- WA-CHA! HIYAH!
male announcer: AND NOW
DREAMWORKS' KUNG FU PANDA: LEGENDS OF AWESOMENESS.
- [grunts] [gong rings]
* HEAR THE LEGENDS OF THE KUNG FU PANDA *
[scatting]
* RAISED IN A NOODLE SHOP *
* NEVER SEEKING GLORY OR FAME *
* HE CLIMBED THE MOUNTAINTOP *
* AND EARNED THE DRAGON WARRIOR NAME *
OOH! AHH! YAH!
* KUNG FU PANDA
[scatting]
* MASTER SHIFU SAW THE WARRIOR BLOSSOM *
* AND MASTER THE SKILLS OF BODACIOUS AND AWESOME *
* KUNG FU PANDA
[scatting]
* HE LIVES AND HE TRAINS AND HE FIGHTS *
* WITH THE FURIOUS FIVE
* PROTECT THE VALLEY, SOMETHING, SOMETHING *
* SOMETHING, SOMETHING ALIVE *
OOH! AHH! UH!
* KUNG FU PANDA
* LEGENDS OF AWESOMENESS
SWEET!
- YOU READY TO DO THIS?
- OH, I WAS BORN READ--AH! HOLD ON.
AHH!
JUST A SEC.
OKAY. I'M...GOOD.
both: STILT FU!
- [yelps]
OOF!
[yells]
- UNGUARDED MOMENT!
- OW! OW! OW! OW! OW! OW!
- HIYA-- [quivers]
- I CALL THAT PILLARS OF THE OUCH.
- [quivering] GOOD NAME.
- WHOA, WHOA, WHOA, WHOA. HEY, YOU TWO!
YOU'RE SUPPOSED TO BE STILT-WALKING ADS FOR MY SHOP.
I'M NOT PAYING YOU TO MESS AROUND.
- YOU'RE NOT PAYING US AT ALL.
- GOOD THING TOO.
- STILL NOT SURE HOW GUYS ON STILTS
HELP ADVERTISE NOODLES.
- IT'S HOW THE RESTAURANT BUSINESS WORKS.
NOW STILT-WALK, YOU MONKEY.
- [grunts]
[strains]
WELL, I MAY BE STUCK HERE, BUT AT LEAST I'VE GOT A NICE VIEW.
THERE'S THE JADE PALACE...
AND THE BAMBOO FOREST...
AND A CUTE GIRL, AN OLD DUDE, SOME BANDITS.
both: BANDITS!
- [kung fu shout]
- SHAKABOO-- AHH!
- OH, PLEASE, WE HAVE NO VALUABLES.
- YEAH? WHAT DO YOU CALL THIS?
- DON'T TOUCH THAT.
- YOU HEARD THE LADY.
HA! - YAH!
- WOW, SHE'S EVEN CUTER CLOSE UP.
- [growls]
YAH!
- UHH! - HIYAH!
- WAH! - AGH!
[both growling]
- HA!
- WHOA. FLYING GOAT SURPRISE.
- CUTE AND KNOWS KUNG FU?
- A LITTLE.
DON'T MESS WITH THE GOAT GIRL.
SERIOUSLY, DON'T!
- WHOA, WHOA, I'M NOT A BAND--
- I'M JUST KIDDING.
NO, I'M NOT!
- OOF!
- MESS WITH THE GOAT, YOU GET THE HOOVES.
[romantic music]
*
- YOU ALL RIGHT?
- UH...
MY PALMS ARE SWEATING,
MY HEART IS RACING, AND I'M TINGLY ALL OVER.
I THINK SHE GOT ME
WITH THE CLOVEN-HOOVED, EXPLODING HEAD TECHNIQUE.
- UH, CLOVEN-HOOVED, EXPLODING HEAD TECHNIQUE
ACTUALLY EXPLODES YOUR HEAD.
I THINK MAYBE YOU'RE IN LOVE.
- LOVE? PFFT.
[chuckles] NO WAY.
NOT THIS PA--
DID MY HEAD JUST EXPLODE?
I CAN'T FEEL MY FACE.
OH, WAIT, THERE IT IS, ON MY FACE.
- MY DAUGHTER AND I CAN'T THANK YOU ENOUGH
FOR HELPING US IN OUR TIME OF NEED.
LU-SHI IS TO BE MARRIED TOMORROW.
- MARR--I SEE. [chuckles]
LUCKY GUY. ANYONE I KNOW?
- WELL, I NEVER EVEN MET HIM.
