- WA-CHA! HIYA!
- AND NOW DREAMWORKS' KUNG FU PANDA:
LEGENDS OF AWESOMENESS.
[gong rings]
* HEAR THE LEGENDS OF THE KUNG FU PANDA *
[scatting]
* RAISED IN A NOODLE SHOP *
* NEVER SEEKING GLORY OR FAME *
* HE CLIMBED THE MOUNTAINTOP *
* AND EARNED THE DRAGON WARRIOR NAME *
OOH! AHH! YAH!
* KUNG FU PANDA
[scatting]
* MASTER SHIFU SAW THE WARRIOR BLOSSOM *
* AND MASTER THE SKILLS
* OF BODACIOUS AND AWESOME
* KUNG FU PANDA
[scatting]
* HE LIVES AND HE TRAINS AND HE FIGHTS *
* WITH THE FURIOUS FIVE
* PROTECT THE VALLEY SOMETHING SOMETHING *
* SOMETHING SOMETHING ALIVE *
* KUNG FU PANDA
* LEGENDS OF AWESOMENESS
SWEET!
[flute music]
*
- SHH. [laughs]
SHH, SHH, SHH, SHH, SHH.
SHH. [laughs]
[chuckles] SHH. - SHH.
OH, HEY. MORNING, TIGRESS.
- WHAT'S GOING ON?
both: SHH!
- MONKEY'S ABOUT TO PULL
THE BEST WAKE UP PRANK ON PO, EVER.
THIS IS GONNA BE EPIC!
- WANT TO WATCH?
- [scoffs] DON'T BE RIDICULOUS.
OF COURSE I DON'T WANT TO--
OOH, THIS DOES LOOK GOOD.
[ropes creaking]
- PO. [giggling] - MM.
- YOU'RE LATE FOR TRAINING!
- COMING!
[crash] UNH. OH.
[laughter]
OW!
- GOTCHA!
YOU'VE BEEN MONKED.
- HEH, HEH, YEAH, GOOD ONE.
GOT ME AGAIN.
LUCKY FOR YOU I'M NOT PETTY OR VENGEFUL OR--NYAAH!
OOF.
[whip] ARG!
- [laughs]
- IT IS SO ON.
- I DON'T LIKE IT, SHIFU, NOT ONE LITTLE BIT.
SUPERINTENDENT WOO AND HIS DAUGHTER
SHOULD HAVE ARRIVED BY NOW.
GOOD HEAVENS.
YOU DON'T SUPPOSE SOMETHING UNSAVORY HAPPENED TO THEM?
- I'LL SEND OUT A TEAM TO LOOK FOR THEM AT ONCE.
[crash, bam]
[grunting]
[both laughing]
- HYAH!
- OW, UNH.
UH-OH. OW!
- LOOKS LIKE THE MONKSTER JUST GOT PO'D.
- [groans]
- MONKEY, YOU OKAY?
- [groans]
OH! MY--MY HANDS!
- AAH!
OH, NO, MONKEY!
FORGIVE ME!
OH, MONKEY.
[pop]
- GOT YOU AGAIN.
[laughs] - NYAARGH!
[thudding, crashing]
- PO. MONKEY.
- MASTER SHIFU. HA.
WHEN DID YOU GET--WHOA!
HOW DID THAT HAPPEN?
- I THOUGHT I MADE IT CLEAR.
THIS LITTLE PRANK WAR BETWEEN THE TWO OF YOU MUST STOP.
both: HE STARTED IT.
- I DON'T CARE WHO STARTED IT.
I WANT IT TO END BEFORE ONE OF YOU GOES TOO FAR
AND DOES SOMETHING THEY'LL REGRET.
IS THAT CLEAR?
both: YES.
- SUPERINTENDENT WOO AND HIS DAUGHTER WERE SUPPOSED TO ARRIVE
AT THE JADE PALACE LAST NIGHT.
I NEED-- - WE NEED.
- WE NEED, BUT MOSTLY I,
NEED YOU TO FIND THEM, AND--
- AND ESCORT THEM BACK HERE AT ONCE.
WELL, SPIT SPOT, OFF WITH YOU.
- [sighs]
- YOU HEARD WHAT THEY SAID. NO MORE PRANKS.
- NOT UNTIL I GET EVEN.
