- WA-CHA! HIYA!
- AND NOW DREAMWORKS' KUNG FU PANDA:
LEGENDS OF AWESOMENESS.
[gong rings]
- * HEAR THE LEGENDS OF THE KUNG FU PANDA *
[scatting]
* RAISED IN A NOODLE SHOP *
* NEVER SEEKING GLORY OR FAME *
* HE CLIMBED THE MOUNTAINTOP *
* AND EARNED THE DRAGON WARRIOR NAME *
OOH! AHH! YAH!
* KUNG FU PANDA
[scatting]
* MASTER SHIFU SAW THE WARRIOR BLOSSOM *
* AND MASTER THE SKILLS
* OF BODACIOUS AND AWESOME
* KUNG FU PANDA
[scatting]
* HE LIVES AND HE TRAINS AND HE FIGHTS *
* WITH THE FURIOUS FIVE
* PROTECT THE VALLEY SOMETHING SOMETHING *
* SOMETHING SOMETHING ALIVE *
* KUNG FU PANDA
* LEGENDS OF AWESOMENESS
SWEET!
- [breathes heavily]
[grunts]
OOF!
[panicked grunts]
[screams]
[gasps]
WHY IS THIS HAPPENING?
- HA, GOTCHA!
- [sighs]
THIS GAME'S MORE BORING THAN
MY AUNTY CHU'S ACUPUNCTURE STORIES.
WHY DOES IT HAVE TO BE SO SLOW AROUND HERE?
- BECAUSE THERE HAVEN'T BEEN ANY VILLAINS SIGHTED IN WEEKS.
- WELL, I DON'T LIKE IT.
I WISH SOMETHING WOULD HAPPEN; ANYTHING.
- PO, WHAT'S GOING ON.
- NOT MUCH.
EXCEPT THAT THIS WAS DELIVERED
THIS MORNING BY SPECIAL MESSENGER TO YOURS TRULY.
- THE ESTEEMED GENERAL TSIN REQUESTS A PRIVATE AUDIENCE
WITH THE DRAGON WARRIOR AT HIS COUNTRY ESTATE!
- MY HERO.
- WOW, THE LEGENDARY GENERAL TSIN
WANTS TO SEE PO?
- WHAT?
- JEALOUS?
- I DON'T GET JEALOUS.
- SHE GETS EVEN.
- ALL PACKED, MASTER PO.
- I HOPE YOU REALIZE WHAT AN HONOR THIS IS.
- YOU KIDDING?
GENERAL TSIN IS ONE OF MY IDOLS.
HE'S ONE OF THE MOST BODACIOUSLY AWESOME WARRIORS
IN THE HISTORY OF CHINA.
HERO IN THE BATTLE OF SHIN HUAN;
DELIVERER OF THE SIEGE OF CHOU LUNG;
DESTROYER OF THE HUN IN THAT WAR WHERE THE HUNS GOT DESTROYED.
BUT WITH NO ENEMIES LEFT TO FIGHT, HE RETIRED.
TRAGICALLY, DRAMATICALLY,
WHEREABOUTS UNKNOWN.
UNTIL NOW!
BY ME.
- PO, THE GENERAL IS A MAJOR BENEFACTOR
OF THE JADE PALACE.
WE COUNT ON HIS SUPPORT.
- I KNOW.
I GOTTA MAKE A GOOD IMPRESSION.
I GOTTA SHOW HIM I'M GENERAL TSIN-WORTHY.
I GOTTA BRING IT.
- [laughs]
HOW YOU GONNA DO THAT?
- I RECOMMEND NOT GOING.
- ARE YOU PLANNING ON GIVING HIM
ONE OF THESE FRIENDSHIP BRACELETS?
- NO...
NO.
NO, NO.
[chuckles] DON'T WORRY.
I'LL SHOW HIM I'M WORTHY 'CAUSE I GOT
A HERO'S HEART RIGHT HERE IN MY--
[pants rip]
PANTS?
PO'S WARRIOR JOURNAL, DAY ONE.
TRUDGED THROUGH MUD, SCALED HILLS, FORGED MIGHTY TORRENTS.
BRAVELY, I MARCHED ON WITH MIGHTY STEPS.
THEN I GOT A CHARLEY HORSE.
OW!
SO I HIRED A RICKSHAW, ATE COOKIES, AND FELL ASLEEP.
