[Sister Bicky] Keep digging, girls.
Your time capsule will be there somewhere.
[all muttering agreement]
You know, if you'd hit her just a little bit harder,
you could've finished off the job.
Oi, Sister, quick question.
Do Catholic ghosts respond to Buddhist exorcisms?
Just for future reference.
How about, "Quick question, how are you, Sister Barbica?"
You've been so caught up with your petty dramas,
you didn't even notice that there was
a whole other human being living here on the campus.
With all due respect, Sister B... Barbica,
your quarters are out of bounds and old habits die hard.
Yes, very convenient.
You see, this is why I've been avoiding you for so long.
Do you know, when the waters rose, I prayed?
"Dear God, anyone but this cohort."
I'd have taken 2012 and the butterfly hairclip uprising,
or 1996 and the nose piercing hospitalizations.
Heck, I survived 2016,
the non-stop blasting of that very sad Billie Eilish girl.
- But you... - We what?
You were the biggest bunch of bitches I ever taught.
- Language. - And the names you called me.
- Sister Bitchface? - Mother Inferior?
The Immaculate Infection?
- Shit a Bricky. - Bicky Likes to Lickie.
- Oh, oh, oh, Sister Bicky no Dicky. - Fuck a Bicky, Suck a Tittie.
- [all laughing] - Nun Who Can't Get None.
- [all laughing] - Stop!
Just stop this, please.
That's quite enough.
Shit. We made the friggin' teacher cry.
[thud]
What happened to this class?
You ten were always troublemakers,
but shaving people's heads, cutting off toes,
withholding perfectly good toilets from each other?
Yeah, Genevieve.
What? That's the least worst thing on that list.
It's pretty fucking selfish, though.
- [all complaining] - Stop!
Another week
and I fear that someone might have been killed if I hadn't stepped in.
Sorry to break it to you, Sister, but it only took us one day.
Sandy's been dead for weeks.
[scoffs] What the...
I know Sandy was a first-class whinger, but...
this is despicable, girls, even for you.
Now, come and get your letters to your future selves.
And reflect on who you've become.
Who wants to read theirs out loud?
I'll do it.
Okay, um...
"Dear future Phoebe, congrats.
"You're probably going to top the state." Correct.
"You skipped the formal to study
"and you blew off school camp to take extra tutoring.
"On the eve of graduating, you have no friends.
"I hope it was worth it."
Um, yeah, so I know the last few months have been, like, really fucked-up.
But I actually, weirdly...
enjoyed getting to know you all, so...
Yeah.
[upbeat pop song playing]
[clears throat]
"Dear Amelia." Oop.
I was always a bit off-task, wasn't I, Sister?
"I don't know what your fucking problem is or why you won't answer my calls,
"but I want my Billabong skirt back."
And I'm still waiting, bitch.
"Dear Future Genevieve,
"or should I say, third-ever female Prime Minister?"
What the hell? I wasn't even backing myself for second.
"By this point, you'll have a Cert III in beauty therapy
"and will be working as a nail technician."
[laughs]
Life.
Who knew I'd be trading manicures for medicine?
Not me.
Aw, this is a love letter to Mitch, and a shit-ton of stussies.
And the balls are the legs and the shaft's playing violin with its little arms.
I mean, obviously, it's not anatomically correct,
but it's still an accurate depiction of my future anyway, so...
What you got?
Uh... [chuckles]
Mine was just a vag making beer, so...
But the drawing's not as good. Yeah. [clicks tongue]
So, who do we have left?
- Oh, Amelia. - Oh, uh, no, I don't have a letter.
I'd left school by then.
Of course. I'd forgotten about your mother.
I'm very sorry, dear.
Well, girls,
a time of reflection...
Amelia, what's she talking about?
Amelia?
Uh...
My mum died.
That's why I had to leave school early.
What?
- [Saskia] Tuck shop, anyone? - [Zoe] Mels, you want to come?
If you don't mind waiting...
Zo-Zo. Come on, let's go.
[Zoe] Amelia, please come.
- [Amelia] I really need to... - [Saskia] Zo-Zo.
