♪ ♪
[Cerise] Mm, morning, Big Head.
Good morning, indeed.
Ey, I got to say, Cerise,
last night was the best collab of all time.
- [chimes] - Mm, you look so fire.
Let me screenshot.
Ooh.
Gram me like one of your old moms.
[chuckles]
Yo, did homeboy fuck his phone last night?
You know what, boo?
I feel so good,
I think it's time for a little morning montage.
- Skrrt! - [♪ Miles Wesley: "Neighborhood"]
♪ We packin' Diamond Pistols...
[chuckles]
Whoo!
♪ I'm poppin' bottles, I went Hollywood...
Ain't y'all supposed to be the athletes in the fam, fam?
♪ Yeah, motherfucker, yeah ♪
- Tart lyfe! - ♪ Ay ♪
♪ They mad I made it out the neighborhood...
Ey, Disco!
Phyly Phyl, how we livin'?
[chimes]
Oh, yeah.
Ey, Trumanji is back, baby...
Oh, my fucking God!
- Fire! - [sirens blaring]
♪ Oh... ♪
- ♪ Waitin' for the... ♪ - ♪ Drop ♪
- ♪ Waitin' for... ♪ - ♪ The drop ♪
- ♪ Waitin' for the ♪ - ♪ Oh... ♪
♪ Waitin' for the ♪♪
Ey, yo, what the fuck just happened?
I know our school is lit,
but this shit is Michelle Obama level hot.
[all gasping]
[Dale] Man, I can't believe someone torched
the gender-neutral bathroom last night.
Who do you think did it?
Wait, yo, yo, yo! Check it.
Unfairfactz just posted a wild blind item about it on Insta.
[Truman] Damn. For real?
When did Fairfax go straight up CW in this bitch?
Dawg, Unfairfactz is the hottest new blind gossip account
- on the Gram. - Nobody knows who runs it,
- but it's already the most - [exclaiming]
trustworthy source of untrustworthy tea.
- [Benny] Oh! - [Truman] Yo, I knew it was him.
♪ ♪
Derica Stratton-Torres,
my office. Now.
[oohing]
Whatever it is, I'm innocent!
Get out your phones, someone go live!
#FreeDerica.
Let's get it trending, people.
Ey, yo, Truman.
Let me holler at you right quick.
P-dubs, for the last time,
I'm not following you on Spotify.
Oh, th-this ain't about all that.
[chuckles]
Now, look,
due to last night's incident,
we'll be having an emergency fire safety assembly
at the end of the day.
Unfortunately, the fire safety video
- hasn't aged particularly well. - [Truman] Hold up.
How does fire safety age poorly?
Hey, little kids, I'm Kevin Spacey.
[inhales sharply] Okay, what about the one before that?
Hi, little kids, I'm Woody Allen.
Uh, say no more, fam. We good.
That's why I need you to make me a fire fire safety video.
Ooh, I'm honored, Weston,
but I'll need my gang gang, full franchise rights
and a red carpet premiere before the assembly.
- Deal. - [person screams]
[camera clicking]
All right, now one for Westy's feed.
Everybody say "guilty."
Guilty of what?
That's the million-dollar question.
One of y'all is a murderer...
[gasping]
...of my reputation.
- Are you serious? - Girl, please. - This is slander.
The rebel.
Whoops. [chuckles]
That's me and the missus in Cabo.
The rebel.
The drama queen.
Cody's girlfriend.
And the new girl.
Y'all were the last four kids at the school yesterday,
and Carl the janitor placed y'all
near or around the gender-neutral bathroom
at the approximate time of the crime.
- Is this a joke? - What?
I want my lawyer.
I'm sorry, but I find fires to be extremely homophobic.
Stop calling things homophobic just to confuse me,
'cause it does.
Damn kids giving me a headache.
[gulps]
One of y'all
lit a fire in the trash can
of the gender-neutral bathroom last night.
And whoever it was used a Pussy Hat Pink Girlbossier lipstick
to write "Weston is a binch" on the bathroom mirror!
[laughter]
Are you serious?
What? Is "binch" funny?
Is it worse than a bitch?
I said, is it worse than bitch? Answer me!
[stifled laughter]
Fine, you want to do this the hard way?
Come with me.
Gentlemen, this fire safety video is gonna be my legacy.
The hottest directors cut their teeth
making instructional films.
Jordan Peele got his start
making creepy-as-fuck CPR videos.
Facts. That's canon.
Future Fairfax kings and queens
are gonna watch our video when they accidentally
blow their hands off, recharging their vape pens.
- All right. - Yes.
