- [grunting]
- AND NOW DREAMWORKS' KUNG FU PANDA:
LEGENDS OF AWESOMENESS.
[gong rings]
- * HEAR THE LEGENDS OF THE KUNG FU PANDA *
[scatting]
* RAISED IN A NOODLE SHOP *
* NEVER SEEKING GLORY OR FAME *
* HE CLIMBED THE MOUNTAINTOP *
* AND EARNED THE DRAGON WARRIOR NAME *
OOH! AHH! YAH!
* KUNG FU PANDA
[scatting]
* MASTER SHIFU SAW THE WARRIOR BLOSSOM *
* AND MASTER THE SKILLS
* OF BODACIOUS AND AWESOME
* KUNG FU PANDA
[scatting]
* HE LIVES AND HE TRAINS AND HE FIGHTS *
* WITH THE FURIOUS FIVE
* PROTECT THE VALLEY SOMETHING SOMETHING *
* SOMETHING SOMETHING ALIVE *
OOH! YAH! UNGH!
* KUNG FU PANDA
* LEGENDS OF AWESOMENESS
SWEET!
- [grunting]
[heavy thuds]
- DAD, ARE WE ALMOST THERE?
- YES. NO THANKS TO YOU.
[grunts] YOU COULD GIVE ME A HAND
WITH THIS YOU KNOW, BIAN ZAO.
- DO I HAVE TO?
- [sighs] THE ORACLE SAID
I SHOULDN'T TELL YOU WHAT YOU HAVE TO DO,
BECAUSE SELF-ESTEEM CAN'T BE OPTIMIZED
WITHOUT SUFFICIENT PERSONAL-DECISION LATITUDE.
HOWEVER, IT WOULD BE VERY NICE OF YOU
TO OFFER YOUR FATHER SOME HELP.
- BUT I DON'T HAVE TO?
- [grunts] NO!
UNBELIEVABLE!
[grunting]
[panting]
- DAD, SOME GUYS ARE HERE TO SEE YOU.
- [chewing] HEY THERE.
- LET'S DO THIS.
[grunts]
[all grunting]
[evil laugh]
[laughs] OH!
- [grunts]
OOH!
- [laughs] BEHOLD!
YOU ARE NO MATCH
FOR MY IRON CLAWS OF DOOM!
- [sighs]
- [grunts]
- OOH!
- [laughs, screams]
OOH!
- AND NOW, PANDA--
WHAT? [metallic squeaks]
BIAN ZAO, I TOLD YOU TO LUBRICATE THE CLAWS!
- NO, YOU ASKED ME IF I WOULD DO YOU A FAVOR
AND LUBRICATE THE CLAWS.
- [growls]
I HATE THIS PART.
[series of screams, crashes]
WAA! [crash]
- IT'S CHOR GHOM PRISON FOR YOU, TAOTIE.
- THAT'S JUST GREAT!
[clank]
NOW I GOTTA GO DOWN ALL THESE STAIRS?
- AWESOME JOB, GUYS.
LOOKS LIKE I'M GOING TO BE EARLY FOR MY NAP.
- UH, WHAT ABOUT HIM?
- [sighs]
- HE DIDN'T REALLY DO ANYTHING.
YOU CAN SKEDADDLE, JUNIOR.
YOU'RE FREE... TO GO.
- WHERE? - AWAY.
- FINE. - FINE.
- GREAT. - GREAT.
- PERFECT! - THAT'S WHAT I SAID!
- I'M GOING. - GO.
- GONE! - ANYWHERE YOU WANT.
- I'LL BE GONE. - JUST GO.
- HERE I GO. - GOOD.
- OH, WHATEVER, DUMPLING BOY!
- YOU'RE THE DUMPLING BOY!
[thunderclap]
[yawns]
HMM? WHAT?
- THE STORM KEEPING YOU UP TOO?
- HUH? NO.
I MEAN, YES. I MEAN, UGH!
HE'S STILL OUT THERE, TAOTIE'S KID.
- I SEE. WE'RE GOING DOWN THERE.
- SWEET! FAREWELL, SQUATTER.
FREE RIDE'S OVER, BIAN ZAO.
SHIFU, LET HIM HAVE IT.
- BIAN ZAO. - WHATEVER.
- AS THE MASTER OF THE JADE PALACE...
- HA-HA.
