- WA-CHA! HIYAH!
- AND NOW DREAMWORKS' KUNG FU PANDA:
LEGENDS OF AWESOMENESS.
[gong]
- * HEAR THE LEGENDS OF THE KUNG FU PANDA *
- [scatting]
- * RAISED IN A NOODLE SHOP *
* NEVER SEEKING GLORY OR FAME *
* HE CLIMBED THE MOUNTAINTOP *
* AND EARNED THE DRAGON WARRIOR NAME *
OOH! AHH! YAH!
* KUNG FU PANDA
- [scatting]
- * MASTER SHIFU SAW THE WARRIOR BLOSSOM *
* AND MASTER THE SKILLS
* OF BODACIOUS AND AWESOME
* KUNG FU PANDA
- [scatting]
- * HE LIVES AND HE TRAINS AND HE FIGHTS *
* WITH THE FURIOUS FIVE
* PROTECT THE VALLEY SOMETHING SOMETHING *
* SOMETHING SOMETHING ALIVE
OOH! AHH! UHH!
* KUNG FU PANDA
* LEGENDS OF AWESOMENESS SWEET!
[koto music plays]
*
- BUT I'M INNOCENT!
- SO YOU DIDN'T USE KUNG FU
WITHOUT A PERMIT? - UM...
[grunting]
Y...AYBE.
BUT THEY WERE BANDITS ROBBING AN OLD LADY.
- YOU KNOW THE PROCEDURE, PO.
IF YOU WANT TO USE KUNG FU, COME TO ME.
I SEND A LETTER TO DISTRICT HQ
AND, QUICK AS A WINK, YOU HAVE YOUR PERMIT.
- DON'T YOU THINK THE BANDITS MIGHT HAVE,
YOU KNOW, GOTTEN AWAY BY THEN?
- IN THE LAST MONTH, YOU AND THE FURIOUS FIVE
HAVE ILLEGALLY USED KUNG FU...
437 TIMES.
THAT I KNOW OF.
- REALLY? THAT'S A LOT OF--
- AND THIS IS WHY I HAVE NO CHOICE BUT TO...
BAN KUNG FU COMPLETELY.
- WHAT?
- EFFECTIVE IMMEDIATELY,
KUNG FU IS OUTLAWED.
all: WHAT? - KUNG FU IS OUTLAWED.
- WHAT? KUNG FU IS OUTLAWED?
DO YOU HEAR THAT? KUNG FU IS OUTLAWED.
[cheering]
- THAT'S CRAZY. - ILLEGAL?
- YOU CAN'T DO THAT. - I CAN.
THE IMPERIAL EMBLEM GIVES ME THE AUTHORITY
TO MAKE LAWS.
IF I SEE ANY OF YOU DOING ANY KUNG FU AT ALL,
YOU'LL BE IN CHOR GHOM PRISON FASTER THAN YOU CAN SAY
"PLUM PUDDING PLATTER."
I'M RELEASING PO INTO YOUR CUSTODY.
- BUT-- - I SAID, "RUN ALONG!"
- NO, YOU DIDN'T.
- [sighs] WHAT ARE WE GONNA--
I CAN'T NOT DO KUNG FU. IT'S WHO I AM.
- LET'S HANG TIGHT UNTIL SHIFU GETS BACK
FROM HIS MEETING WITH MASTER CHAO.
HE'LL STRAIGHTEN THIS OUT. - AHH!
I CAN'T WAIT. LOOK AT ME.
I'M DOING THAT NERVOUS EATING THING AGAIN.
- YOU MUST GET NERVOUS A LOT.
- [gulps] OH, MAN!
I GOTTA GO FOR A WALK.
STILL NERVOUS. [grunting, licks fingers]
IT'S OKAY. IT'S FINE.
SHIFU WILL BE BACK IN A WEEK,
AND HE'LL TAKE CARE OF THIS.
AND COME ON, IT'S NOT LIKE I REALLY NEED
TO DO KUNG FU. - [lady screams]
HELP! - UH...
BUT I MIGHT KIND OF HAVE TO.
- YOU GOTTA HAVE MORE MONEY THAN THIS.
WHERE'S THE REST OF IT?
- AH! GOTTA DO SOMETHING.
BUT IF CONSTABLE HU SEES ME USE KUNG FU--
[gasps]
WHAT IF HE DIDN'T SEE ME?