Dale, my lil' clout scout,
you're on stunts and pyrotechnics.
I need you to bring the heat.
Shh. Kapow.
Doesn't get hotter than this guy right here.
Benny, you're my composer.
I need a blazing soundtrack
to bring out the unbridled danger
- of these roaring flames. - Dawg,
I got horns, I got woodwinds, I got percussion.
I'm about to go Hans Zimmer up in this bitch.
While you guys work on that shit,
I'm gonna get us the biggest names possible
to make this a guaranteed banger.
I want people talking about our video for the rest of time.
Let's go.
Hands in.
Gang Gang Productions on three.
One, two, three...
[all] Gang Gang Productions!
[imitates air horn]
The library?
But the Wi-Fi is terrible here.
I mean, how long are you gonna keep us in this hellhole?
Until I get some answers.
And if no one comes forward by the end of the school day,
y'all are suspended...
- Okay? - Okay.
...from using your phones in school.
What the fuck?!
- Are you high? - You fucking psycho.
I will sue!
- [door closes] - [ticking]
[groans]
[groans loudly]
[vocalizing]
Oh, come on already, Derica.
Fess up, so we can get out of here.
What, me?
What about you, you spirit chair sociopath?
Everyone knows I haven't used a school bathroom in years.
Oh.
So you just hold it in, like a camel?
I'm sorry, who are you?
Jennifer. New girl.
Transferred from Our Lady of Gaga Prep in Sacramento.
Parents work for the government.
I signed a thick NDA.
Can't really talk about it.
Mm.
Lily's got a point, Derica.
This type of activist vandalism has your name spray-painted
all over it!
Really, Jules?
Coming from the guy who lives for drama?
What's my motive? Hmm?
All I know is that I need to get out of here ASAP,
because it's my second Prankiversary with Cody,
and I cannot miss it.
Cute little white girl say what?
Prankiversary, duh.
It's a celebration of the first time he pranked me.
[magical chiming]
We had just started dating,
and he shaved my eyebrows off
while I was sleeping.
[screams]
Every year, he celebrates
by pranking me super, super hard.
Ooh, check it.
This Unfairfactz poll
says 72% of people
think Derica is guilty.
That has got to count for something.
They were right about Tommy G
when he was using imitation crab in his hand rolls,
and they're right about you.
Oh, eat shit, spirit chair.
At Our Lady of Gaga,
when we needed to settle a disagreement,
we either had a dance-off or a mock trial.
Yes! I love mock trials!
Oh, wait, no, I'm thinking of mock turtlenecks.
[Truman] All right.
Pyrotechnics, how we doing?
Ready to rock, Tru.
Got my flint, kindling,
Duraflame Latrine log,
and a little fire extingy,
just in case this pup gets out of control.
There we go, D-Money.
Benny, where we at with my symphony, playboy?
Yo, check it out.
I got the best 12-year-old orchestra
money can buy: the Fairfax Middle Philharmonic.
[plays off-key note]
Beautiful.
Now all I need is my star.
['Manda] Don't fret.
'Manda's here
and totally not losing it
without her mean gay to base her personality on.
[chuckles]
Yo, what happened to Jules?
His agents said he's in detention, so we had to pivot.
Places, people.
All right, we are stopping, dropping
and rolling.
Action.
♪ ♪
This court is now in session.
[pounding]
Ooh, I always wanted to say that.
Derica Stratton-Torres, aka @tacoboutchange,
is it true that the lipstick used at the scene of the crime
is from your discontinued line of Girlbossier lipsticks?
[Derica] Yeah.
So? I wouldn't be caught dead
repping that virtue-signaling faux-feminist brand now.
Cut the lip-shtick.
Why were you at school so late last night?
I was waiting for kayak traffic to die down, obviously.
Oh, really, that's, uh, interesting,
because according to your sosh meed feed
you posted that you were planning to
#SlayTheFoundation.
Ooh!
This is so good, I'm gonna grab me some SkinnyPop
and cuddle up with an Hermès blankie.
No, I was literally slaying my foundation.
It's for my anti-makeup makeup tutorials that I've been posting
to raise awareness for natural beauty.
- Stay woke. - [Jules] Shit.
"Dareeca's" telling the truth.
What's up, it's your girl Derica.
So today, we're gonna...
Whoa, whoa, wait, wait. Pause the video.
...slay your foundation.
[gasps] That looks like New Girl.
Hey, w-what did you say your name was?
Jessica.
Jennifer.
Hmm?
"JP plus HJC"?
Hyung-Joon Cho...
Oh, my God! [gasps]
You're Jennifer, from Benny's church.
