn the pages too loud.
- [Coughing] - Shhh...shhh!
[Tap Running]
You wanted a boy from Bangalore.
Hi!
And he's from Bangalore.
Have you and Vidyuth done it?
Somehow that boy also likes that you are chubby.
Very hot.
What?
You shouldn't rush into it.
What are you doing?
I’m your fiancé, not some loafer on the street.
You deserve to be with someone special.
- Valli! - Yeah!
Are you okay?
- Yeah! Am fine. - Show me your hand.
- No, I'm fine. - Show...
- I'm fine. - Show me!
Okay, I'll put one band aid, wait.
No, it's okay. No need for band aid.
What do you mean no need? It will get septic.
What are you saying?
It's not bleeding, so just..
Let me put it no.
Wait, okay!
Poor thing.
Next time, I'll only cut apples, alright?
Okay, that's it.
Yeah...
What happened?
Am I making you uncomfortable?
No, it's fine.
Then what? You’re scared?
No.
Think I'll do something?
No.
Think I'll give you a kiss or something?
What?
Feeling better?
[Cellphone Vibrating]
Uh… Pankaj is calling…
- Pankaj? - Yeah!
Okay! Take.
Can you give me...
Oh! Okay uh…
I’ll wait outside.
Don't worry, it's been only 10 minutes.
Um, where, where are the kids?
I sent them out to play.
I didn't want them to disturb you.
Oh! Okay! Umm...
Good 'coz I wanted to talk to you about something.
- Sure...about what? - Oh no! wait, wait, wait okay.
Don't, just. Let's sort something out first.
Why are you being aggressive with me Pankaj?
Please don't think I've forgotten how you hung up on me when I was in China.
Okay, okay wait.
Don't, don't try and beat me to getting pissed alright.
I get to be pissed right now.
Pissed about what?
About this whole casual thing man Swati.
I feel like, it means different things for the both of us, alright.
Okay, what is casual for you?
Well for me, casual is like the foreplay before the relationship, man.
Which means…
There’s definitely gonna be some sex after that.
Which means, there's gonna be a relationship after the foreplay.
Foreplay being the casual...sex is the relationship!
So, you're not happy with the sex?
No, the sex is great. Both times, both great.
It’s about more than the sex.
This is..look…
I just wanna know if you're being casual with just me
or are you being casual with other people too?
Are you asking me, if I am sleeping with other people?
Noooo!
Are you?
- No! - Okay then.
Why are you calling them from China and getting them to pick up your kid
and keeping your kid's spare shirts in their car and stuff?
Wow! Are you talking about Nikhil?
Ah! No, I'm talking about fucking Santa clause.
Yes, I'm talking about him. Jeez..
Okay, well if this is your idea of a conversation,
I am done.
Oh, fuckin!
Oh! And for the record, the only reason I asked Nikhil to fetch
and drop Arhaan is because unfortunately,
both my mother and Arhaan are more comfortable with him.
I wish it wasn't that way but it is what it is.
I considered taking you up on your offer.
But, I figured that it would put too much pressure on our relationship
and so, I didn't Pankaj.
Oh! And I didn't spend my ONLY day off
looking for something to buy for him.
Ha ha!
Enjoy your custard buns.
Fuck!
[Harmonica Playing]
What are you doing?
I just want to say, I'm really sorry
for being such an insecure piece of shit, alright!
I just really like you man!
And when you went away to China,
I started over thinking stuff in my head, you know,
and it was like a devil's workshop in there
and I don't know what was going on,
I was just…
…and then that handsome bastard came in
and he wasn't wearing any socks and that got me thinking
are you into these naked ankles things or what...
I should have just shut up
and I should have just waited for you to come back
and everything would have been fine.
But, now I've gone and spent 600 bucks on bikini socks
and now my ankles are cold…
I really like you
… but you’re mad at me.
And I was supposed to get all of that from that song?
Pankaj, I've...
I've just been hurt too much.
What?
And it always only happens when you rush...
What are you saying?
and it just always always ends up falling apart.
What did you say? SHUT UP!
What did you say?
I really like you, Kaju.
I really like you too.
SHUT UP! God damn it.
Jeez am sorry.
I really like you too.
Good!
Yeah!
Cut her hand, poor thing!
What poor thing? She just ruined my apples and all.
All blood over it.
- The blood has stopped? - Yeah, yeah...
Are you okay?
Yeah! I'm fine, thank you.
Bhopal, when are you going back to Bhopal?
I haven't decided.
You should be spending more time no there, before marriage?
Yeah! But there's some more time to it so..
In one month marriage is happening.
What you will spend only 3 days with your mother?