- GIVE US THE MONEY OR--
[snap]
YOU'RE GOING TO TELL ME WHERE THE REST OF THE MONEY IS,
ONE WAY OR ANOTHER. - [stifled shout]
- JENG? - [gasp]
- YANLIN?
- LOOKING FOR THESE?
- WHO ARE YOU?
- YOUR WORST NIGHTMARE.
[bones crackle] - [gurgles]
[body thuds]
- ARE YOU OKAY?
- I KNOW WHO YOU ARE!
- WHAT? UH, NO YOU DON'T.
UH, 'CAUSE I'M NOT ANYONE
FOR YOU TO KNOW WHO IT IS THAT I'M NOT.
- YOU'RE THE MIDNIGHT STRANGER.
BUT I THOUGHT YOU WERE ONLY A LEGEND.
- THE MIDNIGHT STRANGER?
HMM. I'VE NEVER HEARD OF ME.
I MEAN, UH...
SEE YA.
I SHOULD PROBABLY TAKE THESE GUYS WITH ME TOO.
- * HUP-DEE-DUP-DEE-DUM
* HE'S THE IMPERIAL CONSTABLE
* AND IT'S EMINENTLY DEMONSTRABLE *
* THAT HE-- - [slam] OOH!
- OOH-HOO-AAH! OH!
WHAT THE DICKENS ARE YOU DOING?
- SOME MASKED NUTCASE PUT US IN HERE.
- WHAT? THAT'S NOT PROPER PROCEDURE.
JUST LET ME UNLOCK THE, UH--
- ARE YOU CRAZY? HE MIGHT STILL BE OUT THERE.
- [snoring]
- EH, PO. - COSSACKS!
- WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN YOUR OLD ROOM?
TO LAZY TO CLIMB THE JADE PALACE STEPS AGAIN, HUH?
- WHAT? NO. I JUST, UH,
WELL, YEAH.
HEY, DAD.
HAVE YOU EVER HEARD OF THE MIDNIGHT STRANGER?
- SURE. IT WAS A FABLE
PEOPLE USED TO TELL THEIR KIDS.
AH, YOU MEAN I NEVER TOLD YOU THE STORY?
OH, WELL.
LONG AGO, THERE WAS A VILLAGE
THAT WAS OVERRUN WITH BANDITS.
THINGS GOT SO BAD,
THAT THE BANDITS STARTED ROBBING THIEVES,
AND THE THIEVES STARTED ROBBING ROBBERS.
AND THAT'S WHEN THE MIDNIGHT STRANGER APPEARED.
HE CAME ONLY AT NIGHT.
HIS STRENGTH WAS SO GREAT
THAT NO ONE COULD STAND AGAINST HIM. [gasps]
OH, BEFORE LONG,
THE MIDNIGHT STRANGER HAD RID THE VILLAGE OF CRIME.
HIS WORK DONE, HE VANISHED
AS MYSTERIOUSLY AS HE HAD APPEARED.
CAN YOU BELIEVE THAT SOME PEOPLE REALLY BELIEVE THAT OLD STORY?
HO, HO.
- SOMEONE SAW HIM LAST NIGHT.
- I KNEW HE WAS REAL!
I KNEW IT! I KNEW IT! I KNEW IT!
THEY SAID HE WAS A MYTH,
BUT I NEVER BELIEVED THEM.
HE WAS MY HERO. SEE?
HERE IS MY MIDNIGHT STRANGER COMMEMORATIVE PLATE.
MY MIDNIGHT STRANGER CERAMIC FIGURINE!
MY MIDNIGHT STRANGER MAH-JONGG SET.
AND, LOOK, I MADE MY VERY OWN
MIDNIGHT STRANGER MASK OUT OF A MELON!
A MELON!
OH, I'M SO EXCITED HE'S REAL!
BOY, MAYBE I'LL CHANGE THE NAME OF THE PLACE
TO THE MIDNIGHT STRANGER NOODLE SHOP!
HEY, WHAT'S IN THE SACK?
- UH, LAUNDRY.
[clanking]
IT'S REALLY DIRTY.
- [softly] DID YOU HEAR THE AMAZING NEWS?
- THEY SAY THE MIDNIGHT STRANGER STOPPED A ROBBERY LAST NIGHT.