She, um... She took her own life.
Jesus, Zoe. It's... It's okay. It was...
- [sobbing] - [Saskia] Come on, let's go.
Zo-Zo.
Amelia, please come.
We haven't hung out in ages.
Uh, no. Go without me.
I need to see Danny.
[sniffles]
I'm sorry.
Way to make it about you, Zoe.
[woman] Typical.
I'm so sorry, dear. I thought they knew.
No, it's...
It's okay.
[sniffles]
I didn't know.
- If I'd have known... - It's okay. It was a long time ago.
Why do I always fuck everything up so badly?
You know, like, if I hadn't pussied out at the reunion,
then none of you would be stuck here
and Saskia wouldn't be dredging up years of trauma.
And Genevieve wouldn't be constipated.
And you wouldn't have to tell us that...
that your fucking mum died, and I'm...
I mean, they're laughing about fucking Billabong skirts, you know?
This whole time...
This whole time I had convinced myself it was you who'd fucked me over, you know?
[chuckles softly]
What is it? Say it. I deserve it.
I just chased after you to console you about something that happened to me,
and suddenly I can see you clearly,
the way I would if I didn't know you, and...
Zoe, we don't have to do this.
You know, we're not... We're not friends.
Of course, we're friends.
- I mean, I know it's been a bumpy ride. - Let's just say we did keep in touch.
Let's say we grab dinner every few months.
What do you and I talk about, Zoe?
Um, our lives.
But our lives are so different.
We are so different, Zoe.
It never would have held up after school.
- Regardless of whether I left or not. - Amelia,
I know I fucked up, okay? I should have kept calling you,
but I promise you if I'd have known, it never would have gone this way.
Yeah, it would've.
Maybe not right away, but... it would've.
I'm sorry I had a secret toilet.
No, I'm sorry that I extorted you all.
I'm sorry that I mixed chalk and water and said it was miso soup.
But you all seemed to kind of like it...
I'm sorry that I told you all I was a doctor
when I'm actually really a nail technician.
What?
You're not a doctor?
You really fooled me.
[Phoebe] Right, guys?
- Uh... - Mmm...
[awkward throat clearing]
It's okay, Renee. We kind of knew.
What?
Yeah, like when you said formaldehyde was pickle juice,
it was a dead giveaway.
And when you performed "routine" Pap smears on us
and called the speculum a "spatula"?
And what lab were you sending the swabs to?
'Cause all of us was just in a whole bundle.
It didn't make sense.
I, uh, I reckon I cottoned on when you...
chopped off my whole entire toe.
Yeah, I'm sorry.
I'm sorry that I lied.
And, Teresa, I can't apologize enough.
I'm sorry, too.
To all of you.
I'm sorry, are we just...
Pep... Genevieve.
[Renee] ...skating over this now?
I know that I made your life hell, and I enjoyed it.
There was just this desperation,
this naivety to you that I really resented.
Okay, is this an apology, or...
But really, I was just jealous.
Because you've got this incredible strength of character.
You really know who you are.
And I'm sorry that I ever tried to change that.
Oh.
Apology accepted.
[clapping]
There's too much estrogen in here.
I think we need to air this room out and go and eat.
Come on.
Anything you'd like to apologize for, Bicky?
Oh, please.
A few detentions and you millennials are ready to file a class-action lawsuit.
You were disciplined, Saskia, for uniform infractions
and smoking behind the assembly hall,
and late assignments, to say nothing of that nasty bullying streak of yours.
What did you say?
You were a bully. Quite the most prolific I ever saw.
No, no, you said smoking behind the assembly hall.
Sometimes,
girls like you, Saskia,
detention is for your own good. I always had my reasons.
[thunder rumbling]
Excuse me.
- Done with that? - Um...
What are you doing?
I am making a grand gesture.
Zo, I don't want to be rude, but thought about just apologizing to Amelia?
Yeah, I'm really going to take friend advice from the girl who had none.
Oh, hey, Zoe. That's not on. We're being nice to each other now.
Sorry, mate.