[snores]
IN THE END, I REACHED MY GOAL.
THE FORTRESS OF GENERAL TSIN.
MY DESTINY AWAITED.
OMINOUSLY, MENACINGLY, FEARFULFULLY.
[grunts]
- UH, CAN I GO NOW?
- OH, RIGHT. [chuckles]
SORRY.
OKAY, PO.
TIME TO SHOW THIS GUY HOW TOUGH AND FEARLESS YOU ARE.
- WHAT?
- GAH!
[screams]
[all growl]
[whimpers]
IF THIS IS A BAD TIME,
I COULD COME BACK LATER.
- STAND DOWN, MEN.
LET'S SEE WHAT WE'VE BAGGED.
- GENERAL TSIN!
HI, THIS IS EMBARRASSING.
AND PAINFUL.
- FOR THE LOVE OF LYCHEE NUTS,
WHAT ARE YOU SUPPOSED TO BE?
- SIR, I'M THE DRAGON WARRIOR.
REPORTING FOR DINNER, OR WHATEVER.
BRUNCH IS GOOD TOO.
- CUT HIM DOWN.
- [groans]
THANK YOU.
- SO YOU'RE THE DRAGON WARRIOR?
- YES, SIR.
MY FRIENDS CALL ME PO.
YOU CAN TOO.
HINT, HINT.
- SNAP IT SHUT, SOLDIER.
STAND UP.
EYES FRONT.
SHOULDERS BACK.
SUCK IN THAT GUT.
SUCK IT IN, TUBBY.
SUCK, SUCK, SUCK!
- I'M SUCKING, I'M SUCKING!
- YOU'RE NO WARRIOR.
YOU'RE A SOFT, SIMPERING, WHINY LITTLE PANDA CUB.
- OKAY, UH, THAT'S A LITTLE HURTFUL.
- LANCES.
- WAIT, NO, I GOT A TICKET!
A GOLDEN TICKET, IT'S--IT'S RIGHT, UH...
SOMEWHERE. [chuckles]
- [growls]
- WA-TAI!
[grunting]
- OOF!
- WA-TA!
GOT IT.
HUH?
[nervous chuckle]
UH...
- [laughs]
THAT'S THE WARRIOR SPIRIT.
NICE MOVES, SON. - OOH!
- A LITTLE TEST THERE.
COME ON, LET'S GET SOME CHOW.
AND THEN YOU'RE GONNA HELP ME RID CHINA OF EVIL.
- YES!
[eats noisily]
- I'LL TELL YOU, DRAGON WARRIOR,
CHINA'S NOT WHAT IT USED TO BE.
- I KNOW. IT'S BEEN SO DAMP LATELY.
MMM, AMAZING DIM SUM, BY THE WAY.
- LOOK AROUND.
EVIL IS EVERYWHERE.
GOATS CONTROL THE MEDIA.
EVEN THE FOOD WE EAT IS FILLED WITH TOXIC POISONS.
[angry grunts]
- IS THIS ANOTHER, UH, TEST?
HE ASKED, RATHER HOPEFULLY.
- WELL DONE.
YOU CAN SEE THE TOXINS FLYING THROUGH THE AIR, CAN'T YOU?
I REMEMBER THIS ONE TIME WITH MINISTER CHO LI.
WELL DONE.
I LIKE YOU, DRAGON WARRIOR.
- I LIKE YOU TOO, GENERAL.
- YOU GOT THE SPIRIT.
YOU GOT THE FIRE.
YOU GOT THE SMELL OF BURNT BAMBOO ON A WET SATURDAY.
- IS THAT...GOOD?
- GENERAL, HUNDUN HAS BEEN SIGHTED ON THE PROPERTY.
- HUNDUN THE RHINO, HERE?
- IT'S GO TIME, SOLDIER.
- WOW.
SWEET.
CLOSET.
- I'VE COLLECTED RARE WEAPONS
FROM ALL OVER THE WORLD.
LIKE THIS ONE.
[explosion]
I CALL IT MR. KABOOM.
- CAN'T TALK.
SO AWESOME.
- YOU UP FOR THIS, DRAGON WARRIOR?
- GENERAL, US ROUGH, TOUGH WARRIORS OF THE JADE PALACE
HAVE A SAYING:
[explosion]
[nervous laugh]
UH... [growls]
KA KAW!
