- WAH-TAH! HUH!
YA!
male announcer: AND NOW...
Dreamwork's Kung Fu Panda
Legends of Awesomeness
- * HEAR THE LEGENDS OF THE KUNG FU PANDA *
* DOONG, DOONG, DOONG, DOONG, DOONG-BOWNG, DOO-BOOM-BOOM *
* RAISED IN A NOODLE SHOP
* NEVER SEEKING GLORY OR FAME *
* HE CLIMBED A MOUNTAINTOP
* AND EARNED THE DRAGON WARRIOR NAME *
HOO! AH! YAH!
* KUNG FU PANDA
* DOONG, DA-DOONG, DOONG, SHU-GONG, DA-DOONG, DOONG *
* MASTER SHIFU SAW THE WARRIOR BLOSSOM *
* AND MASTER THE SKILLS OF BODACIOUS AND AWESOME *
* KUNG FU PANDA
* DOONG, DA-DOONG, DOONG-DOONG, DA-DOONG, DA-DA-DOONG *
* HE LIVES, AND HE TRAINS *
* AND HE FIGHTS WITH THE FURIOUS FIVE *
* PROTECT THE VALLEY SOMETHIN', SOMETHIN' *
* SOMETHIN', SOMETHIN' ALIVE *
OOH, AH, OOH!
* KUNG FU PANDA
* LEGENDS OF AWESOMENESS
SWEET.
- COME ON, MANTIS. YOU HAVE TO EAT SOMETHING.
- [sighs] I CAN'T.
MY STOMACH FEELS LIKE I'VE BEEN DRINKING
FROM THE CUP OF HEARTBREAK AND SORROW.
[sighs]
- DID YOU TRY SALT?
- IT'S NOT THAT.
MANTIS' GIRLFRIEND DUMPED HIM, AND NOW HE WON'T EAT.
- [sighs]
SHE WAS THE MOST BEAUTIFUL CATERPILLAR YOU EVER SAW.
THEN ONE DAY, POOF! SHE BECOMES A BUTTERFLY.
NOW IT'S LIKE I DON'T EVEN KNOW HER.
- ROMANTIC ENTANGLEMENTS UPSET ONE'S CHI.
THAT'S WHY I AVOID THEM.
- YEAH, THAT'S THE REASON.
- [chuckling] OH, MAN-TIS, YOU GOT TO EAT.
NO EAT-Y, NO ENERGY. NO ENERGY, NO TRAIN-Y.
NO TRAIN-Y, NO--
- WHY-Y ARE YOU-Y TALKING LIKE THAT-Y?
- BECAUSE IT'S ADORABLE?
OOH!
I KNOW JUST THE DISH TO SOOTHE YOUR TINY BROKEN HEART.
WHA-TAH! HOO-AH!
NEED A FEW BEAN PASTE DUMPLINGS, LIBERAL PORTION OF HONEY,
SOME STICKY PLUM SAUCE, EXTRA STICKY,
AND MY OWN SUPERSECRET INGREDIENT...
- ISN'T THAT WHAT WE PATCH WALLS WITH?
- SO?
NOW WE PATCH A BROKEN HEART.
NOW WE JUST GIVE IT A GOOD STIR, AND VOILA!
PO'S FAMOUS STICKY DUMPLINGS.
TRY ONE, MANTIS.
- THANKS, PO.
OOF!
[muffled] I SEEM TO BE STUCK ON YOUR DUMPLING.
- OOPS. [chuckles]
GUESS I KIND OF WENT OVERBOARD WITH THE STICKY.
- [grunting]
NOT...AS MUCH FUN... AS IT LOOKS!
[grunts]
- THIS IS RIDICULOUS.
HERE.
[both grunting]
- PULL!
PULL!
[loud crash]
- UH...
- MEALTIME IS OVER.
LET'S TRAIN.
- UH, BUT-- BUT I JUST MADE--
I MEAN, IT SEEMS LIKE A SHAME TO WASTE THE--AND--
UH, MAYBE I'LL JUST...
