- WA-CHA! HIYA!
- AND NOW, DREAMWORKS' KUNG FU PANDA:
LEGENDS OF AWESOMENESS.
[gong rings]
- * HEAR THE LEGENDS OF THE KUNG FU PANDA *
[scatting]
* RAISED IN A NOODLE SHOP *
* NEVER SEEKING GLORY OR FAME *
* HE CLIMBED THE MOUNTAINTOP *
* AND EARNED THE DRAGON WARRIOR NAME *
OOH! AHH! YAH!
* KUNG FU PANDA
[scatting]
* MASTER SHIFU SAW THE WARRIOR BLOSSOM *
* AND MASTER THE SKILLS
* OF BODACIOUS AND AWESOME
* KUNG FU PANDA
[scatting]
* HE LIVES AND HE TRAINS AND HE FIGHTS *
* WITH THE FURIOUS FIVE
* PROTECT THE VALLEY SOMETHING SOMETHING *
* SOMETHING SOMETHING ALIVE *
* OOH! AH! OOH!
* KUNG FU PANDA
* LEGENDS OF AWESOMENESS
SWEET!
- I SEE YOU.
[chuckles]
I SEE YOU, MR. COOKIE.
THERE'S NO EVADING MY MOUTH OF FURY!
[snoring]
- [sighs]
[inhales deeply]
[clink]
OW!
PO.
- GOOD MORNING!
HOW YOU DOING THERE, TIGRESS?
EW, THAT LOOKS TERRIBLE.
MM. UGH! [spits]
I DON'T KNOW HOW YOU CAN EAT THAT.
ME, I LIKE BEAN BUNS IN THE MORNING.
IT'S THE PERFECT BREAKFAST FOOD.
JUST BEAN AND BUN. MMM.
- GOOD MORNING! - YUMMY.
- OOH, BEAN BUNS. - YUMMY.
TIGRESS AND I WERE JUST TALKING ABOUT HOW BEAN BUNS
ARE THE PERFECT BREAKFAST FOOD.
JUST BEAN AND BUNS. COMBINED.
- NO, I THINK THEY HAVE SOMETHING ELSE.
- NOPE. - YEAH.
- THEY'RE JUST BEAN AND BUN COMBINED.
- SO WHAT'S IN A SPRING ROLL?
- SPRING AND ROLL, COMBINED.
- [chuckles] YEAH.
[munching]
[gulp]
- THEY'RE ALMOST HERE!
[panting]
- EMERGENCY! EMER--EMERGENCY!
EMERGENCY! EMERGENCY!
[gong clanging] OHH! UHH! UHH!
- WHAT ABOUT SIZZLING RICE?
- RICE AND SIZZLE, COMBINED.
- AAAAGH! - WHAT'S THAT?
- EMERGENCY! - I DON'T KNOW.
- SOUNDS LIKE ZENG.
- WHAT'S HE SHOUTING ABOUT?
- MUST BE SOME SORT OF TROUBLE.
- I WONDER WHAT IT IS.
- GEE, I DON'T KNOW.
MAYBE YOU SHOULD ALL JUST KEEP SITTING AROUND,
TALKING ABOUT IT. - ARE YOU SURE?
'CAUSE IT KIND OF SOUNDS LIKE HE NEEDS US.
- OH, THEY'RE COMING UP! OHH!
COME ON, THEY'RE ALMOST HERE!
- SHE WAS BEING SARCASTIC.
- OH.
- EMERGENC... [wheezes]
[croaking] HURRY...HURRY...
- ZENG, WHAT IS IT?
- [wheezing]
[coughing]
- WHAT? - I'LL HANDLE THIS.
MY DAD'S A GOOSE.
[cracking bones]
WHAT?
- WHAT'S GOING ON OUT HERE?
- AAH! [thud]
- [wheezing and croaking]
- HE'S SAYING, "SOMEONE'S COMING UP THE STAIRS."
- WHO?
- [gasps] MUGAN.
- MUGAN? MISTRESS MUGAN?
THIS COURTYARD IS AN ABSOLUTE MESS.
CLEAN IT UP RIGHT NOW.
- WHO'S MISTRESS MUGAN?
- OH, NO ONE SPECIAL.
- THEN, UH, WHAT'S THE BIG DEAL?
- SHE WAS BEING SARCASTIC.
- MISTRESS MUGAN IS ONE OF THE MOST IMPORTANT
AND REVERED KUNG FU MASTERS IN ALL OF CHINA.
- AND SUPER-MYSTERIOUS.
SHE HARDLY EVER LEAVES THE GARNET PALACE.
- THEY SAY IT'S LIKE A FORTRESS.
