- WA-CHA! HIYAH!
male announcer: AND NOW
DREAMWORKS' KUNG FU PANDA: LEGENDS OF AWESOMENESS.
- [grunts] [gong rings]
* HEAR THE LEGENDS OF THE KUNG FU PANDA *
[scatting]
* RAISED IN A NOODLE SHOP *
* NEVER SEEKING GLORY OR FAME *
* HE CLIMBED THE MOUNTAINTOP *
* AND EARNED THE DRAGON WARRIOR NAME *
OOH! AHH! YAH!
* KUNG FU PANDA
[scatting]
* MASTER SHIFU SAW THE WARRIOR BLOSSOM *
* AND MASTER THE SKILLS OF BODACIOUS AND AWESOME *
* KUNG FU PANDA
[scatting]
* HE LIVES AND HE TRAINS AND HE FIGHTS *
* WITH THE FURIOUS FIVE
* PROTECT THE VALLEY, SOMETHING, SOMETHING *
* SOMETHING, SOMETHING ALIVE *
OOH! AHH! UH!
* KUNG FU PANDA
* LEGENDS OF AWESOMENESS
SWEET!
- TASTE THE STING OF MY STEEL!
KYAH!
- OH. NICE MOVE, CHIEF.
[rocks clatter]
HEY, WHAT'S THAT?
- BORDER PATROL! IDENTIFY YOURSELF!
NO ONE ENTERS CHINA WITHOUT GETTING PAST US.
- FOOLS, YOU ARE LIKE WORMS CHALLENGING A LARGE DOG,
OR PERHAPS A MID-SIZE COW.
YOU DO NOT GRASP THAT YOU ARE HELPLESS BEFORE PAI MEI...
HIGH PRIEST OF ABUSIVE LOTUS.
[laugh evilly]
- PAI MEI?
WASN'T HE THAT TRAITOR WHO TRIED TO DESTROY THE EMPEROR?
- GET HIM!
both: [grunt]
- HUH!
OH!
- [groans]
- NOW, YOU UNWORTHY SOAP-MONGERS,
DIRECT ME TO THE KUNG FU MASTER KNOWN AS SHIFU.
- SHIFU? HE--HE'S IN THE VALLEY OF PEACE.
- HE SHALL BE MY NEXT MISERABLE VICTIM.
- WAIT.
WHAT DO YOU MEAN, "NEXT VICTIM"?
[guards groaning]
- [laughs]
- GREETINGS, EVERYONE.
AND WELCOME TO THE FIRST-EVER TOURNAMENT OF THE SUN PENNANT.
[crowd cheers]
FEATURING THE DRAGON WARRIOR AND THE FURIOUS FIVE...
[cheering]
AGAINST THE VISITING MASTERS OF THE ONYX TEMPLE.
- WHOA... [crowd "oohs"]
[cheers and applause]
- THE ESTEEMED MASTER CHAO WILL PRESENT THE WINNING TEAM
WITH A FABULOUS PRIZE SENT BY THE EMPEROR HIMSELF.
- OOH, CHECK OUT THAT AWESOME BOX.
WE HAVE TO WIN IT!
- PO, THE PRIZE ISN'T A BOX, IT'S WHAT'S INSIDE THE BOX.
- OH.
BUT WE STILL GET TO KEEP THE BOX, THOUGH, RIGHT?
- THE TOURNAMENT WILL BEGIN SHORTLY.
MASTERS...
PREPARE YOURSELVES.
[crowd cheering]
[back cracks] OOH.
- YOU JADE PALACE LOSERS ARE ABOUT TO GET SCHOOLED.
- BIG TIME. IT'S GONNA BE EPIC.
- POP POP!
- I'LL POP YOU, DORK FACE.
- WE GOT A WORD FOR GUYS LIKE YOU. "NOT NICE."
[overlapping chatter]
- ENOUGH.
YOUR BEHAVIOR IS NOT BEFITTING MASTERS OF YOUR STATION.
- OH, RELAX, SHIFU.
THE YOUNG PEOPLE ARE JUST LETTING OFF STEAM.
SURELY YOU REMEMBER WHAT THAT'S LIKE, DON'T YOU?
- YOUR PARDON, MASTER.
BUT IT'S BEEN A LONG TIME SINCE I WAS THAT YOUNG.
- [chuckles] COME ON.
