- [grunting]
- AND NOW, DREAMWORKS' KUNG FU PANDA: LEGENDS OF AWESOMENESS.
- * HERE ARE THE LEGENDS OF THE KUNG FU PANDA *
[scatting]
* RAISED IN A NOODLE SHOP NEVER SEEKING GLORY OR FAME *
* HE CLIMBED THE MOUNTAINTOP *
* AND EARNED THE DRAGON WARRIOR NAME *
* OOH AH YAH
* KUNG FU PANDA
[scatting]
* MASTER SHIFU SAW THE WARRIOR BLOSSOM *
* AND MASTER THE SKILLS OF BODACIOUS AND AWESOME *
* KUNG FU PANDA
[scatting]
* HE LIVES AND HE TRAINS AND HE FIGHTS *
* WITH THE FURIOUS FIVE
* PROTECT THE VALLEY SOMETHIN' SOMETHIN' *
* SOMETHIN' SOMETHIN' ALIVE
* OOH, AH, OHH
* KUNG FU PANDA
* LEGENDS OF AWESOMENESS
- SWEET.
- [groans]
- PO!
[all exclaim]
- PO, BUDDY, SPEAK TO ME.
- HA!
[laughs]
AH, MAN, YOUR EXPRESSIONS ARE PRICELESS.
[laughs]
- PO.
- THIS CAN ONLY MEAN ONE THING.
- TANG, THE TOY VENDOR JUST CAME THROUGH TOWN.
1,001 HILARIOUS NOVELTIES.
I GOT PADDLE BALLS, FAKE SWORDS AND FIRE POPPERS,
AND THIS REALLY HUGE NEW KITE.
OKAY, UM...
YOU JUST PULL THE--
NO, IT GOES LIKE--
HANG ON, LET ME JUST--
IT CAME WITH INSTRUCTIONS BUT THEY'RE NOT IN CHINESE.
[groans]
GET IT SUPPORTED IN THERE--
OH, COME ON.
- THAT'S NEVER GONNA FLY.
- THIS IS THE DRAGON WARRIOR?
- SO UNDIGNIFIED.
CAN I BORROW THAT FAKE DOODY?
- HA-HA!
LET'S GET THIS BABY OUT IN THE WIND.
OOH!
[heavy breathing]
UP, KITE. UP, KITE.
OOH!
KITEY, KITEY UP!
UP, KITEY!
OOH, KITEY, KITTY, KITTY, OH KITTY, KITTY!
WHOA, ALL RIGHT!
WHOA!
THIS...
IS...
SO...
BO...
DA...
CIOUS...
LY...
AWESOME!
WHOA!
WHOA.
THIS IS THE ONLY WAY TO TRAVEL.
[distant grunts] WHAT?
TROUBLE!
HANG ON, GUYS!
I'M COMING.
- HA-HA!
- OH!
[glass squeaking]
I'M HERE!
- MOVE!
- ALL RIGHT, WHO THREW THIS?
- [sighs]
- BUDDY, YOU JUST MADE MY LIST.
- UH, WHAT LIST?
- MY LIST OF PEOPLE I'M GONNA HIT REALLY HARD.
[grunts]
[all grunting]
- WHOA!
[all grunting]
- YOU HAVE BESTED MY MINIONS, DRAGON WARRIOR.
BUT YOU CANNOT BEAT TEMUTAI, WARRIOR-KING OF THE QIDAN!
- I BEAT YOU LAST TIME.
- YES, BUT I HAD A HEAD COLD.
[both grunting]
WHAT?
- WHO-A!
[both grunting]
- HOW COULD YOU BE THAT FAST?
- UH, I HAD A LIGHT LUNCH.
[whooshing]
- YA!
- WHAT?
[crash]
- WE'LL CALL IT A DRAW!
- HOW DID YOU DO THAT?
YOU DIDN'T EVEN TOUCH HIM.
- PANDA...
WHERE DID YOU LEARN THE THUNDERING WIND HAMMER?
- THAT THING I JUST DID?