[clang] - GUH!
[grunting] OKAY...THAT'S A LOT.
- [gasps]
[grunting]
[gong striking repeatedly]
[doors squeak]
[gong continues]
[gong stops]
- MISTRESS MUGAN.
[gurgling]
[all gasp]
- WHAT? "WHOA" WHAT?
[clank]
A FISH? YOU'RE KIDDING.
- [gasps]
- [sheepish laugh]
- [sighs]
- MISTRESS MUGAN,
PLEASE FORGIVE MY STUDENT'S INSOLENCE.
WELCOME TO THE--
- WE MUST TALK--NOW.
IN PRIVATE.
- THEY'VE BEEN IN THERE FOREVER.
WHAT IS HAPPENING?
- HEY, BUDDY.
KNOW WHAT'S GOING ON IN THERE?
OH, I GET IT.
YOU'RE DOING THAT FROZEN GUARD OF HONOR
NO DISTRACT-Y THINGY.
[chuckles] COOL.
DAAAAH!
[speaking gibberish]
AH-BLAH-BLAH-BLAH-BLAH.
[babbling gibberish]
[goofy laugh]
HEE-HOO! HEE-HOO! HEE-HOO! HEE-HOO!
OKAY, THEN.
GOOD TALK.
COOL.
- [sighs]
MISTRESS MUGAN WOULD LIKE TO HAVE A WORD WITH YOU ALL.
- I'LL GET RIGHT TO THE POINT.
MY TOP WARRIOR AT THE GARNET PALACE
IS NO LONGER ABLE TO FULFILL HIS DUTIES.
I'M HERE SEEKING HIS REPLACEMENT.
AND SHIFU HAS GRACIOUSLY AGREED
TO LET ME OFFER THE POSITION
TO ONE OF YOU FIVE.
- UM, THERE'S SIX OF US.
SEE? 1, 2, 3, 4--
- PO.
- OKAY, WELL, YOU GET THE POINT.
AND IF YOU THINK ONE OF THE SIX OF US
IS GONNA LEAVE THE JADE PALACE, YOU'RE--
- SILENCE!
I WASN'T TALKING TO YOU, PANDA.
I'M TALKING TO THEM!
REAL WARRIORS WHO'VE WORKED HARD
TO GET WHERE THEY ARE,
AND WEREN'T LUCKY ENOUGH TO BUNGLE THEIR WAY TO THE TOP.
BECAUSE OF SOME RIDICULOUS QUIRK OF FATE.
- DID SHE JUST INSULT ME?
- YEAH. - THOUGHT SO.
- HONESTLY, HOW DO YOU PUT UP WITH HIM?
NOW THEN...
IF ONE OF YOU DECIDES TO ACCEPT MY OFFER,
KNOW THIS:
THE GARNET PALACE IS A PLACE
OF ABSOLUTE DISCIPLINE AND DEDICATION TO KUNG FU.
I'LL PUSH YOU HARD.
I WILL TAKE YOU TO THE PRECIPICE
OF PERFECTION!
YOU HAVE UNTIL THIS EVENING TO GIVE ME AN ANSWER.
[laughter]
- "I'LL TAKE YOU TO THE PRECIPICE OF PERFECTION."
[laughter]
- WHO THE HECK DOES SHE THINK SHE IS?
WHO'D WANT TO LEAVE THE JADE PALACE
TO GO LIVE WITH HER?
- OH, NOT ME, THAT'S FOR SURE!
- ME, NEITHER. - NO WAY!
- FORGET IT. - ME.
- [laughing] SARCASM!
[laughing]
- UH...I'M THINKING NOT.
- I'VE ALREADY TALKED WITH MISTRESS MUGAN.
WE LEAVE TONIGHT.
I SHOULD GO PACK MY THINGS.
- TIGRESS!
WAIT UP.
WHAT ARE YOU DOING?
I'VE MADE UP MY MIND, PO.
- BUT WHY?
- WHEN I HEARD MISTRESS MUGAN
TALK ABOUT THE GARNET PALACE,
I REALIZED THAT'S WHERE I BELONG.
- NO, YOU DON'T. WHAT ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT?
YOU BELONG AT THE JADE PALACE.
IT'S YOUR HOME. YOU LOVE IT HERE.
- NOT ANYMORE.
- OH, YEAH? SINCE WHEN.
- SINCE YOU CAME!
IT'S THE TRUTH.
BEFORE YOU SHOWED UP, WE DIDN'T SPEND OUR TIME
TALKING ABOUT BEAN BUNS OR SPRING ROLLS
OR WHAT OUR FAVORITE MUSHROOM IS
OR HOW MANY DWARVES WE'VE MET
OR BEING EMBARRASSED EVERY TIME YOU OPEN YOUR MOUTH.