- BRING IT ON, PANDA!
- [panting]
- SOMETHING'S WRONG.
WE SHOULD HAVE RUN INTO THEM BY NOW.
- AH, RELAX.
THEY PROBABLY JUST STOPPED AT AN INN SO SUPERINTENDENT WOO
COULD YELL AT SOMEONE.
HEY, WHAT'S THAT?
- WHERE?
- BEHIND THAT BUSH THING.
- WHAT? I DON'T SEE ANYTHING.
- LET'S CHECK IT OUT.
[rip] OH!
NO-OH-OH-OH!
- NICE TRY.
LET'S FACE IT, PO. I'M TOO GOOD.
YOU'LL NEVER GET EVEN.
- [grunts] - WHAT ARE YOU DOING? WHERE--
- HEY, DO YOU HEAR THAT? - YOU CAN'T--I'M A BIG DEAL--
- [exerts] - I'M A BIG DEAL!
WHY YOU--WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO--
YOU GUYS STUPID OR WHATEVER?
WHY DO YOU KEEP ABDUCTING ME?
- FOR THE BIG FAT RANSOM.
WE'VE BEEN FOLLOWING YOU FOR MONTHS,
WAITING FOR THE PERFECT MOMENT,
AND THIS IS THEN FOR THAT.
- WHO TALKS LIKE THAT?
I'M A RANKING SUPERINTENDENT.
YOU'RE GONNA GET CAUGHT AND HEAVILY FINED.
YOU HEAR? HUH?
- I FORGOT WHAT A WHINY BOY HE IS.
- HMM.
[tinkle]
- [shouts]
- THANK YOU. OUR MOM'S BIRTHDAY IS COMING UP.
[smack] OOF!
[smack, smack, thump] OH, OW, OH!
[thud] OH-HOOAH!
- WOW.
LET'S GIVE HER A HAND, PO. [whoosh]
- MONKEY, WAIT! MY HANDS ARE KIND OF BUSY.
[both laughing] - IT'S NOT FUNNY.
- TAK OH HYA!
[thud, smack] - OW!
- DAH!
- FINALLY. IT'S ABOUT TIME.
[ding, ding] - WHAT?
- HYAH! [smack, thump] - OH!
- WYAH!
[flutter] AH, ERM--
AH. - OH!
- OOH, WAHO! - OH.
- HYA--UGH. - YAH!
- OOH. - RYAR!
[grunting]
- WOO.
- HYAH-UH.
- REALLY, GUYS?
- THIS ISN'T OVER.
- OKAY.
- HYOO-AH!
- WASSA!
- MAYBE IT IS.
[whoosh, whoosh]
- WHAT ARE YOU DOING? BUT--HEY. HEY!
GO AFTER THEM! THEY'RE GETTING AWAY.
- THOSE GUYS?
SCOFF. DON'T WORRY ABOUT THEM.
- HOW DARE YOU DISOBEY MY FATHER.
GO AFTER THEM.
FOOL. DUNDERHEAD. NITWIT. [fading]
DO YOU HAVE CABBAGE IN YOUR EARS?
GO AFTER THEM!
[full volume] DO YOU HEAR?
- DON'T WORRY.
THEY WON'T BOTHER YOU WITH US AROUND.
- THEN I'LL DO IT MYSELF.
HYAI-OH!
OH, PUT ME DOWN. NOW!
- I'M SORRY, BUT WE HAVE ORDERS TO TAKE YOU BACK TO THE PALACE.
- PUT HER DOWN, RIGHT NOW.
- YOU COMING? - NO.
NOT UNTIL YOU GO AFTER THOSE PIGS.
- [grunts]
- HEY. HEY! PUT ME DOWN, NOW.
[both complaining, threatening]
- WOW, SHE'S JUST LIKE HER DAD. MEAN AND BOSSY.
- AND SHE SMELLS LIKE STRAWBERRIES.
- YEAH, RIGHT? I HATE STRAWBERRIES.
- NEVER HAVE I BEEN TREATED LIKE THAT IN ALL MY LIFE.
- THEY SHOULD BE FLOGGED. TORTURED!
- I'M TERRIBLY SORRY.
BUT IN THEIR DEFENSE,
THEY WERE ONLY TRYING TO GET YOU TO SAFETY.
