[narrator] Two fashion houses,
both alike in litness,
in Fairfax, where we lay our scene.
From ancient beef break to new drop mutiny,
where clap-backs make hype hands unclean.
From forth the fatal flexes of these two foes,
one gang gang stands
at the friendship crossroads.
The which, if you patient streamers watch,
Latrine and Off-Brian's beef shall squash.
Aka the block will never be the same!
The gang gang is donezo, mothafuckas! Deadass!
Shit is about to get crazy!
[squawking]
♪ Oh... ♪
- ♪ Waitin' for the... ♪ - ♪ Drop ♪
- ♪ Waitin' for... ♪ - ♪ The drop ♪
- ♪ Waitin' for the ♪ - ♪ Oh... ♪
♪ Waitin' for the ♪♪
[thunder crashes]
So you say you want to take down Latrine.
Well, why should I listen
to a 13-year-old and his cracked tablet?
She's my girlfriend, and my Latrine-loving crew
tried to murder her.
We're gonna squeeze 'em like a grapefruit.
Mm, I fuckin' hate grapefruits.
The worst of the citrii.
- You guys want some light in here? - Terry!
We would've turned the lights on
if we wanted the fucking lights on, Terry!
- Yeah. - All right, sorry, Mrs. Moody-pants.
Now, what did you have in mind?
You want to win this fashion war,
you start with the kids.
You get the kids... you get Fairfax.
- [all laughing] - [thunder crashes]
- [student] Eat shit, Benny! - Uh, hey?
You guys get the feeling that everybody's
talking shit about us?
[sighs] Everyone but Lily.
She won't even look at me.
It's like I traded in my Scout sash
for a scarlet letter.
I've been texting Tru all weekend.
Homie won't even throw me a read receipt.
Nah, D, fuck all that.
He should be texting us!
If he wants to listen to his A.I. girlfriend
over his gang gang,
then he's not the bruh I thought he was.
Have you guys seen him?
'Cause he wasn't in Honors Lit.
[kids clamoring]
What's up, Fairfax Middle!
Here at Off-Brian, we continue the tradish
of reading your fucking minds
and changing the fucking game!
Which is why we're infusing some swag
into this boring-ass school
with Off-Brian uniforms!
[kids cheering]
Or shall I say, "Truniforms"?
♪ Yo, yo...
[all] No fucking way.
- ♪ Welcome to the party ♪ - [cheering and clamoring]
Br-Br-Br-Br-Brian!
You heard 'em, fam, this school is
officially an Off-Brian joint! [whooping]
♪ Yo, yo ♪♪
[school bell rings]
Man, fuck these bunk-ass Truniforms!
Yeah, seriously, who needs this many pockets
- when you have a fanny? - [Weston] What'd I say, Kip?!
You wear the red, you wind up dead.
- Carl, take him away. - [muffled shouting]
This shit ain't fashion, it's fascism!
This can't be right.
The Truman we know wouldn't do this.
The Truman you know is dead, Dale!
He's taking Brian's side to fuck with us.
- D, my anarchy guru. - Hit me.
- It's time to activate the hive! - Viva la revolución!
[Rasmussen] Left, left, left,
right, left, left.
Guys, guys! Over here!
Last time I checked, our mascot is the Hypebeasts!
Flexing is in our blood!
Why should we listen to a bunch of murderers?!
'Cause this is how it starts, guys!
Next thing you know, we're singing
the Pledge of Allegiance to Brian
before we take our standardized Brian tests
so we can get into goddamn Brian college!
Damn straight!
Fairfax was founded on one name.
Hiroki Hassan.
And I plan on dripping in Latrine
until I drop. Now who's with me?!
- Me! - [cheering]
There they are!
It's the fuzz!
Yeah!
[all clamoring]
[shouting]
[all clamoring]
Aah!
[screams] What the fuck?
- [panting] - [grunting]
I got Dale!
- Over here! - [coughing]
Lily, how could you?
Get off my boy, Spirit Chair!
- [grunts] Ow! - Dale!
This way!
Oh, no, you don't.
[all panting]
We're cornered!
I got an idea.
[exhales]
[grunts]
[all panting]
Whoa, the fuck is this place?
