- [grunting]
- AND NOW DREAMWORKS' KUNG FU PANDA:
LEGENDS OF AWESOMENESS.
- * HEAR THE LEGENDS OF THE KUNG FU PANDA *
[scatting]
* RAISED IN A NOODLE SHOP *
* NEVER SEEKING GLORY OR FAME *
* HE CLIMBED THE MOUNTAINTOP *
* AND EARNED THE DRAGON WARRIOR NAME *
OOH! AHH! YAH!
* KUNG FU PANDA
[scatting]
* MASTER SHIFU SAW THE WARRIOR BLOSSOM *
* AND MASTER THE SKILLS
* OF BODACIOUS AND AWESOME
* KUNG FU PANDA
[scatting]
* HE LIVES AND HE TRAINS AND HE FIGHTS *
* WITH THE FURIOUS FIVE
* PROTECT THE VALLEY SOMETHING SOMETHING *
* SOMETHING SOMETHING ALIVE *
OOH! AH! UNGH!
* KUNG FU PANDA
* LEGENDS OF AWESOMENESS
SWEET!
[birds chirping]
- TIGRESS, I'M JUST SAYING,
IF WE WORE MATCHING OUTFITS,
WE MIGHT FEEL CLOSER.
- I AGREE.
THAT'S WHY I'M AGAINST IT.
- WE COULD HAVE HATS.
I'D LET YOU DESIGN THEM.
- OKAY, MY HAT WOULD BE INVISIBLE.
AND YOURS WOULD COVER YOUR MOUTH.
- HA, FUNNY...JOKE.
- SHH. - WHAT?
"SHH" LIKE YOU HEARD SOMETHING?
OR "SHH" LIKE YOU'RE GONNA STRANGLE ME?
- BOTH.
- ALL RIGHT, BRING 'EM OVER HERE.
THAT'S RIGHT.
GET HIM UP AGAINST THE WALL.
HAND OVER THE MONEY, OLD MAN.
[coins jingle]
ARE YOU WHA- ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
WHAT IS THIS, FIVE YUAN?
THIS WOULDN'T BUY ME A BOWL OF NOODLES.
- UH, ACTUALLY, I KNOW WHERE YOU CAN GET
A BOWL OF NOODLES FOR TWO YUAN.
- [sighs]
DO YOU WANNA DO THIS, GAH-RI?
DO YOU WANNA DO MY JOB? - NO, I JUST--
- WELL, NO, MAYBE THAT'S WHAT WE SHOULD DO.
MAYBE WE SHOULD SWITCH JOBS.
YOU COULD TELL ME LIKE,
"OH, I GOT THIS BOWL OF SOUP PLACE FOR TWO YUAN."
YEAH, YOU TRY BEING THE LEADER,
AND I'LL TRY BEING THE TOTAL PAIN IN THE BUTT
WHO'S ALL LIKE INTERRUPTING!
- DON'T BE LIKE THAT. - [grunts]
- OOF! [crash]
- GIVE US THE REST OF THE MONEY
OR I SHALL SMITE YOU WITH THE MIGHTY WRATH OF MY PUNCH.
THAT'S HOW YOU DO THIS JOB.
DIRECT.
HE-HEY THERE, YOU.
WHAT'S--UM, HOW'S YOUR WHOLE TIGER--[grunts]
- LET'S NOT SPOIL THIS BY TALKING.
- [gulps] - YOU OKAY, SIR?
- [screams] - HALE AND HEARTY, MY GOOD MAN.
DESPITE THEIR MALITUDINOUS INTENTIONS,
THOSE RUFFIANS HARMED ME NOT ONE JOT OR ONE TITTLE.
- I IMAGINE YOU'LL WANNA BE MOVING ALONG NOW?
- YOU KNOW, NORMALLY I WOULD,
BUT I SORT OF CAN'T.
DON'T GET ME WRONG.
Y-YOU SCARE ME.
ANY SECOND NOW I'LL BE STANDING IN A PUDDLE.
BUT, UM, THE GUY I'M WORKING FOR,
HE SCARES ME MORE.
- WHO'S THAT? - I CAN'T TELL YOU.
- BECAUSE IT'S TONG FO.
- TONG FO!
- GAH, CAN YOU BELIEVE--
THIS IS WHAT I HAVE TO--
DARN IT, GAH-RI!
LOOK!
THAT GUY STOLE A LOT OF MONEY FROM MY BOSS.
- A BOLD-FACED PREVARICATION, SIR.