- I HEAR HE'S TEN FEET TALL.
- I HEAR HE CAN FLY!
- I HEAR HE SMELLS LIKE FRESH CHERRIES.
- DO YOU THINK HE'LL BE BACK? - [mumbling] I DON'T KNOW.
[clanking, crash]
- OH, YEAH. HE'LL BE BACK.
MORNING, ALL.
HEY, HOW 'BOUT THAT MIDNIGHT STRANGER, HUH?
- YOU MEAN THAT MASKED IDIOT
WHO WAS KUNG FU-ING IT UP IN TOWN LAST NIGHT?
- YEAH, I--WAIT.
YOU DON'T THINK HE'S, YOU KNOW, KIND OF A GOOD THING?
- A NUT JOB WHO ROAMS AROUND RANDOMLY BEATING PEOPLE UP?
NO. - AND YOU JUST KNOW
WE'RE GOING TO GET BLAMED FOR WHATEVER TROUBLE HE CAUSES.
- AND HE WEARS A MASK.
SO TACKY. - YOU KNOW WHAT?
I BET THIS GUY'S JUST ANOTHER BANDIT...RIGHT?
TRYING TO GET RID OF THE COMPETITION.
- WHAT? HE IS NOT!
- I MEAN, UH,
HE'S PROBABLY TRYING TO HELP.
HE'S-- HE'S PROBABLY--
- A RUGGEDLY HANDSOME LONE WOLF,
LIVING BY HIS OWN RULES,
ANSWERING TO NO ONE,
WAITING ONLY FOR HIS TRUE LOVE TO COME ALONG
AND TAME HIS UNBRIDLED, UH...
I'M GONNA GO WORK OUT.
- DESPITE THE NAY-SAYING OF A FEW JEALOUS PEERS,
[darkly] THE MIDNIGHT STRANGER STALKS THE NIGHT,
[grunts] LEAPING FROM BUILDINGS,
PERCHING ON LEDGES--
HIS THIRST FOR JUSTICE
EQUALED ONLY BY HIS THIRST FOR SOMETHING,
UH, THIRST...
UH, QUENCHING-- - [scream]
- UH-OH.
- [clank] HAND OVER YOUR MONEY.
- HA! - OOH.
- THANK YOU, MIDNIGHT STRANGER.
- HOLD IT RIGHT THERE, SCOFFLAW!
OOH!
- SORRY, CONSTABLE,
BUT IF YOU WANT TO TALK TO ME,
YOU'LL NEED TO APPLY TO DISTRICT HQ
FOR A PERMIT.
- [sputters] WHO THE DEUCE DO YOU THINK YOU ARE?
- THE STRANGER. THE MIDNIGHT STRANGER.
[crickets chirping]
[grunts]
- HOW CAN I EVER REPAY YOU?
- HOLD IT RIGHT THERE, MIDNIGHT STRANGER!
- YOU CAN PUT YOUR FOOT
RIGHT ABOUT HERE.
[footfall] STOP RIGHT--WHOA!
CURSE YOU, MIDNIGHT STRANGER.
CURSE YOU! AND STOP!
- STOP? [chuckles]
I'M JUST GETTING STARTED.
WHO'S NEXT?
- [scream]
- DAD! - [evil laugh]
- HA! - [gasps]
YOU ARE REAL! I KNEW IT! I KNEW IT!
- PREPARE FOR YOUR MEETING
WITH THE MIDNIGHT STRANGER.
[crossbows ratcheting]
- SO GLAD YOU'RE HERE. LOOK AT MY MIDNIGHT STRANGER
SALT AND PEPPER SHAKERS... [giggles]
MY MIDNIGHT STRANGER TEA COZY.
- [as PO] NOT NOW, DA-- [darkly] UH, CITIZEN.
- FIRE!
- [martial arts cries]
- OH! MY NEEDLEPOINT WALL HANGING!
- [cries of pain, crash]
HYAH!
[all grunting]
- STOP! - UHH!
- STOP IT! - OW!
[dainty footfall]
- [as Po] WHAT ARE YOU-- [darkly] THEY'RE GETTING AWAY.
- GOOD! - BUT I STOPPED THE ROBBERY.
- IF THEY ROBBED ME, THEY WOULD HAVE GOTTEN
THE 53 YUAN IN MY CASHBOX.
