[indistinct chatter]
[Dolores] So good to meet you, Mrs. Morris.
I used to live with your dead friend's grandson, Dominic,
and I'm hoping you can help me find him
so I can strangle his ass with my bare hands
for cheating on me and setting me up
to take the fall for him for 16 years.
[bell rings]
[indistinct voices in distance]
[woman] I told you, kid,
I'm not interested in being on the radio.
Oh, no, I'm not...
I-I brought you some empanadas.
[woman] You better not be a Jehovah's Witness.
I left you people in '72. It turns out, I like Christmas.
No, I'm not...
I'm not a Jehovah's Witness. I'm, like, uh...
Hi. Hi, Mrs. Morris, I'm Dolores Roach...
Are you even serious?
- I'm a friend of your... - Oh, I know exactly
- who you are. - Oh, you do?
- And you got some nerve showing up here. - I do?
- After what you did to Dominic? - What I did to Dom...
No, I don't think you...
I don't think you know the whole story.
- With all due respect... - Mm.
You did or did not serve time
at New York State Correctional Facility
for possession with intent and assaulting a cop?
- Yeah, I did. I did do that. - Mm-hmm.
- You embarrassed your man. - Wait, what?
And his abuela. The entire neighborhood
was talking about you for months.
[Dolores] Please, can I just...
Can I... Can I explain to you?
Uh, look, I brought snacks.
My friend died in shame.
Vete pa' el carajo, puta sucia.
What? What?
If I could just explain...
[Caleb] Jesus, I am recording in here.
Do you not understand... Oh, sorry.
Oh, do you have
a, uh, like, 3:00 p.m. available?
Okay, great.
Just... keep it down. For me. [chuckles]
You know, I'm just at my work. Okay, bye.
[Dolores] If I can't kill Dominic, goddamn,
I'd love to scratch that itch with podcast boy.
I'm a puta sucia?
Only for fucking her friend's grandson's double-dipping dick.
Fucking smart-ass Luis.
Nellie will help me.
I don't need Sophia to like me,
I just need her to tell me what she knows about Dominic.
[indistinct chatter]
[Jonah] I didn't, like, go to Wharton,
but I-I didn't not go to Wharton,
you know what I mean?
Okay, I-I took a ton
of business classes there while I was at Penn,
and I've got a real head for it, like my dad,
so-so just know that I know what I'm talking about
- when I say this, okay? - [Luis] Sure.
Franchising.
[Jonah] I... I know what you're thinking.
Uh, I don't think you do, man.
I see so much potential in this place.
[Nellie] Luis, imagine Muy Loco and Muy Loca empanadas
in every neighborhood.
[Jonah] Okay, I-I took a leap and I had these made,
all right?
[both] Welcome to Empanada Loca, may I take your order?
Wow, y'all rehearse that?
- Mm-hmm. - [customer] Hey, thanks.
[speaks Spanish]
So, uh, where you think
you're gonna put a drive-through in Manhattan?
[Jonah] Well you're already in Manhattan, right?
Next is Jersey, the whole tristate area...
across the world, even. You're thinking too small.
And you, my friend, are not thinking at all.
Well, I didn't mean...
I am an artiste, okay?
My work is bespoke.
You think they would franchise Wolfgang Puck?
- Well, actually... - Yeah, but I get it, though, bro.
[laughs] I get it, man.
You think because you are who you are
and I am who I am, that I can be bought.
- No. No, no, no, no, no... - Well, you know what, you don't realize that is
some real privileged, colonialist thinking.
I am not for sale. I cannot be bought.
I am not catering to the masses,
which would be a decline in my quality,
just for you to go ahead and culturally appropriate
my work and make money off of my legacy.
You got that?
Luis, you'd make money, too.
- Tell him, Dolores, it's a good idea. - Nah, girl.
I don't want to get in the middle of this one.
I'm sorry.
Yeah, I'm-I'm sorry.
I-I was just, um, inspired
by-by the way you care about this place.
Yeah? Well, go inspire yourself out the damn door, then, okay?
Okay, I'll get out of your hair. I'll get out of your hair.
[Nellie] Jonah, it was such a good idea.