Yo, this psycho lying binch is from the Upside Down.
She definitely did it.
Oh, no, I'm ablaze!
What do I do?!
[Dale grunts]
Gah, some of your best work yet, Tru.
The fire, the music, it all pops.
- Hmm. - [phone dings]
Damn it.
This vid is all sizzle and no steak.
Yo, if this is gonna be our legacy, we got to go bigger.
Say no more, fam.
We 'bout to turn this lil' fire safety film
into a four-quadrant tentpole.
Ey, dawg, remember that favor you owe me?
Well, slap some rosin on that bow, 'cause I'm cashing in.
Jennifer Park,
is it true you pretended to be a Spectrum repairman
so you could set up hidden cameras
in Benny's room last April?
Yeah, and I'd do it again in a heartbeat.
Talk about peak TV.
God, that's hot.
I wish someone would Fatal Attraction me.
Why were you at school last night?!
You don't even go here!
I transferred yesterday.
I had orientation.
I came to pick up my class schedule.
Okay, stalkerazzi.
Then how do you explain this?
[Jules] Looks like somebody
enjoys crafting the occasional fire post.
Maybe a little too much?
That doesn't prove anything.
Oh, let me guess:
you burned down your last school, too?
[door opens]
[smacks lips] I'm sorry.
Y'all know where Principal Weston is?
Boo wanted to have a drink before Truman's premiere thingy.
[all] Try the theater!
Why would I do this?
I didn't even meet this sad, bald man until yesterday.
And I certainly didn't hate him until he put me in detention.
I just... [sighs]
Listen, I can't get in trouble on my first day.
My parents will ship me to Palo Alto
and force me to get a coding job at Google.
I think she's telling the truth.
I-I would know.
I'm a raging thespian.
I lie professionally every day.
All right, Judge Julesy, if you love drama so much,
why don't you take the hot seat?
Unlike the skeletons in your closet,
I have nothing to hide.
I was born without a closet.
And then I built a new one and redecorated it.
Chic, bitch.
Got to be honest, Jules,
I'm a big fan of your podcast.
Yeah, you and the other 53 Talking Sondheim subscribers.
So, I was listening to one of your riveting episodes,
and I couldn't help but notice that you said
some pretty mean stuff
about Principal Weston.
Like "ready to torch a bathroom" mean!
♪ ♪
It's not my fault he refused to let me direct-slash-star
in a genderbent version of Annie!
Wait, isn't that just Oliver?
You bite your tongue.
Genderblind casting is the future.
Besides, any real ones know I only write in cursive.
It's the only font that openly identifies as queer.
So, it couldn't have been me.
See?
[gasps] The handwriting doesn't match.
By the way, bitch, your shoe's untied.
Oh.
[chuckles]
[Jennifer] Hey!
I know that ugly anklet.
[typing]
Missing something,
Spirit Binch?
[gasps]
Le scandale.
♪ ♪
[skateboard approaching]
♪ Joaquin ♪♪
There he is!
Joaquin-Bean! Baby!
Yo, thanks so much for doing this.
Hey, I'm humbled to be here, Truman.
I mean, as soon as I read the script,
I knew Safety Instructor #1 was the role of a lifetime.
'Manda, I hate to do this,
but you been bumped, baby.
I'm crushed.
But also used to it.
Truman, I want you to meet Michael Babcock.
He hangs around Oy Vape sometimes
and did the pyro stunts for Chicago Fire.
They call me Icarus,
'cause I fly too close to the sun.
Welcome aboard, Icarus.
'Ey, yo, yo, yo! We got Yo-Yo!
And... wait for it...
[engine revving]
- [tires screech] - ♪ Yeah ♪
♪ Pluto ♪♪
- What? Bro! - No way!
[Benny] ...Future!
Yo-Yo, hit this shit, you'll win a Grammy.
- Trust. - Bitch, I already have, like, 20.
[phone chimes]
[Truman] "Fire safety the next big franchise?"
[chuckles] Now that's legacy.
So, tell me,
what was your cringe-ass prank charm
doing at the scene of the crime?
Huh? Huh?!
[chuckles] I don't know.
[stammers] I was in a spirit chair meeting.
And then I went over to Cody's
to celebrate our Prankiversary Eve.
Like, what? Duh.
Oh, that's funny.
Because, according to Cody's TikTok,
he was alone last night.
Ladies and gentlemen,
I think we found our culprit!
Stop being such a binch, Derica.
You want the binch?
You can't handle the binch!
I was pooping, okay?!
- [gasps] - W...
I get really bad anxiety poos!