Teresa, this fish is, it's really delicious.
[fly buzzing]
The dressing is, it's really tangy.
I didn't make a dressing today.
But thanks, Sas.
Sorry, I know we're being, um, like, positive and stuff,
but I actually feel a bit funny.
[stomach gurgling]
Mmm, it's fine.
[farts]
- Oh, God. - [squirts]
Oh, no, no, no, no.
- I've got the mouth sweats too. - [stomach gurgling]
- I don't want to... - [burps]
Guys, don't look at each other.
[groans]
[retching] Resist...
Resist the vomiting.
Guys, I think it might be the fish.
Your sick fish.
[retches]
[screaming]
[thunderclap]
[thunder rumbling]
Okay.
Let's try it.
Let's have dinner.
See if it holds up.
Zoe, please stop.
Well, you have to eat, don't you?
So you may as well do it with me.
Now, red or white?
Napkins, not wine. There's no wine.
The only reason that you are gripping on to this
is because we're stuck here and it feels bigger than it is.
Okay, then, um,
can you just tell me, if our friendship was really that meaningless to you,
why did you come to the reunion?
For the hors d'oeuvres, mostly.
Look, Zoe, wouldn't you know best that just because
two people shared something doesn't mean it always lasts?
Wow!
All right, then, message fucking received.
- [thunderclap] - [exclaims]
Jesus Christ!
Fucked if I'm gonna stay down here in the thunderdome.
No, Zoe...
No, it's fine. You don't want to be friends, whatever.
I just, I don't know why you need to bring my parents into this.
Fine, I'll have dinner with you, fine. Just don't touch any of the metal.
Whole place is live, you dickhead!
[thunderclap]
Okay.
[upbeat rock song playing]
Red or white?
- Oh. - [coughing]
The sea is riddled with death and disease.
What kind of idiot eats the fish?
Is this the end of time, Sister?
Has the rapture finally come for us?
No, you silly girl, it's just climate change and food poisoning.
Renee, dear.
Oh.
The girls are cracking temperatures of 39. What should I do?
I'm not a doctor, Sister.
Oh, yes, pardon me. It's been a big day.
I've lost track of which girls aren't doctors
and who's been murdered and whatnot.
Of course, no one believed I was a doctor, Phoebe.
Like, no one ever expects big things from me.
[retching and coughing]
[soft indie rock song playing]
Good medicine is kindness.
Hmm?
Yeah, so you don't have that little bit of paper,
but guess what?
What?
- You make people feel better. - [scoffs]
[thunder rumbling]
You're a good friend, Phoebs.
How is there more?
[Tegan vomiting]
[thunderclap]
So, how confident are we that the rubber tires of the ute
will protect us from the electrical charge?
Well, it's been about 20 minutes, so
I think you can touch all the metal you want now.
In fact, you can even go.
No, I think I better play it safe.
In fact, I would feel a lot more comfortable
if you would at least take a gumboot and a glove.
No?
All righty.
So...
How's the farm?
Good harvest this year?
Who do you supply peanuts to?
Supermarkets or the little packets on airplanes or what?
Peanut butter factories.
Peanut butter is made of peanuts.
Oh, my God. I swear to you, I've never even thought about it like that before.
That's crazy.
See, if we'd have stayed in touch, I would have known that.
Zoe, don't pretend this is interesting.
[Zoe sighs]
I can't imagine what you went through. But...
I don't really understand why you didn't tell me, Amelia.
That peanut butter was made out of peanuts?
That's my bad.
We didn't really tell anyone.
Danny still thinks that she died of a heart attack.
Whoa.
So, do you know what was wrong? Like...
- Was she diagnosed? - [stomach gurgles]
Sorry.
I really want to know the answer to that question. I just...
- [Amelia vomits] - [Zoe retches]
[rock song playing]
- I think it might be the fish. - Don't say "fish."
So, what was I? A BFF for now?
I just wanted more friends.
Do you guys have a spare bucket?
We can't even share this one, let alone give it to you, F.L.
And some of us are just one-bucket women, okay?
Do not start.