- I INVITE YOU TO COME INSIDE.
- BOW! YOU HEAR THAT, PAL?
YOU GOTTA--WHA-- COME INSIDE?
I'M SORRY, WE'RE DOING WHAT NOW?
- WE'RE BOUND BY TRADITION, PO.
HIS FATHER STUDIED WITH ME HERE.
AND WHILE WE MAY NOT ACCEPT TAOTIE'S ACTIONS,
WE ACCEPT HIS LEGACY-- BIAN ZAO.
[gong rings]
- [sips] - BUT HE'S A BAD GUY.
WELL, BAD-ISH.
WE CAN'T JUST HAVE HIM WALK AROUND THE JADE PALACE
WITHOUT SUPERVISION.
- INDEED.
THAT'S WHY YOU ARE IN CHARGE OF HIM.
both: WHAT?
- SEE WHAT YOU CAN DO.
MAYBE YOU CAN REFORM HIM.
- I'LL TRY, BUT HE'S PRETTY HOPELESS.
[sips]
- SO AT FIRST, I WAS LIKE,
"ME, A BABYSITTER? I'M THE DRAGON WARRIOR,
NOT THE BABY WARRIOR SITTER GUY."
THEN I THOUGHT, "BIAN ZAO AND I
ARE PROBABLY ABOUT THE SAME AGE."
SO HOW OLD ARE YOU?
- 13.
- OKAY, SO WE'RE A LOT... NOT THE SAME.
ANYWAY... I SAY
LET'S MAKE A CLEAN START AND HAVE SOME FUN.
- HOW ABOUT YOU JUST PUT ME IN JAIL?
- FIRST OFF, I'M GONNA CALL YOU BZ,
'CAUSE IT'S COOL, AND YOU'RE COOL.
WHAT DO YOU THINK, BZ?
- LAME.
- ALL RIGHTY, SO THERE'S THE HALL
WITH THE TRAINING EQUIPMENT YOUR DAD BUILT.
- LAME.
- AND THIS IS WHERE WE PUT ALL YOUR DAD'S MACHINES
EVERY TIME WE DEFEAT HIM.
GETTING PRETTY FULL IN HERE.
- LAME.
- SHOWERS, LATRINE, KITCHEN.
- LAME, LAME, LAME.
- IS THERE ANYTHING YOU DON'T THINK IS LAME?
- [mumbling] I DON'T KNOW.
- YOU KNOW WHAT?
WE'RE GONNA FIND SOMETHING.
AND IF ANYONE KNOWS WHAT'S UN-LAME,
IT'S THE PO-MAN.
YEAH, BZ AND THE PO-MAN, HAVING FUN, RIGHT?
RIGHT, BZ? THE BEEZMASTER?
BEEZY-WEEZY PO-POR-EEZI? HA-HA.
- I HATE YOU SO MUCH RIGHT NOW.
- BEHOLD!
- DOLLS?
- THEY'RE ACTION FIGURES!
DON'T EVER CALL THEM...DOLLS!
LET ME SHOW YOU.
[Kung Fu shouts]
YOU'RE NOT PLAYING.
[Kung Fu shouts]
MORE FUN WHEN YOU PLAY.
[Kung Fu shouts]
KA!
I'M TELLING YOU, DAD, HE DOESN'T LIKE ANYTHING.
- OH, PO.
YOU USED TO HATE EVERYTHING BUT KUNG FU.
HOWEVER, THERE WAS ONE THING YOU SHOWED INTEREST IN.
- [hums]
AND...VOILA!
- BAKING?
LIKE MAKING COOKIES AND CAKES AND JUNK?
L-A-M-- [grunts]
[mumbling, swallows]
THIS IS PRETTY GOOD.
- DARN TOOTING.
PO AND I LOVED TO BAKE TOGETHER
WHEN HE WAS A BOY. [chuckles]
WE STILL DO, DON'T WE?
WHO'S A GOOD BOY? - [laughs]
- WHO'S A GOOD BOY?
- [laughs]
- OKAY, SON. TEACH HIM WELL.
BUT DON'T GIVE HIM THE MOONCAKE RECIPE.
FAMILY SECRET.
- SO YOU, LIKE, DO STUFF
WITH YOUR DAD ON PURPOSE?
- SURE. ALL THE TIME.
I MEAN, YOU ONLY GET ONE DAD.