UH, I THOUGHT I MADE IT UP.
- THE WIND HAMMER IS ONE OF THE LEGENDARY
SEVEN IMPOSSIBLE MOVES.
NO ONE HAS DONE THAT SINCE--
SINCE--
WELL, NEVER MIND.
- SINCE WHAT?
THE INVENTION OF BODACITY?
OR DID THAT JUST HAPPEN?
[laughs]
- AH!
- JUST LOOKING FOR A HIGH FIVE HERE.
- OH, NO, THANKS.
MAYBE LATER.
I, UH--I HURT MY HAND.
AH!
- HIGH FIVE?
ANYONE?
- I REALLY GOTTA GO.
- UH, TODAY'S BAD FOR ME.
- I DON'T WANT TO.
- SORRY, NO HANDS.
- OKAY...
WHY IS EVERYONE ACTING SO WEIRD?
- OUR BEHAVIOR IS ENTIRELY WITHIN
THE PARAMETERS OF NORMALITY.
GOOD-BYE.
- I JUST DEFEATED FIVE BAD GUYS WITH SOMETHING
THAT'S IMPOSSIBLE AND EVERYONE'S RUNNING AWAY FROM ME.
WHAT GIVES?
- [sighs]
YOU'LL HAVE TO FIND OUT SOONER OR LATER.
COME WITH ME.
- WHOA!
WHO'RE ALL THOSE COOL GUYS?
- THE FURIOUS FIVE.
- AH, BUT IT'S NOT.
I MEAN IT'S YOU AND SOME GUYS.
- PO, THE FURIOUS FIVE HAVE PROTECTED THE VALLEY OF PEACE
FOR HUNDREDS OF YEARS.
HOW OLD DO YOU THINK, SAY, TIGRESS IS?
- I DON'T KNOW. 40?
OKAY, WELL, LESS THAN 100.
SO--SO THIS WAS ANOTHER FURIOUS FIVE!
- YES.
- OKAY.
BUT WHO'S THAT?
- [sighs]
THAT, IS FENGHUANG.
SHE WAS THE GREATEST FIGHTER OF US ALL.
BUT SHE CHANGED.
OVER THE YEARS, THE MOST POWERFUL OF US HAVE ALL
HAD ONE THING IN COMMON.
THEY'VE BECOME DARK, TWISTED, VILLAINOUS.
IN A WORD: EVIL.
PO...
YOU ARE THE MOST POWERFUL.
- WOW, SHIFU. THANKS.
I MEAN, COMING FROM YOU, THAT MEANS--
WAIT, WHAT?
SO THAT MEANS, I'M GONNA TURN EVIL!
I CAN'T BELIEVE I'M GOING BECOME EVIL
ME, PO.
I'M THE LEAST EVIL PERSON I KNOW.
MONKEY?
- JUST A MINUTE!
[deep thud]
UH, PO. COME ON IN.
- MONKEY, YOU DON'T THINK I'M GOING TO BECOME DARK,
TWISTED, AND VILLAINOUS, DO YOU?
- OH, SO YOU HEARD ABOUT FENGHUANG?
- WHAT DO YOU KNOW?
- WELL, THEY SAY FENGHUANG HAD VERY SPECIAL SKILLS
THAT OOGWAY RECOGNIZED AND REFINED.
AS HE TRAINED HER, SHE JUST GOT STRONGER...
UNTIL SHE WAS THE MOST POWERFUL OF THE FIVE.
AND THAT'S WHEN SHE STARTED TO CHANGE.
SHE CHALLENGED OOGWAY TO FIGHT, DECLARING THAT SHE
WOULD BE THE MASTER OF THE JADE PALACE.
BUT OOGWAY HAD BEEN EXPECTING THIS.
HE HAD BUILT AN INESCAPABLE OWL-SHAPED CAGE.
- AN OWL-SHAPED CAGE?
- BUT, HE WOULD HAVE TO DEFEAT HER TO GET HER INTO IT.
[explosions]
SHE COULD NOT DEFEAT OOGWAY...