[screams]
- PO!
[stammers]
[gulps]
[chains jangling]
- [sighs]
- EXCELLENT.
NOW, PO, I--
[gasps]
PANDA, ARE YOU EATING IN HERE?
- [chewing loudly]
[swallows]
NO.
- WE HAVE RULES ABOUT EATING IN THE TRAINING HALL.
- IS ONE OF THEM THAT WE SHOULD?
- [sighs]
THAT'S ENOUGH TRAINING FOR TODAY.
YOU'RE DISMISSED.
EXCEPT FOR YOU, DRAGON WARRIOR.
I HAVE A SPECIAL MISSION FOR YOU.
- AH. YOU GUYS GO ON.
SPECIAL MISSION.
- I WOULD LIKE THE DRAGON WARRIOR...
- YES?
- TO CLEAN THE ENTIRE TRAINING HALL BY SUNSET.
- HUH?
[groans]
BUT, MASTER SHIFU, YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND.
I WAS GONNA...
- YES?
- I GOT NOTHIN',
SO I THOUGHT I'D JUST TRAIL OFF LIKE THAT.
- GOOD DECISION.
NOW GET TO WORK, AND TAKE CARE.
THIS TRAINING HALL IS A HALLOWED AND SPECIAL PLACE.
[sleepy flute music]
- [swallowing]
BUT FIRST, A LITTLE DRAGON WARRIOR ACTION.
HIY--OH!
AH, STUCK!
THE STICKY DUMPLINGS.
MIGHT HAVE MADE 'EM A BIT TOO STICKY.
[grunting]
KEE-YAH!
[grunts]
NO!
OOF!
[chain jangling]
UH-OH.
[stammering]
AH! OW!
AH!
OH-HOO!
HUH?
THE DUMPLINGS!
AH!
OH, NO, THE WHOLE PLACE!
NOOOO!
AH!
[cogs grinding]
AH!
[wood creaking]
UH, I BROKE THE TRAINING HALL.
THAT'S...KIND OF IMPRESSIVE
AND AWFUL.
I GOT TO FIX THIS BEFORE SHIFU FINDS OUT.
[grunting] ALMOST.
I'VE JUST GOT TO...WANT IT.
HERE WE GO NOW.
[grunting[ FEEL THE THUNDER.
YEAH, FEEL THE THUNDER.
OOF!
YOU!
I HOPE YOU'RE HAPPY, STICKY DUMPLING.
THIS IS ALL YOUR FAULT!
OH, I CAN'T STAY MAD AT YOU.
[gulps]
[gasps] WHAT'S THIS?
THEY MUST HAVE MADE THE TRAINING HALL.
THAT'S SHIFU'S MARK, AND THAT'S TAOTIE.
[gasps] I'LL GET HIM TO FIX THE HALL!
HEY, SOMEONE COULD TRIP OVER THIS.
[rattling sound]
[sharp chinking sound]
AH!
[wire whipping]
WHOA, THAT IS SO--
HUH?
SWEET!
WASN'T SO...
[screaming] BAD!
[loud thud]
[grunts]
WHEW.
[dart whistles through air]
AH.
[gasping]
TAOTIE?
- DAD, IT'S FOR YOU.
- WHAT IS THE MEANING OF THIS?
- UH! OW! OW!
UH! LOOK, I DIDN'T COME TO FIGHT.
BUT IF I DID, JUST SO YOU KNOW, I'M SORT OF THE DRAGON WARRIOR.
YOU'D NEED MORE THAN A STICK.
[blades chinking]
YEAH, THAT'D DO IT.
- [whimpering nervously]
WHOA, COOL THINGIES.
- CARE FOR A CLOSER LOOK?
MY OWN INVENTIONS.
- NOBODY CARES, DAD.
- AH, NO, THAT'S PLENTY CLOSE.
LOOK, I WOULDN'T BOTHER YOU, BUT...