- DOES HE MAKE YOU... GO WITH HIM
WHEN HE TRIES TO CONQUER THE WORLD?
- UH, MY DAD DOESN'T REALLY CONQUER STUFF.
- MY DAD SPENDS ALL HIS TIME BUILDING MACHINES
TO DESTROY THE JADE PALACE AND, YOU KNOW, YOU.
I JUST WISH ME AND DAD COULD HANG OUT WITHOUT,
YOU KNOW, TRYING TO BLOW SOMETHING UP.
- HEY.
YOUR DAD'S GOT NOTHING BUT TIME TO HANG OUT,
NOW THAT HE'S IN JAIL.
YOU SHOULD GO VISIT HIM.
AND YOU COULD BAKE HIM A CAKE TO BREAK THE ICE!
YES!
SCORE ONE FOR THE PO-MAN. UP HIGH.
- WHATEVER.
[keys jingle]
[footsteps]
- SON? - YES.
* AND HE BAKED YOU A CAKE *
OKAY, I BAKED IT, BUT I'M GONNA TEACH HIM HOW.
- I'M SO GLAD TO SEE YOU, SON.
UH...
DO YOU MIND?
- OH, RIGHT.
YOU PROBABLY WANT SOME PRIVATE TIME TOGETHER.
YOU DON'T WANT SOME GUY STANDING HERE
WHILE YOU'RE TRYING TO-- - DO YOU MIND?
- I'LL JUST GO NOW.
- SO...THOSE BUFFOONS ARE TREATING YOU OKAY
AT THE JADE PALACE?
- I GUESS.
THAT LAME PANDA WANTS TO TEACH ME HOW TO BAKE.
- HUH? BAKING?
YOU KNOW, I ONCE MADE
A 30-FOOT TALL MECHANICAL CREAM PUFF
THAT SHOT FLAMING CUSTARD OUT OF ITS--
SON?
- ALL YOU EVER DO IS WORK, TALK ABOUT WORK,
WORK SOME MORE, AND THEN FIGURE OUT
WHY YOUR WORK NEVER WORKS.
IT'S-- - LAME?
YOU'RE RIGHT, SON.
BEING A HALF-CRAZED MEGALOMANIAC TAKES UP A LOT OF MY TIME.
BUT IF YOU HELP ME BREAK OUT OF HERE,
I PROMISE WE'LL HAVE SOME DECIDEDLY
NON-DIABOLICAL "US" TIME.
- PROMISE?
- PROMISE.
NOW YOU BAKE THOSE CAKES WITH THE PANDA,
THEN SNEAK ME THE PIECES OF MY IRON CLAWS OF DOOM,
AND I'LL BUST OUT OF HERE.
- THIS ISN'T JUST SOME WAY YOU CAN GO WREAK VENGEANCE
AND STUFF, IS IT?
- NOPE, JUST YOU AND ME,
DOING REGULAR DAD-SON STUFF.
LAUGH WITH ME, SON.
HA-HA!
- [begrudging laugh]
[keys jingle]
[door creaks]
- HEY, THERE...YOU.
UM, SETTLING IN OKAY?
- YES, SIR.
- [sighs]
- SO...ARE YOU READY TO EMBARK
ON THE AWESOME ADVENTURE THAT IS BAKING?
OOH! - WHATEV--I MEAN,
[false enthusiasm] YES, LET US EMBARK,
FOR I AM EXCITED.
- [hums]
* WE'RE BAKING, WE'RE BAKING *
* DON'T KNOW WHAT WE'RE MAKING *
* LOOK, MY BUTT IS SHAKING *
* WHILE WE'RE BAKING, BAKING, BAKING *
BIAN ZAO, CHECK THIS OUT.
* STOKING THE FIRE
[scat singing]
* STOKING THE FIRE
[softly] * STOKING THE FIRE
[with gusto] * STOKING THE FIRE
[bellows puffs]
AND...
VOILA!
LOOK AT THAT BEAUTY.
NOW DON'T FEEL BAD IF YOURS DOESN'T--
WOW, BZ! NICE!
I'M PROUD OF YOU.
- YOU'RE WHAT?
- PROUD.
- NEVER HEARD THAT FROM MY DAD.
- I'M SORRY, WHAT?
- I'M SORRY, WHA-- I SAID, "LAME."