IT COULDN'T HAVE BEEN THAT LONG AGO.
- WELL, I HAPPEN TO KNOW FOR A FACT THAT SHIFU IS OVER...
[whispers]
- WAS ANYONE EVEN ALIVE BACK THEN?
[laughter]
- SHIFU, EVERYONE GETS OLDER.
WHICH REMINDS ME...
THE EMPEROR SENT A SPECIAL GIFT JUST FOR YOU.
[laughter]
- THANK YOU, MASTER CHAO,
BUT I ASSURE YOU MY EYES ARE JUST AS KEEN AS EVER.
NOW, IF YOU'LL EXCUSE ME...
OOF!
I INTENDED TO DO THAT.
[banging, crashing, glass shattering]
- NOW, YOU'D ALL BETTER GET READY.
UH, PO.
MAY I SPEAK TO YOU ABOUT A PERSONAL MATTER?
- GAH! CHAO'S RIGHT.
I AM OLD.
- PO, I NEED YOUR ADVICE.
- ABOUT WHAT, MASTER CHAO?
- WELL, SADLY, AN OLD FRIEND OF OURS
HAS FINALLY OUTLIVED HIS USEFULNESS.
- WHA--WHAT DO YOU MEAN?
REALLY?
WELL, HE MIGHT BE A LITTLE RUSTY, BUT...
- HE REALLY CAN'T TAKE THE HEAT ANYMORE.
- [scoffs]
- IT'S TIME FOR A CHANGE.
BUT HIS REPLACEMENT WILL HAVE TO BE NEWER, COOLER,
AND INCREDIBLY MORE AWESOME, AS YOU WOULD SAY.
- NO PROBLEM, MASTER CHAO. I'M JUST THE GUY TO DO IT.
- THEY'RE GOING TO REPLACE ME.
CHAO WANTS SOMEONE COOLER, MORE AWESOME, MORE MODERN.
I CAN'T BE ANY OF THOSE THINGS.
- NOPE.
- OR CAN I? - NOPE.
- THAT'S IT, ZHENG! OF COURSE! I'LL BE YOUNG!
- NOPE?
[crowd cheering] - WE ARE READY TO BEGIN.
EACH TEAM SHALL RACE THROUGH THE FOREST TO THE TAI YANG TEMPLE.
THERE, THEY SHALL DO BATTLE FOR THE SUN PENNANT.
ARE THE ONYX MASTERS READY?
AND THE JADE PALACE?
- READY, MASTER CHAO. AND SO ARE THE FURIOUS FIVE.
- MAKE THAT THE FURIOUS SIX.
- SHAKA-BOOBIE.
all: WHAT?
- GOSH, SHIFU, WHAT ARE YOU DOING?
- JUST RELAX YOUR FLAPS, MASTER CHAO.
I'M JOINING THE TOURNAMENT.
all: OOH.
- BUT--BUT SHIFU, THE GAMES ARE FOR THE YOUNG PEOPLE,
THE JUNIOR MASTERS.
- LET'S ASK MY PEA PODS.
WHO WANTS TO SEE THE SHEEFSTER IN THE TOURNEY?
- EH, OH, WHATEVER. - UH, OKAY.
[applause]
- [chuckles] UH, MASTER,
YOU SURE YOU KNOW WHAT YOU'RE DOING?
- CHECK IT OUT, LARGE AND IN CHARGE.
I'LL SHOW YOU AND MASTER CHAO THAT I STILL GOTS THE MOVES.
WHOOP, WHOOP, WHOOP, WHOOP, WHOOP, WHOOP, WHOOP, WHOOP...
- UH, WHY IS SHIFU WHOOP, WHOOP, WHOOP-ING?
- UH, GUYS, UH, WE NEED TO BE SUPPORTIVE
OF SHIFU'S APPARENT MIDLIFE CRISIS.
- WHOOP, WHOOP, WHOOP-WHOOP-WHOOP,
WHOOP, WHOOP, WHOOP!
- I'M SCARED.
- WHAT ABOUT THE EMPEROR'S PRIZE?
I DON'T WANNA BLOW THAT!
- RELAX. IT'S SHIFU.
HE COULD STILL BRING THE BUTT-WHOOP.
UH, MASTER CHAO...
- WHOOP, WHOOP, WHOOP, WHOOP...
- WE'D BE TOTALLY HONORED TO HAVE SHIFU ON OUR TEAM.
