- WA-CHA! HIYA!
- AND NOW DREAMWORKS' KUNG FU PANDA:
LEGENDS OF AWESOMENESS.
[gong rings]
* HEAR THE LEGENDS OF THE KUNG FU PANDA *
[scatting]
* RAISED IN A NOODLE SHOP *
* NEVER SEEKING GLORY OR FAME *
* HE CLIMBED THE MOUNTAINTOP *
* AND EARNED THE DRAGON WARRIOR NAME *
OOH! AHH! YAH!
* KUNG FU PANDA
[scatting]
* MASTER SHIFU SAW THE WARRIOR BLOSSOM *
* AND MASTER THE SKILLS
* OF BODACIOUS AND AWESOME
* KUNG FU PANDA
[scatting]
* HE LIVES AND HE TRAINS AND HE FIGHTS *
* WITH THE FURIOUS FIVE
* PROTECT THE VALLEY SOMETHING SOMETHING *
* SOMETHING SOMETHING ALIVE *
OOH! AH! OOH!
* KUNG FU PANDA
* LEGENDS OF AWESOMENESS
SWEET!
[thunderous stomping]
- LEGEND TELLS OF THE AWESOMELY AWESOME GIANT,
CHARITABLE CHAN!
HE SOUGHT OUT THE RICH AND FANCY,
DISTRIBUTING THEIR SHINY COINS TO THOSE IN NEED,
KNOWING THAT THERE WAS NOTHING BETTER THAN THOSE WHO HAVE
GIVING TO THOSE WHO DO NOT AND SO...
[scatting dramatically]
[coins jingling]
- I'M GUESSING YOU'RE ASKING FOR A DONATION.
- FOR THE NEW CHILDREN'S HOSPITAL.
GOOD CAUSE. [chuckles]
I ENCOURAGE YOU ALL TO GIVE TILL IT HURTS.
OWW!
YOU! HURTS YOU!
- SOUNDS AWESOME. - GOOD JOB, PO.
- UH, SORRY, PO. I SPENT MY LAST FEW COINS
ON A NEW NASAL IRRIGATOR. AIN'T SHE A BEAUT?
BUT, UH, I'D BE HAPPY TO DONATE MY SERVICES IN ANY WAY I CAN.
UH, EXCUSE ME.
[spraying] [mucusy sloshing]
[strained honk]
- WAIT A MINUTE, GREAT IDEA!
WE CAN ALL DONATE OUR SERVICES!
- WHICH MEANS?
- WE'LL HOLD A JADE PALACE FANCY PANTS AUCTION!
- YOU MEAN GET PEOPLE TO BID MONEY ON US?
- RIGHT. WHOEVER BIDS THE MOST GETS TO SPEND THE DAY
WITH THEIR FAVORITE KUNG FU MASTER.
IS THAT AN INCREDIBLY AWESOME IDEA OR WHAT?
- I DOUBT MASTER SHIFU WOULD APPROVE.
- HE WON'T KNOW.
HE'S OFF ON HIS YEARLY PILGRIMAGE
TO ENHANCE HIS SPIRITUAL POWERS.
- [relaxed sighing]
JUST A LITTLE TO THE LEFT.
THERE--AH! THANK YOU.
- YEAH, NO AUCTION FOR ME, PO.
WHAT IF MRS. YOON BIDS ON ME?
I'D HAVE TO SPEND THE DAY WITH HER.
SHE SMELLS LIKE PASTE!
PASTE!
- COME ON, YOU GUYS ARE THE FURIOUS FIVE.
WHERE'S YOUR FURIOUS FEISTINESS?
OH, OKAY. I GET IT.
I'LL OBVIOUSLY FETCH THE HIGHEST DONATION,
'CAUSE I'M THE MOST POPULAR KUNG FU MASTER.
YOU GUYS ARE JUST SCARED THAT YOU'LL GET SMOKED.
