[wind gushes]
[birds cawing]
[sighs]
[pocket watch clicks]
[sighs]
[birds cawing]
Where is that damn stagecoach?
Weren't they coming from the other direction?
That depends. You coming or going?
I'm going west, of course. Just like everyone else.
-Are you not? -No.
Going back.
I've done my time here.
Had it.
Why do you say that?
Oh... Well's run dry.
I come out here to spoon-feed religion to the savages.
Tried real hard.
They didn't want it, at least the ones I dealt with.
Hmm. Can't blame them.
We got a lot of Christians.
Don't need no more.
Have you ever seen a real-life Apache in the wild?
Yeah.
Cheyenne?
Yeah.
Shoshone?
No.
Comanche?
Yeah.
What are they all like? I... I... I've yet to see a single one.
Hmm. I don't know.
Some are lousy. Some not.
Just like everybody else, I reckon.
Why are you coming out here?
Uh...
Fresh start.
Uh...
Trying to put my troubled past behind me.
-How's that? -You know, it's tough times.
Tough times back home.
Among other things, uh,
my wife passed during childbirth.
That's unfortunate.
Yeah. Yeah, it's plenty rough.
It's why I'm in dire need of a fresh start.
I hate to break it to you, but it ain't gonna be no better out here.
[clicks tongue] Things are gonna be shitty
in new and fascinating ways.
[sighs]
Yeah.
Oh, Lord. To hell with it.
All of it.
Where's that goddamn stagecoach?
[sighs]
That's it.
[groans] Here you are, son.
Comes with advantages.
Uh... Holy Bible. Some of the scripture's missing.
Used it up on kindling and rolling papers.
Hygiene. [groans]
Good cloth. High thread count.
[grunts]
Here. Goddamn, where's the time at? Take this. Son of a bitch.
Oh, Lord!
[grunts]
Adios, amigo! I'm coming, Lord.
Here I come.
Oh, Lord. Oh, God Almighty.
[mumbles] I'm coming...
[country dance music playing]
[feet stomping rhythmically]
[cheering]
[music fades]
[seagulls cry]
[whinnying]
[piglets squeal]
[man laughing]
[snorts]
[barroom piano plays]
[laughs]
[people laughing]
[meows]
[exhales]
-Can I get a pilsner, please? -All's we got is whiskey.
That'll be fine.
[bottle opens]
[slurps]
[inhales sharply]
[hoarsely] Well, thank you. [groans]
-What's wrong? That's prime rotgut. -It's fine. It's... It's just me.
Is you a pussy?
Um...
My stomach is from time to time.
Your stomach's a pussy?
-Guess that's what it boils down to. -[man laughs]
I'm sorry.
I'm just messing with you, buddy.
-Do you mind if I, uh... -Oh, go ahead. Go ahead.
Obliged.
[man coughing]
So, what are you in town for?
Just business.
[both men] Uh-oh.
-Oh! Another businessman. -[barkeep] Oh, well!
[men laugh]
-Yeah. -Well, if you're interested,
we're having a gangbang social out back later.
Matilda. Oh...
Buck and a half a head.
Being new in town, it'd be a good way for you to meet folks.
Why, thank you, but I'm, uh... I'm spoken for.
Maybe your stomach's not the only thing that's a pussy.
Maybe you're right.
[chuckles nervously]
Actually, I'm in town looking for a man named Parson Henry.
-You two gentlemen heard of him? -The preacher?
That the fella that was upchucking in the corner?
-[barkeep] Yep. -Jesus.
You sure that's Parson Henry?
That's what he called himself. Didn't have that collar thing, though.
What's that preacher collar thing called?
I don't know.
Whatever it's called, it looks uncomfortable.
My Adam's apple's too big for that shit. Look how big it is.
[barkeep] That is pretty big. Look at mine.
[man] Yeah, you got a big one, too.
I never liked it when a barber got in under there.
How big is yours?
Uh... I'm not sure. I think it's about a medium size, maybe.
You don't happen to know
where I could find the Parson round 'bout this time of day?
[barkeep] Probably down near the shore.
That's where he's been ending up since he got here.
Well, maybe I'll take a look for him down there.
Much obliged.