KA KAW--MMPH.
- KEEP IT DOWN, DRAGON WARRIOR.
STEALTH IS EVERYTHING.
- DON'T WORRY, GENERAL.
HE'S MINE.
UM, [chuckles]
SORRY, I SORT OF BROKE YOUR WEAPON THERE.
- TO THE PURE WARRIOR, ANYTHING CAN BE A WEAPON.
- NICELY DONE, GENERAL.
BUT YOU EVER SEEN THIS ONE?
BOOYAH!
- [laughs] ATTA BOY.
I KNEW YOU WERE RIGHT FOR THIS.
[sniffs]
I SMELL SOMETHING.
RHINO MUSK. - EWW.
HE'S CLOSE.
THINK YOU CAN TAKE HIM?
- THINK?
I DON'T THINK.
I JUST...MULL THINGS OVER A LITTLE BIT
AND THEN, UH...
LET'S BAG US A RHINO!
- GO GET HIM.
- KI-YAH!
- YOU, WHERE IS THE BAKERY?
- [whimpers]
I...WHAT?
- THE BAKERY?
I RECEIVED THIS COUPON FOR FREE PLUM PIE.
I LOVE PLUM PIE LIKE A CIRCLE OF PLUM LOVE
GREETING IT'S RHINO MOUTH IN EATING THAT I DO!
- I DON'T KNOW.
- WHAT IS IT?
IS IT A STORY OR A SONG TITLE?
HOW MANY WORDS?
- THE RHINO'S COMING, SO HIDE.
- HEY!
I'M HERE TO CLAIM MY FREE PIE,
WHICH WILL BE FREE AND REQUIRING NO COMPENSATION.
A PIE!
- WHAT'S HE TALKING ABOUT?
- I LURED HIM HERE WITH A FAKE COUPON.
RHINOS CAN'T RESIST PIE.
- WHAT DO YOU MEAN, LURED HIM?
AFTER HE COMMITTED A CRIME?
- CRIME? WHAT CRIME?
I LURED HIM HERE SO I COULD HUNT HIM.
- HUNT HIM?
LIKE "HUNT HIM" HUNT HIM?
- AFFIRMATIVE.
HUNT HIM FOR SPORT.
THAT'S WHAT I DO.
- UM, IS THIS ANOTHER TEST?
'CAUSE IF HUNDUN HASN'T DONE ANYTHING WRONG
THEN HUNTING HIM IS, WHAT'S THE WORD?
HMM--WRONG!
- IS THIS YOUR WAY OF ANGLING FOR THE FIRST SHOT AT HIM?
GO GET HIM, DRAGON WARRIOR.
- BUT I...
- GO GET HIM!
[snorts]
WELL, GO ON, GO ON, GO ON.
- COME ON, PANDA.
NOW, BEFORE HE RUNS AWAY ALL SCARED.
- TEST OR NOT, I CANNOT LET THIS HAPPEN.
- HUH?
PO!
- YOU SPOOKED HIM.
- UH, I'LL GET HIM, GENERAL.
WAIT HERE.
- WHAT ARE YOU DOING HERE?
OF COURSE, PIE.
DID YOU GET MY PIES?
- NO, WAIT, WAIT, HUNDUN.
YOU'VE GOTTA GET OUT OF HERE.
THIS GUY'S AFTER YOUR HIDE.
LITERALLY.
- DON'T TRY TO BAMBOOZLE ME WITH
YOUR SOFT TALKING OF WHISPERED PUZZLEMENT.
I WANT MY PLUM PIE.
WHICH IS ROUND.
AND PIE-LIKE!
- GET DOWN, PO.
- PIE ROBBER!
- WAY TO WEAR HIM DOWN, SOLDIER.
COME ON, YOU HORN-PLATED BOOTLICKER.
- [enraged yell]
[both grunting]
- HUNDUN, YOU'VE GOTTA GET OUT OF--UH-OH.
YOU HAVE TO RUN, I'M TRYING TO--
- AAH!
- SERIOUSLY, YOU-- [sighs]
- OOF!
[grunts]
- WELL, I'LL BE DIPPED IN HOT MUSTARD.
YOU DID IT, DRAGON WARRIOR.
- YEAH, I GUESS I DID.
GREAT HUNT.
BRACING.
- OH, HE'S STILL KICKING.