[chuckles nervously] SOMEONE NEEDS YOUR HELP.
- WHO?
- SHIFU.
- SHIFU SEEKS MY ASSISTANCE?
- UH, YEAH.
HE'S LIKE ALL, "GET TAOTIE. HE'S THE MAN."
- THAT DOESN'T SOUND LIKE SHIFU.
- HE'S GOT A LITTLE COLD.
ANYWAY, THE TRAINING HALL YOU GUYS BUILT,
IT'S KIND OF...BROKE.
- WHAT?
THAT EQUIPMENT WAS BUILT TO LAST CENTURIES.
WHAT KIND OF ADDLEPATED LUMMOX COULD'VE BROKEN IT?
- NO ONE KNOWS.
BUT, UH, BETWEEN YOU AND ME,
I THINK IT WAS THAT GRASSHOPPER-LOOKIN' GUY.
- AND SHIFU SENT FOR ME?
- YOU COULD SAY THAT.
OR YOU COULD SAY THAT IT WOULD BE GREAT IF YOU FIXED THE HALL
WITHOUT ANYONE EVER FINDING OUT.
- AH, NOW I UNDERSTAND.
- [slurping]
I'M GONNA TAKE A NAP. [yawns]
WAKE ME WHEN YOU GUYS AREN'T LAME.
- PLEASE EXCUSE MY SON, BIAN ZAO.
HE'S JUST LEARNING THE BUSINESS.
- LAME!
- SO WILL YOU DO IT? WILL YOU FIX THE TRAINING HALL?
- ANYTHING FOR MY OLD FRIEND SHIFU.
- WHO WE'RE NOT GONNA TELL ANYTHING ABOUT THIS TO.
- IT'LL BE OUR SECRET.
- OH, WHAT A RELIEF.
IF YOU FIX IT, THIS WILL BE AWESOME.
- SOUNDS GREAT.
COULD YOU STAND ON THAT "X" AGAIN?
[dart whistles through air]
- HMM? HMM.
- THIS IS TOO PERFECT, MY SON.
ESCORTED INTO THE JADE PALACE BY THE DRAGON WARRIOR
RIGHT UNDER THAT MORON SHIFU'S POINTY NOSE?
[laughs]
- I THOUGHT YOU SAID SHIFU IS YOUR FRIEND.
- WAS MY FRIEND.
MANY YEARS AGO, SHIFU AND I WERE AT THE JADE PALACE TOGETHER,
BUT I WAS NEVER AS GOOD AS SHIFU.
WE THOUGHT BETTER TRAINING WOULD DO THE TRICK,
SO WE WORKED SIDE BY SIDE BUILDING THE TRAINING HALL--
MY FINEST ACHIEVEMENT.
BUT WHILE IT HELPED SHIFU IMPROVE TREMENDOUSLY,
I WAS STILL HOPELESS.
I WANTED TO MAKE UP FOR MY LACKINGS,
SO I DEVISED INGENIOUS MECHANICAL CONTRIVANCES
TO COMPENSATE FOR MY WEAK SPOTS.
I WAS SO EXCITED TO SHOW MY MECHANICAL IMPROVEMENTS
TO OOGWAY AND SHIFU.
THEY LOOKED AT ME WITH HORROR.
MY MACHINES HAD SULLIED THE PURITY OF KUNG FU.
WELL, I HAVE NEWS FOR YOU:
KUNG FU IS OUTDATED AND USELESS!
WHICH MACHINERY COMES POWER.
NOW THIS LUMBERING MOUNTAIN OF BLACK-AND-WHITE PUDDING
WILL TAKE ME RIGHT IN.
ONCE MY MACHINES AND I ARE VICTORIOUS,
THE VILLAGERS WILL SEE WHAT TRUE POWER IS.
THEY'LL TURN THEIR BACKS ON KUNG FU
AND WORSHIP ME LIKE A GOD.
- I'M NOT GOING. [slurping]
- JUST COME. YOU'LL HAVE FUN.
