-
making it happen
I got the magic
They're totally going to shit
their Latrine joggers.
Who is, Lord Hiroki?
The world.
-
Mom, come on.
They complete the fit!
My outfit needs it more!
We're late for church!
- Coming! - Coming!
Why do I always have to sit bitch?
Because window seats are for "A" students.
Right, Mom?
- Mm-hmm. - Gah.
- Okay. I can't believe I'm saying this,
but welcome to the first day of Untitled Shit Project.
Oh, yeah! - Yo! Dawg!
Big ups to the gods Spike, Ava
and iCarly for the inspiraysh.
Also, special thanks to Principal Weston
for financing this little passion project.
Crafty's on me, y'all!
Okay, let's get to it!
Are my actors in place?
- In place! -
So proud of you, Tru!
All right. Scene one, take one.
And... action!
'Ey, yo, the world is a dumpster
she's a plumpster
No more rap. It has foul language.
BFD, Mom.
Exactly. Today is the memorial
for church member Byung-Soo F. Dam.
Wait, what?
I'm performing at the memorial?
I told you a thousand times.
It's always in one ear, out the other with you.
Ugh! Why do we have to make such a BFD out of BFD?
You playing in front of the church
is the biggest BFD.
All eyes will be on our family.
Everyone needs to be on their best behavior.
Oh, my God, it's Jay and the J.Crew Crew.
So hot.
I heard he got into Stanford a year early.
How you doing, ladies?
Hey, loser. See you're still
dressing like the Jabbawockeez.
- Hey! Over here!
Pull in next to us!
It's the Parks.
Don't do it, Dad. Please!
Don't make me talk to Jennifer, she crazy!
Ugh.
Hi, Joy.
Still driving a car from the Obama administration?
We just got the brand-new seven series.
Yes, how nice!
I didn't realize it came in banana.
Beautiful color!
Hello and welcome, Choi family.
How are you on this day of worship?
Hi, Benny.
Ugh, whatever, Jennifer.
Would you like to sample some of the pastries
I baked from scratch?
Legendary kiss-ass status unlocked.
- Hyung-Joon! -
Fuck, that's delicious.
Jennifer, thank you.
Oh, you're so polite.
Would you mind keeping an eye on Hyung-Joon in Youth Group?
I worry he's not connecting with scripture.
I worry, too. But you can count on me.
What is your name?
I don't have a name.
- I'm untitled. -
Cut, cut, cut, cut.
- Oh, my God, what is it? Tell me.
Surprise Beyoncé album. No, wait.
Surprise Solange album?
Even better.
Surprise Sunday Latrine announcement!
What up, fam?
It is I, Hiroki Hassan,
founder of Latrine and the illest man alive.
I interrupt your Sunday scaries to announce
my most exclusive drop yet.
The Golden Dorito.
No way.
Yes way.
I have placed four Golden Doritos
in random Cool Ranch bags around the world.
This Golden Dorito is your ticket
to an all-access tour of my incredibly tasteful
yet sick as fuck lair.
Now, good luck, and remember,
the only rule is there ain't no rules.
Okay, apparently there are a few rules.
So, check LATRINE.BIZ for deets.
Bless up and stay woke.
Holy shitballs!
- What do we do? - I know what I'm doing.
- Peace out, bitches. -
Emergency drop protocol. To the block.
- right now
- Aah! - that'll drench
-
all y'all drown...
- Damn! - Oh, man,
it's like Paris fashion week fucked the Purge.
- Coo-coo! -
the whole town...
Please, let us in.
No can do, boys. Get fucked.
Oh, how is Benny not here yet?
Mom, come on, please. I need my phone back.
No, not until after church.
You get too distracted.
You're right, Mommy. I'm sorry.
What?
No, no, no, no, no, no.
- Ooh. I gotta get out of here. - Okay,
who's ready to talk about our best pal and savior?
Jesus Christ.
- Whoo! - Uh...
Oh!
Hmm.
Huh?
-
- God...
Don't make me tell, Hyung-Joon.