- UH, LISTEN, THIS HAS BEEN FUN, REALLY,
BUT, UH, WHY DON'T I TAKE IT FROM HERE?
I'LL GET HUNDUN TO CHOR GHOM PRISON FOR, UH, TRESPASSING.
- CHOR GHOM?
NONSENSE.
WE'LL PUT HIM IN WITH THE OTHERS.
- OH, WELL, WELL, UH--
OTHERS?
- I STORE THEM HERE FOR SAFEKEEPING.
IT'S THE FINEST COLLECTION IN CHINA, BY THE WAY.
- [gasps]
SCORPION!
TEMUTAI?
OH...FUNG AND GARY--UH, GAH-RI!
WHAT HAVE YOU DONE TO THEM?
- I USED THE POWDER OF THE ZOU CHOW PLANT
TO PLACE THEM IN A DEEP SLEEP.
THEY'RE AWAKE, BUT COMPLETELY UNABLE TO MOVE.
HOW ABOUT THAT, NEAT, HUH?
- [screams]
- YEAH, I KNOW.
THE EYE THING'S KINDA CREEPY.
- OH...LOOK AT THE HOURGLASS.
I...REALLY SHOULD BE GOING AND,
UH, LET YOU GET BACK TO BEING CRAZY.
[yelps]
- DRAGON WARRIOR, I ASSURE YOU
I AM COMPLETELY SANE.
NOW PUT THIS COPPER WOK ON YOUR HEAD.
IT'LL KEEP OUT THE WIGGLING SKULL CRACK VIBRATORIES.
- 'KAY...
- PREPARE THE SPECIMEN.
[gas hissing]
- GENERAL, WAIT.
- [laughs]
[laughs]
NOW HE'S COMPLETELY HELPLESS.
AND HE REALLY PULLS THE ROOM TOGETHER, DON'T HE?
- SO, JUST TO RECAP, YOU LURE DANGEROUS VILLAINS HERE
TO FREEZE THEM FOR FUN?
- SOON, I'LL HAVE ALL THE EVIL IN CHINA LOCKED AWAY RIGHT HERE.
[laughs]
- [nervous laugh]
- [laughs] - [laughs]
- [forced laugh]
- AH, IT'S GOOD TO LAUGH.
- SORRY, GENERAL.
- YA!
HAVE YOU LOST YOUR TINY WITS?
- SIR, I'M SORRY.
I WANTED TO WIN YOUR RESPECT.
BUT, RESPECTFULLY, YOU'RE KINDA BONKERS.
THIS IS WRONG.
WRONG, WRONG, WRONG!
- OH, I SEE.
THANK YOU FOR OPENING MY EYES.
I WAS WRONG.
ABOUT YOU!
YOU'RE JUST LIKE THE REST OF THEM!
YOU'RE A HUGE DISAPPOINTMENT TO ME, BOY.
BUT ON THE UPSIDE, YOU'RE GONNA LOOK JUST GREAT ON MY WALL.
- [gulps]
- YOU'RE MINE, DRAGON WARRIOR.
- GENERAL, DON'T.
I'M ONE OF THE GOOD GUYS.
GOOD!
- HA, THAT'S JUST WHAT THE
VOICES IN MY HEAD WANT ME TO BELIEVE!
- [growls]
HA, WHO'S THE HUNTER AND WHO'S
THE HUNTED HUNTEE GUY THING NOW?
- YA!
- [yelps] - PEPPER JUICE.
- AH, STING-Y!
OOH, IT BURNS, OOH!
OOF!
- GET UP AND RUN, BOY.
- [whimpers]
[breathes heavily]
[whimpering]
[screams]
[panicked breathing]
[screams]
- NOWHERE TO RUN, PANDA.
- IMPENDING PAIN! IMPENDING PAIN!
[pants]
I MADE IT.
I'M ALIVE.
I GOTTA GET BACK TO THE JADE PALACE.
I GOTTA GET OUT OF HERE.
[groans]
- THE SELFISH DRAGON WARRIOR.
SAVING HIMSELF WHILE OTHERS ARE LEFT UNSAVED.
THROUGH HIS NOT SAVING THEM.
- HUNDUN?
I--I BARELY GOT OUT OF THERE ALIVE.
- AND THE REST OF US?
THOSE THAT ARE CURRENTLY INNOCENT?
YOU ARE NO WARRIOR.
YOU ARE SELFISH.