- I CAN'T GO BACK WITHOUT THAT MONEY.
TONG FO WILL DO TERRIBLE THINGS TO ME.
AND HE'LL STARE AT ME WITH THOSE EYES.
- THE EYES ARE SPOOKY.
- SO BE IT.
- STAND BACK.
LOOKS LIKE THINGS
ARE ABOUT TO GET REAL.
- CROC BANDITS, ATTACK!
[screaming]
- [clumsily] HUH-HUH!
[all grunting]
- OOH!
- HAND OVER THE MONEY, OLD MAN.
- [grunts]
- YAH!
- PERHAPS I CAN BE OF SOME ASSISTANCE.
- NO, DON'T!
- HIYA!
- WAH!
- HUH, WHA--
- HIYA! - OOH!
- WHOA.
- HE IS GOOD.
BUT NOT GREAT.
[screaming]
[crash]
- THIS ISN'T OVER.
WELL, THIS PART'S OVER, BUT THERE'S GONNA BE OTHER PARTS!
- AAH!
- IT WOULD SEEM WE TAUGHT THOSE HOOLIGANS
A BADLY-NEEDED LESSON IN
INTERPERSONAL AFFILIATORIES, NO?
- YEAH, YOU REALLY KICKED SOME CROC THERE, OLD TIMER.
- EH, SHIRONG.
- OH, I'M PO AND THIS IS TIGRESS.
- ARE YOU TRAVELLING FAR?
- I SHOULD BE NEARLY THERE.
I'M ON MY WAY TO VISIT MY SON AT THE JADE PALACE.
- YOUR SON?
- YES, HIS NAME IS SHIFU.
DO YOU KNOW HIM?
- [excited gasp]
YOU'RE SHIFU'S DAD!
HE'S YOUR SON. MY MASTER'S YOUR SON.
WHAT WAS HE LIKE AS A KID?
WAS HE GOOD, WAS HE BAD? DID HE GET IN TROUBLE?
DID YOU SPANK HIM?
WHAT DID HE PLAY WITH? WHAT DID HE EAT?
DID HE HAVE AN IMAGINARY FRIEND?
DID HE STICK THINGS UP HIS NOSE?
DID HE EVER MAKE THAT "AH" FACE?
OOH, DID HE WEAR DIAPERS?
DID THEY SMELL LIKE KUNG FU?
- SHIFU WAS THE PERFECT CHILD, REALLY.
HIS BEHAVIOR WAS ALWAYS UTTERLY PROVESTRICABLE.
- OH, YEAH, SAME OLD SHIFU.
- PO, DO YOU KNOW THE LAO GOO MYSTERY
OF THE DISAPPEARING COIN?
- NO, BUT IT SOUNDS COOL.
- [clears throat] DO YOU HAVE A COIN I COULD BORROW?
- [jingles coins]
- [mumbles]
- WHOA!
CAN I SEE THAT AGAIN?
- OF COURSE.
- WHOA. - [groans]
- WHOA!
WHOA, IS THIS EVER GONNA GET OLD?
- NOT FOR ME.
- WHOA!
I'M OUT.
YOU, SIR, ARE GOOD.
OH, MAN, SHIFU IS GONNA BE SO EXCITED.
WAIT, SHOULD WE KNOCK?
LET'S KNOCK.
SURPRISE!
- SON.
- WOW, THAT WAS NOT QUITE-- HUH.
- WHAT ARE YOU DOING HERE?
- ARE YOU STILL UPSET ABOUT...THINGS?
- YES, I AM STILL UPSET ABOUT THINGS.
- WELL, I BROUGHT YOU SOMETHING
THAT MIGHT TAKE YOUR MIND OFF IT.
MY FIST! HA-HA!
[both grunting]
- DON'T.
[both grunting]
- HA-HA!
- HA!
- I SEE YOUR SKILLS HAVE PROGRESSED FAR
SINCE I FIRST INTRODUCED YOU TO KUNG FU.
ONE THING THOUGH.
YOU NEVER DID UNDERSTAND STRATEGY.
[metal clangs] - OW!
- ISN'T IT MARVELOUS, MY BOY?
JUST LIKE OLD TIMES.
- IF THIS WERE LIKE OLD TIMES,
YOU WOULD HAVE STOLEN SOMETHING BY NOW, AND--
[sighs] PUT IT BACK.
- PUT WHAT? WH--
- PUT IT BACK.
I SUPPOSE IT'S BEST THAT YOU ALL FIND OUT AT ONCE.