- MOST POPULAR KUNG FU DOOFUS IS MORE LIKE IT.
I'M IN. - IT'S ON, PANDA!
- YOU'RE A GLUTTON FOR HUMILIATION.
- YES! ANOTHER VICTORY FOR CHARITABLE CHAN!
[scatting dramatically] - STOP THAT.
- YEAH.
- HELLO! AND WELCOME TO THE JADE PALACE
MASTER OF KUNG FU CHARITY AUCTION!
[crowd cheers]
BROUGHT TO YOU BY PING'S NOODLE SHOP.
THIS WEEK ONLY, ALL NOODLE SOUP PROFITS
GO DIRECTLY TO THE NEW CHILDREN'S HOSPITAL.
all: YAY!
- BUT NOT DESSERT PROFITS.
all: AWW.
- BUT LET'S NOT GO CUCKOO CRAZY HERE.
HMM...OKAY, DESSERT PROFITS TOO.
all: YAY!
- OKAY, OKAY. LET'S GET RIGHT TO THE BIDDING.
FIRST UP, MASTER TIGRESS!
[cheers and applause]
- WATCH AND LEARN, CHARITABLE CHUMP.
- ACTUALLY, IT'S-- - HIYAA!
HIYA! [crowd oohs]
[grunting]
[cheers and applause]
- EH, I'VE SEEN BETTER.
- 20 YUAN! - 25!
- 30! - UH, 30?
GOING ONCE, TWICE--
- 40!
[crowd oohs]
- SOLD! YOU WIN A DAY WITH TIGRESS!
[cheers and applause] [children laughing]
- 40 YUAN?
[scoffs] I CAN BEAT THAT.
HUH! [crowd gasping]
[grunting]
- 35! - 40!
- 50! [gavel bangs]
- DONE! 50 YUAN WINS A DAY WITH MONKEY...
- TOLD YOU! - FOR MRS. YOON!
- [deranged laughter]
- [groaning] PASTE!
- 50 YUAN? [laughs]
WOW, CRANE, YOU'VE GOT A HARD ACT TO FOLLOW.
- OH, YEAH? YOU JUST WATCH.
- NEXT UP, MASTER CRANE! [crowd cheers]
[crowd gasping]
[cheers and applause]
[huge sneeze]
[loud snorting]
all: EW.
- EXCUSE ME. A LOT OF ALLERGENS IN THE AIR.
[strained honking]
IT'LL, UH, IT'LL CLEAR UP IN A SECOND.
[loud sneeze]
[repeated honking]
[huge sneeze]
[crowd groaning] [sneezing and honking]
[harsh honk]
[huge sneeze] [crowd groaning]
- WELL, THAT WAS UNATTRACTIVE.
OKAY, DO I HEAR 40?
UH, 39?
33?
OH, REALLY? SEVEN?
- COME ON, PEOPLE! WHAT'S WITH THE LIMP BIDDING?
THIS IS MASTER CRANE WE'RE TALKING ABOUT!
HE'S AWESOME.
- UH, PO, PLEASE. IT'S, UH--I CAN--
- HOLD ON, BUDDY.
I MEAN, YOU GOTTA LOVE THE LEGENDARY CRANE-STER.
AM I RIGHT?
- WELL, ACTUALLY, HIS KUNG FU IS GREAT.
[murmured agreement]
- BUT HE TELLS REALLY BORING STORIES.
- AND WE DON'T FIND HIM KID-RELATABLE.
- THE SOUNDS FROM HIS NOSE HAUNT MY DREAMS!
- WAIT! NONE OF THAT'S TRUE!
EXCEPT FOR MAYBE THE HAUNTED DREAMS PART.
BUT CRANE'S SUPER-COOL.
AND CHECK OUT THIS WICKED ACCESSORY!
[sprays] YOWW!
OOH, THAT STINGS!
WHY WOULD YOU DO THIS TO YOURSELF?