What? I need to call my grandma.
It's 5:00 a.m. in Seoul.
She's an early riser.
Fine. You have two minutes,
then I'm telling your mother.
Ooh, I'm so scared.
- 1:59, 1:58... -
You guys, it's Benny.
Bro, the whole block has gone apeshit.
We're hiding in a dumpster, and I smell like
somebody else's burrito. Where are you?
I'm in hell.
Look, I don't have much time.
The drop announcement, skim it for clues.
Hiroki's been obsessed with Easter eggs
ever since he dropped that Da Vinci Code skate deck.
You know, I'm just gonna say it.
Book's better than the movie. Ah!
I'm not seeing anything.
Hey, quick Q for you, Benny.
I've always wondered about this.
Is Jesus white or Asian in Korean church?
He's whiter than a rice cake, Dale.
Don't interrupt us.
Wait, that's it.
Go to that spot where his henchman interrupts him.
It's just his shadowy figure.
- Go back. The time code jumped. - Read it to me.
04:17:20:10.
- Is that an address? - It's a date.
April 17, 2010.
Not just any date. It's a drop!
Of course.
The Latrine transition glasses.
I have them. Go to my house. It's in the...
- Time's up, Hyung-Joon. - Benny?
What the fuck?
- Shit. - Aah!
You heard the man. To Benny's house.
Goddamn it, Jennifer, give it back.
We're still young; it's not a big deal if I hit you.
You want me to tell on you, or you want to lose the phone?
Why are those my options?!
Fine.
Good choice.
Yo, come on, come on, come on.
Oh, hello, Gucci.
Who's a good boy? You's a good boy
Yes, yes, yes. Ya!
This is so exciting. We're like Charlie's Angels.
What? We're nothing like Charlie's Angels, bruh.
You had so many franchise options.
I could have been Black Bond in this bitch.
Yo, respect the culture, boys.
Damn, tracking mud is wild disrespectful.
- You guys see the glasses? - No. Nothing.
Ooh.
You guys want to see baby Benny
- in a seersucker bow tie? - What?
- I have the exact same crayon pic. - Found it.
- Shit.
First chip was found.
Congratulations on finding the first Golden Dorito.
Who's gonna be your plus-one?
Easy. My plus-one is my best friend Mike.
Thank God I only have one.
So... it's like a plus-one thing?
How did we not know?
I mean, it is a bullshit rule,
but me and Benny are gonna take
tons of pics and vids for you guys, so don't worry.
What?! Why don't we get to go?
You think we're just here to help?
That's literally what Dale's Twitter bio says.
Hey, don't hate on Boy Scout code.
Well, that's not what mine says.
Guys, stop fighting.
We need to focus on the chip.
We'll figure out who's going later.
Today we're discussing false idols.
Hyung-Joon, pay attention.
Ugh. This Kumon bitch is too much.
Would anyone like to come up here and read the next passage?
- Oh, oh, Jennifer would. - Hey.
Ugh, Hyung-Joon.
-
Dude, it's me. I'm on a burner.
What's up, Charlie? Angels here.
- Right? Come on. - Bro!
We found these glasses, but they don't do shit.
They don't even transition properly.
Why would Hiroki lead us to the glasses
if they don't do anything?
Obviously to see something. But what?
Yo, check it. It's the plug.
Of course. How could I forget?
It was when Joaquin was transitioning into
a performance artist right before
he grew the beard and started rapping.
Go find Joaquin.
He'll know what to do.
Dope.
- Thanks, bestie. - Bestie?
I've known Benny since Mrs. Gill's preschool class.
- I introduced you two. - Hey, Benny,
you should know there's a...
Well, if it isn't the little hype bitch.
I wonder which one of your sisters
I'm gonna hook up with first?
Probably Helen. Now give it back!
Listen to you. Can't even clap back in Korean.
Spending too much time with your woke-ass friends,
Hyung-Joon?
You think if you cop enough Latrine gear, they'll
- mistake you for a white boy? -
I wear Latrine because it's fucking dope.