[man] Hope you're not looking to be saved.
Because you're going about it the wrong way.
[men laugh]
[seagulls crying]
[man] Parson Henry?
Parson Henry, is that you?
[sighs]
My name is Samuel Alabaster.
Do you know who I am?
Yeah.
Did you get my confirmation telegram?
[groans] Yeah, I think so.
I've got it here...
Somewhere.
There it is.
Why are you going getting all tight on me when you know you got a job to do?
Well, I just... [exhales] I just got a little tipsy while waiting.
[Samuel] Well, it's bullshit.
Pretty un-goddamn-professional, if you ask me.
Pardon my French.
[men laughing]
[pigs snorting]
[footsteps approaching]
Hi.
-All fixed up? -Nice and tidy, I guess. Thanks.
[Samuel] Don't mention it.
I'm docking it from your pay. Fifty cent.
Here's your $29...
And 50 cent.
You'll get another $30 when we're done,
and that'll get us up to $60, as stated in the telegram.
[money rustling]
-We're square? -Yeah, it's fine. We're square.
[cat growls]
[horse neighs]
Morning.
What's that?
It's a miniature horse. Her name's Butterscotch.
She's very rare.
Possibly even unique.
[horses snort]
She's a living conversation piece.
Regular horses don't have names. They're just, uh, you know...
Regular.
-You didn't say we was leaving town. -[Samuel] Well...
Why did you think I was paying you so much?
[man laughs]
[coughs]
-[coughs] -For the crimes of skullduggery,
skull thuggery,
and skull buggery,
-justice is served. -[crowd applauds]
[singing] ♪ With tears inside That are hard to hide ♪
♪ My heart is heavy now ♪
♪ I'll say goodbye For a long, long time ♪
♪ Will we meet again? I don't know ♪
[yodels]
[bell rings]
[horse neighs]
[yodeling continues]
[woman speaks Chinese]
[man speaks Chinese]
[woman speaks Chinese]
[man speaks Chinese]
[woman speaks Chinese]
Technically speaking, are we in Injun country?
Technically speaking, everywhere's Injun country, I reckon.
[Samuel] What kind of Parson are you?
[Parson] You know, just the regular kind.
I reckon I'm still a neophyte.
[Samuel] What's that, like a tenderfoot?
[Parson] I don't know, really.
It's just a fancy word. Heard it being used in Baltimore.
[Samuel] Baltimore. Is that where you're from?
[Parson] Yeah.
[Samuel] Never been that far east.
-Any good? -[Parson] It's fine.
Kind of like this place will be in 20 years, I'm sure.
[Samuel shushes]
[Samuel] Come here. [clicks tongue]
Good girl.
So is, uh... Is Butterscotch, like, a wedding present?
Yeah. She's wanted one for a long, long time.
They're not easy to find.
What-what's your, uh, fiancée's name?
Penelope.
-Did I not say in the telegram? -No, you just said "bride-to-be."
Well, soon to be Mrs. Penelope Alabaster.
[Parson] Wow. You're a lucky man. She's a real prize.
[Samuel] She's the most precious thing in the whole world.
She's like a flower.
Beautiful, soft, supple skin.
Smart.
Good at thinking, cooking.
Good at reading words.
Even good at kissing and love-making.
What more could you ask for?
Sounds like you got a good thing going.
Yep. And I just want everything to go off well, without a hitch.
Oh, yeah.
Oof!
[exhales]
-[Samuel] Pretty fancy, huh? -I'll say.
You know, marriage is a big jump.
It's hard.
And things don't always go the way you want 'em to.
Well, that's what she wants, I reckon.
It's what I want too.
Ties it all together, big time.
Oh.
Look.
-An arrowhead? -Yeah.
Sharp one, too.
You know, if you want, you can have it to give to Penelope.
Those are pretty common.
-Obliged, though. -Okay.
[owl hoots]
I appreciate you coming out here with me.
And I...
I apologize if there's any miscommunication
-regarding the travel part. -That's fine.
I kind of...
I kind of like it out here. It's, uh...
It's peaceful and, uh...
-It's good for a man's soul, I guess. -You're absolutely right.
[sighs]
Can I share something with you?