BUT SHE COULD RUN.
THERE'S A RUMOR SHE'S BEEN UP IN THE NORTHERN MOUNTAINS,
TOO AFRAID OF OOGWAY TO RETURN.
- AND NOW EVERYONE THINKS THAT I'M GOING TO GO BAD
JUST LIKE SHE DID.
- OH, WHAT?
NO, NO, OF COURSE NOT. [laughs]
OH, DON'T BE SILLY.
- IS THAT A PANDA-SHAPED CAGE?
- NO.
- [sighs]
- YOU HAVE TO TREAT POE JUST AS YOU ALWAYS HAVE.
DON'T BE AFRAID OF HIM. HE HASN'T CHANGED.
YET.
- SHIFU, I'VE TOTALLY CHANGED.
I'M TURNING EVIL.
I STOLE MONKEY'S DUMPLING.
THEN I SMASHED INTO CRANE.
- OW!
- THEN I LIFTED WITH MY BACK INSTEAD OF MY LEGS.
AH!
AND THEN I CHEATED AT MAHJONG, AND I USED THE LAST
OF THE TOILET PAPER, AND I YELLED AT CRANE WHILE HE WAS
TELLING THAT STORY AGAIN.
- THE ONE ABOUT THE RICKSHAW, DRIVER,
THE TEAPOT, AND THE HOT PEPPERS?
- YEAH. - I HATE THAT ONE.
- AND I'VE BEEN WEARING THESE SAME PANTS
FOR THREE DAYS STRAIGHT.
- PO, NONE OF THESE THINGS MAKE YOU EVIL.
YOU NEED TO RELAX.
- HOW CAN I RELAX WHEN I COULD BECOME HORRIBLE FIEND
AT ANY MOMENT?
HOW?
[crumbling]
[crash]
I JUST KILLED THE JADE PALACE REFLECTING POOL.
IT'S BEEN HERE FOR HUNDREDS OF YEARS.
- THOUSANDS, ACTUALLY.
- IF THAT ISN'T EVIL, I DON'T KNOW WHAT IS.
- I DON'T FEEL THE SAME AROUND HIM.
- HE SMELLS EVIL.
- THAT'S NOT NEW.
- LOOK, THERE'S NO PROOF HE'S TURNING EVIL.
YOU ALL NEED TO SETTLE DOWN
AND STOP ACTING LIKE SCARED LITTLE CHICKENS.
- HEY. - AH!
DON'T HURT ME, PLEASE.
TAKE CRANE.
- MANTIS, I'M NOT EVIL. YET.
SO I'VE DECIDED THAT BEFORE I DO BECOME A HIDEOUS EVIL MONSTER,
I WILL LEAVE THE VALLEY OF PEACE FOREVER.
DON'T TRY TO STOP ME.
IS, UH, ANYONE GONNA TRY TO STOP ME?
YOUR BUDDY, PO, LEAVING FOREVER.
- PO?
AH, PO? - DAD!
- WHERE'RE YOU GOING, SON?
- DAD, I-- I HAVE TO LEAVE TOWN.
I'M TOO POWERFUL AND I'M GOING TO TURN EVIL.
- WHAT?
RIGHT NOW?
BUT THAT COULD BE BAD FOR BUSINESS.
OH, BUT I DON'T WANT YOU TO GO, SON.
- FOR THE SAFETY OF EVERYONE, I HAVE TO GO
BEFORE I HURT ANYONE.
- LOVE YOU, SON.
[remorseful music]
*
- YEOW!
[gasping]
ARGH!
AH!
[screaming]
YOU! YOU MUST BE FENGHUANG.
- YES, AND YOU MUST BE 300 POUNDS.
- NO, 290, TOPS.
OOH!
- TUCK AND ROLL.
- [yells and grunts]
EWW!
- YOU, YOU, YOU COME TO ME FROM THE JADE PALACE.
- HOW DID YOU KNOW?
- I SMELLED THAT INCENSE THEY USE.
SANDALWOOD, YUCK!
