- Woah. - Yo!
I can't believe we're going to Hiroki's lair.
Our clout dreams are finally coming true!
Yo, we're gonna be influencers once and for all!
our lives could be
we begin to see
and Latrine for me
'Cause we've got a Golden Dorito
Hit 'em with the remix!
Dorito Mode!
Killed our principal, now we don't go to school
I be smoking with no Juul
I run Sundance with the crew
turning plastic into shoes
Gimme da' shoes, gimme da' shoes
Dale, Dale, Dale, Dale
We've got a Golden Dorito
-
So proud of my lil Dorito winners.
Say "clout."
- Clout!
Oh, hell yeah! - Whoa, what?
Yo, private monorails are the wave!
Private jets are poor as fuck now.
- Language, Hyung-Joon. - Sorry, Mom. Love you!
All right,
now who wants to take some boomers and hike Temescal?
- Oh, my God! - Wow!
- Oh, wow! - Whoa!
Hot towel?
- Don't mind if I do. - Oh, no, thanks.
I brought my own.
Whoa!
Oh, my God!
Ah!
- Hey!
- Yo, check it out, the other winners! -
Let's go say hi.
Man, slow your roll, bruh.
Have you guys forgotten why we're here?
To meet Hiroki and bask in the glory of Latrine?
Yes, but also no!
We're on a mission for clout,
and the only thing standing in our way are those dipshits!
-
Those two-faced snakes.
Exactly.
Everyone's got to be on their A game.
- We have to stay focused. - Blue crab hand roll?
- Ooh, thank you. - What makes you so sure this is a competition?
Isn't it obvious?
This is classic Hiroki.
Only one crew will reign Latrine.
Next stop, Hiroki's lair!
Yo, of course!
Bieber, Kanye, Courtney Cox.
All the legends live in Calabasas.
Cindy was the cutest girl in the second grade -
Still remember the day... - Okay, Brian.
Biggest day of your life. Hiroki's counting on you.
And that's why you're his number one henchman of 15 years.
And if you do a good job,
Hiroki's totally gonna look at your sketchbook,
and he'll be, like, so impressed.
He'll be like, "Brian.
What other sick ideas do you have?"
And when you show him, he'll be like,
"No way! You're so talented, Brian!"
And then, you'll become BFFs,
and he'll take you on his meditation trip to Fiji,
and he'll name you creative director of Latrine,
and people will finally know your name!
Ayo, what's-your-name!
Them contest winners is here, dawg.
Okay, let's do this!
- Wow! - Oh, sick!
Oh, shit!
Whoa, whoa. - Hey!
Whoa. - Oh, my God!
Damn!
Those bougainvilleas don't play!
Tasteful, yet obnoxious.
I love it.
Ooh, nice!
- So cool! - Look, huh? - Yo!
I now present to you the creator of fits.
Breaker of box tees.
Grinder of rails.
The Hooba of Stanks.
From House Latrine, Hiroki Michael Hassan!
- Michael? - So mysterious.
Look, goose bumps.
No way! - Yo, fire!
Okay, that's awesome.
Look at that swaggy-ass fit!
Oh, my bad, sire.
Oh, shit. Is he gonna...
Oh, yeah, man. He's dropping in.
- Oh, shit.
Ha ha!
- And he's okay! -
What a fucking lej!
Salutations, Dorito winners.
Welcome to my humble lair.
Please pardon our mess.
We've been remodeling the kitchen since last April.
It's gone horribly wrong, thanks to Brian,
who said this wasn't gonna be a big project to take on,
and now I'm suing my contractor.
But... that doesn't matter because you're all here!
Welcome! You've all earned it.
And to you I say...
congratulations.
Now, come on in.
The lair is waiting.
- You heard the man.
Pose, bitches!
Yeah! Word!
- No way! - My God!
Before we begin,
there's some boring Brian stuff that needs to be handled.
Okay, gang, just gonna run you through
a couple terms and condish... ions?
Oh, my God! Could you be any worse at abbreviating?
My apologies, sire.
As stated in the legally binding Latrine contracts...
Yeah, yeah, yeah. NDA shit. Accept.
Check it out, edible wall paper!
Holy shit! It tastes like In-N-Out.
Correct. I call it "Farm to Table to Wallpaper."
The other side is Shake Shack.
Feel free to engage
in a discourse about which is better.
Wow, you can really taste the milkshake.
Actually, honey, that's just stucco.
And we're walking.
This is the entryway of Dope Shit.
Wow! - Oh, my gosh!
- Whoa! - Shit!
Mmm.
Whoa. What's in there?
Oh, that?