RIGHT, GUYS?
UH, THAT MEANS YES.
- BOOYAH.
- OH, BOY.
- EH, THIS IS A BIT ODD, BUT OKAY.
ON YOUR MARKS...
- GRANDPA WON'T HELP YOU LOSERS. YOU'RE GOING DOWN.
- THIS SCENE IS ABOUT TO GET FRUGGIE.
- NOT REALLY A WORD.
OH, SNARP!
- FIRST TEAM TO RETURN TO THIS SPOT
WITH THE SUN PENNANT WINS.
BEGIN!
[crowd cheering]
THIS IS A VERY STRANGE VILLAGE.
- AND IT JUST GOT STRANGER.
- PAI MEI!
- YOU GAPE LIKE A TOAD FROM YOUR RIDICULOUS LIZARD MOUTH.
YOUR BEADY EYES CREEP ME OUT,
AND THAT GAUDY TUNIC MAKES YOUR HIPS LOOK FAT.
[laughs evilly]
SERIOUSLY, I NEVER LIKED YOU.
- KEEP MOVING. WE'VE GOTTA CATCH UP!
- WE LOST 'EM.
- NO, WE DIDN'T.
all: [grunting]
- OH!
all: [grunt, groan]
- LATER, KUNG FOOLS.
- I HATE THOSE GUYS.
[leaves rustling]
- SHA-GA-BA--
WHAT'D I MISS?
- WHERE WERE YOU?
IT'S NOT MY FAULT.
I WAS WAITING FOR SHIFU.
[rustling] OH!
OOF!
THIS STYLISH HAT IS BLOCKING MY PEEPERS.
- TELL ME ABOUT IT.
- MASTER, I'M SORRY, BUT I-I-I'M JUST CONFUSED.
WHY EXACTLY ARE YOU DRESSED THIS WAY?
- SNAPPY HATS ARE IN.
JUST ASK THE MONKSTER OR BARON VON CRANINGTON.
- THE BARON WOULD RATHER YOU DIDN'T.
- MASTER, THOSE DUCKS ARE TOUGH.
- THE PURPLE DUDE FEINTS TO HIS LEFT...
- OOF! - ATTACK ON THE RIGHT.
THE OTHERS HAVE A HITCH IN THEIR SPIN KICKS.
- OOF!
- COUNTER WITH A JAB, AND YOU OWN 'EM.
- UH, YOU KNOW, HE'S RIGHT.
- SEE?
MASTER SHIFU HAS SEEN IT ALL.
HE CAN INSTANTLY ANALYZE ANY MOVE.
- THAT'S WHAT THE SHEEFMEISTER GENERAL BRINGS TO THE PAR-TAY.
POP, POP.
- FOCUS, EVERYBODY.
WE CAN BEAT THESE DUCKS TO THE TEMPLE
IF WE USE STRATEGICALNESS.
YOU GUYS RACE AHEAD AND AMBUSH 'EM.
SHIFU, VIPER, AND ME'LL ATTACK FROM BEHIND.
- [raspberries]
PLANS ARE FOR SQUARES.
REBELS LIKE ME THINK OUTSIDE THE BOX.
SHAKKA-BLAH, BITITY-BLAH.
- MASTER SHIFU!
WAIT! GAH!
- HE'S GOING THE WRONG WAY. - HUH. KIDS.
- WE'VE GOT TO STAY IN THE RACE.
- SHIFU!
HANG ON!
- [chuckles]
- THERE'S THE FLAG! LET'S GO!
- WAAH!
- [groans]
- HUH? THE FLAG!
- LOOKING FOR THIS?
- AWW, SOMEONE'S LOST THEIR KITTY.
- THIS'LL BE EASY.
- WAAH!
- OOF! - AH!
- YAH! [grunting]
A HITCH IN HIS SPIN KICK, JUST LIKE SHIFU SAID.
- [chuckles]
- OH!
- [chuckles]
WAAH!
HUH?
- YAH!
- [grunting]
- WE'RE STILL OUTNUMBERED. WHERE'S PO?
- THEY SHOULD BE IN PLACE BY NOW.
"B" TEAM, ATTACK!
ANY...TIME...NOW.
- HAAA!
- DARN.
[groans]
- OH!
- AAH!
- WAAH!
- YOU'RE LATE.