- THAT'S WHAT WE'RE SAYING! [murmured agreement]
[crowd boos]
- SORRY I RUINED YOUR AUCTION, PO.
- BUT CRANE, THEY DIDN'T... - [harsh honk]
- MEAN TO...
THAT DIDN'T GO VERY WELL, DID IT?
- OH, YOU FIGURE THAT ALL OUT BY YOURSELF?
- THE PEOPLE ARE WATCHING. CONTINUE THE AUCTION.
- LET'S KEEP THE, UH, GOOD TIMES ROLLING WITH THE DRAGON WARRIOR!
[cheers and applause]
[both giggle mockingly]
[somber music]
*
- OKAY, DRAGON WARRIOR, SHOW US WHAT YOU GOT!
[crowd gasps]
- [evil laugh]
YOU DIDN'T REALLY THINK THAT PATHETIC CAGE
COULD HOLD ME, DID YOU?
- FEUNGHUANG! - SHE'S GOING TO ATTACK!
- HANG ON...SHE MIGHT JUST BE HERE FOR THE AUCTION.
[talons slice]
LOOK OUT! [heavy crash]
- [honks]
[screaming and panic]
- PO, TIGRESS, WHAT HAPPENED?
- I'D BE HAPPY TO SHOW YOU!
- AHH!
- HIYA! - [grunts]
[grunting]
- HOW PATHETIC.
LET ME PUT YOU OUT OF YOUR MISERY.
[talons shatter]
OW! [groans]
- GUYS! HER TALONS!
THEY CAN'T CUT THROUGH IRON!
[grunting]
- HEY, THIS IS FOR YOU. PFFFT!
[laughs]
- [frustrated groan]
[metallic thud] - AHH!
- MY TALONS! MY BEAUTIFUL TALONS!
- HIYAA! [grunts]
- [screaming]
- HERE'S WHERE YOU SAY SOMETHING PITHY LIKE, "CURSE YOU!"
OR "I'LL GET YOU!"
OR, "THAT DIDN'T FEEL VERY GOOD ON MY FACE."
- UHH!
[ominous music]
*
- LET'S HEAR IT FOR THE DRAGON WARRIOR AND THE FURIOUS FIVE!
[crowd cheering]
- MORE LIKE THE FURIOUS FOUR!
- I'M OKAY. I GOT THIS.
[struggling]
[crowd laughing mockingly]
- HA HA. WHY DON'T YOU PAINT A PICTURE?
IT'LL LAST LONGER.
[crowd laughing]
- [laughs anxiously]
[loud honk]
[thudding sounds]
[groans]
[grunting]
SORRY, GUYS. MY BAD.
[spear clatters]
- FOCUS, CRANE. EVEN THOUGH SHE'S INJURED,
FEUNGHUANG WON'T BE EASY TO CAPTURE.
WE HAVE TO GO AFTER HER.
- OW.
- JUST LEAVE HIM ALONE, PO.
CRANE'S AN ACCOMPLISHED KUNG FU MASTER.
HE'LL GET HIS CONFIDENCE BACK.
- YEAH, AND I THINK I HAVE A PLAN!
- YEAH, THAT'S NOT WHAT I--
- HEY, BUDDY! [chuckles]
UH, SORRY ABOUT YESTERDAY.
- OH, NO. IT WAS GOOD.
I REALIZE NOW THAT MY LIFE'S A LIE
AND THE PEOPLE I'VE SWORN TO PROTECT THINK I'M A JOKE.
THERE'S LOT OF ROOM FOR PERSONAL GROWTH HERE.
OW!
- CRANE! THEY JUST DON'T KNOW THE REAL YOU!
BUT WE CAN SHOW THEM THE REAL YOU!
- HOW?
- BY TOTALLY CHANGING YOU!
NOW YOU'RE WORKING IT! YOU'RE BAD!
AND I MEAN GOOD BAD BAD, NOT BAD BAD.
JUST KEEP WORKING IT. YEAH! WORK IT!