If I wanted to get a job at H&R Block, I'd wear J.Crew.
- Shit, my lame-ass white friends
don't even wear J.Crew. Whoa.
Whoops.
You son of a bitch.
What's going on in here?
I caught Hyung-Joon sneaking out to talk on the phone,
and when I tried to stop him, he cursed at me.
It's actually a lot more nuanced than that.
- Hyung-Joon, you're coming with me. - Whoa, whoa, whoa.
Kombucha Brewery?
I thought this was Joaq-dog's art studio.
Extra, extra, swipe all about it.
Chips two and three found.
Oh, sacrebleu.
Thank God I only have one best friend.
Damn, one left? This better work.
Joaquin, bro, 911 chip sitch.
We need your help.
Vow of silence break.
Sorry about that, fam, it's just we brew
in silence here 'cause the boocha molecules are crazy shy.
No need to be shy around us. Keep brewing.
You're doing great.
Hey, real talk, what you know about these joints?
Just when I think I can stop running,
my Latrine past catches up to me.
When they were recalled, so was I.
Hiroki said I should just turn my back
on the glasses.
So you don't have a clue for us?
Are you even aware there's a worldwide
Dorito contest going on?
No, I fux with the Salsa Verde, but that is it.
Hey, Joaquin, Dan dropped his smudge stick in the vat again.
Sorry, gang, when the booch calls, I answer.
Hold up, give me the glasses.
No way. Joaquin is the clue.
Check it.
That's young Hiroki.
I know what the next clue is. Come on.
Thanks, Joaq-dog.
Young Hiroki looked up to his first mentor,
legendary '80s fashion designer Azzedine Alaia.
D, the Alaia store got torn down.
You know that. It's Barks & Bitches now.
- Exactly. It's the perfect place to hide a chip. - Slow down, Angels.
I'm running low on battery.
It's time for Abraham's Choice.
Everyone grab a partner you're willing to
sacrifice for the Lord.
Hyung-Joon, let's be partners.
Lewis?
- Where's Hyung-Joon? - Um, I don't know.
He Venmo'd me ten bucks to wear this.
Don't kill me.
Thanks for holding my celly, JC.
-
You can just ask about the animals.
You don't have to sift through their poop.
- D, it's me.
I'm on another burner.
- You guys get anything from Joaquin? - Yes.
His back tattoos led us to the old Alaia store,
aka Bark & Bitches.
And since I cracked the clue, I should get to go with you.
Get to go?
- There's no chip here, D. - Yes, there is.
You're just not looking hard enough, Truman.
Hey, just curious, why am I not even an option?
Dale, my fucking mom is going before you're going.
Why are you guys fighting?
What are you even talking about?
Oh, like you don't know.
We've been racing around Fairfax all day
while your ass is in church.
Yeah, why should Benny get to go anyway?
Derica, you and me should go.
Someone tell me what is going on.
Guys, Sherman got the last chip.
It's over.
- Hyung-Joon. - Wha?
I begged you to be good today.
But Jennifer tells me you've been sneaking out,
and Pastor Pat tells me you were using curse words.
Why do you have to misbehave on such an important day for me?
Important for you?
Today is the most important day of my life.
I'm trying to make something of myself,
and everyone is sabotaging me.
- You have no idea what that feels like. -
So disrespectful.
I do everything for you, and still you embarrass me.
You don't get me at all. I hate it here.
Umma, I'm sorry, I...
Get back inside. Now.
Aw, he's fat on the inside too?
And then the disciple Stephen was taken outside of Jerusalem,
where he was stoned to death.
Lucky him.
Give phone please.
I'm not supposed to.
Look at me, Jennifer.
I'm sitting in the Sinner's Corner.
I'm not going to Hiroki's lair, and I'm pretty sure
my mom's going to disown me.
So either give me the phone or push me off the roof.
I just can't believe it was Sherman.
Guess there really is a God, and he hates me.
Are you seriously crying over a fake golden chip?
Hiroki would never use fake gold.
He's authentic to his core.