You were... Jonah, you were doing such a good job.
[speaks Spanish]
[Nellie] Luis, he was just trying to help.
- For who? Himself? - No, both of you.
He doesn't want to work for his father anymore,
and he just wants to do
- his own thing. - [Luis] Oh, yeah?
Oh, his own thing? How would you know that, huh?
What the hell's going on between you two?
Well, we're just... vibin' or whatever.
Oh. They just vibin' or whatever.
[Dolores] Oh, fuck, now he'll never leave.
[Nellie] You should think about it.
Yeah. Enjoy your fifth lunch break.
Banana.
[Spanish music playing quietly]
Oh, yeah, um, somebody from
Hudson University called this morning,
and they were asking about, uh, your application.
Oh, yeah. All right, yeah, that's, um...
I'm gonna get to that. Thank you, thank you.
Shit, man.
So busy today, right?
[scoffs] I know, right?
Who knew that Caleb Sweetzer dude
had, like, a actual following?
- By the way... - Mm-hmm?
...where'd you go this morning?
I just went upstairs to, uh, talk to Sophia.
Why?
'Cause I wanted to see if she knew where Dominic is.
Thought you were off that shit.
[Dolores] I'm not "on" that shit.
Like, I don't satisfy you?
[Dolores] Not if all you do is bite my thighs
and lick up your own come.
Come on, man, it doesn't have
anything to do with you.
Well, if we keep doing what we're doing,
- yeah, it is. - No.
Well, you said you didn't want to see me hurt anymore, right?
- So I got to go and find out... - Well, what about my feelings?
Why the fuck is this about your feelings?
Oh, I'm not allowed to feel feelings?
Of course you're allowed to feel feelings.
I feel things. I feel things, mami.
I feel things for you. Like I want to be with you.
But if you want to go ahead and be with somebody else...
I don't. I don't, though.
- I don't. - [man] Yo!
- You ready for me, mami? - Sorry?
I got an appointment in a few minutes.
Yeah, for Hector. That's me.
What, you thought my mama named me Fatfuck?
Nah, mami, that was my first grade teacher.
Well, can you come back, please? 'Cause we're kind of
- in the middle of something... - [Luis] Nah, we good.
We good. She free.
- Do what you got to do. - Oh, I'm free? Oh, thank you.
Thank you so much, I'm so glad I got your permission.
Zángano.
You know, I don't usually get time in the middle of the day
for a massage, but my boss is, like, MIA.
Go ahead, Hector. Ladies first.
Oh, I'm not taking my eyes off of you for one second, shithead.
Damn.
So down here's where the magic happens, huh?
If you think you're getting a hand job,
you can turn right back the fuck around.
[chuckles] I didn't mean it like that.
[Dolores] These magic hands might have
to squeeze that neck so hard,
a dove pops out his ass.
[exhales]
[Hector] The table or the bed?
Are you fucking kidding me?
[chuckles] Nah, nah, I didn't mean it like that.
You really are a hard-ass bitch,
and I don't mean that in a bad way neither, mami.
Marcie a hard-ass bitch, too.
Or she was.
Yeah?
So where's she at?
[Hector] No fucking clue.
She been riding me
for three years straight, so...
figured I could use a break.
This baby can hold me, right?
Oh, it's held at least as much.
I'm gonna get ready.
You undress to the level of your comfort.
[Hector] You seen this Ruthie bitch that's been poking around?
[water shuts off]
Yeah.
What about her?
[Hector] 'Cause, yo,
she said there's actually two people missing,
Marcie and some dude, Pearl-something.
Oh, yeah?
Uh, you think, uh, they're connected?
[Hector] I don't know.
That's why I came down here to see you.
[Dolores] Say it, motherfucker, I dare you.
Say this was the last place your boss was seen.
You got any allergies I should know about?
[Hector] Just nuts.
That's how you know I ain't gay.
[Hector chuckles]
All right, I'm gonna have to go under your shirt.
[Hector] Cool.
Oh, damn, shorty.
[high-pitched] Shit.
Mmm.
You know, I didn't know what to expect,
'cause Marcie really thought this whole shit was a front,
you know, 'cause you worked for that bitch Dominic or whatever.