It's just a sweet little ballad I wrote for Penelope.
I want to play it for her right after we tie the knot.
It's, uh... It's called "Honeybun".
[singing] ♪ Pitter pat ♪
♪ Of your beating heart ♪
♪ In sync with mine when we're apart ♪
♪ My honeybun ♪
♪ I love you ♪
♪ Can't you see? ♪
♪ My honeybun ♪
♪ You're my honeybun ♪
♪ My honeybun I want you just for me ♪
♪ You're a horseshoe to my hoof ♪
♪ And I need no further proof ♪
♪ You're my honeybun ♪
♪ You're my only one for me ♪
♪ Honeybun, honeybun, honeybun ♪
♪ Mmm-hmm ♪
♪ My honeybun ♪
[Parson] Wow.
-That was really pretty. -Oh, thank you.
[Parson] Wow. You're a bona fide troubadour.
[Samuel chuckles] Whoa.
[Parson] Wow.
[person whistling in distance]
[whistling continues]
[whistling stops]
-[farts] -Oh!
Fuck! Fuck! Damn.
Hey!
[gun fires]
[Samuel] Rufus!
[panting]
[screams]
[water splashing]
[Parson] Samuel!
Samuel, are you okay?
What happened?
-[Samuel] Catch my breath for a minute. -What happened?
[groans]
[pants heavily]
[Samuel] Can you pass me my canteen?
[groaning]
[Parson] What happened?
[Samuel grunts]
Penelope.
She's been kidnapped.
-What do you mean? -Because she's a prized possession.
You saw her picture.
The guy who took her is an evil son of a bitch.
-[Parson] Who? -Anton Cornell.
-Was that who you went chasing after? -No. That was his brother, Rufus.
He's a no-good son of a bitch as well.
I had to catch him before he could warn that jackleg.
-Did you catch him? -Yeah.
Yeah, I did.
Why didn't you just go get the sheriff when it all first happened?
The sheriff? Wh-what sheriff? It's the wilderness.
Ain't no jurisdiction around here.
Didn't want to get the authorities involved anyway.
-Why not at least get a posse? -Hired guns?
Goosey. It's unpredictable.
I just wanted this to be safe and low-profile.
That's why I couldn't let you be privy to all the details straight away.
And this kidnap is the most terrible thing that's ever happened to me.
It hurts, down deep inside.
Literally. I've... I've got ulcers.
All I want to do is rescue Penelope safe and sound,
marry her proper under the eyes of the Lord and have a quiet life.
It's not too much to ask for, if you ask me.
I just want things to be nice.
[sighs] I don't want all this turmoil.
That evil son of a bitch had to go and mess it all up.
I'm really sorry to hear that.
Parson, let me ask you a question. Do you believe in evil?
I mean, someone in the flesh who's just pure goddamn scum-loving evil?
-I don't know. -How can you not know? You're a Parson.
Well, look, let me put it to you this way. Um...
Have-have you ever been in true pure love?
Now, I'm not talking about some fly-by-night gangbang hostess.
I'm talking about an undying attraction
for someone who means more to you than anything.
-Well, have you? -Of course.
Well, now imagine that being plucked away from you by the scum of the earth
for no other reason other than because of pure evil.
Now, I'm not the type of man who's gonna sit there
and watch my world crumble all around him.
I'm gonna take fate into my own hands.
-Don't you understand that? -I feel for you, Samuel.
But this isn't what I signed up for.
I agreed to join the two of you
in holy matrimony in the ceremony and that's it.
I'm sorry, I can't be a part of this.
Because of your vocation or because you don't believe in love?
That's just a stupid question.
Do you believe in true pure love or don't you?
Of course, I believe in love! I'm sorry, I just can't!
Don't be lily-livered!
Where do you think you're going? You'll never find your way back alone.
I'm no cartographer, but I figured I'd...
I'd just go right back the way we came.
All right.
I'll give you $90 more. I'll make it $150.
Look, I-I beg you.
Penelope's all I got left.
I'm not a gunslinger! I don't like this! I'm just... I'm just a man.
I'm just a man who believes in love, plain and simple.
And all I want you to do is officiate the wedding. Proper, like.
