- WA-CHA! HIYA!
- AND NOW DREAMWORKS' KUNG FU PANDA:
LEGENDS OF AWESOMENESS.
[gong rings]
* HEAR THE LEGENDS OF THE KUNG FU PANDA *
[scatting]
* RAISED IN A NOODLE SHOP *
* NEVER SEEKING GLORY OR FAME *
* HE CLIMBED THE MOUNTAINTOP *
* AND EARNED THE DRAGON WARRIOR NAME *
OOH! AHH! YAH!
* KUNG FU PANDA
[scatting]
* MASTER SHIFU SAW THE WARRIOR BLOSSOM *
* AND MASTER THE SKILLS
* OF BODACIOUS AND AWESOME
* KUNG FU PANDA
[scatting]
* HE LIVES AND HE TRAINS AND HE FIGHTS *
* WITH THE FURIOUS FIVE
* PROTECT THE VALLEY SOMETHING SOMETHING *
* SOMETHING SOMETHING ALIVE *
* KUNG FU PANDA
* LEGENDS OF AWESOMENESS
SWEET!
- THE MENACING FIGURE CREPT CLOSER, CLOSER...
HE LOOMED OVER HIS HELPLESS VICTIMS
AS THEY SUDDENLY REALIZED...
HE HAD HIGHLY CONTAGIOUS FLU SYMPTOMS!
- NO! NO! NO!
- [laughing]
I KNEW THAT WOULD GET 'EM.
- RIGHT...
ANYONE ELSE?
- HOW 'BOUT YOU, PO?
KNOW ANY SCARY STORIES?
- DO I?
[ominous laugh]
YEAH.
PREPARE YOURSELVES FOR THE INCREDIBLE TRUE STORY
OF THE JIANG SHI: THE HOPPING GHOSTS!
EVERY YEAR, WE HONOR OUR DEPARTED ANCESTORS
AT THE GHOST FESTIVAL.
WHEN THE PROPER RESPECT IS NOT PAID,
THE DEAD CAN TURN NASTY.
THE UNDEAD CORPSE TRANSFORMS INTO A JIANG SHI
AND PROWLS THE EARTH, LUSTING AFTER THE BLOOD
AND BRAINS OF THE LIVING.
STIFF FROM BEING DEAD AND JUNK,
THEY'RE FORCED TO HOP AROUND
IN A HIDEOUS, UN-BENDY FASHION.
POSSESSING CREEPY POWERS, THEY CAN FLY THROUGH THE AIR,
WALK THROUGH WALLS,
OR FREEZE YOU WITH THEIR HORRIBLE DEATH BREATH.
AND THEIR NEXT VICTIM... COULD BE YOU!
- THAT'S TERRIFYING, PO...
IF I WAS FOUR.
all: [laughing]
- GOOD ONE! - GOOD ONE, TIGER.
- WHAT'S TERRIFYING IS THAT YOU ACTUALLY REMEMBER
ALL THAT RANDOMNESS.
- YOU DON'T REALLY BELIEVE ALL THOSE OLD STORIES, DO YOU?
- UH, YES.
GUYS, GHOSTS ARE REAL.
THAT'S WHY I'VE READ ABOUT EVERY GHOST SCROLL IN THE LIBRARY.
- NO ONE LIKES A GHOST SMARTY-PANTS, PO.
- PERHAPS, BUT IF WE EVER RUN INTO A HOPPING GHOST,
YOU WON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO, AND I WILL--
AHH! UGH! OOF!
FINALLY, SOMEONE WHO KNOWS HIS GHOSTS.
TELL THESE NON-BELIEVERS THE STORIES
ABOUT THE THROTTLING AND THE CHOKING AND THE HURTING.
- AS YOU SAID, PO, STORIES.
THERE ARE NO SUCH THINGS AS GHOSTS.
- DO THE GHOSTS KNOW THAT?
- BUT IN SPITE OF THE FACTS, MANY PEOPLE DO BELIEVE.
FOR INSTANCE, WE JUST RECEIVED A REPORT FROM THE COUNTRYSIDE
OF...STRANGE APPARITIONS.
[thunder rumbles]
- STRANGE APPARITIONS?
[thunder rumbles]
- STRANGE APPARITIONS.
[thunder rumbles]
- STRANGE APPARITIONS? [thunder rumbles]
[whimpers] - PO.
SOME RESIDENTS ACTUALLY CLAIM THEY'VE SEEN THE JIANG SHI.