- AND NOW THAT YOU ARE SAFE,
YOU CAN HAND OVER THE STONE OF LU MONG.
- NO, WE CAN'T.
THE PIGS STOLE IT!
- STOLE IT?
WHY DIDN'T YOU GO AFTER THEM?
- WAIT, WAIT, WAIT, WAIT.
NOBODY SAID ANYTHING ABOUT A STONE.
- YEAH. - WHAT?
YOU NEED EVERYTHING EXPLAINED TO YOU BEFORE YOU DO SOMETHING?
HUH? STUPID? HUH?
- THIS IS DISASTROUS.
CATASTROPHIC!
- WHOA, WHOA, WHOA.
WHAT'S SO IMPORTANT ABOUT THIS STONE?
- IT IS A LONG LOST SACRED RELIC OF THE LU MONG REGION.
SOMEHOW IT CAME INTO THE POSSESSION OF THE EMPEROR.
THE INHABITANTS OF LU MONG HAVE THREATENED WAR
IF IT IS NOT RETURNED.
- A LU MONGIAN DELEGATION IS ARRIVING
WITHIN A MATTER OF DAYS TO TAKE IT.
WHEN THEY FIND IT'S NOT HERE--
- WAR! ALL BECAUSE OF YOU.
YOU AND YOUR IDIOTIC BUNGLING.
I HOPE YOU'RE HAPPY.
- VERY.
- [chuckles] THERE'S NOT GONNA BE A WAR.
TIGRESS PROBABLY ALREADY CAUGHT UP WITH THOSE PIGS
AND HAS THE STONE.
AND IF YOU'D SPENT LESS TIME YELLING AND TOLD US
ABOUT THE STONE IN THE FIRST PLACE,
NONE OF THIS WOULD HAVE HAPPENED.
- OH!
- SHE TOUCHED ME. - OH, SHE'S GOT A LOT OF NERVE.
OH, SHE MAKES ME SO CRAZY.
- SHE MAKES ME CRAZY TOO.
ANYWAY... I'LL SEE YOU IN THE MORNING.
- MAKES YOU CRAZY TOO, HUH? [chuckles]
MANTIS, I GOT IT!
I FINALLY KNOW HOW TO GET EVEN WITH MONKEY
FOR ALL THOSE PRANKS.
- DIDN'T MASTER SHIFU TELL YOU--
- I KNOW, I KNOW.
BUT I GOTTA GET EVEN WITH MONKEY.
THIS PRANK IS MY CHANCE.
YOU HAVE TO HELP ME WRITE A LETTER.
[writing utensil scratching]
OKAY, OKAY, OKAY. READ THAT BACK.
- [clears throat] "I, MING, HEREBY ORDER YOU, MONKEY,
TO GO OUT WITH ME TOMORROW AFTERNOON."
[chuckles]
- YES!
- "DRESS IS EXTREMELY FORMAL." - [laughs]
- "BATHING IS MANDATORY." THAT'S AWESOME.
"P.S. YOU'RE PAYING."
[both laughing]
OH, MAN, HE'S GONNA FREAK OUT WHEN HE READS THAT.
- RIGHT? HE CAN'T STAND HER.
[paper rustling] - HMM. OH.
- [chuckles]
THIS WILL BE SO FUNNY.
HE'LL BE ALL YELLING, "NO, NO, NO!"
- YES, YES, YES!
YES!
PO--
MING LIKES ME.
SHE JUST SENT ME A LETTER
ORDERING ME OUT ON A DATE WITH HER.
I'M THE HAPPIEST MONKEY IN CHINA!
O-WHOO-HOO! A-HA-HAA!
YES! - BUT, MONKEY, I THOUGHT
YOU COULDN'T STAND HER. - YES!
OH, WHATEVER GAVE YOU THAT IDEA?
- UH-OH.
UH, MONKEY--
- NOT NOW, PO. I HAVE TO GET READY.
I CAN'T BELIEVE IT. SHE LIKES ME.
SHE LIKES ME!
- BEST. PRANK. EVER!
[smack] OOH!
- AWW!
[sighs]
- WHOA. YOU OKAY?
- [growls] I FEEL TERRIBLE.