You make sure we're off to a good wholesome start,
then you get a bonus for your trouble. I got all the dough on me.
Hundred and fifty legal US tender cold hard cash?
You have my word.
God damn it, my nerves are shot.
[Samuel] Hey, you ever been to a cakewalk?
[guitar twangs]
[Parson] No.
[Samuel] Me and Penelope, we met at a cakewalk.
[Samuel] I landed on a number six. And I told her I landed on number nine
because that was her cake and I wanted to meet her.
It was love at first sight.
She actually made a pecan pie. And I joked that's illegal.
Because it's a cakewalk, not a pie walk.
She laughed, said I was a card.
It was the best pecan pie I ever had.
Whoa!
[Samuel] Guess we're closer than I thought.
[horse snorts]
Come on.
Oh, man, my nerves are shot.
Mine, too.
Doubly so.
I also got me a case of the groom spooks.
It's a big commitment.
It's lifelong. Lifelong commitment. And there's no turning back now.
Oh, no, it-it's never too late to turn back.
You know, there's no shame in that if it's not right.
-You got to do what's best for you. -No, it's definitely right.
And besides, she needs us.
There's some things a man just can't ride around.
[Parson sighs] I don't mean to be a pessimist...
but have you considered the slight possibility that they...
You know, that...
That she's deceased?
It's not a possibility. Okay? Let's just leave it at that.
Doesn't look like anyone's there.
I know. They could be anywhere.
We have to proceed with absolute caution.
Anton's a cunning bastard.
All right, here's the plan. We want this to be quick and easy.
Now, we leave the horses here,
and we go to the edge of the woods with Butterscotch, where you two will wait.
Now, on the count of three,
I'm gonna make my way to the rear of the outhouse.
From there, I move on to the hideout
where I bust my way clear through the door.
Now, if Anton's inside, I'll deal with him.
Then, I'll untie Penelope, help her to escape.
At that point, once the coast is clear, on bended knee,
I'll ask her to be my wife. I'll give her the ring.
And then, you will emerge from the woods with guitar and Butterscotch in tow.
And then you do your, uh... Your ceremony.
[Parson] All right.
What do we do if Anton's not inside?
[spurs jingle]
Just in case, we should be keeping a watchful eye on surroundings.
Now, we should be doing that anyway. Got to look out for an ambush.
But you're gonna have to cover me.
What do you mean?
Uh...
You take the Winchester
and I'll take the Schofield.
I told you I'm not a goddamn hired gun. I told you that!
[shushing] I'm not asking you to do anything other than cover me, okay?
-It's for safety's sake. -A gun is not what I'm here for!
I know you're not and that's fine. Look, I'm not either.
But just please remember that a woman's life is at stake here.
Now, all I'm asking you to do is sit there and cover me.
That's it. Nothing else.
If you don't want to do it for me, then just do it for Penelope.
It's all gonna be over lickety-split.
Know how to aim? Use the crosshairs and everything?
Yeah, I know. You just... [mutters]
You want to say a prayer?
For, uh, good luck or protection or something?
No, let's-let's just get it over with.
[guitar twangs]
-You ready? -What?
Okay, let's go.
[spurs jingle]
[breathing heavily]
[horse neighs]
[breathing heavily]
[door creaks]
[Parson breathes rapidly]
[Parson gasps]
[Parson breathes shakily]
No.
[Parson breathes rapidly]
Die, you evil bastard!
[latch clicks]
[gun cocks]
[gun firing]
[gunfire continues]
[gun firing]
[door creaks]
[gun cocks]
[gun firing]
[Samuel grunts]
God!
[sighs]
Penelope! Oh, my Penelope. My beautiful baby girl.
Everything's all right.
It's over now, you're all good. You're safe.
[gasps]
[Penelope] No!
Oh!
[panting]
No!
[sobbing]
[Penelope continues sobbing]
[exhales]
[Samuel] Penelope, you know, uh...
You know I've always loved you with all my heart.
And I...
I want... I want to ask you to be my lawfully wedded wife.
[breathing heavily]
[sniffles]
How dare you?
I know we've been through a lot of rough patches in our lives.
But now... It's-it's time to heal.
And we can heal if we let ourselves.