- UH, ARE YOU SURE THIS IS, UH, YOU KNOW, COOL?
- YOU BET. NOW YOU'RE STYLING.
[villagers snickering]
- THEY'RE STILL SNICKERING AT ME.
- NO, THEY'RE NOT. THEY'RE SNICKERING WITH YOU.
TEA CUP'S HALF FULL, BUDDY.
- WHO'S THE CRANE? OH, YEAH!
THAT'S WHAT THE WATER FOWL BRINGS TO THE PARTY.
- OH, YOU POOR THING.
[mocking laughter]
- [anxious honking]
AH!
[laughter]
[mumbling] ANY OTHER BRIGHT IDEAS?
- I DON'T UNDERSTAND.
YOUR STRUTTING WAS FLAWLESS,
AND FU MANCHUS ARE THE NEW GOATEES.
- THANKS, PO...
AH!
BUT IT'S NO USE.
FACE IT...
I'M A JOKE.
[solemn music]
*
- OH, COME ON, CRANE. IT WASN'T THAT BAD.
THE MUSTACHE MAYBE, BUT THE HAT--IT LOOKED COOL!
- WHERE HAVE YOU GUYS BEEN?
FEUNGHUANG'S BEEN SPOTTED UP IN THE MOUNTAINS.
- AND SHE'S STILL NURSING HER WING!
- THIS IS OUR CHANCE TO CAPTURE HER.
COME ON, WE'VE GOTTA GET UP THERE WHILE SHE'S STILL WEAK.
- I...
I'M NOT GOING. - HUH?
CRANE, NO! WE NEED YOU.
- PO, YOU SAW ME FREEZE UP WHEN FEUNGHUANG ATTACKED,
AND YOU HEARD EVERYONE LAUGHING
WHEN WE WENT DOWN TO THE VILLAGE.
- SO? THAT'S SOMETHING. [laughs nervously]
CRANE, WE'RE FRIENDS, AND BEING FRIENDS MEANS
WE CAN ALWAYS COUNT ON EACH OTHER
NO MATTER WHAT ANYBODY ELSE THINKS.
- SORRY, PO.
- CRANE. - PO...
HE'S MADE HIS CHOICE. WE'VE GOTTA GET GOING.
[melancholy music]
*
[straining]
- OOF!
- [gasps]
- [grunts]
[straining]
- I HOPE MY STRENGTH HOLDS OUT!
- I HOPE YOUR TAIL HOLDS OUT!
- MONKEY, START PULLING!
[grunting]
- THAT'S IT, COME RIGHT TO ME.
I'M SO INJURED AND HELPLESS.
[talons slice]
[mountain rumbling]
- ROCK SLIDE! - IT'S FEUNGHUANG!
[grunting]
- IT'S A TRAP!
- HIYA! - [grunts]
- I HAD TO MAKE MY TALONS EXTRA SHARP JUST FOR YOU.
FLATTERED?
[screeching]
[grunting]
- I CAN'T REACH HER! OOF!
- AHH!
- [grunting]
AHH!
- HIYA! - AHH!
- TIGRESS! NOO!
- AHH! - NOO!
- [screaming]
- TIGRESS!
- I GOT YOU!
- [straining]
- [gasps]
- HIIIII.... all: AHH!
- YAH!
- [gasps] - AHH!
[grunts]
[grunting]
- IT'S OVER, PANDA!
UP HERE, I HAVE THE ADVANTAGE.
[talons slice]
[mountain rumbling]
- AND THAT, ZENG, IS HOW MY UNCLE DECIDED TO RE-INSULATE
THE NEST WITH THATCHED REED
INSTEAD OF THE MORE POPULAR DOUBLED-UP BUNDLED STRAW.
- [weak laugh] THAT'S VERY...
INTERESTING, MASTER CRANE.