- AH, IT'S ONE OF THOSE ARRANGED DEALIOS.
- YEAH, PRETTY STOKED ABOUT IT.
HE'S CALLED "THE DRAGON WARRIOR."
[explosion]
HEAD DEFINITELY EXPLODED.
- WE ARRANGED THE MARRIAGE YEARS AGO, PO.
YOU AND LU-SHI WERE JUST BABIES.
- KIND OF A BIG DEAL.
SEEMS LIKE SOMETHING A GUY TELLS HIS SON.
- WELL, BACK THEN, MONEY WAS TIGHT,
AND DISHES WERE VERY EXPENSIVE.
I COULDN'T AFFORD TO KEEP REPLACING THEM.
- MU-SHI THE POTTER OFFERED TO KEEP ME FAT WITH DISHWARE
IF I AGREED THAT ONE DAY YOU WOULD MARRY HIS DAUGHTER.
[humming happily]
- SO YOU TRADED HIM FOR PLATES?
- AND BOWLS.
THAT'S HOW THE RESTAURANT BUSINESS WORKS.
- LU-SHI, GIVE POE HIS PRESENT.
- YES, SIR.
PO, I UNDERSTAND THAT YOU LIKE ACTION FIGURES.
- [chuckles] YEAH, WELL, I DID.
WHEN I WAS A KID A LONG TIME AGO.
NOT REALLY NO-- [squeals]
- I COLLECT THEM TOO.
- IS THAT A MASTER SHIFU?
- THE MONO-BROW VARIANT!
- THAT'S THE RAREST ONE THERE IS!
- I KNOW! IT'S YOURS NOW.
OR OURS IF YOU WANNA GO THROUGH WITH THE--
WITH THE WHOLE MARRIAGE THING.
- WAIT, WAIT, WAIT, WAIT, WAIT.
JUST SO WE'RE CLEAR, YOU'RE PRETTY, FUNNY,
GOOD AT KUNG FU, YOU LOVE DUMPLINGS,
AND YOU COLLECT ACTION FIGURES?
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
- WHAT? OW!
- YOU'RE KIDDING, RIGHT?
- MEET THE FUTURE MRS. DRAGON WARRIOR.
- HEY, THERE, FURIOUS FIVE.
WORSHIP YOU.
TOTALLY TRYING NOT TO SPAZ.
- I KNOW IT'S KINDA SUDDEN.
- EXCEPT FOR THE "IT WAS ARRANGED
FROM WHEN WE WERE BABIES" PART.
[chuckles]
[nervous sigh]
OKAY, NOW I'M SPAZZING.
IS IT WRONG TO ASK YOU TO SIGN MY BELLY?
- IS THIS A JOKE? - NO JOKE.
- WELL, LOOKS LIKE SOMEBODY GETS TO PLAN A WEDDING.
CAN IT BE ME? PLEASE SAY YES!
- GO CRAZY.
OH, LU-SHI, I'D LIKE YOU TO MEET--
- MASTER TIGRESS.
OH, MY--OH, M--OH, MY GOSH. [nervous laugh]
I'M KIND OF A MEGA FAN. NO, A LOT.
SERIOUSLY, IT'S, LIKE, SUCH AN HONOR.
- HANG ON, YOU WANNA MARRY HIM?
- UH-HUH.
- REALLY?
- WHOA, TIGRESS.
NEVER PEGGED YOU FOR THE JEALOUS TYPE.
- JEALOUS?
YOU MUST BE KID-- - PO.
A WORD?
- I'LL BE WATCHING YOU.
- OKAY. I'LL TR--I'LL TRY NOT TO LOOK ALL...
OOH! AH, OOH.
ODD. I'LL TRY NOT TO LOOK ODD.
- MARRIAGE IS A BIG STEP, PO, AND YOU JUST MET THIS GIRL.
ARE YOU SURE YOU'RE READY?
- WELL, WE ARE COMBINING OUR ACTION FIGURE COLLECTIONS,
SO THERE'S THAT.
- PO, IF LU-SHI IS THE WIFE OF THE DRAGON WARRIOR,
SHE WILL BE A KIDNAP TARGET
OF EVERY VILLAIN AND SCOUNDREL IN THE LAND.
- WOW, I HADN'T THOUGHT OF THAT.
- YOU'LL BE PUTTING HER IN GRAVE DANGER.
THAT'S WHY THE RULES
OF THE SACRED ONYX SHAOLIN ARE SO SPECIFIC.
- SPECIFIC HOW, SPECIFICALLY?