- WE WERE TRYING TO FIND SHIFU.
- HE RAN OFF. AGAIN.
- OOH! - OOH!
- WAAH!
SLAMMA PAJAMA!
THE SHEEFSTER'S STILL GOT THE MOVES.
- [laughs]
NICE, MASTER. UP HIGH.
- [back cracks] ARGH.
MY BACK.
WHOA, BUMMER.
- MASTER SHIFU!
all: [shouting]
- NO HANDS!
all: [scream]
[groaning]
- IS...
IS EVERYONE ALL RIGHT?
- BEEN BETTER.
- SHAKE IT OFF, GUYS.
THE IMPORTANT THING IS THAT
MASTER SHIFU CAPTURED THE SUN PENNANT!
WE WIN! YES!
- YOU GOT THAT RIGHT, PANDA. WE...
WAIT, THE PENNANT!
WHERE IS IT?
all: [laugh] - HA!
- OH, SNARP.
[laughter]
- NO!
- I THOUGHT I HAD IT.
- MASTER SHIFU, WHAT?
- OH! WHY ARE YOU COMPLAINING?
YOU AND CHAO HAVE PROVED YOUR POINT.
I'M RUSTY. CAN'T TAKE THE HEAT.
- MASTER, WHAT ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT?
- I OVERHEARD PO AND MASTER CHAO PLANNING MY RETIREMENT.
THEY WANT TO REPLACE ME.
AND AFTER THIS HUMILIATION, THEY'LL GET THEIR WISH.
- REPLACE YOU? WHAT? WE'D NEVER--
OH, MASTER!
NO!
MASTER CHAO WAS TALKING ABOUT AN OLD WOK.
- WAIT, YOU'VE BEEN CARRYING THAT AROUND THIS WHOLE TIME?
- WHAT?
- A WOK?
- YEAH, IT'S RUSTED AND WORN OUT AND HE WANTED TO REPLACE IT.
IT HAD NOTHING TO DO WITH YOU.
- I...
[sighs]
I REALLY AM AN OLD FOOL.
I'M SORRY I COST YOU YOUR VICTORY.
[back cracks] OOH!
- BUT, MASTER SHIFU...
- EH, DRAGON WARRIOR!
[sighs]
- MASTER CHAO? - [groans]
- [grunts] A WOK! STUPID!
OLD, DECREPIT, ANCIENT, I--
- [groans]
- THE ONYX MASTERS. HOW?
- [blows]
- PAI MEI.
- THEY WERE LIKE GOPHERS WHO ESCAPED FROM A WEASEL,
ONLY TO BE SEIZED BY AN EAGLE.
[laughs]
IF THE METAPHOR IS UNCLEAR, I AM THE EAGLE, AND YOU...
ARE NOW MY PREY.
- I WARN YOU, PAI MEI, I BEAT YOU ONCE, AND I'LL DO IT AGAIN.
- YOU GOT LUCKY AND YOU KNOW IT.
YOUR SKILL WAS ALWAYS OVERRATED.
PLUS, EVERYONE SAID YOU HAD A LOVELY SINGING VOICE.
BUT IT WAS NOT SO!
- [back cracks] OOH, OH...
AH!
- TIME HAS NOT BEEN KIND TO YOU, SHIFU.
I REMEMBER US AS WE ONCE WERE LONG AGO...
- I'M FAMILIAR WITH THE STORY.
- I KNOW! BUT I WISH TO DRAMATICALLY RECOUNT IT.
I WAS CHINA'S DEADLIEST, MOST ABUSIVE KUNG FU MASTER!
AGAINST MY IRON FISTS AND SCORNFUL BANTER,
ALL WERE HELPLESS.
THE EMPEROR HIMSELF GREW JEALOUS.
HE SOUGHT TO PROTECT HIMSELF AGAINST ME.
BUT I STRUCK FIRST.
ONLY TO BE STOPPED...
BY YOU!
I WAS DISGRACED AND FORCED INTO EXILE.
BUT IN MY LONELY EXILE, I'VE LEARNED KUNG FU SECRETS
BEYOND YOUR FEEBLE COMPREHENSION.
- THE FIVE-FINGERED BLAST PUNCH.
I SEE YOU'VE MASTERED ITS SECRET.
- YOU WILL DO MORE THAN SEE.
YOU WILL FEEL, HEAR, TASTE,
POSSIBLY EVEN SMELL THE SECRET AS WELL!