I'VE BEEN UP ALL NIGHT TRYING TO FIGURE OUT HOW TO TELL MONKEY
THAT IT WAS JUST A PRANK,
AND MING DOESN'T REALLY LIKE HIM.
MAYBE I SHOULD TALK TO TIGRESS.
- SHE'S NOT HERE, REMEMBER?
SHIFU SENT HER OUT LOOKING FOR THOSE PIGS,
TO GET THE SACRED STONE BACK.
I WOULD'VE GONE TOO, BUT-- IT'S MY DAY OFF.
YOU HEAR THERE'S GONNA BE A WAR?
- I MEAN A PRANK IS ONE THING,
BUT THIS COULD REALLY HURT MONKEY'S FEELINGS, BIG TIME.
I BETTER TELL HIM BEFORE HE ACTUALLY GOES ON THAT DATE
AND THINKS MING STOOD HIM UP.
- PO--
- SHOULD I JUST TELL HIM, TELL HIM?
OR SHOULD I OPEN WITH A JOKE? - PO--
- A LIMERICK? - PO!
MONKEY ALREADY LEFT FOR THE DATE.
- WHAT? WHY DIDN'T YOU STOP HIM?
- DAY OFF.
- [growls]
- OH.
- SHE STOOD YOU UP, HUH?
OH, TOUGH BREAK.
I ALMOST HATE TO CHARGE YOU FOR HOLDING THE TABLE.
- WHY WOULD SHE DO THIS?
SHE'S THE ONE WHO ASKED ME ON THE DATE.
- WHY ASK WHY?
LOVE, WOMEN, NOODLES.
TREE, SKY, GROUND.
I HOPE THAT HELPED.
- HEY. HOW YOU DOING?
- TERRIBLE. OH, PO.
WHY WOULD SHE DO THIS TO ME?
FOR ONCE, I THOUGHT SOMEONE ACTUALLY LIKED ME.
- I LIKE YOU.
- OH, IT'S THE STORY OF MY LIFE.
[giggling]
THE GIRLS NEVER NOTICED ME.
THEY ALL SWOONED OVER MY BROTHER.
[giggling]
I TRIED EVERYTHING TO IMPRESS THEM,
BUT ALL THEY SAW WAS HIM.
[footsteps] OW!
[splash]
NOBODY LIKED ME.
[ribbit] [splash]
BUT THAT ALL CHANGED WHEN SHE CAME ALONG.
HER NAME WAS YA YA.
SHE WAS WONDERFUL.
WE DID EVERYTHING TOGETHER.
WE FELL IN LOVE.
I WAS SO HAPPY, UNTIL...
MY BROTHER TOOK HER AWAY.
I WAS DEVASTATED.
[tinkling sound]
AND NOW, FINALLY, AFTER ALL THESE YEARS,
SOMEONE LIKE MING COMES ALONG AND--OH.
LISTEN TO ME. WHAT AM I WORRIED ABOUT?
SHE MUST LIKE ME, RIGHT?
WHY ELSE WOULD SHE SEND ME THAT LETTER?
BUT THEN, WHY DIDN'T SHE COME?
UNLESS--OF COURSE.
THAT'S IT. - HUH?
- HOW COULD I HAVE BEEN SO STUPID?
- UH, LISTEN, I CAN EXPLAIN, MONKEY.
SEE, WE WERE--
- SHE'S HELPING HER DAD MAKE PLANS FOR WAR.
- I--HOW'S THAT?
- IT EXPLAINS EVERYTHING.
OH, FOR A MINUTE THERE,
I THOUGHT MAYBE SOMEONE WAS PRANKING ME.
BUT WHO WOULD BE THAT CRUEL?
I'M GOING TO CALL ON HER...
GENTLEMAN MAN STYLE.
- YEAH, I--OH.
- YOU GOT THAT "I DIDN'T TELL HIM" LOOK ON YOUR FACE.
- I COULDN'T.
- SO WHAT ARE YOU GONNA DO?
- I--[gasps]. GUESS!
- NOPE. DAY OFF.
- AW, COME ON-- - DAH!
- JUST--I JUST WANNA--BUT-- - JAH--CHA--NOO.
- YOU DON'T WANT TO GO OUT WITH HER.
SHE'S JUST MEAN.
- NO, SHE'S NOT.