I WILL SOON DESTROY ALL WHO ONCE OPPOSED ME!
[cackling evilly]
- [chuckling slowly]
[chuckling]
AH.
SO YOU GUYS READY TO GO?
[grunting]
- IS THIS REALLY NECESSARY?
- YES, I TOLD YOU.
- OW!
- YIKES.
GAH!
HEY, YOU GUYS LOOK GREAT.
[chuckles] BEEN WORKING OUT?
- UH, NO, NO ONE'S BEEN WORKING OUT,
BECAUSE THE TRAINING HALL'S CLOSED
TILL YOU FINISH CLEANING IT.
- OH, YEAH, RIGHT, AND THAT'S JUST WHAT I'M GONNA DO
WITH THIS, UH-- THIS CRATE OF GIANT...
SPONGES.
SO, UH, BYE.
[grunts]
- OW!
- OKAY, NOW, WE DON'T HAVE MUCH TIME, SO--
- BEHOLD, MY SON, MY GREATEST--
WHA--
THE TRAINING HALL! IT'S RUINED!
OH, MY CREATION, MY BEAUTIFUL CREATION.
OH, IT'S OKAY.
I'M HERE NOW.
OH, OH!
WHAT DID YOU DO TO IT?
- SEE WHAT I'VE BEEN DEALING WITH?
- LOOK, I TOLD YOU, I--
LOOK, WE CAN GO BACK AND FORTH OVER WHO DID WHAT AND...
OKAY, NOT SO MUCH WITH THE BACK-AND-FORTH,
BUT WHAT'S IMPORTANT IS, CAN YOU FIX IT?
- OF COURSE, BUT FOR A JOB THIS BIG,
I'M GOING TO NEED SPECIAL TOOLS.
DO YOU HAVE ANYTHING OF INFINITE POWER
IN THE SHAPE OF AN ORB THAT'S MADE OF JADE?
- NO.
WE DO HAVE THE JADE ORB OF INFINITE POW--OH!
AH, BUT THAT'S SACRED,
AND IT'S ONLY FOR HUGE EMERGENCIES.
- AND WHAT EXACTLY WOULD YOU CALL THIS?
- GOOD POINT. I'LL BE RIGHT BACK.
JUST REMEMBER TO STAY OUT OF SIGHT.
- SOON THE JADE PALACE WILL BE OURS, MY SON.
- NEAT.
- [grunting]
- OH!
- WHAT ARE YOU DOING?
- UH, WHAT-- WHAT ARE YOU DOING?
I MEAN, STOP LOOKING AT MY BUTT.
I--I'M SENSITIVE ABOUT IT.
- OH, SORRY, MAN.
- [grunts]
UH, THERE YOU GO.
NOW, IF WE CAN JUST MOVE THINGS ALONG IN HERE,
'CAUSE WE'RE KIND OF OUT OF TIME.
- CERTAINLY. JUST KEEP EVERYONE OUT.
- RIGHT. I'M ON IT.
[screams]
- JEEZ!
- MANTIS, UH, WHAT ARE YOU DOING?
- [sighs]
DROWNING MY SORROWS IN A GOOD WORKOUT.
- THAT'S A TERRIBLE IDEA.
YOU KNOW WHAT YOU SHOULD DO?
TALK ABOUT IT, LIKE, SOMEWHERE ELSE
AND NOT RIGHT HERE.
- [sighs]
I MISS MY GIRLFRIEND SO MUCH.
EVERYTHING I LOOK AT REMINDS ME OF HER,
LIKE THAT ROCK...
OR THAT BUTTERFLY.
- ACTUALLY, THAT'S HER.
- I'M JUST GETTING MY STUFF.
- WHEN DOES IT STOP,
THE HURTING?
- [gasps]
TIGRESS!
GOOD TALK, BUDDY. I FEEL BETTER. BYE!
WHA!
- OOF!
GET OFF OF ME.
WHAT ARE YOU DOING?