AS HEAD OF THE JADE PALACE,
I MUST INVESTIGATE THESE REPORTS PERSONALLY.
EVEN IF THEY ARE UTTER NONSENSE.
- NONSENSE? UH... HATE TO DISAGREE,
BUT I'M KIND OF AN EXPERT.
- WHICH IS WHY YOU'RE GOING WITH ME.
- AHH!
LOVE TO.
[nervous chuckle] OH, OH, LOOK AT THE TIME.
I WAS SUPPOSED TO VISIT MY DAD...
IN MONGOLIA...
FOR A WEEK.
- YOU'RE GOING, AND THAT'S FINAL.
- HEH, MASTER SHIFU, LET'S--
LET'S NOT RUSH INTO ANYTHING HERE.
I MEAN, IF YOU GET BITTEN BY A JIANG SHI,
YOU GRADUALLY BECOME ONE OF THEM.
IT'S LIKE MY BIGGEST FEAR.
- I'M SURE YOU'LL DEAL WITH IT.
AFTER ALL, YOU ARE THE FEARLESS DRAGON WARRIOR.
- [nervous chuckle]
* LA-LA-LA SCARY TREES *
* LA-LA-LA DESERTED ROAD *
* LA-LA-LA SCARED TO DEATH *
* LA-LA-LA-LA-LA PANICKY SWEAT *
JOIN IN ANY TIME, MASTER SHIFU.
SIXTH VERSE, SAME AS THE FIRST:
* LA-LA-LA SCARY TREES - PO!
YOU CAN STOP SINGING NOW. WE'RE HERE.
THANKFULLY. - OH.
HEH. DOESN'T LOOK SO BAD.
UH, WHERE EXACTLY IS HERE?
- THE VALLEY OF PEACE CEMETERY.
- GAH!
NICE...HEAD-STONAGE.
- WAIT HERE. I'LL GO FIND OUT WHO'S IN CHARGE.
- SURE YOU DON'T NEED MY HELP?
- I'M FINE.
- 'CAUSE I'M PRETTY GOOD AT FINDING PEOPLE
WHO ARE IN CHARGE OF STUFF.
- I'LL BE FINE. THANK YOU.
- THE THING IS, IF A GHOST GETS ME,
I KIND OF NEED MY BRAIN.
- NO, TOO EASY.
I'LL BE RIGHT BACK.
IF YOU REALLY NEED ME, JUST SHOUT.
- OKAY.
SHIFU!
- YES? - JUST TESTING.
- GO SIT DOWN, DRAGON WARRIOR.
- RIGHT. SITTING.
[nervous chuckle]
HELLO? DEAD GUYS?
JUST GONNA SIT HERE. NOT CAUSE ANY TROUBLE.
AND, UH, FOR THE RECORD, MY BRAINS TASTE TERRIBLE.
HAVEN'T SHAMPOOED THEM IN WEEKS.
[nervous chuckle]
PULL IT TOGETHER, PO. YOU HEARD SHIFU.
THERE'S NO SUCH THING AS GHOSTS.
HUH?
[high-pitched moaning]
SHI-SHI-SHI...
[wheezy breath]
SHIF!
SHIFU! SHIFU!
OH, SHIFU! SHIFU!
SHIFU!
HOPPING GHOST!
- PO, THAT'S NOT A GHOST.
THAT'S THE UNDERTAKER.
- AND THAT EXPLAINS THE DEATH REEK.
- I'M SO SORRY I SCARED YOU, YOUNG FELLOW.
I-I WAS REACHING FOR MY SHOVEL.
- OUR APOLOGIES, SIR.
WE'RE FROM THE JADE PALACE.
- THE JADE PALACE?
OH, HOW NICE.
YOU MUST STAY FOR TEA.
- NO TIME, NICE OLD GUY.
WE'RE HERE TO INVESTIGATE... STRANGE APPARITIONS.
[thunder rumbles]
SERIOUSLY?
- YOU MEAN, LIKE THIS?
- AHH!
UH, UH...EXACTLY.
- [laughing]
DON'T BE SUCH A SILLY.
IT'S ONLY A MASK.
- A MASK?
- I'M AFRAID THE LOCAL KIDS HAVE BEEN PLAYING PRANKS
IN MY GRAVEYARD.
NOW EVERYONE THINKS WE'RE HAUNTED.
- PRANKS?