BUT INSTEAD, THEY WRECKED MY SHOP
AND ALL MY MEMORABILIA.
AND IT'S ALL THANKS TO YOU!
- UH, YOU'RE WELCOME?
- YOU'RE NOT THE REAL MIDNIGHT STRANGER.
YOU'RE JUST SOME CHEAP IMITATOR.
MIDNIGHT FAKER. [blows raspberry]
TAKE THAT MASK OFF. TAKE IT OFF!
- I-- NHAAH!
[voice breaks] STUPID, FAKE, MIDNIGHT STRANGER.
- WAY TO GO, PO.
- THIS MIDNIGHT STRANGER'S TOO MUCH FOR US.
WE GOTTA DO SOMETHING ABOUT HIM.
- DON'T WORRY ABOUT IT.
I KNOW SOMEONE WE CAN TALK TO--
SOMEONE WHO WILL TAKE CARE OF THAT MIDNIGHT STRANGER
FOR GOOD.
- OOH, UH, LIKE A-- LIKE A NANNY?
- NO! YOU--
I'LL GO GET HIM.
[clanking, crash]
[brushing]
[glass clinking]
- UH, WHATCHA DOING?
- OH, MAKING SURE THAT MIDNIGHT MENACE
DOESN'T COME BACK AND WRECK MORE OF MY THINGS.
JUST LOOK AT THIS PLACE. OH-HO-HO.
- UH, DAD,
ABOUT THE OTHER DAY.
UM, OH, THIS IS HARD,
BUT YOU NEED TO KNOW THAT I'M--
- THE MIDNIGHT STRANGER WAS MY IDOL!
NOW SOME TWO-BIT IMITATOR COMES AND DESTROYS MY SHOP.
I DESPISE HIM. I DETEST HIM!
I REALLY DON'T LIKE THAT GUY!
[sighs] SO, YOU'RE GOING TO TELL ME
THAT YOU'RE THE...WHAT?
- I'M THE...
GUY WHO'S HERE TO HELP YOU FIX UP THE SHOP?
- LATER, PO.
[sobbing] I JUST CAN'T BEAR TO LOOK AT MY...
BROKEN TREASURES.
JUST LEAVE ME ALONE.
[sobs] ALL THAT'S LEFT IS MY MELON MASK.
- DAD, I CAN-- - GO!
YOU KNOW WHAT?
THIS TOWN NEEDS A REAL MIDNIGHT STRANGER.
- GAH! THIS IS GETTING COMPLICATED.
CONSTABLE HU IS CHASING ME,
MY DAD IS ALL MAD AT ME THAT HE DOESN'T KNOW IS ME,
AND--TIGRESS?
WHAT ARE YOU DOING HERE?
- OH, UM, YOU KNOW,
I JUST THOUGHT I'D SEE IF, UH,
MAYBE THE MIDNIGHT STRANGER WAS AROUND.
MAYBE HE NEEDS SOME HELP OR HE'S JUST--
- [sniffs] ARE YOU WEARING PERFUME?
- NO! OF COURSE NOT.
MAYBE A LITTLE.
I'M GONNA GO WORK OUT.
- OH, MAN.
I WANNA TELL HER SO BAD, IT'S LIKE I GOTTA PEE.
- PO. THE VERY FELLOW
I'VE BEEN LOOKING FOR.
NOW, LISTEN. UM--
[clearing throat]
HOW WOULD YOU LIKE THE OPPORTUNITY TO, UH--
- TO DO WHAT? - SHH!
- TO DO WHAT?
- DO A LITTLE KUNG FU.
- WHAT? YOU OUTLAWED--
- I KNOW, I KNOW, I KNOW.
BUT I'LL LET YOU USE KUNG FU ON...
THE MIDNIGHT STRANGER.
- UH, THAT'S, UH, GONNA BE--I--
- WHAT? DO YOU NOT HATE
AND DESPISE THE MIDNIGHT STRANGER?
- WHAT? YES. I MEAN, I--
- ARE YOU SECRETLY WORKING WITH HIM?
- OF COURSE NOT.
- GOOD. [sputters] IT'S SETTLED THEN.
DRINK LOTS OF GREEN TEA
AND MEET ME IN THE TRASH HEAP BEHIND THE APPLE CART.