ALL WE DID WAS TAKE KUNG FU SERIOUSLY!
- I TAKE KUNG FU SERIOUSLY.
- YOU--YOU SPENT ALL OF YESTERDAY'S TRAINING
SHOWING MONKEY HOW TO MAKE FART NOISES WITH HIS ARM PITS.
- [laughs]
UH, I MEAN, OKAY. I'M SORRY.
LOOK, I WON'T DO STUFF LIKE THAT ANYMORE.
I'LL CHANGE, I PROMISE.
JUST...DON'T GO.
- IT'S ME.
I DON'T BELONG HERE ANYMORE.
[clears throat]
- MASTER SHIFU.
- YOU MUST FOLLOW YOUR OWN PATH, TIGRESS.
BUT...ARE YOU SURE THIS IS WHAT YOU WANT?
- YES, MASTER.
- HMM.
THEN ALL I CAN SAY, "GOOD LUCK."
- THANK YOU.
[sighs]
I'M READY.
- YOU UNDERSTAND THAT, ONCE WE LEAVE,
YOU BECOME A WARRIOR OF THE GARNET PALACE.
THERE IS NO COMING BACK.
- I...UNDERSTAND.
[gong clanging]
- I LOVE THE SOUND OF A GONG.
IT'S SO...STERN.
AH.
THERE.
THE GARNET PALACE.
- NO DISTRACTIONS. NO ANNOYANCES.
AND ABSOLUTELY NO UNDISCIPLINED PANDAS.
- IT'S BEEN A LONG JOURNEY.
REST. YOU'LL NEED YOUR STRENGTH FOR TOMORROW'S TRAINING.
- NO, I DON'T NEED TO REST.
I'M READY TO BEGIN NOW.
- LET'S SEE WHAT YOU CAN DO.
- HYUH! HUH! AH!
HYUH! HUH!
HYAH!
[martial arts grunts, boards breaking]
- YOU'RE QUITE POWERFUL.
- THANK YOU. - THAT WASN'T A COMPLIMENT.
THAT MAY HAVE BEEN ACCEPTABLE AT THE JADE PALACE,
BUT NOT HERE.
YOU LACK PRECISION.
LET'S SEE HOW YOU DO AGAINST AN OPPONENT.
- UH...WHO?
- ME.
- WITH RESPECT, MISTRESS, I--
- HYUH!
- UHH!
HYUH!
- UHH! AGH!
[splash]
[breathlessly] THAT...WAS AMAZING!
- THAT WAS PRECISION.
- YOUR ROOM.
- MISTRESS DOESN'T CARE FOR NEEDLESS ORNAMENTATION.
- IT'S... ABSOLUTELY PERFECT.
[door squeaks]
- "SO YOU'LL NEVER FORGET US. LOVE, PO."
[sighs]
- [sighs]
[indistinct whispering]
[both gasp]
- HI, ARE...
[frustrated grunt]
- WELL? WHAT DO YOU THINK?
IF THIS ISN'T THE ROOM OF A DISCIPLINED WARRIOR
WHO TAKES KUNG FU SERIOUSLY,
I DON'T KNOW WHAT IS.
SEE? EVERYTHING ORGANIZED.
NEATLY PUT AWAY.
JUST WANTED TO SHOW YOU THAT I CAN CHANGE, TIGRESS.
AND I'M GONNA CHANGE, FOR YOU.
THE JADE PALACE IS YOUR HOME.
YOU'VE GOTTA COME BACK.
AND YOU'RE GONNA COME BACK.
[door creaks and slams shut]
- MISTRESS MUGAN IS READY TO CONTINUE.
- [groans softly]
- WU YONG, WHAT HAPPENED TO MISTRESS MUGAN'S
LAST WARRIOR?
- HE FAILED HER.
HE WAS VERY PROMISING WHEN HE ARRIVED.
EAGER TO LEARN FROM MUGAN,
TO DEVOTE HIMSELF ENTIRELY TO HER IDEAL
OF FOCUS AND PRECISION.
HE TRAINED RED AND NIGHT.
NOTHING MATTERED BUT KUNG FU.
BUT NO MATTER HOW HARD HE TRIED...
MUGAN WAS NEVER SATISFIED.
HE WAS NEVER PRECISE ENOUGH, NEVER HAD ENOUGH CONTROL.
BUT HE DID NOT GIVE UP.
YEAR AFTER YEAR, HE TRIED TO IMPROVE,
UNTIL, AT LAST...
HIS BODY BEGAN TO FAIL HIM.