Weston's Parasite room.
For whenever he needs to fake his own death.
Or take a nap.
Yo, this whole thing stinks of Cerise.
She is playing his ass.
We got to show Truman
what really happened the night of the dance.
How are we supposed to do that, D?
I don't know yet. I need to access her memories.
It's the only way to get the gang gang back together.
Look, I'm all for taking down Cerise,
but if I don't help Hiroki win this war,
pretty soon the whole block is gonna be Off-Brian!
So here's what I'm thinking.
- What the...? - First we unleash a bunch
of mosquitos, everybody getting bit.
[gasps]
[Lily] "My dearest Dale, meet me at the Fairfax Forever Cemetery.
Midnight. I know it's past
our bedtime, but it's supes important.
Don't tell anyone, not even your dad.
XOXO, Lily."
[Benny] You're coming with me, right, Dale?
[grunting]
I'm totally with you. [swallows]
Maybe I can do a little late-night recon.
See what's poppin' in the streets.
A'ight, we got our game plan.
Derica's gonna take down the psycho Roomba.
Fuck yeah, I am!
- Dale's gonna do some recon. - Dang straight.
And I'm gonna help Hiroki save his empire.
Let's fucking go!
♪ ♪
Sire.
There's a little fat boy here
at the gate to see you.
- Hiroki, it's me! Let me in! - [lock buzzes]
Hiroki, the school has been taken by Off-Brian.
Latrine's under attack.
I know! I'm doing the best I can.
But Off-Brian's army is growing by the drop.
They've already taken Don Pardo's and Cold Brewjeria.
Use me, Hiroki, let me help you or some shit!
What do you have in mind, Cool Ranch?
I have a clap-back that is gonna send Off-Brian
and Truman packing to Payless.
[laughs] Tronté...
pull up a mini throne and a cape for the boy.
[grunting]
- [sighs] - [phone chimes, buzzes]
[gasps] Bingo!
[owl hooting]
Psst! Lily!
[gasps] Dale? Oh, my God.
I'm so sorry that I ratted you out.
I wanted to tell you, but my dad's a lieutenant hench
for Off-Brian, and I couldn't let word get to him
that I'm soft on Latrine.
F your dad! There's a place for you at Latrine.
Come with me and we can be together forever.
Deny thy father, and refuse Off-Brian?
Yeah. Wait, why are you talking like that?
Sorry, we have this big Romeo and Juliet essay
due on Tuesday, so it's just been on my mind.
- And prose is hot. - I doth agree.
Thou art hot AF.
Then only one question remains.
To French...
or not to French?
[Off-Brian stan] Oi!
Who goes there and shit?
Dale, hide!
I'm with Off-Brian!
Just, uh... doing a little late-night tagging.
[laughs] Live free, Bri hard!
O-Okay, sounds legit.
[phone chimes]
It's too dangerous here. I have to go.
When will I see you again?
I'll send word via carrier pigeon.
Take this to remember me by.
I'll see you soon, my fair Lillith.
[panting]
[bell jingles]
Hello there, would you like to try
a flight of jelly samplers?
Have you seen this Kangol-clad man?
[gasps] Jacquomo!
There's someone here to see you!
Wait, are you Chet?
Chet is dead.
I'm Jacquomo now.
How the hell did you find me?
I'm here to hunt a catfish.
A really big catfish.
Listen, I'm sorry, I can't help you.
My Big Juice days are behind me.
I'm an artisanal jelly-smith now.
Cerise framed me for murder
and she brainwashed my friend Truman.
Truman? He's in danger?
Yes, jelly man!
And I need you to help me access her hard drive,
so I can show Truman how evil she really is.
And save him from a life of being A.I. arm candy.
Oh my God, Uli, ready the tech!
And bring me a thousand apricots!
♪ Yo, Brian ain't a thing ♪
♪ Ha-ha-ha, Brian ain't a thing ♪
♪ Yo, yo, Brian ain't, Br-Br-Brian ain't a thing...
Benny worked with the Safdie bros before me?
He hasn't even seen Good Time.
He's just an Uncut Gems bandwagon ho!
"Brian Ain't a Thing" is climbing
the Billboard charts as we speak.