- [scoffs] THIS IS RIDICULOUS!
NOW I HAVE TO STAKE OUT MYSELF?
IT'S OVER. NO MORE MIDNIGHT STRANGER.
WHAT WAS I THINKING?
YOU WEREN'T.
THANKS, I KNOW.
[crickets chirping]
SO, IT'S A 24-HOUR APPLE CART?
- THE SUN NEVER SETS ON GOOD NUTRITION.
- YEAH, [grunts] WELL,
I THINK YOU CAN RELAX.
I HAVE A FEELING IT'S GOING
TO BE A LONG, MIDNIGHT STRANGER-FREE NIGHT.
- [clink] LET'S GO, DUCK!
HAND OVER YOUR MONEY!
- A BANDIT!
WHAT ARE YOU DOING?
- WE WAIT. - WHAT?
- HELP! HELP! HELP!
- SHUT YOUR BEAK AND GIVE ME YOUR MONEY.
- [grunts] HEY!
- WE WAIT FOR THE MIDNIGHT STRANGER.
- THE MIDNIGHT--
HE'S NOT GOING TO SHOW. - HOW DO YOU KNOW?
- BECAUSE-- - FREEZE, EVILDOER!
- UHH! - OHH!
- [gasps] THE MIDNIGHT STRANGER!
- WHAT?
- OH.
- TAKE A WOK, MISCREANT.
- HA! HOLD IT RIGHT THERE, MIDNIGHT STRANGER.
- WAIT, NO! HE'S--
- [gasps] MR. PING!
- NO ONE EVER SUSPECTS THE GOOSE.
[laughs]
- GOOD THING WE SAVED HIM, HUH?
- SAVED HIM? YOU MEAN CAUGHT HIM.
- WHAT?
- YOU ARE GOING TO PRISON FOR A LONG TIME, BOY-OH.
- WHAT?
- COME ALONG, PING. IT'S CHOR GHOM PRISON FOR YOU.
- CONSTABLE HU, THAT'S MY DAD.
HE'S NOT THE ONE YOU WANT.
- THEN WHO IS?
- UH, WELL...
- BECAUSE WITHOUT SUBSTANTIAL PROOF,
YOUR FATHER IS GOING TO BE SPENDING
THE REST OF HIS LIFE IN PRISON!
- YEAH! SHOW ME THAT FAKER.
- AHH! AHH! UM...
LOOK! IT'S THE REAL MIDNIGHT STRANGER!
- WHAT? WHERE? - WAIT HERE.
I'LL GET HIM.
I-I HAVE YOU NOW,
[clanking] MIDNIGHT STRANGER!
[clanking] - OH, NO! OOH! OW!
NO MORE HITTING! OW! I AM UNCONSCIOUS.
UNHAND THAT IMPOSTOR!
IT IS I YOU WANT!
OH! HEY!
- I'LL RIP HIS ARMS OFF.
- CAREFUL, CITIZEN. I DON'T WANT TO--
AAH! HEY, CUT IT OUT, CITIZEN!
- SEE HERE, PING.
- OH, LET ME AT HIM.
TAKE THAT, DREAM-SQUASHER! - OW!
- TAKE THAT! TAKE THAT! - AHH! OW!
- TAKE THAT! TAKE THAT! - OH-HO! OOH!
WHAT ARE YOU DOING? PLEASE DON'T! DON'T!
DAD! - DAD?
[gasps] - [gasps]
- YOU! NO, YOU!
SON, YOU WERE THE MIDNIGHT STRANGER ALL ALONG?
- I WAS JUST TRYING TO DO WHAT'S RIGHT.
I'M SORRY I DIDN'T TELL YOU.
YOU WERE SO MAD, AND-- - PO...
YOU AND YOUR LYING FACE ALMOST GOT ME SENT
TO THE BIG HOUSE!
NOW, IF YOU'LL EXCUSE ME,
I'M GOING TO GO REPAIR THE DAMAGE TO MY SHOP!
- SORRY, CONSTABLE HU.
I JUST-- - MADE IT EASY FOR ME.
- WHAT ARE YOU DOING? - KEEPING THE PEACE.
- HUH? - LUCKY FOR YOU,
I'M NOT A VIOLENT MAN.
[clanking] - I'M AFRAID HIS LUCK...
JUST RAN OUT.