Then that Sherman guy got a fake one.
What are you talking about?
Jennifer, come on, girl, I'm sorry.
I think you're brilliant, all right?
A little cuckoo, but that's hot to some people.
Please tell me. Please?
The filaments
near the edges of the chip are not remnants
- of real gold. - Go on.
It's turning his fingers green, dummy.
Only fake gold does that.
How sure are you?
I'm a straight-A student, Hyung-Joon.
I'm pretty fucking sure.
The Lord works in mysterious ways.
Wait. That was really impressive.
But what about your cello performance?
Fuck my cello performance! My mom already hates me.
Latrine is an even bigger BFD.
-
- Guys, it's me.
The chip's a fake.
Wait, how do you know?
My source is legit. Trust me.
Even if it is a fake,
we couldn't find anything at Bark & Bitches.
That's because it's not there.
Hiroki's real first job was working
for his mom's donut shop, Trusty Donuts.
His first mentor was his mom.
So the dream is still alive?
- Oh, shit.
Hold on, guys.
I'm sorry your son is such a disappointment.
Maybe Jennifer should perform at the memorial instead.
Her emergency bassoon is in the car just in case.
No, Hyung-Joon will play.
And he's not a disappointment. He's unique.
Oh. You should see his shoe business.
- He bought me these Louboutins with his own money. - Huh.
Those are three seasons old.
Too bad kids don't come with gift receipts.
Benny, what's going on? You there?
My mom. I'm her Golden Dorito.
This is her drop day and I'm ruining it.
Sorry, guys, I can't make it.
Are you serious?
Benny, Latrine is the most important thing in your life.
It's your religion.
Second most. Now, go on without me.
I need to handle something. You guys got this.
Benny's right. We can do this.
Friends, or best friends?
Best friends!
How can we not talk about family
when family's all that we got?
And now, I would like to welcome our very own
Hyung-Joon Choi to the stage
to perform a piece for BFD on the cello.
There.
We're too late.
Hey, wait, That's our Dorito bag.
This goes out to the BFD in my life,
my umma.
Secure the motherfucking bag!
I know a shortcut. Follow me.
Yah!
That chip is mine.
- Whoa! -
Weston? But you're our principal.
Not on weekends.
- Aah... - Aah!
Yah.
Want to see what 30K a year will do to a man?
What the fuck?!
Looks like my wife was right.
I'm gonna end up killing some kids today.
I mean, do I even have to say it?
Fine. We're totally Charlie's Angels.
Why are you so good at karate?
Huh?
Guys, over here.
Vaya con Dios, motherfucker.
- Bye-bye. - Wha...
Oh, damn.
-
Did we just murder our principal?
My baby.
Pull over.
Where's the goddamn Dorito bag?
Fuck, I tossed it a mile ago.
Litter gang for life, motherfucker.
You must be so proud.
Ugh. What now?
Oh, that was beautiful, Hyung-Joon.
Go get your phone back.
Jennifer, you are truly a psychopath.
It terrifies me that we're probably gonna
hook up someday.
This is hopeless. I don't see anything.
Bro, we've had, like, 10,000 Doritos today,
and I ain't even mad at it.
- Man, what the fuck?
This chip got a grill?
You gotta look at the date on the bag sometimes, man.
Yo!
There it is.
Well?
- Yo! - Yeah!
Holy shit, you did it.
We all did it.
she cooked me something yummy
she would take care of me
let me stay home from school
I couldn't leave the room
'Cause that was the rule... -
Dope!
I count four of you.
Which two will be attending the Latrine lair?
All of us or none of us.
Okay.
All right, well, I'm gonna need to run that by my boss.
Please hold. Sir? Yeah, hi.
We have a situation with the Fairfax winners.
There's four of them. Mm-hmm.
Yeah, it's one of those "all for one, one for all" scenarios.
Yeah.
He said you can all come.
to my mama
put on my pajamas, she did
a couple dollars
I better follow
to my mama
put on my pajamas
a couple dollars
I better follow
more than one job
you know?
Chirp.