- I HAD TO LEAVE THERE BEFORE I HURT THEM.
BEFORE I BECAME LIKE YOU. EVIL.
- SO YOU ARE THE MOST POWERFUL WARRIOR IN THE JADE PALACE?
- WHAT'S IT LIKE?
IS IT TINGLY?
ARE MY EYEBROWS GONNA GO ALL POINTY, AND I'M GONNA GET SOME
KIND OF EVIL LAUGH THAT TURNS INTO A COUGH...
[evil laugh]
[coughs]
AND END UP IN AN EVIL LAIR?
KINDA LIKE THIS ONE BUT NOT SO SMELLY.
WHAT IF I ENDED UP WITH A HOOK AND A SHAVED HEAD?
- WHO TOLD YOU I WAS EVIL?
WAS IT OOGWAY?
- NO, SHIFU TOLD ME.
'CAUSE OOGWAY'S GONE.
- WHAT, WHAT, WHAT?
OOGWAY IS GONE?
DID YOU SAY OOGWAY IS GONE?
- YEAH.
- HA!
FINALLY.
WITHOUT OOGWAY, I CAN DEFEAT SHIFU AND ASSUME MY RIGHTFUL
PLACE AS A RULER OF THE JADE PALACE.
THE STRONG MUST RULE THE WEAK.
THEY WILL FALL.
- WOW.
THAT IS, LIKE, CLASSIC EVIL RANTING.
AM I GOING TO BE DOING THAT?
- YES.
YES, YES, YES, YOU WILL.
EVIL WILL TEMPT YOU WITH HER POWER,
AND YOU WILL GLADLY EXCEPT.
COME WITH ME NOW, PO.
WE WILL RETURN TO THE JADE PALACE AND ANNIHILATE
EVERYONE THAT YOU ONCE LOVED.
- NO. NO!
THAT'S WHY I LEFT, SO I WOULDN'T HURT THEM.
I CAN'T LET YOU GO.
OOH-WA!
[both grunting]
- YOU'RE GOOD, PANDA.
BUT YOU CAN'T WIN.
- WHY NOT?
- BECAUSE I CHEAT.
- AH!
[deep breathing]
- YOU WILL COME AROUND, PANDA,
AND YOU WILL JOIN ME...
SOONER THAN YOU THINK.
- I GOTTA GET BACK TO THE JADE PALACE.
OH, THAT'S REALLY, REALLY UN-AWESOME IDEA.
AND THE ONLY ONE I'VE GOT.
[wings flapping]
- FENGHUANG.
- SHIFU...
YOU DON'T SEEM GLAD TO SEE ME.
- OF COURSE I AM.
I EVEN LIT SOME SANDALWOOD INCENSE.
- [grunting]
ALL RIGHT.
NO PROBLEM, WIND.
I CAN WAIT ALL...
DAY-AY-AY!
WHOA!
AH!
[screaming]
OOH!
WOO-HOO-HOO-HOO-HOO!
WOO-HOO! WHOO!
[both grunting]
- POOR, POOR SHIFU.
IF OOGWAY COULDN'T BEAT ME, WHAT CHANCE DO YOU HAVE?
- [roars]
[both grunting]
AH!
[grunts]
- [hissing]
[both grunting]
- HIYA!
- YAH!
[both grunting]
- HIYA!
HIYA!
- [grunts] - HA!
[both grunting]
HI-Y-Y-Y-YA!
AH, IT'S BEEN A LOVELY REUNION, SHIFU.
BUT I THINK IT'S TIME TO SAY GOOD-BYE.
- [screams]
HOO-HOO! YEAH!
BRINGING IT FROM THE SKY.
HA-HA!
OOH!
OH!
THAT WAS AWESOME!
- OOF!
- SO, DRAGON WARRIOR,
EVIL HAS GRABBED YOUR HEART,
AND YOU'VE COME BACK TO JOIN ME.
- NO, I'VE COME BACK TO STOP YOU.
SO IN MY LAST MOMENTS OF NOT-YET-EVIL,
I SAY, "WA-TA!"