-I can't believe this. -Penelope.
I love you...
Till my dying day, I swear it.
[panting]
You... Son of a bitch!
You... I hate you!
-What? Penelope, why are you doing-- -I hate you!
-Penelope! -[screams]
-[Samuel] Why? -[screams]
Please, Penelope, why are you doing this?
[screams]
Goddamn you!
-What are you doing? -[Penelope sobbing]
-[Penelope] We were so happy together. -[Samuel] I know.
I know we were.
[Penelope continues sobbing]
-Penelope. Hey. -Don't touch me!
Parson. Hey.
Come on. Come on, Parson.
-Now, come on. It's time. -[Penelope] Who the hell is that?
-[Samuel] Come on now. -[gun cocks]
[Samuel] Now, hold on. Just let me--
-Who the hell is that? -Let me explain.
I put a lot of thought and care into this, all right?
Just listen. Hear me out here.
This is Parson Henry, and I brought him all the way up here,
at my own expense, to officiate,
so we can conduct things in a proper and righteous fashion.
-Don't come near me. -I'm not, I'm not!
-Stay there. -[horse neighs]
-[Parson] I am, I am! -Penelope! What are you doing?
That's your wedding present. The miniature horse.
I've named it Butterscotch, after one of your favorite candies.
I know horehound's your all-time favorite.
That doesn't seem a suitable pet name.
I just wanted to pick one that sounded the best.
I don't want a wedding gift.
[Samuel] But I just wanted to pick something special and personalized,
just to show you how I feel about you.
You always said that miniature horses
were the cutest, most beautiful critters you've ever seen.
-I never said that. -[Samuel] Yes, you did!
-I never said that. -Yes, you did! You said it in St. Louis.
[Penelope] I never said anything like that.
At most, I said they were interesting looking.
-Stop putting words in my mouth. -[Parson] Ma'am, please listen to me!
I'm not any part of this! I've absolutely no idea what's going on!
Hold on. Hold on now. Don't you hang me out to dry.
You told me... You told me you believe in love.
You told me you believe in love all the way.
[Penelope] There is no love here. Let's make that loud and clear.
I thought I'd seen it all from you, Samuel.
But, oh, was I wrong.
[Samuel] You can't deny...
You can't deny that there's a powerful love between us.
There's a true pure love.
A love that goes all the way--
The only love up here was between me and Anton.
-And you took that away from me! -No! He took it away from me!
-He had it coming in spades! -No one had anything coming!
Do you hear me? I was happy up here.
I was the happiest I've ever been in my whole life.
[Samuel] With Anton?
Anton Cornell.
Lecherous, hifalutin' scumbag!
Don't you say another goddamn word!
Why can't... Why can't you see he manipulated you?
[sniffles] I'm... I'm the victim here. I came here to save you!
I don't need your saving!
-Baby, why are you doing this to me? -[Penelope] Shut your trap!
I could never love you. Do you hear me?
Am I finally getting through to you?
[Samuel] God!
[sniffles]
-You gave me mixed signals. -I gave you no signals! You're poison!
I should shoot you in the fucking head!
Fine, then. Why don't you?
Since I'm such a terrible person...
If I'm the worst person in the entire world...
If I... If you think I'm-I'm trash that's not even a human being,
then go ahead and just do it, right in my broken heart.
[sobbing]
[gun clicks]
[pants]
You're not worth it.
I want you to live with what you've done, what you've ruined,
and what you'll never have.
I want it to rot deep inside of you for as long as you live.
[Samuel sniffles]
[grunts]
[sniffles]
[door creaks]
[gun fires]
No!
No! [yelling]
Goddamn you!
[sobbing]
[sniffles]
What are you looking at?
[Parson] He told me you were kidnapped and that you were his fiancée.
He said he wanted to rescue you
and have me marry the two of you under the eyes of the Lord.
That's all I knew, that's it, I swear to Christ infinity.
I'm just a dumb neophyte preacher trying to help a guy out.
I ain't in cahoots with him or anything of the sort.
I'm just as blindsided as you. I met him a couple of days ago and I trusted him.
I don't wanna hear another goddamn word out of you
unless I ask for it, do you hear me?