- HEH, THIS IS BETTER THAN TRAINING
ON SOME DUMB MACHINE, RIGHT?
FEEL THE BURN.
- [grunts]
I AM GOING IN THERE.
- WHY? BECAUSE YOU'RE SCARED OF ME?
- I AM SCARED OF NOTHING.
- HOW ABOUT NOW? GRR!
OR NOW? HUH!
OR NOW? [cackles wickedly]
- I AM NOT SCARED OF YOU.
- YES, YOU ARE, SCAREDY-CAT, SCAREDY-CAT,
SCAREDY-CA-AT!
- PO! PO?
- [gasps]
SHIFU!
OH, UH, WHAT'S UP, 'FU?
I MEAN, SHI'.
SEE HOW I DID THAT BACKWARDS?
[chuckles nervously] 'FU...
- I WANT TO SEE HOW THE TRAINING HALL
IS COMING ALONG.
- UH, I WANT IT TO BE A SURPRISE.
- I DON'T LIKE SURPRISES.
- REALLY?
UH, BECAUSE I'M DOING SOME STUFF WITH FLOOR WAX
THAT WILL REALLY BLOW YOUR MIND.
- WHAT ARE YOU HIDING FROM ME, PANDA?
- UH, NOTHING.
WHAT--WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'M HIDING ANYTHING?
- YA!
THOUGHT I WOULDN'T FIND YOU, HUH?
- YOU'RE NOT SENSITIVE ABOUT YOUR BUTT.
- GIANT SPONGES AREN'T HEAVY.
- YOU'VE BEEN ACTING WEIRD ALL DAY.
- ARE YOU DATING MY GIRLFRIEND?
- ALL RIGHT, YOU GUYS MUST BE CRAZY,
BECAUSE I DON'T KNOW WHAT YOU'RE TALKING ABOUT.
[explosion]
[foreboding music]
*
- WHAT IS THAT?
- THE...TRAINING HALL.
- AND WHO IS THAT?
- HELLO, SHIFU, MY OLD FRIEND.
- TAOTIE!
- HOW DID THIS HAPPEN?
HOW DID HE GET IN HERE?
- OH, IT WAS QUITE SIMPLE, SHIFU.
YOUR DRAGON WARRIOR SHOWED US RIGHT IN.
[dramatic music]
[laughs loudly]
- YEAH, ABOUT THAT...
I KIND OF GOT SOME STICKY DUMPLINGS
STUCK IN THE TRAINING MACHINE,
WHICH THEN WENT ALL, LIKE, CRASH, BOOM,
AND THEN I FOUND TAOTIE TO FIX IT,
AND HE--BLAH, BLAH, BLAH, BLAH, BLAH--MADE THAT!
- YOU'RE RESPONSIBLE FOR ALL OF THIS?
- NO! YES!
BUT I--I THOUGHT YOU AND TAOTIE WERE FRIENDS.
- WE WERE ONCE,
UNTIL HE ABANDONED KUNG FU WHEN HIS HEART TURNED DARK.
- OH...WOULD HAVE BEEN GOOD TO KNOW.
- [growls]
I'M VERY ANGRY WITH YOU, PANDA,
SO ANGRY, I CAN'T EVEN THINK OF A PUNISHMENT HARSH ENOUGH.
[loud thunk]
THAT'S GOOD ENOUGH.
EVERYONE, POSITIONS.
- HUH! - HUH!
- YEAH, WE CAN DO IT.
WE CAN TAKE THIS THING DOWN.
- PO, I GAVE YOU A BROOM, AND THIS HAPPENED.
DO YOU THINK I'M GOING TO LET YOU FIGHT?
- YEAH.
MAYBE YOU SIT THIS ONE OUT.
- HAVEN'T YOU DONE ENOUGH?
- AS THE WISE MAN SAY:
GET THE HECK OUT!
- BUT...
- WE DON'T WANT YOUR HELP.
- LOOK AT THAT, SHIFU.