- YOU KNOW, TRUE STORY ABOUT THATCHED REED--
- UH, MASTER CRANE? FORGIVE ME,
BUT, UH, WHY DIDN'T YOU GO WITH THE OTHERS?
- BECAUSE I'M A JOKE, ZENG.
AT ANY MOMENT, I COULD FREEZE UP.
[strained honk]
AT LEAST HERE I CAN'T HURT ANYONE.
[violent sneeze]
[distant rumbling]
WHAT WAS THAT?
- MASTER, ISN'T THAT WHERE THE OTHERS WENT?
SHOULDN'T WE DO SOMETHING? MASTER CRANE?
WHAT DO WE DO?
WHAT DO WE DO!
- HA! [snorts]
WHEN I'M DONE WITH YOU,
ALL THOSE VILLAGERS ARE GOING TO HAVE TO CHEER FOR
ARE A FEW TUFTS OF FUR.
- [grunting] AHH...
- AWW, KITTY STILL WANTS TO PWAY.
- GOTCHA! - [gasps]
[grunting]
- [screaming]
WHOA!
[screaming]
- LET GO OF ME, YOU FUR-BALL!
- [screaming]
- WHAT? - [straining]
[screaming]
MAMA.
AHH!
- AIR GETTING A LITTLE THIN, BIG BOY?
- [panting] NO, I...ALWAYS...BREATHE...
LIKE THIS...BEFORE I...
PASS OUT.
AHH...
- [evil laugh]
SCRATCH ONE DRAGON WARRIOR.
- WHOO-HOO! WHOO!
YEAH! WHOA-HO!
WHOO-HOO! WHOO-HOO-HOO! - WHAT?
- YES!
BIZARRE PANDA-CRANE AERIAL COMBO UNIT, ATTACK!
- NO, NO! THAT'S IMPOSSIBLE!
- UP, UP, AND IN YOUR FACE!
[grunting]
AHH!
[straining]
- HIYA!
[grunting]
- FYI--AH!--THIS IS VERY BAD FOR SINUSES--AH!
- NOT REALLY THE TIME. [grunts]
[crowd gasps]
- HIYA!
[objects clattering]
- DOUBLE. [groans]
[murmured panicking]
- PO, COME ON. I CAN'T DEFEAT HER BY MYSELF!
- ALL RIGHT, LET'S DO THIS!
BLARGH. [groans]
- [evil laugh]
AWW, WHAT'S THE MATTER, LITTLE BIRDIE?
LOSE YOUR CONFIDENCE?
[cackling]
- I JUST FOUND IT.
AHH! - WHA...
[intense music]
*
- AHH!
[grunting]
- HMM--OH!
OWW!
[talons scraping]
- YAA!
- [grunts]
[screaming]
NOO!
[boom]
[concerned murmurs]
[onlookers gasp]
- AHH...
- [honks]
- [cheering]
- CRANE, YOU DID IT! YOU BEAT FEUNGHUANG!
AND YOU TOTALLY GOT OVER YOUR BATTLE FUNK!
all: MASTER CRANE! MASTER CRANE!
MASTER CRANE, MASTER CRANE, MASTER CRANE!
- IT IS WITH GREAT PLEASURE THAT I ANNOUNCE
THE GRAND OPENING OF THE NEW CHILDREN'S HOSPITAL.
[crowd cheers]
MASTER CRANE, AS ONE OF THE MOST RESPECTED AND LOVED MEMBERS
OF THE FURIOUS FIVE, WILL YOU DO THE HONORS?
- WELL, UH...ME?
- WAY TO GO, BUDDY.
[crowd cheers]
- [wheezing and coughing]
WAS THAT RIBBON MADE OF SILK? [snorting]
- [sighs] LET'S GET HIM INSIDE.
- HE'S ALLERGIC TO SILK? - OF COURSE.
- [nervous laugh] LET'S HEAR IT FOR MASTER CRANE,
THE HOSPITAL'S FIRST PATIENT!
all: MASTER CRANE! MASTER CRANE!