AND WHATEVER IS THE OPPOSITE OF A WARRIOR.
[echoing] THAT'S YOU.
- WHAT?
[frustrated sigh]
BRAIN-TRAUMA HUNDUN IS RIGHT.
I CAN'T LEAVE THOSE GUYS THERE.
I GOTTA GO BACK AND HELP THEM.
[both growl]
[screams and grunts]
- OKAY, BAD GUYS.
FOR SOME WEIRD REASON, I'M HERE TO SAVE YOU.
OKAY...
IT'S RIGHTY TIGHTY, LEFTY, UH, WHAT IS IT?
LEFTY...
- LOSER.
- NO, IT'S NOT "LOSER."
IT'S LEFTY, UM...
[screams]
OKAY, LOSER.
OOF!
- GOTCHA NOW.
[laughs]
- GENERAL, I CAME HERE BECAUSE YOU WERE A HERO.
- WERE?
- YES, BUT "WERE" COULD BE "ARE"
IF--IF--IF--AH, YOU'RE ACTING CRAZY, GENERAL.
THIS ISN'T THE WAY OF A HERO.
- YOU'RE RIGHT, THIS IS.
[gas pumps]
- [laughs]
HOW DO YOU LIKE THAT GREEN GAS?
WAIT, GREEN GAS?
- I SWITCHED THE HOSES.
- BUT THAT'LL WAKE THEM UP,
YOU RANCID DUMPLING.
[grunting, coughing]
- YOU.
YOU WILL PAY FOR WHAT YOU HAVE DONE TO US
BY PAYING US FOR WHAT YOU HAVE DONE.
TO US!
all: [menacing cries]
- FINE.
I AIN'T RUNNING.
DO YOU WORST, EVIL-MONGERS.
AAH!
- GET HIM!
- [laughs]
- [grunts]
- [gulps]
- FUNG.
[both grunting]
- [laughs] WHA--?
- [grunts]
OOF!
[groans] THAT ALL--THAT ALL YOU GOT?
[sighs]
I SPRINKLE PUNKS LIKE YOU IN
MY...STEAMED CUSTARD...PIE.
- MMM, PIE.
AAH!
- YA!
GET AWAY FROM THE GENERAL.
HE'S A GREAT LEADER,
WHO'S JUST GONE A LITTLE NUTTY.
OKAY, A LOT NUTTY.
OKAY, I'M TALKING CERTIFIABLY WHACKED OUT LOONEY--
- I THINK THEY GET THE IDEA.
- RIGHT.
NOW, BACK OFF, ALL OF YOU.
I'M AN EXPERT AT USING THIS-- [screams]
OOF!
- THANK YOU, DRAGON WARRIOR.
GOODBYE!
- THIS IS NOT OVER.
BECAUSE IT WILL CONTINUE.
- NICE WORK, DRAGON WARRIOR.
DESPITE LETTING MY LIFE'S WORK RUN THROUGH A HOLE IN THE WALL,
WE MADE QUITE A TEAM.
EXCEPT FOR YOU BEING TOTALLY EVIL AND ALL.
- AND EXCEPT FOR YOU BEING AS CRAZY AS A BIG BAG OF CUCKOO.
- [groans]
TOUCHE.
SO WHAT ARE YOU GONNA DO NOW?
FREEZE ME LIKE I DID THEM?
HOIST ME WITH MY OWN PETARD?
- DON'T HAVE A...PETARD HANDY,
BUT, UH, I DO HAVE ANOTHER IDEA.
- THEY CAN'T KEEP ME IN HERE FOREVER, PO.
YOU'LL SEE.
CHINA NEEDS ME.
WHEN I GET OUT, I'LL BUILD A HUGE BOAT FROM...
NOODLES AND JAM...AND STUFF.
[laughs]
- 'KAY, BYE.
[yelps]
- WELL, I HOPE YOU'RE PROUD, PO.
YOU'VE IMPRISONED THE JADE PALACE'S BIGGEST CONTRIBUTOR.
- TRUE. THINGS COULD BE WORSE.
- WELL, IT WAS A BIT CRAZY TO LET LOOSE
THE MOST DANGEROUS CRIMINALS IN CHINA.
- ME, CRAZY?
SHIFU, I'M THE SANEST GUY YOU'LL EVER MEET.
NOW LET'S GO GET THEM!