THIS IS MY FATHER SHIRONG.
HE IS A THIEF, A CON MAN, AND LEAVING.
OUT.
- YOU SEND ME OUT THERE AND I WON'T LAST A DAY.
- THE CROCS WERE TELLING THE TRUTH, WEREN'T THEY?
YOU STOLE FROM TONG FO.
- NO, INDEED.
I MERELY SOLD HIM A PRICELESS JADE STATUE
THAT DIDN'T ACTUALLY HAPPEN TO, AS IT WERE, EXIST.
I ADMIT THE DISTINCTION IS PURELY INFANTISULAR, BUT--
- DON'T DO THAT!
- WHAT? - MAKE UP WORDS.
INFERTISULAR, VORTISROMPUNATE, REBALTRIFICATION!
DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW CONFUSED I WAS AS A CHILD?
- I ASSURE YOU, MY MOTIVES WERE ENTIRELY OPRIVASTRIAN.
- GET OUT!
- BUT SHIFU, IF YOU THROW HIM OUT,
TONG FO WILL HURT HIM TILL HE QUITS BREATHING.
AND YOU KNOW...
HE IS YOUR DAD.
- [sighs]
ONE NIGHT, THAT'S ALL.
- HOW CAN I THANK YOU, SON?
- BY LEAVING AS SOON AS POSSIBLE.
I SUGGEST YOU ALL LOCK UP YOUR VALUABLES.
- ARE YOU REALLY A CON MAN?
- YES, AND I DON'T DESERVE A SON AS FANTABULOUS AS SHIFU.
- YEAH, I WAS JUST SAYING THAT.
HE SURE IS FANTASPA...NAMALAMA.
THAT'S A GOOD THING, RIGHT?
- PO, I WANT YOU TO KNOW I APPRECIATE YOU SAVING ME
FROM THOSE CROCS BACK THERE.
YOU'RE A GOOD BOY.
- THANKS.
ANYWAY, YOU CAN STAY IN HERE.
IN THE STORAGE ROOM.
- COZY.
- YEAH, UM, I'LL GET YOU A BLANKET AND STUFF.
[large crash] - HELP, HELP!
- SHIRONG!
HOLD ON, I'M COMING!
[gasps]
SHIRONG!
- IT MUST HAVE BEEN CROC BANDITS.
THEY GUESSED WE'D BRING SHIRONG HERE
AND THE MOMENT WE LEFT HIM ALONE, BAM!
- THEY'LL TAKE HIM TO TONG FO'S LAIR AT CAMELBACK MOUNTAIN.
IF WE HURRY, WE CAN SAVE HIM.
- NO.
PO, DID YOU ACTUALLY SEE ANY CROC BANDITS?
- NO, BUT I HEARD SHIRONG YELLING AND CRASHES AND STUFF.
- THERE'S NO PROOF HE WAS KIDNAPPED.
HE COULD HAVE DONE THIS ALL HIMSELF.
- WHY WOULD HE DO THAT?
- SOME SORT OF CON.
AS ALWAYS.
UNDOUBTEDLY SOMETHING VALUABLE IS MISSING.
- BUT-- - NO.
I FORBID ANY OF YOU TO GO AFTER HIM.
- MASTER SHIFU--
- THAT WILL BE ALL, PO.
- UH, CAN I COME IN?
- YOU'RE ALREADY IN.
- OH, CAN I NOT FEEL GUILTY ABOUT IT THEN?
- [sighs] WHAT DO YOU WANT, PO?
- I THINK YOUR DAD WAS REALLY KIDNAPPED.
LOOK, I FOUND THIS. IT'S SOLID GOLD.
IF HE WAS FAKING, I DON'T THINK
HE WOULD HAVE LEFT THAT BEHIND.
- TRUST ME, THIS IS A SCAM.
YOU DON'T KNOW HIM LIKE I DO.
- BUT WHAT IF YOU'RE WRONG?
I MEAN, HE'S YOUR DAD.
WE SHOULD GO AFTER HIM.
- NO.
[sighs]
YOU NEED TO UNDERSTAND WHY WE'RE NOT GOING AFTER HIM.
FROM WHEN I WAS THREE YEARS OLD,
MY FATHER AND I TRAVELED TO DIFFERENT VILLAGES TOGETHER
SELLING ANCIENT MAGICAL TALISMANS
THAT WERE SUPPOSED TO CURE THE SICK.
- WOW, WHERE CAN I GET ONE OF THOSE--
- THEY WERE FAKE, PO.