People are ditching our line for Latrine.
Goddamn it, these fashionistas are fickle.
We've got to respond.
Hey, hon, any way I could get the living room to myself?
Game's on, and I got a couple fellas
- from Home Theater coming over... - [growling]
- Oh! - Someone tell this Geek Squad bitch
to GTFO before I put him
- to sleep for good. - Yeah, Terry!
We're in the middle of a fucking fashion war, you moron.
I'm so sorry, honey.
I thought you were taking the kids to your mother's.
Come on, Tru, I could fuck these guys up in sleep mode.
- Let me at 'em. - Fuck 'em up, boo.
♪ ♪
Look at this punk-ass FedEx delivery boy.
[laughs] You better flap those wings, playboy.
- [pigeon coos] - [Dale coos]
- [Lily] "My Dale-icous Dan-Dale-ion..." - Aah!
- What do we have here? - [gulps]
We've lost Drip N' Save and Yes Anderson,
but I spoke to Phyllis, and Schwimmer's
is still holding strong for Latrine.
Ah, ah, ah, who's the hype-bitch now?
- Ah, ah, ah... - They're hacking the lair!
Hiroki, quick, clear your browser history.
- Goddamn it! - We have a traitor in our midst.
- [Benny] Dale! - He's been conspiring with the enemy, my liege.
[8-bit Brian] Who's the hype-bitch now?
- How could you?! - Benny, I know what you're thinking.
And it's not what it looks like. I was just sexting
with Lily via carrier pigeon.
She's Off-Brian, Dale!
- Please! I just... - We're all making sacrifices
for the war effort, Dale.
Man, what the fuck have you sacrificed?!
Uh-uh, we can use him, Benny.
Let's send him across enemy lines.
Get information from the girl.
I built a back door into Cerise's memory as a fail-safe.
- You'll only have a... - Let me guess.
A few minutes before Cerise detects me?
And her memory is stored in some crazy Matrix-y shrine room?
And once I find the memory, you'll export it
to a super convenient yet very important USB drive?
Good luck.
I'm in.
Yo!
This would be a dope-ass spot for a Rihanna music video.
[panting]
[whirs, clicks]
[Cerise] The gang gang's toast.
Especially after Truman hears
that you tried to murder me.
- Aah! - [Benny] Oh, shit!
Gotcha, binch.
Chet, I found it.
Pull me out.
Hurry! Hurry!
Oh, no! Uli!
- She's onto us! - Oh, my God!
They're here!
[laughing]
You didn't think you were getting away that easy, did you?
- Oh, shit! - [laughs]
Chet, get me the fuck out of here!
[grunting]
Uli! Oh, no!
[sobbing]
Chet? Chet, are you there?!
[Cerise] Chet can't save you now.
He can't even save himself. [laughing]
[Derica] Aah!
Chet?
[grunts]
[screams]
Chet! I mean Jacquomogo... whatever your name is!
You're hurt!
Oh, you did good, kid. [groans]
Will you tell Truman I love...
I-I mean, I-I miss... I mean...
Oh, just say hi to Truman for me, will you?
[gurgles]
[exhales]
[knocking]
Dale?
What, what are you doing here, my sweet,
sweet saltine?
Shh.
- ♪ Don't say you love me... - Oh, fuck!
Benny and Hiroki wanted me to spy on you, but I can't do it!
Gah! I am so sick of this stupid war!
Goddamn it!
♪ Can I believe in something...
Let's run away, Dale.
We could live in the forest. Just think of it.
Camping and composting and birthing a baby deer.
Okay. Let's do it.
Tomorrow morning we leave for good.
Right after I say goodbye to my parents.
Parting is such sweet sorrow.
I'll say good night... till it be morrow.
Wait, forgot to give you one more thing.
- What? - ♪ And I swear ♪
- ♪ I swear ♪ - ♪ By the moon ♪
♪ And the stars in the sky...
Hell yeah, boy! Get some!
Come on! [whoops]
♪ ♪
Bri-jangles! [imitates siren]
- Intruder in sector kitchen! - You! - D?
- What are you doing here? - Cerise lied to you.