I'm always stressing because I don't know
what stupid prank Cody's gonna pull next.
I live in a constant state of fear, and I am sick of it!
Yes, I was in the bathroom pooping.
But I swear I didn't do it. I didn't!
Damn! This is some real-ass shit.
Please don't tell anyone.
This could ruin me.
But if none of us did it,
who did?
[sighs] I guess that means we're all losing our phones.
[chuckles] And we're gonna have to, like...
[sputters] pay attention in class now.
Now how am I supposed to track Benny's every single move?
At least old Librarian Larsen
isn't bugging us in our final hours
with her stank-ass kombucha breath.
Mm, binch thinks she's being so sneaky
with that mini fridge under her desk.
- [chuckles] - We all know you got a problem, girl!
[gasps]
What do you think you're doing?
If we're going down, we might as well get down.
♪ ♪
[chuckles]
[♪ Nik Ammar & Huxley Ware: "Is It Really Coming Round"]
♪ Whoa ♪
♪ Is it really coming round? ♪
[muffled chuckling]
- [laughing] - [squealing]
- [whoops] - [gasping]
♪ ♪
♪ Whoa ♪
♪ Is it really coming round? ♪
- ♪ Oh ♪ - You guys want to know who killed Jeffrey Epstein?
- Yeah! - Oh! - ♪ Is it really ♪
♪ Coming round? ♪♪
♪ Yo, yo ♪
♪ ♪
♪ Hey-yo ♪
['Manda] Help, help, help, help, help, help!
♪ Dance for me ♪
♪ Yo, yo ♪
[shouting]
[gasping]
[screaming]
♪ Fortress...
Did we just...
Make a video promoting fire?
[groans] Damn, bro!
Soy... [belches, grunts]
binch to binch,
why'd you really switch schools?
Cheating scandal? Drugs?
Ooh, were you toxically and systematically bullied?
Actually,
- I did the bullying. - [gasping]
I was expelled for reverse Whiplashing my music teacher.
In my defense though, he wasn't pushing me hard enough.
That is the most bad binch thing I've ever heard.
AOC is shaking.
Everyone at my old school thought I was crazy. I just...
I didn't want to come into this school with the same rep.
It's... it's hard enough to make friends. [sighs]
Especially when you're better than everyone.
Then it's time for a clean slate.
- Oh, my God. She's gonna do it. Do it, do it. [gasps] - [gasps] Yes. Yes.
- Do it, do it, do it, do it, do it, do it, do it, do it, do it. - I burn my Insta to the ground.
A new Jennifer rises from the ashes.
'Kay, she is terrifying.
In the best way. We stan.
Honestly... [chuckles] I just...
I can't believe I told y'all that I shit like a goose.
- [giggles] - Girl, you got to do what's best for number one.
Even if that means going number two.
Things with Cody are just so complicated.
A-And people only see me as one half of this perfect couple
that I don't even want to be in anymore.
Without Cody and the Triangle, what's my brand?
I'm nothing without him.
Hey. That's not true.
You're way more than that.
I'm sorry I was such an accusatory binch earlier.
[sighs] The truth is,
I wasn't waiting for kayak traffic to die down.
I was crying in the chem lab.
Oh, my gosh. Derica.
Between Melody and being a Derewolf
and being coopted by an evil corporation,
I just needed a good cry.
And, look, I love my gang gang-- I do--
but it's super hard opening up to a bunch of boys.
No offense, Jules.
Don't you dare label me.
I know my brand is strength and kick-ass activism,
but sometimes I don't feel very strong.
Sometimes I just want to be vulnerable.
Wait. Uh-uh, why am I sharing this?
Because we're friggin' friends.
We're totally friends.
[Jules] I also have a confession to make.
I have a standing appointment
with the school guidance counselor.
And it's not because he's hot.
That's why I was at school.
He helps me work through the fact that...
[gasps]
...I have no drama at home.
- [gasps] Aw! - [gasps] Aw!
It's like my parents are soy happy together
and they're sor supportive.
Uh, it's why I'm so hard on 'Manda.
She gives me my daily dose of vitamin D
that I need to stay cah-linically quenched.
I don't fully understand the problem, but I'm here for you.
[sobs] My mom is so freakin' perfect.
[sobs] It kills me.
The worst thing I can say
is that she's addicted to Advil.
[scoffs] Yeah. It's like, girl, at least use Ambien
and hide it in an Advil bottle!
That's it!
O-M-G!
You guys!
I know who did it.
- [Truman sighs deeply] - [phone chimes]
[grumbles]
Ugh, the premiere is in 30 minutes and I got nothing.