You can always spend more time with Vidyuth after marriage, okay?
Shhhhh! You can ask these things later as well?
1 month?
ya…
Marriage is in April right!?
It was but then that Guruji only found a date next month.
When?
Valli! Why are you behaving like you don't know this?
I didn’t know. No, I can’t…
- What!? - I can't...
- Can't, what? - I can't...
What are you saying, Valli?
I'm sorry. But, I have to go.
So soon?
Actually, Pankaj just called.
He needed some help at the library.
Also I have a curfew at the PG, so. I'll come tomorrow.
Okay.
Who's this Pankaj?
They called me "Harmonica Harish" back in college.
But, that's 'coz no one really knew me by my first name, you know.
They just knew I play the harmonica really well.
So, yeah! I know what I'm doing.
Next time just make sure she soothes her throat before coming to class
and we won't have to waste any time doing that here.
Okay. Thank you.
Wow! The things you get away with, Kaju!
Hmm… Umm.. Listen Swati!
I think it's very cute and all of that.
But, can I be honest?
I just don’t really like pistachios.
- There I said it. - What?
I don't, I don't like the kajus, and the pistachios.
- I just don’t like it, alright. - Kaju isn’t pistachio.
Okay badam. Whatever.
You know, I don't really like dry fruits and I don't want you to think that I do
and get me a kilo of it from Dubai on discount or something, you know.
No, silly boy. I call you Kaju because it’s part of your name.
Like P.A.N.K.A.J…U
KAJU!
Euuuuu…. Yeaaah!
That's not bad, that's a good..
- Right? - Yeah! You deducted it from the "K",
that's smart, that's smart.
You know, I didn't, I didn't realize that.
Have you thought of any other options though?
Is that the first thing that popped up in your head?
Maybe like you know, there’s the other part “PAN”
related like “Paneer”? right?
That's not good...
Ah! Pancreas?
No, that's terrible.
Ah! Pa..Panda. No, I don't look like a panda,
What am I saying? Ah..
We're just going to stick to "Kaju".
Okay!
Okay! Okay!
Pankaj!
Hey! PUSHPAVALLI!
Hi!
You're supposed to be at your in-laws...
What do you want?
What?
Tell what?
What do you...
She must have done something stupid, alright...
Give me a second.
What?
Don't touch dude.
Don't tell me you didn't go to your in-laws place today.
No, I did, I did...Umm...
Pankaj! I need some money.
Is this for his debt?
- 'Coz I'm not giving. - No, no, no, not for his debt
it's just...it's...it's just...
What?
I...
I don't have all day man, spit it out.
Okay, Vidyuth and I, you know, we,
we tried to and then he… he was
and then I didn't know how to react and...
What the fuck did you do dude!!
Pankaj! He's repulsed by my body.
We tried to get close to each other, and he was being shy and I thought..
I'll make a move but he was so disgusted by me
that I didn't know how to react.
Alright, hold on. Where the fuck did you touch him?
Pankaj! It doesn't matter.
It's just, he's disgusted by me and I, I've been trying to lose weight Pankaj.
You know I don't eat now.
I just eat a cube of butter whenever I am hungry.
You eat butter to lose weight.
What, do you have shit for brains?
Pankaj! Now what do I do? Can you please tell me that?
Because, my wedding is in a month.
I need to lose all this weight.
Your wedding's in six months?
No, they pre-poned my wedding.
So, now it's in a month
and I need to lose all this weight in a month.
Pankaj! So, just give me the money.
I'll get a surgery done.
You wanna spend the money on surgery?
- I'll get the surgery done... - Okay, alright.
I've heard enough.
Pushpavalli. Firstly, congratulations on this little wedding of yours.
Secondly, you need to leave this boy.
No, no, no, Swati! Swati! I can’t do that, okay!
My mother will be so disappointed with me.
She will not understand this.
I need to, I need to get the surgery done.
My mother will not listen to me.
Maximum she listens to Pankaj. But, she doesn't listen to anyone.
Alright! Alright! Alright! Pankaj!
You speak with her mother
and tell her this is all ridiculous and she can't go through with this.
I don't know, alright!
She's, she's not the kinda person, that listens, alright.
You know what? My mother will not listen to anyone.
Just give me the money. I'll get the surgery done.
What is wrong with you? Pankaj!
I don't.
Okay, I don't know man. I,
Pankaj! Just don’t do it… don’t call my..
- Wait! - Ahhh! Fine.
Fine, I'll figure it out.
What'll you do?
I'll call your mom, alright...
- Pankaj! - I'll call her!
Here you go, don't worry,
he'll figure it out, okay?
[Pushpavalli Sighs]