Now, seeing as you know how to officiate a wedding,
I assume you know how to officiate a funeral. Is that correct?
Uh... I reckon it is, ma'am.
[shovel digs into soil]
[digging continues]
[pants]
Is this deep enough, ma'am?
We gotta go deeper so the animals don't get him.
Wh-what about Samuel?
They can have him for all I care.
How does this work? Do I start or do you?
You, I think, is fine.
Anton...
You were a good man.
I loved you very much.
More than I could possibly account for right now.
It tears me up inside to know we'll never grow old together,
share our lives together another day,
start a family, a copper mine.
I'll never forget you, my sweet, precious love.
And may you find solace that while you're up in heaven...
That Samuel is rotting in hell.
[Penelope] Where's the rest of it?
In my head.
More devout that way.
Go on, then.
[Parson clears throat]
Hear ye, hear ye.
Here lies Anton...
Cornell.
Here lies Anton Cornell.
He was a-a brave and noble man.
And husband.
He didn't deserve to go out like that.
A big, dumb, goddamn stupid mess.
And all Samuel's fault.
In the name of all things holy...
[sighs] may he, Anton Cornell,
rest in peace
forever and ever, a hundred percent all the way.
Ashes to ashes and dust to dust, et cetera and et cetera. Amen.
Amen.
[objects clattering]
[chair clatters]
[objects clattering]
-[furniture crashes] -[horse neighs]
[glass shatters]
[objects clattering]
[flies buzzing]
-[gasps] -[flies buzzing]
[exhales]
[strains]
What are you doing?
He-he owed me this. He owed me this for officiating.
[stammers]
If you want half, I'll give you half. I even got the ring if you want it.
I don't want anything to do with any of it.
[exhales]
God damn it!
[panting]
[debris clattering]
What happens now?
[Penelope] I'm done here.
Moving on.
[Parson] What about me?
What about you?
[wind whistles]
[creaking]
Miss Penelope?
-What? -Miss Penelope, I...
I'm of the bashful sort.
Um...
In light of the, uh, the outhouse being occupied
I'd like to go
relieve myself in the woods as tastefully and discreetly as possible.
-All right? -Number one or number two?
Because if you've got to pee, you can do it out here.
Number two.
[clattering]
[horse snorts]
[Penelope] Parson?
Parson?
[gun cocks]
[water running]
[grunts]
[sighs]
[water gurgling]
[Parson] If that's hooch, may I have a nip?
I'm really hurting for one.
You're not a real preacher, are you?
It's for medicinal purposes.
Don't backwash.
[exhales]
[Parson] Are we going back to town?
I reckon so.
Maybe I'll get you strung up there.
[Parson] If that's the case, just get it over with.
I ain't putting up a fight.
Hold tight here a minute.
[horse snorts]
Stay put.
I got an eye on you. No funny business.
Miss Penelope, are you okay?
I... I can feel your deep-seated pain.
And I understand what you must be going through.
I, too, suffer.
And I'm haunted by my own share of demons.
You don't understand a thing.
I want to be of help if I can.
For what it's worth...
You're a real beaut.
As divine...
and delicate and-and pretty a flower as Samuel said you were.
-Is that a line? -[nervously] No, no, no.
-It's not... -[cocks gun]
'Cause I don't need your foolhardy consolation, do you hear me?
[Parson] Okay, okay.
Now vamoose, before I blow your fucking lamp.
All right. Okay.
And put your dynamite back on.
[horse snorts]
[whispers] I don't wanna wear the dynamite.
I'll put the dynamite back on.
[horse snorts]
[wolf howls in distance]
Where's Butterscotch?
[howling continues]
-I don't know. -There's predators out here.
[wind whistles]
[wolf howls in distance]
Butterscotch!
[whistles]
-[Penelope] Butterscotch! -Butterscotch! [whistles]
[wolf howls in the distance]
[Parson] Butterscotch!
Butterscotch?
Butterscotch! [echoes]
-Butterscotch! -[Parson whistles]
[horse neighs]
[Parson] There she is!
-[Penelope] Is she okay? -I don't know. I think so.
[softly] Hey!
[horse neighs]
Penelope!
[horse neighs]
Penelope! [echoes]
[Rufus] Penelope!