My legacy is up in flames, and I was just getting started.
Look, Truman, as a scout,
you know how important fire safety is to me.
You can still do this.
You just got to show people fire's not lit.
Dale's right, dawg.
Fuck the press and that legacy shit.
Just go back to making your movie.
You're right, bro.
I thought I was ready for big budgets, but I'm not.
Even Ryan Coogler had to make Fruitvale Station
before Marvel gave him Black Panther.
'Ey, you guys got one more take in you?
[snoring]
Oh! Oh. Oh, well, lookee here.
Question of the hour:
which one of y'all did it?
[all] You did!
Say wha?
Break it down for him, binches.
[inhales deeply] The Advil you keep popping is actually Ambien.
Your wife switched 'em out because you prefer
the blue bottle, but you forgot you're actually taking Ambien,
which explains why you don't have any recollection
of what happened last night.
Oh, I actually still have some breath left.
[exhales]
Girl, that is the craziest
- bunch of... - [Jennifer] Furthermore,
when your wife came into the library looking for you,
she was wearing Pussy Hat Pink Girlbossier lipstick,
the same shade
found on the bathroom mirror!
[gasps] Now, hold on just a second...
Also, the photo you posted at approximately 7:49 p.m.
of you on the hood
of your Chrysler Sebring was geotagged
from the gender-neutral bathroom
in question.
[gasps]
- But-but-but... - [Derica] And, finally,
the smoking gun:
the book on your desk.
Looks like "binch" has more than one meaning today:
"bitch," "friend"
- and "Businessman In Charge"! - Oh!
[Derica] You got drunk on Ambien last night,
stumbled into the gender-neutral bathroom,
wrote on the mirror with your wife's lipstick
and torched the place.
Any questions?
♪ ♪
How much y'all want to stay silent?
- [whooping] - [Lily] High five!
[Jules] Bye, binch! Yes!
♪ ♪
[indistinct chatter]
D! Our registered felon.
'Ey, saved you a seat. We missed you today.
Aw, and I missed my gang gang.
But I'm gonna sit with some new friends I made today.
Hold on, new friends? The fuck?
Don't trip. I'll see you in, like, three minutes.
- Hey! - [giggling]
♪ ♪
Hi there! I'm Hypy the Hypebeast,
and I'm hyped to teach you about fire.
Grr, I'm Fire!
Woo...!
- Aah! - You know what's not fire?
An out of control fire.
Careful there, flame,
'cause I'm 'bout to 'stinguish your ass.
Hey, Fireman Benny, hit me with a beat!
♪ ♪
[yelps]
Oh, no!
I'm melting!
Goddamn you,
Hypy and your super safe ways.
- [groans] - Ha. And remember, kids,
fire is not lit.
No animals, minerals or vegetables
were harmed in the making
of this fire safety video.
[cheering and applause]
It's your moment, dawg! Get up there!
[chuckles] Yeah! Give these thirsty stans what they want!
Oh, my God, I-I want to thank all the people
and all the fires everywhere.
Major shout to the one who inspired me
to give directing another shot--
my support system for life,
my everything--
my girlfriend, Cerise!
- [gasping] - What the fuck?! - What the heck?
Oh, come on!
Did you guys know he was back with Cerise?
I mean,
it's definitely fucked-up that he didn't thank us.
But, hey, people be dating AIs.
I don't know what Siri looks like,
but her voice gives me butterflies.
Hey, do you think she's listening to us
when we masturba... [chuckles] Hey!
- Truman! There he is! - Hey! - There's my man.
- [Derica] My boy! - That was crazy! - Hey, skank breath.
- Look, I'm sorry I'm so hard on you, but... - ['Manda] Shut up!
Just shut up.
You had me at "skank breath."
So then I say to Padma,
"Thanks to me, you..." Oh, babe! There you are!
We need to talk, Cody.
I am sick of the pranks, and I am sick of the stupid Triangle.
I don't need you or your cringe clout anymore.
I am gonna go find my own brand!
- Huh? - What don't you get?
Dating you was my charitable component.
We're through!
Happy Prankiversary, ya binch.
Oh, my dick!
Babe. Babe, th-that was a prank, right?
Right?
Whoa. Lily dumped Cody?
[sniffing]
[gasps]
Hi, Hyung-Joon.
- [whimpers] - Ooh, guess what.
I go here now.
And I hacked the school database, so...
[chuckles] I'm in all your classes.
[whimpers] Jesus Christ!
[dictating]
♪ The block is hot ♪
♪ The block is hot ♪♪
Chirp.