[Dolores] Oh, it's like he wants me to do it.
[inhales shakily]
Fuck, I'm, like, getting a little dizzy, though.
[Dolores] It's just the blood circulating.
Take a deep breath.
[Hector] Nah, for real.
I'm, like...
[coughs]
What's-what's in that oil?
It's coconut.
I told you I'm a... [wheezing] allergic.
It's... To-to nuts! It's... Coconut is a fruit!
It's not a nut!
- No! No, no... - Oh, Jesus fuck,
I didn't mean it.
Fuck, fuck, fuck.
- Hector! What? - [wheezing] Epi!
- Epi! Epi, epi! - What are you fucking saying?
- What, is it... What? - Epi!
Okay, what, what? Shit,
you got a lot of shit! What the fuck!
I wasn't really gonna kill him, I just meant, like, if I had to.
Huh? What the hell? Okay.
Where? You got a lot of pockets, bro.
[stammering]
Oh, how do I use this thing?
- How do I fucking use it? - [moaning]
Okay, I'm trying! Okay!
What... What, do I...
I just probably put it in your heart like...
like Pulp Fiction? Right?
[grunts]
[groaning]
Hector? Come...
No, no, no, no! Hector!
Hector!
What the fuck? No.
Another one's dead. Goddamn it.
If somebody had to die on my table,
I wanted to use my own...
This candle smells so nice.
Like cinnamon.
[beeping]
Oh...
[beeping]
[Caleb] I mean, up until recently,
I didn't even know the word "empanada."
Is this your first time having one?
[woman] Mr. Pearlman had, uh, asked us
about some concerns and asked us to stop by.
Oh. Well, the more unexpected, the better.
That way you get to see how immaculate I keep this place
on a daily basis, even when it gets busy.
[woman] You do seem very popular.
[Luis] Well, that's 'cause, and I mean this,
we serve the community.
Just like the sign says. That's my secret.
[Luis] Oh, Dolores, come here. Come here.
Wha... What's going on?
Uh, Shayna, meet Dolores Roach,
Magic Hands herself.
Dolores, Shayna Goldwin, health inspector
keeping New York safe and clean.
- It's good to meet you, Shayna. - How'd it go with Hector?
- He's... gone now. - That was quick.
Oh.
That is interesting.
Very interesting.
Let me finish here with Ms. Goldwin,
then I want to hear all about that.
[Dolores] Sure thing. Sure thing.
It's a pleasure to meet you, Health Inspector.
[Luis] Shayna, welcome to my kitchen.
[Dolores] Fucking health inspector?
How am I gonna get him off the table
alone with her upstairs?
[panting]
- [beeping] - [door opens] - What the fuck?
- [Ruthie] I never don't find them. - Oh, G... [gasps]
Ruthie, what are you... I mean...
[laughs] You scared the shit out of me.
I got something I got to talk to you about.
I know, Dominic's still alive,
but I don't really have time right now.
- I'm sorry, it's a bad time. - Dominic's alive?
That'd be a twist.
That's not why you're here?
No.
I'm here for this.
Those texts from father to son,
the spelling, the cadence, it was all off.
So I get my hands on the phone records,
and it says that those texts came from
a cell tower in Gowanus, Brooklyn.
Now, that's odd.
Awfully far from any of his properties.
So I schlep out there, and what do you know?
The phone is just sitting on a bench
by the LIRR that goes to Ronkonkoma,
like it was waiting there for me.
So I unlock it on the third try--
last four digits of his Social--
and there's an app on there
that's connected to...
...his pacemaker.
Isn't technology wonderful?
I-If you're looking for Jonah, he's not here,
but you could probably ask Nellie upstairs...
See, the app tracks the location of the pacemaker,
and it tells me that said pacemaker is here.
So I says to myself, I says,
"Ruthie, that doesn't add up."
The man's got gambling debts in Atlantic City,
a phone in Gowanus,
and his heart in Washington Heights?
No.
That's why I don't trust those things,
- the phone, because they're... - [beeping]
"Last little mouse in the trap."
Dame Agatha Christie's
longest-running play in the world.