EVERY NIGHT I'D STAY UP LATE
CARVING TALISMANS
AND PAINTING THEM TO LOOK OLD.
SOMETIMES WE WOULD GET OUT OF A VILLAGE
BEFORE PEOPLE NOTICED THE TALISMANS WERE FAKE.
WHEN I WAS 12, MY FATHER SAT ME DOWN
IN FRONT OF THE JADE PALACE AND TOLD ME
HE'D BE BACK IN FIVE MINUTES.
[door creaks open]
- DID HE COME BACK?
- OH, HE DID COME BACK.
ABOUT TEN YEARS LATER.
TRADED US THIS GOLDEN SWORD FOR FOOD AND SUPPLIES.
- UH, THAT'S WOOD. - EXACTLY.
WHENEVER MY FATHER SHOWS UP, IT'S ALWAYS A TRICK.
WELL HE'S NOT GOING TO MAKE A SUCKER OUT OF ME THIS TIME.
- THINK ABOUT IT.
YOUR DAD CAN STEAL ANYWHERE.
HE WOULDN'T COME ALL THE WAY HERE
UNLESS HE WANTED TO SEE YOU.
- GOODNIGHT, PO.
IT'S ME.
HE REALLY--
[sighs]
SUCKER.
- I ASSURE YOU, THIS IS NOTHING
BUT AN UNFORTUNATE MISUNDERSTANDING.
- MAYBE, BUT TONG FO WANTS TO, LIKE,
MISUNDERSTAND YOU IN PERSON.
- SHIRONG.
- GAH, HE ALWAYS DOES THIS.
HE HIDES.
- SO NICE OF YOU TO DROP IN AND WHATNOT.
- I HATE IT WHEN HE DOES THIS.
IT'S ALL CREEPY AND SCARY.
HE JUST COMES OUT OF NOWHERE.
- UNCHAIN HIM.
- WHAT?
WE WENT, LIKE, TO A LOT OF TROUBLE AND--
AH!
- UNCHAIN HIM.
SO WAS THE PLAN SUCCESSFUL?
- YES, PO WAS AN EASY MARK.
I'M QUITE SURE HE'LL TRY TO RESCUE ME.
- DANG.
- YOU'D BETTER HOPE HE DOES.
ONCE WE CAPTURE HIM,
THAT PANDA WILL BE WORTH FAR MORE THAN THE MONEY YOU OWE ME.
BUT IF HE DOESN'T SHOW UP...
I'LL BE USING YOU FOR A PILLOW.
- [pants heavily] PANDA...
NOT MADE TO RUN.
WHEW!
[twig snaps] HUH?
[battle cry]
WHA--
- WAIT.
YOU HAD THIS WHOLE SCAM WORKED OUT WITH SHIRONG
AND YOU DIDN'T TELL US?
- I COULDN'T COUNT ON YOU IDIOTS NOT TO REVEAL THE PLAN.
- EH, CAN'T REALLY ARGUE WITH THAT.
- YOU CAN GET YOUR KNEE OFF MY KIDNEY ANY TIME NOW.
- DID SHIFU SEND YOU TO BRING ME BACK?
- [catches breath] WHAT?
I THOUGHT HE SENT YOU TO BRING ME BACK.
- WHOA, YOU DISOBEYED SHIFU TO RESCUE HIS DAD TOO?
CHECK OUT TIGRESS BREAKING THE RULES.
- WHAT? NO, I'M NOT BRE--
[sighs]
LOOK, SHIFU IS THE CLOSEST THING TO A FATHER I'VE EVER HAD.
- I SEE.
SO SHIRONG'S KINDA LIKE YOUR GRANDPAPPY.
- NO, I JUST--
[sighs] NO ONE SHOULD LOSE THEIR FATHER.
- AGREED.
- PO, THANK GOSH YOU--
SHIFU?
- YOU KNOW, I REALLY THOUGHT YOU HAD FAKED THAT KIDNAPPING.
- YOU CAME TO RESCUE ME?
AFTER ALL I'VE DONE TO YOU.
- YOU'RE STILL MY FATHER.
- I THOUGHT IT WOULD BE THE PANDA.
I-I THOUGHT PO WOULD COME AND--
- THIS--THIS ISN'T LOCKED?
- I'M SORRY, SON.
[smack] - OOH.
- I'M SORRY.
- SO I WENT FISHING FOR GUPPIES
AND WOW, I CAUGHT A WHALE.
- OH, TONG FO?
- I WAS EXPECTING THE PANDA.