HE HAD LIVED HIS WHOLE LIFE FOR KUNG FU!
NOW, WITHOUT IT,
HE HAD NOTHING ELSE.
HE WAS BROKEN.
[heels clacking slowly]
- [gasps]
IT'S YOU.
YOU'RE THE WARRIOR.
WHAT DID SHE DO TO YOU?
- BY FOCUSING ONLY ON KUNG FU,
I DID IT TO MYSELF.
AND NOW, YOU, TIGRESS, ARE--
- WHAT'S TAKING SO LONG?! [door slams]
- MISTRESS MUGAN, FORGIVE ME.
BUT I THINK I'VE MADE A TERRIBLE MISTAKE.
- I'M AFRAID I MUST RETURN TO THE JADE PALACE.
- I UNDERSTAND COMPLETELY.
- THANK YOU.
[door slams]
[grunts]
LET ME OUT OF HERE!
- YOU BELONG TO ME NOW.
AND, LIKE THE OTHERS BEFORE YOU,
I WILL BREAK YOU.
BREAK YOU!
- [Po panting]
WHOO!
[heavy breathing]
HUH?
- YES?
- I WANNA SEE MASTER TIGRESS.
- TIGRESS DOESN'T WANT TO SEE YOU.
- I DON'T CARE! I NEED TO TALK TO HER.
- SHE WANTS NOTHING TO DO WITH YOU, PANDA.
NOW LEAVE!
- COME BACK HERE! LET ME IN!
- LET ME OUT! LET...ME...OUT OF HERE!
- [grunting]
ALL RIGHT. I KNOW WHEN I'M LICKED.
YOU WIN! I GIVE UP.
GONNA...GO NOW!
[footsteps fading] SEE YA! GOOD-BYE.
IT'S A LONG WALK. BYE.
TIGRESS?
AH!
TIGRESS? TIGRESS?
- PO?
PO! IN HERE!
- TIGRESS? WHERE ARE YOU
- IN HERE. DOWN THE HALL.
FOLLOW MY VOICE, PO.
- TIGRESS!
OKAY, I KNOW YOU DON'T WANNA SEE ME,
BUT I JUST NEED TO TELL YOU THIS ONE THING.
- PO! - NO, LET ME TALK.
I KNOW YOU SAID THAT I DON'T TAKE KUNG FU SERIOUSLY.
- PO! - JUST LET ME FINISH!
I'M GONNA CHANGE.
I'M GONNA CHANGE BECAUSE THE JADE PALACE
IS AS MUCH YOUR HOME AS IT IS MINE, AND--
CAN YOU OPEN THIS DOOR SO WE CAN TALK ABOUT THIS?
- NO! - OH.
OKAY. - BECAUSE I CAN'T.
I'M LOCKED IN. NOW GET ME OUT OF HERE!
- OH! YOU'RE LO-- RIGHT!
UH, MOVE ASIDE.
[grunts]
[growls]
[thudding]
OWW! THERE GOES THAT SHOULDER.
- IF YOU EVER CHANGE, I'LL KILL YOU.
- AGH! THERE GOES THE OTHER SHOULDER.
- NOW LET'S GET OUTTA HERE. - OOH!
- I THOUGHT I TOLD YOU YOU'RE MINE!
- SORRY, MISTRESS MUGAN, BUT I'M GOING HOME.
- THIS IS YOUR HOME!
YOU WERE BORN TO TRAIN HERE WITH ME--
TO DEVOTE YOURSELF TOTALLY TO KUNG FU!
- I CAN'T BELIEVE I'M SAYING THIS,
BUT THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN KUNG FU.
- LIKE WHAT?
[farting sounds]
- [laughing] NICE!
[cackling]
- OH!
- HA HA!
EW! [grunting]
- [grunting]
PHEW!
AH.
- UGH!
[both grunting]
- [chuckling]
YOU WILL NEVER LEAVE.
- AH!
OOH!
- THAT'S IT!
- [gasping]
[yelps]
[shrieks]
[grunts]
- YOU'RE NOT GOING ANYWHERE.
YOU'RE MINE!
- YOU KNOW WHAT, MISTRESS?
YOU REALLY NEED TO LIGHTEN UP.
- THANK YOU.
SHE'S...A REAL JERK.
- YOU'RE WELCOME.
- SO YOU WANNA LEARN HOW TO BURP TALK?
- I DON'T THINK SO. - YOU SURE?
- YEAH. - 'CAUSE I CAN TEACH YOU.
- NO, THANKS. - IT'S EASY.
- NO. - [burping] SUPER EASY.
WELCOME BACK, TIGRESS.