Penelope!
[horse neighs]
Rufus.
[Rufus] I saw you duck off in them woods.
I sniffed you out.
Are you trying to avoid me?
What in hell are you talking about? Of course not.
-What happened to you? -What the hell do you think happened?
Samuel?
-When? -Threw me off a crevasse.
[grunts] Left me for dead. [groans]
My head cracked open. Ants tried to eat my blood.
Goddamn ants, what the hell did I ever do to them, huh?
Here, let me take a look at you.
You knew what happened to me, didn't you?
Do you have any idea what I've been through?
Anton's dead, isn't he?
I'm so sorry.
I saw the grave.
I may not be able to read, but I know what the letter "A" looks like.
All I can say is that Samuel's gone too.
And he's in hell.
And your brother, he's in heaven, on a big white fluffy cloud.
[wind whistles]
[Rufus] This is all your fault.
You're a regular goddamn black widow, ain't you?
-Ruin everything you touch. -Hey!
I understand that you're hurt and angry,
but you've got no right talking to me like that!
[rustling]
[Parson] Don't mind me. Just carry on.
Why don't you come out, you big yellow-bellied pussy?
Sir? Sir? Listen.
As a man of the cloth, I can vouch that neither of us knows diddly-squat.
Shut the fuck up! I saw you in cahoots with Samuel.
I know what's going on here. Y'all are all in cahoots!
Rufus! You need to calm down and listen to reason here.
[Rufus] Don't you know how much my brother loved you?
-I thought you two were the real deal. -We were!
Then why'd you tell Samuel where you moved off to, huh?
Why'd you go and do that?
-I thought that was the whole point. -I didn't!
-How else would he have known? -I have no idea!
I hadn't seen him in almost two years!
I never would've thought he'd come and pull this.
Then why are you running around with his posse?
-There is no posse! -Sir, I swear I'm not his posse!
-I'm not the posse type. -Poppycock!
What kind of two-bit preacher are you anyway?
Rufus, you just need to calm down and listen.
My big brother's gone, and you're to blame.
You're not who I thought you were.
You let me down. You let Anton down.
Anton and I had our occasional problems, as any couple does,
but I loved your brother very much.
And we had a great relationship.
How do I get that through your thick skull?
Rufus, listen to her, she's telling the truth.
-It's all on Samuel, and that's it. -Shut the fuck up, Preach!
-[Parson screams] -Rufus!
[grunts]
[Rufus groans]
[Rufus continues groaning]
You know what we have to do now, don't you?
-What? -[Rufus] Well...
When a woman becomes a widow,
it's, uh...
It's customary for her to marry
the brother of the deceased.
Those ants did a number on you, didn't they?
Because you're out of your goddamn mind!
-It's the code of the prairie. -[Penelope] No, it's not, Rufus.
There's no code, no cahoots, and there ain't gonna be any marriage.
Oh, yeah? Well, I got a pepperbox that says otherwise.
It's nature's way!
And Preach here, he's gonna officiate it so it's legit.
And then I'm gonna hang him, vengeance style.
And then you and me, we're gonna start anew
and carry on the plans for the copper mine that you and Anton had.
-Rufus... -[Rufus] Now get up and reach for the sky.
I mean it! Don't try any funny business.
[Rufus] All right, let's see here.
God damn it. Do either of you know how to do this?
-I'm terrible with knots, too. -Rufus, quit it.
This is madness and it ain't gonna happen.
Shit. [grunts]
Well, if it don't, I'm gonna shoot the both of you and leave you for dead.
-I've been through hell. I'm done. -I'm with child!
Did you know that?
[horse neighs]
-No. You're not. -[Penelope] Am too.
You kill me and you also kill your baby kinfolk.
How's that settle with you?
How do I know it's my true kinfolk?
I'm not gonna spend another minute trying to convince you
how much I loved your brother. You know it, you saw it,
and if you're gonna go on questioning the validity of my feelings,
then you can go to hell.
I don't wanna hurt you, but I'm not gonna let you pin this on me either.
This guy was just some goddamn tagalong stool-pigeon preacher and that's it.
And if you actually think I'd be a part of this,
then you're the biggest moron of all.