You got anything you want to
get off your chest, Dolores?
It would be in your best interest...
to walk away now.
Really?
Where are you going? No.
Dolores,
what has thou done?
[Dolores grunting]
[both grunting]
Get off!
Come on!
[both grunting]
What's going on down there?
Ah, it's just Dolores down there,
you know, doing aerobics.
She's got to stay in shape
to give massages all day long, right?
And she's your business partner only, or...?
- [Nellie chuckles] - [Luis speaks Spanish]
- [muffled thumping] - [Luis] Come on, go work.
Go to work, come on. Dale.
Come on. We got global cuisine to sell.
All right, I want to show you something real quick.
I don't like to brag, but nobody
organizes their meat like I do.
This right here is, uh, Dominican steak...
[grunting]
[panting]
Low-rent bitch.
[both shuddering]
[shouts]
I don't want to be a serial killer!
Well, Mr. Batista...
Luis, please. Mr. Batista was my old man.
That basement is strictly residential,
- correct? - That is correct.
You do have some dry goods
down there, though, don't you?
If there is any food storage at all down there,
I'm duty-bound to get my eyes on it before I go.
[speaks Spanish] Looks like you're just trying
to get into my apartment now, right?
[Luis chuckles]
Never mind, I'm sorry.
Uh, we will go down to the basement soon, Shayna!
We will go down to the basement soon, real soon,
but before we do that, uh,
I cannot let you leave my kitchen
without showing you my babies.
Check this out. Everybody thinks that Japanese knives
are the way to go, but, nah, what you really want
are German blades.
[grunting]
[Dolores] Why won't this lady fucking die?
[shouts]
Okay. Okay, Roach,
I got to level with you.
You put up a good fight,
but you don't get to be as old as I am
in the business that I'm in
if you're not prepared to gut someone
like a pig, and I am,
and I have, and I will again,
so you're gonna let me walk right out of here,
and we're both gonna pretend that none of this
- ever happened. - You think I'm stupid?
I let you walk out of here, you go straight to the cops.
You think I'm stupid?
You think I want the cops in my business?
Look, I don't want to kill you.
And you don't want to kill me,
'cause I haven't missed a matinee in 18 years,
five months and three days.
People will notice,
people who don't just carry stun guns.
I got a following.
So... are we okay here?
[both grunting]
[Hector gasps]
Pulp Fiction, bitch? Really?
[both screaming]
[screaming]
[Hector groans]
[screaming]
[muffled grunting]
Fuckin' die.
[panting]
[gasps]
"Out, out, brief candle."
MacBeth: act five,
scene five.
[panting]
[moans]
[Luis] Watch your step...
Oh, my. Okay.
Oh, and, uh, all dry storage
is over here in my private pantry,
cleanest place in the building.
[beeping]
Oh, and that right there is a, uh,
a busted smoke alarm.
Yeah, started going off last night,
but I picked up batteries this morning.
- That's a safety violation, right? - Yeah.
But I, uh, I'll let it pass,
as long as you get that broken step fixed.
- [Luis] Consider it done. - Good.
[Shayna] Wait, what about that room?
Oh, uh, that's nothing.
Dolores's bedroom. Her little spa.
There's no food storage in there.
Maybe I'll have to come back sometime for a massage.
Yes, yes, you will. Another day.
Yes, you will. Absolutely, you will.
[sighs]
[Shayna] Okay.
- [footsteps recede on stairs] - [exhales]
[stairs creak]
Oh, fuck. Not again. Fuck.
[knocking on door]
[Luis] Dolores? It's just me.
We got an A-minus, yo. [laughs]
Oh...
Mami's been busy.
[Luis straining]
These are gonna make so many fucking empanadas.
But I got to butcher them both in a few hours,
or else we can't use them.
'Cause, like, ideally, mami,
you could have spread these two out,
'cause this is gonna be, like, a challenge, even for me.
I didn't bring her here. She found me, okay?
- [beeping] - Look, Dolores, that's her job.
Yo, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey.
- What are you doing? Yo. - I'm doing what you
should have done in the first place
when you took it out of his fucking chest,
you fuckface!
Okay, whoa. Oh, oh, oh. Okay, which one of us...