[laughs evilly]
- [grunts]
- PO! - SHAKA-BOOBIE!
OH! OH, SNARP.
- NO! - [laughing]
- YAH!
- OH, NO! STAY BACK!
- GOTCHA!
OH!
[grunting]
- DON'T!
- ENOUGH!
- PO! [back cracks]
- HUH! AH!
[wok bongs] - [groans]
- HA!
WHOA!
AAH!
OW!
AAH!
- NO!
STOP! ALL OF YOU! [back cracks]
all: OH!
- NO!
- OOF!
- LIKE ALL PANDAS, YOU ARE FAT AND FULL OF EUCALYPTUS.
NOW, FEAST UPON THE MINTY TASTE OF DOOM.
EH...
- PAI MEI,
FORGIVE A DODDERING OLD FOOL AND HIS STUDENTS.
YOUR POWER--[coughs] IS TOO GREAT.
- HMM?
YOUR UNWORTHY VOICE CONTINUES TO BEFOUL MY EARS.
BUT WHAT YOU SPEAK IS THE TRUTH.
- SPARE THEM, PAI MEI.
DESTROY ME INSTEAD.
AS YOU SAY, I AM OLD AND--
- UH, I'M OVER HERE.
- OF COURSE.
I AM OLD AND AT THE END OF MY LIFE.
- THAT'S NOT TRUE, MASTER SHIFU.
YOU'RE STILL YOUNG AND VITAL.
- YOU'RE WRONG, PO.
YOU OPENED MY EYES TODAY.
I AM OLD.
- UH...
- WHA?
- [clears throat]
- UH...
- [sighs]
OLD AND FEEBLE.
- OH!
YEAH.
HE'S-- HE'S PRETTY OLD.
- YEAH. WHAT DO YOU SAY?
- AH, YOU ARE HARDLY WORTH FIGHTING.
YOU REMIND ME OF MY GRANDFATHER.
- THAT'S NICE.
- I HATED MY GRANDFATHER!
- OOH!
- [gasps]
UNLIKE YOU, MY GREAT LEARNING HAS KEPT ME YOUNG.
- YOUR ARTISTRY IS TRULY MAGNIFICENT.
I...
I WOULD BE HONORED IF YOU WOULD FINISH ME
WITH YOUR BLAST PUNCH.
- [chuckles evilly]
DONE.
RAH!
OH-- [rocks rumbling]
- SORRY. MY OLD, WEAK LEGS GAVE OUT. TRY IT AGAIN.
- [grunts]
- I FLINCHED.
- [grunts]
[panting]
WAIT, YOU HAVE MISLED ME WITH LIES FROM YOUR FACE.
YOU ARE NOT OLD OR FEEBLE.
- NO. IN FACT, I'M FEELING PRETTY SPRYTASTIC!
- [gasps]
[groans] - YES!
- I JUST NEEDED A LITTLE TIME TO ANALYZE YOUR MOVES.
- WHAT? - HOI-CHA!
- [groans]
OH!
- CLASS DISMISSED.
[rocks rumbling]
- [screams]
[grunts]
[groans]
- [blows]
- AWESOME! - IMPRESSIVE.
- [inhales]
THANKS.
- AND NOW, CONGRATULATIONS TO OUR TEAMS.
[cheers and applause]
- I BELIEVE YOU DROPPED THIS. - SHIFU!
- WINNING IS ONLY ONE PART OF THE COMPETITION, PO.
- YEAH, AND THE OTHER PART IS LOSING.
- WE SHOWED YOU, JADE PALACE LOSERS!
- HMM. I CHANGED MY MIND.
ducks: OH...
- WE WON A BOX! WE WON A--
OH, RIGHT.
SWEET!
- THAT IS A NICE BOX.
- WHAT WERE YOU THINKING, SHIFU?
I WOULD NEVER TRY TO REPLACE YOU.
WITH AGE COMES WISDOM.
- I KNOW, MASTER CHAO.
I SUPPOSE I LET MY IMAGINATION RUN AWAY WITH ME.
BUT IF YOU EVER CHANGE YOUR MIND,
JUST REMEMBER OLD WARRIORS LIKE ME
ARE A FORCE TO BE RECKONED WITH.
OW!
all: OOH...
- HAS ANYONE SEEN MY GLASSES?