THINK SHE'D LIKE MY HAIR LIKE THIS?
[squeak, squeak] OR THIS?
- UH, YOU DIDN'T CHANGE IT.
NO, NO, NO, I'M SERIOUS. SHE'S MEAN.
I-I SAW HER HITTING SHIFU WITH A STICK.
- HO! HE PROBABLY DESERVED IT.
- UH, WHAT ABOUT THAT WEIRD UNIBROW THING
SHE'S GOT GOING ON? HMM?
- SHE DOESN'T HAVE EYEBROWS.
- IT DIDN'T WORK.
- UGH, YOU SHOULD JUST BE HONEST AND TELL HIM.
- EXACTLY! EXCEPT, NOT THAT.
- [happily humming]
- HEY THERE, MING.
- HELLO.
- HA. HERE'S THE THING.
I HAVE THIS FRIEND AND, WELL, HE LIKES YOU.
- REALLY?
AND WHO IS THIS FRIEND?
- WELL, HE'S A GREAT GUY, BUT KIND OF SHY.
AND HE'S ALSO A HUGE FAN OF FAKE BARF.
SO, UH, WHAT I WAS THINKING WAS--
- I THINK I KNOW.
- YOU DO?
- OH, DRAGON WARRIOR!
DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT'S BEEN,
BEING AROUND YOU AND NOT BEING ABLE TO SAY
HOW CUTE I THINK YOU ARE?
- MING, WHOA, WHOA, WAIT, WHAT? ME, CUTE, WHA--YOU, WHAT?
- IT'S MY FATHER.
HE WANTS ME TO BE JUST LIKE HIM. YELL, YELL, YELL.
WHILE ALL THE TIME I JUST WANTED TO HOLD YOU AND SQUEEZE YOU
AND GO LIKE THIS TO YOUR BELLY.
OH, SCOOSHY, SCOOSHY, SCOOSHY. - AH, HA, OH, STOP, NO, REALLY.
- OH, I LOVE THAT BELLY!
I CAN'T STAND IT! OH, YOU'RE SO CUTE.
OH! - AAH!
- THE WAY YOU SPOKE TO ME WAS SO...EXHILARATING.
- [nervously laughs]
- NO ONE HAS EVER DISPLAYED SO MUCH PASSION FOR ME BEFORE.
- WHAT? NO. NO, NO, NO. - SCOOSHY, SCOOSHY, SCOOSHY!
[kiss, kiss, kiss]
- YOU CAN'T LIKE ME.
NO, NO, NO, NO. NOT ME!
- RAH, RAH, RAH! KISS ME, FOOL.
both: MMM.
[thud echoes]
[squish]
- SO, JUST LIKE MY BROTHER!
- AH--
- HYAAA, DAH!
- AH! [thump]
- JAH! [smack]
[thump] - OW! MONKEY--
- HOW COULD YOU DO THIS TO ME?
- WAIT, YOU GOT THE WRONG IDEA.
- OH, SURE, I GUESS I IMAGINED YOU KISSING THE GIRL I LIKE.
HAA! - NYAH, OOH.
- HYA. [smack] - OOH. AH.
OOH.
- BOYS, BOYS. THIS IS ALL VERY FLATTERING.
PLEASE, CONTINUE.
- I DIDN'T KISS HER. SHE KISSED ME.
- IT'S TRUE.
HE TASTES LIKE EUCALYPTUS.
- BUT, IF YOU LIKE PO, THEN WHY DID YOU WRITE ME THAT LETTER?
- WHAT LETTER?
- MONKEY, PROMISE YOU'LL BE CALM.
WILL YOU PROMISE ME THAT?
- OKAY. OKAY. [exhales]
I'LL BE CALM.
- UM, MING DIDN'T WRITE THAT LETTER.
I...KIND OF...DID.
- WAAH-YAH!
[smack] - OOH!
I KNEW HE'D TAKE IT WELL. - TOH-AH!
OH-AH! - [grunts]
- DOH-AH! - OOF!
[crash] OH-HOO!
- STOP IT!
YOU'RE MAKING A SCENE.
HELP! SOMEONE HELP!
OH! YOU.
- HMM.
- I DIDN'T KNOW YOU LIKED HER. - FWOO!
- IT WAS SUPPOSED TO BE FUNNY. - FWAH!