- * STOKING THE FIRE
- YOU THE PANDA, PO!
- NO, SIR. YOU THE DUCK!
- HI, PO.
- HEY, UM, PO,
WHEN YOU WALK AROUND TOWN,
PEOPLE DON'T THROW STUFF AT YOU.
- WELL, WHY WOULD THEY?
- THEY THROW STUFF AT MY DAD.
- WELL, HE DOES, YOU KNOW, ATTACK PEOPLE
WITH GIANT, EVIL CONTRAPTIONY MACHINES
THAT DESTROY THINGS,
WHICH IS SOMETHING I TRY TO AVOID.
- YEAH.
YOU KNOW, YOU'RE NOT COMPLETELY LAME.
[clinking spoon] - * STOKING THE FIRE
* STOKING THE FIRE [scat singing]
[softly] * STOKING THE FIRE
- * STOKING THE FIRE
[door clanks]
[scat singing]
both: * STOKING THE FIRE
[both scat singing]
* STOKING THE FIRE
both: * STOKING THE FIRE
- SON, THANKS TO YOU,
ONE MORE PIECE, AND THE IRON CLAWS OF DOOM
WILL BE MORE POWERFUL THAN EVER.
I--I'M PROUD OF YOU.
- [soft grunt]
YOU'RE LIKE THE LITTLE WARTHOG BROTHER I NEVER HAD.
- 'CAUSE OF YOU, THINGS ARE BETTER WITH ME AND MY DAD.
I MEAN, WHEN HE GETS OUT OF JAIL--
- [maniacal laughter]
YAH! YAH! YAH!
YAH! [evil laughter]
[knife sharpening]
YOU CARVE, SON!
AFTER ALL, THIS MEAL IS ALL
BECAUSE OF YOU.
- I CAN'T DO IT. I CAN'T BRING THIS TO MY DAD.
- WHAT GOT UP HIS EXHAUST VENT?
- I DON'T KNOW. - PO.
- WHAT? I WASN'T GONNA EAT...MUCH.
- BIAN ZAO MADE THAT FOR HIS FATHER.
WHAT IF YOU BAKED A CAKE FOR ME?
WOULD YOU WANT SOMEONE ELSE TO EAT IT?
- LAME.
[door slides] - SON. YOU'RE FINALLY--
- HEY, THERE.
- YOU?
- BIAN ZAO COULDN'T MAKE IT.
- YOU...BROUGHT ME A CAKE?
- IS THIS AWKWARD?
- NOT AT ALL!
I HAVE LOADS OF ARCHENEMIES WHO BRING ME BAKED GOODS.
AT LAST! FREEDOM!
[titters] IS WHAT EATING THIS CAKE
WILL BE LIKE A LITTLE TASTE OF.
- YEAH, WELL, ENJOY YOUR FREEDOM.
BYE.
[door slides shut, locks]
- THANKS FOR THE CAKE, DRAGON WARRIOR.
WHAT A SHAME I'LL BE USING IT
TO OBLITERATE YOU!
[evil laugh]
[muted bump]
- [panting]
[strong exhale] - UM, PO?
I GOT TO TELL YOU SOMETHING.
- [grunts] HANG ON.
I JUST WALKED ALL THE WAY
TO CHOR GHOM PRISON AND BACK.
[grunts] - YOU WHAT?
- YOUR DAD REALLY APPRECIATED THAT CAKE.
HE SAID, UH-- - YOU TOOK THE CAKE TO MY DAD?
OH, NO! GAME OVER, MAN.
- WHAT'S THE BIG DEAL?
- THAT'S WHAT I GOT TO TELL YOU.
THERE WAS SOMETHING IN THE CAKE.
- AIN'T NO LAWS WHEN YOU GOT THE CLAWS!
AND THEY ARE LUBRICATED THIS TIME, BABY!
LUBRICATED!
- TAOTIE IS COMING!
- WHAT?
- WE PUT HIM IN JAIL.
- I KNOW, BUT I JUST BROUGHT HIM
THE LAST PIECE HE NEEDED
TO REBUILD THE IRON CLAWS OF DOOM!
- YOU BROUGHT HIM THE LAST-- WAIT.
WHERE DID HE GET THE OTHER ONES?
- I...TRICKED PO,
AND SMUGGLED THE PIECES IN TO MY DAD.
- YEAH, YOU DID.