It's just Spring 2023 and beyond.
But I'm afraid only the purest of hype-heart
are allowed to lay eyes on the future of Latrine.
Did you guys hear that?
- Fits from the future! - That's it.
Our ticket to influencer status.
For the first time in our lives, we won't be chasing the clout.
- We'll be the clout. - You think he has hiking shoes in there?
Ooh, ooh, or maybe a Clif Bar collab.
It's Latrine, anything's possible.
All right, now that we've had an aperitif of dope shit
and all agree In-N-Out is better,
it's time for you to see my closet.
- Oh! - Wow! - Holy!
My God, it's even better than I imagined.
of sick-ass innovation
my walk-in closet
- No fucking way! - Holy cow!
Yo, this shit is so fi... What?
Yo!
No way!
It's everything I ever dreamed of!
Huh?
Ah, très chic!
Yo, fam, quick selfie.
A'ight, a'ight, everyone say Latrine.
Latrine! -
One of y'all done fucked up!
All right, nobody move!
The NDA clearly said no selfies.
Bruh, you know nobody actually reads that shit.
Yeah, Hiroki said that was just some stupid Brian stuff.
Why do you think everything in this lair is so mysterious?
It's because no one takes pics and posts them on sosh meed.
I hate to say it, but rules are rules.
Brian, take them away.
With pleasure, sire.
- Ah! - No, no!
Please, please! You can't do this to us!
Everyone on Fairfax thinks we're coming back as influencers!
The only thing you're coming back with is a staph infection.
Enjoy the trash chute, noobs. Buh-bye.
Y'all just got gloop'd.
Not today, Satan!
Benny, what are you doing?
We didn't come all this way to go home empty-handed!
We are in a fucking trash chute, dude!
What the fuck are we supposed to do?
Sneak back in there and raid that vault.
We need those future fits.
You guys, look, maintenance shaft, up there!
Okay, Derica, I'll give you a boost.
Take my hand, Dale.
- I'm stuck. - Ditch the fanny!
I can't do it!
It's you or the fanny, Dale. Don't be stupid!
But every Scout badge I've ever earned was with this fanny!
Think about the vault, man.
And the staph infection.
But mostly the vault!
Forgive me, Fanny.
Come on, Dale. We got to move.
Funny story, Mikey Fassbender and I do a boys' trip to Ireland
with our homies: Neeson, Farrell, Gleeson.
Aye, aye, check it out. It's the tour.
So we're out on the isle, bellies full of Glenmorangie,
and I have the idea for Cere-bruh,
a 3D printer for your mind.
All of Latrine's dopest accessories come
from this machine right here.
Bruh, the things I could do.
Ooh, it's like a director's dream.
Open your mind.
What do you desire?
My fanny.
Dale, you okay?
I just feel so naked without it.
What's this muhfucka thinking of?
Mom, I swear that's not what I was thinking of!
-
Yo, if that Fleshlight fucker
gets to see the vault and I don't,
I'm selling my gear to Dale and I'm moving to Oregon.
Ah, my hair!
Truman, shh! Someone might...
Hear you?
Brian, is everything all right?
Smells like burnt hair.
Perfect, sire. Just a couple rats.
I'll take care of it.
2023 T-shirts! We made it!
Hold up, pit stains are the future?
This isn't the vault. It's the laundry room!
Yo! Up ahead!
- What do we do, Boy Scout? - Uh, okay, here we go.
No fanny, no problem. Just let me think for a sec.
Um, uh...
Yeah, the tank's empty. I got nothing.
What would Fanny Dale do?
Bingo.
Look, Robot Prince's jacket.
He was stationed by the vault!
- Follow that jacket! -
There it is!
-
- Hey.
Who are you guys?
Uh, we're the new... Velcro experts.
Velcro experts?
Yeah. Hiroki's gone sour on the whole zipper movement.
It's all about Velcro now.
How come Brian didn't say anything about this?
- Because Brian is a bitch. -
I heard he gets his haircut at Fantastic Sams.
Such a loser.
Yeah, no, right.
By the way, you guys don't happen to have
any, uh, knowledge about
any way that we can get to the vault, right?
Just because we're supposed to be here for the orientation,
- but we got lost, so... - Oh, yeah, yeah,
just head down the hallway to the elevator,
drop down to the first floor, and you'll see it right there.
Much love, my Gs.
It's gonna be both your asses if we don't find them.
You're not our boss, bro.
I'm Hiroki's right hand, aka I'm your fucking boss.
Then how come we get two weeks paid vacation
- and you don't? - You guys get two weeks?
Hey, there they are!
Got you, you little shits.
Yo, no way!