BUT NO, SHIFU.
I HIT THE JACKPOT.
YOU'RE FREE TO GO NOW, SHIRONG.
THIS GUY IS WORTH WAY MORE THAN WHAT YOU OWE ME.
- AREN'T YOU GOING TO SEND SOMEONE
TO THE JADE PALACE WITH A RANSOM NOTE?
- A RANSOM?
NO, NO, NO, NO.
I THINK I'M GONNA KEEP HIM FOR A PET.
OH, THE FUN WE'RE GONNA HAVE.
WALKS, TRAINING, PUNISHMENT.
THIS IS SO SPECIAL.
LOOK AT ME, I'M GIDDY.
[slight chuckle]
- THIS ISN'T WHAT WE AGREED ON.
YOU WERE GOING TO GET RANSOM FOR THE PANDA.
THIS--
THIS IS MY SON.
- I SAID YOU WERE FREE TO GO NOW.
AND NOW WILL SOON BE OVER.
[snaps fingers]
[ax being drawn]
SOLD OUT BY YOUR OWN FATHER.
SAD, REALLY.
WHICH IS KINDA WHAT MAKES IT SO MUCH FUN.
[laughs]
- HEY, WHAT ARE YOU DOING?
- I'M...SNEAKING UP ON YOU?
CAN WE JUST FIGHT?
- INTRUDER.
- YAH! - OOF.
[grunting]
- SHIRONG, I'M COMING!
SHIFU?
- ABOVE YOU.
- [yells]
- PO!
- THIS THING ROCKS, I'VE GOT TO GET ONE.
- HEY, UH, WE CAUGHT THAT TIGER DUDE.
- TIGER LADY.
- WHOA, I TOOK OUT PO AND YOU GUYS CAUGHT TIGRESS?
WELL, THINGS ARE TURNING AROUND.
YEAH, THIS IS GREAT! [grunts]
- YAH! [chains jingle]
WELL, ARE WE BOTH OUT OF SURPRISES?
- I DON'T KNOW.
WA-YA!
THAT'S KINDA WHAT MAKES THEM SURPRISING.
- FAIR ENOUGH.
[both grunting]
- OOF!
HUH?
[screams]
[wood shudders]
- TONG FO!
THE REST OF THE FURIOUS FIVE FOLLOWED THEM.
THIS WHOLE THING IS A TRAP!
- WHAT?
- COME SEE.
- WHERE ARE THEY?
[grunts]
- THAT, MY SON, IS STRATEGY.
- YOU CAME BACK... FOR ME.
- YES SON, FINALLY, I CAME BACK.
[both grunting]
[chains unlock]
- [grumbles]
- UH, COULD YOU GUYS FIGHT SOMEWHERE ELSE?
[all grunting]
- AH!
- HIYA!
[wood creaks]
- [gasps]
NO!
OH!
- UH-OH.
- [cracks knuckles]
- DO YOU KNOW THE LAO GOO MYSTERY
OF THE DISAPPEARING COIN?
- [grunts]
[triumphant music]
*
[crocs screaming in fear]
- YOU HAVEN'T SEEN THE LAST OF--OOF!
OH, DARN IT.
- THANK YOU.
- I THANK YOU...
AND THE PEOPLE YOU'VE TAUGHT.
- HA-HA! SWEET, HUH?
- I'LL SEE YOU SOONER THIS TIME, SON.
I PROMISE.
YOU KNOW, I WAS CORRECT THOSE MANY YEARS AGO.
THIS PLACE WAS A WORTHIER HOME TO YOU
THAN ANY I COULD EVER PROVIDE.
- AND THAT'S WHY YOU LEFT ME HERE?
- WELL, THAT AND... I WAS A JERK.
- I HAVE SOMETHING FOR YOU.
I HOPE YOU DON'T MIND...
I CHANGED THE PICTURE.
- SHIFU, I CAN'T POSSIBLY EXPRESS
THE FULL DRESTIPERSITY OF MY--
YES.
- SHIFU, LOOK!
SHIRONG LEFT ME ALL THE COINS HE TRICKED ME OUT OF.
- THAT DOESN'T SOUND LIKE MY FATHER.
AH, EMPTY MONEY POUCH.
THAT'S MY FATHER.
I KNEW I SHOULDN'T HAVE HUGGED HIM.
- [laughs] WELL SHIFU IT'S LIKE YOUR OLD MAN SAID.
YOU ARE UTTERLY PROVISTRICABLE.
- PO... I GUESS I AM.