- YOU REALLY DON'T KNOW, DO YOU?
YOU'LL HAVE TO STEP DOWN AS THE DRAGON WARRIOR.
- [gasps]
- WHAT?
GIVE UP BEING THE DRAGON WARRIOR OR GIVE UP LU-SHI?
I CAN'T DO THAT.
- WHICH ONE? - EITHER!
BEING DRAGON WARRIOR IS THE GREATEST.
I'D NEVER GIVE THAT UP.
UNLESS, WHAT IF LU-SHI IS MY ONE SHOT AT HAPPINESS?
I DON'T WANNA WIND UP OLD, SAD, AND ALONE
LIKE MY DAD OR YO-- UH...
IT'S JUST, UH, WHAT'S THE POINT OF HAVING THIS AWESOME LIFE
IF I'VE GOT NO ONE TO SHARE IT WITH?
- [sighs] IT'S YOUR DECISION, PO.
NO ONE ELSE CAN MAKE IT FOR YOU.
- ARE YOU SURE? 'CAUSE I'D REALLY RATHER
YOU JUST TOLD ME WHAT TO DO, AND I'D GO ALONG WITH IT.
- THE DRAGON WARRIOR FOLLOWS HIS HEART.
THE DRAGON WARRIOR DOES NOT LET OTHERS MAKE UP HIS MIND.
- GAH!
- [kung fu shouts]
CRANE WANTS TO MEET WITH US LATER
TO GO OVER THE SEATING CHART AND--
PO, ARE YOU OKAY?
- HUH?
OH, UH, YEAH, YEAH.
SORRY.
- HIYAH!
[gasps] YOU'RE HAVING SECOND THOUGHTS.
- WHAT? NO WAY. KIND OF.
I MEAN, LOOK, MEETING YOU WAS THE MOST AMAZING THING
THAT'S HAPPENED TO ME SINCE--
SINCE I BECAME THE DRAGON WARRIOR.
- DO WHAT YOUR HEART TELLS YOU, PO.
DON'T LET ME SWAY YOU.
- OOF!
BUT IT'S ALL HAPPENING SO FAST.
- AS DRAGON WARRIOR, YOU SACRIFICE SO MUCH
TO PROTECT THE VALLEY OF PEACE, PO.
BUT TO RUN FROM TRUE LOVE
WOULD BE LIKE RUNNING FROM A GREAT BATTLE.
WE'D ALWAYS WONDER, WHAT IF?
- HUH.
MAYBE YOU'RE RIGHT.
- HMM.
- WE'LL PUT THE BRIDE'S GUESTS OVER HERE,
BUT IF IT'S LOPSIDED, WE CAN SPREAD THE FIGHT DUMMIES AROUND.
- SO HE'S GOING THROUGH WITH THE WEDDING FOR SURE?
- NOT FOR SURE, BUT DON'T TELL CRANE,
OR YOU'LL CRUSH HIS DREAMS--
- NO, NO, NO!
YOU'RE USING TOO MANY FLOWERS IN ONE SPOT!
SPREAD THE BLOSSOMS, AND SPREAD THE...
[all shout]
JOY.
- YOU MIGHT WANNA REINFORCE THAT LATTICE.
- HUH. - JUST SAYING.
- I DON'T WANNA SPEND MY LIFE WONDERING, WHAT IF?
SO I'M GONNA MARRY LU-SHI
AND GIVE UP BEING THE DRAGON WARRIOR
OR NOT DO THAT.
- [sighs] PO.
- I KNOW, RIGHT?
OKAY, I'VE DECIDED.
I'M...GETTING MARRIED.
UNLESS YOU THINK-- - CONGRATULATIONS, PANDA.
I'M PROUD OF YOU,
AND I WISH YOU ALL THE HAPPINESS
IN THE WORLD.
- PO MUST REALLY LOVE YOU TO GIVE UP BEING DRAGON WARRIOR.
- TIGRESS.
- I GUESS YOU MUST REALLY LOVE HIM TOO.
- I...CARE FOR PO.
- CARE FOR HIM?
OR USING HIM?
HIYAH!
WHO IS THIS?
- I-IT'S NOT WHAT YOU-- - OOF!
- WALK AWAY, LADY.
TOTALLY FACING OFF WITH MASTER TIGRESS.
SO COOL!
TIGRESS, I DON'T WANNA HURT YOU.
- TRUST ME, YOU WON'T.
[kung fu shouts]
- TIGRESS, STOP!
- STAY OUT OF THIS, PANDA.