Hiroki's great-great-great- great-grandfather was
a badass samurai hypebeast!
Killing for influence is the original hustle, huh, Dale?
Dale? You okay, man?
I remember when I used to climb.
Me. Bag of chalk. Fanny.
Fanny and I promised each other
we'd climb Mount Everest one day.
Come on, Dale. We got to keep moving.
Guess that dream is dead,
along with the rest of Fanny Dale.
Dale, you can buy a million fanny packs
if we get to that vault.
It's not the same!
Going somewhere?
Oh, shit, five-O and 12! Run!
- Yo, this way!
Hi-yah!
You're dead!
Game over!
Just come with us,
and no one has to lose any followers!
No way! We're not leaving here without some fucking clout!
You're never gonna have clout.
When everyone back on Fairfax finds out
you got banned from Latrine,
your lives are over!
- You're gonna have to go
into social media witness protection
when I'm through with you.
- Fuck that noise. We got to jump. - Get 'em.
- See you soon, Fanny! - Live free, clout hard!
Deuces, bitch!
You have one job!
Seriously! How hard is it to hench?
Can't you morons do anything right?
Oh, fuck that guy.
Seriously, I am so off Brian today.
I heard that!
Is everyone all right?
Ah. I'm having a tween-life crisis, but I'm alive.
Benny?!
Dale, help, he needs CPR!
Sure, I just got to reach into my fanny and grab my LifeVac...
Oh, right, I don't have it
because I ditched it in a trash chute
and now my friend's gonna die!
Live, damn it! Live!
Nipsy? Is this heaven?
Close. It's the first floor.
And there's an open window, right over there!
Wow! - Whoa. - Cool.
They know the answer?
There's got to be an emergency exit map somewhere.
- Wait! - Come on, D. We've come too far.
No.
If Hiroki's secretly testing on animals
while claiming to be cruelty-free,
then I need to know.
- Aw! - Aw. Animal testing.
- Aw, adorable. - How cute! -
I've never been more proud to be a Latrine head.
This rules so hard!
Okay, which one of you pups is the smartest one here?
Uh-huh, nice try, mustard face.
- Get the fuck out of here. -
Hey, yo, dog.
- You know where the vault is at, dog? -
Fuck yeah! Well, come on then. Let's go!
- Grab your passports, kids.
We're going to Clout City.
The fuck?
It's a trap! The dogs betrayed us!
- Gotcha, bitch! -
Congratulations.
You are officially as lame as Macklemore.
You can kiss your clout dreams goodbye.
Why do they call it a dial-up room?
-
Damn, these bars are stronger than a J. Cole verse.
Ugh! I can't hack this mainframe.
Netscape Navigator is taking forever to load.
Derica, how's the séance? Any luck raising the dead?
Mm, spirits are so not feeling us right now.
Dale?
Buddy...
How we doing over here?
You want to help us get out of this bizarre '90s hellhole?
What's the point?
Bro, come on.
I cannot be directing shitty network multi-cams
for the rest of my life.
Yeah! Think of all the orangutans I can't help
if I'm stuck in here.
Yeah, come on, dude.
Nobody wants to buy shoes from a cloutless loser,
so we're gonna need you to buck up
and get with the program, jah feel?
No, Hyung-Joon. Jah don't feel.
I know you guys think I'm this insanely cool,
normcore legend who kissed Shania Twain,
but I'm not, not without my fanny.
Why would you say that, Dale?
Because if I'm not helping you guys with my fanny,
I mean, what am I even doing here, huh?
Why keep me in the crew?
Everyone has their brand, except for me.
Truman and his creativity. Derica and her activism.
- Benny and his food. - I'm a multi-hyphenate, you fucking fat shamer.
Dawg, you think we'd just up and abandon you
because you lost your goofy-ass fanny pack?
Yeah, I mean, we're selfish as fuck, but we're not monsters.
Look, we don't hang out with you because you have
a bag of tools around your waist, Dale.
We hang out with you because in a world
of fake fuckbois and hypebeasts, you're as real as it gets.
Yo, you're the first white kid I ever liked, Dale.
You have a permanent invite to the cookout,
but you cannot dance to "Back That Azz Up," not yet.
Before you came into the crew, we were all over the place.
Shit, Truman wanted to be a magician.
Homeboy wore a cape for all of sixth grade.
Real talk: you're a breath of fresh Oregon air.
You're fam, fam.
- On God? - Oh, hear that?
Using slang the right way?
Before you know it, you gon' be cool as fuck,
influencing hella shit.
You know what? You're right.
I'm more than just a fanny.
I'm Dale and I friggin' love this gang gang!