And I can prove it! It's all on this flash drive,
- little Roomba ho! - Oh, this thing?
- Whoops. - No!
You motherfucker!
Velcro this prisoner to the basement wall.
Truman, please! You have to believe me!
What in the Sean is going on out here?
What's going on is there's a freakin' mess
you need to clean up.
Hey, Tru, I got a couple of surprises for you.
I think you're gonna like 'em.
How do you like it?
That's a Madagascarian lionfish.
Supes poisonous.
[chuckles] It's amazing, Bri-dog.
Now for the second part of my surprise.
[horn honking]
- Ah, ah, ah... - Hey, Hiroki.
Check this shit out.
[Hiroki] No, no, no!
Is the skate bowl okay?!
Tell me the skate bowl's okay!
All hands on deck, fashion emergency!
To the subcopter!
[whistles]
[indistinct chatter]
Caw-caw!
[racks rifle]
[crowd clamoring]
You know, it's one thing to fuck with a man's brand,
but to fuck with a man's brick and mortar?
Boo-hoo-hoo! Is wittle baby sad about his store?
That's it!
[grunts]
Let's settle this like designers.
Oh, you're on.
But this time the loser
leaves Fairfax... forever.
Oh, you're on, bitch boy.
It's a drop-off!
[♪ Massimo Guadalupi: "Loulou"]
♪ Ooh, Loulou ♪
[singing in French]
Mine eyes doth fulleth
with love, my D-Bone.
And mine belly doth fulleth with hunger.
I'm gonna go see if my net has caught us some brekky.
[gasps] My big boy tent!
I thought I'd never see you again, girl.
♪ ♪
[sighs]
What's wrong, my love?
I can't believe I'm saying this,
but I have to go back to Fairfax.
But we've made a home here.
Plus this mother deer is six centimeters dilated.
- [deer whimpering] - Lily...
I want you to see me not as a boy...
but as a big boy.
And as much as I want to help birth a baby deer with you,
more than anything in the world,
a big boy knows running away from his problems
is no solution, and worse,
it's habit-forming.
My friends need me.
Wait, uh, so what are we?!
[Dale] It's complicated!
- [deer howls] - [baby deer squeals]
Hey, Truman.
Uh, here's that polyester fabric
you asked for.
Polyester wha...?
Oh...
Hey, Tru-boo. Ready for the big day?
We're totally gonna annihilate those stupid Latrine fools.
The gang gang's toast.
Especially after Truman hears that you tried to murder me.
Where did you get that?
They were my best friends.
And you lied to me. How could you?
If you'll just let me explain.
Nah, I should've listened
to my friends from the start.
I-I'm done letting you play with my emotions.
You were my first love, girl.
And I still am.
Nah. Not anymore.
We're donezo.
Come on, Truman, no, don't do this.
Siri, play breakup music.
Siri? How dare you?
[Siri] Playing breakdance music.
- ♪ Here we go on the dance floor ♪ - Jesus fucking Christ, Siri!
No, no, no, what are you doing?
You're gonna regret this, Truman.
- What are you doing? Truman, no. - You're garbage, Cerise.
- Truman! Truman! Truman! - And guess where garbage goes.
- Ugh! Stop it! Get off me! No! - The trash.
♪ On the dance floor, on the dance floor ♪♪
- [panting] - Tru? Tru, is that you?
D, holy shit! Okay.
You were right about Cerise, we have to talk about it,
and I'm-a do your homework until college if you forgive me,
but right now we got to get the fuck up out of here before they
- chloroform our asses! - Then let's fucking go, boy!
Truman, bud.
Had a quick questio...
Uh, Brianna, where's Truman?
[laughs]
You know what I do at my lame-ass
Best Buy job, Brian?
You jerk off to hentai in the bathroom?
I fix shit like flash drives!
That's right, Geek Squad, bitch!
Son of a Bisquick!
Off-Brian stans, assemble.
It's drop-off time.
That was the hottest thing you've ever done.
We're totally gonna have another baby when this is all over.
[indistinct chatter]
Tronté, have you seen Dale?
He's white and... that's it.
God, I love pre-show energy.
What's wrong?
I don't know, I just... I think I took it too far
with Dale, and I kind of miss my...