ALL YOUR PRECIOUS TRAINING RUNNING AWAY.
YOU'LL NEVER SEE A MACHINE DO THAT.
- AND YOU'LL NEVER SEE A MACHINE DO THIS.
- OOF.
UH!
- [grunts]
HYAH!
[panting]
[grunting]
[dishes rattling]
- OH, GAH, THIS IS TORTURE.
I'M AN IDIOT.
ALL THIS MESS JUST BECAUSE OF SOME STUPID DUMPLINGS.
- [cackling loudly]
[blades chinking]
- OOF!
[arrows whistling through air]
- UH!
[chain clanging]
- AHH!
[throwing stars chinking]
- [rattling]
- [grunting]
OOF!
BAD IDEA!
[throwing stars chinking]
[fire roaring]
- [gasps]
AH!
- SO, SHIFU, READY TO ADMIT THAT MACHINERY IS MORE POWERFUL
THAN YOUR OLD-FASHIONED KUNG FU?
- MACHINERY WILL NEVER BE MORE POWERFUL,
BECAUSE IT HAS NO HEART.
- AND SOON NEITHER WILL YOU.
- [gasps]
[grunting]
- [laughing evilly]
- SURRENDER, TAOTIE.
- HA!
YOUR PANDA STYLE IS NO MATCH FOR MY MECHANICAL MARVEL.
- IT IS YOU WHO IS NO MATCH FOR THIS.
- DUMPLINGS?
- STICKY DUMPLING STYLE.
[arrows whistling through air]
HUH!
HA!
[arrows pinging]
[suspenseful flute music]
*
- OOH!
OOH! HA! OOH!
HA!
HUH! HUH! HUH!
- [cackles]
[chain jangling]
[chopsticks whistling through air]
- [sighs]
UH!
[grunting]
[growling]
HA!
[fire roaring]
WHOO.
COME ON, STICKY DUMPLINGS, DO YOUR THING.
- [cackles]
[cackles]
- HOO-AH!
HUH!
SHIFU!
- UH!
- UH-OH.
[grunting]
- THOUGHT YOU COULD BEAT ME WITH DUMPLINGS?
AH! WHAT'S HAPPENING?
CRANK HARDER!
- YOU CRANK HARDER.
- NO!
- YOU FELLAS WANT TO COME DOWN AND TRY YOUR LUCK MANO A MANO
WITHOUT HIDING BEHIND YOUR MACHINES?
[wood creaking]
- AH!
[loud crash]
[blades chinking]
- NOT REALLY.
WE'LL BE BACK FOR THE PALACE SOMEDAY,
AND THEN YOU'LL SEE THE AWESOME POWER
OF MY INVENTIONS AND--
WHA--
DID YOU OIL THESE BLADES LIKE I ASKED YOU TO?
- BLADES ARE STUPID.
both: WHOA!
[loud thud]
- THEY'RE GETTING AWAY!
- LET THEM GO, PANDA.
WE'LL SEND THEM THE BILL.
- SHIFU, SORRY FOR, UH--
- EVERYTHING?
- WELL, I DON'T KNOW ABOUT EVERYTHING, BUT...
A LOT.
- PO, I MUST ADMIT THAT YOU DID A GOOD JOB DEFENDING US,
SO GOOD THAT I HAVE ONE MORE JOB FOR THE DRAGON WARRIOR.
- YEAH? BRING IT!
[whimpers]
- DELICIOUS.
- MORE STICKY DUMPLINGS, MANTIS?
- OH, DON'T MIND IF I DO.
- SO YOU SEEM TO BE FEELING BETTER.
- I'M DOING GREAT.
- GOOD, BECAUSE YOU KNOW WHAT?
YOU WERE REALLY TOO GOOD FOR HER.
I MEAN, NOBODY REALLY LIKED HER.
- YEAH...
WE ACTUALLY GOT BACK TOGETHER.
- SHE'S LOVELY. NICE LADY. BEST TO YOU BOTH.