- Which one of us hired her... - The only reason this is happening is because...
- ...to find the shitbag criminal... - ...you left the fucking phone
- in Gowanus. - ...ex-boyfriend, okay, huh?
- What the fuck did you think... - And that idea was brilliant...
...would happen when you brought a finder into our lives?
...in comparison to you keeping the fucking
pacemaker as a trophy,
- which led that bitch right here. - Okay, okay.
Mira, mira.
You can either antagonize
or you can collaborize.
- Oh, Jesus fucking Christ. - Okay?
[Luis panting]
[Luis] Whew!
[Dolores] I once used a prison toilet
during a salmonella outbreak,
but this is the most revolting thing I've ever seen.
[Luis] This is gonna be a minute.
Body this size... [speaks Spanish]
Got, like, eight quarts of blood in it.
Yo, yo, if you're gonna puke, you got to get out of here.
This is a food prep space, okay?
Do not contaminate my meat.
- All right? - Mm-hmm, mm-hmm.
Oh, hey, girl.
There was a lot of noises coming from down there.
Are you okay?
[Dolores] I need air.
I need a baptism in the filthy river.
I need a lobotomy.
Jesus Christ, and now there are two more dead people
who will have even more live people looking for them.
[tires screech]
Dolores! Dolores, you okay?
You okay?
- [cries] - I didn't see you.
I promise I didn't see you.
Can you walk? Are you sure?
[Jeremiah grunts]
Lean on me.
[radio tuning]
If you're following me,
you're not being particularly chill about it.
I was,
but I lost you at a light.
- Seriously? - Shh-shh-shh.
[radio tuning]
Anybody can triangulate you through radio waves:
the Pentagon,
anybody.
[laughs] What? Are you high, man?
No, I'm not Luis.
I like being able to think.
Talia says that you need a clear head
in order to tap into the universal fabric.
- Who's Talia? - My wife.
I didn't know you were married.
Yeah, she died.
Oh, Jeremiah...
No, well, it was just her body.
I know you know what I mean.
Just a body.
Look, the body's... just a container.
Right?
I know you see these... these things the way I do.
I know you do.
'Cause...
I know what you're doing, Dolores.
I know what you're doing.
What are you talking about?
So, you just got out of prison for a violent offense,
and you're not back here a week
before the landlord goes missing,
and then, all of a sudden,
Luis is making some new kind of empanada
that neither his dad nor he made a day before in their life,
with meat that they didn't get from me
or anybody else that I know.
Then the local dealer... [chuckles]
...who hasn't stepped off that block in the last 15 years
so much as to take a piss, is gone.
Then you take your little trip
up to New York State Correctional.
I followed you.
I was visiting a friend.
Then Ruthie shows up, and there's no way
you can tell me that that girl ain't connected.
Okay, you got to stop with this conspiracy theory shit.
What are you saying?
What am I saying? What am I saying?
I'm saying that food services like mine
are getting squeezed out.
I'm saying
that I'm drowning in IOUs.
I am saying...
...that I got people
that I want disappeared, too.
I'm saying I saw that musical
with that lady from Murder, She Wrote.
I'm saying I want in.
[Dolores] Oh, my God.
I broke Jeremiah.
Jeremiah...
...you got it so wrong.
Oh, God.
He's making you do this against your will,
isn't he?
Blink twice.
Blink twice,
and I will smuggle you into the back of that truck,
take you over the bridge,
and you can run away to anywhere you want to run away to.
Thank you for the steak.
I got to go.
Like killing people's not bad enough,
now I made that sweet man think it's okay?
It's got to end.
Hey. Hey,
I thought something happened to you.
I was worried.
[sighs]
Listen, man,
I just doubled the body count.
And there's no way that, any minute,
there won't be three more Jonahs
walking in that door, looking for family
and friends and drug dealers.
But we could build a whole new life together, Luis,
you and me.
How are we gonna do that?
You're gonna accept Jonah's offer.
Not to franchise,
but you're gonna let him buy you out
and then we're gonna take that money,
and then we're gonna run.
[♪ Elena Rose: "Coco"]
[singing in Spanish]
♪ ♪