When you only have one bucket, it means you truly appreciate it.
What is happening?
Maybe one bucket relies on the other bucket to get her wasted all the time.
Okay, I've lost the thread on the bucket metaphor.
Are we the bucket or is our friendship the bucket?
Megan...
You're an alcoholic.
Where the hell did that come from?
I saw you lick wine off the chapel floor yesterday.
And all we've done for weeks is try to get fucked up, and I...
I don't want to do it anymore.
Forgettable Laura, looks like you found yourself a new bucket buddy.
Careful. It leaks.
[grunts]
Zoe, you need to go.
I cannot do this while you are here.
What? You want me to go out there into the third coming?
What?
The night the Poco came was the second coming,
so this is the third coming.
- It's basic maths. - Whatever. I'll go then.
What? Are you serious?
Yes, okay?
I'm like one of those animals that goes out into the woods to die, okay?
So just let me go.
No, please. Please. It's dangerous. You're gonna get electrocuted.
Oh, God, you're dramatic.
- [electricity crackles] - [Amelia screams]
Oh, my God.
Are you okay?
- You okay? - [groans]
Is this a bad time to say, "I told you so"?
[gasps softly]
You just shat yourself, didn't you?
Mate, I shat myself, like, 20 seconds in. [laughs]
Come on.
- It's not funny. - [Zoe] It is funny.
Couldn't do this with a stranger, could you?
[thunder rumbling]
Saskia, dear, come back to the dormitory.
- You knew. - You're delirious.
Come back to the dormitory. You'll get much better sleep.
You knew what he was doing.
I have absolutely no idea what you're talking about.
Stop, please.
You knew what he was doing to me.
Did you know about the others?
The detentions were all I had to keep him away from you.
I don't expect you to understand.
Well, fuck your fucking detentions
because they didn't do shit, and you...
[Sister Bicky] Saskia, Saskia.
Saskia.
Real friggin' subtle.
Saskia.
[soft indie song playing]
Oh.
Our recliner had this...
permanent shadow of my mum.
Like, like an actual imprint from her being in the couch
for months on end.
And that's how it'd be, you know.
She'd sit on that couch, day in, day out.
Till one morning, you just wake up and she'd harvested half the peanuts
in the middle of the night on a whim and...
And when you grow up like that,
you just wait. You just wait, and you think...
it's inevitable, you know, it's in me too, and...
And then, when it finally did happen, it was like...
[clicks tongue] Oh!
It's not sadness.
It's just nothingness.
And now I have no idea who I am without the antidepressants.
But the thought of...
of stopping them with what might be waiting to come untethered?
Hey, you're not your mum, Amelia.
No, I am like her.
I'm also not, right?
Because I'm here.
I'm so sorry that all of that happened to you.
It's my biggest regret that you had to go through all of that alone.
Thank you.
I feel better.
Yeah, me too.
Nausea's gone.
I mean about having it all out in the open now, just...
I feel so much better.
I'm done.
No more secrets.
Oh, f...
Please, let me explain.
[sighs]
I knew he was texting girls and asking them to save him
under another name, so I'd confiscate the phones.
I knew he was meeting girls on the boundary of the campus,
which is outside the school's jurisdiction,
so I'd intercept them and I'd punish them for being out of bounds.
And I watched all his... favorites like a hawk.
And I found excuses to put them into detention
to prevent them from meeting him.
To obstruct whatever bond he was building in whatever way I could.
They were imperfect solutions, Saskia.
I don't expect to be forgiven.
I know that I could have done more.
[crying]
[chuckling]
Oh, you're all fucking cunts.
[sighs]
You included.
[chuckles]
Amen.
[pop song playing]
[indistinct chatter]
[whistles] Sick digs, Sister Barbica.
We could've been having scramby eggs and parsley this entire time.
Yeah, not to mention communion wafers.
I was going to tell you about all this,
but, to be fair, you got custody of the tuck shop.
Well, that was one way of getting over my fear of shitting at school.
[all laughing]
Hey, guys, if you were to write a letter
to your younger selves now, what would it say?