Now, I'm gonna go to town and see a doctor.
You're gonna let both of us go with no hassle whatsoever.
You're gonna go back to your place,
milk your goat and start anew by yourself. Is that clear?
We are gonna make the best out of this goddamn awful situation.
Do you know if it's a boy? Or a girl?
I don't know.
I've always wanted to be an uncle.
[horse snorts]
-[thuds] -[groans]
Rufus!
[groaning]
[Rufus] How did you...
Why did you do this to me?
I didn't do anything to you. You're my goddamn brother-in-law.
[Rufus breathing heavily]
You always were so frickin' beautiful.
Like a peach.
Anton always got the peaches.
All's I got was pears.
Rotten ones, at that.
[breathing raggedly]
[groans]
[coughing]
[groaning]
[continues groaning]
[both scream]
[shrieks]
[Parson continues to shriek]
[breathes heavily]
[man] Hey.
You all right, ma'am?
Who the hell are you? Why did you do that?
Zachariah Running Bear's my name.
-Why I did that is you were in danger. -I had it under control.
-He's just trying to save us, Penelope. -I don't need anybody's saving!
Here you go, ma'am.
Obliged.
[Penelope clears throat]
This...
is my personal boundary.
If either of you try anything off-kilter, you'll regret it.
[metal utensils scraping]
[owl hoots]
Those were some of the most tender victuals I ever had.
Thank you.
You wouldn't happen to have any firewater, would you?
I sure could use some.
No.
[exhales]
That white woman, is she taken?
Well, I guess so. So to speak.
-She has a personal boundary. -Oh, I see.
You know, I've never met a bona fide Indian in the wild before.
Or a noble savage of any kind.
It's your lucky day.
What tribe are you?
Can-can I guess?
No.
[Parson] I understand.
Probably more sacred that way.
I'd like to make you a proposition.
I sit here before you an empty vessel.
A soulless neophyte of paleface proportions.
I hereby beg of you to consider whisking me away
to wherever it is you call home,
be it tepee, wigwam, cave or whatever,
teaching me your native tongue,
showing me your ancient traditions,
sharing with me the way of your people.
I'd be eternally grateful.
And, uh...
I think it would be a win-win situation for both of us.
[whispers] We don't even have to tell the white lady.
We could just leave now under the cover of darkness.
I have something for you.
An arrowhead.
What's wrong with you?
I need a fresh start.
I'd even let you scalp me.
Why would I want to do that?
[Parson] I don't know.
I'm just in desperate need of a clean slate.
-Let's sleep on it. -[Parson] Okay.
Good idea.
[gun fires]
[Penelope] Get up.
The Injun left before dawn. Took yours and Rufus's horse.
And my mule.
Damn.
This is no good at all.
-Why would he do that? -Are you really a preacher?
Not in the conventional sense...
though my heart's in the right place.
Are you really with child?
No.
Not that it's any of your business.
I wish I was, but I'm not.
Well, this is where we part ways.
[Parson] Now?
[Penelope] Yep.
I'm done.
Want me to change my mind?
No.
Are you gonna take Butterscotch?
No.
I know I don't know everything,
but I know as much as I can handle and I'd like to leave it at that.
[gasps]
I'm so sorry.
[inhales sharply] I'm so sorry.
[Parson] Penelope! Hold up a second.
-Penelope! -[horse neighs]
Please!
Penelope, I'm standing here thinking, what am I supposed to do next?
-Where am I supposed to go from here? -It's not my problem.
[Parson] Yeah, but I look at you and I'm wondering the same thing.
I came out here for a fresh start.
But it's just so dagburn tough,
so dagburn uninviting and so dagburn lonely.
I mean, look at this wasteland around us.
How's anyone supposed to meet anyone out here?
Let alone someone you can trust, you know?
So, so badly I miss having someone to love me.
Or even more so,
I miss having someone to give my love to.
In light of the harsh and unsavory circumstances that bind us,
is it so unreasonable to suggest that we make a go of it together
in this here hostile environment?
[yells]
My wife died during childbirth.
All I want is love.
Love and survival is all I want.
You're not exclusive in that notion.
[panting]
[sobs]
[blows nose]