THIS IS HOW GIRLS DISCUSS THINGS.
- TIGRESS, I KNOW YOU'VE CRIED YOUR LITTLE EYES OUT
THAT YOU AND I AREN'T TOGETHER. - WHAT?
- DON'T BE A HERO.
SEE, THERE'S A TEAR RIGHT TH--NO.
WOW, DO YOU EVER BLINK? - [growls]
- LOOK, WHAT YOU AND I HAD
WAS JUST A FIGMENT OF YOUR IMAGINATION.
- HAD?
- PAST TENSE.
IT'S A GRAMMAR THING. LOOK IT UP.
LU-SHI, ARE YOU HURT?
- BUT, PO, SHE IS--
- TIGRESS, STOP EMBARRASSING YOURSELF
WITH YOUR JEALOUSY JEALOUS BEHAVIOR.
THIS IS MY LIFE, AND I NEED TO START LIVING IT FOR ME.
- GREAT JOB FIXING THE LATTICE, CRANE.
- REINFORCED AND READY FOR ACTION.
YAH! NO TOUCHIES.
- CRANE, EVER THINK OF A SECOND CAREER AS A WEDDING PLANNER?
- NO, NO, NO. [chuckles]
WHY, YOU THINKING OF TYING THE KNOT?
- [inhales deeply]
- PO, I-- - DON'T MAKE A SCENE, TIGRESS.
I'VE MADE MY DECISION, KIND OF.
AND IT'S THE RIGHT ONE. POSSIBLY.
- I JUST WANTED TO SAY I'M SORRY.
YOU WERE RIGHT.
- YOU ARE JEALOUS.
- Y--NO!
NO, YOU--I--
IT IS YOUR LIFE, PO,
AND I WISH YOU NOTHING BUT THE BEST, FRIEND.
- PLACES, PEOPLE!
THE SUN IS CASTING DAPPLED LIGHT ON THE ALTAR.
DAPPLED LIGHT!
MOVE IT!
AH-- MM-HMM.
[plays cheerful tune]
*
- [cries]
- DEARLY BELOVED, WE ARE GATHERED HERE TODAY
TO JOIN PO AND LU-SHI, WHO PRETTY MUCH JUST MET,
IN THE SACRED BONDS OF MATRIMONY.
LU-SHI, DO YOU TAKE PO AS YOUR LAWFULLY WEDDED HUSBAND
IN ACCORDANCE WITH THE RULES
GOVERNING THIS QUICKIE MARRIAGE CEREMONY?
- I DO.
- UH-HUH.
AND PO, DO YOU, FLOOBITY DOOBITY DOO,
LU-SHI AND RENOUNCE BEING THE DRAGON WARRIOR?
- PO?
- WUH-OH.
- WE'RE LOSING THE DAPPLED LIGHT!
- PO?
- UH, WELL...
- PO?
- UH, IT'S NOT-- IT'S NOT THAT I DON'T WANT TO,
BUT--BUT--BUT MAYBE WE SHOULD WAIT AND--
- WAIT? WE CAN'T WAIT.
IF WE DON'T DO THIS RIGHT NOW, HE'LL--HE'LL--
- HE'LL WHAT? TO WHO?
WHO'S "HE"?
- OH, THIS IS AN OUTRAGE. GET ON WITH IT!
MARRY MY DAUGHTER AND STEP DOWN AS DRAGON WARRIOR, YOU NINNY!
- BUT I-- - ENOUGH!
- BUT I-- - GO ON!
- I'M JUST NOT--
- WELL, IT-- WELL, IT JUST--THAT--WELL--
[laughs] HER SAFETY IS INVOLVED,
AND--AND HER WELL-BEING AND--AND--
OH, BOO.
- JUNJIE!
[all gasp]
- OH... [gasps] YOURSELVES.
WITH THE DRAGON WARRIOR GONE,
I HAD INTENDED TO FINALLY SEIZE THE JADE PALACE FOR MYSELF.
THERE, HAPPY?
- NOT REALLY.
- WHAT? WAIT.
LU-SHI, YOU-- YOU BETRAYED ME?
- PO, I--
- YOU'RE GOING DOWN, JUNJIE.
- NO, NOT JUST YET.
THE HAPPY COUPLE HAVEN'T OPENED THEIR PRESENTS.
- [whimpers]
- IT WAS ALL A LIE?
- YES.
BUT, PO, I HAD TO, YOU SEE--
- YOU'VE SAID ENOUGH, GIRL.