AND THAT WAS--
- LAME.
- BIG DEAL. TAOTIE'S NEVER
BEEN ABLE TO BEAT US BEFORE.
- HE SAYS HIS IRON CLAWS ARE MORE POWERFUL THAN EVER.
- IT'S POSSIBLE HE'LL NEVER MAKE IT HERE.
HE'S HERE.
[boom]
- HELLO, SON.
GLAD YOU COULD BE HERE TO WITNESS THE DEBUT
OF MY NEW, IMPROVED, SUPER-LUBRICATED
IRON CLAWS OF DOOM.
YOU SEE? CONTINUALLY SELF-LUBRICATING.
[liquid swishes]
ISN'T IT AWESOME?
- DAD, YOU SAID--
- I KNOW... BUT WHEN WE'RE DONE HERE,
WE'LL GO SKIP SOME ROCKS
AND PLAY A SPORTING ACTIVITY.
NOW DUCK!
BY THE WAY,
THANKS TO YOU ALL FOR CARING FOR MY SON.
NOW EAT CHAIN!
[all grunting]
- HIYAH!
- YAH! YAH!
[grunting]
[chains clink]
- THIS IS FAIRLY UNDIGNIFIED.
- [groans]
- HYAH!
[grunts]
OOH!
- [gasps] OOF!
[chains clink]
- NO, PANDA. I'LL HANDLE THIS.
[bang] OR YOU CAN HANDLE IT.
- STAY HERE AND KEEP DOWN.
'CAUSE WITH ANY LUCK THERE'S GOING TO BE
MACHINE PARTS FLYING EVERYWHERE IN A SECOND.
- BUT I WANT TO HELP.
- HELP WHO?
- SON!
[clanking] UGH!
[clanking] DANG!
OUT OF CHAINS!
LOOKS LIKE WE'LL HAVE TO FIGHT,
MANO A...CLAW-O
YAH!
- [grunts]
AH! MAN!
WHAT ARE THOSE IRON CLAWS OF DOOM MADE OF?
- IRON.
- OH, THOUGHT IT WAS JUST A NAME.
I MEAN, I'M THE DRAGON WARRIOR,
BUT I'M NOT MADE OF DRAGON.
[yells]
[grunts] - COME ON!
IS THAT ALL YOU GOT?
- NOT QUITE.
- YAH! - [growls]
[clang] YAH!
- [maniacal laughter]
- [Kung Fu shout]
- PO!
- WHAH!
[evil laugh]
- DAD!
PO!
- [growls]
- AH!
[both grunting]
- IT WOULD SEEM WE'RE EVENLY MATCHED.
- NEED SOMETHING TO SHIFT THE BALANCE.
- YEAH.
HELP ME. I'M YOUR FATHER!
- HELP ME. I'M YOUR BUDDY!
- I GAVE YOU LIFE!
- I GAVE YOU A COOL NICKNAME!
- I'LL RAISE YOUR ALLOWANCE!
- I'LL GIVE YOU THE MOONCAKE RECIPE!
- OH, MAN! MORAL DILEMMA.
LAME!
- WAY TO GO! YOU SCARED HIM OFF!
- ME? YOU'RE THE ONE
WHO WAS ALL, "I GAVE YOU LIFE!"
THAT'S JUST CREEPY.
[blast]
- SON! - BZ?
YES! AIR ATTACK!
- DAD, GRAB ON! - WHAT?
OOH!
- [maniacal laughter]
YOU ARE THE GREATEST SON IN THE WORLD!
- AND YOU ARE THE GREATEST DAD IN...THE FAMILY.
- OKAY.
NOW SWOOP DOWN BY HIS MELON HEAD, SO I CAN--
- OOPS!
I ACCIDENTALLY KNOCKED SOMETHING LOOSE,
ON ACCIDENT.
- WHAT THE-- NOT THE LUBRICATION HOSE!
OH!
OH, AND I WAS WINNING TOO! - SORRY.
- THANKS, BUDDY.
- THEY'RE GETTING AWAY.
- THEY'LL BE BACK.
BUT WE DID SOME GOOD HERE TODAY.
WE BROUGHT A FAMILY CLOSER TOGETHER.
- YOU'RE TOO HIGH!
- WHATEVER, DAD. - LOWER! LOWER!
[screams, grunts]
- UH, SORT OF.