Truman, I will see you at that BBQ, my man.
And I'm wearing my du-rag!
I dare you.
Okay, I think I know how to get us out of here.
- How?! - I'm gonna kill Brian.
- What the fuck, bro? - What the fuck?
With kindness.
I'm gonna use my mental fanny.
- Ah, yes. - Oh. - Oh!
So much more on-brand.
Yoo-hoo, Brian.
Over here. It's me, Dale.
What the hell do you want, you little shit stain?
I couldn't help but notice your Arnold Palmie.
Oh, this old thing?
Yeah, I've been working on my own little rec... ipe.
It's called a Brian Palmer.
It's half lemonade, half fruit punch.
Why don't you suck on that?
No foolies, Brian.
I would suck on that super hard, because it sounds amazing.
Hey, I bet you have a ton of other good ideas too, huh?
Well, I mean, I shouldn't be saying this out loud,
but yeah, I've been designing my own line.
You know, just shh...
Top sec... ret. Top secret.
- No way! - Yeah!
No, like denim underwear,
and like, a sweet-ass belt that says "belt" on it.
- Ugh, I hate that. - I love that!
So you never forget what to use it for, duh!
Yeah, see, you get it.
I don't see why fricking Hiroki doesn't.
He never likes my ideas.
Well, if he doesn't respect your ideas,
why you still working here?
Well, I thought after a couple years
of bitch work, I'd be creative director,
hanging out in Milan with Rick Owens and John Legend.
But 15 years went by,
and I'm still just another henchman.
You're so much more than a henchman,
but no one's gonna know unless you show them, Bri-dawg.
Bri-dawg?
That's the first time anyone's ever given me a nickname.
I've been asking Hiroki to give me a nickname for years.
You know what, Dale?
Hiroki has been holding me back.
I don't need that waxed asshole.
- Yeah! - Or Latrine!
- Double yeah! - I'm gonna be my own creative director!
That's the spirit!
Now how about letting us out of here?
You know what? For you, Dale, anything.
All right, I'm out of here, fuckos!
You guys coming or what?
Dale, that was the most awe-inspiring,
posi performance I've seen since Serena crushed Wimbledon
after having a baby.
Let's get to that vault!
Access granted, fam.
-
I was beginning to think
you weren't going to make it.
Make it? But you kicked us off the tour.
What about that selfie?
Ah, come on.
Everybody knows pics or it didn't happen.
The selfie set you on a path of hustling,
which is exactly what it was supposed to do.
So, you're not mad?
Mad? You ruined my lair,
tainted my Gatorade river,
dirtied all my laundry.
I have 20 dogs running wild through my home,
and my right-hand man of 15 years just quit.
I'm furious!
- But I'm also incredibly proud of you. - For real?
It ain't every day you meet a gang like yours.
Committed to clout.
Ear to the streets.
- Nose to the grind. -
Come on.
So, why all this? Why a Golden Dorito?
Simple, I just wanted to flex
and find my most loyal Latrine heads.
But what about the other winners?
I sent them basic bitches home
with some stickers and an ashtray.
They saw some cool shit, but they didn't see the future.
- Oh, I almost forgot.
Fanny!
- Thank God, you found it! -
Got to say, very well curated, young man.
Hope you don't mind, I gave it a little face-lift.
It's even more sicker than before!
Thank you, Mr. Hassan.
Now who wants to see Spring '23?
I do! I do!
big old, big old
this bitch up...
Well, guys, we did it.
We're influencers now.
After today, Derica will be saving the world.
Truman's gonna be directing a four-quadrant sci-fi movie.
And you're gonna be selling Dunks to Bad Bunny.
You guys aren't coming to school tomorrow?
School is for regular people, Dale,
but we'll see you on the group chat.
The influencers of Fairfax have arrived!
Where is everyone?
Ain't you kids heard?
There's a new sheriff in town.
Those Latrine fits might as well be Old Navy.
What are you talking about, Weston?
We're literally wearing the future.
Nobody cares about the future.
We're living in the now. Look.
Reselling denim undies for a thou!
Link in bio, fam!
Off-Brian?
- That motherfucker! - Now what do we do?
Cop some Off-Brian, I guess.
Ah. Man, is it good to be home.
- No, it isn't! - Now I look stupid!
- Shut up, Dale. -
Yo! This is the end of season one already?
- We just got here! - Yeah, cuz.
Shit's donezo.
We flying south till season two.
Well, if I get back, and it's not certified fresh
on Rotten Tomatoes, I'm gonna be heated.
I'm gonna be pissed.
I'm gonna be heated up, pissed. You feel me?
Chirp.