- PRANKS, OF COURSE.
SEE, PO, I TOLD YOU-- THERE ARE NO GHOSTS.
- HUH.
YEAH, OKAY.
I MAY HAVE OVERREACTED.
IN A COMPLETELY UNDERSTANDABLE WAY.
[thunder rumbles]
GUESS WE OUGHT TO HIT THE ROAD BEFORE THE...
RAIN.
- YOU'RE TOO KIND. WE'LL BE GLAD TO STAY.
WON'T WE, PO?
- [chuckling]
LONG AS THERE AREN'T ANY MASKS.
[laughing]
I KID. NEW PANDA NOW.
TOTALLY CURED. NOT AFRAID OF ANYTHING.
STILL...SLEEPING IN A COFFIN'S KIND OF...
- COFFINS AREN'T MUCH FOR COMFORT,
BUT I RARELY GET ANY COMPLAINTS.
[laughing]
YOU SEE WHAT I DID THERE? [laughing]
- HA, HA. YEAH, GOOD ONE.
- EXCELLENT, WELL, GOOD NIGHT, PO.
SLEEP TIGHT.
- [gulping] OH, I'LL-- I'LL SLEEP TIGHT, ALL RIGHT.
THAT'S HOW I DOES MY SLEEPING. TIGHT.
WITH RELATIVELY LITTLE FEAR.
[howling noises] AHH!
UNDEAD HOWLING! AHH!
RELAX, PO, IT'S JUST THE WIND.
STUPID WIND. IT'S NOT GHOSTS.
THERE ARE NO GHOSTS.
THERE ARE NO...LIGHTS.
[match sizzling]
PHEW, THAT'S BETTER. [chuckling]
GET A HOLD OF YOURSELF, DRAGON WARRIOR.
JUST, UH, WALK IT OFF.
HA, HA, HA.
HUH?
[sniffing]
UGH, NOTE TO SELF: BATHE MORE.
- [hissing] - AHH!
HEH, HEH, NICE MASK, SHIFU,
BUT YOU'RE WASTING YOUR TIME WITH YOUR LITTLE TEST.
WHY ISN'T THIS MASK COMING OFF?
- [hissing]
- UH...
MASTER...SHIFU? [gulps]
- [hissing]
- HOPPING GHOST!
- UH...UH...
[fighting grunts]
- [growling]
- COOL.
[fighting grunts]
OOF!
HA, HA!
AHH!
[yelping]
[whimpering]
YES!
GOTCHA!
NOT SO TOUGH WITHOUT YOUR BODY, NOW ARE YOU?
- [hissing]
- AHH! DEATH...BREATH.
[moaning]
- [hissing]
- PO.
PO!
- AAH!
- PO, DID YOU BORROW MY LOOFAH AGAIN?
- AHH, MASTER SHIFU! FANGS, CLAWS, DEATH BREATH!
WELL, MORE LIKE "PASS OUT" BREATH,
BUT STILL... IT'S A HOPPING GHOST!
- A HOPPING GHOST? THAT'S IMPOSSIBLE.
- [sighs] THERE'S NO ONE HERE BUT YOU.
YOU MUST'VE BEEN DREAMING. - BUT I SAW IT!
IT WAS GONNA FEAST ON MY BRAINS,
BUT I KNOCKED ITS HEAD OFF.
- YOU MEAN THIS HEAD? - AAH!
ANOTHER MASK?
- PACK YOUR THINGS. WE'RE GOING HOME IMMEDIATELY.
- GLADLY...
OH...
- YOUR BEHAVIOR'S AN EMBARRASSMENT
TO THE JADE PALACE. WHEN WE GET BACK,
YOU AND I ARE GOING TO HAVE A SERIOUS TALK.
- YES, SIR.
[shuddering]
- PO, MONKEY AND I WANTED YOU TO KNOW THAT WE BELIEVE YOU.
- AND WE'LL DO ANYTHING WE CAN TO HELP.
PUT 'ER THERE, PAL.
- AW, THANKS, GUYS.
THAT MEANS A LOT--AAH!
both: [laughing]
- IT'S A CARVED POTATO.
both: [laughing]
- PO, PO, GET IN HERE AT ONCE.
- [groans]
BEFORE YOU START, I JUST WANNA SAY YOU'RE RIGHT.
I'VE BEEN ACTING LIKE A SCARED LITTLE KID.
- PO-- - LET ME FINISH.