NO!
- HIYA!
[both grunting]
YOU WANT TO SAVE THEM,
THE VERY PEOPLE WHO WANTED YOU GONE?
YOU THINK THEY CARE?
- [grunts]
HA!
[both grunting]
MAN...
YOU ARE... FAST!
BUT ARE YOU AS FAST AS THE WIND?
[grunting]
AH!
WHOA!
HOW'D YOU DO THAT?
- WHAT YOU CANNOT ABSORB, YOU DEFLECT.
HA!
- HOO-WA!
I DID IT!
- YOU'RE A FAST LEARNER.
GIVE IN, PO. GIVE IN.
OH, THERE IS A LOT I COULD SHOW YOU.
- SUCH AS?
[stone scraping]
HA!
[grunting]
- WANT TO LEARN THE MONGOLIAN FIREBALL?
- DO I?
IF I'M GOING EVIL,
MIGHT AS WELL BE GOOD AT IT.
LET'S SEE THE FIREBALL.
WHOA!
[explosion]
YEAH!
- YOU'RE A NATURAL, PO.
THE EVIL IS TAKING OVER.
JOIN ME.
I CAN TEACH YOU ALL OF THE SEVEN IMPOSSIBLE MOVES.
- PO, NO!
- HUH?
WE ARE THE MOST POWERFUL.
WE SHOULD RULE.
AND WE WILL.
[grunts]
- PO, DON'T DO THIS.
- YOU TALK TO MUCH. YOU KNOW THAT?
- HIYA!
- [groans]
- HAVE YOU LOST YOUR MIND?
- NO.
I CAME TO MY SENSES.
NOW, LET'S MAKE THIS QUICK.
- NO!
AH!
[all gasp]
- [grunts and groans]
- EXCELLENT.
NOW, PO, YOU AND I HAVE MUCH TO DO.
THE JADE PALACE IS OURS.
SOON, NO ONE WILL BE ABLE TO STAND AGAINST--
[clank]
[muffled] OH, NO!
NO!
- WOW, IT STILL FITS YOU PERFECTLY AFTER ALL THESE YEARS.
YOU'VE REALLY KEPT YOUR FIGURE.
- YOU, YOU, YOU, ACTUALLY TOOK OUT SHIFU
JUST SO YOU COULD SNEAK UP ON ME WITH THIS?
- SORRY.
TANG, THE TOY VENDOR.
- 1,001 HILARIOUS NOVELTIES.
- [gasps] YOU'RE ALIVE!
UM, AND I'M HAPPY ABOUT THAT...
SIR.
- SO WHERE ARE YOU SENDING ME?
- CHOR GHOM PRISON. DON'T WORRY.
IT'S ACTUALLY NICER THAN YOUR OLD PLACE.
- THIS ISN'T OVER, PO.
SOMEDAY I'LL GET FREE, AND WHEN I DO, I--
HEY, HEY, I'M STILL TALKING HERE.
I'LL GET YOU, PANDA!
I'LL GET YOU!
- PO!
SON, YOU'RE BACK.
GLAD TO SEE YOU DIDN'T TURN EVIL.
- NOT YET, ANYWAY.
- I'M NOT GONNA TURN EVIL.
- REALLY?
HOW DO YOU KNOW?
- TURNS OUT IT'S ONLY HAPPENED TO THE STRONGEST MEMBER
OF THE FURIOUS FIVE.
I'M NOT ONE OF THE FURIOUS FIVE, SO...
IT'S ACTUALLY TIGRESS YOU BETTER KEEP YOUR EYES ON.
- I HEARD THAT.
- YEP, NO DRAGON WARRIOR HAS EVER TURNED EVIL.
SO I'M OFF THE HOOK.
- UH...
DO YOU WANT ME TO GET RID OF THAT PO-SHAPED CAGE?
- HMM...
NO. BETTER SAFE THAN SORRY.
- [smacking food]
SO GOOD.
- YOU MIGHT WANT TO LET IT OUT AROUND THE MIDDLE A BIT THOUGH.