- WHAT THE DONKEY?
- GET OVER HERE, HU. - WHY?
SO YOU CAN THRASH ME WITH YOUR HICKORY STICK?
- WHAT? NO.
WE LIKE YOU. YOU'RE ON OUR SIDE.
- WHAT? [laughter]
- OUTLAWING KUNG FU WAS A MASTERSTROKE!
[laughter] - IT--IT WAS?
- YES, SIR. YOU'RE THE BEST THING
THAT HAPPENED TO US-- BIG FANS.
- OHH...WHAT HAVE I DONE?
- SO THE MIDNIGHT STRANGER AND THE DRAGON WARRIOR
ARE THE SAME GUY, HUH?
- GUESS WE'LL GET RID OF BOTH OF 'EM AT ONCE.
- GUYS, EVEN HANDCUFFED, YOU KNOW I CAN KICK YOUR BUTTS.
- THAT'S WHY WE BROUGHT OUR LITTLE FRIEND.
[heavy footfall]
- LIDONG?
- HE SAID "LITTLE" IRONICALLY.
- YEAH, FIGURED THAT OUT.
- [growls]
[sputters] - [Kung Fu shout] OW.
- [laughs] - NOW SEE HERE!
- [laughs, growls]
- WHOA!
[martial arts cries]
- UH-GUH! - UH-HUH.
WHO'S YOUR DRAGON MIDNIGHT WARRIOR STRANGER NOW, HUH?
ME, THAT'S WH--UGH!
[cracking]
[grunting] HAVEN'T YOU EVER HEARD OF PERSONAL SPACE?
[crash]
- WHAT THE--
- I THINK YOU BROKE MY HANDCUFFS.
SHAKABOOEY! - OHH HO!
HYUH!
WHO'S NEXT? KYAH!
[all growling]
[martial arts cries]
- AGH! - OHH!
- [martial arts cries]
- SO I'M THE BEST THING THAT EVER HAPPENED TO YOU, EH?
all: HUH?
WAH...DOH!
- WELL, NOW I'M THE WORST.
WHA-HA-HA! WA-GA-DOON!
- WHOA-OH-OH! - I GOT IT, CONSTABLE.
- [laughs and grunts]
- SERIOUSLY. UNDER CONTROL.
- AAH! - WA-GO-WAH!
UHH!
- HEH, NICELY DONE.
BUT DON'T YOU KINDA NEED A PERMIT TO DO THAT?
- BLAST THE PERMIT, PO.
LET'S THRASH THESE BLACKGUARDS!
- YES, SIR. HYAH!
AAH HA! - [growls]
- OHH...STARTING NOW--
OW! STOP SLAMMING!
DON'T! HEAD! OW!
- HIYAH! [spear bounces]
- OOH! OOH!
- HOODLUM! - BLAH!
- FACE THE HAMMER OF JUSTICE!
- [martial arts cries]
NOW IT'S TIME FOR--
- AAAAH!
- OH, NO.
- YOU, SIR, ARE UNDER ARREST.
AND, IN THE MORNING, IT'S CHOR GHOM PRISON
FOR THE LOT OF YOU.
- [groans]
[panting]
SO... [coughs]
I GUESS YOU'RE LIFTING THE BAN ON KUNG FU?
MAYBE? PRETTY PLEASE?
- [chuckles] CONSIDER IT LIFTED.
- YES!
- BUT YOU'LL STILL NEED TO GET A PERMIT.
- NO!
- I DON'T HAVE THE AUTHORITY TO CHANGE THAT.
THEN WE'D HAVE TO FILL OUT CERTAIN--
- IS EVERYONE OKAY? - WHAT'S GOING ON?
- OH, IT'S THE MIDNIGHT STR-- AAH!
IT'S PO?
I'M GONNA GO...
all: WORK OUT.
- NO... THROW UP.
- [giggles]
- DAD. HEY, LOOK, I'M...
I'M REALLY SORRY ABOUT...
WELL, EVERYTHING.
- IT'S OKAY, PO.
YOU'RE STILL THE BEST SON A FATHER COULD ASK FOR.
- I WAS--
- BUT LEAVE THAT HERO STUFF TO ME.
[giggles]
LONG LIVE THE MIDNIGHT STRANGER!
WHOO-HOO!
- OH, GOOD.