I'M DONE WITH THE WHOLE GHOST THING.
FROM NOW ON, I'LL BE RATIONAL, FEARLESS.
YOU'RE NOT GONNA HEAR ANY MORE TERRIFIED SHRIEKS OUT OF ME.
- I WOULDN'T BE TOO SURE ABOUT THAT.
- AAH!
- YOU WERE RIGHT ALL ALONG.
THEY MUST'VE FOLLOWED US BACK HERE.
both: [hissing]
- [hissing]
- UGH!
- OH!
- PO!
- MASTER SHIFU!
NO! OOF!
[groaning]
- PO?
- WHERE'S SHIFU?
- HE'S BEEN KIDNAPPED BY HOPPING GHOSTS.
THEY FLEW THROUGH THE AIR
AND THEN JUMPED THROUGH THAT MIRROR.
LIKE THIS!
OOF!
[thud] OOF!
- SHIFU IS GONE, AND THERE WAS DEFINITELY A STRUGGLE HERE.
- GUYS, YOU HAVE TO BELIEVE ME.
SHIFU'S IN BIG TROUBLE IF WE DON'T FIND HIM.
AND I THINK I KNOW WHERE TO START LOOKING.
- YOU'RE SURE YOU'RE NOT GETTING BACK AT US
FOR THE POTATO HAND? - TRUST ME, GUYS.
THIS IS WHERE THE GHOSTS HANG OUT.
I KNOW, I SAW THEM.
- WELL, YOU KEEP SAYING THAT,
BUT IT'S A LOT TO BELIEVE. - YEAH.
WHAT DID THESE GHOSTS EVEN LOOK LIKE?
- THEY WERE ALL SHRIVELED AND ICKY AND DECAY-Y.
both: [gasping]
- I KNOW. IT'S TERRIFYING.
PLUS, THEY MAKE HORRIBLE SOUNDS IN THEIR MOUTH HOLES.
both: AAH!
- NO, IT'S MORE LIKE..."ARGH!"
both: AAH!
- STILL NOT GETTING IT.
IT'S A "BACK OF THE THROAT" THING.
TRY TO PUT IT RIGHT...
AAH!
- DEFINITELY A "BACK OF THE THROAT" THING.
- SEE, I TOLD YOU.
I TOLD YOU I WAS RIGHT.
RIGHT, NOT REALLY THE TIME TO GLOAT.
- LET'S GET OUT OF HERE! all: AAH!
- IT'S OKAY.
IT'S THE NICE OLD UNDERTAKER GUY.
- AM I GLAD TO SEE YOU.
- I KNOW. IT WASN'T PRANKS.
THE GHOSTS ARE REAL. THIS IS BAD.
- YOU DON'T KNOW THE HALF OF IT.
[ominous laugh]
- UH, PO, WHO'S YOUR FRIEND HERE?
- I'M JUST A SIMPLE SOUL WHO'S RAISING AN UNDEAD ARMY
TO CONQUER CHINA.
- WHOA!
GOALS ARE IMPORTANT.
[gasps]
- [gasps]
- ALL I NEEDED WAS A WARRIOR TO LEAD THAT ARMY.
I TRIED TO GET YOU,
BUT SINCE YOU WERE SUCH A 'FRAIDY PANDA,
I DECIDED TO FIND SOMEONE EVEN BETTER.
all: AAH!
- [hissing]
all: AAH! - MASTER SHIFU!
- PO, WHAT HAPPENED TO HIM?
- HE'S BEEN BITTEN BY THE JIANG SHI.
HE'S BEING ZOMBIFIED.
- JUST LIKE I PROMISED, MY PETS,
FRESH, HEALTHY BRAINS.
EXCEPT MAYBE THE PANDA.
PROBABLY JUST GRISTLE.
- [growling]
[hissing]
- [grunting]
ARGH!
- [gasps]
AAH! - [hissing]
AH...OH...UH...UH!
OOF! - [hissing]
- [fighting sounds]
- AWW, I KNOW.
BRAIN-EATING'S HARD AT FIRST.
SHOW HIM HOW IT'S DONE.
EVERYONE!
- GUYS, WE CAN STILL SAVE SHIFU.
HE'LL TURN BACK TO NORMAL AT SUNRISE...
IF HE HASN'T FEASTED ON OUR BRAINS YET.
- NICE "IF."
[fighting noises]
- [hissing]
- [martial arts grunts]
NO!