- Don't eat the fish. - [all chuckle]
No, but, seriously, like, what do you regret never doing?
I regret that I was such a narc in school.
I never even smoked a cigarette.
I think we can probably remedy that. Who else?
I know that it's superficial, but I regret not having a baby shower.
I was really looking forward to all that free shit.
Okay, Teacup is getting a baby shower. Who's next?
Uh, I regret not getting rid of Garrity from the school when I had a chance.
Fuck, yes, let's deep clean this entire place of that motherfucker, okay?
Who else?
I regret that I took my bucket for granted.
I'm not going to fill my bucket with anything but water from now on.
[Zoe] I don't really understand what that one means,
but it sounds doable.
- Renee? - I don't think, I...
I don't think I have any regrets.
After reading my letter,
all I ever wanted to be was a nail technician, and I did it.
Amelia?
I regret that...
I never learned all the words to "One Week" by Barenaked Ladies.
Wait, what?
Wait, you mean the "Chickity China, the Chinese chicken" song?
Yes. Yes.
What the hell are all those words?
[all] It's been...
One week since you looked at me
Cocked your head to the side and said, "I'm angry"
Five days since you laughed at me
Saying, "Get that together, come back and see me"
Three days since the living room
I realized it's all my fault but couldn't tell you
Yesterday, you'd forgiven me
But it'll still be two days 'til I say I'm sorry
Hold me now and watch the hoodwink
As I make you stop, think You'll think you're looking at Aquaman
I summon fish to the dish although I like the Chalet Swiss
I like the sushi
[all] 'Cause it's never touched a frying pan
Do we know any other bits?
Chickity China, the Chinese chicken
You have a drumstick and your brain stops tickin'
Watching X- Files with no lights on
We're dans la maison
I hope the Smoking Man's in this one
Gonna get a set of better clubs Gonna find the kind with tiny nubs
Just so my irons aren't always flying off the back-swing
Gotta get in tune with Sailor Moon
'Cause that cartoon has got the boom anime babes
That make me think the wrong thing
How can I help it if I think you're funny when you're mad?
Trying hard not to smile though I feel bad
[all] I'm the kind of guy who laughs at a funeral
Can't understand what I mean? You soon will
I have a tendency to wear my mind on my sleeve
- I have a history of losing my shirt... - I have a history of taking my shirt...
Taking "off" my shirt.
- Losing my shirt. - No, no.
Losing my shirt is right.
- [all arguing] - Oh, fuck this song!
It's been one week since you looked at me
Dropped your arms to the sides and said, "I'm sorry"
Five days since I laughed at you and said
"You just did just what I thought you were gonna do"
Three days since the living room
We realized we're both to blame but what could we do?
Yesterday, you just smiled at me
'Cause it'll still be two days 'til we say we're sorry
It'll still be two days 'til we say we're sorry
It'll still be two days 'til we say, we're sorry
Yow!
Thank fuck that's over.
[all cheering, applauding]
Well done, buddy.
Today...
we bid farewell
to the men who thrived in the gray area,
who exploited the benefit of the doubt
and depended on the silence of others.
Today, we say to those men...
Get fucked.
[all] Get fucked.
[all cheering]
[rock song playing]
- Zoe. - Hmm?
I've run out of antidepressants.
You'll be okay, mate.
I'll make sure of it.
Yeah, feels good to have everyone's regret sorted, huh?
- [all] Yeah. - It does.
Yeah, yeah, no, it feels great, doesn't it?
Feels so good, feels really good to have it all sorted.
Are you fucking serious?
- Huh? - Uh...
You've forgotten me.
Again.
- Oh, yes. - Oh.
Since none of you came to my non-funeral,
I want a real one.
I want to be eulogized and spoken fondly of
and commemorated and not fucking forgotten.
Jesus Christ, you women...
All right, girls. What do you say we have a funeral tomorrow?
- [all] Yes. Yeah. - [Zoe] Great.
Sorted.
[indistinct chatter]
Greyish beige.
[woman beckoning]
[fire crackling]
[sniffing]
[laughing]
[pop song playing]
[grunting]