Gang gang!
What the hell are you doing here?
I came to apologize, dawg. For Cerise.
For the dance. For the uniforms.
For destroying my store!
All of it. I'm so sorry, y'all.
You're my bro for life, Benny.
There's nobody I'd rather collab with, if you'll have me.
I'm sorry I was such a dick.
I guess I was just jealous 'cause everyone was, like,
evolving and hooking up,
and I was feeling left behind.
But you should be with whoever makes you happy.
[sighs] I know it's cornball as fuck,
but gang gang makes me happy.
Aw! You guys!
Well, you know, I was gonna
have Tronté and the henchmen do it, but...
it's only right that my most loyal Dorito winners
walk on Latrine's behest.
- [all clamoring] - So...
- won't you do us the honors? - Yeah, but I got bad news.
The first category's normcore,
and Brian's got Dr. Phil walking.
That traitor! How are we supposed to compete with that?
[Dale] I believe I might be of some assistance.
- [Derica] Yo! Dale! - [Truman] Oh, my God!
Squad's back together.
[all] Let's fucking
build!
[Jules] Twinkle, twinkle, little stars.
This fashion show is for the whole enchilada.
Five rounds, five models,
- five drops. - That's right, Jules.
Hiroki vers' Brian.
Loser leaves town.
Ready, set...
[narrator] Round one.
Dale versus...
Dr. Phil.
♪ Flashing for the cameras, baby...
[narrator] Motherfuckin' glow star attack?!
[shouting]
[narrator] Okay!
- [gasps] - ♪ Flashing for the cameras, baby...
- Dale! - Damn!
[growls]
[narrator] Round two.
Benny versus...
Yung Polluter.
We got Iron Man up in this bitch!
- [screams] - [narrator] Harpoon arm?!
Tillamook got smoked.
Round three: Derica
versus Greta Thunberg.
Save the planet, y'all.
Hyah!
[narrator] Ooh, that's a clout-tality!
- Ha, damn! - Yeah!
[narrator] Round four: Truman versus Brianna.
Uh-oh.
Whoa!
- [Truman grunts] - [others] Truman!
[narrator] Final round.
Hiroki versus Brian.
Come on, Hiroki, flex on these bitches!
[narrator] Serve, bitch!
Oh, this motherfucker!
[winces]
[laughs]
- [Benny] Hiroki! - No!
[growls]
[narrator] Yo! Gang gang!
[all screaming]
Yo, yo-yo-yo-yo! This is crazy!
[all grunt]
And the winner
of the Fairfax Drop-Off is...
Off-Brian!
[all gasp]
- No! - This isn't happening!
This isn't how it's supposed to be!
[sing-songy] Nana, nana, poo-poo.
I win, you lose.
Blacklisted for life.
I'm proud of you, Brian.
You really thought outside the box tee.
The block is yours.
Fare thee well, my sweet Fairfax.
I can't believe this.
He's really going.
[crowd sobbing]
[Brian] Wait.
Hiroki, stop.
[sighs]
You are Fairfax.
All I've ever wanted was for you to collab with me
or, or think one of my ideas was cool.
Truth is, henching for you
were some of the best years of my life.
You're the reason I put shoes on the patio chair, man.
And if you just...
Shut up.
Just shut up.
You had me at "collab."
So, what do you say?
Want to do this thing?
Me and you? Off-Brian and Latrine?
You want to collab for real?
Style comes and goes.
But friendship lasts forever.
[crowd cheering]
- [clamoring] - No way.
And lo!
The balance hath been restored
in ye olde Fairfax.
Stop talking in stanzas, pidge!
You confusing me! But yeah.
Shit's back to normal, so we all good.
[phones chiming]
What the f...?
You think you know fashion?
I'm going to show you the future of fashion.
Because you can't spell "Fairfax"
without "A-I."
Introducing... Cerise.
By Cerise.
Oh, shit.
- Truman! - Truman?
What the fuck did you do, dawg?
♪ The block is hot ♪
♪ ♪
♪ The block is hot ♪
♪ ♪
♪ The block is hot ♪
♪ ♪
♪ The block is hot ♪♪
Chirp.