- [kung fu howl]
[fighting grunts]
NO!
- AHH! [fighting sounds]
HEY! YAH!
AHH!
- THEY'RE UNSTOPPABLE.
- WE WON'T MAKE IT TO SUNRISE, AT THIS RATE.
- WE'VE GOT TO STAY UNEATEN. IT'S SHIFU'S ONLY HOPE.
- BE KIND OF NICE FOR US TOO.
- QUICK, BARRICADE THE DOOR!
- [kung fu yelp]
- [ninja cry]
- [martial arts howl]
HEH, LET'S SEE THEM GET THROUGH--
- [hissing]
- OH. RIGHT.
- NOW, DON'T SHOVE.
PLENTY OF BRAINS FOR EVERYONE.
[evil laugh]
- HE'S CONTROLLING THEM WITH THAT STAFF.
- [hissing]
- THERE'S TOO MANY.
- [fighting sounds]
- [yelping]
- [evil laugh]
- HUH?
[groaning]
[martial arts cry]
HA, HA!
NOW WHO'S YOUR GHOST DADDY...
UNDEAD...IES? HEH...HEH.
- GIVE ME MY STAFF!
YOU HAVE NO IDEA HOW TO USE ITS POWER.
- UH, I THINK I DO.
BACK!
WHOA, COOL.
FORWARD!
HA, HA, HA! NOW MAKE IT FUNKY.
[scatting]
- PO. - SORRY.
I COMMAND YOU ALL, FORGET YOUR ANGER.
RETURN TO THE EARTH AND BE AT PEACE...
FOREVER.
- AAH! NO! [frightened cries]
NO! MY GHOSTS! NO!
YOU BAD PANDA. I'LL GET YOU FOR THIS.
MY VENGEANCE WILL BE TERRIBLE.
TERRIBLE!
- UH, GHOST GUYS, WAIT.
I FORGOT SOMETHING.
COULD YOU DROP HIM OFF AT CHOR GHOM PRISON FIRST?
- NO! NO!
NO!
NOOOOOOOOOOO!
- GOOD WORK, PO.
- I LOVE A HAPPY ENDING.
- [hissing]
- I HAD TO OPEN MY MOUTH.
UH, BACK, SORT-OF-UNDEAD SHIFU.
- [hissing] - NO!
- WHY DIDN'T IT WORK?
- IT'S BECAUSE HE'S NOT FULLY A GHOST YET.
BUT IF SHIFU EATS OUR BRAINS BEFORE SUNRISE,
HE'LL BECOME A JIANG SHI PERMANENTLY.
OOF! AHH!
- UGH!
- OOF!
- UGH!
- OOF!
- THERE'S NO WAY TO FIGHT HIM.
WE'D HAVE TO BE--
- GHOSTS OURSELVES. I KNOW.
- PO, NO!
- IT'S THE ONLY WAY.
AFTER I'M BITTEN,
I MAY ONLY HAVE A FEW MINUTES OF PO LEFT IN HERE.
I'LL TRY TO KEEP HIM OFF YOU UNTIL SUNRISE.
- AW, MAN.
YOW!
[growling]
AWESOME!
[growling]
- PO! both: OOF!
- [growling]
UGH!
[irate grunting]
- YAH!
both: OOF!
- [growling] - [growling]
- PO, YOU DID IT.
BUT HOW WERE YOU ABLE TO CONTROL YOUR--
- [growling]
- OH, DARN.
SUNRISE.
[martial arts yowl]
- [growling]
- PO, SPEAK TO ME.
- UH...UGH...
UH...I DIDN'T EAT ANYONE'S BRAIN, DID I?
- OH...
PO, THE GHOSTS.
ARE THEY GONE?
- LOOKS THAT WAY, MASTER. WE'RE SAFE.
[burping] EW.
UH, SORRY, HA. LEFTOVER DEATH BREATH.
UNDEAD SHIFU CREPT CLOSER, CLOSER!
HIS HORRIFIED VICTIMS SUDDENLY REALIZED...
THAT PO HAD BEEN RIGHT ABOUT EVERYTHING.
[ominous laugh]
- YES, PO, FOR THE HUNDREDTH TIME,
YOU WERE RIGHT, AND WE WERE WRONG.
- SORRY, I WASN'T LISTENING.
COULD YOU ALL SAY THAT TOGETHER...
IN UNISON?
all: WE WERE WRONG.
- GHOST SMARTY-PANTS.