AND NOW TO PAY THE PRICE FOR YOUR FAILURE.
- HA!
NONE OF YOU ARE GOING ANYWHERE.
TAKE THEM!
- WEDDING BRAWL! AWESOME!
[all shout]
[guests scream]
- NO, THAT'S A RENTAL!
[grunting]
- YAH!
- NOT THE CENTERPIECE! HEY!
[grunting and shouting]
- I SO LOVE SEEING YOU WITH EGG ON YOUR FACE, SHIFU.
- WAH!
- OH, MY CAKE! - OOH!
[groans]
- WELL, AT LEAST THE LATTICE IS STILL--
UGH!
[all groan]
[strained grunting]
- WE'D LOVE TO STAY FOR THE RECEPTION,
BUT WE HAVE SOMEPLACE TO BE.
- I'M SORRY, PO. I NEVER MEANT TO HURT YOU.
- WHAT'S THIS? - JUNJIE'S HOLDING HIM HOSTAGE.
THAT'S WHY I DID ALL OF THIS.
- WHAT?
- UH, PO, DON'T.
THERE'S NO POINT NOW AND--
- IS THIS LU-SHI'S... BOYFRIEND?
SHE HAS A-A BOYFRIEND?
THERE'S A BOYFRIEND! - PANDA, SNAP OUT OF IT.
LU-SHI NEEDS YOU.
IF YOU'RE NOT MARRIED, YOU ARE THE DRAGON WARRIOR.
- YES.
YES, I AM.
AND THE DRAGON WARRIOR DOESN'T LET A BROKEN HEART
GET IN THE WAY OF HELPING THOSE IN NEED.
- WE, ACTUALLY, ARE IN NEED.
- [grunts]
- NO, PLEASE, JUNJIE.
LET HIM GO!
- I PLAN TO.
RIGHT INTO THE FIRE.
- YOU SAID YOU WOULDN'T HURT HIM IF I DID WHAT YOU WANTED.
- YES, BUT YOU FAILED.
I MAY BE WILY AND DISHONEST, BUT I DO KEEP A PROMISE.
- HA!
- PO!
- JUNJIE, LET LU-SHI'S...FRIEND GO.
- FINE.
- [gasps]
- NO!
- HA! WA-TA!
[whimpers]
[yelps]
I CAN DO THIS. I CAN DO THIS.
- NO, NOT IF I CAN HELP IT.
I WON A MEDAL IN STILT FIGHTING YEARS AGO.
- HA! WHOA!
- OOH!
[yelps]
- OW! OOH!
[yelps]
- [screams]
- HA!
- WA-TA!
[yelps]
HUH?
[screams]
OOF! [sizzles]
[screams]
- [gasps]
- [strained grunts]
AHH!
- [groans]
- PILLARS OF THE OUCH.
- [quivering] GOOD N-N-NAME.
OOF.
- PO, SAVE SHAO!
- [gasps and screams] - GOTCHA!
- [whimpering]
- WOW.
THOSE MUSCLES ARE VERY DEFINED.
- THANKS. I DON'T EVEN WORK OUT.
- FIGURES.
WHOA!
- [grunts]
- [screams]
TIGRESS!
- I WAS ABLE TO GET FREE, JUST IN TIME, BY THE LOOKS OF IT.
- YOU'RE NEVER GONNA GIVE UP ON US, ARE YOU?
OOF!
- IN YOUR DREAMS, PANDA.
- SHAO, YOU'RE ALL RIGHT.
- [sighs]
- PO, THANK YOU SO MUCH FOR SAVING MY BROTHER.
- YOUR BROTHER?
YOUR BROTHER?
I THOUGHT HE WAS YOUR BOYFRIEND.
- GROSS, BUD. - [laughs]
- OOF!
[chuckles]
- OH, PO.
MAYBE NOW THAT THIS IS ALL OVER...
- [sighs] I CAN'T MARRY YOU, LU-SHI.
SO LONG AS THERE ARE EVILDOERS
LIKE JUNJIE THREATENING THE VALLEY OF PEACE,
I HAVE TO REMAIN THE DRAGON WARRIOR.
- MARRY ME? YOU DORK.
WE BARELY KNOW EACH OTHER.
I WAS THINKING MAYBE WE COULD JUST HANG OUT SOMETIME.
- OW! OH, YEAH, THAT'D BE COOL.
BUT I GOTTA WARN YOU,
SOMEBODY MIGHT BE A LITTLE JEALOUS, SO, UH--OW!
THERE SHE IS NOW.