OH, YEAH?
WELL HERE COMES THE PUNCH LINE.
[smack] - OH! GOOD ONE.
- WAA-TAH!
- AAH! HELP!
HELP!
HELP! SOMEONE HELP!
HELP, PO. AAH!
- [panting] MONKEY, LISTEN.
OW. LET ME EXPLAIN.
- I HAVE NOTHING TO SAY TO YOU.
- OKAY. SO HOW DO YOU THINK I FELT,
ALL THOSE PRANKS YOU PULLED ON ME?
I WAS JUST TRYING TO GET EVEN.
UNH! I NEVER WANTED THIS TO HAPPEN.
AH. YOU GOTTA BELIEVE ME.
- SEE? I TOLD YOU WE COULD DO THIS.
WAIT UNTIL THEY GET THAT RANSOM NOTE.
WE'RE GONNA BE ROLLING IN MONEY.
- OOPS. I FORGOT TO LEAVE THE NOTE.
- WHAT? YOU FORGOT? AH!
- WHY DIDN'T YOU JUST TELL ME,
BEFORE YOU LET IT GET TOO FAR?
- I TRIED, BUT I WAS WORRIED ABOUT HURTING YOUR FEELINGS.
- REALLY?
- NOW'S OUR CHANCE TO GET THOSE GUYS.
- OH!
- I'M REALLY SORRY, MONKEY.
- DOOH! - HEY-AH!
HURAH! OOF.
- DAH! [whoosh]
- HUH? [smash]
- HAI-YAH. DOOH!
- OH, OH.
- RAH!
[wham] - DOH!
- WHY DO YOU THINK I WENT THROUGH ALL THIS TROUBLE?
- HREE-YAH.
[thud] AAH!
- HUH-- - DOH-OH. [thud]
- THAT MAKES SENSE. I GUESS.
- HEY! GUYS!
I'M OVER HERE.
- JUST A SECOND!
MONKEY, YOU'RE MY BEST FRIEND.
I'D NEVER DO ANYTHING TO HURT YOU--
- AYAH! [smack] - EVER.
- OKAY, YOU CAN RESCUE ME NOW!
- I KNOW. I JUST GOT-- - YAAH!
[thud] - SO WORKED UP.
- SERIOUSLY. RESCUE ME!
[smack]
- WE SAID A SECOND.
WE'RE DOING SOMETHING IMPORTANT HERE.
[thud] [moans]
- DO YOU BELIEVE THOSE GUYS?
I SAID RESCUE ME, YOU NITWITS!
- YOU KNOW, YOU'RE RIGHT.
SHE IS KIND OF MEAN. - RIGHT?
- I FORGIVE YOU, PO.
- THANKS, BUDDY. - OOF.
[footsteps]
[smack]
- OH. OOH!
- RESCUE ME, YOU IDIOTS!
- READY? - YEAH.
both: YAAH!
YAH! - YAAH!
- OOH, UH, OH!
- AAH!
- YEAH! WHOO!
I'LL TAKE THAT.
- NO. NOW WE'VE GOT NOTHING FOR MOM'S BIRTHDAY.
- FLOWERS ARE ALWAYS NICE.
- YEAH. THANKS.
- THE PLEASURE IS OURS.
- I CAN'T BELIEVE YOU WERE GOING TO LET THEM CARRY ME AWAY.
TO THINK I LIKED YOU. HMPH!
- SHALL WE GO STOP A WAR, BUDDY? - LET'S.
- [grunts] [crumble]
[boom]
- I AM PLEASED TO RETURN THE STONE OF LU MONG TO YOU.
- NOW WE WON'T HAVE TO DECLARE WAR.
LUCKY FOR YOU.
- BETWEEN YOU, ME, AND THE WINDMILL,
I THINK WE COULD HAVE TAKEN THEM.
- COME, MING. OUR JOB HERE IS DONE.
- YES, FATHER.
HMPH.
- WHAT DID I EVER SEE IN HER ANYWAY?
- PHHH. BEATS ME, BUDDY.
JUST AS LONG AS YOU AND I ARE COOL.
- THE COOLEST.
[snap, creak]
[whoosh, splat]
TEE HEE, GOT YOU AGAIN.
- MONKEY! - [laughs]
[theme music]
*